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1
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:11,698
# You must remember this
2
00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:14,334
# A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:17,178
# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:23,535
# The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:23,580 --> 00:00:27,209
# As time goes by #
6
00:00:33,020 --> 00:00:35,739
- Funny things, peanuts.
- (Jean) What?
7
00:00:35,780 --> 00:00:38,613
I said peanuts are funny things.
8
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:44,053
I mean, peanuts and things on sticks aren't
usually in one's main stream of consciousness.
9
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,295
No, I have to admit that.
10
00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:50,015
But have people in for drinks...
and out they come.
11
00:00:50,060 --> 00:00:52,528
You're in a very philosophical mood.
12
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:56,778
Anyway, we're taking Sandy out to dinner
to cheer her up.
13
00:00:56,820 --> 00:01:00,893
Hm. If I'd just split up with somebody
I wouldn't want to go out to dinner.
14
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:04,933
No, I don't suppose you would.
But you're not Sandy, are you?
15
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:10,496
I'll tell you one thing,
we must all avoid being unnaturally bright.
16
00:01:10,540 --> 00:01:13,179
That shouldn't be too difficult for you.
17
00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:17,735
- Was that a dig?
- Yes, it was actually. It was.
18
00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:20,613
I've been preoccupied with Father's wedding.
19
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:26,132
- I'm looking forward to it.
- He's 85 and his bride to be is 78.
20
00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:28,410
You think she's too young for him?
21
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,452
- I think it's absurd.
- Will you call her "Mummy"?
22
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,415
- Mumsy, perhaps...
- (Door slams)
23
00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:40,055
- Shh! They're here.
- I'm not very good with young women.
24
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,012
You used to be. Just try and remember how.
25
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:47,495
(Mouths)
26
00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:49,531
- Hello.
- Ah, Sandy.
27
00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:53,209
- (Lionel) Hello, Sandy.
- I'm not sure this is a good idea.
28
00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:57,219
- Don't be silly!
- It's a great idea, even if I didn't think of it.
29
00:01:57,260 --> 00:01:59,376
There you are. Lionel.
30
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,819
Lionel?
31
00:02:01,740 --> 00:02:04,459
I think it's a crackpot idea, to be truthful.
32
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,378
- (Alistair) Li...
- But it's well-intentioned
33
00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:11,174
and it's been arranged by people
who care for you so make the best of it.
34
00:02:11,220 --> 00:02:13,290
- Oh!
- Hm. (Chuckles)
35
00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:15,331
You did remember.
36
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:18,573
Come on, let's all sit down and have a drink.
37
00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:22,090
And a peanut and a thing on a stick.
What'll it be, Sandy?
38
00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:25,655
- Gin and tonic, please.
- I've booked a table at Simpson's.
39
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:29,534
- I think we can stand that.
- Simpson's? I should split up more often.
40
00:02:29,580 --> 00:02:32,174
- (Doorbell)
- Oh, now who's that?
41
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:36,657
- Why do people say that?
- You're not trying to fix me up, are you?
42
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:39,578
- Of course not.
- I could have half a dozen A1 guys
43
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:43,010
- on the doorstep with their tongues out.
- No, thank you.
44
00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:46,450
- They could lick the steps clean.
- (All laugh)
45
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,333
Look, er, I'm sorry but it's my father.
46
00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:52,770
Don't be sorry.
(Whispers) He's absolutely sweet.
47
00:02:52,820 --> 00:02:55,380
Oh, Mr Hardcastle, how nice to see you again.
48
00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:58,014
Mm, Jean Pargetter.
49
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:03,012
- You look more dishy every time I see you.
- Didn't I tell you he was sweet?
50
00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:05,494
- This is my daughter, Judith.
- Hello.
51
00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:07,895
You're almost as dishy as your mother.
52
00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:11,330
- And this is my sec... Well, my friend, Sandy.
- Hello.
53
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:14,531
A man could go mad with desire in this room.
