All language subtitles for Empty Nest s04e21 Charley For President.eng

Uh.

What are you doing
up this early?

I thought you worked
the graveyard shift last night.

I did. Got in about 4:00.

And then, just as
I was getting to sleep,

mister hetzel started working
on that stupid lawn.

I've never seen a man
so obsessed.

I mean, who else
waters their lawn

and then blow-dries it?

Well, next time I catch him
riding that lawn mower,

I'm going to shoot it right out

from under
his wrinkled old butt.

Save your ammo, dear.

Carol just went over
to talk to him about it.

Oh, yeah.
Like that's going to help.

Come on, now,
give your sister some credit.

When she tries, she can have
quite a winning way with people.

No, you shut up,
you stupid, stupid old man!

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!

I see you worked it out
with old man hetzel.

It's not enough that
he pollutes our airwaves

with his high decibel
lawn care equipment,

now he's trying to
drive me to bankruptcy.

You're so close you could walk.

Carol, exactly how
is old man hetzel

trying to
drive you to bankruptcy?

He's running for president
of the homeowners association.

So?

He's running on
a two-issue platform:

Mandatory lawn maintenance,
and converting

the old banquet hall
into a community theater.

How does this all relate to you?

Daddy, I'm the only caterer
in the neighborhood.

No more banquet hall
means no more parties,

or bar mitzvahs,
and there goes my business.

No more elegant epicure.

What is an epicure, anyway?

It sounds like something you use

to remove unwanted body hair.

Maybe that's why
business isn't so good.

Carol, honey, if you feel
that strongly about the election

maybe you should run.

Come on, get some of
your ideas out there.

Recycling, creation
of bicycle lanes...

cultural exchange
with a sister neighborhood

in Dubrovnik.

Good-bye. Good-bye, dear.

Carol, you're forgetting

you have one big
political liability.

What?

The entire neighborhood
hates you.

Good point.

If only I could find
someone to run for me.

Some mindless stooge
that I could get elected,

and then control
from behind the scenes.

I am sick and tired
of this noise.

I'm going to show old man hetzel

what I think of his lawn.

Can I borrow dreyfuss?

Wait a second, Charley.

Young, good-looking,
compared to mister hetzel,

totally malleable.

Kind of a Dan quayle
without the intellect.

Charley, how would you like
to be the new president

of the lanai oaks
homeowners association?

I can't. I'm not a home owner,

I'm a home renter.

And I couldn't spell lanai
if my life depended on it.

A mere technicality.
Just think of it.

Charley dietz, the president.

The most powerful leader
in the free suburb.

I don't know.

I never really
won anything before.

I find that
very hard to believe.

Well, in high school,
I was voted least likely

to graduate, six years in a row.

See?

You really think
I could get elected?

Sure, people hate mister hetzel

almost as much as
they hate Carol.

Wait a minute.

I'd be up against
old man hetzel?

The lawn Nazi?

Okay.

I'll run.

Now, what do I have to do?

Nothing. Nothing.

Just keep your thoughts
to yourself,

your pants zipped,
and leave the rest to me.

Here's your blt.

Uh, only they was out of bacon,
so they used ham.

And the lettuce
was kind of wiltedy,

so they used cabbage.

In other words, I'm eating
a ham and cabbage sandwich?

I'm surprised
they have the tomato.

Ketchup.

Excuse me.

I'm new here.

Can you tell me
how to get to surgery?

Rupture somethin'.

I'm just kiddin' you. Howdy.

My name's Laverne Todd.
Barbara Weston.

- Say what?
- Laverne, it's me!

I'm under cover.

Somebody's been stealing
medical equipment,

so they sent me to check it out.

Laverne, I can't read
your handwriting.

Shh! Laverne,
don't say anything.

I want to have
a little fun with daddy.

I can't wait to see his face
when he finds out it's me.

Laverne, help me out here,
will you, please?

Is this a seven or a two?
Hard to tell.

What do you think, Barbara?

Barbara, be my focus group.

What comes to mind
when you see this?

Alfred e. Newman.

- Barbara.
- What? I can't help it.

They look exactly alike.

Greetings,
my fellow floridolphians.

How's the campaign trail
going, Charley?

Well, I did like Carol said,
and I spent the entire day

hanging around the supermarket,
carrying out groceries

for all the little old ladies
in the neighborhood.

- Sounds like a rough day.
- I'll say.

Couple of times, I almost put
the wrong bag in the trunk.

It's okay, Charley.

We'll do some
damage control tomorrow

at the ladies' club debate.

Jeez, I hope I can
remember all my lines.

What? You worry?

Just relax
and follow my signals,

and we can't miss.

We've worked out
a series of responses

concerning the major issues
of the campaign.

Go ahead. Ask him a question.

Okay, Charley.

How come your hair
never looks the same way twice?

A question about
the homeowners association.

Oh.

