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( Shudders )
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00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,767
Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:38,328
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
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00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,689
Yep.
5
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,357
Yep.
6
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,094
Mm-hmm.
7
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,933
Dale, what the heck
are you doing in my yard?
8
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,460
Giving it
peace of mind.
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00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,701
"This is a bill
for services
10
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,267
provided by... Daletech"?
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00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,712
That's my home
security company.
12
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,737
I've been providing
protection with my constant
13
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,113
surveillance
for years.
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00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:25,812
Well, the free ride is over.
15
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,214
KAHN:
Hey, Hank.
16
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,884
Interested in lap dance?
17
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,120
No, Kahn.
18
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,390
I'm interested in you
putting a privacy hedge
19
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,227
in front of your
bathroom window.
20
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,527
We all have them.
21
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,124
Hank made me
plant two hedges.
22
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,635
I agree.
23
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:44,365
The ugly and working class
should have privacy hedges.
24
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:46,805
But you don't keep
a Ferrari in the garage.
25
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:51,811
( Sighs)
26
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,438
Can Daletech do anything
27
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,676
about getting me
a privacy hedge?
28
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,480
To be honest,
we're more into
29
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,485
the invasion
of privacy business
30
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,920
than the creation
of privacy business.
31
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,656
Peggy, could you
hurry up with that toast?
32
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,126
I want to get
out of here
33
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,652
before Kahn takes his shower.
34
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:12,256
Bobby? Did you drink
my grapefruit juice?
35
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,289
Yeah, sure, Dad.
36
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,529
I drank your grapefruit juice.
37
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:18,163
I had it with
a big bowl of broccoli.
38
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,901
No, I didn't.
39
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,341
COTTON:
Fine! Call your lawyer!
40
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,971
Steak and eggs.
Bloody, but not raw.
41
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,538
Grandpa!
42
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:30,073
Where's Grandma Didi
and G.H.?
43
00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:31,812
Gone to visit her folks.
I'm flopping here.
44
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,082
Oh, that's great, Dad.
'You can sleep in the...
45
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,418
H-How long
will they be gone?
46
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:37,184
Summer, part of autumn.
Don't know.
47
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:39,318
Can't you stay
with anyone else?
48
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:42,226
Your war buddies?
Stinky, Stanky, Smelly?
49
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:44,560
They've all been shoved
into retirement homes.
50
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,225
Got useless and got locked up.
51
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:47,392
All except Topsy.
52
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,801
Topsy? Perfect!
You guys could
53
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:53,830
hang out at his place,
play checkers at his place.
54
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,638
He's playing checkers
with worms.
55
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,973
Died six months ago.
56
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,205
Damn him.
57
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,213
Hank, your wife
let the salt run out.
58
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,147
Which one's the salt?
59
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:06,947
Flour. Sugar.
Dog food.
60
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,718
Sody pop.
61
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,526
Look, Hank.
62
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:14,425
I realize Cotton
is your father
63
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,860
and you can't throw
him out on the street,
64
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,661
but the man drives me nuts.
65
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,599
We should send him
to senior daycare.
66
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,534
They have daycare for seniors?
67
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:23,866
It's the newest craze.
68
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,805
Since life expectancy
has spiraled out of control,
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00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,638
many nursery schools
are being converted
70
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,074
to accommodate seniors.
71
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,509
I'll pack him a sack lunch.
72
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,639
( Sighing ). I couldn't
do that to my dad.
73
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,909
He's just
at loose ends.
74
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,347
loud clattering )
75
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,813
You just missed the criminals
who did this, Hank.
76
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:46,383
Sure am glad
I'm protected by Daletech.
77
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,121
Were they about
five-foot, ten,
78
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:50,323
wearing a baseball cap
and about to get
79
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:51,694
their ass kicked by me?
80
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:55,430
Um, it all happened so fast.
I uh, { coughs )...
81
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:58,234
Hey, Hank! Look! Propane!
82
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,272
KAHN: J It's a
dead man's party I
83
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,368
I VWWwWho could ask
for more? I
84
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,345
Look at this,
Hank's wife.
85
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,838
I've never seen a Far-Easterner
spend so much time primping.
