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1
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,966
[Theme song playing]
2
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,298
And the employee...
3
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,703
of the month is...
4
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:43,869
[Stomach grumbling]
5
00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:48,675
STRICKLAND: Lookie here. I'm sorry, folks.
6
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,446
My breakfast burrito is fixing to say adios.
7
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:54,544
What say we finish this ceremony
in my back office?
8
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:55,816
MAN: Office?
9
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,118
[All groaning]
10
00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:59,755
STRICKLAND: Our employee of the month
is Hank Hill.
11
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,523
Congratulations, Hank.
That's 41 times in a row.
12
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,398
Thank you, sir.
13
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:08,093
I wish you could see the expression
on my face.
14
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,102
STRICKLAND: Okey-doke.
HANK: But you can't.
15
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,865
STRICKLAND: Meeting adjourned, y'all.
16
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:12,929
[Toilet flushes]
17
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,269
EMPLOYEE: Finally.
18
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:17,104
One more thing, Hank.
19
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:21,007
We need to hire
a new Accessories Associate.
20
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:24,548
Well, I'll put together a shortlist
of candidates for you.
21
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:27,918
You're the quarterback of this panty raid.
You make the pick.
22
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:31,583
You want me to choose the next member
of Team Strickland?
23
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,221
This is a heck of an honor, Buck.
24
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:35,728
Don't let me down, Hank.
25
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:39,391
If you do, it'll be like spitting
in my face 41 times in a row.
26
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:50,503
-Are you married?
-My wife passed away two years ago.
27
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,279
That's good, Bobby.
Keep throwing me curve balls.
28
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,644
Ask another one.
29
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,741
Well, here's one
that gets at the heart of the matter.
30
00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:00,944
We're all Christians here. How about you?
31
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:03,900
Hank, you can't ask that question
in an interview. It's against the law.
32
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,085
Hank, you can't ask that question
in an interview. It's against the law.
33
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:08,820
You can't ask about age, race,
religion, or sexual affiliation.
34
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:12,593
It's the legal equivalent
of asking a woman how much she weighs.
35
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,930
Why don't you just hire me, Dad?
36
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:18,361
That's good, son.
Keep throwing those curve balls.
37
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:23,003
If you could eat at Luly's
with one of the following, would it be:
38
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,942
A: Jesus.
39
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,244
B: Mohammed.
40
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,112
C: Golda Meir.
41
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,274
[Stuttering]
42
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:33,683
I don't eat at Luly's. They use lard.
43
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,213
HANK: Okay.
44
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:41,155
Mr. Harrington, you seem to have
a few gaps here in your work history.
45
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,352
Well...
46
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,659
'33 to '45...
47
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,296
FDR was in the White House.
48
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:50,098
So, I was on the welfare, you know.
49
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,132
And in the '60s, you had Kennedy...
50
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,999
and LBJ...
51
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,869
so I was on the welfare.
52
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:59,776
And then from '77 to '81...
53
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,913
Jimmy Carter, so I was on the welfare.
54
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,048
Dale, what're you doing here?
55
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,451
I have killed all the bugs in Arlen.
56
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,618
It is time for me to take on new challenges.
57
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,387
My resume.
58
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,931
"1984 to present:
59
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,061
"Gribble and Sons Propane,
Yuma, Arizona.�
60
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:26,035
Dale, I've known you
since we were in first grade.
61
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,833
You don't know me. I am unknowable.
62
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:31,334
[Sighing]
63
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,477
Mario Montalvo.
64
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,018
-My name is Maria.
-Oh, my!
65
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:41,149
I'm terribly sorry. You have to understand...
66
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,748
this job requires a certain comfort level
with barbecues.
67
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,123
So I just assumed this was a typo.
68
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,628
Let me double-check. Mario!
69
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:54,190
There is no man named Mario.
There is only I, a woman named Maria.
70
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:56,632
How do you like that?
71
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:58,967
As I walked through
your Accessories Department...
72
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:02,100
I could not help noticing
you feature the Wagner Char King.
73
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,803
-You know about the King?
-Dual side grills...
74
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:09,507
three center racks, 35,000 BTUs
of propane-powered fury.
