All language subtitles for About a Boy s02e18 Another Boy.eng

I can't believe
this is happening.

Will Freeman is my offering

to Oakwood Middle School's
Career Fair.

Tomorrow I'm the kid who brings
in the coolest guy ever

- for career day.
- [Chuckles]

Everybody's gonna love
my offering.

You know, you got to stop saying
that word-- "offering."

It makes me think
that you're gonna, like,

sacrifice me at an altar,
all right?

[Adanowsky's Rock Me]

this is the altar.

No, it's your booth.

It's all about you
and your legendary career

as the coolest musician
of all time.

Marcus, is that
my high-school yearbook picture

inside a glitter peace sign?

You're welcome.
Oh, look.

Kids can stick their head
through and take a picture,

and it's like they're you.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
It's all right, man.

No, I get it.
Totally, it's a cool thing.

I mean, there's pink glitter
in my hair,

A lot of pink glitter.

Have I ever worn pink
glitter in my hair?

This booth's gonna be
the talk of career day.

I mean, just look at
all these other snooze fests.

- Yeah.
- Tax attorney...

Pet groomer, architect,
antivirus expert.

What?

Oh, no offense.

I mean, I'm sure your booth
is terrific.

[Sighs]
It's not.

All right, well, I'm gonna go
pick up an extension cord

and plug this bad boy in.

Wait.
W-what does that mean?

[Sighs]

Hey, how're you doing.

This is what I'd look
like if I was a flamboyant muppet,

you know what I mean?

[Chuckles]

Will?

Hey, Liz, hey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

This is my son, Clay.

Clay, what's going on, man?
I'm a big fan of your mom's.

So, um, why are you
at my school?

Oh, I'm setting up
my career booth, yeah.

So you have a kid?

No.
My friend Marcus goes here.

So your friend
in middle school?

Friend--
well, he's my neighbor.

It's--it's complicated.

Will is a songwriter.

Yeah.
You're into music?

Yeah, yeah, I'm into music.
What'd you write?

Well, I, uh--I wrote a song
called Runaway Sleigh.

The Christmas song.
Wow, okay.

Well, in that case, congrats
on your one holiday song,

oh, and your complicated
relationship with a child.

You know, you really know
how to pick 'em, Liz.

- Hmm.
- Thanks, man.

Great to meet you.

Wow.
He's funny.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, he's kind of sarcastic.

He's got that thing going on,
a little bit hurtful.

He never likes anyone I date,

although I guess I was hoping
it would be different with you.

You don't understand.

I'm gonna make Clay realize

that you are dating
the coolest guy in town.

I hope so.

Coolest guy in town.

Let there be light!

(Man over speaker)

[Brett Dennen's Comeback Kid
(That's My Dog)]

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

[Sighs]

Oh, dude!
What are you doing?

What's up roomie.

Hey, that is a word
I never want to hear

as a 35-year-old man.

"Roomie," stop it.
What are you doing?

What am I doing?
Laurie's over there at Fiona's

having a doula session, which
I'm still not allowed to attend

on account of that fact
that we're not speaking.

It's so unfair.

You hate her doula sessions.

I can't believe
she's not talking to me yet.

All I did was get super drunk
and then blow

our future baby's college fund
on racist stage illusions.

It's bad. Now that I say it,
it's very bad.

Can we just stop talking
about you for once?

I'm having an actual crisis.

I've met Liz's son,
and I'm telling you right now,

he was super mean to me.

- That's your crisis?
- Yes.

Isn't winning over
the undying love

of middle schoolers
your specialty?

He's different, okay?

Clay is so cool, Andy,

and he met me in front
of this uber-dorky booth

that Marcus made me.

I got to take back the booth.

Do you hear yourself
sometimes?

I'm gonna make the booth
so awesome, so, so awesome.

And then Clay's gonna think
I'm awesome,

and he's gonna tell his mom,
reaffirming the fact

that I am
the greatest boyfriend ever.

[Claps hands] And then we're
gonna get you a shower,

general hygiene products,
and a furnished one-bedroom,

and my life will be perfect.

[Laurie screams]

Damn it! The raccoons
are back in the wall.

- I'm gonna get the shovel.
- Those aren't raccoons.

That's my pregnant wife.

And that's the sound she makes
right before I lose a fortune

and 18 years of my life.

It's baby time.

I'll still get the shovel.

And breathe,
and we're having a baby.

Well, you're having a baby,
but I'm assisting,

and once that happens,
I'm gonna be a certified doula.

Right, Pure Moods I
or Pure Moods II?

[Groans]

Both? Both? Both?
Yes, both.

Oh look baby,
here's your father.

