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1
00:00:04,232 --> 00:00:08,016
- Can you believe
we're at hephaestus'
2
00:00:08,017 --> 00:00:09,641
Technology convention?
3
00:00:09,728 --> 00:00:11,186
Are you so excited?
- Yeah.
4
00:00:11,187 --> 00:00:13,150
If there's two things
smart people love,
5
00:00:13,151 --> 00:00:15,818
It's huge crowds
and more smart people.
6
00:00:15,863 --> 00:00:18,197
Is that a giant automaton?
7
00:00:18,242 --> 00:00:20,451
I didn't even know
that was possible yet.
8
00:00:20,496 --> 00:00:21,870
- Welcome to volcon.
9
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:23,956
I am not an automaton.
10
00:00:24,044 --> 00:00:27,712
I am a living giant,
painted gold
11
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,966
And forced to repeat
this message
12
00:00:30,054 --> 00:00:31,887
By mechanized torture,
13
00:00:31,973 --> 00:00:34,599
Which is arguably
more impressive.
14
00:00:34,645 --> 00:00:36,770
Welcome to volcon.
15
00:00:36,856 --> 00:00:39,649
I should not have looked up.
16
00:00:39,650 --> 00:00:40,862
- Were they painted gold?
17
00:00:40,863 --> 00:00:42,655
- Someone may have died trying.
18
00:00:42,656 --> 00:00:44,409
Tyrannis, you're happy
with my work
19
00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:45,620
As your inventor, right?
20
00:00:45,621 --> 00:00:47,731
You didn't, like,
bring me here to show me
21
00:00:47,791 --> 00:00:50,667
How replaceable I am?
- That's your take?
22
00:00:50,668 --> 00:00:52,422
How can the smartest guy
in my family
23
00:00:52,423 --> 00:00:55,216
Also be the most childish
and least secure?
24
00:00:55,217 --> 00:00:58,057
- I don't know, maybe years
of you saying stuff like that?
25
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,935
- Hippocampus,
you're my big brother
26
00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:01,936
And a genius,
and I brought you here
27
00:01:01,981 --> 00:01:03,647
To connect with great thinkers.
28
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:05,277
So, please, grow up and enjoy it
29
00:01:05,278 --> 00:01:08,737
Because I'm giving you
a priceless opportunity.
30
00:01:08,784 --> 00:01:10,868
- Two chickens, please.
- Two chick...
31
00:01:10,954 --> 00:01:13,413
I thought this was
a priceless opportunity.
32
00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:14,916
- Two adults, two chickens.
33
00:01:14,917 --> 00:01:16,337
- This was our lunch and dinner.
34
00:01:16,338 --> 00:01:18,839
- No outside food or drinks.
We do sell eggs.
35
00:01:18,925 --> 00:01:20,842
I bet you do.
36
00:01:22,808 --> 00:01:28,882
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37
00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:53,271
- Where is everyone?
38
00:01:53,358 --> 00:01:55,358
- Ty and hippo
are at a tech convention,
39
00:01:55,359 --> 00:01:58,156
And stupendous is adventuring,
leaving their parents
40
00:01:58,157 --> 00:02:00,866
An entire palace
for their erotic playground.
41
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:03,120
- Aren't you, like, 5,000?
42
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,624
How does sex still interest you?
43
00:02:05,670 --> 00:02:07,628
- I married the goddess of it.
44
00:02:07,714 --> 00:02:09,798
- That was a test,
and you passed.
45
00:02:09,927 --> 00:02:11,093
Ooh.
46
00:02:11,136 --> 00:02:13,887
- I'm in the room.
- Why?
47
00:02:13,975 --> 00:02:16,684
- Emergency... I was adventuring
with my friend felix,
48
00:02:16,685 --> 00:02:17,855
And we started fighting
a medusa.
49
00:02:17,856 --> 00:02:19,147
- The medusa.
- What?
50
00:02:19,192 --> 00:02:21,693
- Medusa is one
of several gorgons.
51
00:02:21,779 --> 00:02:24,905
You can fight
the medusa or a gorgon.
52
00:02:24,951 --> 00:02:26,784
You can't fight a medusa.
53
00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:28,913
- I don't think felix cares.
54
00:02:28,914 --> 00:02:31,085
I need a ride to the nearest
temple of athena.
55
00:02:31,086 --> 00:02:32,293
- Why?
56
00:02:32,294 --> 00:02:34,591
- The only way to reverse
a medusa stoning is to...
57
00:02:34,592 --> 00:02:36,678
- Gorgon stoning.
- Do you want to die today?
58
00:02:36,679 --> 00:02:38,053
- I'll stop helping.
59
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:41,016
- The only way to reverse this
is a sacrifice to athena.
60
00:02:41,103 --> 00:02:44,396
- Ha, you do realize athena
created the gorgons,
61
00:02:44,442 --> 00:02:45,607
Which include medusa?
62
00:02:45,694 --> 00:02:46,901
- Thank you.
- So?
63
00:02:46,988 --> 00:02:49,363
- So her crappy monster
turns people to stone,
64
00:02:49,450 --> 00:02:51,950
And the only way to undo it
is to worship her?