Charley, what do you think of
mandatory lawn maintenance?

Call me old-fashioned,

but I still think
decisions about lawn care

should be left
to the individual.

That's the way my dad did it,
his dad before him.

That's the American way
to keep our lawns growing,

and healthy, and moving
into the future.

Of course, I have no idea
what I just said.

Oh! Excuse me, miss.

I'm looking for a pediatrician
for my grandson.

Well, ma'am, you've come
to the right place.

Oh, yes.

I hear that doctor Weston
is very good.

Good. Well, he can spot
a chicken pock at 50 paces.

Oh. Gotcha, Laverne!

Oh, my! You really had me goin'.

I bet you your daddy
will never guess this one.

He'd better not.

I spent three hours
on this disguise.

Fine. Now, you just be sure
you're gonna drink

plenty of fluids, right.

And, Laverne, would you make
another appointment please?

By the way, Mrs. mahoney,

have you met my daughter,
Barbara?

Why, I ought to...

Now, don't screw things up
by trying to think.

Just stick to
the canned responses,

and remember when I primp...

mention how we need
to keep the kitchen

in the old banquet hall. Right.

Oh, welcome, mister dietz.

Hello, Mrs. Robinson.
Remember me, Carol Weston?

Aren't you that girl
that ran over my mailbox?

- That was years ago.
- Oh, come on in.

There he is, Charley. The enemy.

Oh. The enemy just dribbled

cocktail sauce
all down his face.

Charley, who's that rather
handsome young man he's with?

Eric proust.

Dramaturge?

Perhaps you're familiar
with my work?

You've heard of
Shakespeare in the park?

Oh, my god, of course.

Well, I'm the man
who brought Miami

pinter in the mall.

Charley,
don't I see a cheese ball

with your name on it? All right.

The perks are rolling in
already.

You know, I've seen you
around the neighborhood.

You drive that ancient peugeot
with the cute bumper sticker.

Honk if you love
iambic pentameter.

I adore that.

Not only do I adore it,
I get it.

Carol Weston.
I'm pleased to meet you.

The pleasure's all mine.

Eric, I know you live

in the neighborhood and all,

but what's an attractive
young man like you

doing in a place like this?

Actually, I have a vested
interest in these proceedings.

Let's just say I'm herb hetzel's
campaign manager.

What do you mean?

I mean that the fate
of the old meeting hall

is very important to me.

My troupe of thespians
needs a new theater.

We're losing the lease on
our current space above petland.

Why, of all the sneaky...

Well, why don't you just run
for president yourself

instead of hiding
behind a helpless old man?

It's the oddest thing;

It seems everyone in
the neighborhood hates me.

Girls, will you all
take your places?

Just sit down.

Tomorrow, we're going to elect
a new president

for the lanai oaks
homeowners association.

So get your questions ready.

Let's see some democracy
in action,

and then we'll have pie.

I am sick and tired of dogs
getting in my trash.

Could you put that
in the form of a question?

- Certainly.
What is: I am sick and tired

of dogs getting in my trash.

Thank you. Mister hetzel.

We must keep dogs off our lawns,

lawns that are neatly edged
and mowed to a uniform length.

Lawns that are fertilized

with rich wholesome
dade county manure.

And you call yourself
a dramaturge?

I'm not exactly working
with Olivier here.

In summation, I urge fewer dogs,

fertilized lawns,

and uniform hedges
for a decent Miami.

Oh, yeah. And turn that
banquet hall into a theater.

Thank you, herb.

And, now, are there
any questions for Charley?

What do you think of
herb hetzel's yard fetish?

Call me old-fashioned...

All: Oh...

but I still think
decisions about lawn care

should be left
to the individual.

Oh. Smart boy.

That's the way my dad did it
and his dad before him.

Oh, such a good son.

My Stephen should
show such respect.

He carried my groceries
yesterday.

That's the American way,

to keep our lawns
healthy and growing,

and moving into the future.

All: Oh!

I get good feeling from him.

- Yes.
- Very handsome.

Yes. I trust him.

You can just tell he Sincere.

In conclusion, sure...

I get lonely.

All: Oh.

But I refuse to marry
until I meet a girl

who lives up to the standard
of womanly excellence

set by my mom.

All: Aww!

- Sweet!
- You should meet my Cynthia.

Your Cynthia, my Sharon.

I congratulate you.

You've trained
your monkey impeccably.

Now, are there any other
questions for Charley?

Charley, what do you think
about older women?

Older women.

You know, I find you
most attractive.

- Ooh.
- Ah...

- The kitchen.
- What?

That's where older women
belong, in the kitchen.

Oh, my god.

Younger women,
older women, all you gals.

That's the American way.
Men, they're all alike.

Sounds like the bastard
I was married to for 30 years.

If it weren't for men like you,

I could be driving
an 18-Wheeler.

- What did I say?
- Come on, girls.

We know how we're
gonna vote tomorrow.