75
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:12,751
As an Accessories Associate,
it is my job to know.
76
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:16,421
Well, your qualifications are impressive...
77
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,822
but I do have one last puzzler.
78
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:23,755
Ms. Montalvo, you're at the Troy Aikman
fantasy sports camp.
79
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,726
It's the toughest 14 days you'll ever love.
80
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,326
HANK: And on the bus ride home--
MARIA: Excuse me.
81
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:30,970
Who's Troy Aikman?
82
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,199
On the one hand,
she booted the Aikman question...
83
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,540
on the other,
she knew about the Char King.
84
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:42,071
When you say "she,�
are you talking about a woman?
85
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,947
Yes, Bill. Maria Montalvo.
86
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,448
Maria Montalvo.
87
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:51,253
I worked with her in Arizona.
She's no damn good.
88
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:55,794
Well, these days, you gotta be careful
about working with a girl... Woman.
89
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:59,862
Why, in the army, you could
get in big trouble for harassing a woman...
90
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,163
even if you're her superior officer.
91
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:05,102
I tell you what, you go to work
with a woman nowadays...
92
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:09,666
you gotta pull duty like a Kathleen Willey,
Slick Willie. Dang ol' Willy Wonka, wonk.
93
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:13,204
She's more qualified
than any other applicant.
94
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,647
But that only goes so far. I mean...
95
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,685
what are we gonna talk about?
Our feelings?
96
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:26,819
Peggy, there's something I've gotta
tell you. I interviewed a woman today.
97
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,261
Apparently, she's very handsome.
98
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,331
She's also extremely well-qualified,
and sharp as a tack.
99
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:36,836
But don't worry, I'm not gonna hire her.
100
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,837
Why would I worry? I feel for her.
101
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:42,341
If people had been afraid to hire me
because I'm pretty and smart...
102
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,275
I would have never gotten
where I am today.
103
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,334
[Hank sighing]
104
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:48,712
I just don't know what
the rules are anymore, Peggy.
105
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,009
If Bob Cecil made a big sale...
106
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,110
I could give him a pat on the back,
or something.
107
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,316
How can I do that with Maria Montalvo?
108
00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:01,018
Please, honey.
Women are nothing to be afraid of.
109
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:05,395
Just give her a hug.
Just put your arms around her like this.
110
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:09,825
I don't know, Peg. What if she
gets her cheek up against mine, like this?
111
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,036
Well, in that case...
112
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,039
you can just start to struggle politely...
113
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,574
like this.
114
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:22,038
[Sweeping instrumental music]
115
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,477
[Peggy giggling]
116
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:31,647
[Sighing]
117
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,659
I'll keep your resume on file, Ms. Montalvo.
118
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:46,231
Hi, I came about your ad.
My name's Leon Petard.
119
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,535
Hey, Cowboys, all right!
120
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:51,543
Leon, you just answered
my first six questions.
121
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:54,042
There's just one more thing
I'd like to know.
122
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,310
What do you think of propane?
123
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,382
Well, sir...
124
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:01,887
I probably shouldn't say this
because it sounds kind of crazy...
125
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,947
but after God, country and family...
126
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:09,155
what I love most is propane
and propane paraphernalia.
127
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:14,194
Son, if that's crazy,
you've just walked into a funny farm.
128
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,598
Welcome to the team.
129
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:19,332
HANK: Leon's perfect, Peggy.
130
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:22,669
He's like Bobby
without all that stuff Bobby does.
131
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:25,006
What about that woman
you were gonna hire?
132
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,877
You said she was the most qualified
of the whole bunch.
133
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,179
Oh, you don't have to worry about that,
I passed her over.
134
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,612
-So, you were attracted to her.
-What?
135
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:39,552
You must think she's one hot tamale,
if you couldn't even have her in the office.
136
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,958
Peggy, I didn't hire her. She's gone.
137
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,689
I'll never see her again!
138
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:48,166
Except when you close your eyes
and kiss me. Is that what you're saying?
139
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,763
[Humming]
140
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:58,701
[Sighing]
141
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:12,289
HANK: Leon, where have you been?
You're over three hours late.