65
00:02:51,996 --> 00:02:54,038
Talk about a scam.
66
00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:56,169
- Can we talk about it
on the way to the temple?
67
00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:59,046
- I'm not flying my daughter
back to that hack's temple
68
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:00,924
To reverse her clumsy cursing.
69
00:03:00,925 --> 00:03:02,846
I'll turn your friend
back to flesh myself.
70
00:03:02,847 --> 00:03:03,897
- You can do that?
71
00:03:03,974 --> 00:03:05,724
- Did she just ask
if I can do that?
72
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,727
- She did.
- I'm sorry?
73
00:03:07,772 --> 00:03:09,772
- Give me your stupid friend.
74
00:03:09,817 --> 00:03:13,944
You can do that?
That's you.
75
00:03:14,032 --> 00:03:16,532
- Can she do it?
- Not sure.
76
00:03:18,279 --> 00:03:21,418
- What's your invention, friend?
77
00:03:21,419 --> 00:03:24,045
- A standard unit of measure
called the ned.
78
00:03:24,132 --> 00:03:26,132
This stick is a quarter ned.
79
00:03:26,219 --> 00:03:29,678
You are 3 and 1/2 quarter neds.
- I suppose you're ned.
80
00:03:29,725 --> 00:03:31,141
- Easy to remember.
81
00:03:31,142 --> 00:03:33,146
- We should use
the ned system back home.
82
00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:35,564
- I can measure things
with my own height.
83
00:03:35,609 --> 00:03:37,776
- What are you, like, 3/4 ned?
84
00:03:37,777 --> 00:03:39,532
That's a lot
of extra calculations
85
00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:40,826
Just to service your vanity.
86
00:03:40,827 --> 00:03:42,409
- I officially hate it here.
87
00:03:42,410 --> 00:03:44,164
- Because you think
it's a competition.
88
00:03:44,165 --> 00:03:46,000
You practically
attacked the creator
89
00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:47,670
Of the miniature bucket.
- It's a cup!
90
00:03:47,671 --> 00:03:49,129
- So?
91
00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:51,301
You know what's more useful
than one genius, hippocampus?
92
00:03:51,302 --> 00:03:53,928
100 neds,
willing to work together.
93
00:03:53,973 --> 00:03:55,973
- Hey, do not use me
as a metric of...
94
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:58,477
I mean,
do use me as a metric, but...
95
00:03:58,522 --> 00:03:59,729
- I was right.
96
00:03:59,899 --> 00:04:02,641
You brought me here
because you think I'm useless.
97
00:04:02,654 --> 00:04:04,112
- I never said that.
98
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,867
But have you ever
invented anything
99
00:04:05,868 --> 00:04:07,202
That anyone actually asked for?
100
00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,537
- That wouldn't
be very inventive, would it?
101
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,250
- Must be nice.
102
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,663
Ned, where's
the hephaestus panel happening?
103
00:04:14,674 --> 00:04:16,340
- It's about 30 stevens south...
104
00:04:16,385 --> 00:04:17,509
Neds, 30 neds.
105
00:04:17,596 --> 00:04:19,012
- Did you say 30 stevens?
106
00:04:19,098 --> 00:04:20,764
- Slip of the tongue... 30 neds.
107
00:04:20,851 --> 00:04:23,310
- Who's steven?
- Exactly.
108
00:04:23,355 --> 00:04:25,772
- Ma, can I just have
my friend back?
109
00:04:25,859 --> 00:04:28,109
I'm coming in.
She bailed.
110
00:04:28,197 --> 00:04:30,197
- That's not like her.
- Yes, it is.
111
00:04:30,198 --> 00:04:31,326
- Fair enough.
112
00:04:31,327 --> 00:04:33,368
- Someone open
this door, please.
113
00:04:33,455 --> 00:04:34,662
Thank you.
114
00:04:34,663 --> 00:04:36,876
But if you're going to be
in here, cover your eye.
115
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:39,544
- Is that the medusa?
- Not for long.
116
00:04:39,545 --> 00:04:42,385
- Yes, darling,
get over yourself.
117
00:04:42,386 --> 00:04:45,512
You are henceforth,
"reversadusa."
118
00:04:48,146 --> 00:04:50,772
- Easy, girl, easy.
- What's a "reversadusa"?
119
00:04:50,773 --> 00:04:52,360
- I think it's self-explanatory.
120
00:04:52,361 --> 00:04:54,653
Turn the statue to look at her.
Hey. Hey. Here.
121
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:57,241
Psst.
Over here, here, honey.
122
00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:03,125
Should have seen that coming.
123
00:05:03,171 --> 00:05:05,922
- Did it work?
- I have a process.
124
00:05:06,008 --> 00:05:10,094
- Hello, volcon!
I'm chris hardwick.
125
00:05:10,182 --> 00:05:13,016
I'm moderating this panel
and, due to a curse,
126
00:05:13,017 --> 00:05:14,397
All panels
until the end of time.
127
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,808
But hey, you didn't sleep
outside on the gravel
128
00:05:16,818 --> 00:05:18,776
For a month to hear my story.