86
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,851
Not now, Cotton.
I'm busy.
87
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:14,650
He got a half a bottle
of pomade in his hair.
88
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,814
That man gets near a flame,
89
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,620
he's going to look
like Chinese New Year.
90
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:22,160
What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?
91
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,560
Baking? Sewing?
92
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,292
Which one is it?
93
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,266
I am trying to make
a crossword puzzle
94
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,768
for my Espanol class.
95
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:29,769
I need
a four-letter word...
96
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,032
Tent! Food! Ammo!
97
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,232
Guns! Tojo!
98
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,637
Horse! No, that's five.
99
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,404
Cotton!
This is a Spanish crossword.
100
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,138
Oh! Taco! Bean!
101
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,476
Cuba! Peso! Agua!
102
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:41,879
PEGGY:
Hey, Hank!
103
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,508
You forgot this!
104
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,109
( Cotton grunts )
105
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:46,483
Mucho! Lucho!
106
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,352
Grande! Enchiladal
107
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:52,555
What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?
108
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:54,526
Now all I need you
to do is staple
109
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,188
the Char-King
warranty cards
110
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,823
to the front
of the owner's manuals.
111
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,355
Think you can
handle that, Dad?
112
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,232
I made you, didn't [?
113
00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:11,003
So I sees you
in the market for a grill.
114
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,341
Yes, sir.
115
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:13,904
Do you know if this
model is self-cleaning?
116
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,437
Like a cat.
117
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:18,213
All you gotsto do is, eh...
118
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,810
push this red button.
119
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,184
( Flames whoosh )
( screaming )
120
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,586
(gasps )
121
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,585
( Nervous chuckle )
122
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:27,889
So, uh, Dad,
123
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,919
I thought you might
enjoy this, uh,
124
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,455
well, social club.
125
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,161
'You brought me to a brothel.
126
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,600
Sorry about the murals,
127
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:44,633
but we're still
in transition.
128
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,204
Don't matter to me, madam.
129
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,773
Where can I transition
into my underpants?
130
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:53,116
Aw, did you
have an accident?
131
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,451
You accept Blue Cross?
132
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:56,614
( Stammers )
133
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,283
What kind of brothel is this?
134
00:05:58,325 --> 00:05:59,850
It's an activity center.
135
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,863
It'll be fun, Dad.
Just give it a chance.
136
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,227
Bye!
137
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,564
( Screaming )
138
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,437
I'm not sleepy!
139
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:15,704
Come on!
140
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,210
You think I'm used up?
141
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:20,680
I can outfight, out drink
and outdo anyone I know.
142
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:30,321
Hmm. Double murder
in Detroit last night,
143
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:33,657
wasn't protected
by Daletech.
144
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:34,785
Oh, God.
145
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,023
What now?
146
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,154
Hello, Officers.
147
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,461
Uh, what kind of trouble
is my father in?
148
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:40,898
Sir, he's not
in any trouble
149
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,403
now that we got him out
of that nursery school.
150
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:44,733
A war hero
like your dad
151
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,739
still has a lot
to give to society.
152
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:49,367
I'm an auxiliary policeman now.
153
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,969
Sworn to serve and to protect.
154
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,571
What? Really?
155
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:54,944
With all the budget cuts,
156
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,313
our manpower's been
stretched to its limits.
157
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,785
That's why we started a senior
division of Citizens on Patrol.
158
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:01,116
Officer Hill.
159
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,149
Well, this is
great, Dad.
160
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:06,750
So what do
you actually do?
161
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:07,851
'You hang out
at the station?
162
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:10,488
Get the officers coffee?
Answer phones?
163
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,726
Nope.
I gots myself a real beat.
164
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,066
The cops said I'm the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.
165
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,969
But Daletech's the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.
166
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,302
Not anymore.
167
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,468
Well, I think that's,
that's...
168
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:23,738
You sassing me?
Not
169
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,245
( grunts)
170
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,542
Too tight. Too tight!
171
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:33,519
COTTON: All right, I'm in charge
172
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,214
of keeping
the peace now.
173
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:38,384
So if anyone thinks I'm not
worth the spit to shine a shoe,
174
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,416
they better be ready
to talk to me
175
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,189
and my partner,
Sgt. Whippy.