54
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:18,736
- You know Alistair?
- Of course. Hello, young fellow.
55
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:21,692
Haven't seen you
since you were a martyr to acne.
56
00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:25,779
- Father!
- No probs. I was called Spotted Dick at school.
57
00:03:25,820 --> 00:03:28,493
- Ugh!
- Well, do sit down, Mr Hardcastle.
58
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:30,531
- Have a drink.
- Yes, Scotch.
59
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:33,856
And cut out all the "Mr" stuff, eh?
Call me Rocky.
60
00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:36,255
- "Rocky"?
- Oh, not that again.
61
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,860
I never did like being called Richard.
62
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:44,418
I did think at one time of getting meself
rechristened but the vicar wouldn't wear it.
63
00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,451
Oh, I'm sorry to barge in on you like this.
64
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:49,810
You young people
are obviously going out on the town.
65
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:52,579
Yes. What are you doing here anyway?
66
00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:54,656
- Lionel!
- What?
67
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:58,295
As a matter of fact,
I came up to London to see my quack.
68
00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:04,131
I'm getting married next week so I thought it
was only fair to have an... an MOT, eh?
69
00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:08,458
I just thought I'd drop in and feast my eyes
on one of the bridesmaids.
70
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,058
(Chuckles)
71
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,499
Me.
72
00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:13,931
A bridesmaid?
73
00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:16,255
Smirk and you don't get a pudding.
74
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:19,736
- And, my boy, to ask you a favour.
- What sort of favour?
75
00:04:19,780 --> 00:04:22,817
I wonder if you'd give Madge away for me?
76
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:28,571
Her Uncle Henry was going to do it but he's...
he's drying out somewhere in Wiltshire.
77
00:04:28,620 --> 00:04:32,852
- Not a very flattering way to be asked.
- Now don't be precious.
78
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:36,893
I know you're a bit of a dismal jimmy
but you do hold yourself well.
79
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:39,852
- Well, if you insist.
- There's a good man.
80
00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:42,130
Rocky, why don't you join us?
81
00:04:42,180 --> 00:04:45,889
- You get to sit next to Sandy.
- Ooh, rock on.
82
00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:50,491
Actually we had better, er, saddle up.
They like punctuality at Simpson's.
83
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:55,819
Simpson's? That's still full of old buffers
discussing the relief of Mafeking!
84
00:04:55,860 --> 00:05:02,174
No, if I'm coming along I shall insist on dancing
half the night away with this delicious creature.
85
00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:06,418
- I shall look forward to that.
- They do a good bread and butter pudding.
86
00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:11,659
Bread and butter pudding? I'll tell you what,
why don't we boogie somewhere
87
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:16,137
and then have a burger
at the Hard Rock Café, eh? Come on!
88
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:19,695
Come on, Rocky Two.
89
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:24,851
He's not at all like you, is he... Jimmy?
90
00:05:26,180 --> 00:05:28,410
I sometimes wonder if I was adopted.
91
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:33,933
Taxi!
92
00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:45,692
(Jean) Much better
than going somewhere stuffy.
93
00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:50,177
- I'm sorry you have to go.
- It's high time I was toddling.
94
00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:53,895
I daresay you young things
will be going on somewhere?
95
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:57,057
- Very probably.
- I'll say good night then, eh?
96
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,852
(All) Good night.
97
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,494
Wait a minute, I've had a wonderful idea.
98
00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:02,768
Oh, God.
99
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,937
You young 'uns
must come to the wedding as well.
100
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:10,815
No, I'll brook no argument.
No, no, the more the merrier. That's fixed.
101
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,291
Rock on, Jean Pargetter.
102
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:16,570
Rock on, Rocky.
103
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:18,451
Look, Father...
104
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:22,539
- You're going to say something sensible.
- Yes, I am.
105
00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:25,890
There may be no trains to Hampshire
at this time of night.
106
00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:29,694
- I'm putting up at the club.
- What, the ROC?