142
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,260
I wasn't late, I was early. I got here at...
143
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,926
-What time do we open?
-8:00 am.
144
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,658
Yeah, I got here at 7:00 am...
145
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,327
and you weren't here,
so I went to get some coffee.
146
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:26,305
But the waitress, it turns out
her dog was sick, so I thought:
147
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:30,606
"Hey, if I take her dog to the vet,
she might buy some propane.�
148
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,771
You know, from us.
149
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:36,214
So, there's this line at the vet
because of this farm accident.
150
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:39,912
They're trying to keep it quiet,
so you might not hear about it.
151
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:44,088
But here I am with a customer's dog,
and I just can't leave her.
152
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:47,422
So I promise
I'll never come to work early again.
153
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:50,593
Well, that sure is a long story.
154
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,999
Yeah, that's how you know it's true.
155
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:56,559
So, let's sell some gas!
Team Strickley rules!
156
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,028
[Leon whooping]
157
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,173
HANK: We work as a team
here at Strickland.
158
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,874
There are 15 of us, counting you.
159
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,349
15. What's this thing called again?
160
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,820
HANK: Actually, I haven't told you
about this grill yet, Leon.
161
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,856
It's called the Wagner Char King...
162
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:19,756
-and it's the crown jewel--
-Yes, Char King. I remember.
163
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,419
It's almost lunch time, right?
164
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:24,725
-Well, it's getting close, I guess.
-Great.
165
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,635
LEON: Hey, it's the Char King.
166
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,377
[Spanish music playing on TV]
167
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:45,876
[Old man gasping]
168
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:48,746
No, Dios mio!
169
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,517
Vaya con Dios.
170
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,250
Hey, Leon, you might want
to unwrap that sandwich now.
171
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,956
Lunch has been over for about 20 minutes.
172
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,430
Okay, coach.
173
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:00,976
"Vaya con Dios.�
174
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,211
[Leon laughing]
175
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:02,929
[Leon laughing]
176
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:04,998
Okay, then.
177
00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:06,732
[Leon crying]
178
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,137
STRICKLAND: Hey, Hank,
how's your new hire doing?
179
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:13,874
I just think he's gonna work out great, sir.
180
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,616
I could have sworn I saw him
over by the trucks puking his guts out.
181
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:22,815
Well, he's pretty excited about
working in propane, sir.
182
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:27,093
But once he sells his first grill,
those highs and lows will smooth out.
183
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,594
Well, I hope they do.
184
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:32,791
Remember, Hank, he's wearing
the name Strickland over his man-teat.
185
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,665
[Telephone ringing]
186
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:39,899
T-Man?
187
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:44,138
"Strickland Propane.
Taste the heat, not the meat."�
188
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:45,473
Lord, no!
189
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,006
Hello.
190
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,039
Hello, Ms. Shaddock.
I want to sincerely apologize.
191
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:54,576
Our slogan is,
"Taste the meat, not the heat."
192
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:58,022
I hope our error has not
inconvenienced you.
193
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:03,657
Well, I hope in the future
you'll be a customer again.
194
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,791
"Taste the meat, not the heat."
195
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,834
"Taste the meat, not the heat."
196
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,996
"Meat," "heat,� "meat,� "heat."�
197
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:13,799
[Leon groaning]
198
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:14,965
[Hank sighing]
199
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,237
TV NARRATOR:
Fans of Mexican soap operas...
200
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,574
know him as the evil Monsignor Martinez...
201
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:23,241
but off-screen, this man of the cloth
makes cloth...
202
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,818
into his own line of casual pants.
203
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:30,054
Bobby, how would you like to help me out
around the shop for a few days?
204
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,491
I can't pay you,
but you can have all the snacks you want.
205
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:37,656
We've got fruit pies,
pretzels, all kinds of Newtons.
206
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,396
You had me at "fruit pies."�
207
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,666
HANK: Leon, this is Bobby.
He's gonna be helping you out today.
208
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:51,734
That's great, because
I am just bursting with ideas right now.
209
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,872
Okay, listen up.
I got a whole new filing plan.
210
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:58,608
Let's go!
211
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,817
LEON: Oh, God!
