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Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:16,259
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
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HANK:
I bought this whetstone
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00:00:33,550 --> 00:00:35,609
the day Bobby was born.
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00:00:35,652 --> 00:00:39,145
I can't believe he's ready to
sharpen his first mower blade.
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00:00:39,189 --> 00:00:44,218
Son...
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00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:48,027
you're a teenager now,
on your way to becoming a man.
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00:00:48,065 --> 00:00:50,227
This will help you
on the journey.
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00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:53,362
Wow. I've always wanted
one of these.
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00:00:53,403 --> 00:00:56,236
No, no! Stop that!
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00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:57,240
( Sighs)
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00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:59,242
This is for sharpening
mower blades.
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00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,506
You'll sharpen every Saturday
14
00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:02,569
and when you've shown me
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00:01:02,613 --> 00:01:04,911
you can handle
the responsibility
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00:01:04,948 --> 00:01:07,918
you'll get to use those blades
to mow the lawn.
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00:01:07,951 --> 00:01:11,080
Okay.
18
00:01:11,121 --> 00:01:12,953
Hey, don't put that
down there.
19
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:16,392
Oops. Sorry.
20
00:01:16,426 --> 00:01:19,521
Dang it, Bobby.
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00:01:20,697 --> 00:01:22,028
'You're going to rake leaves
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00:01:22,065 --> 00:01:24,466
until that whetstone
is paid off.
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00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,991
And every Thursday,
you're going to bag them
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00:01:26,036 --> 00:01:27,231
and drag them to the curb
25
00:01:27,271 --> 00:01:30,673
so they can be picked up
by garbageman More house.
26
00:01:30,707 --> 00:01:33,540
How about he grabs the bags
himself?
27
00:01:33,577 --> 00:01:35,170
He seems to like it, Dad.
28
00:01:35,212 --> 00:01:36,737
He's made a career of it.
29
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:37,747
Start raking.
30
00:01:37,781 --> 00:01:40,409
(gasps )
31
00:01:42,653 --> 00:01:44,644
What the...?
32
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:49,285
Bobby!
33
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:51,556
BOBBY:
Coming.
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00:01:51,595 --> 00:01:52,858
Owl
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00:01:52,896 --> 00:01:55,797
Huh? I've been practicing
all morning.
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00:01:55,832 --> 00:01:57,766
That's it.
37
00:01:57,801 --> 00:01:58,768
You're grounded
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00:01:58,802 --> 00:02:00,930
until you're ready to pick up
those leaves.
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00:02:00,971 --> 00:02:01,938
Okay.
40
00:02:01,972 --> 00:02:04,771
I mean it, mister.
41
00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:06,207
Can I take the rake
with me?
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00:02:06,243 --> 00:02:07,210
No.
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00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:14,107
Dinner's ready.
44
00:02:14,284 --> 00:02:15,342
( Bobby sniffling )
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00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:16,749
In a minute.
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00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,546
Son, I'm sorry I had to come
down hard on you, but you're...
47
00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:21,751
What are you doing?
48
00:02:21,792 --> 00:02:23,851
Just smelling stuff.
49
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,328
( Sniffs)
50
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:26,329
Uh-huh.
51
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:29,993
The clock radio smells
like my Game Boy
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00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:33,230
but it tastes like
my library card.
53
00:02:33,270 --> 00:02:38,709
I wonder if it smells
different when it's on?
54
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:39,709
So, where's Bobby?
55
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:42,212
I want to talk to
someone while you work.
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00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,474
He's grounded.
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00:02:43,513 --> 00:02:44,480
Not that he cares.
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00:02:44,514 --> 00:02:48,781
He's just sitting there, uh...
smelling things in his room.
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00:02:48,819 --> 00:02:50,787
( Sighs ).
That boy ain't right.
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00:02:50,821 --> 00:02:51,788
Don't blame Bobby.
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00:02:51,822 --> 00:02:55,087
'You've been babying him
ever since he was a baby.
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00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:56,388
I don't baby him.
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00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,987
I've explained responsibility
to him a hundred times.
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00:03:00,030 --> 00:03:00,997
Explain?!
