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00:00:10,561 --> 00:00:14,520
[Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:14,565 --> 00:00:19,059
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION]
3
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,485
( Grunts)
4
00:00:45,529 --> 00:00:47,998
Bobby Hill,
what are you doing?
5
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:50,398
I'm ironing underwater.
6
00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:52,528
Blurp, blurp, blurp.
7
00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:54,503
Don't test me, young man.
8
00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:57,007
I've failed
funnier kids than you.
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00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,439
All right, children
10
00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,567
irons down.
11
00:00:59,610 --> 00:01:01,704
With the help
of Ernie the janitor
12
00:01:01,745 --> 00:01:04,874
I have soiled each of these
cheerleader uniforms.
13
00:01:04,915 --> 00:01:08,442
Your take-home exam
is to identify and remove
14
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:09,714
the mystery stain
15
00:01:09,753 --> 00:01:12,450
and here's one
for our class clown.
16
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,355
Oh, wait, let
me give you
17
00:01:14,391 --> 00:01:17,019
some extra credit.
18
00:01:22,866 --> 00:01:25,028
If it's Monday night,
it must be
19
00:01:25,068 --> 00:01:27,162
Frito pie
with Wolf-brand chili.
20
00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:30,333
I made it just the way
you like it-- perfect.
21
00:01:31,275 --> 00:01:33,073
Come on, Bobby, it's Frito pie
22
00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:34,839
with Wolf-brand chili night.
23
00:01:34,878 --> 00:01:36,175
What the...?
24
00:01:37,147 --> 00:01:38,171
There better be
25
00:01:38,215 --> 00:01:40,912
a haked cheerleader
under your bed.
26
00:01:40,951 --> 00:01:44,512
Don't get mad, but I think
I'm going to fail Home Ec.
27
00:01:44,554 --> 00:01:45,578
Well, of course
28
00:01:45,622 --> 00:01:47,488
you're failing Home Ec--
you're a guy.
29
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:52,958
Did you know your son
is taking Home Ec?
30
00:01:52,996 --> 00:01:54,088
( Sighs)
31
00:01:54,131 --> 00:01:55,860
They got him playing
with skirts!
32
00:01:55,899 --> 00:01:58,391
If Bobby learns to cook
and clean for himself
33
00:01:58,435 --> 00:02:00,870
what's his motivation
to ever get married?
34
00:02:00,904 --> 00:02:03,999
Home Ec is not going to
turn Bobby into a sissy.
35
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,840
In prison movies, the
toughest characters
36
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,777
always work
in the kitchen.
37
00:02:10,814 --> 00:02:12,839
I wouldn't
worry, Hank.
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00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,510
When I was the, uh
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00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:17,179
varsity football
towel manager
40
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,087
I cleaned 50
jockstraps a week.
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00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,750
I turned out okay.
42
00:02:21,792 --> 00:02:23,351
( Sighs)
43
00:02:24,961 --> 00:02:26,360
Hey, man, nice shot.
44
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,160
Man, hey no,
nothing but ice.
45
00:02:28,198 --> 00:02:29,427
Oh, please.
46
00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:33,232
When I was the, uh,
varsity football towel manager
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00:02:33,270 --> 00:02:35,432
I once slang-shot
a jockstrap
48
00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:38,635
into a laundry hamper
from 50 yards away.
49
00:02:38,675 --> 00:02:42,475
Betcha a million dollars
you can't do that again.
50
00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:44,002
You're on!
51
00:02:50,454 --> 00:02:51,478
( Grunts)
52
00:02:51,521 --> 00:02:53,250
Oh!
Hah!
53
00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:54,485
'You choked.
54
00:02:54,524 --> 00:02:56,515
You owe me
a million dollars.
55
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,459
Choker!
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00:02:57,494 --> 00:02:59,792
( Choking )
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00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:00,991
( Coughing )
58
00:03:01,031 --> 00:03:02,123
Uh!
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00:03:02,165 --> 00:03:05,624
( Coughing )
60
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,535
Choker!
