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1
00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:04,338
[Soft instrumental music]
2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:06,798
[Peggy sighing]
3
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:11,936
I'm getting some nice color.
4
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,910
Look out, Mrs. Hill. Snake!
5
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,649
It's a harmless bull snake. I'd say he...
6
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:25,391
Pardon, she is about nine months old.
7
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:31,895
Your mom's as cool as most people's dads.
8
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:35,533
It's like that book
they took out of the school library:
9
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,768
I've Got Two Dads.
10
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,706
HANK: No, you don't.
11
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,808
[Theme song]
12
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:15,171
[Telephone ringing]
13
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:17,567
This is Hill.
14
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,772
Tom Landry Middle School
needs you, Peggy.
15
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,042
This job's for at least a week, maybe two.
16
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:23,742
Can you sub for Mrs. Gonzales?
17
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,578
Gonzales? That's Spanish, isn't it?
18
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,455
Yes, it is. Your best subject.
19
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:32,082
You'll be fine, just fine.
20
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,659
There's something you're not telling me.
21
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,025
Dang it, Peggy, I could lose my job.
22
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:38,325
[Speaking Spanish]
23
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,929
I just can't.
But on a completely unrelated subject...
24
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:46,472
hasn't it been a while since
your last surprise in-class evaluation?
25
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,905
Yes, it has, but tell me what...
26
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,447
Mrs. Hill, I'm Ms. Ayres.
I'm here to evaluate you.
27
00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,680
Really? I had no idea.
28
00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:04,681
My goodness! An evaluation.
Well, that... Imagine.
29
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,564
A substitute.
30
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:13,761
Attack.
31
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,095
-Hi, Mrs. Hill.
-Buenos day-as, Consuela.
32
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:20,805
I have always enjoyed
a special relationship with my students.
33
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,970
In fact, one of them
reminded me yesterday...
34
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,546
that I was honored as
Substitute Teacher of the Year...
35
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,275
1996 through 1997, inclusive.
36
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:32,318
That's impressive. So many subs
get bullied by their students.
37
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:36,947
A bully is just someone who victimizes
others to make themselves feel important.
38
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:39,055
Would you like me to repeat that slowly?
39
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:43,357
No, I'm just penalizing you
for starting class late. You were saying?
40
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:47,864
[Peggy speaking Spanish
with an American accent]
41
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:51,998
[Speaking Spanish]
42
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,265
[Speaking Spanish]
43
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:56,342
[All laughing]
44
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,605
[Peggy speaking Spanish]
45
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,711
[Speaking Spanish]
46
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,752
[Peggy speaking Spanish]
47
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,580
[Boy speaking Spanish]
48
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,548
[Peggy speaking Spanish]
49
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,588
You're dead.
50
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,725
[Peggy speaking Spanish]
51
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:47,860
[Dooley speaking Spanish]
52
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:55,130
[Speaking Spanish]
53
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:03,609
[All laughing]
54
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,141
[Peggy speaking Spanish]
55
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,450
Stop it! I know what you are doing
and just stop it!
56
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,350
[Speaking Spanish]
57
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,188
[Speaking Spanish]
58
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,486
"Needs improvement"?
59
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,898
I have never needed to improve
on anything in my whole life.
60
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,436
This will be in my personnel file forever.
61
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:33,097
Relax, Peggy. Everyone has a bad day.
62
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,605
I remember back when I first started
at Strickland Propane...
63
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,304
there was this guy who had a bad day.
64
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,279
See, I can't even remember
that fella's name now.
65
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,124
[Students chattering]
66
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:56,958
All right, everybody, sit down! Andale!
67
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,662
That's odd,
I can't seem to get this to work. It's...
68
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:12,511
Okay. We don't have a lot of time
for monkey business.
69
00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:16,879
So I think we'll skip attendance today
and finish up our vocabulariolesson.
70
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,480
I have had it with you two.
71
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:24,888
I am a very fun teacher,
but I will not be bullied.
72
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,786
Give me your watches.