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00:03:01,031 --> 00:03:03,728
'You don't explain responsibility
to a child.
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00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,896
'You pound it into them
with steel-toed boots.
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00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,531
Uh, well, Il don't really
know if...
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00:03:09,573 --> 00:03:10,540
I know.
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00:03:10,574 --> 00:03:11,541
And I'll tell you.
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00:03:11,575 --> 00:03:13,942
We got to chisel the man
out of the baby fat
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00:03:13,977 --> 00:03:19,313
via the Fort Berk Academy.
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00:03:19,349 --> 00:03:20,748
That's what worked
for me.
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00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:23,378
I always wanted to go
to the Academy.
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00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,582
And I wish I
could've sent you.
75
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,886
Unfortunately, you were such
a bumbling moron
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00:03:27,924 --> 00:03:29,119
I couldn't vouch for you.
77
00:03:29,159 --> 00:03:31,491
I think I would've made
a great cadet.
78
00:03:31,528 --> 00:03:33,929
Nah, you wouldn't
have been no good.
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00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:37,628
But if you'd gone, you'd
know how to handle Bobby.
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00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:40,227
Yep, even the Academy's
two-week boot camp
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00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:43,103
does more than most parents can
do to their kids in a lifetime.
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00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:50,103
Now Bobby...
he'd make a fine cadet.
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00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:51,842
Huh.
84
00:03:52,349 --> 00:03:54,374
I do not know how Bobby
gets this cape so wrinkled.
85
00:03:54,418 --> 00:03:57,854
Yeah, I don't know what to do
about him, either.
86
00:03:57,888 --> 00:03:58,855
What would you think about
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00:03:58,889 --> 00:04:01,688
letting the instructors at
Fort Berk take a crack at him?
88
00:04:01,725 --> 00:04:03,284
Cotton's old school?
89
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,795
Sure. And then maybe
this summer
90
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,797
we can send him
to Cotton's old POW camp.
91
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,799
Peggy, I talked to the principal
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00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:13,599
and he assured me that
they are tough, but not rough.
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00:04:13,637 --> 00:04:15,605
He spent a long time
on the phone
94
00:04:15,639 --> 00:04:17,403
explaining the distinction.
95
00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:19,705
Come on. Today,
you're ironing his cape.
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00:04:19,743 --> 00:04:21,404
If we don't take
drastic action
97
00:04:21,445 --> 00:04:23,675
tomorrow there'll be
a top hat in the picture.
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00:04:23,713 --> 00:04:24,737
COTTON:
Bobby?
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00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:26,306
It's your Gampy.
100
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,910
We got a little present
for ya.
101
00:04:29,953 --> 00:04:30,943
Hi, Ging-ging.
102
00:04:30,987 --> 00:04:33,046
What'd you bring me?
103
00:04:33,089 --> 00:04:34,614
Wow, a costume!
104
00:04:34,658 --> 00:04:36,717
"You want the truth?
105
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,320
You can't handle the truth!"
106
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:40,386
It's perfect.
107
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,990
This ain't no costume, boy.
108
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,558
It's a uniform.
109
00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:49,300
Standard issue for all cadets
at Fort Berk Academy.
110
00:04:49,339 --> 00:04:50,306
Huh?
111
00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:51,398
Yep. We're giving you
112
00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:52,909
the privilege of attending
113
00:04:52,943 --> 00:04:56,379
the Academy's two-week
boot camp program.
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00:04:56,413 --> 00:04:58,108
Enjoy your
spring break, son.
115
00:04:58,148 --> 00:04:59,115
Boot camp?
116
00:04:59,149 --> 00:05:01,447
Can't we work something out?
117
00:05:01,485 --> 00:05:05,422
What if I agreed to a spanking?
118
00:05:05,455 --> 00:05:07,787
You can have both.
119
00:05:07,824 --> 00:05:09,019
I'm not sure
what this means
120
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:12,859
but I once heard that when you're
stuck in an unpleasant situation
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00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:16,161
it helps to just lie back
and think of England.
122
00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:17,598
( Horn honking )
123
00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:19,500
That's enough,
Hank's wife!
