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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,234 --> 00:00:04,056 CRISIS LINE 2 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:09,309 For some kids the crisis line 3 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,513 is the only place they can get help with family issues, 4 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:16,571 school problems and questions about sex. 5 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,054 Your identities are kept secret, 6 00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:24,224 so they feel ok about speaking intimately. 7 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:27,577 Beautiful women are waiting to talk to you now! 8 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:33,522 It could be the most satisfying school experience you'll have. 9 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,052 Any volunteers to work the phones? 10 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:40,053 Beavis and Butt-Head! What a nice surprise. 11 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,542 Yeah. 12 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,603 Rock! 13 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:52,250 Hey Butt-Head, doesn't this song have another video? 14 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:56,674 Yeah. This song is so good they had to do it twice. 15 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,690 Really? 16 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,913 - Mother! - Mother! 17 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:03,045 Tell your children not to walk my way... 18 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:08,821 What they... tell them not to... yeah, tell them not to... mean I say... 19 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,956 Mother! 20 00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:19,534 I heard this dude can like, bench press 140. 21 00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:24,672 Whoa. That's pretty good. Maybe he'll be in the 200 Club someday. 22 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,838 Settle down, Danzig. 23 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:37,344 I wonder what this guy does, like, when, y'know, he's not doing this? 24 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:41,152 I bet he just scores with chicks, and then, like, just fights alot. 25 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:46,889 I wonder who would win in a fight between Danzig, and... 26 00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,565 - Geraldo? - No. 27 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:52,894 Danny Bonaduce? 28 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:58,974 - Bonaduce would kick ass! - Bonaducci! Bonaducci! 29 00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:03,283 - What's he doing? - Yeah. 30 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:06,449 He was, like, shaking his hips back and forth like a little wussy. 31 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,509 That little dance isn't very cool. 32 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:25,946 Now remember, the kids who call are in pain, they need a friend, 33 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:30,038 - someone who'll just listen... - To their private fantasies. 34 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:35,822 The most important thing they need is compassion without judgment, okay? 35 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:40,527 I know you fellas will be great. Oh, and guys, try to make a conscious effort 36 00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:44,187 to be more polite, okay? Especially to the women. 37 00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,137 Hello? 38 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,663 All the other girls are growing breasts. 39 00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:00,093 Mine aren't growing. Is there something wrong with me? 40 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,638 Hey Beavis, this chick's flat. 41 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:11,624 Yeah? 42 00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:14,916 Hi... sometimes I wet the bed. 43 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,094 Is that, like, normal? 44 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:20,655 - What happens when I get married? - Is this, is this... 45 00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:22,516 Hey Stewart! 46 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,659 Stewart. What a wiener! 47 00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:29,929 Stewart wets his bed. 48 00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:33,326 - Stewart wets his bed. - Oh God! 49 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:42,979 - Hello? - Hello. 50 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,459 Well, my... my boyfriend, 51 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,661 is like, so rude! 52 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,964 I mean, he's like, pressuring me to put-out and all, 53 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,782 but I'm not sure if I'm ready for sex. 54 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:06,195 I advise you to put out. That would be cool. 55 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,639 Well, but... like, I heard you're supposed to wait? 56 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:15,808 Oh! Yeah... Until tomorrow. 57 00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:20,815 - What are you talking about? - Yeah. 58 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,916 You... need someone better. 59 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,354 Someone who's, like... 60 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,523 - polite, and stuff. - Yeah, yeah. That's us. 61 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:33,924 Hi, may I help you? 62 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:35,941 Yeah. 63 00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:41,127 You should put out to someone you'll meet at school tomorrow, who's polite. 64 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,540 Thank you. Goodbye. 65 00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,243 We're gonna score! 66 00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:01,268 Remember Beavis, be polite to every girl we see. 67 00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,984 Then we will score with that chick who called last night. 68 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,074 Beavis and Butt-Head, 69 00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:12,633 why you don't share with the class what you learned working on the crisis line? 70 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,500 Okay. 71 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:18,841 - I mean, excuse me. - Yeah. Thank you. 72 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,221 May I? 73 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,410 Yeah. After you. 74 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,312 Please, you first. 75 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,920 - She's not here. - Oh. That sucks. 