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1
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My name is Happy Gilmore.
2
00:00:55,602 --> 00:00:59,434
Ever since I was old enough to skate,
I loved hockey.
3
00:01:00,274 --> 00:01:03,191
I wasn't really
the greatest skater.
4
00:01:04,027 --> 00:01:06,945
But that didn't keep my dad
from teaching me...
5
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:09,569
the secret of making
a great slap shot.
6
00:01:11,952 --> 00:01:15,118
My dad worshipped hockey.
My mom didn't.
7
00:01:15,455 --> 00:01:20,450
So she moved to Egypt, where there's
not a hockey rink within 1500 miles.
8
00:01:21,169 --> 00:01:24,170
Dad took me to games
to see our favorite player...
9
00:01:24,422 --> 00:01:26,747
Terry O'Reilly,
"The Tasmanian Devil".
10
00:01:27,008 --> 00:01:31,171
He wasn't a big guy,
but he feared nobody, just like me.
11
00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:36,174
Handsome fellow, huh? He said
when I grew up, I could be anything.
12
00:01:36,434 --> 00:01:39,600
But all I ever wanted to be
was a hockey player.
13
00:01:40,688 --> 00:01:45,184
My childhood was going great,
but life is full of surprises.
14
00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:57,944
After the funeral, I was sent to live
with my grandma in Waterbury.
15
00:02:03,836 --> 00:02:07,039
I was nervous,
since I didn't know her that well.
16
00:02:08,048 --> 00:02:11,464
She dressed like Gene Simmons
from KISS to cheer me up.
17
00:02:11,718 --> 00:02:14,636
She's the sweetest person
in the world.
18
00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:21,060
After my dad died,
I developed a short fuse.
19
00:02:21,311 --> 00:02:23,303
That kid stole my party blower.
20
00:02:23,563 --> 00:02:27,643
Instead of asking for it back,
I hit him in the head repeatedly...
21
00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:28,564
with a hammer.
22
00:02:29,235 --> 00:02:32,818
Most of the time, I was quick to say
I was sorry.
23
00:02:34,657 --> 00:02:38,322
Years later, I played junior hockey
and still hold two league records...
24
00:02:38,578 --> 00:02:40,570
most time spent
in a penalty box...
25
00:02:40,830 --> 00:02:45,077
and I was the only guy to ever try
to stab someone with his skates.
26
00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:50,044
After I graduated, I had
a lot of different jobs.
27
00:02:50,131 --> 00:02:51,589
I was a road worker...
28
00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:55,253
a janitor...
29
00:02:59,098 --> 00:03:01,090
a security guard...
30
00:03:04,603 --> 00:03:06,761
a gas station attendant...
31
00:03:09,942 --> 00:03:11,768
and a plumber.
32
00:03:12,945 --> 00:03:16,776
Lately, I've been working
construction. It's not bad.
33
00:03:17,115 --> 00:03:18,942
I'm a good shot with a nail gun.
34
00:03:19,284 --> 00:03:24,278
But one day my boss, Mr. Larson,
got in the way.
35
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:29,328
Apparently, he also has a short fuse.
Look at the monster.
36
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:33,751
He got in a few lucky punches,
but I feel I won the fight.
37
00:03:34,007 --> 00:03:35,999
Anyway, those jobs
weren't for me.
38
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:40,091
I was put on this planet
for one reason... to play hockey.
39
00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:45,761
It's my puck, baby!
Don't you ever touch my puck!
40
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:50,765
Is that Gilmore again?
How many times has he tried out?
41
00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,434
At least ten times.
42
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,768
He has a lot of intensity.
43
00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,606
Not a strong skater, though.
44
00:03:58,781 --> 00:04:00,441
Nor the best puck handler.
45
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,365
But, my God...
46
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,618
What a shot.
47
00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:17,207
It that goal regulation size
or what?!
48
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,213
Number one...
49
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,888
number fifty-two... number sixteen...
50
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:30,226
They saw my power.
They won't dog me this year.
51
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,392
Number nine...
52
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:36,145
and number forty-three.
