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1
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,568
Shh, here she comes.
2
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,309
ALL:
Surprise!
3
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,979
HANK:
Heh-heh.
4
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,281
Eh, we get her
every year.
5
00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:54,020
This is the one day a year
6
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:56,156
my Dad disappoints me.
7
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,625
Feeling a little left
out, are ya, Bobby?
8
00:00:58,692 --> 00:00:59,960
Well, you shouldn't.
9
00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:02,428
I got something in the truck
just for you.
10
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,168
You like your birthday bone,
don't you, girl?
11
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,870
BOBBY:
Look, everybody!
12
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:13,139
( humming )
13
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:15,341
What the hell is that?
14
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,778
It's my new pet, Josh!
15
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,412
Lucky gave it to me.
16
00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:21,882
He's gonna be such
a great father.
17
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,650
Get that snake off
you this instant!
18
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,118
I will not sit by
19
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:27,420
and watch you be strangled
in my very own home!
20
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,990
Lucky, you're taking
that dang thing back.
21
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:31,157
I don't know, Hank.
22
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:32,926
Snakes make
pretty cool pets.
23
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:36,096
They don't have legs, so they
can't run away from you.
24
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,831
And no matter
how hard you cuddle it,
25
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,199
you can't break it.
26
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:41,935
No! Snakes are
awful pets.
27
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:44,337
It's like a
breathing stick
28
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:47,373
staring at you all weird.
Now put it down.
29
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,442
Okay.
30
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,945
( shrieking ):
It's coming to kill me!
31
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,480
It knows I'm a Christian!
32
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,183
( hissing )
33
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,484
( shuddering )
34
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,187
Whoa, I ain't never
seen it do that before.
35
00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:02,823
It's agitated.
36
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:10,296
Somebody go get Dale.
37
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,333
If I leave,
38
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:15,869
you guys will let me
back in, right?
39
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,271
( whimpers )
40
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,342
People should
just have dogs.
41
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:36,422
Well, Dale,
what do you think?
42
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,191
You think you might
want to grab it?
43
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,360
This is going to
take time, Hank.
44
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,028
I'm trying to break
its spirit,
45
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,964
but it's an Alpha
snake whilst I am
46
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:46,399
clearly a Beta snake.
47
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,669
( all gasping )
48
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:52,105
Clever opening gambit.
49
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,940
Game on.
50
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,479
Ha!
51
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,583
Welp, it's in the
toilet. Too late.
52
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,551
No, it's not.
Quick, grab it.
53
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:07,087
Sorry, Hank.
I'm a private contractor.
54
00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:08,922
This is now a public matter.
55
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,123
Once that snake's head
56
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,925
crosses the rim threshold
57
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,694
it's the county's
problem.
58
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,296
County's problem?
59
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,831
Come on. Do something.
60
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:21,334
Not to worry, the County Animal
Control guys are the best.
61
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,537
I have personally seen
Tommy and Rollo
62
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,471
kill a gopher with a pigeon.
63
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,209
HANK:
The species
64
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:32,613
is a Burmese python,
around six feet long.
65
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:36,182
It escaped down
the toilet at 11:46.
66
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,918
So what do you want us
to do about it?
67
00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:39,920
Uh, I'd like you to catch it.
68
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:42,723
( sighing )
69
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:47,360
Little League field's clean.
70
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:52,265
They don't pay us
enough for this.
71
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,968
And this yahoo wants us
to catch his pet snake.
72
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,369
It's not my pet,
73
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:57,804
but it is your job.
74
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,340
Yeah, well we don't get
paid the kind of money
75
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:03,209
the cops and firemen do.
Not even close.
76
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:05,478
But when City Hall's
run over by possums
77
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,914
they don't make 'em
disappear; we do.
78
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,315
Yeah, you think it's just magic.
79
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:10,817
Well, it's the kind
of magic you do
80
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:13,319
with a ball peen hammer
in a deserted place.
81
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,355
This is the magic
I believe in.