76 00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,722 My pleasure. My pleasure. 77 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,160 Hey! My pleasure. 78 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:47,627 So like... after you. Ma'am. 79 00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,946 - Please, you first. - Yeah, you first. 80 00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,738 Thank you. Drive through. 81 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,581 I insist. 82 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,408 Excuse me. 83 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:05,014 Sorry for the inconvenience, I'll go get a mop. 84 00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:09,489 Aren't you like, the guys from the crisis line? 85 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:13,120 You said "No sex 'till I met a guy that's polite"? 86 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:17,290 - Yes ma'am. - Is there something I can help you with? 87 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,805 Yeah, my boyfriend wanted to meet you. 88 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,505 I beg your pardon. 89 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,711 Hope I didn't put you in any trouble, sir. 90 00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:37,118 I'll be right with you, sir. 91 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:48,055 Is this another one of those damn '80s suck videos? 92 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,329 Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 93 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,771 From that album, "The Classics of Suck"! 94 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,274 Hey Butt-Head, those aren't real gorillas. 95 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,990 They had to get fake ones, 'cause like, 96 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,459 they knew that real gorillas wouldn't listen to this crap. 97 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:07,980 Yeah, yeah. 98 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,311 You know what animal would listen to this crap? 99 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,785 Is a cow. 100 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,620 Cows can listen to that crap 'cause they have like... 101 00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:20,519 they have like, like six stomachs. 102 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,408 Yeah. 103 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:26,233 I bet you could get a cow to listen to like, Warrant. 104 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:31,606 Hey Butt-Head. 105 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,142 Who is this buttknocker anyways? 106 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,837 This is James. 107 00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:38,738 James who? 108 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:44,047 His parents asked him not to use their last name, 'cause it's like, he sucks. 109 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:46,991 His parents said: 110 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,637 "Son, we know you suck, and that's okay. But could you just, like... 111 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,421 - not use our name?" - Yeah. 112 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,922 And then they hugged him! 113 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,569 What a wuss! 114 00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,778 Well, there's a big eye ball. 115 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:16,082 They need more big eye balls in videos. Like, like a big pile of eye balls. 116 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:20,381 - Yeah. What is all this stuff? - Yeah, really. 117 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,320 It's like, it's like, they're running through the grass, and there's like, a house. 118 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,371 Yeah. 119 00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:30,230 What ever happened to chicks with big thingies and cleavage and stuff like that? 120 00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:33,776 Yeah. Seems like they don't do that anymore. 121 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:36,735 These guys need to spend more time with sluts. 122 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,104 Yeah, yeah. These guys aren't filthy enough. 123 00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,218 Whoa! Are there, like, two lead singers for this band? 124 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:56,076 Yeah, so what? 125 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,804 Yeah but it's like, it's like, there is this dude in like, overalls, 126 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,190 and then there's this other dude. 127 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,195 So what, Beavis? 128 00:09:02,196 --> 00:09:05,745 I don't know, I just thought like, you know, there's two singers, it's like, you know... 129 00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,164 That's something. 130 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,872 - Hey, somebody's talking. - Yeah yeah, what is that? 131 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:19,513 - I hate it when people talk over videos. - Yeah. There's some guy going: 132 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:24,264 Yeah, at least if they're gonna talk, like, break something, and like, 133 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,082 - you know, just do something. - Yeah. 134 00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:31,420 Either you follow, or lead, or get off the pot. 135 00:09:31,421 --> 00:09:32,511 Yeah. Really. 136 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,430 Get off the toilet. 137 00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:47,987 These guys are like, a cross between Stone Temple Pilots and like, 138 00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:49,474 just a bunch of regular guys. 139 00:09:49,476 --> 00:09:52,025 Yeah yeah, it's kinda, like, a cross between 140 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:55,228 the Stone Temple Pilots and those dudes on Hee-Haw. 141 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,228 Oh yeah. 142 00:09:57,130 --> 00:10:01,313 You met another and... Hee-was gone. 143 00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:05,658 - That was pretty good, Butt-Head. - Yeah. 144 00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:15,633 - Hello? I need some help. - Shut up! 145 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:20,840 I… I've taken some pills and I... I don't know how many... 146 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,545 Hey Beavis, what's that number? 147 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,241 1-900-NUDITY. 148 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:36,888 Hello! I'm Candy, what can I do for you? 149 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,594 I've got a crisis... 150 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,096 In my pants. 11457

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