107
00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:33,176
Oh, do move with the times. Groucho's!
108
00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:35,051
Night, all!
109
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,091
(All) Good night.
110
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:40,855
(All) Bye!
111
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:47,290
- What a lovely man.
- Isn't he gorgeous.
112
00:06:50,060 --> 00:06:53,655
- You two are very quiet.
- Outclassed is the word.
113
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:56,976
- At least the old fool cheered Sandy up.
- You all did.
114
00:06:57,020 --> 00:07:00,774
- We're on a roll. Let's go on somewhere.
- Good idea. Mum?
115
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:04,529
- I don't think I have Rocky's stamina.
- For which I'm grateful.
116
00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:08,732
Jean and I will finish the evening
by knocking a policeman's helmet off.
117
00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:10,771
Then we'll get home by hansom cab.
118
00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:19,853
I really want to go to bed
but I'm too tired to climb the stairs.
119
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,891
He gets worse, my father.
120
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:23,931
He cheered Sandy up.
121
00:07:23,980 --> 00:07:26,210
Mm. Nice girl, Sandy.
122
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:27,693
Yes.
123
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,935
Nice knees.
124
00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:33,016
Why did you have to add that?
125
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:37,338
I don't know. I suppose her knees
just popped into my head.
126
00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:39,814
Would you mind popping them out again?
127
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,249
- Probably best.
- Certainly best.
128
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:45,053
Oh! Are you staying?
129
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,499
Oh...
130
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:49,612
- Would you mind?
- Of course I wouldn't mind.
131
00:07:50,780 --> 00:07:52,896
Judith doesn't mind, does she?
132
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,090
Why should she?
133
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:59,736
Well... I wouldn't want her to think of us as...
134
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,577
seedy.
135
00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:07,217
- Sometimes you can be positively Dickensian.
- He was a personal friend of mine.
136
00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:10,457
- I'm looking forward to the wedding.
- I'm not.
137
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:15,210
I can't rid myself of the feeling that I'll be
giving away one loony to another loony.
138
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:26,979
- Monster day for it, Li.
- Yes. Monster.
139
00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:29,932
("Colonel Bogey" horn honking)
140
00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:34,098
- You're being beeped, Alistair.
- He can't overtake here.
141
00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:36,176
Great horn.
142
00:08:36,220 --> 00:08:38,495
Great car!
143
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:43,739
- It's Cowboy!
- He's beginning to get up my nose.
144
00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:46,613
- Put your foot down.
- Yes, burn some rubber.
145
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:50,619
- Mum!
- It's my father making you say things like that.
146
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:53,936
"Burn some rubber"! Alistair, let the fool past.
147
00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:57,131
Goes against the sporting grain
but you're right.
148
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:59,216
Come on, you pretentious nerk.
149
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:06,655
Thank you, partner!
150
00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:09,891
(Horn honks)
151
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:12,932
- What on earth was that?
- The bride.
152
00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:23,889
- Penny for them.
- Oh.
153
00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:26,215
- I was thinking about Nick.
- Nick?
154
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:29,058
My boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.
155
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:32,251
He phoned last night. He wanted to talk.
156
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,530
- And did you?
- No.
157
00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:37,572
- I was ironing.
- You could have stopped.
158
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:40,339
(Sighs) I think we've done all the talking.
159
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:46,090
- You're far too young to say that.
- Perhaps you're right. Look at your dad.
160
00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:48,131
I'd sooner not.
161
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:52,139
- You look very nice.
- Thank you. So do you.
162
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:54,136
I feel like something in a shop window.
163
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:55,932
This is all wrong, isn't it?
164
00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:58,289
No, it isn't. You look great.
165
00:09:58,340 --> 00:10:00,331
I look like a Michelin Man.
166
00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:02,575
- You don't.
- It's so young!
167
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,611
It isn't. Lionel?
168
00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:06,696
- What?
- Well, what do you think?
169
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:10,528
She's in one of her panicky moods.