212
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:07,151
There's more files here
than there are stars in the universe.
213
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:10,024
This would go a lot faster if you helped.
214
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:12,223
I can't do this. You do it.
215
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,429
[Leon whimpering]
216
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,741
PEGGY: What's the matter?
You haven't even touched your marrow.
217
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:26,837
I have to do all the work because
Dad's new employee is a drug addict.
218
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:31,510
Bobby, Leon's a little slow on the draw,
but that doesn't mean he's on drugs.
219
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,382
You got to trust me on this.
220
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:37,583
When you've heard as many former
athletes lecture at your school as I have...
221
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:40,149
-you get to know all the signs.
-Wait.
222
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,821
You hired a drug addict instead
of that beautiful Chicana?
223
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:46,524
My God, Hank,
how badly did you want that woman?
224
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,593
Now, just hold on here.
Leon's credentials are top-notch...
225
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,501
even if they are from the nonprofit sector.
226
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:57,976
"Six months at Helping Hands Institute.
One year at Covenant Place.�
227
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,479
-Those are detox centers.
-Centers?
228
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,750
No, look right here. "Institute.� "Place."
229
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,309
Uncle Hank, you're in denial.
230
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:08,881
Yeah, Dad.
231
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:12,323
You're what Too Tall Jones called
"a codependent enabler.�
232
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,382
[Sighs]
233
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,326
Leon does do a lot of vomiting...
234
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,492
even for a new employee.
235
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,931
STRICKLAND: Now, Mrs. Throckmorton...
236
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,597
with our new electronic debit system,
you never even have to check your bill.
237
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,775
Oh, my, that does sound convenient.
238
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:32,310
STRICKLAND: We take the money
right out of your account.
239
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:33,969
[Giggling]
240
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:37,039
-What in the Sam Hill!
-Oh, no!
241
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:39,642
This is your new Accessories Associate?
242
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,245
Jeez, Hank, he's a drooling nincompoop.
243
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,019
Don't worry, sir. He's as good as gone.
244
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,922
Make sure you don't disgruntle him.
245
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:51,589
We don't want him showing up tomorrow
punching the clock with a .45.
246
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,900
You know, Leon,
maybe you don't have the tools...
247
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:04,500
that an Accessories Associate needs.
248
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:07,773
You need to find a job
you can do with your tools.
249
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,544
I've got a ratchet set I haven't pawned yet.
250
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:14,076
You have a lot of things
you can do with a good ratchet set.
251
00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:16,053
Maybe you can work on trucks.
252
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:17,112
[Exclaiming]
253
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,648
I don't know what to say.
254
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:24,353
As your new chief mechanic,
what I'd like to do first is fire Enrique.
255
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:28,264
Leon, what I'm trying to say is,
you're a drug user...
256
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:31,401
and there's no place for you
at Strickland Propane.
257
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:34,668
-As of 5:00 p.m., you're fired.
-Oh, no!
258
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,299
Here. It's a rehab center.
259
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:42,747
Son, why don't you take the rest of the
afternoon off, and get yourself some help?
260
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,042
[Tires squealing]
261
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,950
Leon's in the parking lot,
and he looks disgruntled.
262
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:54,356
EMPLOYEES: Hit the deck!
263
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:55,861
[Employees shrieking]
264
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:56,952
[Hank gasping]
265
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,490
[Door slams]
266
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,767
I'm sorry I have to do this, coach.
267
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:10,204
ANTHONY: Hello, Mr. Hill.
268
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:12,836
Anthony Page, group leader,
One Last Chance House.
269
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,381
Are you aware that you
hired a drug addict?
270
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,815
I am now. That's why I fired him.
271
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:20,148
Oh, yeah. You're in trouble, all right.
272
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:23,780
It's against the law to fire this man.
He's a drug addict.
273
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,925
Are you sure you don't want to shoot me?
274
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,394
Thanks for the latte, Leon.
275
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,865
You have to re-hire this man, Mr. Hill.
276
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,129
Legally, drug addiction is a disability.
277
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:40,901
And now that Leon's in rehab,
the law prohibits you from firing him.
278
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,702
Rehab? Since when?
279
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,673
Since 4:30 p.m. yesterday afternoon.
