All language subtitles for King of the Hill s12e19 Strangeness on a Train.eng

Make a wish, darlin'.

Ugh, I have had nothing
but lousy birthdays.

But getting robbed last year
at Captain Bear's was the worst.

Worse than the flash flood
or the food poisoning

or the year you got hit
in the neck by a foul ball?

Yes.

Well, you've had some
rough ones, all right.

The only one who seems to enjoy
your birthday is Dale.

Well, this year,

I am finally gonna
have a birthday

that Dale cannot gloat about.

We are going
on a Murder Mystery Train.

That sounds great!

Aw, sorry, honey.
Kids aren't allowed.

[GRUMBLING]

Being a kid is not fair.

I'll bring you a place mat.

Here's what he'll be missing.

Huh.

"A Chubb Randolph Production.

It's a four-hour
round trip to Durndle,

dinner inclusive.

Actors will be enacting
a theme murder mystery,

and we get to solve it.

Theme?

Yes, the theme is "Studio 54

Death Gets on the
Guest List."

[HANK SIGHS]

Disco, huh.

You sure they didn't have a
"Murder at the Super Bowl" theme

or "Murder on a Bass Boat"?

It'll be fun, Hank.

Gotta get the funk, Hank!

On the dance floor!

That's right.

C'mon, rock the boat, Hank!

Do the bump-bump. Yeah!

[SIGHS]

Well, the whole idea

of a disco party
makes my skin crawl,

but it means a lot to Peggy.

And it does involve a train.

I guess I'll just focus on that.

Ooh, I've got a mesh
tank top I'm gonna wear!

I like the way
it mats my body hair.

Good call, Bill.

We'll all trot out
our disco finery

and wait for disaster to strike.

I bet that will happen

if the driver of the train
is the murder victim.

Unfortunately, no.

All trains have
a "Dead Man's Brake."

The driver has to keep his hand
on the throttle at all times.

If the driver gets murdered
and he takes his hand off,

the train will automatically
come to a screeching,

but safe, halt.

So, this year when we tell Peggy
happy birthday,

it won't sound sarcastic
and mean.

Not a chance.

Peggy's had some classic
stinkers before,

but this one could be a fiasco
of spectacular proportions.

It could literally
be a train wreck!

[PEGGY HUMMING]

I am glittered, glammed,
and ready to hustle!

[SIGHS]

Everything feels tight.

And European.

Every stitch in your clothes

was made by DuPont.

- Feel any better?
- A little.

Now, Bobby, we're trusting
you kids to stay right here

and keep out of trouble
until your mother and I

have successfully completed
her birthday.

Okay.

Well, there it is:
Studio 54.

I want to stand
behind a velvet rope!

I feel a little guilty

that I'm gonna be the one
solving the mystery.

Oh, really.

You sure about that, Lucky?

Yes, ma'am.

See, I've got
an unfair advantage.

Thanks to TV Land reruns,

I'm a bit of a student
of the NBC Mystery Wheel:

Columbo, McCloud,
McMillan & Wife,

and the under appreciated
prairie detective Hec Ramsey.

That was a good show.

I remember one where the murder
weapon was a Gila monster.

Lovely lady,

I'm Lawrence Robbins,

although tonight
I'll be playing Halston.

One of our actresses
didn't show.

How would you like
to be in the program?

All you have to do is
be blond and pretty.

[SQUEALS AND GIGGLES]

I can do both those things.

Follow me.

I'll tell you about your part.

[GIGGLES]

Wait.

This is the longest
we've ever been together

without our parents.

We've gotta do something

we could never do
if they were around.

We could pee in places
where pee isn't supposed to go.

- Uh...
- Uh.

I know, let's make
prank phone calls.

Mmm. Sounds too risky.

Everybody's got caller ID now.

What if we made a
secret clubhouse?

You mean with passwords
and secret knocks?

Cool!

Yeah, and we can use things

that aren't furniture
as furniture.

And things that aren't urinals
as urinals!

I'm in!

Hey, Peggy, happy birthday, man.

I want you to meet ol',
dang ol' Rhonda here, man.

She's hearing...
hearing-impaired,

but she communicates
with dang ol' language of love,

you know, um, hot, man.

PJ., Bob, I'm so glad
you could make it.

I thought you were gonna
both be "plus one."

We decided to leave the wives
at home tonight.

No chicks!

KAHN:
Hey, Hank Hill.

Remember the '70s?

My people ambushing
your people in the jungle.

- [LAUGHS]
- Look!

There's Jackie O.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

This is wonderful.

I'm Conductor Nolan.

I am a railway employee

and am in no way affiliated
with Chubb Randolph Productions.

I'm warning you now,

I am not going to put up
with any foolishness.