He spent your college tuition
on racist magic tricks.

Out of going to magic school
and following my dreams.

Your mommy's
a dream murderer.

Hey, hey, don't say that!
No, no, no, no.

You've got to use
lovely, positive words

to welcome this baby
into a peaceful space.

Lovely words
like "love" and "harmony"

and "certified doula."

Dream murderer.
Dream murderer.

Get away from my belly.
Ah!

Oh, guys, enough, okay?

I am having
an actual crisis here.

Do 13-year-olds
still like Doritos?

What?

[Groans]
Why is this taking so long?

I usually shoot these puppies
right out.

The last time, the doctor
nicknamed my birth canal

"The Slip'n Slide," remember?

This baby better not
have inherited

your procrastinator gene.

Me? You're the one
who's genetically incapable

of showing up on time.

- Stop it, stop it.
- Oh, that is so--

Enough fighting.
The more you fight,

the more stressed
Laurie gets,

and the longer it's gonna take
till baby o'clock.

You're baby-blocking me.

I'm not baby-blocking you.

- Get out! - (Fiona) That--
- (Andy) I'm Here.

- I'm not going anywhere.
- Get out of my hospital room!

That's not what I meant.

Okay, fine.
Then I'll curtain-block you.

- What?
- No, don't curtain daddy.

You can't curtain-block me.
I'm right here. Ha ha ha!

- Oh!
- Good-bye.

Still here.

- Out.
- No.

- Huh?
- Give me this curtain.

This is my curtain!

Definitely don't tug-of-war
in mid-labor.

- Her bed's moving!
- [Groans]

Stop it!

Oh!

Fine, you win.
I'll be in the waiting room.

Not together.

Suck it.

You took everything down,

even the photo of Sriracha
meeting Paula Abdul.

Look, buddy,
I loved your booth,

but I started to feel like
it was so much about me

and not enough
about songwriting.

I don't know.
It felt like I was showing off.

I think people
would've had a lot of fun

with the Will cutout
strumming the guitar.

I'm sure they would have.
I'm sure they would have.

But you know my motto--
Modesty is the best policy.

I thought your motto was
"Deep conditioning isn't just for women."

Well, it isn't,
but, you know,

every man should have
two mottos.

All right.

It is pretty cool

that you brought in all your
guitars just for my career day.

Right?
But listen, this is a big day.

I know it's important to you.

All right?

What up, my Clayer?
That's "Clay" and "player."

I combined them.
That's what I did.

Yep, mm-hmm, clever.
Hey.

Hey, Marcus, this is
Liz my girlfriend's son.

We have math together.

Oh, right.
Hey, Marvin.

We're not close.

Hey, Clay, you left
your lunch in the car.

Whoa.
Your booth is looking good.

Tell you that, yeah.

Is it?
Analog instruments, really?

Look, all good music nowadays
is electronic, all right?

Calvin Harris, Tiesto, Skrillex,
they're the future.

Well, I love Tiesto.
I mean, they're awesome.

That goes without saying.

Tiesto is one guy.

Yeah that's what I meant.

I-I said "they" because I don't
believe in gender.

You know what?

I think I put
too much pressure on you.

You guys don't have
to get along.

[Sighs]
Oh, man.

I gotta go work.

All right, well, listen,
I got a plan, okay?

- Okay.
- It's a good one.

I'm gonna take care of it all,
all right?

All right, I need a plan.

Hey, thanks for delivering this
on such short notice.

I really appreciate it.

And we appreciate you
paying the $500 rush fee.

Hey, no problem.

If it's going to impress the
coolest kid in school, it is worth it.

He's even got
a cool-kid name--Clay.

God, I'm intimidated
just saying it.

Tiesto's gonna sound great
on this.

You know,
Tiesto's just one guy.

Okay.

Hey, you guys know
a kid named Clay?

Hey, careful with that.
That's a rental.

Hello, I've recently been
stabbed in the heart

by my best friend
and left in the dust

for his girlfriend's cooler
and more popular son.

Yeah, I feel you.

My girlfriend left me
for a programmer.

Programmers get all the play.

Mind if I talk to you in
an effort to make him jealous?

As long as you take
a pamphlet,

I don't care
what your motivations are.

Oh, Walter,
you are hilarious!

You have the best booth
at the whole fair,

and I love being
your new best friend

and confidant!

I know none of this is real.

But it's still nice to hear.

And since
we're getting close,

I should be honest with you.

I've never had a girlfriend.
There, I said it.

It feels good
to talk to someone finally.

All right, Laurie,

get ready to be doula'd.

Hi, Laurie.
How you feeling?

Oh, terrible.

I thought Andy being gone
was gonna speed things up.