176
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,224
Oh, that's great, Dad.
177
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,857
But remember, you're supposed
178
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,129
to be the eyes and ears
of the neighborhood,
179
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,727
not the... whippy.
( whip cracks )
180
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,794
DALE:
Damn that Cotton.
181
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:55,171
They'll never pay
for my Daletech service
182
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,767
now that he's working for free.
183
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,309
Nope, Cotton's got to go.
184
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:03,112
But he's got Hank behind him
and Hank's the alpha-neighbor.
185
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,084
I'm gamma or delta at best.
186
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,918
Well, I didn't get
to be president of Daletech
187
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,423
by playing by the rules.
188
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:13,757
So Operation Turn Everyone
Against Cotton
189
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:17,024
is in motion... now!
190
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,428
NANCY:
Sounds good, Sug.
191
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:20,160
Could you add the softener
when the washer dings?
192
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,565
Oh,
193
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:25,060
I'll add the softener
on the ding.
194
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,231
PEGGY:
I don't know, Hank.
195
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,967
Cotton working
as a cop?
196
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,170
He has a terrible
human rights record.
197
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:31,371
Don't worry.
198
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:32,776
I checked
with the police department
199
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,780
and he doesn't have
any actual police authority.
200
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:38,114
Well, I'm off to chop down
that birdhouse.
201
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:41,280
Too much chirping
disturbs the peace.
202
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,120
Uh, Dad, I don't think
that's such a... dang it!
203
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,455
Who moved this coffee table?
204
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,325
First, my grapefruit
juice disappears.
205
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,295
Now, someone's moving
the coffee table.
206
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,300
Well, so you thinks someone
is breakin' in
207
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,892
and messin' with
your stuff, do ya?
208
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:57,562
No, Dad,
I'm sure it's nothing.
209
00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:59,834
Oh, well, I got
some choppin' to do.
210
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,307
Hank's wife, we'll
be having
211
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,241
sparrow eggs for
breakfast tomorrow.
212
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:06,439
But, uh, you know,
I'm not the police officer.
213
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:07,571
You are.
214
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,844
Would you be willing
to take on the case
215
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,442
of who's drinking
my juice
216
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,452
and moving
my coffee table?
217
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,011
Hot berk, I'd better get on it!
218
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:19,085
Cotton, that is an outdoor toy!
219
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:20,650
Ten-four, Manimal!
220
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,859
Hank, you can't
really believe
221
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,628
that someone's
breaking in our house
222
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,396
just to drink
your grapefruit juice.
223
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,632
No, but it'll keep him
busy a while,
224
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,537
you know, out
of everyone's hair.
225
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,073
Hello, boys.
226
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,603
You off to play
a little marbles, mumbly peg
227
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,342
or king of the coffee table?!
228
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:46,444
We're gonna go shout
swear words into a sewer pipe.
229
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:47,681
Not anymore!
230
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,654
This street's on lock down
till I find out
231
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,179
who's been messing
with your daddy's stuff.
232
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,191
Now move it!
233
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,294
Good work, Officer.
234
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,322
Those two looked like
some bad eggs all right.
235
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,800
Can it, Gribble.
236
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:05,396
Someone's been tapping
into my boy's grapefruit juice,
237
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,338
and I means to find out who.
238
00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:08,465
Put your finger
down your throat.
239
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,374
Let me see
what's in your gullet.
240
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,538
Okay, but I'm allergic
to citrus.
241
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,310
I wish I wasn't 'cause
all Bill talks about
242
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,407
is how good
grapefruit juice is.
243
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,919
It's like he's rubbing it
in my face.
244
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,654
COTTON: Well,
how do you like that?
245
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:26,284
A man who doesn't like juice
has a juicer.
246
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,488
Maybe I ought a squeeze
some truth out of you.
247
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,059
( Whimpering )
248
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:32,929
It was a wedding gift!
249
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,730
( Screaming )
250
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:35,996
Dang it, wolf man!
251
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:38,333
Your belly beard
done burned out the motor.
252
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,839
I'm gonna get the Dirt Devil.
253
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,602
Dale, you have
to believe me.