Come on, give it to me.
73
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,862
I/ am not joking, you two.
74
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,227
[Tense instrumental music]
75
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:37,660
I pulled your pants down.
76
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:40,732
[Dramatic instrumental music]
77
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,152
Oh, yeah!
78
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,189
[Tense instrumental music]
79
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,133
Holy crap.
80
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:14,197
Eighteen years of teaching...
81
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,799
thrown out the window
with one flick of the wrist.
82
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,207
Don't panic, Peggy. There's lots you can do.
83
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,940
I could design software.
People have always said that.
84
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,517
I could open up
a paint-your-own-pottery store.
85
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,177
You know how much they get for that?
86
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,721
Now slow down, Peggy.
They won't fire you.
87
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,517
You're a substitute teacher.
88
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:34,560
They'll just stop calling.
But that's not going to happen either.
89
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:37,892
Maybe it should. I hit an innocent child.
90
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,659
I'm sure you didn't hurt him.
91
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:42,428
I should know.
I got spanked plenty in school.
92
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,095
Really? Well, you turned out just fine.
93
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:49,800
Better than fine. And back then,
they even used a paddle called OI' Spanky.
94
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:53,076
It was a piece of hickory about yea big...
95
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:57,707
and it had holes drilled in it
to cut down on wind resistance...
96
00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:01,014
and a little pine tar on the handle...
97
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,987
for a no-slip grip.
98
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,589
Good OI' Spanky.
99
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,128
Mom, what were you thinking?
100
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:13,928
Bobby, honey, I am so sorry.
I just did not know what to do.
101
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,731
Dooley pantsed you. That's what he does.
102
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:20,329
And when it happens,
you pull up your pants and move on.
103
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:24,202
If you don't know that, no wonder
you bombed on your evaluation.
104
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,775
PEGGY: I never even spank our dog.
105
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:31,579
Not that your son is worse than our dog,
because he's not.
106
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,620
And we have a good dog.
So that speaks volumes for your son.
107
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:38,282
Please, we should apologize to you.
I'm sure Stuart deserved it.
108
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:41,850
-We know what a handful he can be.
-What are you saying?
109
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,462
You did good.
110
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,592
Let's see, teacher's statement,
response from the parents.
111
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:52,938
Okay, looks like all our ducks are in a row.
Peggy, you're fired.
112
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,636
But the Dooleys forgave me.
113
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:59,368
Let's see. There's nothing in here
about forgiveness.
114
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,005
There are procedures
for administering legal spankings...
115
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,605
which you violated at every turn.
116
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:07,415
There are procedures for terminating
a teacher, which I followed to a T.
117
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:08,487
Emily!
118
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:14,717
I'm required to have a hall monitor
escort you off campus.
119
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,557
It's over, Mrs. Hill.
120
00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:19,929
[Peggy sobbing]
121
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:26,430
I'm sorry, ladies. Looks like
there's not going to be a threepeat.
122
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,505
What am I gonna do?
123
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:33,239
Well, I got you a book
on designing software.
124
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,749
[Peggy sobbing]
125
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:46,088
You had it all, Peggy Hill.
126
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:54,456
Hey, there, Hank's wife.
What you crying for? Got your monthlies?
127
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,593
Cotton, I am in no mood.
Why are you here?
128
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,435
VFW meeting and pancake supper.
129
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,508
So I'll need you to whip me up
some pancakes.
130
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:05,943
Couple of hundred will do.
And as much syrup as you gots.
131
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:10,674
Fine, I will go make you 200 pancakes.
132
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,483
How's Bobby?
133
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:23,392
He's just fine. But my information
about Bobby is a little dated.
134
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:27,056
He hasn't spoken to me since I got fired...
135
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,829
for spanking a student.
136
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,335
-Fired? What'd you do? Kill him?
-No!
137
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,204
Ain't no law against spanking.
138
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:38,300
Tell you what,
I've got a friend over to the VFW.
139
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,209
Used to principal at Hank's school.
140
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,543
He'll have you back spanking in no time.