You look wonderful.
170
00:10:10,580 --> 00:10:12,810
I'm not in one of my panicky moods.
171
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:15,328
I'm just a bit nervous, that's all.
172
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:19,658
I thought I'd reached an age
where I didn't have to be a bridesmaid.
173
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:24,728
With what'll be trundling up the aisle
ahead of you you'll look a positive stripling.
174
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:27,135
You're determined to spoil today, aren't you?
175
00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:31,139
- Nothing of the sort.
- Well, brighten up. Think of Sandy's knees.
176
00:10:31,180 --> 00:10:35,219
- Is this something I should know?
- It's an ageing fantasy he has.
177
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,694
- Oh?
- I'm not ageing.
178
00:10:37,740 --> 00:10:42,291
Everyone is. Except me. This is ridiculous.
I feel like a mushroom.
179
00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:47,619
Absolute piffle. As a matter of fact
I think you look like a young Lana Turner.
180
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:51,130
- Oh!
- Look at you. Don't you look distinguished?
181
00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:53,171
Do you think so? Good.
182
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:56,212
I did think of wearing crepes and drapes...
183
00:10:56,260 --> 00:10:59,491
- then I got talked out of it.
- What did Lionel say?
184
00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:02,179
I said he'd look like a very old teddy boy.
185
00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:05,769
- That was the idea.
- Harvey Wallbangers.
186
00:11:05,820 --> 00:11:09,608
(All) Ooh!
(Rocky) Well done! A snifter before the off.
187
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,855
Ooh, just the job.
188
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:15,529
There are gale-force winds
in Ross and Cromarty.
189
00:11:15,580 --> 00:11:19,175
- A hobby of hers.
- You should be collecting the bride.
190
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:23,415
- Yes, I suppose so.
- And a smile wouldn't come amiss.
191
00:11:23,460 --> 00:11:25,451
That's rich coming from you.
192
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:29,737
- I shall be smiling as we walk up the aisle.
- "We"?
193
00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:32,089
Mrs Bale's the other bridesmaid.
194
00:11:32,140 --> 00:11:34,813
Oh. How nice.
195
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:39,092
- That's exactly what I said.
- What a shame the circus isn't in town,
196
00:11:39,140 --> 00:11:41,131
they could round things off.
197
00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:46,856
- Sorry about Lionel.
- Yes, I'm sorry about Lionel sometimes.
198
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:50,654
I'd better make sure
that Judith and Alistair are dressed.
199
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:53,055
Oh, I should have said "dressed up".
200
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:04,450
Jean Pargetter, you don't think
I'm just a silly old twerp, do you?
201
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,934
- Of course not!
- Lionel does.
202
00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:09,255
That makes him the silly old twerp.
203
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,609
I do wish you two were married.
204
00:12:11,660 --> 00:12:13,651
Well, it's a bit late now.
205
00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:16,855
Oh, I've said it to the wrong person.
206
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:19,368
Are you even shacked up together yet?
207
00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:21,888
No, not really. He stays sometimes...
208
00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:24,738
Yes, but it's all a bit meander-y, isn't it?
209
00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:28,250
Well, we don't feel much
like a raging torrent these days.
210
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,170
Bad news, I'm afraid.
211
00:12:31,220 --> 00:12:34,371
Mr Fishwick has broken his tibia.
212
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,810
Damn and blast the man!
How did he manage that?
213
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:40,579
He fell off his exercise bicycle.
214
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,657
- Who's Mr Fishwick?
- The best man!
215
00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:51,939
Shan't be a mo. Have a bash at the drums
if the mood takes you.
216
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:54,971
I don't think it will somehow.
217
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:58,137
- It's terribly therapeutic!
- I'm sure it is.
218
00:12:58,180 --> 00:13:00,740
Oh, I just had to loosen my blue garter.
219
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:04,250
The wretched thing
was cutting off the circulation in my leg.
220
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,291
How do I look?