61
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,208
Dad says that men
install washing machines
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00:03:16,246 --> 00:03:18,146
they service
washing machines
63
00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:21,481
but they aren't supposed
to use washing machines.
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00:03:21,518 --> 00:03:22,644
Oh, please.
65
00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:24,848
There's no rule
that says only women
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00:03:24,888 --> 00:03:27,823
can do housework
and only men can have careers.
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00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,451
I can do both.
68
00:03:29,493 --> 00:03:32,758
I am what the magazines
call a superwoman.
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00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,423
I like Superwoman.
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00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:35,625
Oh, Bobby, thank you.
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00:03:35,665 --> 00:03:37,633
Now let's take a look
at your homework.
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00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:40,398
When we're done with it,
this stain is going to wish
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00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:42,667
it was still
some cheerleader's lunch.
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00:03:43,673 --> 00:03:45,903
First, you blind-side it
with pre-soak.
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00:03:45,942 --> 00:03:48,775
Then you sucker-punch it
with some hot water
76
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,144
and just when
it's begging for mercy
77
00:03:51,181 --> 00:03:54,412
you rip off its head
and pour bleach down its neck.
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00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:55,748
Finish it off, Bobby!
79
00:03:55,786 --> 00:03:58,915
Are you going to let
that stain call you a sissy?!
80
00:03:58,955 --> 00:04:01,014
No!
81
00:04:04,194 --> 00:04:06,686
I know it's not even
Thanksgiving yet
82
00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:09,427
but it feels
like Christmas morning.
83
00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,232
Well, it's full
of holes
84
00:04:13,270 --> 00:04:15,796
but you did get
the stains out...
85
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,273
mostly.
86
00:04:17,307 --> 00:04:18,797
(gasps )
87
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,037
Uh-oh.
88
00:04:20,076 --> 00:04:23,376
Bobby, these are your
father's dungarees!
89
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:24,642
( Sighs)
90
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,206
How could you, Peggy?
91
00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:29,514
Now what am I gonna carve
the turkey in�- my underwear?
92
00:04:29,553 --> 00:04:31,487
Not with an
electric knife, no sir.
93
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,754
Even world-famous surgeons
do not get it right 100% of the time.
94
00:04:35,792 --> 00:04:37,487
They make
mistakes, Hank.
95
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,653
People die.
96
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,787
We are human.
97
00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:41,855
( Sighing )
98
00:04:45,769 --> 00:04:48,761
Ms. Bittner,
I'm not going to lie to you.
99
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:52,298
I don't think I heard one thing
you've said all year
100
00:04:52,342 --> 00:04:55,243
especially whatever
you said about bleach.
101
00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:58,248
Can you help me fix
my dad's pants?
102
00:04:58,281 --> 00:05:00,773
He can't wear one of
your clever jokes?
103
00:05:00,817 --> 00:05:05,414
Please, Ms. Bittner, I've never
asked for anything from you
104
00:05:05,455 --> 00:05:07,287
except more sugar.
105
00:05:12,829 --> 00:05:15,025
Ooh, fancy!
106
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,363
Hey, Hank, how's it
going at the bank?
107
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,528
How the hell
should I know?
108
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,038
On a related
fiscal note, Bill
109
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,370
where's the million
bucks you owe me?
110
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,239
Oh, right, Dale, yeah.
111
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:29,642
Suitable for framing.
112
00:05:29,679 --> 00:05:32,808
There you go�
$1 million!
113
00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:36,683
I guess I'll have to sell
my private island
114
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,087
in the South Pacific, huh?
115
00:05:39,122 --> 00:05:41,022
You never go anyway.
116
00:05:43,026 --> 00:05:46,826
Dad, would you like to wear
jeans to work today?
117
00:05:46,863 --> 00:05:48,194
You know I would.
118
00:05:48,231 --> 00:05:50,256
Look what I got!
119
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,496
I got a bolt of denim
from Ms. Bittner.
120
00:05:52,536 --> 00:05:55,506
I used your old jeans
as a pattern and I fired up
121
00:05:55,539 --> 00:05:56,904
Mom's sewing machine.
