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MAN (on TV):
Friend, you too can be rich like Dr. Money
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00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:38,171
and have champagne for breakfast
and caviar for your cats.
3
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,973
How much return do you want
for your investment?
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00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,508
(loud crash)
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00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:42,609
(mumbles)
6
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:43,777
200%?
7
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,078
Okay, Mr. Hard Bargain, 400%!
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00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:46,613
(gasps)
9
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:51,417
And all by just walking out
to your mailbox.
10
00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,887
Of course,
walking to mailbox not so easy
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00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,690
when your mansion's this big!
12
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,828
That could have been me
under there.
13
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,697
I could have died last night.
14
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,931
A bed, huh?
15
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,967
I always pictured you
sleeping in a pile
16
00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:09,302
of shredded newspaper
like a hamster.
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00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:13,874
Boy, facing your own mortality
really makes you think.
18
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,376
Feels like someone's trying
to tell me something.
19
00:01:16,442 --> 00:01:18,512
Yeah, that was me six months ago
20
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,414
when I said you needed
to get your roof inspected.
21
00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:22,448
No, Hank.
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00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,384
My roof caving in happened
for a reason.
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00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:27,453
It wasn't to kill me,
it was to wake me up.
24
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:31,224
I've been spared for some
greater purpose, but what?
25
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:32,325
Why am I here?
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00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,594
Tell you
what, man,
27
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,195
talkin' 'bout ol'
meaning of life, man.
28
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,030
Go read that ol'
Hitchhiker's Guide, man.
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00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,566
Talk-Talkin' 'bout
ol' four-- 42, man.
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00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:43,169
Look, Bill, you're just shaken
up 'cause you lost a good roof.
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00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:45,872
All you need is
a home maintenance organizer.
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00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,207
I'll make you a binder.
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00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:49,543
Thanks,
but what I need is meaning,
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00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,277
and there's no binder for that.
35
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:54,014
Look, Bill,
I'm on your deathbed.
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00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,683
Now I'm bouncing
on your deathbed.
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00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,422
Maybe Bill's purpose
in life should be
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00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:03,990
to proofread
the bulletin.
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00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:07,561
Apparently spell-
check is a sin.
40
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,361
Hey, Hank.
41
00:02:08,428 --> 00:02:09,763
Can you scooch over?
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00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:10,931
Come on, Bill.
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00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,866
It's kind of tight
in here already.
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00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,234
I can't focus on God
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00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,603
if I'm afraid we're going
to touch knees.
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00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:17,403
Please.
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00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,872
I promise I won't spread.
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00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,874
(sighs)
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00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:23,544
REVEREND STROUP:
Good morning.
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00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:26,279
Before we begin,
I'd like to share some thoughts
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00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,515
about last week's
church breakfast.
52
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,784
Normally I don't take it
personally
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00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,352
when people don't participate,
54
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:35,121
but when you're sitting alone
with 300 pancakes,
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00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:37,390
you can't help
but take stock.
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00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:40,927
Anyway, after a glass of Merlot
and a good cry, I realized,
57
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,596
"Hey, I'm not a quitter."
58
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:46,066
So I've come up with some
fantastic new activities
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00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:48,168
and they're listed
in your bulletins.
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00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,372
Hey, there's something
every night of the week,
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00:02:52,438 --> 00:02:54,474
sometimes two things.
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00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:57,678
Something's happening to me,
Hank, something wonderful.
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00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,345
Uh, okay.
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00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:01,381
I think I've found my purpose.
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00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:03,183
It's here in the church
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00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,085
Reverend Stroup needs people
to get involved
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00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:06,452
and that's
what I'm going to do.
68
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,088
Well, good for you, Bill.
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00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:09,890
Uh, I know you're excited,
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00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:13,694
but I'm going to need at least
a hymnal's width between us.
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00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,762
Sorry.
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00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,365
REVEREND STROUP:
Everyone,
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00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:23,570
we have a new addition to our
Bible study: Bill Dauterive.
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00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,772
We're happy to have
you with us, Bill.
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00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,641
I'm happy to be here.
76
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,176
God told me
to come here tonight.
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00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:31,377
No, no, no,
78
00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:32,579
not in a crazy way.
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00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,515
It was purely inspirational.
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00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:37,250
Okay, does anyone here
have any thoughts
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00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,119
about this week's reading?
82
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:40,320
Yeah, I-I still
don't understand
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00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:41,622
how Abraham could wait
a hundred years
84
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,189
before God gave him
a son.