Oh, dear.
Oh, God.

Oh, look,
Andy left his jacket.

Oh.

Ooh, what's that?

Oh, what is it?

Looks like it's a list
of ways to earn $10,000.

Oh, my God.

He's trying to earn back the money
he blew on those magic tricks.

(Both)
Aw!

And look at the last one that
he circled-- "Donate plasma."

You know, I did see him
signing some forms in the waiting room.

Looks like he's willing
to sell part of his body

to provide
for your unborn child.

(Both)
Aw!

Oh.

You think he's still
out there?

Oh, yeah. No, he's--he's there
sleeping in the waiting room.

He's just going,
"Laurie, Laurie."

I guess if he wanted to come
back in, I'd be okay with it.

Are you sure?

- Yeah.
- Brilliant.

Ooh, and listen,

probably don't mention
the plasma-scheme thing,

'cause you know how men are
with their pride...

about their plasma.

Okay.

It's here the baby?

Oh, no, not yet, no.
It's quite boring in there.

Not a whole lot to doula.
[Chuckles]

Laurie's deep in her iPad.

She's looking at magic schools
in northern California.

She's looking
at magic schools...

Because she's trying
to make it up to me.

She wants me back.

Gosh, now you say that,
that--

that does make sense,
doesn't it?

- I'm gonna go in there.
- Oh no, wait, Hold on, hold on.

Because she probably wants it
to be a surprise, doesn't she?

I mean, you don't want her
thinking you're only going

in there because now
you get to go to magic school.

That's good.

Doula'd!
Yes.

Hey, Clay, check out
my EDM equipment, man.

Naw. I'm good.

I thought it would be fun
if we made some beats,

you know,
lay down a few tracks.

Would you stop already?
Okay, I know what you're doing.

What do you mean?

Music is your baseball.

What?

Okay, the last guy
to like my mom was Mike, okay?

Mike heard that I liked to play baseball,
so he took me to see the Giants.

Before Mike was Hank, and he
saw me playing Mario Kart,

so he took me go-karting.

Before Hank was Jim, and Jim
misunderstood a joke I made

and took me to see
Man of La Mancha?

Point is, guys always pretend to
give a crap about what I like,

so they can hook up with my mom,
and then a few weeks later,

surprise, surprise, they don't
care about me anymore.

You're right.

Listen, me trying to bond
with you is about your mom,

but it's not because I'm trying
to hook up with her.

It's because I like her.
Like, I really, really like her.

Yeah, my mom's
pretty all right.

You are the most important
person in her life,

so I thought
it would make her happy

if we got to know each other.

That's all I want to do.
I just want to make her happy.

Yeah, um...

Yeah, I mean, I guess
we can try this out...

For my mom's sake.

[Upbeat electronic music]

You know, I bet Clay
wouldn't even like Will

if it wasn't
for his flashy booth.

The only thing bonding those two
is some fancy DJ equipment.

Walter, you wouldn't
happen to know

anything about hacking,
would you?

[Scoffs]

Look at me.
What do you think?

Is anybody watching us?

No. Okay, when you get in,
just cut the power.

Yeah, okay.
I've already gotten

into the school's
computer system--easy.

But the power grid
is password protected,

so I'm gonna have to use
a program

using a binary code system
so complex

that it tries
8 million passwords per second.

Isn't that amazing?

But, of course,
as you can imagine,

it could take minutes,
it could take hours.

I mean, who knows?

And at that point,
anyone could catch us.

Oh, my gosh.
I've never felt so alive.

Okay, maybe just try
the password "Michelle."

You know, that's
Principal Goldenrod's wife.

Yeah, I'll try it, but it's not
going to be that simple.

Sweet, we're in!

My life is
one big anticlimax.

[Music stops]

(All) Aw!
What?

All right.

Sorry, guys,
I think we're having

a little technical difficulty
here.

Give us a sec.

What happened?

So...
[Chuckles]

Bummer about the inexplicable
power outage, huh, guys?

Guess it's time
for you to return

to your existing
social circle

and just never think about the fun
you had here ever again.

Hey, um, Will, you know,

me and my mom are going
to get burgers after the fair,

and I was wondering
if maybe you wanted to come.

I mean, I guess that
wouldn't totally suck.

Cool, man.
I'd really like that.

Burgers?
Okay, you know what?

Music is one thing,
but a meat-related outing?

Have fun with your
new best friend, Clay.

It's an awesome ride,
but be warned.

As soon as someone shiny
and new comes along,

he'll leave you in the dust.

Marcus,
what is going on, man?

I-I-I'm sorry I didn't hang out
with you today, but--

Okay, you know what?
Just forget it, Will.

