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1
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,964
""Russian hand-cranked flashlight""?
2
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:43,770
Nancy Drew books?
What kind of hardware store is this?
3
00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:46,705
Dad! The world's best hammer!
4
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,982
Sears already sold me
the world's best hammer...
5
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,778
so someone's lying.
6
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:54,276
[Cash register beeping]
7
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:57,049
I say we just get him a gift certificate.
8
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:58,647
That's a great idea, Bobby.
9
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:02,091
We will give your father,
who worked so hard to conceive you...
10
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:05,631
the same thing we give the paperboy,
who did nothing.
11
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,462
I'm lucky. Cotton is so easy to shop for.
12
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,901
Either he likes what I get him
and he's happy...
13
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:15,031
or he hates it and he shoots it
and he's happy.
14
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,870
It's the first Christmas dinner
in my new apartment...
15
00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:22,106
so you better bring a Christmas gift,
a housewarming gift...
16
00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:24,080
and a chair if you want to sit.
17
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,448
No problem. I've got some that fold.
18
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,316
Now, how about I buy you an ornament?
19
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,287
A ""Peace""?
You would like that, you draft dodger!
20
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:35,054
Sure you can't find one
with a flag burning on it?
21
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:37,686
It's Jesus peace, not hippie peace.
22
00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:40,357
Either way,
we've always been a ""Joy"" family.
23
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:41,798
-But--
-Joy!
24
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,197
[Beeping]
25
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:47,161
I gotta go, Dad.
26
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:50,003
There's a propane emergency
at the police station.
27
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,078
Oh, everyone out of the way.
28
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,544
The assistant lackey's on the move.
29
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:56,046
Never been promoted.
30
00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:58,709
I'm proud to serve as assistant manager...
31
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:01,582
and Buck will promote me
when I'm good and ready.
32
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:08,188
Hank Hill, Strickland Propane,
responding to the propane emergency.
33
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,861
There's your emergency.
34
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:12,954
HANK: Mr. Strickland?
35
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,028
How did you get locked in there?
36
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,898
DWl, Hank.
37
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,561
Blew a 0.2.
38
00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:21,333
It was just a couple of....
Three, three eggnogs.
39
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:24,672
Hell, that shouldn't count,
seeing as how it's Christmas and all.
40
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:27,905
But why would you call in
a false propane emergency?
41
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:31,450
We're looking at a $50 fine
once I report us.
42
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:34,349
Well, I needed a sober ride, Hank.
43
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,580
They took away my license.
44
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:41,757
Who wants to buy propane
from some no-license castrato?
45
00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:45,353
Tell you what, sir.
Why don't you let me drive you around?
46
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:48,593
I like to drive, you like to sit.
Everybody wins.
47
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:54,163
You drive nice, Hank.
48
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:56,640
I pretend the gas pedal's an egg.
49
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,432
Pull over.
50
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,309
Now I remember
where I was going last night.
51
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:07,180
Yep. Douglas makes a good fir.
52
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:16,089
-This is your tree.
-She's a beaut, Hank.
53
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,996
How are you fixed for ornaments?
54
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:23,468
""Peace,"" huh?
55
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,068
Thanks again for the tree, Mr. Strickland.
56
00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:31,803
Of course, in a way,
every year you buy me a tree.
57
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:32,878
[Laughing]
58
00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:35,473
You know, the paychecks.
59
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,743
No, it's the least I can do.
60
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:40,444
You may be driving me all over creation.
61
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,521
The judge says
I ain't getting my license back...
62
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,556
till I do my community service.
63
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:46,955
Gotta build some house for Jimmy Carter.
64
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:50,290
You get to build
a Habitat for Humanity house...
65
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,693
for driving drunk?
66
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,733
I've been on the waiting list for two years.
67
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,500
I tell you what, Old Top.
68
00:03:57,604 --> 00:04:02,303
How would you like it if I made you
assistant manager of building this house?
69
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:03,773
You mean it?
70
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:07,311
-Well, thank you, sir.