280
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,679
And I wasn't officially fired till 5:00 p.m.
281
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:53,016
ANTHONY: This is the
Americans with Disabilities Act.
282
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:56,521
It ensures that no person,
no matter how disadvantaged...
283
00:15:56,589 --> 00:16:00,321
how short or obese, or blind or gay,
or even stoned...
284
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,761
can be discriminated against,
once his healing has begun.
285
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,891
Hell, right now I'd kill
for a big fat blind gay guy...
286
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,628
if we could just get some
damn work done around here!
287
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,192
HANK: I can't believe this.
288
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:14,797
Well, I may be stuck with you,
but you're stuck with me, too.
289
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,172
And there's gonna be
some changes around here.
290
00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:20,269
You will be here at 8:00 a.m. sharp
from now on.
291
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,572
8:00 a.m.?
292
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:22,938
Anthony?
293
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:26,713
8:00 a.m. will not work for Leon.
He's got withdrawal therapy till 11:00 a.m.
294
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,185
But then I take my methadone...
295
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:31,189
so I should be feeling pretty good
by the time I get here.
296
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,988
What? I'm not going to let you come
to work late...
297
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,757
all hopped up on goofanthol.
298
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,331
And he'll need to have the lights dimmed.
299
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:42,493
His pupils will be dilating pretty big
by 12:30 p.m.
300
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,432
What kind of game
are you trying to play here?
301
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,303
It's not a game, sir.
302
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,909
It's the law. And we win.
303
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,067
[Leon whooping]
304
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:54,436
Let's see.
305
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,279
"Any company
with 15 employees or more...
306
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,945
�"must make reasonable accommodations
for their disabled workers."
307
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,479
I can't believe I'm getting hog-tied
by a dope freak.
308
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:07,625
Well, of course,
you could have hired Maria Montalvo.
309
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:11,129
The only accommodation she would've
needed from you was a slobber-guard.
310
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:14,326
Now, if you can get her off your mind
for two seconds...
311
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,631
-maybe we can get some sleep.
-Oh, God.
312
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,168
Now, please.
313
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:26,545
That's great.
314
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,041
I'm gonna go throw up now, coach.
315
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:31,874
Hank, I got a bone to pick with you.
316
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:35,586
How come Jimi Hendrix
gets a futon in his work station?
317
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:39,818
Because he's disabled, Joe Jack.
It's all there in the fine print.
318
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,221
Come on. You've got propane to haul.
319
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,696
Honey, I'm too mad to drive a truck.
320
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:48,266
It's almost like
my anger is handicapping me.
321
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:49,824
Joe Jack.
322
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:52,894
[Grunting]
323
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,164
[Entrance bell chimes]
324
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,675
Customer. Jason, can you get that?
325
00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:00,576
Sorry, Hank, I suffer
from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
326
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:03,138
If I get out of this chair,
Garth Brooks is gonna die.
327
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:05,206
HANK: Joe Jack,
can you get that customer?
328
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,343
[Laughing]
329
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,250
Much too angry, honey.
330
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,155
HANK: Melinda, a little help, please?
331
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:13,214
[Groaning]
332
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:16,327
-Too bloated.
-Heck, I'll do it myself.
333
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:19,207
[Grunting]
334
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:19,254
[Grunting]
335
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,633
What the hey is going on here?
336
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:24,727
[Debbie shushing]
337
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,029
It's Leon.
338
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:30,599
Now all my employees want in on that
damn Americans with Disabilities Act.
339
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:33,407
PEGGY: She shushed me.
HANK: Debbie's got the yuppie flu...
340
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:37,006
and Hector claims
he has something called priapism.
341
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:40,378
He wants a roomier work station,
and a view of Debbie.
342
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,785
Nobody shushes me.
Hank, you cannot stand by...
343
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,950
while these greedy pigs suck the life
out of Strickland Propane.
344
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,551
Anybody's disabled
if you think hard enough.
345
00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:55,495
Hey, if we catch this guy
doing drugs on the job...
346
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:58,162
we can fire him. So, here's the deal.
347
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,296
Put on your fancy clothes,
hop a Greyhound to Dallas...