85
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:44,691
I've been waiting four years
for a promotion
86
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,259
and my head's
about to explode.
87
00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:48,328
Oh, good, we're talking
about your job again.
88
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,596
Well, it's better
than talking
89
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,998
about your tomato plants
for the 15th time.
90
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,233
I think the story's
91
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,535
about patience.
92
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,537
Being patient is hard,
but if you're waiting
93
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,905
for something really great,
it's worth it.
94
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,543
Thank you, Bill.
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00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,845
I couldn't have said
it better myself.
96
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,483
Huh.
97
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:11,652
Hmm.
98
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:12,686
Really.
99
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:13,687
Wow.
100
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,221
Bill, I'm tired
of holding your beer.
101
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,390
This hand isn't used
to being cold.
102
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:20,861
Sorry, just brushing up on
my First and Second Timothy.
103
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,329
So I guess you found
what you were looking for
104
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:24,665
there at the
church, huh?
105
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,300
You know, purpose
and whatnot?
106
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,535
Oh, it's great.
107
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,436
I've got Bible study
three nights a week,
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00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,739
"Apostles and Donuts"
on Tuesday mornings,
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00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,575
and this Sunday
I'm starting a class
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00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,610
about the biblical truths
in Narnia.
111
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,780
Wow, Bill,
that is a lot of God.
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00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:40,647
I know.
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00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,248
I think I've found my calling.
114
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:46,019
I can't wait to teach the Bible
to people all over the world.
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00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,621
Uh, the world?
116
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:48,722
Oh, sure.
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00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,057
The church organizes
mission trips all over.
118
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,859
Haiti, Romania, Nigeria.
119
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,661
Then, maybe I'll spend
a couple of years
120
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,931
in a Methodist monastery
to really hone my skills.
121
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,033
And Bill's
off the rails.
122
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,502
Now hang on, Bill.
123
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:04,638
You can't go jumping in
headfirst like you usually do.
124
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:08,174
Before you become a minister
and run off to Africa,
125
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,342
maybe you should
try to find
126
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:11,211
what you're looking
for right here.
127
00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:13,714
Okay, but really,
it's not up to me,
128
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,883
so don't get mad
if you're overruled by God.
129
00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:24,090
Morning.
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00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,626
Beautiful Sunday,
isn't it?
131
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:28,094
Nice Bible, Mr. Dauterive.
132
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,095
Thanks.
133
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,731
It's waterproof, tear-proof.
134
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,967
The guy at the store said it
could survive the Apocalypse.
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00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,102
I guess you needed
something more durable
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00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,771
for those mission
trips, huh?
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00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,472
Oh, no, those
are off, Hank.
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00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,941
I'm not going anywhere.
139
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:41,942
Really?
140
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:42,943
Thank God.
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00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,978
I had a long talk
with Reverend Stroup
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00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,747
and decided you were right.
143
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,915
My purpose is
right here in Arlen.
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00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,317
Everything I need
is in this church,
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00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:54,721
all wrapped up
with a green satin stole.
146
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:57,290
Well, that's a weird
way to put it,
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00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,359
but I'm glad you
came to your senses.
148
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:02,195
Uh... do you want
me to scoot over?
149
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,429
No, thanks.
I'm gonna grab
150
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,965
a seat closer
to the front.
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00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,535
Good morning.
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00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,870
Our Old Testament reading
153
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:13,139
can be found on page 451
of your pew Bibles.
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00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,675
Let us hear the Word.
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00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:18,278
"Let him kiss me
with the kisses of his mouth,
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00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:21,181
for your love is better
than the wine."
157
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:23,183
Uh, what is this?
158
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:24,885
Song of Solomon.
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00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:28,088
Isn't it a little
PG-13 for church?
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00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:29,690
Shh!
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00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:35,295
"You have ravished my heart
with one look of your eyes..."
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00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:39,165
"I am my beloved's,
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00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,935
and his desire is toward me..."
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00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,743
No!
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00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,381
Uh, I, uh...
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00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:58,451
Sorry, I dropped
my Bible here.
167
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,962
Bill, open up.
168
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,798
Bill, I know what's
going on here.
169
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:15,569
You and Reverend Stroup are...
involved.
170
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,337
That's crazy, Hank.
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00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:18,872
I don't know what you're
talking about.
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00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,174
Pfff, crazy.
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00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,643
Come on, Bill.
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00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:26,780
You can come out.