I think there's only one thing
left to say to you.

What is that?

I'm giving you the finger.

That's not the finger, buddy.

Feel the burn.

That's not it either.

Okay, I get it.
I get it.

I'm stupid at everything,

and Clay probably knows how
to give the finger correctly.

I do.

Yeah, that's it right there.

Will this nightmare
never end?

I-I got to go talk
to him.

Is he really
your best friend?

Yeah. Like I said,
it's kind of complicated.

- I'm so glad you're back.
- Me too, honey.

What can I get you?

You want a snack?
Do you want ice chips?

No, no, no. No, thanks.
How about you?

Are you light-headed at all?

No. Why would I be
light-headed, honey?

Yeah, why would he be
light-headed.

Oh, Andy, Fiona told me not
to say anything, but I have to.

No, I know, I know, I know,
and I just wanted to say

thank you so much
for enrolling me

in magic school.

Fiona told me, honey.

I didn't enroll you
in magic school.

We don't have any money.

Isn't that why
you're donating your plasma?

Honey, why would
I donate my plasma?

Because--
Fiona said--

Wait.
Fiona said--

- Well, the thing is--
- Oh, I know what the thing is.

You wanted a quick fix so that
we would get back together,

have the baby,
and then you could get

your stupid
doula certification.

Well, you know what?

You can't play
with people's lives

for your own
selfish needs, Fiona.

Well, I mean,
I do really, really want

my doula certificate.

I-I mean,
it was maybe a bit selfish,

but--but the other thing
that's going on here

is that you're too busy
fighting to realize

how incredibly lucky you are
to have each other.

Do you know where Marcus's dad
was when he was being born?

He was in Antarctica.

He wanted to stay there and watch
the birth of an albino penguin

rather than see the birth
of his own child.

I would have loved to have
someone who loved me by my side,

and the fact
that you're choosing

not to be with each other
is a bit of a slap in the face

for those of us that didn't
actually have a choice.

Honey.

She's right.

I know.

We're so lucky
to have each other.

We have each other.

We may drive each other crazy,
but we have each other.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

[Groaning loudly]

It's happening!
Doula!

Doula!

Let's remember--

- Help!
- It's coming!

Yes, it is.
Right, right, right.

Now!

Turn your "ow"
into "wow."

(Woman)
There you go.

(Both)
Waah!

You must ride the wave
of each contraction.

Be the birther/surfer.

What?

[Grunts]
Oh.

Hey, bud, I didn't know
you played basketball.

Been looking
everywhere for you.

You know, I'm a big fan
of the "stew and swish."

Yeah.

Not so great at the swish.

Well, keep working at it.

Look, you know, I'm sorry
about this whole Clay thing.

You know, I--we do so much
awesome stuff together,

I felt like it would be okay
just this once

if I did some cool stuff
with somebody else.

No, you know what?
It's fine. I understand.

Clay's just
a more natural fit for you.

I've never seen
the top of the backboard

down onto the rim.

[Grunts]
You know,

he's an awesome DJ.

He knows everything about S&M.

EDM.
E-D--

you see? He's just--
he's more your speed.

Look, Marcus, listen, buddy,
he's not replacing you, man.

He could never do that.

It's just--It's really important
to Liz that I get to know him.

Wait, this whole thing today,
it was--it was for Liz?

Yeah, of course.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

- There you are.
- Yeah.

Clay mentioned something
about you tagging along with us

for some burgers?

Yes, um,
here's the thing--

- He can't wait.
- I can't?

Nope, I promised
the computer virus guy

that I'd hang with him.

You know,
I was actually worried

Will would have nothing to do
this afternoon,

so thanks for taking him
off my hands.

Sure.

[Chuckles]
Look at that, I'm open.

All right, let's go get
some double-doubles.

- Yeah.
- Here you go, buddy.

I'll see you.
[Mouthing words]

[Upbeat music]

This game is impossible.

Can I hold her, Mom?

You have absolutely
no experience holding babies.

You know, I never thought I'd
say this, but let me have her.

Nope, you're never getting
your fat, sausage-y fingers

on this child.

What are you--I have nice hands.

They're manly yet delicate.

C-can I hold my baby?

No, this is really woman's work,
actually, Andy.

I pushed her out of my vagina.
Can I hold her?

I am the doula.

- Fiona, honestly--
- Mom, come on.

I pushed her out of my vagina,
so I should be able to hold her.

This is kidnapping.
I'm calling the cops.

- You're hogging her.
- Come on, Mom.

You got to cut the cord.
Let somebody else hold her.

This is kidnapping.
It's literally kidnapping.

[Dog barks]

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0