I am empowered to take all
necessary actions

to protect this train.

Done it before;
I'll do it again.

Fun within prescribed limits.

This is gonna work!

All aboard!

Aunt Peggy, Uncle Hank!

I'm playing a model
called Jerry Hall!

That is wonderful, honey.

Who is Roy Cohn?

Senator Joseph McCarthy's

pit bull lawyer.

A voracious man who took
no quarter in the courtroom

or the amyl nitrate-perfumed
lounges of Studio 54.

Why would he want to kill me,
I mean, Jerry Hall?

[GASPS]

No. Oh, no. No, Luanne, no.

Roy Cohn did it!
[ALL GROAN]

Aw, mystery blown!

Doggone it.

Let's go.

No, no, stay.
You could do improv!

No. Wait.

Please! Come back!

I was a fool to think
this would go well.

Well, it's not so bad.

Your friends are here.

We're gonna have a nice dinner.

I'm sorry, everyone.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, baby doll, it's all right.

We've all messed up and
given away the plot of something.

Take it from me.

"Fire" ain't the worst thing
you can yell in a theater.

It's "Bruce Willis is dead!"

I'm sorry, but there's,
um, been a problem, uh...

Spit it out!

The refrigeration went out

and the chicken and prime rib
were spoiled,

and your ice cream
birthday cake melted.

And there's no food!

[ALL GROAN]

We do have packets
of cheese and crackers.

Well, you can make
a pretty good meal

out of cheese and crackers.

Happy freakin' birthday to me.

What a cool place
for a secret clubhouse!

I hope there are old
textbooks up there

from when your parents
were in school.

I hope there are mannequins!

I'm not going first.

You gotta go, Bobby,

'cause if your deformed
twin brother's up there,

he should see your face first.

[SIGHS]
I guess you're right.

You know, I was thinking, sug'.

Maybe we could play a game.

You know, get a table cloth

and color some coasters
with lipstick

and play "Twister."

Yeah, yeah. A game.

Not Nancy's game,
but how 'bout this?

We'll pick a letter and whoever
calls out something they see

that begins with that letter,
gets a point.

Like say, if the letter was "A"

and you called out "I see an air
vent," then you'd get a point.

"A" is for alcohol.

That's the only thing
gonna save this party.

I demand a Tom Collins!

Sorry, sir.

Uh, we just entered
Rumpert County.

It's a dry county.

And, for election reasons,
it's long and horizontal,

so it's gonna take us about
an hour to get through it.

You'll have to wait 'till then
for an alcoholic beverage.

[ALL GROANING]

[SOBBING]

I guess this is kinda cool.

Isn't it?

There's nothing up here

except old exercise equipment.

This pink stuff is
making my butt itch.

Now it's making my hand itch.

Now it's making everything itch.

Here, feel it.

- Ew.
- Don't touch us.

Aunt Peggy and everybody,

I feel really, really terrible
about spoiling the mystery.

But then I remembered
I brought some friends along...

the Manger Babies!

No, dear God, no, not...

The Manger Babies!

Josea the Cat.

Meow meow.

Obadiah the Donkey.

[HEE-HAWING]

Gurgle Gurgle the Octopus.

Gurgle, gurgle.

And Sir Reginald

Featherbottom III.

Pleasure to meet you.
What, what.

Hey, guys,

there's an Andy Warhol wig
stuck in the back toilet.

I tried to get it out
with Elton John sunglasses,

but, you know,
they got stuck, too.

[SOBBING]

Oh, Peggy.

Ch, Hank!

I know you are trying so hard
to make it all right,

but it's just not.

My birthday is ruined.

Again.

I can't take this.

They just left.

There's no cheese.

And Hank, I want...
[MUMBLING]

PJ.:
? Ah... beep, beep ?

BOB:
? Toot, toot ?

? Ah... beep, beep ?

? Toot, toot ?

? Ah... beep, beep ?

BOB:
? Toot, toot ?

PJ.:
? Ah... beep, beep ?

BOB:
? Toot, toot ?

? Beep, beep ?

? Toot, toot ?

Did we just have, uh,
relations in a public place?

Unless this is all a very
weird dream, yes, we did.

How do you feel?

I feel... great.

Little does Dale know this
is the best birthday ever.

Huh?

Oh... happy feet.

Guess what?

We have our mystery.

Oh, thank God.

Somebody did the nasty
on this train

and we're gonna find out who.

There is no need
to panic yet, Hank.

[SIGHING] It'll be a disaster
if we get caught, Peggy.

We're on a train.

That means we are
at this very moment

under the jurisdiction of
the Texas Railroad Commission.

Yes, so?

The railroad commission
also regulates propane.

If what we did in that
bathroom becomes public,

Strickland Propane
could receive sanctions,

maybe even
the propane death penalty.