122
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,101
My sewing machine?
123
00:05:58,141 --> 00:06:01,475
No, it can't make seams
this straight.
124
00:06:02,679 --> 00:06:05,614
Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt
to try them on.
125
00:06:11,821 --> 00:06:13,550
Well, all right, Bobby!
126
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,887
They're perfect.
127
00:06:15,759 --> 00:06:17,227
I mean, they're
a little stiff
128
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,957
but after I break 'em in
for a couple years
129
00:06:19,996 --> 00:06:21,259
they'll be perfect.
130
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,233
Hang on, I picked up
a little trick in Home Ec.
131
00:06:24,267 --> 00:06:25,701
I hope you don't mind--
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00:06:25,735 --> 00:06:28,466
I borrowed
your power sander.
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00:06:28,505 --> 00:06:29,836
( Chuckling )
134
00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:31,568
Peggy, he's right.
135
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:34,134
I can feel
the denim loosening up.
136
00:06:34,177 --> 00:06:36,305
I'm glad you ruined my jeans.
137
00:06:36,346 --> 00:06:38,405
Bobby's made them
even better.
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00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:40,416
( Chuckling )
139
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:46,580
Bobby, eight hours
and no chafing!
140
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:49,320
I know what
I'm leading off with
141
00:06:49,359 --> 00:06:50,918
in my Thanksgiving prayer.
142
00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:52,827
...three, two, one, mark!
143
00:06:52,862 --> 00:06:54,193
Buns in the oven!
144
00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:57,495
Oh, then you're not
just sewing in Home Ec--
145
00:06:57,534 --> 00:06:59,195
They've got you
cooking too, huh?
146
00:06:59,235 --> 00:07:01,033
I hope you don't mind
147
00:07:01,071 --> 00:07:02,596
but I opened a bottle of
your wedding wine
148
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,198
to marinate my pot roast.
149
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,732
Well, just make sure
when you're done playing
150
00:07:06,776 --> 00:07:08,608
your mother has
her kitchen back.
151
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:12,104
It's Tuesday night
pork chops, you know.
152
00:07:12,148 --> 00:07:14,014
Yes, Bobby,
I can handle the heat
153
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,779
so get out of my kitchen,
because with pork
154
00:07:15,819 --> 00:07:18,789
the slightest mistake
could kill us all.
155
00:07:23,727 --> 00:07:26,856
I'd like to cash this
for cash.
156
00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:28,523
A thousand thousands
will be fine.
157
00:07:28,565 --> 00:07:31,933
Most of the million dollar
checks we see are jokes.
158
00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:34,198
Your job sounds fun.
159
00:07:34,237 --> 00:07:42,237
I'm sorry, Mr. Dauterive
only has $418.75.
160
00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:46,806
Okay, then give me
400 Sacagawea coins
161
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:48,409
18 Susan B. Anthonys
162
00:07:48,451 --> 00:07:52,410
two North Carolina quarters
and a Utah.
163
00:08:00,964 --> 00:08:06,562
Yep... tastes
like Tuesday.
164
00:08:06,603 --> 00:08:09,231
Thank you, Hank.
165
00:08:09,272 --> 00:08:10,762
Say, that smells
pretty good.
166
00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,241
Thanks, Dad.
167
00:08:12,275 --> 00:08:13,674
Could you sign this form
168
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:16,680
saying I cooked it myself
and that it tasted okay?
169
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,238
Yeah, I'll help you
with your homework.
170
00:08:18,281 --> 00:08:21,945
Hank, you will spoil
your appetite.
171
00:08:21,985 --> 00:08:24,579
Mm, no, no, it's okay.
172
00:08:24,621 --> 00:08:28,080
Let's eat Bobby's
pot roast how
173
00:08:28,124 --> 00:08:30,092
while it's still juicy.
174
00:08:30,126 --> 00:08:32,094
Your pork chops will be
just as good tomorrow.
175
00:08:32,128 --> 00:08:33,687
No, no, no.
176
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,528
Wednesday is
spa-Peggy and meatballs day.
