All language subtitles for American Housewife s01e13 Then and Now.eng

Come on, get in the car...
Family breakfast.

Mom, I have to practice
my squat jumps for volleyball.

Your what? Oh, good Lord.

If I did that, Anna-Kat wouldn't wouldn't
be the only one peeing in the yard.

Get in the car.

Oh, and we have to stop by Office Depot.

I need to make some posters for
the school's recycling drive...

- chairman.
- You can start by recycling

that stupid blue bag
from The New York Times

that you leave next to
the toilet every day.

- Do I have to go?
- Yes!

I want a fun family outing.
Now get in the car.

- [Lock clicks]
- Mom, we talked about the sweat pants...

Westporters get dressed
to go out in public.

We're not Westporters.

We are renters who live in Westport.

It is a small distinction,
but I cling to it.

[Sternly] Now, get in the car.

Mama, I found this on the windshield.

A "concerned" neighbor thinks

we should get the dent
in our minivan fixed.

It's sullying the neighborhood.

And look at that... unsigned.

There's something very wrong
with this place.

Coward!

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

Anna-Kat, the weird-versus-cute ratio

is getting way out of whack.

Don't talk to your sister like that.

She's always embarrassing me.

You should see how she walks
down the hall at school.

Hey, isn't that your sister?

Yeah. She's feral.
We found her in the woods.

I don't care if she's setting
the teachers' lounge on fire.

You're her brother,
and you need to have her back.

Katie: And just in case...

I actually do care if you set
the teachers' lounge on fire.

- Mnh-mnh!
- No cellphones.

I have rights.

[Scoffs] Isn't that cute?

No, you don't.

Whoever told you that
is not helping you.

I am in charge,

and we are going to have
a low-tech family breakfast

like we used to do back home.

Westport is our home.
We're not visiting.

You know, I saw on Facebook that
everyone from our old cul-de-sac

got together
for the annual kickball game.

Carl made that punch in a trash
can that he always brings.

What's that stuff called?

- Trash Can Punch.
- Yeah, that makes sense.

They didn't even think to invite us.

Because we don't live there anymore.

We still kind of live there.

In no way, shape, or form
do we live there.

That's why I said "kind of."

I'm bored.

Okay, let's play a family game.
I Spy. Who wants to go first?

I'd love to go first.

Oh!

I spy Alice coming in,
and I spy you in sweat pants,

so I spy me going over to her.

It's "I spy with my little eye"!

Oh! I spy with my little eye the
girls from the volleyball team.

I Spy is really
bringing this family together.

Why don't they want to eat with us?

You should be happy
they're making friends.

Yeah, Westport friends.

Look at them...
They're probably talking about

their Christmas vacation
in Turks and Caicos.

I am angry that I even know
what Turks and Caicos is now.

And look at Taylor and her friends...

They are splitting a muffin
four ways. Why?

Because this town muffin shames
women, and it starts early.

I just wanted to do something
as a family,

and this town is getting in our way.

Can I have some cream?

Soy, almond, cashew, or lactose-free?

Mnh-mnh. Half-and-half.

Half almond, half soy?

No. Half milk, half fatter milk.

Oh, I'm sorry.
We stopped carrying cream.

Nobody wants it, because
it's very unhealthy for you.

No... This was not the day to say that.

I want cream and other normal stuff.

I object to gluten-free pancakes,

turkey bacon, and almond soy milk!

I want real milk.

Why can't any of you in this
town be normal and regular?

And why can't any of you

drink cocktails out of a trash
can like the rest of America?!

Huh?!

This might be why they don't
want to eat with us.

Well, that about wraps up the
popular phase of our childhood.

The cream was my last straw.

Now I get why Fat Pam moved away.

I wonder what her last straw was.

Maybe she got her arm stuck
in one of those tiny blouses

that they sell on Main Street
and couldn't get it out.

Then the seam split,
she had to roll it up in a ball,

hide it in her pants,

and then throw it out
in the ladies' room.

I'm worried about
how specific that example was.

No bright-siding it...
We just don't fit in,

and I haven't liked it
since the minute we got here.

_

I love it! I have such
a good feeling about this!

Hello!

Hi! I'm Katie.

- Ah, nice to meet you.
- This is my husband, Greg.