-[Laughing] No, I thank you.
71
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:13,214
And, long story short, Mr. Strickland
tells me I can build the house.
72
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:14,843
He did not!
73
00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:17,388
He did, Bill. Why would I make it up?
74
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,916
I don't know.
Sometimes I lie to get attention.
75
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,619
-You want to help me or not?
-Yeah, man.
76
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,527
-Yeah!
-Wingo!
77
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:28,863
I'd like to volunteer
to be in charge of booby traps.
78
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:32,199
-There will be no booby traps, Dale.
-What?
79
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:35,505
Oh, right. Got you, Hank.
80
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,607
No booby traps.
81
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,947
Groundbreaking's day after tomorrow.
82
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:45,074
I wish I could go to bed right now
and wake up in two days...
83
00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:46,708
with a shovel in my hand.
84
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:48,787
-Mom!
-Shovel for Christmas.
85
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,913
You know what? I'm too excited to eat.
86
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,824
I think I'll grab one of my shovels
and practice on Bill's yard.
87
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,155
[Doorbell ringing]
88
00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:01,695
Come on, Hank.
Let's go shoot us a Christmas tree.
89
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,601
Well, Dad, you know how much I love
to yell, ""Ready, aim, timber""...
90
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:08,731
but this year
Mr. Strickland bought me a tree.
91
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,402
But we always....
92
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:17,506
Only a man with a narrow urethra
would think that skinny stick was a tree.
93
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:23,019
Too bad we can't get Dad
a new dad for Christmas.
94
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:24,419
Or can we?
95
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:28,717
Bobby, I have turned your terrible idea
into a brilliant one.
96
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,826
The best present for your father...
97
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,364
would be
a healthy relationship with his father...
98
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:36,367
one where they can express
their real feelings for each other.
99
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:39,905
And, conveniently,
I can get the same thing for Cotton.
100
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:43,167
Didi gets her bath gel like always,
and I'm done.
101
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,975
-Can I put my name on it?
-I'll put your name on it.
102
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:48,809
[Grunting]
103
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:53,379
Hank, why don't you invite
your father to the groundbreaking?
104
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:55,716
Because I already know his answer.
105
00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,847
No, followed by an insult.
106
00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,891
Oh, so now you're a psychic.
107
00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:02,893
Oh, Cotton,
Hank has something to tell you.
108
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:05,197
Did you see that coming?
109
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:10,258
Dad, if you're not
doing anything Thursday...
110
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,667
well, we're having
this groundbreaking ceremony...
111
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:17,004
-for this house I'm building for charity.
-Charity?
112
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:20,045
Only Charity I care about
dances in a G-string.
113
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:21,943
And I'm spending the day with her.
114
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,449
Well, it's just, you know,
you spent my birthday with her.
115
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,109
I thought maybe....
116
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,915
But.... Okay.
117
00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:35,459
Okay, I'll go. You win.
118
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,056
If I wanted to see a big baby cry...
119
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:40,598
I'd go home to my baby, crybaby.
120
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,199
[Drilling]
121
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,267
HANK: Okay, I've put together a schedule...
122
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,208
which gives us four days
to finish this house.
123
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:55,041
The frame's a prefab,
so we could build it in two...
124
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:58,117
but let's take four and really enjoy it.
125
00:06:58,217 --> 00:07:00,276
Since we're starting from scratch...
126
00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:04,823
why don't we make it a dream house
and put the toilet in the living room?
127
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,956
Oh, Cotton, I am so glad you're here.
128
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:11,086
If Hank asked me one more time...
129
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,722
""Where's Cotton?
Where's Cotton? Where's....""
130
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:15,596
Well, here's Cotton!
131
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,293
Brought my bayonet.
132
00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:19,871
Figured if it was
good enough to kill 50 men...
133
00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:22,031
it's good enough to slice some dry wall.
134
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:23,403
Well, gosh, Dad.
135
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:26,342
I know you were saving that
for when they unfroze Hitler.