221
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:10,209
You won't be wearing the hat, will you?
222
00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:12,979
I suppose not. I was tempted.
223
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:16,012
- It belonged to Johnny Cash, you know.
- Really?
224
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:17,891
You know, A Boy Named Sue?
225
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,650
Sorry?
226
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,895
The song.
227
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:26,091
- Oh.
- I've got some of his chewing tobacco too.
228
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:30,019
- (Doorbell)
- That's the bridesmaids. Let them in, will you?
229
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,459
Right.
230
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:36,528
You don't chew tobacco, do you?
231
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:41,014
Of course not. What a strange question.
(Chuckles)
232
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,375
Aha... Sorry, Johnny.
233
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:52,649
Madge, you haven't met your other bridesmaid.
Er, Madge, Jean.
234
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:54,497
(Both) Hello!
235
00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:58,010
Well, you'll certainly
bring the average age down.
236
00:13:58,060 --> 00:14:00,210
Oh, I like her, dear, I really do.
237
00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:02,251
This isn't right, is it?
238
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,939
Erm... Well, let me help.
239
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:06,208
Thanks.
240
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:10,253
- You know Mrs Bale.
- Of course. How's the Channel today?
241
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,575
- Choppy.
- Dear, dear.
242
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,975
- May I introduce Alistair Deacon.
- Hi.
243
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,580
Aren't you pretty?
244
00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:19,850
(Mouths) I'm supposed to say that.
245
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:23,734
- Do you play the saxophone?
- Er, no, I'm afraid not. Why?
246
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,055
You just looked as though you might.
247
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:29,251
Alistair, aren't you at the wrong end of things?
248
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:32,258
Normally I would be, Li, but we're onto plan B.
249
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:36,009
Yes, Mr Fishwick fell of his bike
and fractured his tibia.
250
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:38,574
- But he's the best man.
- Well, was.
251
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:42,693
Hence, plan B. Your father wants you
to step into the breach.
252
00:14:42,740 --> 00:14:46,016
- Isn't that wonderful?
- Wonderful. What about Madge?
253
00:14:46,060 --> 00:14:49,132
Oh, I don't mind.
No, I mean who gives you away?
254
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,250
- Ah.
- Alistair.
255
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,494
I'd be honoured if you've no objections.
256
00:14:55,540 --> 00:15:00,091
Good Lord, no. Good for the image,
being given away by a bit of a hunk.
257
00:15:00,140 --> 00:15:01,937
Monster!
258
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:14,217
I bet I cry. They always get to me, weddings.
How about you?
259
00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:17,411
- I've tried it twice, remember?
- Sorry.
260
00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:20,452
What about Nick? You planning to get married?
261
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,776
- We've just split up, remember?
- Sorry.
262
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,732
(Laughs) What a ridiculous conversation.
263
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:30,170
Old Rocky and Madge
aren't setting the best example.
264
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:33,656
Making the rest of us
feel too young to get married.
265
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,419
We'd better go in. You stocked up with tissues?
266
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:38,451
Got half a box in here.
267
00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,371
Say again?
268
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:53,095
The parrot says, "No, I got overexcited
and fell off my perch."
269
00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:55,449
- That's the punch line?
- Yes.
270
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:59,095
- The parrot couldn't hold on...
- I understand the joke,
271
00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:02,576
- I just don't think it's funny.
- I don't know any more.
272
00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:04,736
- You must know some.
- Thousands.
273
00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:07,169
But I don't think you could tell them.
274
00:16:07,220 --> 00:16:09,939
I'll just do my speech without a joke, then.
275
00:16:09,980 --> 00:16:13,052
A wise move on the whole.
Have you got the ring?
276
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:16,854
Yes, I'm remarkably proficient
at the non-joke stuff.
277
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:18,891
Ah. Over the top, then.
278
00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:20,419
Right.
279
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:25,056
- You're sure about the parrot joke?
- Positive.
280
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,011
(Blows)
281
00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:38,574
- Nothing's happened yet.