129
00:05:18,863 --> 00:05:21,864
You waited to see
the god of making stuff,
130
00:05:21,952 --> 00:05:25,620
The father of forges,
the master of metal,
131
00:05:25,666 --> 00:05:27,708
Hephaestus!
132
00:05:34,055 --> 00:05:35,680
Pretty cool.
133
00:05:35,766 --> 00:05:36,816
- Whatever.
134
00:05:36,892 --> 00:05:38,350
- Let them hear you, guys.
135
00:05:38,437 --> 00:05:43,148
Hephaestus,
where is your hammer?
136
00:05:43,237 --> 00:05:45,904
No, everyone,
hephaestus doesn't seem
137
00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:47,282
To have his... wait a minute.
138
00:05:47,327 --> 00:05:52,038
What is happening right now?
My gods!
139
00:05:55,549 --> 00:05:56,965
Come on!
140
00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:59,886
Wow!
141
00:05:59,930 --> 00:06:02,848
That is why you come
to volcon, folks.
142
00:06:02,894 --> 00:06:04,185
It ain't for the eggs.
143
00:06:04,229 --> 00:06:06,730
Hephaestus, what are you
working on these days?
144
00:06:06,817 --> 00:06:09,943
- I'm making a new hat
for hermes with smaller wings.
145
00:06:09,944 --> 00:06:10,907
- Pfft.
- Don't do that.
146
00:06:10,908 --> 00:06:12,199
- Don't tell me what to do.
147
00:06:12,327 --> 00:06:16,204
- And I'm working on a chariot
for apollo, the sun god.
148
00:06:16,249 --> 00:06:18,249
- What's apollo like?
- Hot, chris.
149
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,044
Pfft.
150
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:23,299
- I'm sorry, someone keeps
making a very critical,
151
00:06:23,387 --> 00:06:26,221
Unimpressed, pfft sound.
- It's a tech convention.
152
00:06:26,222 --> 00:06:28,102
You know, half the audience
just breathes weird.
153
00:06:28,103 --> 00:06:29,312
- I think it was that guy there,
154
00:06:29,313 --> 00:06:31,855
The guy with the glass helmet.
- It's okay.
155
00:06:31,856 --> 00:06:33,778
He's my brother,
and he's non-verbal.
156
00:06:33,779 --> 00:06:35,028
- That's not true.
157
00:06:35,029 --> 00:06:36,573
- More of a half-brother,
really.
158
00:06:36,574 --> 00:06:39,286
- Why are you using your talent
to make toys and trinkets
159
00:06:39,287 --> 00:06:40,912
For a bunch of royal normies
160
00:06:40,913 --> 00:06:42,458
That are never
gonna respect you?
161
00:06:42,459 --> 00:06:44,209
- I've never met
this man in my life.
162
00:06:44,295 --> 00:06:46,462
You're expert on respect,
are you?
163
00:06:46,466 --> 00:06:49,134
Should I respect you more
than all these other fans
164
00:06:49,135 --> 00:06:51,056
Because, why,
because you're more jaded?
165
00:06:51,057 --> 00:06:52,390
Less polite?
166
00:06:52,476 --> 00:06:56,478
- Because I picked the lock
you made for prometheus.
167
00:07:00,156 --> 00:07:03,532
- What the...?
- How'd you make this?
168
00:07:03,619 --> 00:07:05,953
- It's complicated.
- What's your name?
169
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,333
- Hippocampus.
- That is a stupid name.
170
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:13,381
But guys like us have
to work with what we're given.
171
00:07:13,427 --> 00:07:17,053
This is my new friend,
hippocampus the great.
172
00:07:18,143 --> 00:07:20,268
- That's my brother.
173
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:24,869
- My goodness.
- Yeah.
174
00:07:24,905 --> 00:07:26,988
Hey, I'll see you guys there.
175
00:07:27,074 --> 00:07:30,201
I'm going on a tour
of hephaestus' volcano.
176
00:07:30,246 --> 00:07:32,497
- Is that a plus-one situation?
177
00:07:32,542 --> 00:07:34,292
- I could ask.
178
00:07:34,293 --> 00:07:36,589
I just don't want to seem
rude or unprofessional though.
179
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:37,839
- Right, not anymore.
180
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,260
I'll just go wait on the boat
181
00:07:39,261 --> 00:07:41,929
And fondly remember
my two chickens.
182
00:07:41,974 --> 00:07:44,058
- You mad?
- No, I'm happy for you.
183
00:07:44,059 --> 00:07:46,147
- You did want me
to connect with great thinkers.
184
00:07:46,148 --> 00:07:48,023
Speaking of, there's this girl...
185
00:07:48,024 --> 00:07:49,152
She wants to have lunch.
186
00:07:49,153 --> 00:07:51,237
She has an idea called paper.
187
00:07:51,281 --> 00:07:54,407
It's like foldable clay.
- I'd love to meet her.
188
00:07:54,537 --> 00:07:56,578
Well, it's a creative thing.
189
00:07:56,666 --> 00:08:00,793
- Yeah, like the volcano tour.
- Priceless opportunities.
190
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,162
I'll meet you at the boat.