82
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:18,525
I pay my taxes and
you find that snake.
83
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,527
People hate them
and if they find out
84
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,963
that a six-foot one
is loose in the sewer,
85
00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:24,264
it could cause a panic.
86
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,432
Panic? Hmm.
87
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,234
Maybe this could cause a panic.
88
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:29,703
Mr. Hill,
89
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,372
I am putting this matter
to the top of our agenda.
90
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,508
Here's a form that
will expedite things.
91
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,977
Ah, finally.
Paperwork.
92
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,779
Now we're getting
somewhere.
93
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:42,549
That guy's serious.
94
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,117
We might have
to do something.
95
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,652
We are going
to do something:
96
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,320
nothing.
97
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:49,956
The longer that snake
is out there,
98
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:53,393
the more the town panics,
the more valuable we become.
99
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,196
That snake
is our ticket
100
00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:58,464
to crazy overtime.
101
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,134
Well, all I know is
102
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,336
I had to raise
a little hell in there.
103
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:05,606
But sometimes that's
what you gotta do
104
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,508
to get the proper forms.
105
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,109
MIGUEL HERNANDEZ:
And switching now to a breaking story,
106
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,544
we go live
to the Heimlich County
107
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:11,978
Animal Control Department.
108
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:15,616
A 12-foot-long Burmese python
escaped earlier today.
109
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:17,217
From what we can piece together,
110
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:20,253
an untrained animal hobbyist,
Hank Hill,
111
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,855
purchased this animal as a joke,
112
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,957
grew bored with it,
and apparently
113
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,191
flushed it down the toilet.
114
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,960
That's not true!
115
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,094
I don't believe this.
116
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,063
They're lying on the news.
117
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,998
Are they talking
about Josh?
118
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,000
People think these animals
make good pets,
119
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,102
but they don't.
They're cold-blooded killers.
120
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,303
Literally.
121
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,973
( sighs ):
Chilling. And now we
122
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,576
go to our own Nancy Hicks
Gribble, live on the scene.
123
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:45,846
No, no. Don't show
our house. No!
124
00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:47,113
Thanks, Miguel.
125
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,582
Neighbors, such as myself,
126
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:52,586
describe Mr. Hill as a quiet
and somewhat rigid man
127
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,988
and the last person
you'd expect to release
128
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,823
such a deadly threat
129
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,559
into this community's
hearts and homes.
130
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,294
( sighs )
131
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,396
You know, I always thought
we'd be on TV
132
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,666
for being murdered
in our sleep.
133
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,336
Dang it, my phone is
ringing off the hook.
134
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,205
You boys need
to catch this snake.
135
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,874
That's what I told them!
136
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:17,077
We are doing
everything possible.
137
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,312
The snake that
was set loose
138
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,881
in our community is
a vicious predator
139
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:23,684
and it cannot be
caught on the cheap.
140
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:27,020
It's going to take time.
141
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,089
It might take
142
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,491
time and a half.
143
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,094
Golden time...
144
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,328
and hazard pay. Thank you.
145
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,330
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
146
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,865
Our budget's too tight as it is.
147
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,568
This is a crisis
of public safety, Don.
148
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:45,639
It appears my colleague
here is soft on snakes.
149
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,642
Are you kidding me?
150
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,544
Nobody hates snakes
more than I do.
151
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,113
Well, you sure have a
funny way of showing it.
152
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:54,515
If anyone knows my history,
153
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,082
he knows I'm tough on snakes.
154
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,684
That's right.
Uh-huh.
155
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,788
As chairman, I move we allocate
156
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,090
more money to snake eradication.
157
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,759
This isn't about money!
158
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,394
Just make these people
do their jobs.
159
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,797
I say we don't just allocate
"some money,"
160
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,734
we allocate all money needed!
161
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,670
I say on top of that
we get these boys
162
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,471
another full-time
Animal Control Officer
163
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,974
to help win my war
on snakes.