348
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:05,106
and buy every pill, pipe,
powder you can find, see?
349
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:07,769
You spread the stuff around
like roach traps...
350
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,214
then we'll get that boy hooked again.
351
00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:13,741
With all due respect, sir,
I have a better plan.
352
00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:18,018
Hello, Mr. Hill, I came as quick as I could.
From your message it sounded...
353
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,616
as if you'd become the victim
of some discrimination.
354
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,058
That's right, Anthony.
355
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:26,861
You see, I recently came to realize
that I, too, suffer from a disability.
356
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,365
It's called G.W.S.
357
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,433
Good Worker Syndrome.
358
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:33,470
I get sick to my stomach...
359
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:37,100
unless everyone around me
is giving a hundred and ten percent.
360
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,043
The symptoms include
pride, responsibility...
361
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,103
and a feverish enthusiasm.
362
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,980
It used to be a common condition
among Americans.
363
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:46,641
[Exclaiming in disgust]
364
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:50,986
People like you who abuse the system
ruin it for the rest of us:
365
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,786
The truly disabled.
366
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,928
I'm leaving. Call me
if he gives you any more trouble, Leon.
367
00:19:56,996 --> 00:20:00,728
Don't call me Leon anymore.
That's the name I used drugs with.
368
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,095
From now on, I want to be called...
369
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:06,930
-Hank Hill.
-No!
370
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:10,509
That's too far.
I cannot accommodate that. I won't.
371
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:14,068
It's not up to you, Hank. It's up to Hank.
372
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:17,678
This man is not your slave.
You don't get to name him.
373
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,980
Get yourself a bus ticket to Dallas.
374
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,783
I hate to do this,
but you leave me no choice.
375
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:26,450
There's only room for one Hank Hill
at Strickland Propane.
376
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,285
- I quit.
-What?
377
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,589
-What am I gonna do now?
-Whatever you want, Buck.
378
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,224
With me gone,
you're down to 14 employees.
379
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,529
And that makes this your business,
not the government's.
380
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,165
[Strickland exclaiming]
381
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:40,496
Wait.
382
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:44,004
-Hot dang, Hank! You've done it!
-Thank you, sir.
383
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,669
Not you, you're fired.
384
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:52,583
Now Strickland's just small enough
to skirt the law.
385
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,449
You all get back to work.
386
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,921
STRICKLAND:
Debbie, you just lie right there.
387
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:03,686
Well, son, you pulled our wieners
out of the campfire just in time.
388
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:04,753
[Laughing]
389
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,457
Well, I guess I did, Buck.
390
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,398
Yeah, so let's get this over with.
391
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,868
Where do you see yourself in five years?
392
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:14,371
Proudly serving as assistant manager
of Strickland Propane.
393
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,772
Welcome back, son. You're re-hired.
394
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:19,000
After a six-month probation period...
395
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,945
you will be eligible
for vacation and benefits.
396
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,548
-Probation?
-Yeah.
397
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:27,280
You gotta understand my position here,
last couple of Hank Hills I had.
398
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:30,254
One of them was a drug go,
the other quit on me.
399
00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:35,093
Say howdy to
our new Accessories Associate.
400
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:39,195
I am so happy
to be working with you, Hank.
401
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:42,357
[Shuddering]
402
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:46,237
Peggy's in the parking lot.
She looks disgruntled.
403
00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:47,931
[Tense instrumental music]
404
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,532
[Hank screaming]
405
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:05,481
MELINDA: Are we starting
a recycling program?
406
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:06,548
[Stuttering]
407
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:10,360
Not as such. No, it's...
408
00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:11,897
It's for...
409
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:15,794
Have you ever been to the doctor,
and the doctor gave you a cup?
410
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:18,129
Yes, but that was to pee in.
411
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:19,296
[Laughing nervously]
412
00:22:19,371 --> 00:22:20,463
Yeah.
413
00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:23,139
HANK: You can go now.
414
00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:27,077
JASON: Hank, if you don't give me another
cup, the Oak Ridge Boys are gonna die.
415
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:28,371
LEON: Oh, no!
416
00:22:28,421 --> 00:22:32,971
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