191
00:08:02,174 --> 00:08:04,299
- I'll be there, probably.
192
00:08:04,345 --> 00:08:08,847
Paper sounds stupid.
I hope the volcano erupts.
193
00:08:08,894 --> 00:08:11,645
- Ooh.
- Do not look at my balls.
194
00:08:11,731 --> 00:08:13,189
- Sorry. Sorry.
195
00:08:13,276 --> 00:08:15,651
- No, wait. Wait.
Please, please!
196
00:08:15,652 --> 00:08:17,949
- Shlub, you're the only one
she's gonna listen to.
197
00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:20,200
- Yes, because she trusts me.
- Yes.
198
00:08:20,246 --> 00:08:23,330
So tell her to let this go
so I can take felix to athena.
199
00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:25,126
- Then she'll stop trusting me.
200
00:08:25,127 --> 00:08:26,755
- I don't think
you know what trust is.
201
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,385
- Well, in strict terms,
it's a belief in reliability,
202
00:08:29,386 --> 00:08:31,511
As one might trust
a wall to hold a ceiling.
203
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:33,475
Interpersonally,
it's knowing another
204
00:08:33,476 --> 00:08:35,393
Has your best interests
at heart.
205
00:08:35,438 --> 00:08:38,022
- Okay, maybe you do know
what it is.
206
00:08:38,023 --> 00:08:40,320
But I also think
you're just scared to say stuff
207
00:08:40,321 --> 00:08:42,406
She doesn't want to hear.
- A fine distinction.
208
00:08:42,407 --> 00:08:44,493
Let's discuss it
over a drink while your mother
209
00:08:44,494 --> 00:08:47,039
Does whatever she wants
and trusts me to support it.
210
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,165
- Or...
- Or what?
211
00:08:49,210 --> 00:08:52,211
- Just sit still, please!
212
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,424
Help us.
213
00:08:54,469 --> 00:08:57,553
- What?
You can't sculpt without clay.
214
00:08:59,226 --> 00:09:00,559
I thought I had at that time.
215
00:09:00,604 --> 00:09:02,854
Don't worry.
It's all part of the process.
216
00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:04,816
Trust the process.
217
00:09:04,903 --> 00:09:06,361
- Such a cool workshop.
218
00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:08,947
- It actually
used to be a volcano.
219
00:09:09,035 --> 00:09:10,326
- Hard to believe.
220
00:09:10,327 --> 00:09:12,289
Aren't you gonna ask
how I picked your lock?
221
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:13,833
- You turned the third cylinder.
222
00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:15,000
I designed it that way.
223
00:09:15,045 --> 00:09:16,836
- Who designs
a lock to be picked?
224
00:09:16,881 --> 00:09:19,632
- Come here.
225
00:09:22,181 --> 00:09:26,225
You know, I was also born
with certain challenges.
226
00:09:26,313 --> 00:09:30,816
- No offense, heph,
I can't breathe or walk.
227
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,405
But I will allow the comparison.
228
00:09:33,450 --> 00:09:35,784
- When I was born,
my parents threw me away.
229
00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:37,330
I don't mean that figuratively.
230
00:09:37,331 --> 00:09:39,248
My dad could throw, you know?
231
00:09:39,292 --> 00:09:41,084
He threw lightning for a living.
232
00:09:41,171 --> 00:09:42,254
I went...
233
00:09:42,297 --> 00:09:44,214
Far.
- That sucks.
234
00:09:44,260 --> 00:09:46,010
- Glad it happened.
Made me what I am.
235
00:09:46,012 --> 00:09:48,054
You know who my wife is?
- Aphrodite.
236
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,767
- And what's that say
about the gods?
237
00:09:49,768 --> 00:09:52,272
- They're tolerant of incest?
- You know what family is?
238
00:09:52,273 --> 00:09:54,148
I figured this out.
It's a disease.
239
00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:55,650
You're born with it.
240
00:09:55,651 --> 00:09:58,073
You have no say in the one
you get, and you don't need it,
241
00:09:58,074 --> 00:09:59,991
But, boy, does it need you.
242
00:09:59,992 --> 00:10:01,495
I designed that lock
to be picked
243
00:10:01,496 --> 00:10:04,164
Because my father
is an insane bully,
244
00:10:04,165 --> 00:10:06,462
Just like prometheus,
just like heracles,
245
00:10:06,463 --> 00:10:08,963
Who everyone thinks
freed prometheus
246
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:11,134
Because handsome, stupid asses
247
00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:12,511
Think they run the world.
248
00:10:12,598 --> 00:10:17,100
And that's how ugly,
smart people like it.
249
00:10:17,147 --> 00:10:20,940
- Is it possible
for the brain to get a boner?
250
00:10:23,282 --> 00:10:25,240
- Got anything warm
and comforting?
251
00:10:25,243 --> 00:10:27,243
- My mother-in-law is lactating.
252
00:10:27,289 --> 00:10:28,497
- I'll have a beer.
253
00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:30,875
- Hey, want to hear
a derogatory joke
254
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:31,970
About inventors?