136
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,970
-Yeah, well, l--
-Hey, Buck.
137
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,640
I saved the best nail pouch for you.
138
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:34,509
So, this is gonna be Arlen Pines.
139
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,350
Didn't recognize the place
without all the tombstones.
140
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,087
[Grunting]
141
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,025
Hey, hey! Hey!
Them people are stealing your tools!
142
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,759
Oh, that's Alla and Niefko Lubecki.
143
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,160
You're building this house for them.
I know they'd love to meet you.
144
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,870
And don't worry, sir.
You'll be back behind the wheel...
145
00:07:56,976 --> 00:08:00,139
as soon as I finish
repaying your debt to society.
146
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:03,941
Thanks, Hank. You really pulled
my eggs out the frying pan.
147
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:07,508
All right, listen, people.
I got a announcement to make.
148
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,145
I'm not one to give credit
where credit is due...
149
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:13,157
but doggone it,
this time I just can't help myself.
150
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:17,593
Hank Hill has been my assistant manager
for 20 years.
151
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:22,263
In all that time I've had two wives,
dozens of mistresses...
152
00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:24,996
five heart valves, three plastic, two pig...
153
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:27,436
but I only needed one Hank.
154
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,937
Merry Christmas, Hank.
155
00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:32,806
I'm promoting you to manager.
156
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:35,945
Manager?
157
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:39,008
Mr. Strickland, l....
158
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,852
I love you.
159
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,883
[All gasping]
160
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:48,385
[Grunting]
161
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:56,124
Why did Dad have to act like a woman
in front of Grandpa?
162
00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:57,964
Grandpa hates women.
163
00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:01,130
Your father is going out of his way
to ruin his Christmas present...
164
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,368
so we will have to go out of our way
to save it.
165
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,539
We will make a photo calendar...
166
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:11,913
each and every month a reminder
of their special father-son bond.
167
00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:14,149
Not happy.
168
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,084
Not happy.
169
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:19,856
Can't even find one picture
where they're both happy.
170
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:24,725
Wait. If you splice Grandpa's head
over yours in the wedding photo...
171
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:28,161
it'll look like Dad and Grandpa
are shaking hands.
172
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,665
And we'll put it on a mug.
173
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,338
[All laughing]
174
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:37,438
Hey, Hank. We started without you.
175
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,577
-Dang old Hank and Buck, man, that old--
-Now you've gone too far.
176
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,114
Cement is permanent.
177
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:45,149
As permanent as your love?
178
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,377
Shut up, Dale!
179
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,782
-ls okay?
-No.
180
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,720
Is not okay, Niefko.
181
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,519
My boss demoted me.
182
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,920
I was a manager for 10 seconds...
183
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:59,725
and all I managed to do was
blurt my guts out like a mental patient.
184
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:02,429
I don't know where this stuff comes from.
185
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,400
Something must be wrong with me.
186
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,837
Niefko see.
187
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,840
Bad to say those things
one man to other man.
188
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:12,610
But still, you much to be lucky for.
189
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:15,579
Texas, USA, police no break down doors...
190
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:18,411
say, ""Come to Army now! Now you shot! ""
191
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:21,179
Here, kids walk to school. Is good school.
192
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,687
God bless you,
builders of house and driveway.
193
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,188
God bless America.
194
00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,552
[All cheering]
195
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,006
Harley Davidson.
196
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,275
I think so, too, Niefko.
197
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:55,551
Who would like a hot cup of love?
198
00:10:56,355 --> 00:10:57,344
[Phone ringing]
199
00:10:57,456 --> 00:10:59,424
HANK: Peggy, telephone.
200
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,087
I got it.
201
00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,182
Hello?
202
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,489
Well, hello, Mrs, Stricklaid,
203
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:06,365
[Sighing] Hi, Dad.
204
00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:09,730
I'm just calling to say
you ain't welcome to Christmas dinner.
205
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,063
Good day.
206
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,670
My dad uninvited me for Christmas.
207
00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:16,764
Oh, Hank.