- Hello.
- Hello.

And this is Taylor and Oliver.

Hi. You play volleyball?

- Yes.
- Westport Unified has a great team.

Oh, good to know.

I played when I went there...
State champions, 1956.

Yeah, but do you have a Quidditch team?

Oliver's going through a very
intense Harry Potter phase.

We still like him,
but it's been a struggle.

Come on in. I'll show you the place.

You two go wait in the car.

To Platform 9 3/4!

[Exhales sharply]

That Lemony Snicket phase is looking
pretty good right about now.

- They can come in.
- Oh, no.

Our youngest daughter
Anna-Kat is in the car.

She is afraid of strangers,
lawns, and germs.

We're actually moving to
Westport to help her...

...so hopefully she'll be
rolling around your lawn

covered with germs with a stranger.

Okay! [Laughing] Well, come on in.

So, that's it.

[Exhales sharply]

It's really nice, but I don't know.

It's a little out of our price range.

Maybe we should look at other towns.

- You see like down-to-Earth people.
- We are.

We're very respectful
of the laws of gravity.

He makes jokes like that.

I like you two.

If you're interested,

I'll figure out a way to make it work.

[Car horn honks in distance]

- Well, thank...
- [Horn honks]

- Thank you very...
- [Honking continues]

Well, that's our Anna-Kat.

She also doesn't like
confined spaces or cars.

But bright side...
She hates Harry Potter.

Mm-hmm.

What'd you think?

I'm not sure. Do we belong
in a fancy town like this?

Well, hello. I'm Pam.
I live across the street.

- [Car horn honks]
- Katie.

I'm Greg.

I'm gonna go deal with that.

Are you thinking of moving in?

- Maybe.
- Oh, well, you just have to.

Well, I don't know much about the town.

Oh, the people of Westport
are so warm and welcoming.

You have to rent it.
I just can't let you go!

[Laughs]

Pam: Could I do such a thing?

Could I trick this lady into moving here

so there'd be another
fat housewife in Westport?

Fudge?

You are so sweet.

Apparently, I could.

I think I'm gonna love it here.

Katie: She tricked me.
Damn you, Fat Pam.

[Engine shuts off]

What the hell?

Oh, my God.

They're selling our lawn.

Greg: You have no right to sell
our house out from under us.

Yes, I know it's not our house,

and you have every right to do
it, so I was wrong about that.

But surely you have
some sense of moral obligation?

Okay, so I was wrong about that, too.

To be fair, you don't own
the house, your mother does,

so I would like
to have her contact information.

No, I am not going to do that to myself.

Wow. Don just went premium cable
at the end there.

Why don't we just buy the house?

I'll give you several million
reasons why we can't do that.

We can rent.

There's a place on Bayberry Lane
for $17,000 a month.

I'll give you 15,000 reasons
why we can't do that.

What do we do?

Move... to a normal town
with normal people

with restaurants that have
normal coffee additives.

- We can't leave Westport!
- We're all happy here.

Not all of us. This is a sign
that we should move.

And there is a literal sign
in our front yard

telling us that we have to move.

So it's a sign and a sign.

I won't accept that. You know what?

We don't need Don to tell us
where his mother is.

We can look up Linda Smith online

and convince her to change her mind.

Linda Smith.

I'll give you 14,753 reasons
why that won't work.

Right.

I know Taylor and Oliver would be mad

if we moved to a town like this,

but they were mad
the first time that we moved,

and they got over it.

Well, what about Anna-Kat?

She's taken a bit of a step back lately.

Dr. Ellie says it's all part of
the process, but I don't know.

Maybe a fresh start someplace
new is exactly what she needs.

- Do you have any soy milk?
- No.

- Cashew milk?
- No.

- Lactose-free?
- No.

Rice milk?

Any other questions?

No. You've answered them all correctly.

This table is sticky.

I'm supposed to bus my own table?

I am a U.S. citizen.

Look at him... He doesn't care.

None of these people care here.

They're not worried what they're wearing

or how many calories are in egg whites

or if they brushed their teeth
this morning.

Did you not brush your teeth
this morning?

Not sure.

A town like this is where I belong,

- not Westport.
- Katie, you can't move.

Think about us... Without you,

we're just two wealthy minorities

sitting on the same side of a table.