- I know.
282
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:44,134
(# Mendelssohn: Wedding March)
283
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,933
I haven't seen so many funny hats for ages.
284
00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:05,618
Just remember, you wanted to wear a Stetson.
285
00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:09,851
...left, forwards right,
286
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:11,891
forwards left...
287
00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:14,932
Will you stop doing that? You're putting me off.
288
00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:26,458
My God, Madge, you're a cracker.
289
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,491
So are you.
290
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:32,570
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
291
00:17:32,620 --> 00:17:36,659
in the sight of God
and in the face of this congregation
292
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:40,215
to join together this man and this woman
293
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,251
in holy matrimony.
294
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:46,452
Therefore if any man can show any just cause
295
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,776
why they may not lawfully be joined together,
296
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:54,291
let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
297
00:17:56,180 --> 00:18:00,412
Wilt thou love her, comfort her,
honour and keep her
298
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:05,011
in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other
299
00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:09,815
keep thee only unto her
so long as ye both shall live?
300
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:11,978
Rock on!
301
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:17,173
Er, sorry... I will.
302
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,933
Madge Evita Darblay,
303
00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:25,336
wilt thou have this man
to be thy wedded husband,
304
00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:28,133
to live together after God's...
305
00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:33,329
...and is declared the same
by the giving and receiving of a ring
306
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,450
and by the joining of hands.
307
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:39,493
I pronounce that they be man and wife together
308
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:41,656
in the name of the Father
309
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:45,215
and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.
310
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:47,728
- Amen.
- Amen.
311
00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:52,338
(# Organ plays celebratory tune)
312
00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:04,096
(Cheering, bells chiming)
313
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:17,537
...and the parrot says,
"No, I got so excited I fell off my perch."
314
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:20,653
Yes.
315
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,691
That's it.
316
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,777
- Sorry?
- I rejigged the wording as well.
317
00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:29,495
A joke like that doesn't need rejigging,
it needs burying.
318
00:19:29,540 --> 00:19:33,089
- My father said the same thing.
- Well, don't tell any jokes,
319
00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:34,778
just say what you feel.
320
00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:36,378
No, no, I'll rejig that.
321
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:41,574
- Don't say what you feel, say... Well, say...
- Would you like to make the speech?
322
00:19:41,620 --> 00:19:45,295
- I thought it was beautiful.
- I thought it was a farce.
323
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:48,935
There's Madge being given away
by someone she's only just met.
324
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:52,893
I'm only the best man
because the original one fell off his bike.
325
00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:55,534
- A deranged bridesmaid...
- Sorry?
326
00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:57,571
No, not you, Mrs Bale.
327
00:19:57,620 --> 00:20:00,339
She's not deranged. She's just a bit odd.
328
00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:02,416
It was all a bit odd.
329
00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:05,570
"As long as you both shall live"?
330
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:09,090
One of 'em could be back
for the funeral in a month.
331
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:12,849
They're young in their hearts -
they're young lovers.
332
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:18,452
- Well, so am I, in my heart.
- Oh, yes? Who's the girl, Hedy Lamarr?
333
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:19,649
You.
334
00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:25,939
Every time I'm with you it all comes back -
us, all those years ago. But look at us now.
335
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:30,292
- I'd sooner not be included in that remark.
- I'm just being realistic.
336
00:20:30,340 --> 00:20:33,093
- No, you're being depressive.
- Realistic.
337
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:36,177
At their age, where do they think they're going?
338
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:40,532
I don't know but somewhere.
Which is more than can be said for us.
339
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:43,411
Mum. Mum?
340
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:47,817
- You've got a face like thunder.
- Mrs Bale's the weather expert.
341
00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:51,409
- Have you and Lionel had another row?
- "Another"?
342
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:54,054
- You've been at it all day.
- It's his fault.
343
00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:57,012
- Of course it is. Why?
- He's such a misery guts.