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00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:22,870
If you got more feelings
to express
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00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:28,106
get in the kitchen
and put them in a bundt cake.
126
00:05:28,144 --> 00:05:29,043
Pididdle.
127
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,171
( Faughing )
128
00:05:30,213 --> 00:05:31,408
Come on, Bobby.
129
00:05:31,448 --> 00:05:33,416
Whenever you see a cripple plate
130
00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:35,714
yell "pididdle�
and punch your dad.
131
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,414
I'm not much in the mood
to play games, Grandpa.
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00:05:38,455 --> 00:05:39,650
Come on, boy.
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00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:41,919
Take your tee-hees
while you can.
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00:05:41,958 --> 00:05:43,255
Soon enough, all the silly
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00:05:43,293 --> 00:05:46,024
is going to get beaten out
of you. For good.
136
00:05:46,062 --> 00:05:47,552
You'll be fine,
Bobby.
137
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,122
But if you
start crying
138
00:05:49,165 --> 00:05:51,725
just try to push the
tears onto your forehead
139
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,293
so it'll look
like sweat.
140
00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:56,067
In my day, the principal
was the meanest son of a bitch
141
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,268
God ever put on one leg.
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00:05:58,308 --> 00:06:01,505
He'd lean on a desk with both
hands and swing his leg at you.
143
00:06:01,545 --> 00:06:03,513
Then, when you were
standing there
144
00:06:03,547 --> 00:06:06,346
shocked that a one-legged man
had kicked you, he'd bite you.
145
00:06:06,383 --> 00:06:07,350
Oops. Well.
146
00:06:07,384 --> 00:06:08,351
Huh.
147
00:06:08,385 --> 00:06:09,352
How you like that?
148
00:06:09,386 --> 00:06:16,486
Must've over-reminisced
and brought up my pain water.
149
00:06:16,526 --> 00:06:19,962
( Moans sadly )
150
00:06:19,996 --> 00:06:22,556
( Weakly ).
Pididdle.
151
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:26,866
COTTON:
There it is, boys.
152
00:06:26,903 --> 00:06:30,271
God! Ain't it beautiful?
153
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:35,677
That, my friend,
is "the hole."
154
00:06:35,712 --> 00:06:36,679
If I had a nickel
155
00:06:36,713 --> 00:06:38,681
for every boy
that went loco in there
156
00:06:38,715 --> 00:06:40,444
I'd be eating
nickel soup.
157
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,713
They can put a boy
in a hole?
158
00:06:42,752 --> 00:06:44,151
No, they...
They gots to!
159
00:06:44,187 --> 00:06:47,418
It's hard to be willful
if your will's been broken.
160
00:06:53,763 --> 00:06:54,992
What are you doing?
161
00:06:55,031 --> 00:06:57,762
Well, I was planning
on coming in with you guys.
162
00:06:57,801 --> 00:07:00,634
I thought I explained
this to you 30 years ago.
163
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:01,637
You ain't good enough!
164
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,765
I was just going
to help Bobby get...
165
00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:04,774
You've helped enough!
166
00:07:04,808 --> 00:07:07,800
Starting now,
Fort Berk takes over.
167
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:10,745
So keep yourself and your
hippie style of parenting
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00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:15,149
outside the gate.
169
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,654
Dad?
170
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,459
Good Lord, they're going
to have to get bigger sticks
171
00:07:26,496 --> 00:07:28,931
to beat the frosting
out of these fatties.
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00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:29,864
( Faughing )
173
00:07:29,899 --> 00:07:31,890
But they'll do it.
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00:07:31,935 --> 00:07:33,027
Colonel Hill,
it's an honor
175
00:07:33,069 --> 00:07:35,094
to finally meet
our most decorated alumnus.
176
00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:36,799
You're darn skippy it is
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00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,174
but I don't wants my boy
getting no special handling.
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00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,541
I assure you, Colonel
179
00:07:41,578 --> 00:07:43,569
he'll get the
standard treatment.
180
00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:44,580
( Chuckling )
181
00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:45,581
( Chuckling )
182
00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:46,582
Well, boy, may
God bless you.