164
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,682
Hmm.
165
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,518
( screams )
166
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,420
Dale, get on your
cleanest jumpsuit
167
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:35,789
because you are
going to apply
168
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,358
for that job
with County Animal Control.
169
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:39,860
An opening?
170
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:43,429
But I don't have the chops
to work with Tommy and Rollo.
171
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,331
Why do you like
these guys so much?
172
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,835
So far all they've done is
blame me and asked for money.
173
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,471
Well, I always blame you
and ask for money.
174
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:54,575
Maybe I could fit in!
175
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,278
Mr. Gribble?
176
00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:00,113
Yes, ridiculous name. I know.
177
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,248
What makes you
think you can be a snake hunter?
178
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,552
To be honest, I have no business
even sitting here
179
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:06,853
with you gentlemen.
180
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,723
I am unqualified, uncertified,
and untrained.
181
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,391
I have no references.
182
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:12,693
I am prone to nervousness,
183
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,961
and when nervous,
I vomit in my mouth.
184
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,633
Dale, you shouldn't be
so hard on yourself.
185
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,401
As a matter of fact,
186
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,904
you're exactly
what we're looking for.
187
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:24,938
Really?
188
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,006
Are you sure?
189
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,073
Go on home,
190
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,174
make love to your wife,
191
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,977
and then come back here
ready to be a hero.
192
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,045
But...
193
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,313
But she's at work.
194
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:35,381
I'll figure it out.
195
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,084
( humming )
196
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,419
He's perfect.
197
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:40,887
That moron couldn't
find a snake
198
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,956
if he was wearing it
for a necktie.
199
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,592
Kill you later!
200
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,661
Oh, what the hell.
201
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,130
( squirrel chittering )
202
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,938
There's no reason
for this panic.
203
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,940
There's never been
one instance
204
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:03,409
of a snake jumping out
of a toilet and biting someone.
205
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,711
I even went on the...
206
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,913
( sighs ):
the Web.
207
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,416
It's funny how much
one little snake can change a man's life.
208
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:11,985
My bathroom used to be
209
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,387
where I went to find
comfort and peace.
210
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:16,389
Now it's the sum
of all my fears.
211
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,959
Yeah man, it's like I don't even
have a dang ol' place
212
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,194
to read my dang ol' newspaper
no more, man.
213
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,596
Don't worry
about a thing.
214
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:25,498
Now that Dale Gribble,
Animal Control Specialist,
215
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,500
has joined what
my wife, the media,
216
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,603
has dubbed
Team Snake Hunt,
217
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,505
that snake is
all but caught.
218
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,039
Sha sha sha.
219
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,641
BILL:
Whoa.
220
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,410
And best part of all,
I'm working with my idols.
221
00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:40,480
It would be like
Boomhauer working with Wilt Chamberlin
222
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,348
or Hank working
with, uh...
223
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,018
Dr. Propane,
I'm assuming.
224
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,452
( sighs ):
Just promise
225
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,555
that you'll catch
that snake soon.
226
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,256
I get more looks and whispers
227
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,594
than that bank teller
who's in between genders.
228
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,998
Well, this has been
a great first day.
229
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,466
You guys have
introduced me to sudoku
230
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:02,903
and we came up
with our theme song.
231
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:05,171
Now, this might be
the pedicure talking,
232
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,708
but when are we gonna catch
that snake?
233
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,576
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
234
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:12,613
If we rush into this,
then the snake has won.
235
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,615
Huh.
Gentlemen,
236
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:17,518
here are your beers
and your banana splits.
237
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:18,919
Enjoy.
238
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,955
And by the way, your bill
has been taken care of.
239
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,558
Thank you, Team Snake Hunt!
240
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,360
( applause )
241
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:29,295
( giggles )
242
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,496
WOMAN:
Thanks, guys.
243
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,132
Hey!
244
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,169
NEWSCASTER:
We begin
245
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,839
with an "Arlen Snake Alarm"
update.