He knows.
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00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:34,087
REVEREND STROUP:
Relax, Hank.
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00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,488
I won't bite.
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00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:38,592
Unless you want her to.
(chuckles)
178
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,127
Sorry. Poorly timed joke,
completely inappropriate,
179
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,663
don't even know if it's true.
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00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,400
Hank, it's okay-- ministers
are allowed to date.
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00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,970
I'm not just a person of God.
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00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,371
I'm a woman, too.
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00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:54,440
Uh, I wouldn't know
anything about that.
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00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,276
Still, I've found
that congregations
185
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,511
can be less than accepting
186
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,245
when it comes to this
type of situation.
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00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,914
Why do you think
I left St. Paul?
188
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,050
So if you wouldn't mind, can we
keep this just between us?
189
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,054
(sighs)
190
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,389
All right.
191
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,625
Thank you, thank you,
thank you!
192
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,359
I gotta go mow
193
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,796
or water or something.
194
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,866
I like that song, too.
She sings like an angel.
195
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,268
Who could Bill be talking to?
196
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,804
We're all right here.
197
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:27,007
Uh, it's probably just work.
198
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,642
(giggling)
199
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,176
Sorry, fellas.
200
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:33,514
That's okay.
We were just, uh... (phone ringing)
201
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,115
Hello.
202
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,983
Hi...
203
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,219
uh, General.
204
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,387
Sorry, I have to take this.
205
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,857
(sighs)
206
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:47,528
Oh, Drake.
207
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,162
(knock at door)
208
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,297
BILL:
Hank.
209
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,668
Hi, everybody!
210
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,169
Hank, we need to talk.
211
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,604
BOBBY:
Hey, Mr. Dauterive,
212
00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,674
I think Joseph and I saw you
out at Lake Arlen today
213
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:01,975
when we were riding bikes.
214
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,645
Uh, I'm sure it, was
someone else.
215
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:08,214
Mr. Dauterive has a
very common shape.
216
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,950
It sure looked like him.
217
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,952
He was in his car
with some woman.
218
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:14,187
She was a prostitute!
Bill!
219
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:17,123
(nervous laughter)
Just kidding. Wasn't me.
220
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,792
Bill, outside.
221
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:23,997
What do you want, Bill?
222
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,033
Well, as a thank you
for covering for my,
223
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,670
you know, steamy
secret relationship,
224
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,404
I wanted to take you
out to dinner.
225
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,274
Uh, that's really
not necessary.
226
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:35,475
We'll go for steak.
227
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:38,812
Good steak...
Hmm.
228
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,282
Prime steak...
Hmm...
229
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:45,586
Hank, don't be mad.
230
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:46,720
Don't talk to me.
231
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,154
I had to trick you.
232
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,156
You wouldn't have come if
I'd told you Karen and I
233
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:53,359
wanted a romantic evening out,
and we needed you for cover.
234
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:57,898
It's so naughty being out
in public, isn't it?
235
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,200
No one in this restaurant
knows we're an item.
236
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,368
The secret drives me wild.
237
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,770
How wild?
238
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,305
That's my foot.
239
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:06,573
Sorry.
Sorry.
240
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,241
Hey, there's one of
those gypsy ladies
241
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,376
selling roses and Tic-Tacs.
242
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,145
I'm gonna buy
you one of each.
243
00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:16,517
Hank, I was thinking
about taking Bill
244
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,019
to this cute B&B outside
McMaynerbury.
245
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:20,654
Can you sneak away
for an overnight?
246
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,188
What? No!
247
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,525
Reverend Stroup, I can't
do this anymore.
248
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,459
I don't want to "sneak away,"
249
00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:28,529
I don't want to keep
lying to everyone.
250
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:29,663
And you shouldn't either.
251
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,264
But I don't have a choice.
252
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,534
If Bill and I want our
relationship to work,
253
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,901
we have to keep it a secret,
254
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,671
or boom, it's St. Paul
all over again.
255
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,439
Well, it seems to me
256
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,676
the things you have to
keep secret are things you shouldn't be doing.
257
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:47,413
You're right, Hank.
It is wrong.
258
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,715
I'll talk to Bill tonight.
259
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,386
Sorry, Hank.
260
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:57,090
Would've looked weird if I
didn't buy one for you, too.
261
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,963
Bobby, what are you doing?
You can't take those.
262
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:07,233
But these baby envelopes are
perfect for all my little stuff.
263
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,103
Well, you shouldn't have
any "little stuff."