208
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:20,039
Honey, why don't you call him back
and tell him how that makes you feel?
209
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,670
Absolutely not.
210
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,646
You saw what happened when l...
211
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:26,581
emoted all over Buck.
212
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,084
No, no. It'll be okay.
213
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:33,055
We'll just have Christmas dinner
with the Niefkos over at their new house.
214
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,288
Yep. It'll be a great new tradition.
215
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,926
Christmas with the Niefkos.
216
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,365
Didi, we are the wives
of stubborn, stubborn men.
217
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:48,838
They are lucky to have us, aren't they?
218
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:50,875
What do you want, Peggy?
219
00:11:51,977 --> 00:11:54,912
I want Cotton to re-invite Hank
to Christmas dinner.
220
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:58,313
Oh, Cotton will not do that
because Hank is too cruel.
221
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:03,415
No, Didi, Cotton is the cruel one.
Hank is the one who sells propane.
222
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:07,583
But Hank is cruel. He said he loved Buck.
He should say he loves Cotton.
223
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:11,220
And that's not just what I think,
it's what Cotton told me to think.
224
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,991
Cotton is jealous?
225
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:15,895
But that is a human emotion.
226
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,035
That little four-foot mushball.
227
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:25,076
Now, I'm not sure if it's the guest
or the man of the house that says grace...
228
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,937
but I got the English, so I'll take the wheel.
229
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,408
[Pounding on door]
230
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:38,087
-Dad?
-Looking for this?
231
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:41,722
Well, you told me you left
GH sleeping in a bag of hammers.
232
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:44,990
How could you trick me like that?
You ain't bright.
233
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,564
Peggy told me how.
234
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:48,860
Why did you invite my dad here?
235
00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,459
You are ruining
our new holiday tradition...
236
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:53,797
Christmas with the Niefkos.
237
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:58,069
Cotton, how would you like to stay here
and join us for Christmas dinner?
238
00:12:58,177 --> 00:12:59,371
[Sniffing]
239
00:12:59,478 --> 00:13:01,343
Well, something smells good.
240
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,541
Could be turkey.
Probably fresh particle board.
241
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:11,219
Well, that is a beautiful story, Colonel,
but not as beautiful as this house.
242
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,917
Don't you think
this house is beautiful, Cotton?
243
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:16,492
It's okay.
244
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:20,062
-I like the job you did on the dry wall.
-Well, thanks, Dad.
245
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:23,033
I took a risk
and went with the National Gypsum...
246
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,433
instead of the Georgia-Pacific.
247
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,130
I hope Buck doesn't mind.
248
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:28,331
Buck?
249
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,305
Buck! Buck, Buck, Buck!
250
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:34,141
Of course he's gonna mind.
Look at this rat box.
251
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:35,941
It ain't got no doorstop.
252
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,141
Someone opens the door too hard...
253
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:40,610
hole in the wall.
254
00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:42,949
Dad, stop. It's not finished yet.
255
00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:45,319
I don't see no chair rail.
You know what that means.
256
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:47,790
Man stands up from his chair too fast....
257
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:51,890
Oh, come on, Hank.
Tell your father what you told your boss...
258
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,465
and what you tell your stupid dog
every day.
259
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,627
Give that miserable old man
the gift of love for Christmas.
260
00:13:57,736 --> 00:14:00,569
This hanging lamp don't look like
it can hold a man's weight.
261
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,467
Grandpa, be careful!
262
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:03,735
[Glass shattering]
263
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,834
Come on, please, Dad. Stop!
264
00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:08,914
If you want him to stop,
just tell him how you feel.
265
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,278
That window looks awful flimsy.
266
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,082
-Dad, l--
-You can do it, Hank.
267
00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:16,511
Dad...
268
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,286
I hate you.
269
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:19,357
[Gasping]
270
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:24,056
Is okay?
271
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:27,021
You hate me, do you?
272
00:14:27,132 --> 00:14:31,000
After all the love
I allowed your mother to give you.