246
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:39,840
( sighs )
247
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,708
Just turn the channel.
248
00:10:43,544 --> 00:10:45,011
I hope you're proud
of yourself, Hank.
249
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,614
'Cause of you, I gotta find
someplace besides the commode
250
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,082
to do my business.
251
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,083
Huh?
252
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,752
I didn't have
anything to do
253
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,786
with this snake.
254
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:53,820
It was a gift...
255
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,455
to, to my son...
256
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:58,158
See, it was my dog's birthday...
257
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,262
Uh, no one has anything
to worry about.
258
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,030
The toilets are safe.
259
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,232
Don't buy into this
media frenzy.
260
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:10,103
Let's hear you say that
sitting on a toilet, honey.
261
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,874
It was one of the few
pleasures in my life,
262
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,742
and you took it away.
263
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,377
( sighs )
264
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,079
ANNOUNCER (on TV):
For the shopping experience of a lifetime,
265
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:22,883
drive up to the McMaynerbury
Mall, snake-free since 1982!
266
00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:30,123
( hissing )
267
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,060
Damn, waiting for
this foam will be the death of me.
268
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,597
You know, the firemen have
a self-frothing machine.
269
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,665
Yeah, and the cops
have new headquarters
270
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,366
and those matching ATVs.
271
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,869
Why are we always at the
bottom of the food chain?
272
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,305
Because they all have
bond measures.
273
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,406
You know how it works,
274
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:48,041
cops can't
catch criminals
275
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,043
unless Bond Measure C
passes.
276
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,013
(mocking in child's voice):
Librarians will shut down the children's weading woom
277
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,481
if Bond Measure L
doesn't pass.
278
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,083
Hmm.
279
00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:00,053
If Team Snake Hunt gets
its own bond measure,
280
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,757
we can have any cappuccino
machine we want.
281
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:04,858
Hell, yeah!
282
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:08,461
Bond Measure... S
for Snake.
283
00:12:08,529 --> 00:12:09,730
What do you say, brother?
284
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,032
I don't know anything
about bond measures.
285
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,867
That's the beauty of it.
Nobody does.
286
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,669
But they all vote "Yes"!
287
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,538
And once the bond measure
passes,
288
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,573
then we'll catch the snake?
289
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,941
You got it, buddy.
290
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:24,745
Once Bond Measure S passes,
that snake is toast.
291
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,816
( camera shutter clicks )
292
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:46,900
( screaming )
293
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,737
( no audible dialogue )
294
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:52,539
( no audible dialogue )
295
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:04,751
( sighs )
296
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,352
I keep looking
up at the sky
297
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:10,256
and wondering if Josh is
looking up at the same sky.
298
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,458
You'll feel better
after you build a bear.
299
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:13,660
KAHN:
Hey, Hank Hill,
300
00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:15,929
snake scandal devalue
my property more
301
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,464
than Dauterive sunbathing
on front lawn.
302
00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:20,233
It true. I checked.
303
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,942
Dale, you'd better have
a snake in that backpack.
304
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,577
Don't be ridiculous.
305
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,513
How would I put a snake
in my pack
306
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:35,682
with all my sophisticated
snake finding equipment:
307
00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:38,318
like my personal ionic
air purifier,
308
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:41,121
my anti-fog mirror
and CD player,
309
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,757
and my monogrammed
flotation device?
310
00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,826
What do you need
with all that stuff?
311
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:47,127
( laughs )
312
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,796
Don't be embarrassed
by your ignorance, Hank.
313
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,264
You, as a citizen idiot,
314
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,734
would have no idea
how to catch a snake.
315
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:54,768
Dang it, Dale.
316
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,503
I made you get that county job
317
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:59,973
to make sure those guys did
their job and caught that snake.
318
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,042
Have you even looked down
in the sewers?
319
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:05,812
We don't just willy-nilly go
down in the sewers, Hank.
320
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,681
It takes strategy, planning.