254
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,336
I didn't drink
Hank's juice.
255
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,367
I know you didn't, Bill.
256
00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:47,675
That power hungry
rent-a-cop
257
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,307
is just out to make
a name for himself.
258
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,181
I'm just as scared
as you are.
259
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,548
You got to help me.
260
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,417
Well, you're not
a member of Daletech,
261
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,014
but I guess I could try to
intervene just this once.
262
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,692
Thank you, Daletech.
263
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,660
Sir, you did it!
264
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:05,324
Bill broke down and implicated
Boomhauer as the possible culprit.
265
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,890
Ah! You don't say.
266
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:11,564
Well, I guess I'd better
go pay Boomhauer a little visit.
267
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,274
I'm not gonna ask ya again.
268
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,939
Did ya drink
my boy's grapefruit juice?
269
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,074
Gotdang, man, I didn't drink
nothing, man.
270
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,710
Talkin' bout just tr yin'
to change my oil here, man.
271
00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:26,514
( Screams )
272
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,543
I like mangos, man!
273
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,885
I believe ya.
274
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,358
The weight
of a jalopy
275
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,451
always crushes the truth
out of a man.
276
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,529
He called your car
a jalopy.
277
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:42,832
That's literally adding
insult to injury.
278
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,538
HANK:
Dang it!
279
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,598
I don't know
what kind of game
280
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,700
is being played around here,
281
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:53,110
but everybody in this house
knows
282
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,309
the toilet paper goes over...
front, not...
283
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:57,680
Don't look at me like that.
284
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,378
'You know what I'm talking about.
285
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,854
'You are as crazy as your father.
286
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,481
You know what that
old coot did to Luanne?
287
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:07,357
He cracked my driver's license
in half
288
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:11,125
with a big shakey thing
because I didn't blinker.
289
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,600
And he made me go to bed
at 3:30 in the afternoon.
290
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,295
Look, I know Dad can be a pain,
291
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,634
but I haven't seen this kind
of spark in him
292
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:19,797
in a long time.
293
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,570
Besides, Luanne never uses
her turn signal
294
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,304
and Bobby gets cranky
around 4:00.
295
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:29,538
Look, Hank Hill, I'm
wearing a bikini made of suds!
296
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:34,512
( Whip cracking )
297
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,352
Now, I understand
why lion tamers
298
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,788
get mauled
every so often.
299
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:38,950
( Whip cracking )
300
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,861
Boy, I gotta tell ya,
Hank,
301
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:44,488
things sure have gone
to hell
302
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,294
ever since Cotton
got that badge.
303
00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:49,358
Yeah, maybe
that's partly my fault.
304
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,871
I guess I'd better have
a sit-down with him.
305
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:54,874
Hmm, that might not be
a good idea.
306
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:59,037
Cotton's self-esteem is
as fragile as his elderly hips.
307
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:02,104
Hey, maybe we should have
a neighborhood meeting
308
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,412
to let people blow off
some steam in private.
309
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,919
You know,
a bull session?
310
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,352
That's not a bad idea,
Dale.
311
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,412
You're right.
312
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,616
It's not a bad idea.
313
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,625
Not a bad idea at all.
314
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,650
( Faughing maniacally )
315
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:19,728
It's the beer.
316
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,165
I just want to start
317
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,294
this meeting off
by acknowledging
318
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,896
that my Dad can be
a handful sometimes.
319
00:13:25,938 --> 00:13:27,702
A handful of crap!
320
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,072
I thought we were
supposed to vent.
321
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,279
Go ahead.
322
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,371
It's a safe environment.
323
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,906
What's said here, stays here.
324
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:39,281
He pulled my belly hairs
with a juicer!
325
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:43,586
It took me 16 years to
get my first driver's license.
326
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,717
I'm too old
to start over!
327
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:49,524
He keeps on pressing me
to name Connie as a Communist.
328
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,723
I had to!
329
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,091
'You were right, Gribble.
330
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:57,398
They are all plotting
against me.
331
00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:00,202
BILL: We should rub
grapefruit juice in his eye.
332
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:01,866
PEGGY:
And slap him on a bus
333
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:03,899
with a sack lunch!