183
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,744
Not that it would
help you in here.
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00:07:48,785 --> 00:07:52,380
I can hardly wait
to see my grandson
185
00:07:52,422 --> 00:07:53,719
all toughened up.
186
00:07:53,757 --> 00:07:59,719
You think you folks
could mail me copies
187
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:05,161
of his daily beating logs?
188
00:08:05,201 --> 00:08:06,168
( Chuckling )
189
00:08:06,202 --> 00:08:07,795
Colonel Hill,
you do realize
190
00:08:07,837 --> 00:08:09,805
things have changed
since your time here?
191
00:08:09,839 --> 00:08:13,207
All right, you can
e-mail them to me.
192
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,905
( Playing "Taps")
193
00:08:15,945 --> 00:08:17,743
Lights out!
194
00:08:17,781 --> 00:08:19,909
I suggest you get as much sleep
as you can
195
00:08:19,949 --> 00:08:21,917
before the senior
cadets come by
196
00:08:21,951 --> 00:08:23,646
to... welcome you.
197
00:08:23,687 --> 00:08:24,654
( Faughing )
198
00:08:24,688 --> 00:08:25,655
( Sobbing softly )
199
00:08:25,689 --> 00:08:31,890
BOY: Oh, no, I
made a code yellow.
200
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:35,262
Oh, God, my grandpa told me
they come in and beat you
201
00:08:35,298 --> 00:08:37,266
with sacks
full of frozen oranges.
202
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:38,631
( Gasping ):
Oh, dang!
203
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:40,762
Someone's coming.
204
00:08:40,804 --> 00:08:43,136
Lie back
and think of England.
205
00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:46,006
Hugh Grant, Spice Girls...
Paddington.
206
00:08:49,512 --> 00:08:52,641
( Clanging )
207
00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:59,053
( Cadets yelling )
208
00:09:00,090 --> 00:09:01,080
I don't get it.
209
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,092
Why was that
supposed to be scary?
210
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,289
Well, five more minutes
like that
211
00:09:06,329 --> 00:09:09,663
and I guess it might have caused
some hearing damage.
212
00:09:17,707 --> 00:09:20,472
Just think, when Bobby
comes home from Fort Berk
213
00:09:20,577 --> 00:09:24,536
he's going to be respectful,
obedient and easy to manage.
214
00:09:24,914 --> 00:09:28,908
That's right, Hank-
just like a... a show dog.
215
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,011
( Sobbing )
216
00:09:31,054 --> 00:09:33,614
My grandpa says
that all you get for breakfast
217
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:36,887
is a spoonful of salt
and some stale bread.
218
00:09:36,926 --> 00:09:38,325
Oh, man!
219
00:09:38,361 --> 00:09:40,159
That's how they brainwash you.
220
00:09:40,196 --> 00:09:41,721
They starve you first.
221
00:09:41,765 --> 00:09:43,324
Okay, plebes, move it.
222
00:09:43,366 --> 00:09:43,992
Crepe station closes
223
00:09:44,033 --> 00:09:48,800
in five minutes.
224
00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:57,775
Uh, these sure are
some good peas, Peggy.
225
00:09:57,814 --> 00:09:58,781
What's your secret?
226
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,249
Microwave.
227
00:10:00,283 --> 00:10:02,945
I wonder if Bobby's
being forced to sleep
228
00:10:02,986 --> 00:10:05,182
in mud or dung
right now?
229
00:10:05,221 --> 00:10:07,713
Wait, what's today, Tuesday?
230
00:10:07,957 --> 00:10:09,015
Dung.
231
00:10:09,726 --> 00:10:11,626
( Bawling )
232
00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:18,600
No one is answering, Hank!
233
00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:21,002
Oh, they're probably
all bound and gagged.
234
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,004
(gasping )
235
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,062
Oh, my God.
236
00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:25,268
What if the wires
from this doorbell
237
00:10:25,308 --> 00:10:26,867
are connected to his nipples?
238
00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:29,140
It is worse
than I could have imagined!