[Chuckling]

Aren't you gonna miss this?

I mean, Westport is beautiful.

I know, but nothing in there fits me,

- a candle in there costs $300...
- [Laughs]

...and there's a restaurant
that will serve you

an entire three-course meal
inside a mason jar.

Still, you can't move.

Move? You can't move.

If you move, that'll make me

the second-fattest housewife
in Westport.

What's this?

Sit.

This is an intervention.

So, I want to review the rules...

We can say anything
we want to say to Mom

without repercussions?

- Yes.
- Okay. I'll go first.

Mom, your wanting to move
makes me feel...

She just walked away.

Huh. I did not account for that.

You know, I promised the kids

you'd listen to what they had to say.

- Yeah, I got that...
- [Drawer closes]

...but no thank you.

What's going on, honey?

Oliver has his first girlfriend,

Taylor is the captain
of the volleyball team,

and Anna-Kat is finally making friends,

I'm Chairman of the...

I do not want to hear about
the Recycling Committee.

It's not a hard position to acquire.

Sounds like the First Lady of Recycling
needs an attitude adjustment.

The kids don't want to move.

You would have heard that if you
had stayed for the intervention.

I am not going to be lectured
by my children.

They destroyed my body and my career

and almost all my furniture.

But you're the one
who was always pushing

for family breakfasts
and family outings and...

I am done being judged by
all the supermodel mommies

when I drop the kids off
without a full face of makeup.

I am done with them telling me
that my car is dented

and that I have to wear a bra
in the grocery store.

I'm done with this place, Greg.

And seeing that sign go up in our yard

just made it all clear to me.

You know, I let you be captain
of this ship most of the time,

because you enjoy it,

and you're better
at picking TV shows than I am.

But just so that we're on the same page,

everything you just listed...
They're all about you.

Nothing about how the kids feel
about this place or how I feel,

but I guess that's all
that matters... How you feel.

Mom, your wanting to move
makes me feel...

- [Door opens]
- [Door closes]

- [Grunts]
- What is she doing?

[Grunts]

Mom, what is going on?

I may not belong here,
but the rest of you do,

and that's what counts.

Let's do this.

- [Grunts]
- Yeah!

- Yeah!
- [Laughter]

You realize the house
is still for sale, right?

[Sighs]

I ruined the moment.

Here you go.

Okay... shut the curtains
and lock the doors.

They can't buy what they can't see.

- [Lock jostles]
- Todd: Hello? Anyone home?

My key doesn't work.

We changed the locks. Go away.

This house is not for sale.

It is. That sign
with my name on it says so.

Just open up. This tray
of cookies is getting heavy.

Hey!

We're not going anywhere.

Yeah! [Bleep] you, Todd!

Too much?

You know, people don't really
need to see the inside.

Whoever buys this house
is just gonna tear it down.

Then we're going down with it,

like Benjamin Guggenheim in the Titanic.

Good reference, baby.

This is a very bad situation,
but a very good cookie.

The real-estate agent is right.

Whoever buys this house
is just gonna tear it down.

I wonder if the landlord
thought of that.

Don, what can we do
to make you reconsider?

That's easy... Outbid the cash
offer that's already come in.

Or you could take a look at this.

Is it a pile of cash?

You can't put a price tag on these.

It's a box of your old stuff.

We found it in the basement.

I haven't seen
this baseball glove in 30 years.

- Takes you back, doesn't it?
- Yeah.

You probably have a lot of
memories in this house.

Sure do.

Just so you know,
when someone buys this place,

they're gonna tear it down.

Flatten it like it was never there.

And all those childhood memories...

- All those precious childhood memories.
- ...they'll go down with it.

In a cloud of dust scattered
across the fruited plains.

[Sniffs]

Linda: I'm sick of it...

You bought your mistress an apartment.

Why don't you move in with her?

Get out of my life!

Mr. Smith: You're drunk again!
You're always drunk!

[Sobs]

Yeah, lots of memories...

all bad.

I hope they level this place.

You look like you're gonna cry.
Use this.

We are not going to give up.

We're going to call every Linda Smith

in the tri-state area
until we find your mom.

She went back to her maiden name
when my dad died.

You'll never find her.

Aww...

That's where my cat Helen
had her last diabetic seizure.