177
00:08:35,565 --> 00:08:37,795
You can't have pork chops
on Wednesday.
178
00:08:37,834 --> 00:08:39,302
That would throw off
the whole rotation.
179
00:08:39,335 --> 00:08:43,033
( Chuckling ):
Wednesday.
180
00:08:43,073 --> 00:08:45,007
You would not have
believed it, Nancy.
181
00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:46,941
He ate
that pot roast like...
182
00:08:46,976 --> 00:08:48,944
like it was
my pork chops
183
00:08:48,978 --> 00:08:51,208
and my pork chops
were sitting right there!
184
00:08:51,247 --> 00:08:54,512
What you need, sug,
is an unfair advantage.
185
00:08:54,551 --> 00:08:57,418
It's the library's, so try
not to get anything on it.
186
00:08:57,454 --> 00:09:00,583
A homemaking magazine?
187
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:03,320
Oh, no, no thank you,
I have never needed to...
188
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:06,454
Well, that is the most beautiful
Thanksgiving centerpiece
189
00:09:06,496 --> 00:09:13,926
I have ever seen.
190
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,233
Hey, Peggy.
191
00:09:15,271 --> 00:09:18,138
Uh, why's the table
covered with yard waste?
192
00:09:18,174 --> 00:09:20,108
Hank, it is not yard waste.
193
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,134
Or it will not be
when I get through with it.
194
00:09:22,178 --> 00:09:25,409
It will be our new stunning
Thanksgiving centerpiece--
195
00:09:25,448 --> 00:09:28,315
Made entirely of yard waste!
196
00:09:28,351 --> 00:09:30,149
Ew, don't touch it, Bobby.
197
00:09:30,186 --> 00:09:31,950
Those nests could be
full of fleas and ticks.
198
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,184
Not if you take the birds out.
199
00:09:34,224 --> 00:09:38,024
They'll build
another nest.
200
00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:40,223
They're not just going to let
their eggs
201
00:09:40,263 --> 00:09:43,665
sit there on the sidewalk.
202
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,109
( Grunting in pain )
203
00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:57,409
Okay, Ernst is done
removing the parasites
204
00:09:57,447 --> 00:09:58,846
but he cannot comb out
205
00:09:58,882 --> 00:10:01,476
the dark sadness
that entangles you.
206
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:02,815
What's up with that?
207
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,581
Ernst, imagine
208
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:07,090
if the man you loved
found someone else
209
00:10:07,123 --> 00:10:09,490
to cook for him,
and clean for him
210
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,960
and make his pants.
211
00:10:10,994 --> 00:10:13,861
Who is this other woman?
212
00:10:13,897 --> 00:10:15,831
The other woman is my son.
213
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,095
He may be getting
an Ain Home Ec
214
00:10:18,134 --> 00:10:20,000
but at what cost, huh?
215
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:22,528
At what cost to me?
216
00:10:22,572 --> 00:10:24,233
Cooking and cleaning
and sewing...
217
00:10:24,274 --> 00:10:26,743
I did not hear you
mention the boudoir.
218
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:30,542
I can think of many things
to be done there for Hank.
219
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:33,174
Well, I am
an excellent lover.
220
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:36,652
And Ernst is an excellent
hair stylist.
221
00:10:36,686 --> 00:10:38,916
Together let us
take your husband places
222
00:10:38,955 --> 00:10:46,955
from our wildest dreams!
223
00:10:48,598 --> 00:10:50,930
Sorry, sir, but you have
more food than money.
224
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:53,402
Okay, I don't need
cling wrap.
225
00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:55,962
This is my whole
Thanksgiving dinner
226
00:10:56,005 --> 00:10:57,234
and who am I kidding
227
00:10:57,273 --> 00:11:00,971
there aren't going to be
any leftovers!
228
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:02,000
( Chuckling )
229
00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:04,878
Um, you're still over.
230
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,212
Oh.
231
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,513
But, but...
232
00:11:08,551 --> 00:11:10,576
you can't take my turkey.
233
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:13,646
( Sighs)
234
00:11:13,690 --> 00:11:15,658
Still over.