239
00:10:29,179 --> 00:10:30,704
Will you let us in?!
240
00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:35,844
Let us in!
241
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,819
We demand to see Bobby Hill!
242
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:38,980
Peggy, protocol.
243
00:10:39,022 --> 00:10:41,320
Sir, permission
to see Cadet Hill
244
00:10:41,357 --> 00:10:44,054
while keeping a respectful
distance from the grounds.
245
00:10:44,093 --> 00:10:45,618
Oh, you're his father.
246
00:10:45,662 --> 00:10:47,096
We talked on the phone.
247
00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:48,495
You're welcome to come in.
248
00:10:48,531 --> 00:10:49,498
I am?
249
00:10:49,532 --> 00:10:51,500
Of course, and
so is your lawyer.
250
00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:53,502
We have nothing to hide.
251
00:11:01,211 --> 00:11:02,576
Your concern for your son
252
00:11:02,612 --> 00:11:04,944
is perfectly normal,
but I can assure you
253
00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:07,541
Cadet Hill is
excelling here.
254
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:08,551
Mom! Dad!
255
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:12,681
Bobby! Honey,
are you okay?
256
00:11:12,722 --> 00:11:14,190
Blink if you're not.
257
00:11:14,224 --> 00:11:15,749
I'm great, ma'am.
258
00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:17,760
Cadet Hill, why don't
you take your parents
259
00:11:17,794 --> 00:11:19,762
to Survival
Crafts class?
260
00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:22,891
I can attend a class
at Fort Berk?
261
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,900
Well, I won't let you down,
Bobby.
262
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,732
I mean, Cadet Hill.
263
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:27,964
On the battlefield
264
00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,597
you may find yourself stranded
265
00:11:29,639 --> 00:11:31,835
without enough
water to survive
266
00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:33,843
but with a sufficient
quantity of mud
267
00:11:33,877 --> 00:11:34,844
you will have
the ability
268
00:11:34,878 --> 00:11:37,142
to create your own bowl,
pot, urn, decanter
269
00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:39,877
or beaker to
collect rainwater.
270
00:11:43,152 --> 00:11:45,018
Very nice work,
Mr. Hill.
271
00:11:45,054 --> 00:11:47,853
We'll make sure to have
that glazed before you go.
272
00:11:47,891 --> 00:11:48,858
Did you hear
that, Peggy?
273
00:11:48,892 --> 00:11:50,121
I'm doing it.
274
00:11:50,159 --> 00:11:52,651
I'm Fort Berk material.
275
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:00,024
Where's dinner?
276
00:12:00,069 --> 00:12:01,798
It's 3:00, Dad.
277
00:12:01,838 --> 00:12:03,135
I can't eat excuses.
278
00:12:03,172 --> 00:12:04,298
You heard from Bobby?
279
00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:05,671
Yeah, he's, uh, surviving.
280
00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:06,675
Surviving?!
281
00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:09,178
He's got too much
of you and that one
282
00:12:09,212 --> 00:12:11,237
to be surviving at Fort Berk.
283
00:12:11,281 --> 00:12:12,248
Even |
284
00:12:12,282 --> 00:12:13,249
barely survived
285
00:12:13,283 --> 00:12:16,116
and I didn't have Gas Monkey
and Sasquatch for parents.
286
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,177
I will have you know, Cotton
287
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:19,586
that Bobby
is thriving.
288
00:12:19,622 --> 00:12:22,717
We went to Fort Berk
yesterday and saw him.
289
00:12:22,759 --> 00:12:24,784
What in the name of Ned?!
290
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,922
They ain't supposed
to let you two on campus.
291
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:29,932
They are required
to by law
292
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:33,061
and we sat in on
one of his classes.
293
00:12:33,102 --> 00:12:35,503
Hank, show him
the bowl you made.
294
00:12:35,538 --> 00:12:36,505
What the...?!
295
00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:37,563
You made a bowl?
296
00:12:37,607 --> 00:12:38,574
Well, yeah.
297
00:12:38,608 --> 00:12:40,042
It's a combat bowl.
298
00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:41,202
Bobby made one, too.