255
00:10:32,005 --> 00:10:33,379
I assume you're also a king
256
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,883
That paid to bring
his science dork here
257
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,052
And got ditched?
258
00:10:37,096 --> 00:10:38,763
I'm minos from crete.
259
00:10:38,849 --> 00:10:41,892
- Tyrannis, krapopolis.
What's the joke?
260
00:10:41,979 --> 00:10:43,854
- What do you get
what an inventor
261
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,650
Crosses your wife with a bull?
262
00:10:45,694 --> 00:10:50,239
A flesh-eating monstrosity that
has to be kept in a labyrinth.
263
00:10:50,327 --> 00:10:52,828
I guess you had to be there.
264
00:10:52,914 --> 00:10:54,497
What is this?
265
00:10:54,542 --> 00:10:56,500
- You ordered the beer.
- So sorry.
266
00:10:56,546 --> 00:10:58,236
- Well, don't give me
that one now.
267
00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:00,340
- New one's gonna take a while.
268
00:11:00,385 --> 00:11:04,095
- Then I'll have a free beer
while I wait.
269
00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:09,144
- Non-kings.
- Non-kings.
270
00:11:09,191 --> 00:11:11,400
- How long are you gonna
let this go on for?
271
00:11:11,401 --> 00:11:13,155
- I don't see
any downside to letting
272
00:11:13,156 --> 00:11:14,406
Your mother keep trying.
273
00:11:14,449 --> 00:11:16,950
- I think they might see
a downside.
274
00:11:17,037 --> 00:11:20,622
- Damn it!
Double damn it!
275
00:11:21,962 --> 00:11:23,753
- What do you want?
276
00:11:23,754 --> 00:11:25,676
I've got to work this out
before the shipment
277
00:11:25,677 --> 00:11:28,511
Of new servants
gets here from thebes.
278
00:11:28,512 --> 00:11:30,392
- I think it might be time
for you to admit
279
00:11:30,393 --> 00:11:33,644
You don't know how to reverse
a medusa stoning
280
00:11:33,732 --> 00:11:34,856
And give up.
281
00:11:34,901 --> 00:11:36,358
- Hubris!
282
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,320
What have I done?
283
00:11:38,321 --> 00:11:40,575
- Don't blame yourself.
This is mostly my fault.
284
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,576
I saw you struggling,
and I let you go on
285
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:44,665
Because I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
286
00:11:44,666 --> 00:11:47,292
- No, I've been so consumed
with proving
287
00:11:47,338 --> 00:11:50,005
I could undo
athena's hacky monster nonsense
288
00:11:50,051 --> 00:11:52,343
That I overreacted a bit.
289
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,432
- At least I know stupendous
won't eat me.
290
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:58,685
That girl's never touched
a vegetable in her entire life.
291
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:05,907
- Where have you been?
292
00:12:05,952 --> 00:12:07,451
Are you hungover?
293
00:12:07,496 --> 00:12:09,162
- It's called still being drunk.
294
00:12:09,290 --> 00:12:10,456
There's a difference.
295
00:12:10,542 --> 00:12:12,417
- Hephaestus offered me a job.
296
00:12:12,504 --> 00:12:14,879
- So why are you even here?
- What's that mean?
297
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,134
I want to talk to you about it.
298
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:17,551
- You mean gloat about it.
299
00:12:17,596 --> 00:12:21,348
You want me to beg you
to do me the favor of breeding
300
00:12:21,394 --> 00:12:22,559
My wife with a bull?
301
00:12:22,604 --> 00:12:24,771
- When did you get either
of those things?
302
00:12:24,857 --> 00:12:26,065
- It's a metaphor.
303
00:12:26,066 --> 00:12:27,820
- You're the one
that called me useless!
304
00:12:27,821 --> 00:12:28,987
- Is that what I said?
305
00:12:28,988 --> 00:12:31,451
You're so creative
about remembering what I say,
306
00:12:31,452 --> 00:12:34,331
Do you remember me asking you
to invent written language?
307
00:12:34,332 --> 00:12:36,332
- It's a bad idea.
308
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:38,045
- I'll have to take
your word for it.
309
00:12:38,046 --> 00:12:40,591
I guess everything I ask for
is beneath your genius,
310
00:12:40,592 --> 00:12:42,551
So it's no loss
to me if you quit.
311
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:45,263
- Now there's an idea
I can get behind.
312
00:12:45,308 --> 00:12:46,725
- Wow.
I did it, everybody.
313
00:12:46,769 --> 00:12:50,271
I finally got smart enough
to know it's all about him.
314
00:12:50,272 --> 00:12:51,484
- Hate you!
- Hate you!
315
00:12:51,485 --> 00:12:52,943
- Nerd fight.
- Nerd fight.
316
00:12:52,988 --> 00:12:54,237
- Nerd fight.
317
00:12:54,282 --> 00:12:56,272
- Nerd fight.
- Guys, stop nerd fighting.
318
00:12:56,326 --> 00:12:58,243
- I'm a king.
- Okay, well...
319
00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,456
- I know I'm nerdy for a king.
320
00:12:59,457 --> 00:13:00,708
That doesn't make it
a nerd fight.
