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TEEN TALK
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Captain Dick Jackman, live with a
very special event here in Highland High.
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Principal McVicker, tell us
what we're about to see.
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To promote this year's food drive,
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00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:26,744
our National Honor Society
has glued together some canned goods
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00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:29,129
to spell the word
"cares".
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right under the Highland High name.
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00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,581
"Highland High cares".
Isn't that wonderful?
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00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,857
Let's take a look, principal.
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HIGHLAND HIGH SCHOOL
SUKS
11
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:45,395
What the...? Well,
back to you, Britney.
12
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:52,368
I would like nothing more than
to kill you both with my bare hands!
13
00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:55,589
But I'm forced to
give you a choice.
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00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,559
Either you stay after
school for a week,
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00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,295
removing asbestos
from the cafeteria,
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or you go on "Teen Talk" with
Captain Dick Jackman and confess.
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00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,418
Is that, like, on TV?
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He makes all the parents in town
feel better about their own kids
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00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,112
by publicly humiliating
losers like you.
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We're gonna be on TV!
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This is gonna be cool.
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00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:32,480
Whoa! They turned that dude
into, like, a guitar or something!
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If I'd turn myself
into an instrument,
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I'd be an M-80.
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00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:41,247
- That's not an instrument, Beavis.
- No way, Butt-Head.
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My music teacher told me you can
make an instrument out of anything.
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So I'd be like, you know,
an M-80 or a chainsaw.
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Okay, Beavis.
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That's weird!
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Cool!
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Some of the guys in this band, it's
like, they just look like regular guys.
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And they're old.
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00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:15,035
Like, if you saw that drummer,
like, in a grocery store,
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you'd just like, probably
just walk right past him.
35
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:19,826
Or you'd say like:
36
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"The light beer is over
in aisle 14a, sir".
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And then he'd say:
thank you young man.
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I bet when that drummer dude
is like, drinking beer with his friends...
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he like, bogarts all the beer.
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And they'd like: "Don't bogart it dude!"
And he'd like:
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"No way! No way!
I'm in Cheap Trick.
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And I'll drink all the beer
I want! Get out of here!"
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He's pretty cool.
44
00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:56,766
I might knock back a few beers later.
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You never had a
beer, dumbass.
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Oh yeah! I mean later
like, you know, in a few years...
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All right, listen up!
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00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:17,297
If you're here to wise off on TV for
your dropout friends watching at home,
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00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:19,499
remember that you signed
a piece of paper
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giving me legal right to kick
your asses and sue you in court.
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00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,428
Now, everybody smile
and lots of energy, okay?
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Hi, I'm Lolita, and this
here is Tanqueray.
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Hey Beavis...
check this out.
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He, baby...
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You're pretty hot.
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You should, like,
be on a video or something.
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I am on a video.
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00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:55,553
Like, I wouldn't be here if
my principal hadn't rented it.
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00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,373
From the home of the
Channel 4 News Centre,
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00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,999
it's "Teen Talk"
with Captain Dick Jackman.
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Hey kids. Welcome aboard Teen Talk.
I'm Captain Dick Jackman.
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And, as always,
at 6:30 Sunday morning
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I trade in my weather-casting gear
to rap with young people about
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what's going down
in their world.
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00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:21,847
Hi.
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- You're cute, sugar-britches.
- Let's talk about parents.
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Any of you guys ever gotten real,
real mad at your folks?
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- It's okay to admit feelings of anger.
- Well, Captain Dick,
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I guess we never got along too good.
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My dad beat me up a lot,
and my mom, like, ran off...
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How about you?
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What do your parents do
that makes you really, really mad?
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00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,970
This is boring.
74
00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:54,540
Y'all want to go down behind the risers
and make out or something?
75
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,173
I don't care if they're pre-schoolers.
76
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:09,676
They can kiss my ass if they think
I'm gonna wear an Easter Bunny suit!
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Dick, you're on!
78
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Captain Dick Jackman here, hanging
with my homepersons on Teen Talk.
79
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:20,409
Today, we're gonna rap
about vandalism.
80
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:25,104
Hey y'all. Hurry up, before
we stop being horny.
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00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,913
Hey Beavis, I think we're
really gonna get some.
82
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On TV.
83
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:34,601
Hey guys, no talking without
sharing. Let me ask you...
84
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:37,237
have you ever wanted
to just break something?
85
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,327
Yeah, yeah. I like
to break stuff.
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00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:44,811
- No sir. Can we go?
- Hey, not so fast, young man.
87
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I just want all our young
friends here to listen up.
88
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:51,465
You've had
destructive impulses, right?
89
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- No.