299
00:12:41,244 --> 00:12:42,336
Combat bowl?
300
00:12:42,378 --> 00:12:44,210
The only bowl
he's supposed to make
301
00:12:44,247 --> 00:12:48,115
is from a hollowed-out skull.
302
00:12:57,794 --> 00:12:59,785
How you doing in there,
you poor saps?
303
00:12:59,829 --> 00:13:03,424
( Chortling )
304
00:13:03,466 --> 00:13:09,769
What the...?
305
00:13:10,273 --> 00:13:12,765
( Screaming )
306
00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:16,143
Is that all the respect
you got for me?
307
00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,409
You go and turn
my childhood home
308
00:13:18,448 --> 00:13:20,348
into a giant
sissy factory!
309
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,112
How's my grandson
supposed to toughen up
310
00:13:22,151 --> 00:13:23,050
with you candying his ass?!
311
00:13:23,086 --> 00:13:25,885
Sir, when I got here
from Antioch College...
312
00:13:25,922 --> 00:13:28,118
You're fired! Get out!
313
00:13:28,157 --> 00:13:29,215
You can't just fire me.
314
00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:30,487
Is that a fact?
315
00:13:30,526 --> 00:13:31,516
Okay, Powderpuff
316
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:36,761
I would like you to speak
to Clean Latrine Gene
317
00:13:36,799 --> 00:13:42,533
who happens to be the chairman
of your board of trustees.
318
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:44,097
General Gene Jefford?
319
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:45,164
That's right.
320
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:46,198
Uh, h-hello.
321
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,301
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
322
00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:50,073
Very well, I...
323
00:13:50,113 --> 00:13:52,445
Can I keep the
Aeron desk chair?
324
00:13:52,482 --> 00:13:53,449
Thank you, sir.
325
00:14:00,223 --> 00:14:01,713
Hey, after this
326
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,726
let's go to the mess
and get a smoothie.
327
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,756
Grandpa?
328
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:14,862
Fall in!
329
00:14:14,904 --> 00:14:19,501
The previous commander
was just as soft
330
00:14:19,542 --> 00:14:21,271
and ineffective as your parents
331
00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:24,575
and your parents are not paying
good money for that.
332
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:27,584
Now, I'm here to make sure
they get their money's worth.
333
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:29,107
With interest.
334
00:14:29,152 --> 00:14:30,085
(gasping )
335
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,712
There's going to be changes
around here
336
00:14:31,754 --> 00:14:34,121
and ain't none of you
going to like it.
337
00:14:34,157 --> 00:14:36,421
Day is night, joy is pain,
love is hate!
338
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:43,195
( Groaning )
339
00:14:43,232 --> 00:14:44,825
Good thinking, Private McFainty.
340
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:45,925
Sleep up
341
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,868
'cause starting
at 0400 hours
342
00:14:47,904 --> 00:14:50,202
you don't
gets no more.
343
00:14:50,239 --> 00:14:53,800
See you at sunrise, weakies.
344
00:15:01,451 --> 00:15:02,612
State your business.
345
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:05,178
Grandpa. Gampy. Ging-ging.
346
00:15:05,221 --> 00:15:08,782
It's Bobby here. Your Bing-Bing.
347
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,726
I ain't your Ging-ging,
and you ain'ts my Bing-bing.
348
00:15:11,761 --> 00:15:14,560
And if you think I'm giving you
special treatment, well...
349
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:16,156
you're right on target.
350
00:15:16,199 --> 00:15:17,928
Good, because I told
the fellows...
351
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:22,029
Hush, boy! I will "special treat"
you to a double dose of pain!
352
00:15:22,071 --> 00:15:24,369
Why?
353
00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:25,340
I want you
to come out
354
00:15:25,374 --> 00:15:27,001
of this cauldron
of burning hell
355
00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:29,102
the best damn cadet
you can be.
356
00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:31,637
Thanks, but you don't
have to worry about that.
357
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,616
All we really want
is the phone service back
358
00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:37,676
and the mattresses for our beds.
359
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:38,687
Quiet!