235
00:11:27,237 --> 00:11:29,706
This circular saw cozy
fits great, son
236
00:11:29,739 --> 00:11:31,730
but can we call it
something else?
237
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,505
Hey, how about
a circular saw buddy?
238
00:11:34,544 --> 00:11:36,638
'You hame it
and I'll knit it!
239
00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,239
Hey, Peggy!
240
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,979
Bobby made me
a circular saw buddy.
241
00:11:42,018 --> 00:11:44,112
Whoa, your hair looks great.
242
00:11:44,153 --> 00:11:46,121
It's so big.
243
00:11:46,155 --> 00:11:47,953
Well, I hope it's not too tall
244
00:11:47,991 --> 00:11:50,426
to get through
the bedroom door, Hank.
245
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,929
Well, the doorway's got
a seven-foot clearance.
246
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,623
BOBBY:
Dinner!
247
00:11:54,664 --> 00:11:54,789
Dinner?
248
00:11:54,831 --> 00:11:58,199
When it got to be 5.00
and you weren't home
249
00:11:58,234 --> 00:12:00,032
I asked Bobby
to whip something up.
250
00:12:00,069 --> 00:12:01,503
Well, that's a good idea.
251
00:12:01,537 --> 00:12:02,629
The sooner we eat
252
00:12:02,672 --> 00:12:07,109
the sooner we can
get to... dessert.
253
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,542
( Suggestive grow! )
254
00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:11,445
I think Bobby made pie.
255
00:12:15,585 --> 00:12:18,282
Ugh, I probably should've
stopped at seconds.
256
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,722
I'm not usually
a big fan of cheese
257
00:12:20,757 --> 00:12:23,783
but boy, the things
Bobby does with it...
258
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:27,490
I have an idea how we can
burn off some calories, Hank.
259
00:12:27,530 --> 00:12:28,861
{ nauseated groan )
260
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:30,229
What's wrong?
261
00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:31,995
Is Bobby's cooking
coming up on you?
262
00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:34,834
I think it's all that
beauty stuff in your hair.
263
00:12:34,871 --> 00:12:38,865
It kind of has
that new car smell.
264
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:44,441
Boy, that cheese! Mm!
265
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:51,819
( Retching and coughing )
266
00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:03,157
Hank, what is going on?
267
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,724
( Coughing )
268
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:07,668
The fumes coming off your hair
keep waking me up.
269
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,696
You don't smell like
a new car.
270
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:14,370
I just said that
to make you feel better.
271
00:13:15,778 --> 00:13:18,372
Bobby, put away your robot
and go to bed.
272
00:13:18,414 --> 00:13:21,179
I need the couch.
273
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,946
Your father's feeling ill.
274
00:13:22,986 --> 00:13:24,954
I think it was
something he ate.
275
00:13:24,988 --> 00:13:26,581
Why don't you just
take my bed?
276
00:13:26,622 --> 00:13:28,454
I've got a lot of work
to do out here.
277
00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:32,985
Agh! Was this ever
an outdoor couch?
278
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:34,292
Okay, fine,
I will sleep in your bed
279
00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:36,298
right under your booger wall.
280
00:13:36,332 --> 00:13:42,897
I thought I heard
an upholstery shampooer.
281
00:13:42,939 --> 00:13:45,067
Maybe you could use that thing
to get the smell
282
00:13:45,108 --> 00:13:47,406
out of your mother's side
of the bed.
283
00:13:47,443 --> 00:13:48,410
Have you seen her?
284
00:13:48,444 --> 00:13:50,310
She was looking for
a place to sleep
285
00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:52,178
so I let her have my bed.
286
00:13:52,215 --> 00:13:54,047
Well, where are
you going to sleep?
287
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,051
I'll just crash on the couch.
288
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,211
It's still a little wet
289
00:13:57,253 --> 00:14:00,188
but it gives me an excuse
to sleep in my poncho.
290
00:14:00,223 --> 00:14:02,055
No, no, your mother's bed
is empty.
291
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,526
Why don't you just bunk
with me in the big bedroom?