344
00:20:57,060 --> 00:21:00,177
He's jealous of his own father.
Can you believe that?
345
00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:03,417
Yes, I can. I'm jealous of you sometimes.
346
00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:07,974
- What on earth for?
- Because you've got your life together.
347
00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:10,978
You're in control, you know where you're going.
348
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:15,013
You've heard of a hollow laugh?
If I knew how to do it, I'd do it.
349
00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:19,211
Thanks, Mrs Bale.
350
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:22,932
Lionel Hardcastle, sorry to keep you.
351
00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:25,289
Oh, Dr Field. Don't you want my father?
352
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:28,891
Oh. Well, fine.
353
00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:36,291
I see.
354
00:21:37,820 --> 00:21:39,811
Go on.
355
00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:44,376
The last telegram, or telemessage,
as they now insist on calling them,
356
00:21:44,420 --> 00:21:48,572
comes from somebody calling himself...
Cannonball Perkins.
357
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:52,491
It reads...
358
00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:55,730
"Groove, kids, groove."
359
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:58,491
Good old Cannonball!
360
00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:04,092
At this point I was going to tell a joke
about a parrot with no feet
361
00:22:04,140 --> 00:22:06,495
but I've been... put off the idea.
362
00:22:07,180 --> 00:22:13,050
Instead, it's time I said a word or two
about the bride and groom.
363
00:22:15,020 --> 00:22:17,693
To some, who may not know Rocky and Madge,
364
00:22:17,740 --> 00:22:20,971
today may have a slightly bizarre tinge.
365
00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:24,376
Let's be honest, it has.
366
00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:28,531
But to those of us who do know them...
367
00:22:29,580 --> 00:22:31,571
it's really rather fine.
368
00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:33,859
Erm...
369
00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:38,098
At an age when they
certainly couldn't have got life insurance
370
00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:41,769
they have invested in each other instead.
371
00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:46,132
It takes courage, it takes hope...
372
00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:48,171
...and it takes love
373
00:22:49,140 --> 00:22:53,099
These... they have in abundance.
374
00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:57,376
Please, raise your glasses to Rocky and Madge.
375
00:22:58,900 --> 00:23:00,652
(All) Rocky and Madge!
376
00:23:01,460 --> 00:23:03,257
Rocky and Madge.
377
00:23:13,580 --> 00:23:15,616
I always suspected it, you know.
378
00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:18,857
Underneath it all, old Li's just an old softpot.
379
00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:21,698
I wouldn't like to try to prove it in court.
380
00:23:21,740 --> 00:23:24,459
- Mum, you heard his speech.
- I did.
381
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:26,570
- And?
- I couldn't believe it.
382
00:23:26,620 --> 00:23:29,498
Which proves my point. Li is an old softpot.
383
00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:31,610
- Or a very good liar.
- Oh, Mum...
384
00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:35,255
He's been behaving like
the ghost at the wedding feast.
385
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:38,451
- Now he turns into the good fairy. Why?
- Ask him.
386
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:41,458
I shall when I get the chance. Here they come.
387
00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:44,333
(Cheering)
388
00:23:46,820 --> 00:23:50,733
I'll say goodbye now, me boy,
and... thanks for the words.
389
00:23:50,780 --> 00:23:54,250
- Damned eloquent at the end of the day.
- I'll look after him, you know.
390
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,689
- At breakneck pace?
- The only way to go.
391
00:23:56,740 --> 00:23:59,573
I was afraid of that. Good luck, Madge.
392
00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:04,288
Cheerio, Father. Take care...
393
00:24:05,340 --> 00:24:08,650
- Have a good time.
- We shall, we shall.
394
00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:11,453
Next week we'll be at the home of the king.
395
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:13,092
King?
396
00:24:13,140 --> 00:24:15,176
King Elvis, of course!
397
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:17,529
Goodbye, me boy. Bye!
398
00:24:17,580 --> 00:24:19,616
(All) Bye!