- Yeah, no. No. We're gonna score.
90
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:57,424
You heard that, kids?
91
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These young folks are saying down with
destruction and up with cooperation.
92
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,581
Right on, guys.
93
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,883
Hey Butt-Head,
someone, like, stole our women.
94
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:13,623
Hey, my man, don't you wanna be
cool and positive like these guys?
95
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,596
That sucks!
96
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:20,413
Yeah. It doesn't just suck, Butt-Head.
It's like... It's like, it really sucks!
97
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If we, like, never score, we're gonna
be wussies! Forever! And it's gonna suck!
98
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- Settle down, Beavis.
- No, no, Butt-Head!
99
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No, I can't settle down! It's not fair!
We're not gonna score!
100
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:35,528
It's like, we'll get cars, and like, we'll have,
like, a job, and we'll like, have to go, like,
101
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like, mow lawns and, and like...
102
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,053
scrub the grill, and we're
not gonna score! Ever!
103
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,913
I warned you about that!
Don't make me come up there!
104
00:06:43,914 --> 00:06:47,955
Shut up, asswipe!
You probably score, and you're a dork!
105
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,227
- I'm never gonna score!
- You little...
106
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:56,836
Whoa! This is cool.
107
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,773
I feel like such an ass.
108
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:04,173
Yeah. I feel like an
ass too. Beavis...
109
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,482
go out and get me
an ass, please.
110
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,913
Okay. Would you like
some boobs to go with that?
111
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,486
What was that?
112
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:13,586
- What's going on?!
- You wuss.
113
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,324
That was just a
chick screaming.
114
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,988
They should like, warn you if
they're gonna do that crap. Dammit!
115
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:36,312
This song is about, like, this chick
doing it with some other chick's boyfriend.
116
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:41,410
- Yeah, yeah. That's pretty harsh.
- Yeah.
117
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:47,117
So like, this chick will like, only do you
if you already have a girlfriend?
118
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,341
A lot of chicks are like that.
They don't wanna go out
119
00:07:49,342 --> 00:07:51,436
with you unless you already
have a girlfriend but like,
120
00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:54,862
you can't get a girlfriend because, like,
you don't have a girlfriend, so like...
121
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,430
It's like... struss-frating.
122
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:03,571
Dammit, what's going on here?
This chick is talking.
123
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:05,452
Is this a commercial
or a video?
124
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:09,289
- What is this?!
- Beavis, just shut up, and like,
125
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,106
free your mind or something!
126
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,061
I wanna know what it is, it's like,
I can't pay attention to this!
127
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:18,098
Dammit Beavis! Can't you just
like, cool out and listen?
128
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:21,666
Dammit Butt-Head, what kind of crap are
you talking? You sound like a damn hippie!
129
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,486
Beavis, I'm gonna pretend
I didn't hear that.
130
00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:26,994
I'm not gonna smack you today.
131
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:33,195
REMOVAL-DANGER
ASBESTOS
132
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:39,901
Damn it, Beavis! I'm sick and
tired of never getting any.
133
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,475
Yeah. Me too.
134
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,405
Hey Beavis,
135
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:48,310
I bet we're gonna score now
'cause we were, like, on TV.
136
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:52,113
Oh yeah. Chicks are cool.
137
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:09,569
Hey Beavis. This song
is about a boner.
138
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:13,504
Oh yeah, yeah!
It's about a bad boner, isn't it?
139
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:17,508
There's no such thing
as a "bad boner", Beavis.
140
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,158
Oh yeah, yeah.
141
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,316
No, wait a minute, Butt-Head,
I had a bad boner once.
142
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:27,079
That's when I had the chicken pox,
and I had my hands duct taped.
143
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,525
That sucked.
144
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:31,970
Oh yeah.
145
00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:35,125
I'm sorry. I stand corrected.
146
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,503
Hey Butt-Head, sometimes
when I play pool...
147
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:47,020
like, when nobody's looking,
I like to take that blue chalk,
148
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:51,909
and like... like, chalk up
the end of my wiener.
149
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,217
It's pretty cool.
150
00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:01,013
Yeah. That's cool.
151
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,854
Doesn't that, like,
hurt, though?
152
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:07,959
Yeah, but, you know,
no pain, no gain.
153
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:13,831
Hey check it out, it's one of
those magic 8-balls.
154
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,936
You like, ask one of those
things a question,
155
00:10:15,937 --> 00:10:17,950
and you shake it up,
and it tells you the answer.
156
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:18,950
Yeah.
157
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,520
We should ask it:
158
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,678
"Does this video suck?"
159
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,445
Signs point to yes.
12974
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