273
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:34,334
Well, Merry Christmas and stay out.
274
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,135
Tell Santy Claus to hurry.
275
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:38,403
This place ain't gonna have a chimney
for long.
276
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,371
[Cotton yelling]
277
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,281
[Glass shattering]
278
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,980
Hank, you don't really hate your father.
279
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:52,489
These are just bigger emotions
than you're used to expressing.
280
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:53,922
You got confused.
281
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:56,790
Why don't you go inside and apologize?
282
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,488
I also left my purse in there.
283
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:01,532
I am not apologizing. I meant what I said.
284
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,727
You can't really hate your dad.
285
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,098
He's your dad.
286
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:06,831
Yeah, well, there's nothing anywhere...
287
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:09,430
that says a father and son
have to like each other...
288
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:11,406
Iet alone love each other.
289
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:24,623
[Grunting]
290
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,959
CARTER: You can just leave
the won tons out there.
291
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,550
[Carter speaking Chinese]
292
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,857
Oh, you're not from the Noodle House.
293
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:35,991
No, but I wish I was.
294
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:39,662
-Chinese people don't have Christmas.
-What's wrong, little boy?
295
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,172
My dad and my grandpa are fighting.
296
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:45,505
Even if I get the Beiiy Hilltapes
I asked for...
297
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,205
it'd still be the worst Christmas ever.
298
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:51,147
Land sakes!
A family fighting at Christmas?
299
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,911
That's not right.
Why don't I try talking to them?
300
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:55,213
No offense, sir...
301
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:59,155
but you couldn't even talk your way out
of working on Christmas Eve.
302
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:00,748
I may just be a carpenter...
303
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:03,089
but I'm often called upon
to resolve disputes.
304
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:04,560
""He took my drill""...
305
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,096
""That guy swiped my chalk""...
306
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:07,165
and so on.
307
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:10,394
Well, you do have a very soothing accent.
308
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:12,060
We'll take my car.
309
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:15,402
Wow! You must be some carpenter.
310
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:17,941
[Cotton yelling]
311
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:21,305
Bobby?
312
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:24,644
I think we might be able
to get Dad his present after all...
313
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,446
thanks to this nice old guy.
314
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:34,292
I'm gonna get back in the limo.
I got Joseph on hold.
315
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:38,158
Oh, my God! Jimmy Carter.
316
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:40,830
I am Bobby's mother, Peggy Hill.
317
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,363
I teach a short unit on your presidency.
318
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:46,596
Teaching is
one of our most noble professions.
319
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,366
Well, thank you for your honesty.
320
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,832
They could not take that away from you.
321
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:53,378
You must be Hank.
322
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,309
You ran our country...
323
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:57,910
America.
324
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:01,378
Hank, I understand you told your father
you hate him.
325
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:05,253
Hate's a strong word, Mr. President.
That's why I used it.
326
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,082
Yep, hate my dad.
327
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,989
You may say you hate your daddy...
328
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:11,426
but I seem to recall
the Egyptians once said...
329
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,090
they would never accept
lsrael's right to exist.
330
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:17,464
Now, I think we all know
how that turned out.
331
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:21,038
Now, why don't we go inside
and talk things over?
332
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,938
I'm not going in there. I hate the man.
333
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,712
Feels good every time I say it.
334
00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:31,243
Mr. Hill?
335
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,048
-Jimmy Carter?
-Yes, this is Jimmy.
336
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:36,051
Now, how about I come inside...
337
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,089
and visit with you
about what your son said?
338
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:40,658
I'd love to meet a war hero face to face.
339
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,600
Assume the position, Mr. President!
340
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:53,068
[Stuttering] There's no need for that.
341
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,902
I've been nominated
for a Nobel Peace Prize.
342
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:01,869
Look, the Secret Service didn't want me
to come in here at all.
343
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,811
This was a compromise.
344
00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:06,984
I'd have done the same
if I was in your shoes.
345
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,277
Same idea, bigger gun.