264
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,105
Now put them back.
265
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,774
REVEREND STROUP:
Welcome, everyone.
266
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,043
Before we begin this morning,
I have an announcement.
267
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,745
I hope it's the canned
food drive.
268
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:21,247
I can finally unload
all that pumpkin pie filling.
269
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,050
I've been keeping a secret
from all of you,
270
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,687
and it's time I come clean.
271
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:27,988
(murmuring)
272
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:30,490
I've been dating someone,
273
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,193
and he's right here
in this room.
274
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,494
Oh, no.
275
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:35,495
Bill?
276
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,798
Peace be with you.
277
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,866
Oh, my God.
278
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,468
Hank,
what's happening?
279
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:49,042
This is a disaster of
biblical proportions.
280
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:52,378
Now Stroup's gonna shirk
all her spiritual duties.
281
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,880
I'm sure
she won't, Dale.
282
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,750
Aah, you know how women
get when they're in love.
283
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:59,452
It's all kissy-face
this, huggy-pie that.
284
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,589
Meanwhile, who's making
sure I get into Heaven?
285
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:04,457
No one.
286
00:12:04,525 --> 00:12:06,126
Hi, everybody.
287
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,629
Afternoon, Bill,
Reverend Stroup.
288
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:11,164
Aw, Hank, please,
call me Karen.
289
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,499
Yeah, I'm, I'm not
gonna do that.
290
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,703
Relax, fellas.
291
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:19,840
You don't have to be
nervous around me.
292
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,843
Dale, why don't you pass me
one of those bad boys.
293
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:40,393
Uh, I hear my dang ol'
phone ringing, man.
294
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,095
See you guys later, man.
295
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:48,769
Sweetie, you've got some
beer foam on your lip.
296
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:50,336
(giggles)
297
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,674
Oops, I forgot how
ticklish you are.
298
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,676
Oop, I forgot again!
299
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,410
You are so cute.
300
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,281
My back tire looks low.
301
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,949
Yep, low.
302
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:06,820
Uh, hey, Padre,
salvation over here!
303
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,956
(groans)
304
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:13,527
I can't wait to share
a popcorn with you.
305
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:21,234
That's the third time
tonight I've caught people staring at us.
306
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,136
Oh, they're just
jealous of our love.
307
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,171
People will have
to get used to it.
308
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,775
Well, hello, you two.
309
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,077
Bill, this is Justin
and Sue from church.
310
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,346
What a surprise
to see you...
311
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,581
and you.
312
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:35,882
It's date night.
313
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:37,584
We're seeing that
new horror movie.
314
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:40,887
I love to get scared so I
can hold on to my man.
315
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:44,725
(gunshots on-screen)
316
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:46,727
(woman screams)
317
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:48,428
(bestial growl)
318
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,498
Thanks for asking me to join
the building committee.
319
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:56,069
Actually, Hank, we got you here
under false pretenses.
320
00:13:56,136 --> 00:14:00,406
This is about Reverend Stroup
and her... relationship.
321
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,407
Dang it.
322
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,976
How do we put this, uh...
323
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,178
the two of them together--
well, it's...
324
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,212
It's gross.
325
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:09,783
Look, we're not saying
they can't date...
326
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,117
I'm saying that!
327
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,019
Okay, we wish we could say that,
but we're not.
328
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,221
Can you just get them
to tone it down a bit?
329
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,658
(sighs)
330
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:18,992
What do you mean?
331
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,261
People have a problem with
Karen and me dating?
332
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:24,330
Everyone's just having
a hard time getting used to it.
333
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,300
Especially with the way
you guys are carrying on.
334
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,269
I can't control
how I feel, Hank.
335
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,504
We're in love.
336
00:14:30,571 --> 00:14:32,639
If I want to kiss
my woman on the street corner,
337
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:33,640
then I'm gonna do it!
338
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,341
Now, now calm down, Bill.
339
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,511
No one's saying
you two can't date.
340
00:14:37,578 --> 00:14:38,645
What's going on?
341
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:39,813
Who's saying
we can't date?
342
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,081
Everybody!
343
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,083
Your deacon sent Hank
here to break us up!
344
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:45,051
It's... it's ricoculous!
345
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,319
That's not true.
346
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,488
No one wants to break anyone up.
347
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,723
This is wrong, Bill.
348
00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:51,592
They can't tear
us apart.
349
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,660
I know, baby.
Come here.