321
00:14:07,748 --> 00:14:10,851
In fact, Tommy and Rollo are
in the Snake Control Room
322
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:13,887
as we speak
planning our next move.
323
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:14,921
The what?
324
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,957
The Snake Control Room?
325
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,059
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
326
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,261
It's probably just
the copy room.
327
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:22,362
The copy room?
328
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,197
I don't think
all the monitors, sensors,
329
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,800
and tracking devices would fit
in the copy room.
330
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:30,937
I think the Snake Control Room
is more like the Danger Room
331
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,338
from theX-Men.
332
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,439
So you've seen it?
333
00:14:33,507 --> 00:14:34,474
Of course.
334
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,811
I mean, uh,
I've been outside the door.
335
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,213
I don't have
clearance to...
336
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,817
It's, uh, it's a lengthy
review process.
337
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:44,818
Huh.
338
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,386
Come on, Dale.
339
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:50,156
We're going to see what those
giblet-heads are really up to.
340
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,127
Guys?
341
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:57,130
Um, I know you said
never to bother you
342
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,532
when you're in
the War Room,
343
00:14:58,599 --> 00:15:02,569
but I need to talk to
you about something.
344
00:15:02,636 --> 00:15:05,506
Guys?
345
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,108
( techno music playing )
346
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,858
You were right, Hank.
347
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,227
They're frauds.
348
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:30,964
We're going
into the sewer.
349
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:35,335
Let's go kill a snake
and a bond measure.
350
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:45,211
These public sewers are
labyrinthian... tine.
351
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,814
Since Tommy and Rollo
never actually trained me,
352
00:15:47,881 --> 00:15:49,550
we could get lost
down there.
353
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,553
I'll become one of the
mysterious sewer people.
354
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,556
Over time, my memories
of the English language
355
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:59,159
will disappear, and I'll be
forced to invent my own.
356
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:01,628
( speaking gibberish )
357
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,129
Get moving, Dale.
358
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,376
"Dear Ex-Idols:
359
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:18,879
"Someone needs
to catch that snake
360
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,446
"and I guess
it's gonna be me.
361
00:16:20,514 --> 00:16:23,650
"P.S. I signed
for your executive dartboard
362
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:25,051
"from The Sharper Image.
363
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,219
It's on the wall."
364
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,288
Holy crap, he's
going in the sewer.
365
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:30,591
That Boy Scout is gonna
crash our gravy train.
366
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,258
We gotta stop him.
367
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:38,832
We're actually
inside Arlen's colon.
368
00:16:38,899 --> 00:16:42,202
It's kind of spooky
down here.
369
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:45,471
Do you think
poop has ghosts?
370
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,544
Apparently, not everyone was
afraid to use their toilets.
371
00:16:54,548 --> 00:16:58,484
Look, it's a wheel
from a child's tricycle.
372
00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:02,088
This is a place
of terrible beauty.
373
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,290
ROLLO:
Wait, did you hear something?
374
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,291
Dale?
375
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,093
Wait a second.
That was Rollo's voice.
376
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,428
They're after us!
377
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:10,597
Well, how'd they even
know we were down here?
378
00:17:10,664 --> 00:17:11,698
Probably the note I left.
379
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:12,966
Come on!
380
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,335
We've gotta hurry up
and catch that snake.
381
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:19,139
( squeaking )
382
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,546
The snake!
Quick, grab it.
383
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,915
( screams, grunting )
384
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:31,985
( grunting ):
I got a hold of it!
385
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,987
It's trying to wrap itself
around me,
386
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,989
but it didn't count
on my strategy
387
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,525
of me wrapping around it!
388
00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:40,226
( laughs )
389
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:44,598
( grunting )
390
00:17:44,665 --> 00:17:46,132
I did it!
391
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,570
I'm not sure
that's Bobby's snake.
392
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,540
Oh, my God, it's not.
393
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,713
Oh, Lord
in Heaven above.
394
00:18:02,616 --> 00:18:03,817
Don't worry, Hank.