292
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,688
I'll make caramel popcorn!
293
00:14:06,729 --> 00:14:08,094
I'll turn on the TV.
294
00:14:08,131 --> 00:14:09,599
It's such a clear night
295
00:14:09,632 --> 00:14:11,930
we might be able to pick up
the news from San Antonio.
296
00:14:11,968 --> 00:14:14,437
Their sports guy played for
the Otters for a year.
297
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:19,931
I didn't know your bed
was made of two little beds.
298
00:14:19,976 --> 00:14:22,411
Well, your mother
likes her mattress firm
299
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,970
and I like mine
extra firm.
300
00:14:24,013 --> 00:14:27,005
So I guess it's true,
opposites attract.
301
00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:29,314
Check it out--
the weather girl
302
00:14:29,352 --> 00:14:31,480
is looking at
the wrong camera.
303
00:14:31,521 --> 00:14:32,989
( Patronizing laugh )
304
00:14:33,022 --> 00:14:34,512
San Antonio.
305
00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:36,821
And it's going
to rain tomorrow.
306
00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:40,693
( Faughter)
307
00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:42,425
Why would anyone
live there?
308
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,230
'You know who'd
get a kick out of this?
309
00:14:45,268 --> 00:14:47,703
Ladybird!
310
00:14:47,737 --> 00:14:50,604
Come here, girl!
311
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,200
( Sobbing )
312
00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:08,955
HANK:
That Miss Piggy balloon
313
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:14,691
has the same hairdo
as your mother.
314
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:16,425
Hey, Peggy.
315
00:15:16,466 --> 00:15:19,026
Well, maybe for you it is.
316
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:22,527
Oh, I was expecting you to say,
"Good morning."
317
00:15:22,572 --> 00:15:23,733
So...
318
00:15:23,773 --> 00:15:25,434
did you sleep well?
319
00:15:25,475 --> 00:15:26,943
Not really.
320
00:15:26,976 --> 00:15:28,501
Bobby and I were up
all night talking...
321
00:15:28,544 --> 00:15:31,104
really, really talking.
322
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:38,713
( Muffled scream)
323
00:15:42,091 --> 00:15:45,789
(gasps )
324
00:15:46,596 --> 00:15:48,291
So, that's where it went.
325
00:15:48,331 --> 00:15:49,856
Perfect!
326
00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:51,833
Hank, come in here, quick!
327
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,996
Look what I found
in Bobby's bed.
328
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,801
Mm-hmm, it's a
ladies' magazine
329
00:15:56,839 --> 00:15:58,204
and that is
not my opinion.
330
00:15:58,241 --> 00:16:00,471
It says so right
in the title.
331
00:16:00,510 --> 00:16:02,069
'You were right
about Home Ec, Hank--
332
00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:03,545
It's ruining Bobby.
333
00:16:03,579 --> 00:16:06,344
Every perfume ad has been
scratched and sniffed
334
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,872
and his horoscope says
335
00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:09,442
that this is a
good week for him
336
00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:11,510
to meet the man
of his dreams.
337
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,579
If you ask me, Hank,
that boy ain't right.
338
00:16:13,623 --> 00:16:18,459
Bobby, get in here. Now.
339
00:16:18,494 --> 00:16:19,655
What's up, Dad?
340
00:16:19,695 --> 00:16:22,892
Son, do you think
you could make
341
00:16:22,932 --> 00:16:24,866
this buttermilk-
basted turkey?
342
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:28,769
Well, that recipe
takes 24 hours.
343
00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:34,140
Good thing I started on it
last night.
344
00:16:34,177 --> 00:16:36,043
( Chuckling )
345
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,409
I just thought
you were getting up
346
00:16:37,446 --> 00:16:39,278
to use the bathroom a lot.
347
00:16:39,315 --> 00:16:40,305
You know what?
348
00:16:40,349 --> 00:16:42,374
Let's have Bobby
handle the whole meal.
349
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,819
What?!
But-but every year I...
350
00:16:44,854 --> 00:16:48,290
This year the only thing
you have to do is get hungry.