334
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:05,001
( Whip cracking )
335
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,239
COTTON:
All right!
336
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,769
I'm arresting everybody here
337
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,078
for conspiring to slander
a police officer.
338
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,141
What? Dad, that's crazy.
339
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,311
And you...
340
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,447
All that stuff you claim's
been messed with...
341
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,479
How do I know
it ain't an inside job?
342
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,514
Maybe ya done it
for the insurance money.
343
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,824
You think I insure my juice
against being drunk?
344
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,557
( Murmuring )
345
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:25,393
Shush it!
346
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:26,557
'You're all suspects.
347
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,124
Now, if you cuff
yourselves
348
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,601
it'll save ya a beatin'.
349
00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:31,729
Start cuff in'!
350
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:33,998
No, don't hurt me?
351
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,476
Give me my whip, boy.
352
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:39,672
No.
353
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,111
Dang it, Dad,
you're out of control.
354
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,615
There is no mystery.
355
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:45,049
I just gave you that
as busy work,
356
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:46,609
but you even managed
to screw that up.
357
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:47,847
But I'm a cop.
358
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,184
I keeps the peace.
359
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,055
I'm protecting the... juice.
360
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:54,617
Someone moves
the table, I...
361
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,355
Dad, you're not a cop.
362
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,557
Now give me your badge.
363
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,429
I don't want to have
to call the real police.
364
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,913
Daletech, for all
your home security needs.
365
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:21,113
Daletech, for all your home
security needs.
366
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:29,194
So, who wants the new
introductory surveillance package?
367
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:31,196
For an extra
30 bucks a month,
368
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:34,495
you'll get a closed circuit
feed of Bill's house.
369
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,367
It puts it all
in perspective, believe me.
370
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:38,871
I believe you.
371
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,873
So where is Cotton?
Let me guess.
372
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:43,877
Did he get busted down to doing
cross-guard duty?
373
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:48,108
No. He's making macaroni art
down at the Sunset Day Center.
374
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:50,081
Really? He's back in graycare?
375
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,017
I thought he had more fight
in him than that.
376
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:56,613
No. Losing that badge seemed
to really take it out of him.
377
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,556
Well, I better go pick him up.
378
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:03,460
Well, maybe I'll come along
and bring the colonel a balloon.
379
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:04,930
Not as a
potential client.
380
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,295
Just as a guy,
you know,
381
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,164
who's down and could...
382
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,794
could use a balloon.
383
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,237
Hey, Peeping Tom!
384
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,433
After speed walk,
I take shower.
385
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,135
See you
in half an hour.
386
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,370
( Faughing )
387
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,344
No hedge!
388
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,385
I see you
painted a picture.
389
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,828
This must be a
symbolic painting
390
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,592
of how he
feels inside.
391
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,726
Is this how
you feel inside?
392
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,235
Sorta.
393
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,431
Yup. See? That's
you, Hank, yelling,
394
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:48,031
and embarrassing him
in front of everyone.
395
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,371
Ooh! There's me!
396
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,740
( Sighs)
397
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,245
Come on, Dad.
398
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:55,407
You can finish
that tomorrow.
399
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:04,921
Hey, Dad, want to
grab a beer in the alley?
400
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:08,086
No. I'm just gonna go to bed.
401
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:12,086
I need to get up early
and find three aerosol can tops
402
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,031
for my
craft project.
403
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,296
Boy, I hate to see
your dad like this.
404
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:18,133
VWhy don't I just
look after him
405
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:20,935
so he doesn't have to go
back to that place tomorrow?
406
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,532
You'd do that?
407
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,043
Sure. Daletech's a bust.
408
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:26,272
Guess it's the wrong
economic climate
409
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:29,077
to be an expensive,
poorly trained visionary.
410
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:37,422
You really shouldn't
feel so worthless.
411
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,390
I'm much more of a
burden on my family,
412
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:40,893
and I feel great.
413
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:43,624
( Sighing ).
The show's over.
414
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:48,057
I can't stand to see
you like this, sir.
415
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,727
I'm the one
who broke you,
416
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,737
so I'm going
to fix this.
417
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,297
Hey, did you ever see
418
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:56,172
One Flew Over
the Cuckoo's Nest?