395
00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:07,020
I've got three weeks of
exterminating to catch up on.
396
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,321
Where to begin?
397
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:12,225
Eenie-meenie-minie kill!
398
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:15,896
( grunting )
399
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:16,897
Ha!
400
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:17,898
Dale!
401
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,567
Look at that vermin pit.
402
00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:22,268
More like money pit.
403
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,738
Dale, stop killing our money
right now.
404
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,911
What the hell happened to you?
405
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:34,480
You used to be reptile-
and rodent-killing machines.
406
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:37,417
Now you're practically
veterinarians.
407
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,620
Hey, nobody gave a damn about us
till the snake showed up,
408
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,022
and no one will give a damn
about us once it's gone.
409
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,890
That's why you kill?
410
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,726
For appreciation?
411
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,493
From people like him?
412
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,231
You know why you should do it?
413
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,900
Because it's your job
and you're getting a paycheck.
414
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,202
Or how about you do it
415
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,338
because right now
Dale's wife,
416
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:00,674
Channel 84's
Nancy Hicks Gribble,
417
00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:03,276
is on her way
to the Animal Control Office.
418
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,512
She's gonna expose
what really goes on
419
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,181
in that Snake Control Room.
420
00:19:12,853 --> 00:19:13,887
What do you want?
421
00:19:13,954 --> 00:19:16,056
I want you
to end this madness
422
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,925
and publicly repudiate
Bond Measure S.
423
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,565
( hissing )
424
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,199
There's Josh!
425
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:30,804
Are you with me, brothers?
426
00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:35,842
( grunting )
427
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,443
Yah!
Yah!
428
00:19:37,511 --> 00:19:38,512
Ugh.
429
00:19:38,579 --> 00:19:40,747
Hey, if, uh, if Bobby asks,
430
00:19:40,814 --> 00:19:42,282
we let Josh go on a farm.
431
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,483
DALE:
Yah!
432
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,251
( Rollo laughs )
433
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,290
And since my raison d'etre,
434
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:54,227
i.e. the Burmese python,
has been eradicated.
435
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,763
I hereby resign
my position.
436
00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:59,365
But what about
future snake threats?
437
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:02,703
Don't we need Bond Measure S
to safeguard our children?
438
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,538
Oh, yes, the children.
Yeah, what about 'em?
439
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,809
Bond Measure S is nothing more
440
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,911
than an expensive
government boondoggle
441
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:15,682
that in no way will help us with
our efforts in Animal Control.
442
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:21,588
With one percent
of the precincts in,
443
00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:23,389
we are projecting
that Bond Measure A,
444
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,926
The Clean Air for Our Children
to Breathe bond measure,
445
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,729
will pass 62% to 38%.
446
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,063
Oh!
447
00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:31,732
You hear that,
little baby?
448
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:34,134
You're going to be
able to breathe.
449
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,435
As did Bond Measure F,
450
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,403
The Children Are Our Future
initiative,
451
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,472
with 67% of the vote.
452
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:42,275
Children really are
our future, you know.
453
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,577
And in a stunning upset,
454
00:20:43,644 --> 00:20:46,446
Bond Measure S
for a Snake-Free Arlen
455
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:50,116
squeaked by
with only 59% of the vote.
456
00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:52,485
Tell me
about the farm again, Dad.
457
00:20:52,553 --> 00:20:55,856
Uh, yeah, well, uh,
it's a really great place,
458
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,925
I tell you what,
especially for a snake.
459
00:20:58,992 --> 00:21:03,163
You know, lots of, uh,
lots of mice, I guess,
460
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:04,931
that, uh, that Josh ate.
461
00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:07,300
That's Josh, all right.
462
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,434
Tell me more.
463
00:21:08,502 --> 00:21:13,507
Well, it's a...
it's a good farm.
464
00:21:51,244 --> 00:21:53,914
( Dale speaking gibberish )
465
00:21:53,964 --> 00:21:58,514
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