346
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,953
Good. Something we can agree on.
347
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,683
Let's build on that.
348
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:15,817
Why do you think
your son said he hates you?
349
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,361
He's a hateful crybaby.
350
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:20,489
He was crying the second
he popped his head out of his mama.
351
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,465
Like I told your father,
in these highly-charged situations...
352
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:27,767
I find it's helpful to say something positive
about the other side.
353
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:30,671
Sadat, for example,
thought Begin had excellent posture.
354
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:33,438
Yeah? What'd my dad say about me?
355
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,345
Why don't you go first?
356
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,344
Come on.
357
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:43,751
Deep down, just between you and me.
I won't tell anyone.
358
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:45,915
-You don't really hate your son.
-Yes, I do.
359
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:47,286
-But you don't--
-Head to toe.
360
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:48,689
-No, really--
-And his wife.
361
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,921
Look, he was a baby once.
362
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:53,088
Everyone hated that baby.
363
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:54,665
Hated a baby?
364
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,331
Okay, how about this?
365
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:59,901
Say there was a magic button
you could push...
366
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:02,337
that would make Hank disappear forever.
367
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:05,001
Everything else in the world
would stay the same...
368
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:07,840
but Hank, your son,
would never have existed.
369
00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:10,710
Now, I'm serious here, mister.
Would you push that button?
370
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:14,252
I ain't gots to answer
no hypothetical situation.
371
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:15,911
Would you push that button?
372
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:17,113
[Growling]
373
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:20,986
Not yes.
374
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:24,693
My father said he wouldn't obliterate me?
375
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,127
His words?
376
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:28,665
Now do you recognize his right to exist?
377
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:34,769
Wonderful.
378
00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:37,598
You both seem to prefer a universe...
379
00:19:37,709 --> 00:19:40,701
in which the other party
hasn't magically disappeared.
380
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:42,939
I think we have a framework for peace.
381
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,982
Now, how do you feel
about going outside?
382
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,451
I still got some nails left.
383
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,624
If you come outside,
I'll let you shoot at my bulletproof limo.
384
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:13,172
Hank, Cotton, I see a new era of trust
and understanding between you.
385
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,777
Not so fast, Chompers. We had a deal.
386
00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:21,051
I gets to shoot me
a bulletproof motorcade.
387
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:24,849
I think you got more important things
to do right now than shoot up my car.
388
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,517
-No, I don't.
-Look, you're not shooting up my car.
389
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:31,824
Hold on. Now, Dad, did he really tell you,
you could shoot up his car?
390
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,454
With my nail gun.
391
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:34,964
Is this true, sir?
392
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,558
Well, I think
I may have put it on the table...
393
00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:39,330
but it seems to me the important thing is--
394
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,030
I'm sorry. You gave your word.
395
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,213
COTTON: Oops.
396
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,438
They told me it was bulletproof.
397
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:52,380
Let's get the heck out of here!
398
00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:54,978
That nail gun's pretty accurate for....
399
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,817
What's it running at?
175 psi?
400
00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:00,653
-180.
-Sounds about right.
401
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,057
Boy, I love shooting a nail gun.
402
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:05,423
I love shooting a nail gun, too.
403
00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:08,190
That was amazing.
404
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,928
Dad and Grandpa don't hate each other...
405
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:13,937
the Lubeckis got
most of their house back...
406
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:16,597
all because Jesus showed up.
407
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,842
Bobby, what are you talking about?
408
00:21:18,977 --> 00:21:22,504
That guy. A carpenter, worked a miracle...
409
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:25,978
his name was JC, rode in a limo....
410
00:21:26,084 --> 00:21:28,348
-Him?
-You thought that was....
411
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:35,191
Well, he's nobody
but a one-terming peanut farmer.
412
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,761
Man wore a sweater.
413
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,961
Henpecked by the OPEC.
414
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,761
And, Bobby,
that is how I saved Christmas.
415
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,375
BUCK: No, I thaik you,
416
00:22:31,375 --> 00:22:41,375
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