399
00:24:28,180 --> 00:24:30,375
(Cheering)
400
00:24:33,260 --> 00:24:36,172
(# Horn honks Colonel Bogey)
401
00:24:38,660 --> 00:24:40,810
(Man) Yee-ha!
402
00:24:46,060 --> 00:24:51,180
Oh! You've just missed
Mrs Bale doing the lambada with Alistair.
403
00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:53,256
It'll all be on a video.
404
00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:57,612
Including the Lone Ranger and Tonto
riding off into the sunset.
405
00:24:57,660 --> 00:24:59,651
It was a beautiful speech.
406
00:25:00,380 --> 00:25:03,178
- Even without a parrot joke?
- Particularly.
407
00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:07,213
Now call me suspicious but you can't
have had a change of heart that quickly.
408
00:25:09,940 --> 00:25:12,932
I had a phone call from father's doctor today.
409
00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:16,416
The old fool will be lucky
if he lasts another year.
410
00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:20,291
Oh, I'm sorry.
411
00:25:20,340 --> 00:25:23,457
- Did you tell him?
- Hardly an opportune moment.
412
00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:25,297
- Will you tell him?
- No.
413
00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:33,209
What do they say? One crowded hour
of glorious life is worth an age without a name?
414
00:25:34,780 --> 00:25:36,771
That's the way they see it.
415
00:25:36,820 --> 00:25:39,971
Let them have their crowded hour.
Every minute of it.
416
00:25:46,020 --> 00:25:48,215
We should be going soon.
417
00:25:48,260 --> 00:25:49,773
Yes.
418
00:25:49,820 --> 00:25:53,369
I'd hate you to get trapped in the lambada
with Mrs Bale.
419
00:25:58,980 --> 00:26:01,892
- (Judith) Alistair, slow down.
- I'm only doing 30.
420
00:26:01,940 --> 00:26:04,454
- No, I saw something on the tree.
- So did I.
421
00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:06,695
Look, there's another one.
422
00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:11,090
- (Jean) Oh, my.
- What?
423
00:26:11,140 --> 00:26:13,051
Go on, Alistair, slowly.
424
00:26:30,420 --> 00:26:33,457
Now, that has style. I like it.
425
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:35,172
So do I.
426
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:37,529
- It's Nick.
- Ahh.
427
00:26:41,940 --> 00:26:44,659
- (Engine stops)
- Go on, Sandy.
428
00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:49,691
(Sighs)
429
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,616
What a lovely way to apologise.
430
00:27:17,660 --> 00:27:19,651
I can't ride a motorbike.
431
00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:21,930
You've got nothing to apologise for.
432
00:27:29,060 --> 00:27:31,210
You did very well today.
433
00:27:31,260 --> 00:27:34,775
It's made me think,
this going somewhere business.
434
00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:36,811
I think it's time we did.
435
00:27:37,860 --> 00:27:39,373
Oh?
436
00:27:39,420 --> 00:27:42,696
I think we should make a start
and live together.
437
00:27:46,260 --> 00:27:48,057
I see.
438
00:27:52,940 --> 00:27:55,738
- Bad time?
- (Laughs) No.
439
00:27:55,780 --> 00:27:57,850
Rather a good time, actually.
440
00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:08,259
# You must remember this
441
00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:10,860
# A kiss is still a kiss
442
00:28:10,900 --> 00:28:14,290
# A sigh is just a sigh
443
00:28:16,260 --> 00:28:20,014
# The fundamental things apply
444
00:28:20,060 --> 00:28:23,814
# As time goes by
445
00:28:27,060 --> 00:28:29,813
# And when two lovers woo
446
00:28:29,860 --> 00:28:32,613
# They still say I love you
447
00:28:32,660 --> 00:28:35,572
# On that you can rely
448
00:28:38,180 --> 00:28:42,537
# The world will always welcome lovers
449
00:28:43,820 --> 00:28:51,773
# As time goes by #
450
00:28:51,823 --> 00:28:56,373
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