350
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,963
Well, I hope
you're happy, Hank.
351
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,364
You've got my Karen
so riled up,
352
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,066
she's down
at the church talking
353
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,235
to your love-hating
deacon buddies right now.
354
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,337
They don't hate
love, Bill.
355
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,073
They just hate your love.
356
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,975
Sweetheart, are you okay?
357
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,443
What did they deacon say?
358
00:15:10,511 --> 00:15:11,845
They said
they were uncomfortable
359
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,614
with our relationship.
360
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,450
So what are they gonna do to
you-- stockade, public lashing?
361
00:15:17,518 --> 00:15:18,719
It's already done.
362
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:22,623
I'm no longer
the reverend of Arlen Methodist.
363
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,258
This is unacceptable!
364
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,027
They can't fire you
for love.
365
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,562
That's discrimination.
366
00:15:28,629 --> 00:15:29,963
They didn't
fire me, Bill.
367
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,364
I quit.
368
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,000
We're gonna fight this.
We're gonna... Wait. What?
369
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,502
I wasn't gonna stand there
370
00:15:35,569 --> 00:15:38,038
while they suggested what
we were doing is wrong.
371
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,140
So I turned in my robe.
372
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:43,810
So, our love
is no longer forbidden?
373
00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:46,246
That's right.
Isn't it wonderful?
374
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:47,981
I'm gonna go
start packing,
375
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,583
so I can move in
tonight.
376
00:15:49,650 --> 00:15:51,918
Move in? Move in?
377
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,119
This is so sudden.
378
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,420
I have to, Bill.
379
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,823
I can't live at the church
parsonage anymore.
380
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:59,660
I'll see you soon.
381
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,130
Huh.
382
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:09,335
Wow, Stroup chose you
over God.
383
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,171
Huh.
384
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:19,012
(sighs)
385
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,446
Well, this is
the last of it.
386
00:16:20,514 --> 00:16:22,983
Can't get rid of me now.
(chuckles)
387
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,786
(chuckles)
388
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,153
This is nice,
389
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:30,924
just you and me
living a quiet, normal life.
390
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,226
Yeah, not having
to sneak around
391
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:38,131
or worry what people
think is much more relaxing.
392
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,500
Almost boring, in fact.
393
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:45,539
That shelf would
be perfect for my snow babies!
394
00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:47,473
Snow babies?
395
00:16:47,541 --> 00:16:49,876
DALE:
Can someone roll me another beer?
396
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:51,678
Get it yourself, Dale.
397
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:53,013
No way.
398
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:55,348
Stroup's ex is bound
to take vengeance on Bill,
399
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,150
and I don't want
to be collateral damage
400
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,685
from one of His
lightning bolts.
401
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:00,286
I don't want her
in my house!
402
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,087
What?
403
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,189
I thought I wanted her,
404
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,058
but that was when
our relationship
405
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,961
was exciting and taboo,
like Romeo and Juliet.
406
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,396
Now we're just a
normal, boring couple,
407
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,933
and Juliet put all these
weird little snow babies
408
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,500
all over my house!
409
00:17:14,568 --> 00:17:16,637
Look, you can't be so quick
to break it off.
410
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:17,971
She gave up a lot for you.
411
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,439
Don't you think
I know that?
412
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:22,108
I thought this was all
part of God's plan.
413
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,878
But if it is, then
why am I so miserable?
414
00:17:24,945 --> 00:17:26,179
DALE:
Someone's got to be.
415
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,248
Maybe God was tired of her, too,
416
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:31,084
and his plan was to dump her
on your doorstep.
417
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,987
Please take her back!
Wait--
418
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,289
I-I don't mean "kill her"
take her back.
419
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,659
Oh, God, what am I gonna do?
420
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,893
I can't break up with her.
421
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,261
Tell you what, man,
422
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,096
talking about get her to
break up with you, man.
423
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,330
That's how you
do it, man.
424
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,399
Brilliant, Boomhauer!
425
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,735
Act like an ass,
she dumps you,
426
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:49,936
you're off the hook.
427
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:52,372
Why has no one ever
tried that before?
428
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,808
You can't do that, Bill.
429
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,343
I like being
off the hook.
430
00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,881
I'm gonna do
Boomhauer's idea.
431
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,148
(sighs)
432
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,957
Honey, you barely
touched your dinner.
433
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,826
Don't you like
your mashed potatoes?
434
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,362
(curtly):
I've had better.
435
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,932
I guess they are a little dry.