Isn't this delicious?

I wonder who was naughty.

Lucky is on the case.

Now, that's usually what I say
when I drink beer,

but this time
it refers to this mystery.

I would not rule out
sex-crazed hobos.

I wouldn't put it past a hobo.

You are not helping, Hank.

Attention, everyone.

I am Kahn Souphanousinphone.

Upon entering the lavatory,

I observed two sets
of footprints,

one set pointing up
and the other down --

evidence of love most foul.

I discovered the deplorable act.

I will find the perpetrators.

I will begin my questioning
with you, Dale Gribble.

Has your wife been
out of your sight

for even five minutes?

No, she's been clingy all night.

I can verify that Nancy has not
been out of Dale's sight at all.

I don't have an alibi.

You're Bill Dauterive.

That your alibi -- airtight.

[CLEARS THROAT]

What are you people up to?

Oh, we just playing charades.

You can stay and play
if you want.

The category is "Book."

Something went on here
and when I find out what it was,

I'm gonna exercise my authority.

My full authority.

His full authority, Peggy.

Okay, back to business.

Lucky Kleinschmidt.

It was you and Luanne,
wasn't it?

You trying to get in as
much hanky-panky as you can

before she has her baby.

Not that there's anything
wrong with your premise,

but no, it wasn't us.

We haven't done it in public

since Lucky almost
fell off a Ferris wheel.

Kahn's going to get to us soon.

Oh, God, we need an alibi.

Okay, you lost
a contact lens in the food car

a-and I helped you find it.

Because your glasses
are non-prescription.

With all due respect, inspector,

them footprints
are still on the mirrors

and that's where the great
Quincy would look first.

Hey, you right, Scarecrow.

Okay, everybody going
to stick their tootsies

up to the mirror and
we going to compare.

That's how we identify
the fornicators.

My feet are smoking guns.

Well, maybe Boomhauer's date
has big feet, too.

Hank, God would not
make a girl deaf

and give her size 16 feet.

We are sunk.

[ANIMALS CHITTERING]

I never knew
meerkats were such jerks.

What are we doing?

We said we were going
to make a secret clubhouse

and that's
what we're going to do.

Hey, wait, my dad says

you've got a trapdoor
in your parents' closet.

He's been there lots of times.

[SQUEALING EXCITEDLY]
The crawlspace.

Come on, guys.
We're going down.

John Redcorn, you first.

This like dirty Cinderella.

Okay, Redcorn, you off the hook.

Next.

We've got to do something.

Create a diversion

and I'll find a way
to destroy the evidence.

The brake, that's it,
the Dead Man's Brake.

Peggy Hill, you're up.

Oh, yeah, you're right, I am up.

Unless P.J. or Bob
or the waitress

want to go next.

After you, dearie.

No, after you.

I meant Peggy.

Keep it moving. Keep it moving.

[BRAKES SCREECHING]

What the hell happened?

Some nut scared
the tar out of me

and the train thought
I was dead.

It was him.

That disco bastard.

Aw, evidence gone.

Now we'll never know.

First, you people try
to wreck my train.

Now you're having an orgy?

Everybody off my train now.

But you can't do that.

Off now!

By the looks of all the
abandoned farm machinery,

we're stranded in Outer Durndle.

It looks very tetanus-y.

[COYOTE HOWLS]

This is Peggy's
worst birthday ever.

I should feel on top
of the world, yet I'm not.

I feel strangely hollow inside.

Peggy, wait!

Peggy...

Peggy.

[SOBBING] I just wanted
one nice birthday,

but no, I can't even have one.

Well, I finally get the message.

My birth is nothing
to celebrate.

Well, it--it is to me.

Me, too. Me, too, Aunt Peggy.

- And me!
- You are special, sug'.

And today is a special day.

Oh, yeah?

Then why does it always stink?

[SOBBING]

This not working.

Maybe that the ticket.

Alcohol.

It's a neon sign from God.

My body wants a toddy.

To the hooch.

Well, Peggy?

Why not?

Who wants a soda?

- Me.
- Me.

This is awesome..

Disco's back.

I knew it.

Well, all right.

Y'all stay right there.

I'm gonna go get
my Technics turntable

and my 12-inch dance mixes.

Miss Gloria Gaynor coming up.

? I'll survive,
I will survive ?

? Hey, hey ?

You really enjoyed yourself
this evening.

Didn't you, Aunt Peggy?

[GASPS]

You know?

Good for you.

Happy birthday, Aunt Peggy.

? I will survive ?

? Oh, as long as I know
How to love ?

? I know I'll be alive ?

? I've got all my life to live ?

? I've got all my love to give ?

? I'll survive ?

? I will survive ?

HANK:
A Chubb Randolph production.

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