141
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:46,017
I just want my job back,
I'm not gonna spank again.
142
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,211
COTTON: Shut up before you talk
me out of it.
143
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,892
In my 35 years
at Tom Landry Middle School...
144
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,360
I spanked thousands of students...
145
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,223
shaping their character...
146
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,428
and preparing them
to die in wars overseas.
147
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,470
Actually, I only spanked once.
148
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:09,372
She's just being modest. She's the first
teacher, since they killed LBJ...
149
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,410
to stand up to those draft dodgers.
150
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:14,879
All right, Peggy, we're gonna get you
back in that classroom.
151
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,278
Damn straight!
152
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,246
Step one:
You gotta meet the school board...
153
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,150
Ol' Spanky.
154
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,785
[All laughing]
155
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:28,521
Go on, take it. It's yours.
I got nobody to hit anymore.
156
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:33,696
Thanks for this terrific symbol,
and for helping me to get my job back.
157
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,701
All right, let's hear it for Paddlin' Peggy!
158
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,007
WENDELL: Take off your top!
159
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,475
VETERAN: Shut up, Wendell.
That's tomorrow night.
160
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:47,876
PEGGY: Hi, guys.
161
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:54,053
I just had the most inspiring afternoon
with Cotton and his army buddies.
162
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,021
They're gonna circulate a petition
to help me get my job back.
163
00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,149
I even have the support
of your old principal, Jeter Turbeville.
164
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,523
Jeter the Beater?
165
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:04,154
Oh, God, what's that under your arm?
166
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:07,800
Ol' Spanky. Can you believe
they ever used something like this?
167
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,269
[Peggy chuckling]
168
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,368
Spanking was wrong then,
and it's wrong now.
169
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:18,604
I say, spare the rod and spoil the child.
170
00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:21,644
Dale, spare the rod and spoil the child...
171
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:23,876
means you're in favor of spanking.
172
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:27,111
I don't think so.
173
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,087
Man, I tell you what,
bringing back old bad memories...
174
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,181
about talking about old Jeter the Beater.
175
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,693
Whack, man, tied to that old pillow.
176
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,525
Well, I don't know.
My daddy spanked me every day...
177
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:41,430
from when I was nine till I was 16,
and I turned out okay.
178
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:44,630
Bastard.
179
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,904
-Peggy, we sure do miss you at Landry.
-Thanks.
180
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,674
I'm not a spanker, okay?
181
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:58,683
But if you can bring discipline
back into our school...
182
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:03,154
then I am behind you 100%.
I wish I had the guts you do, sister.
183
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,123
I'm no hero. Stuart Dooley just caught me
on a bad day.
184
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:10,288
Don't be modest. You are an inspiration
to all of us teachers.
185
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:14,026
And that's why we signed that petition
in support of Paddlin' Peggy.
186
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:18,400
Well, that's just those vets being silly.
Here, have a button.
187
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:27,480
The School Board vote
on reinstating Mrs. Peggy Hill passes.
188
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:31,347
TEACHER: All right, Paddlin' Peggy!
Walk tall, sister.
189
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,317
We did it, Hank's wife!
190
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,150
Party at my house. Pancakes for everyone!
191
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,016
WENDELL: Take off your top!
192
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:45,762
-I'm off to work, Mrs. Hill.
-Me, too, Mr. Hill.
193
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,992
HANK: Mrs. Hill, why are you bringing
the paddle?
194
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,434
I have to. People are expecting it.
195
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,865
Besides, your father worked very hard...
196
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,135
to put Paddlin' Peggy
back in the classroom.
197
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:59,872
See, that's the thing.
My dad thinks you're gonna use it.
198
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:01,947
Hank, don't be silly, honey.
199
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:04,881
It's just a bluff.
I am gonna scare my students...
200
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:08,511
exactly the way President Reagan
scared hundreds of millions of Russians...
201
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,521
with his Star Wars death beam.
202
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,516
I miss voting for that man.