321
00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:03,543
- What's this all about?
- Just saying goodbye.
322
00:13:03,630 --> 00:13:06,048
- What about all your stuff?
- Give it away.
323
00:13:06,134 --> 00:13:09,594
- Even your fully articulated,
life-size wooden lady?
324
00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:10,932
- I don't know
what you're describing,
325
00:13:10,933 --> 00:13:13,228
But it sounds way less shameful
than snooping.
326
00:13:13,229 --> 00:13:14,479
Goodbye, tyrannis.
327
00:13:14,607 --> 00:13:16,190
I'm not leaving just yet.
328
00:13:16,234 --> 00:13:18,404
I'm on an island
full of your replacements.
329
00:13:18,529 --> 00:13:20,362
- Is everything... steven?
330
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:23,242
- Ned, I heard
about your ned system.
331
00:13:23,329 --> 00:13:26,872
Sounds familiar.
- Easy, steven.
332
00:13:28,922 --> 00:13:30,713
- Nerd fight?
333
00:13:34,807 --> 00:13:37,641
- Hey, there's my superstar.
- Can't wait to start.
334
00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:40,106
- I know you're not a rule guy,
and you're in luck.
335
00:13:40,107 --> 00:13:41,024
There are none.
336
00:13:41,025 --> 00:13:42,441
Yeah!
337
00:13:42,486 --> 00:13:45,153
- Here's your workstation.
- Got it. What do I do first?
338
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,241
- First, you never
ask that again.
339
00:13:47,242 --> 00:13:48,787
- Sorry.
- I really mean it, hippo.
340
00:13:48,788 --> 00:13:51,288
Your job here
is simply to create,
341
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,503
Preferably three or four things
before sundown.
342
00:13:53,504 --> 00:13:55,064
And if anything you come up with
343
00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:58,675
Becomes a hephaestus original,
well, there's upward movement.
344
00:13:58,763 --> 00:14:02,932
- So my job is to create
hephaestus originals?
345
00:14:02,978 --> 00:14:06,521
- Okay, don't flatter yourself.
I'm not exploiting you.
346
00:14:06,568 --> 00:14:09,527
By the time I'm done
making your stuff work,
347
00:14:09,528 --> 00:14:11,616
You'll be the one getting
the undeserved credit,
348
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,450
Which trust me, you will take
349
00:14:13,495 --> 00:14:15,453
When you leave me
for a better job.
350
00:14:15,540 --> 00:14:18,499
- I'm not gonna leave.
- Yes, you will.
351
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:21,465
You didn't get here by being
loyal to your stupid brother,
352
00:14:21,466 --> 00:14:23,258
Did you?
It's okay.
353
00:14:23,345 --> 00:14:26,305
I expect you to leave.
I'm not stupid.
354
00:14:26,349 --> 00:14:30,602
I'm arguably the god
of the opposite of stupid.
355
00:14:30,732 --> 00:14:33,107
And I'd rather work
with genuine talent
356
00:14:33,153 --> 00:14:35,695
Than phony sycophants!
357
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:38,366
- Maybe I can be both.
- I welcome the attempt.
358
00:14:38,453 --> 00:14:40,161
People do earn my trust...
359
00:14:40,207 --> 00:14:42,040
To an extent.
360
00:14:42,043 --> 00:14:45,336
Aphrodite married me because
I have the only heart
361
00:14:45,465 --> 00:14:47,506
Even she can't find.
362
00:14:47,593 --> 00:14:49,843
- That's pretty dark, boss.
363
00:14:49,844 --> 00:14:52,517
We're pieces of work, aren't we?
364
00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:55,478
Don't get back to work.
365
00:14:55,523 --> 00:14:58,233
living the dream.
366
00:14:58,319 --> 00:15:01,320
- So you'd call yourself
a collaborative inventor?
367
00:15:01,407 --> 00:15:03,699
- Yes, I believe
it's more important
368
00:15:03,787 --> 00:15:06,913
- To collaborate than innovate.
- So refreshing.
369
00:15:06,914 --> 00:15:09,462
I'm interested in my city
developing written language.
370
00:15:09,463 --> 00:15:11,296
- Nope, not a thing.
- Not a thing?
371
00:15:11,341 --> 00:15:14,676
- Human speak words
and they draw pictures.
372
00:15:14,763 --> 00:15:17,514
Nobody can draw
pictures of words.
373
00:15:17,643 --> 00:15:21,436
That's nonsense.
- And is this us collaborating?
374
00:15:21,565 --> 00:15:23,482
- Well, there's collaborating,
375
00:15:23,569 --> 00:15:25,679
And there's indulging
childish fantasy.
376
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,535
You see some futuristic world
where people are writing
377
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:31,370
Everything down and,
what was the other thing?
378
00:15:31,457 --> 00:15:33,833
Pooping into tubes
that transport feces
379
00:15:33,878 --> 00:15:36,629
To a new location
after leaving the butt?
380
00:15:36,632 --> 00:15:38,507
- Well, you're making
it sound like...
381
00:15:38,508 --> 00:15:40,430
- Who even spends time
thinking about this?