360
00:15:38,721 --> 00:15:40,382
Now, your daddy
tells me
361
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:43,188
you have a problem
raking leaves.
362
00:15:43,226 --> 00:15:44,352
Well, I guarantee
363
00:15:44,393 --> 00:15:46,657
you won't have a problem
raking leaves
364
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:50,929
after you've picked up every
leaf on this campus with...
365
00:15:50,967 --> 00:15:54,062
a fork!
366
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,068
( Screams )
367
00:16:03,146 --> 00:16:05,137
What the hell are
you doing, boy?!
368
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:08,148
'You gave me a fork,
so I figured I'd eat the leaves.
369
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:11,484
Boy, am I stuffed!
370
00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:15,458
( Chuckles ).
Just kidding, Grandpa.
371
00:16:15,491 --> 00:16:16,856
( Groans )
372
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,361
Maybe this is my fault
373
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,453
for not properly
motivating you.
374
00:16:20,496 --> 00:16:21,930
If it's food you want...
375
00:16:21,964 --> 00:16:23,864
I could eat.
376
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,026
COTTON:
You don't want to rake
377
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,796
then maybe you need more energy.
378
00:16:26,836 --> 00:16:29,567
This rotten pile of backwash
is all for you, boy.
379
00:16:29,605 --> 00:16:31,039
And you're gonna
keep shoveling it down
380
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:33,405
until it starts
coming up!
381
00:16:33,442 --> 00:16:36,070
Okay.
382
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,626
Dinner's over.
383
00:16:53,663 --> 00:16:56,724
Now I'm gonna give you
something cold for dessert.
384
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:57,733
Okay.
385
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:01,203
Anything cracks
386
00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:02,534
if you freeze it
long enough.
387
00:17:09,178 --> 00:17:10,668
How you doing,
boy?
388
00:17:11,914 --> 00:17:13,177
I'm okay.
389
00:17:13,216 --> 00:17:16,709
Mom says I'm naturally built
for winter climates.
390
00:17:16,752 --> 00:17:18,652
God dang it!
391
00:17:18,688 --> 00:17:21,817
You're going
into the hole.
392
00:17:21,857 --> 00:17:25,020
The hole's
what broke me
393
00:17:25,061 --> 00:17:27,928
and that's what's
gonna break you, too.
394
00:17:29,498 --> 00:17:32,627
Time to say good-bye, soldier.
395
00:17:32,668 --> 00:17:37,128
Go and get in your grow-up box!
396
00:17:37,173 --> 00:17:38,140
Ging-ging?
397
00:17:38,174 --> 00:17:39,232
Quit your
still-standing.
398
00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:43,769
Start running
till you hit the horizon.
399
00:17:58,527 --> 00:17:59,653
SPOONY:
See, Forky?
400
00:17:59,695 --> 00:18:01,254
I just knew
there was a better world
401
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:02,822
outside the cutlery drawer.
402
00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:04,390
( Whispers ). I wonder
what Bobby's doing now?
403
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:06,094
Probably having a bull
session in the barracks
404
00:18:06,135 --> 00:18:08,467
with his new pals.
405
00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:13,003
Bobby? Bobby, are you okay?!
406
00:18:13,042 --> 00:18:21,042
Tap once if you're okay.
407
00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:29,219
( Doorbell rings )
408
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:30,225
Oh, hey, Didi.
409
00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:31,988
I've got the new
TV Guide here
410
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,759
with all the judge shows
circled like my dad likes.
411
00:18:34,797 --> 00:18:35,764
Is he around?
412
00:18:35,798 --> 00:18:37,960
No. Cotton's
at Fort Berk.
413
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,061
What? He has temporarily
taken over the Academy.
414
00:18:41,103 --> 00:18:42,764
Oh, my God, no.
415
00:18:42,805 --> 00:18:45,206
Yes. He is ruling
with an iron fist.
416
00:18:45,241 --> 00:18:48,142
He threw Bobby in the
hole about three days ago.
417
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,507
Bwaaagh!
418
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,606
He ain't gonna be
a pretty sight, boys.