203
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:18,788
Listen, I just want to apologize
for what happened the other day.
204
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:22,492
I will never ever spank another student
like that again...
205
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,367
because now I have this.
206
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:29,170
But, of course,
it will not be necessary to use this...
207
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:32,472
because now you all know I have it in me.
208
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,244
So why don't we just start all over?
209
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:37,777
[Speaking Spanish]
210
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:44,112
[Dramatic instrumental music]
211
00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:52,789
[Speaking Spanish]
212
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,630
Do you think she's gonna use that paddle?
213
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,863
JOSEPH: I don't know,
but I'll tell you what--
214
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,735
Excuse me.
Should you be talking while I am talking?
215
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,433
Paddlin' Peggy says...
216
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:03,976
[Stuttering]
217
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,408
Paddlin' Peggy says...
218
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,172
[Mutters negation]
219
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:13,045
BOBBY: You gotta do something
about Mom.
220
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:16,349
This whole Paddlin' Peggy shtick
is really creepy.
221
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,720
Joseph won't even
come over to play anymore...
222
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,988
'cause he says he's having nightmares
about that stupid paddle.
223
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,221
Did you hear that?
224
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:26,526
My son is dreaming
about getting spanked by your wife.
225
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:28,259
That's not so unusual.
226
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,735
You gotta get your woman in line.
227
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,631
Peggy's kind of hard to talk to lately.
228
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,139
She's feeling powerful now.
229
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:40,873
So her body is producing
extra amounts of testosterone.
230
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:44,379
I bet if Peggy wanted to,
she could grow a mustache.
231
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,476
'Course, I don't know why she'd want to.
232
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,647
[Tense instrumental music]
233
00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:02,131
Guess who won best French manicure
at the beauty academy today?
234
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:10,273
Dad, can I go ride bikes with Joseph?
235
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,277
I thought we'd watch Shark Week
on the Discovery Channel.
236
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:16,610
-Michael Palin is hosting.
-I don't want to.
237
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:20,346
But, honey, you love Michael Palin.
Are you coming down with something?
238
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,148
Let me feel your forehead.
239
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:25,081
I don't want to watch
your stupid show, okay?
240
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,352
Bobby.
241
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,992
-What is wrong with him?
-Probably nothing.
242
00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:34,560
Or it could be you...
243
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,764
and your whupping stick.
244
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:41,500
It's a paddle and he has a name:
Ol' Spanky.
245
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:45,770
Hank, do I tell you how to sell propane
and propane accessories?
246
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:49,473
Did I criticize you
for your big Spatula Tuesday fiasco?
247
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:53,519
No, I did not,
because I respect you as a professional.
248
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,088
And that is all I want, Hank,
just a little respect.
249
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,386
But I guess that's too much to ask for
from you and Bobby.
250
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,824
All right, it was Sharon a Johnson.
251
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:05,557
It's not fair. She works really hard.
252
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,366
[Tense instrumental music]
253
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:15,074
Channel 84 wants to do something
on Paddlin' Peggy.
254
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:17,734
-Where is OI' Spanky?
-Maybe you left it at work.
255
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,279
No, I know I had it with me
on the drive home.
256
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:23,747
I remember brandishing it
at this idiot who almost cut me off.
257
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,382
I've got to retrace my steps home.
258
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:35,050
Okay, I'm driving home. Brandish.
259
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:38,122
Oh, God!
I must have dropped it on the street.
260
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,260
Stop, Peggy! Would you look at yourself?
261
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:46,238
Spanky!
262
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:57,709
PEGGY: Joseph, did you put this here?
JOSEPH: No.
263
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:04,116
Joseph, you are talking to
Paddlin' Peggy here.
264
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,054
All right, what's going on?
265
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,158
Your son stole my Paddlin' Peggy paddle.
266
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,527
This is the only thing that stands
between the Arlen school system...
267
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,100
and complete chaos.
268
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,669
-Apologize, you!
-I didn't do anything.
269
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,404
All right, I am not all talk, you know.