382
00:15:40,431 --> 00:15:41,890
- Preferably someone
in your position.
383
00:15:41,891 --> 00:15:46,477
- Then I'm afraid
this interview is over.
384
00:15:46,566 --> 00:15:48,607
- You'll be back
to your stunning self
385
00:15:48,652 --> 00:15:50,485
In no time, darling,
but if you can,
386
00:15:50,572 --> 00:15:52,363
Do try not to snack on you.
387
00:15:52,364 --> 00:15:54,536
- As long as no one
invents ranch dressing
388
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,662
In the near future,
I should be all right.
389
00:15:56,749 --> 00:15:59,207
- I'm glad you guys
are having personal growth,
390
00:15:59,253 --> 00:16:00,794
But felix has kids.
391
00:16:00,881 --> 00:16:03,923
- And that is why you should
take him to athena's temple,
392
00:16:03,969 --> 00:16:06,679
Which I now allow because
I am capable of everything,
393
00:16:06,682 --> 00:16:09,099
Including change.
- Okay.
394
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,395
And you'll give me a ride there
395
00:16:10,396 --> 00:16:11,898
Since I could have walked
by now.
396
00:16:11,899 --> 00:16:12,983
- I was just vulnerable.
397
00:16:12,984 --> 00:16:14,444
You don't get two things.
Piss off.
398
00:16:14,445 --> 00:16:15,861
- That's on-brand.
399
00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:17,657
Would you at least keep
an eye on felix while I pack?
400
00:16:17,658 --> 00:16:20,493
- Fine.
- You're an amazing mother.
401
00:16:20,494 --> 00:16:22,624
- And you're still sexy,
even as part carrot.
402
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:25,501
- You naughty deity.
- Yes.
403
00:16:25,546 --> 00:16:27,380
Now you're talking.
404
00:16:27,424 --> 00:16:29,299
No, I want him to watch.
405
00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:31,887
Very good.
Yes.
406
00:16:32,015 --> 00:16:33,065
Here we go.
407
00:16:37,608 --> 00:16:39,483
What's the excitement?
408
00:16:39,484 --> 00:16:41,739
- There's a king interviewing
inventors at the dock.
409
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:45,409
Whoever gets the job gets
an entire lab in his palace...
410
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,663
With underground lair.
411
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:49,792
- That's my...
Definition of a nightmare,
412
00:16:49,793 --> 00:16:51,505
Probably in the middle
of nowhere.
413
00:16:51,506 --> 00:16:53,506
- Good.
Small pond, big fish.
414
00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:56,135
Sorry, is that offensive to you?
415
00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:57,430
- I'll get over it.
416
00:16:57,431 --> 00:16:58,892
- I hear this king is interested
417
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,853
A sewage system,
418
00:17:01,898 --> 00:17:03,398
Written language.
419
00:17:03,484 --> 00:17:05,401
- See, now that's offensive.
420
00:17:05,402 --> 00:17:06,989
I mean, is he a king
or a creative?
421
00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:09,449
Hephaestus doesn't even care
what we invent.
422
00:17:09,453 --> 00:17:10,618
- You got that right.
423
00:17:10,619 --> 00:17:12,248
- This king
you're talking about,
424
00:17:12,249 --> 00:17:13,629
He'll be all up in your stuff.
425
00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,503
How's it going?
What are you working on?
426
00:17:15,504 --> 00:17:16,712
I have thoughts.
427
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,506
He's going to think he owns you.
428
00:17:18,551 --> 00:17:21,677
- Free lab, room and board.
Um, own me, daddy.
429
00:17:21,764 --> 00:17:24,390
- Seriously, but please,
don't apply for the job.
430
00:17:24,436 --> 00:17:26,019
You'd just get it.
431
00:17:26,105 --> 00:17:28,755
- Yeah, it's always the people
that don't give a crap.
432
00:17:37,207 --> 00:17:40,166
- You can put your inventions
down wherever there's space.
433
00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:41,546
- Thanks.
What you working on?
434
00:17:41,547 --> 00:17:43,881
- A hat for hermes.
- Third one?
435
00:17:43,882 --> 00:17:44,968
- He had thoughts.
436
00:17:44,969 --> 00:17:47,637
- Hermes had thoughts
about his hat,
437
00:17:47,682 --> 00:17:49,474
And here, you're surrounded by...
438
00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:51,185
What's this?
- I don't know.
439
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,604
It's called a computer.
440
00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:54,732
It's a machine that calculates...
441
00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:56,863
Why do you feel comfortable
interrupting me like this?
442
00:17:56,864 --> 00:17:58,699
Are you unfamiliar
with being fired?
443
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,080
- I guess I've only ever quit.
444
00:18:00,161 --> 00:18:03,079
- A machine that calculates?
- Does that impress you?
445
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:06,167
- It might be a little more
important than a third draft
446
00:18:06,213 --> 00:18:07,587
Of hermes's hat.
447
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,300
- Well, can I show you
something even better?
448
00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:11,051
- Yeah!
449
00:18:11,096 --> 00:18:12,512
Dude?
450
00:18:12,598 --> 00:18:14,056
- Dude!
Wait.