No, ladies, please.
I know Charley.

He didn't mean it. Wait!

Oh, what a tangled web we weave

when first we practice
to deceive.

Shut up! I hate you.

You're not alone. Ciao.

Well, there goes the election,
my catering business,

and the most interesting man
I've met in years.

I guess this means
I won't get to be president.

Wait a second, Charley.

The election
isn't until tomorrow.

Charley, I've got it.

You have to seduce those women.

Forget it, Carol.

Those women
are looking at menopause

in their rear-view mirror.

No, Charley.

Not seduce, seduce.
You know. Seduce!

They're widows. They're lonely.

Just let them feel
like someone cares.

Read my lips. Mm-mm.

What a shame, you were so close.

Those women looked up to you.

- They did?
- You were their hero.

- I was?
- For one brief, shining moment,

you were like a god to them.

All right.

Bring on those elderly babes.

What's a shay?

Hi, I'm Kyle, your new mailman.

Sure you are.

And I'm Irving r. Levine
in Washington.

I bet doctor Weston's
been waiting for this.

It's his tax refund. Sure it is.

We wouldn't want one
of his worthless daughters

a-spendin' it, now, would we?

Lady, you just violated
a federal law.

Whoo! I'm a-shakin' in my boots.

Give it up, Barbara.
Great disguise, though.

You got an Adam's app...

- I'm sorry.
- Lady, you're crazy.

There's a rational explanation.

I thought you was a woman.

Oh, Laverne,
is that the mailman?

Uh, I'm afraid so.

Well, anything interesting?

- No, just the usual garbage.
- All right.

Let's see those
last couple of patients,

and then, I'm out of here.

You want a ride home, Barbara?

Now listen to this, Charley.

We took him back to the hospital
for exploratory surgery.

Do you know what they found?

- More tumors?
- Tumors.

The man was riddled with tumors.

The doctor took one look
at those tumors and said,

"sew him back up.

"There's nothing
we can do for him.

Not with those tumors."
One lump or two?

Eric, I'm so glad you came.

I was afraid you'd refuse
my little conciliatory gesture.

How could I resist?

You're the first woman
to actually invite me over

for harveys Bristol cream.

Eric, I wanted to apologize
for telling you

that I hated you this afternoon.

Oh, I don't mind.
I'm used to it.

After all,
you're looking at the man

who staged porgy and Bess
with an all-white cast.

Mrs. Robinson?

It's me, Charley.

I'm sorry, I'm a little late.

Mrs. Robinson?

I'm over here, Charley.

Mrs. Robinson,
what are you doing?

I'm just taking off
my knee-high nylons.

"For never was a story
of more woe

than this of Juliet
and her Romeo."

You know, hearing the words
of the immortal bard

has made me think.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard
on poor mister hetzel.

I mean, he's so old,
and his health is terrible.

In fact... no, forget it.

No, wait.

You think I should advise him
to withdraw from the election?

Maybe. For his own good.

I'll bet you do.

Eric?

Where are you going?
For a minute there,

I actually thought
we could have something.

We could.

The whole time,
you were just leading me on,

telling me anything
that you thought

might allow you
to have your way with me.

I let myself be vulnerable
with you, Carol.

And you used me.

No, Mrs. Robinson.

Really, Charley is not here.

Yes, I will tell him
if I see him.

Okay, bye.

Congratulations, Charley.

You won.

You're the president
of the homeowners association.

I'll get the champagne.

I won?

I won! I won!
In your face, hetzel!

I, Charley dietz, am invincible.

Ha-ha!

Oh. Ooh! Ow!

Carol, I want to thank you

for everything
you've done for me.

What did I do?

I got you elected
by sacrificing honesty,

ethics, morals,
and everything I believe in.

Isn't that how
it's usually done?

You two go ahead and celebrate.

I need some time alone.

Oh, dreyfuss.

I don't know what to do.

Maybe I should get the door.

I came to congratulate you.

You mean, you don't hate me?

Always looking for subtext,
aren't you?

It's all right.
You don't have to hate me

I hate myself right now.

Eric, Charley wasn't even
qualified to run.

Neither was hetzel.

He emigrated from Europe
after the war

with rather questionable papers.

Why, of all the sneaky
little things...

stop that.

Now, would you like to
have dinner with me tonight?

I know a place that serves
excellent Croatian food.

- I'd love to.
- Good.

- I'll see you at eight.
- Eric.

Now that Charley's been elected,

what's going to happen
to your theater troupe?

Without a theater?

I suppose we'll have
to perform door-to-door.

Actually, that might be
an interesting way

to mount death of a salesman.

Wait, maybe we could compromise.

I know.

We could build a stage,
and keep the kitchen,

and have our very own
community dinner theater.

God, that sounds pathetic.

Yoo-hoo!

Mister president!
Mister... oh, hi.

Yoo-hoo! Mister president!

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0