419
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:57,141
You're
420
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,735
Jack Nicholson.
421
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,008
Are you crazy?!
422
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,379
This might be easier
if you lie down.
423
00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:08,576
Now you're showing
some life? Geez!
424
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,589
This kind of
complicates things.
425
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,357
Wait!
426
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:17,663
I know that smell!
427
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,927
Someone has been monkeying
around in my boy's house!
428
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,263
And I know who it is!
429
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,790
Good for you, sir!
430
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:25,668
Hot berk,
I'm not some old screw up!
431
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,106
Now all I need is some proof.
432
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,507
Gribble,
I'm hiring Daletech!
433
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,509
Oh, no!
434
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:37,209
I've soiled myself!
435
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:38,876
It's okay, sir!
436
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:42,218
They'll change you at
the Sunset Day Center,
437
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:44,552
where we will
be all day!
438
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,561
The trap has been set.
439
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:59,230
Now the waiting begins.
440
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:05,237
God, the waiting is
interminable, isn't it?
441
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:12,010
Hello, Mr. Kahn.
442
00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:16,078
I don't know what
you are talking about.
443
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:20,025
You think I drink juice and
move hillbilly furniture around?
444
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,527
I know you did.
445
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,221
Nobody in my boy's house,
446
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:25,697
or even this neighborhood,
uses pomade.
447
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,358
I can smell
it on you,
448
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,027
and I can smell it
on this pillow.
449
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,866
Now, confess.
450
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,064
You have no proof.
451
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,503
Who gonna
believe you?
452
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,371
You just some
crazy old man.
453
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,876
Oh, yeah?
454
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,872
Hello?
455
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,381
Coast clear.
456
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:47,712
Hey, slow down.
457
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:51,212
That juice expensive for
poor hillbillies like us.
458
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:53,225
Oh, you right.
459
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:55,523
I shouldn't
have done that.
460
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:58,587
I'm a very bad
redneck, Peggy Hill.
461
00:19:58,631 --> 00:19:59,894
Okay, you caught me.
462
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,229
I drink Hank's juice.
463
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:02,564
Let's call it a day.
464
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:04,569
Hey, you...
465
00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:07,163
MINH:
Mmm! Maybe I teach you a lesson.
466
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,300
After all, I'm always blabbing
467
00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:11,400
about being
a substitute teacher.
468
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,037
Does Hank Hill know about this?
469
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:15,275
If he did, you
wouldn't be alive.
470
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:21,185
KAHN: You look as sexy to me
as propane tank, I tell you what.
471
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,949
I promise never to do it again.
472
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:24,888
We go back
to library reading room
473
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,050
if we need
cheap thrill.
474
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,890
Please don't tell Hank Hill.
475
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,417
I give you
anything you want.
476
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:33,262
I don't need anything from you,
but my boy does.
477
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:35,631
I want you to give
him his privacy hedge.
478
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:38,035
'You're gonna pay for it,
you're gonna build it,
479
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,437
and you're going to
thank him for the privilege.
480
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:41,770
And you have to subscribe
481
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:44,276
to a year
of Daletech services.
482
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:47,541
Dah! Okay. Hey,
this tape pretty good.
483
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,048
Can I keep it?
484
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,778
Huh! I didn't even
know there was a case,
485
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,288
and you solved it.
486
00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:58,120
Who would have
guessed it was Kahn?
487
00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,283
I didn't guess, boy.
488
00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:01,259
I did some
old-fashioned police work.
489
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:04,126
Well, however you
did it, good job.
490
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:06,723
Officer Hill, Rainey
Street thanks you.
491
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,831
'You impersonating an officer,
boy?
492
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,565
Put that hand down.
493
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,607
I still don't
see what's so funny
494
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:20,909
about you sneaking in my house
just to move stuff around.
495
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,415
Oh, yeah, it real
funny in Laos.
496
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,941
Number one
reality show.
497
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:29,944
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
498
00:22:04,723 --> 00:22:06,213
COTTON:
Ten-four, Manimal!
499
00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:07,225
( Whip cracks )
500
00:22:07,275 --> 00:22:11,825
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35082
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