451
00:18:14,142 --> 00:18:15,192
It gets better.
452
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,352
Look at this.
453
00:18:16,437 --> 00:18:18,020
What do you think, dude?
454
00:18:18,065 --> 00:18:19,565
You like that, dude?
455
00:18:19,610 --> 00:18:20,818
- Why?
Why?
456
00:18:20,861 --> 00:18:23,696
- Because it's not
what you wanted.
457
00:18:23,741 --> 00:18:27,618
So now you understand,
you don't control me.
458
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,873
- But hermes does?
- No!
459
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:34,588
You insipid little fish man,
I control everything.
460
00:18:34,718 --> 00:18:38,886
I choose my jobs.
I choose my goals.
461
00:18:38,975 --> 00:18:42,435
I have already finished proving
I am better than everyone
462
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:45,231
And that I don't need anyone.
463
00:18:45,319 --> 00:18:46,939
I guess you haven't proven that?
464
00:18:46,946 --> 00:18:49,989
I have!
It's a thing you can prove.
465
00:18:50,035 --> 00:18:53,870
And do you know what I now
have decided to make happen?
466
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:57,543
- You want them to like you.
- There you go, buddy!
467
00:18:57,631 --> 00:18:59,505
There you go.
468
00:18:59,551 --> 00:19:01,676
Is that okay with you?
469
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,390
Remember when your brother tried
470
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,560
To protect you at the panel?
471
00:19:07,606 --> 00:19:13,234
Nobody in my family, nobody,
has done that for me.
472
00:19:15,369 --> 00:19:17,786
- Ty, wait!
473
00:19:17,872 --> 00:19:21,582
Ty!
- Hold on one moment.
474
00:19:21,629 --> 00:19:23,337
- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
475
00:19:23,382 --> 00:19:26,716
- Hippo!
- Ty!
476
00:19:26,804 --> 00:19:29,471
I'm sorry.
- I am too.
477
00:19:29,517 --> 00:19:30,933
What happened?
478
00:19:30,934 --> 00:19:32,979
- Well, I was definitely
right to change jobs
479
00:19:32,980 --> 00:19:34,774
Because I'm right
about everything,
480
00:19:34,775 --> 00:19:36,692
Which is why I had to leave.
481
00:19:36,693 --> 00:19:38,614
They found me
mentally intimidating
482
00:19:38,615 --> 00:19:41,157
And distracting sexually.
483
00:19:41,245 --> 00:19:43,578
- That's truly unbelievable.
484
00:19:43,579 --> 00:19:46,085
But I'm glad it happened
because you're irreplaceable.
485
00:19:46,086 --> 00:19:49,087
- I would have invented
your brains out.
486
00:19:49,216 --> 00:19:50,266
Lab wrecker.
487
00:19:51,636 --> 00:19:54,011
- Who was that?
- I didn't see anybody.
488
00:19:54,099 --> 00:19:57,267
- Hephaestus thanks you
for attending volcon.
489
00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:59,271
I am not an automaton.
490
00:19:59,358 --> 00:20:01,442
I am a living, suffering giant.
491
00:20:01,486 --> 00:20:02,819
Have a safe journey home.
492
00:20:02,905 --> 00:20:05,865
My joints are limited
to predefined movements
493
00:20:05,952 --> 00:20:08,494
Carried out by
a complex system of gears.
494
00:20:08,623 --> 00:20:11,291
We look forward
to seeing you next year.
495
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,127
Enjoy your lives.
496
00:20:13,173 --> 00:20:14,297
They could be worse.
497
00:20:14,382 --> 00:20:15,673
I have a family.
498
00:20:15,718 --> 00:20:18,260
I'm a foodie.
I love to travel.
499
00:20:18,306 --> 00:20:22,892
Tell my story, but also,
tell the world about volcon.
500
00:20:22,938 --> 00:20:26,440
I have had an itch
on my back for over a year.
501
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:28,569
Someone, please scratch it.
502
00:20:28,573 --> 00:20:30,823
And please, come back to volcon.
503
00:20:30,910 --> 00:20:33,744
Before this,
I was a giant doctor.
504
00:20:33,831 --> 00:20:35,664
I saved people's lives,
505
00:20:35,709 --> 00:20:37,700
The way you should save the date
506
00:20:37,712 --> 00:20:40,004
For next year's volcon.
507
00:21:07,637 --> 00:21:12,390
Hello, print-con!
508
00:21:12,478 --> 00:21:13,727
I'm chris hardwick.
509
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,439
I'm moderating this panel
and, due to a curse,
510
00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:18,560
All panels
until the end of time.
511
00:21:18,572 --> 00:21:21,322
But you didn't sleep
on a pile of plague rats
512
00:21:21,368 --> 00:21:23,159
For a month to hear about me.
513
00:21:23,204 --> 00:21:25,705
You're here
for the prince of the press,
514
00:21:25,792 --> 00:21:31,129
The mage of the page,
johann gutenberg!
515
00:21:31,426 --> 00:21:32,675
- Did you get any of that?
516
00:21:35,266 --> 00:21:36,724
- Bento.
517
00:21:36,774 --> 00:21:41,324
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