He's already getting offers.
We're out of time.

I'm afraid it's over.

No, it's not. We just have to find
the woman who owns the house.

Who's gonna get her up to speed? Not it.

Group photos of
all the championship teams

are on the trophy case

with the players' names
written underneath.

Mrs. Smith was on
the 1956 championship team.

The photo would have her maiden name.

You are a genius.

Right? [Laughs]

- Okay. Spell "genius."
- Um...

Honey, walk away. Leave a winner.

Problem... The school's locked

and Don's gonna try to sell
this place as fast as he can.

Monday's gonna be too late.

Unless a member of the family

were an elected committee
official entrusted with...

a key to the school.

Oh, my God, something good has
finally come from volunteering.

[Suspenseful music plays]

The trophy case
is at the end of the hall.

[Music stops]

Whoa, whoa, whoa...
motion sensors to the alarm.

- This isn't gonna work.
- How are we gonna get past them?

- We're not.
- We should just go for it.

We can't just go for it.
I'm Chairman of the Recycling Committee.

If we get caught,
that could all go away.

Are the motion sensors
those little red lights

- that flash when people walk by?
- Yeah.

I can get past those
without them blinking.

- I do it every day.
- Ohh.

So that's why you walk
down the hall like that.

Uh-huh. It's bad luck
to make them blink.

Follow me.

[Music resumes]

[Music continues]

[Music stops]

I just realized
we didn't all have to do this.

I don't care. We're having
a fun family outing.

Now, let's find Don's mom.

Okay.

Hmm...

I think that's her... Linda Tepper.

- Linda Tepper. Good.
- [Gasps]

I'm gonna throw you all
for a loop here...

Good job, Taylor. Good job, Anna-Kat.

All right. Let's go.

[Music resumes]

There's no way I'm doing that again.

[Music stops, alarms wailing]

Babe, I'll be stripped of my position!

You're the only idiot
who wants that job.

[Grunts]

- Ms. Tepper?
- Yes?

Katie and Greg Otto...
We rent your house in Westport.

Of course! Look at you.

- [Chuckles]
- You stayed the same.

- Mm.
- Every woman who moves to Westport

starves herself to fit in.

I was afraid you might, too.

Nope. I'd like to say I tried,
but I didn't.

We'd love to talk to you
about selling the house.

Don told me you were moving.

Well, that's true, but only
because he's kicking us out.

That kid...

50 years old, and he is still
giving me headaches.

It never ends.

Please don't tell me that.

I thought you couldn't take it anymore
and wanted to move on, just like I did.

I have my days, believe me.

I get it. I grew up there.

Then all these stuck-up people moved in,

the town started changing.

The last straw for me

was when Garrity's Liquor store
was turned into a juice bar.

- Bastards.
- Juice.

What is it with Westport and the juice?

- She really doesn't like juice.
- Mnh-mnh.

So I quit... I quit Westport.

And when I met you,

I thought you are
just what that place needs,

that you would give them all
a much-needed kick in the ass.

She didn't let you down.

She kicks so much ass, she
doesn't have time to take names.

[Chuckles]

He still makes jokes like that.

You and your family can live
there as long as you like

for the same rent, as long as
you keep giving them hell.

Deal.

And if we could put that whole
"Rent forever" thing in writing,

I'd feel a lot more comfortable.

So, we are staying put for good.

Oh-hoo-hoo! I am so happy.

Doris and I practiced
having breakfast without you.

- It was bad.
- So bad.

- [Chuckles]
- I had to sit across from her

and watch her miss her mouth
with her straw

over and over and over.

All this is a lot of negative
energy for one person to absorb.

We need you.

Just give it to me straight...

What is the least-weird
milk product you've got?

- Here's some cream.
- But I thought...

We started carrying it again...
just for you.

Really?

You guys did that just for me?
Do you even know my name?

Angry lady, extra bacon?

Close enough.

[Chuckles]

- [R.E.M.'s "Shiny Happy People" plays]
- _

The truth is, I had no idea
what I was getting into

when we moved to this town.

But now, well, now I know.

Westport is the land
of hot moms and coddled kids,

golden doodles and avocado toast,

alkaline water and coffee colonics.

It's everything I can't stand.

But for better or worse...

it's our home.

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www.addic7ed.com

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