419
00:18:53,649 --> 00:18:55,617
Humpty Dumpty's done cracked
420
00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:57,619
but how we can put him
back together
421
00:18:57,653 --> 00:19:00,122
and rebuild him
as a super-cadet.
422
00:19:09,465 --> 00:19:11,729
Dad, are you crazy? Let him out.
423
00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:13,394
I was just fixing to.
424
00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:20,172
Bobby? Bobby?
425
00:19:20,209 --> 00:19:21,176
Give him some air.
426
00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:22,507
Bobby?
427
00:19:22,545 --> 00:19:24,013
Hmm?
428
00:19:24,046 --> 00:19:25,514
Hmm?
429
00:19:25,548 --> 00:19:28,574
Uh... oh.
430
00:19:28,617 --> 00:19:30,585
Hey, Dad.
431
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:35,921
( Yawning )
432
00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:38,086
Ooh.
433
00:19:38,127 --> 00:19:43,065
Well, I've tried a mattress,
I've tried cement...
434
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:46,091
I'm a mattress guy.
435
00:19:46,135 --> 00:19:47,296
( Faughing )
436
00:19:47,336 --> 00:19:48,701
Bobby,
you're okay?!
437
00:19:48,738 --> 00:19:50,706
Same 'ol, same 'ol.
438
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,568
I was merciless!
439
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,839
I dropped down on him
440
00:19:55,878 --> 00:19:58,006
like a steam trunk
full of concrete!
441
00:19:58,047 --> 00:19:59,344
HANK:
You didn't budge him
442
00:19:59,382 --> 00:20:00,543
did you?
443
00:20:00,583 --> 00:20:01,550
( Chuckles )
444
00:20:01,584 --> 00:20:03,552
I... I don't get it.
What's so funny?
445
00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:04,644
I told you it wasn't easy.
446
00:20:04,687 --> 00:20:06,655
You didn't believe me,
did you, Dad?
447
00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:09,715
( Sighs ). I guess he was
just born a pile of mush.
448
00:20:09,759 --> 00:20:11,727
Well, I guess
you could say that.
449
00:20:11,761 --> 00:20:13,422
But maybe mush
isn't all bad.
450
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,157
You can keep
stomping on it
451
00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:17,222
but it's all give;
it just stays mush.
452
00:20:17,266 --> 00:20:18,529
You can't build it up
453
00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:20,535
but you can't break it down,
either.
454
00:20:20,569 --> 00:20:23,368
In a funny way,
mush kind of has the edge.
455
00:20:23,406 --> 00:20:24,430
( Faughs )
456
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:30,276
Can you imagine that pile
of mush in the POW camps?
457
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,577
He would've driven
them Tojos crazy.
458
00:20:33,616 --> 00:20:34,606
Three days with Bobby
459
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,379
and they would've
quit the war!
460
00:20:36,419 --> 00:20:37,614
( Faughing )
461
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:41,954
I wish you could've seen
the old Fort Berk, Hank.
462
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:45,222
But I guess
those days is gone.
463
00:20:45,261 --> 00:20:47,628
You know, Colonel, all this
time I've been talking to you
464
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,791
you didn't grant me
permission to speak.
465
00:20:51,901 --> 00:20:52,868
That's right.
466
00:20:52,902 --> 00:20:54,870
That's practically
insubordination.
467
00:20:54,904 --> 00:20:57,464
'You better drop
and give me 20, boy.
468
00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:58,473
Yes, sir.
469
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,134
Two, three, four.
470
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:04,704
No, no, you're doing it
wrong, Cadet!
471
00:21:04,747 --> 00:21:06,010
Start over!
472
00:21:06,048 --> 00:21:09,382
How'd you do it,
Bobby?
473
00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:10,681
How'd you survive
the hole?
474
00:21:10,719 --> 00:21:14,155
Well, I admit, I started
getting a little worried.
475
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,182
But then I found some
inspirational graffiti
476
00:21:17,226 --> 00:21:19,627
on the wall
and it kept me going.
477
00:21:19,662 --> 00:21:25,624
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
478
00:22:06,175 --> 00:22:09,145
COTTON: What
the?! You made a bowl.
479
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:13,745
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