436
00:18:18,999 --> 00:18:20,834
Maybe they sat out too long.
437
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,303
What are you trying to say,
that I was late for dinner?
438
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:24,538
No! I just didn't know
439
00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:26,306
when you were coming in
from the alley.
440
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:29,142
So, now I'm spending too much
time with my friends.
441
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,644
Bill, what are you
talking about?
442
00:18:30,711 --> 00:18:31,845
You can't change me!
443
00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:34,380
If I want to hang out
in the alley and drink beer
444
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,918
and talk about the devil,
then I'm gonna do it!
445
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,252
If you don't like it,
446
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,320
then you can break up with me.
447
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:41,454
You want to break up with me?
448
00:18:41,522 --> 00:18:43,489
I don't want to break up
with you.
449
00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:45,058
I love you.
450
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,227
I know.
451
00:18:50,664 --> 00:18:55,509
Mom, why is
Mr. Dauterive sitting out there in the dark?
452
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,806
Hank, Bill's on
the patio again!
453
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:01,274
HANK:
I'm on it.
454
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:04,545
What's going on, Bill?
455
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,079
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
456
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:10,150
I tried what Boomhauer said,
but she still won't leave me.
457
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:12,352
I guess we're getting married.
458
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,521
Bill, this is ridiculous.
459
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,156
You can't spend the rest
of your life
460
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,792
with someone just because you're
afraid to be honest with them.
461
00:19:18,859 --> 00:19:20,627
But honesty's hard.
462
00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:23,163
I know,
but it's the right thing to do.
463
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,500
There you are,
sweetie.
464
00:19:27,568 --> 00:19:29,770
I thought you went
to get us ice cream.
465
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:35,909
No, Karen, the
ice cream was a lie.
466
00:19:35,976 --> 00:19:37,744
Sit down.
We need to talk.
467
00:19:37,811 --> 00:19:40,413
Now? Oh, God.
468
00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:45,519
What's going on
out there, Dad?
469
00:19:45,586 --> 00:19:47,187
Mr. Dauterive
and Reverend Stroup
470
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:50,356
are breaking up on my patio.
471
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,526
Really?
Bobby, dry slower.
472
00:19:52,593 --> 00:19:54,728
Peggy, we can't watch this.
473
00:19:54,795 --> 00:19:56,296
Hank, we have to.
474
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,031
When good people
fail to watch,
475
00:19:58,098 --> 00:20:01,134
bad things happen.
476
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:02,736
Huh, I pegged her
for a cryer,
477
00:20:02,803 --> 00:20:03,737
not a screamer.
478
00:20:03,804 --> 00:20:05,471
Should I be seeing this?
479
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:08,108
I feel like I'm growing up
too fast.
480
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:10,143
Dang it, don't stomp
on the grass!
481
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,845
I just reseeded
that section.
482
00:20:11,912 --> 00:20:13,146
Wait, she's...
483
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:14,147
Whoa!
Whoa!
484
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,816
I think she saw us.
Duck!
485
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:24,424
Our New Testament lesson
is from the book of Matthew. Let us hear the Word.
486
00:20:25,726 --> 00:20:27,628
"And seeing
the multitudes...
487
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:31,131
So when's Reverend Stroup
going to give sermons again?
488
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,766
That temp guy
goes on too long.
489
00:20:32,833 --> 00:20:33,934
I don't know.
490
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,670
I think she's gonna be
on probation for a while.
491
00:20:36,737 --> 00:20:38,271
You know, I can't help
but think
492
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,106
that this is partly my fault.
493
00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:43,143
Uh, it's kind of all your fault,
Bill.
494
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:45,445
Yeah, I guess you're right.
495
00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:49,115
You know, Hank,
I think I finally figured out
496
00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:50,350
what God's plan
is for me.
497
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,152
Really? What's that?
498
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:54,420
You know how you told me
to fix my roof,
499
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,923
and then you told me
not to secret date our minister,
500
00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:58,324
and then after I did that
501
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,226
I should break up
with her like a man?
502
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,261
Yeah?
503
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:03,096
Well, I think God's plan for me
504
00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:04,965
is to always listen to you.
505
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:06,700
Well, I don't know about that,
506
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:10,436
but it has been 3,000 miles
since your last oil change.
507
00:21:10,504 --> 00:21:12,105
Don't forget to take
your car in.
508
00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:14,274
Thanks, Hank.
509
00:21:14,324 --> 00:21:18,874
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