351
00:16:48,324 --> 00:16:50,122
Just kick back on the couch
352
00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:52,355
now that it's fit to sit on.
353
00:16:52,395 --> 00:16:53,692
BOBBY:
Oh, Dad...
354
00:16:53,729 --> 00:16:54,924
where's the turkey platter?
355
00:16:54,964 --> 00:16:56,762
I want to start
on the radish roses.
356
00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:58,233
It's in the garage,
in a box marked:
357
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,793
"winter holiday poultry
serving dishes."
358
00:17:00,836 --> 00:17:02,270
Here, I'll help you
find it.
359
00:17:02,305 --> 00:17:05,707
Mom, you mind
popping my bird in?
360
00:17:05,741 --> 00:17:07,436
Don't worry, the racks are set
361
00:17:07,476 --> 00:17:10,036
and the oven's
already preheated.
362
00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:12,639
It's idiot-proof.
363
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:27,253
They do not deserve us.
364
00:17:33,369 --> 00:17:37,067
Oh... boxed in!
365
00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:43,902
Did I fix my roof
in the last few days?
366
00:17:43,946 --> 00:17:46,881
Well, it still looks
pretty bad, so maybe.
367
00:17:46,916 --> 00:17:48,213
Why?
368
00:17:48,251 --> 00:17:50,015
I can't buy any
Thanksgiving food
369
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:51,611
because my bank account is empty
370
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,021
and... and I can't remember
what I spent it on.
371
00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:57,048
It's empty because I
cashed your check, Bill
372
00:17:57,093 --> 00:17:59,960
which did not clear for
the full million dollars.
373
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,931
But that check was a joke,
just like the bet.
374
00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:05,024
It was a joke--
I laughed.
375
00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:07,297
We had a legitimate
oral contract
376
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,361
entered into fully and freely
377
00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:11,339
when I said, "Betcha"
378
00:18:11,374 --> 00:18:14,366
and you said, and I
quote, "You're on."
379
00:18:14,410 --> 00:18:16,378
Dale, stop talking
like a lawyer
380
00:18:16,412 --> 00:18:18,380
and give Bill his money back.
381
00:18:18,414 --> 00:18:19,472
What's the point?
382
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:20,641
Bill would
probably just go
383
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:25,814
and spend it on something
stupid, like himself.
384
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,579
Peggy?
385
00:18:56,619 --> 00:19:00,078
Oh, I see my haircut
was a success!
386
00:19:00,122 --> 00:19:04,059
Your Hank, he ravaged
you last night, yes?
387
00:19:04,093 --> 00:19:06,562
Tell me, what did
you do to him?
388
00:19:06,595 --> 00:19:08,859
I stole his turkey
is what I did.
389
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:15,031
I would rather share it
with a man who needs me
390
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,870
a man who is also alone
on Thanksgiving
391
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,602
because of the stigma
society attaches
392
00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:22,668
to his unconventional
sexual appetites.
393
00:19:22,712 --> 00:19:25,579
Get in here,
you drama queen.
394
00:19:25,614 --> 00:19:28,914
Tell me, tell me, who
is this mystery man?
395
00:19:28,951 --> 00:19:31,215
Who the hell is she?
396
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:35,417
Peggy Hill,
this is my wife Claudia
397
00:19:35,458 --> 00:19:37,449
and my little angel Brett.
398
00:19:37,493 --> 00:19:42,055
You have a family
that loves you?
399
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:47,195
(crying)
400
00:19:48,037 --> 00:19:50,335
( Phone rings )
401
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,838
Hank Hill.
Happy Thanksgiving.
402
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:55,572
ERNST ( on phone ).
Hank, this is Ernst.
403
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:56,908
I hope you're sitting down
404
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,381
for the bombshell
I am about to drop.
405
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,440
Last chance to sit.
406
00:20:01,484 --> 00:20:03,213
Is this about the smell
in Peggy's hair?
407
00:20:03,252 --> 00:20:05,619
This is not about some smell
that you are imagining.
408
00:20:05,654 --> 00:20:07,520
Peggy is here with your turkey.