270
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:21,906
You didn't apologize,
so you chose your fate.
271
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,670
-Somebody stop her!
-Peggy. no!
272
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,609
I said, I didn't do anything.
273
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:30,046
He's telling the truth, Mom.
He was with me all day.
274
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,846
-Well, somebody took it.
-It was Bill!
275
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:34,645
No, it wasn't.
276
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,189
All right, it was me. I took it.
277
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,622
Somebody had to stop you. You're crazy!
278
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,289
[Solemn instrumental music]
279
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,560
Oh, my!
280
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:56,037
It's okay, son. Daddy's here.
281
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,567
You big bully.
282
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:12,057
Hank, what was I thinking?
283
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:15,958
HANK: The important thing is
your spanking days are over, right?
284
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:19,927
So are my teaching days.
At least until the day they make pants...
285
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:23,093
that cannot be pulled down
by someone other than the wearer.
286
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,170
Sounds to me like you're scared.
287
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,603
You know, I have a little speech
I've been saving...
288
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,006
for the day Bobby gets beat up by a bully...
289
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,010
but I don't think that's ever gonna happen.
290
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:37,447
Him and his darn prop comedy.
Every time the boy gets into a jam...
291
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,747
he shoves French fries up his nose
and makes a new friend.
292
00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:45,418
Anyway, I think my speech
might apply here. Do you want to hear it?
293
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:49,961
Hank, no. You know, somewhere inside me
is the old Peggy Hill...
294
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,755
the one who taught children
without scaring the bejesus out of them.
295
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,358
I just need to find her again.
296
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:04,236
And then she freaked out and dropped
the paddle right in the middle of the alley.
297
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:08,377
And without that paddle
she looked just like Bobby's mom.
298
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,646
That's the bell.
299
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,478
[Tense instrumental music]
300
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,122
Buenos dias, clase.
301
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:25,955
Serior Dooley,
I thought you were suspended.
302
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,595
I thought you were fired.
303
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,135
[All laughing]
304
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:34,063
Bygones are bygones, so welcome back.
305
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:39,307
I thought we might talk about
a special part of Spanish history.
306
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,607
Your feet are big.
307
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:49,420
Paddlin' Peggy, why don't you spank them?
308
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,481
Yeah, Paddlin' Peggy.
309
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,758
Fine. All you children are interested in
is punishment.
310
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,830
So I will teach you about punishment...
311
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:05,700
with this.
312
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,567
[All exclaiming in fear]
313
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,270
Yes!
314
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:18,076
PEGGY: Oh, yeah!
315
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:23,388
Spain, 1478.
The weapon of choice, the mace.
316
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,920
It was the beginning
of the Spanish Inquisition.
317
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,552
Even though it was begun
with the best of intentions...
318
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:33,121
a number of very nice, innocent people
were brutally punished.
319
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,634
And without a doubt, the worst thing
about the Spanish Inquisition...
320
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,762
was that nobody ever said they were sorry.
321
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,701
-How were they punished?
-All kinds of awful ways.
322
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,039
Like what?
323
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,516
PEGGY: Well, sometimes they would strike
you with one of these.
324
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:54,609
Sometimes they would make you lie
on a bed of spikes...
325
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,087
and then pour boiling oil on you.
326
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:03,155
And sometimes they would tie your arms
and legs to four different horses...
327
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,991
and tear you apart.
328
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,064
[All exclaiming in fear]
329
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:07,523
Cool.
330
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:17,174
Why, I feel like I'm being watched. Joseph.
331
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:21,780
JOSEPH: Now what?
332
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:24,207
DALE: Careful, Joseph.
333
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:27,909
I'm just here to play with Bobby.
I don't want any trouble.
334
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:32,150
I could use a little help preparing the soil.
Why don't you spread the mulch?
335
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:35,120
-What's it made out of?
-Paddle.
336
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:39,823
And goat manure.
337
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,302
[Theme song]
338
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,061
[Dooley speaking Spanish]
339
00:22:20,111 --> 00:22:24,661
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