409
00:20:07,556 --> 00:20:09,820
They are both
bruised and broken.
410
00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:11,884
HANK:
Son of a gun!
411
00:20:11,927 --> 00:20:14,521
Your mother took the turkey and
ran off to her hairdresser's.
412
00:20:14,563 --> 00:20:16,895
You have made her
413
00:20:16,932 --> 00:20:19,162
feel useless in her own house.
414
00:20:19,201 --> 00:20:20,965
Now she is at my house
415
00:20:21,003 --> 00:20:23,904
laying face down in a puddle
of her own self-esteem.
416
00:20:23,939 --> 00:20:26,101
Pull her out before she drowns!
417
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,543
I breast-fed my Bobby.
418
00:20:28,577 --> 00:20:30,306
Big mistake.
419
00:20:30,346 --> 00:20:32,906
( Hank sighs )
420
00:20:33,516 --> 00:20:34,642
Bobby...
421
00:20:34,683 --> 00:20:35,878
I need you to do two things
422
00:20:35,918 --> 00:20:38,080
I pray you'll
never have to do again.
423
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,589
Tape the Cowboys' game
424
00:20:40,623 --> 00:20:43,251
and give me an apron.
425
00:20:52,535 --> 00:20:54,060
Hello, Peggy.
426
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:56,401
I'm sorry I'm so
under dressed, Hank.
427
00:20:56,439 --> 00:20:58,965
I see you and Bobby
decided to go formal.
428
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:01,033
No, I sent Bobby
to the neighbors
429
00:21:01,076 --> 00:21:04,273
but first, we whipped up
some of our favorite dishes.
430
00:21:04,313 --> 00:21:08,147
Happy Thanksgiving!
431
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:09,845
Fried pork chops?
432
00:21:09,885 --> 00:21:12,252
Frito pie with Wolf-brand chili?
433
00:21:12,288 --> 00:21:14,757
Spa-Peggy with meatballs?
434
00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:15,814
And a half a bottle
435
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,792
of our wedding wine.
436
00:21:17,827 --> 00:21:20,228
You don't even need me
to make spa-Peggy?
437
00:21:20,262 --> 00:21:21,661
Nope, I guess not
438
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,358
but that's okay.
439
00:21:23,399 --> 00:21:24,560
I didn't marry you
440
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,035
because I need someone
to cook and clean for me.
441
00:21:27,069 --> 00:21:30,471
I married you because...
you know...
442
00:21:30,506 --> 00:21:34,534
you know...
443
00:21:34,577 --> 00:21:36,568
The love.
444
00:21:36,612 --> 00:21:39,479
Oh, Hank!
445
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,540
Mmm, your hair smells
much better now.
446
00:21:41,584 --> 00:21:43,143
Like stuffing.
447
00:21:43,185 --> 00:21:46,416
[Captioned by the Media
Access Group at WGBH]
448
00:21:51,093 --> 00:21:54,654
loud munching )
449
00:21:54,697 --> 00:21:58,634
Bobby, this is the best
Thanksgiving dinner I ever had.
450
00:21:58,667 --> 00:22:01,864
Ooh-hoo-ooh,
let's do the wishbone!
451
00:22:01,904 --> 00:22:04,635
This is for a million dollars.
452
00:22:04,673 --> 00:22:05,936
( Faughing )
453
00:22:05,975 --> 00:22:07,739
Okay.
454
00:22:07,776 --> 00:22:10,245
I won! I won!
455
00:22:10,279 --> 00:22:12,407
'You owe me a million dollars!
456
00:22:12,448 --> 00:22:13,381
DALE:
Correction:
457
00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:16,282
'You owe me a million dollars.
458
00:22:16,318 --> 00:22:19,777
I'm so sorry, Bobby,
he made me do it!
459
00:22:19,822 --> 00:22:21,586
It was all a setup.
460
00:22:21,624 --> 00:22:22,955
{ Bill crying)
461
00:22:22,992 --> 00:22:25,518
HANK:
Boy, that cheese. Mm.
462
00:22:25,568 --> 00:22:30,118
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