The rest of you...
53
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,726
better luck next year.
54
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:42,404
Coach, what's going on?
What about me?
55
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,069
Gilmore.
56
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:47,243
I called your number, didn't I?
57
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:49,156
No, you didn't.
58
00:04:50,414 --> 00:04:52,740
Well, better luck next year.
59
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,827
That wasn't very nice!
60
00:05:02,426 --> 00:05:04,253
You think you're better
than me?!
61
00:05:09,683 --> 00:05:11,261
Where you going? I got Subway.
62
00:05:11,518 --> 00:05:12,847
I already ate.
63
00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:16,769
I knew the guy working there,
so we got extra meatballs.
64
00:05:17,024 --> 00:05:18,850
Great. I got to run.
65
00:05:19,109 --> 00:05:21,267
Can you stay? I had a rough day.
66
00:05:21,528 --> 00:05:22,358
Bye.
67
00:05:22,612 --> 00:05:24,272
- When will you be back?
- Never.
68
00:05:31,204 --> 00:05:32,118
Terry, wait!
69
00:05:32,455 --> 00:05:35,125
Wait! Hold on a second, babe.
70
00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:38,284
You're not going for good,
are you?
71
00:05:38,545 --> 00:05:41,036
You're going nowhere
and taking me with you.
72
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:46,292
All you ever talk about is being a pro
hockey player, but you're not any good.
73
00:05:46,552 --> 00:05:50,384
I am good! You know what?
You're a lousy kindergarten teacher!
74
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,973
I saw the finger paintings
you bring home... they suck!
75
00:05:55,645 --> 00:06:00,306
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
They're excellent finger paintings.
76
00:06:00,816 --> 00:06:02,145
Please don't go.
77
00:06:02,401 --> 00:06:05,319
I'm not spending the rest of my life
with a loser.
78
00:06:05,571 --> 00:06:06,484
I'm gone.
79
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:11,317
Good! Get the hell out of my life!
Who needs you? Beat it!
80
00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:14,320
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
81
00:06:14,663 --> 00:06:17,498
I just yell
'cause I get so scared.
82
00:06:17,833 --> 00:06:20,158
Scared of being a nobody.
83
00:06:20,502 --> 00:06:23,836
Why don't you come back
upstairs, honey?
84
00:06:24,172 --> 00:06:27,506
I'll give you the old smoochy-smoo
kissy-wissy.
85
00:06:28,844 --> 00:06:32,343
You know Happy
will make everything okay.
86
00:06:39,688 --> 00:06:43,187
I want to kiss you all over
87
00:06:43,691 --> 00:06:45,767
And over and again
88
00:06:46,694 --> 00:06:50,028
I want to kiss you all over
89
00:06:52,867 --> 00:06:55,702
Till the night closes in
90
00:06:56,537 --> 00:06:59,372
Till the night closes in
91
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:02,454
Terry!
92
00:07:18,225 --> 00:07:20,218
Sit tight. I'll be right over.
93
00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:29,902
Hey, you don't want breakfast?
94
00:07:39,829 --> 00:07:40,576
Grandma?
95
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:45,992
Put that down!
It's my grandmother's!
96
00:07:46,252 --> 00:07:48,922
Cut it out, kid.
We're just doing our job.
97
00:07:49,172 --> 00:07:50,749
What are you talking about?
98
00:07:51,007 --> 00:07:53,580
Your grandmother
hasn't paid taxes in 10 years.
99
00:07:56,179 --> 00:07:58,504
Grandma, you didn't pay
your taxes?
100
00:07:58,765 --> 00:08:01,682
I would have,
but I didn't have any money.
101
00:08:02,935 --> 00:08:04,595
Where are you taking her stuff?
102
00:08:04,854 --> 00:08:07,523
I'm not taking her stuff,
the government is.
103
00:08:07,773 --> 00:08:11,605
It's not like I'm taking her stuff
over to my place.
104
00:08:11,944 --> 00:08:13,272
Don't get mad at me.
105
00:08:13,612 --> 00:08:17,610
But she's an old lady.
Look at her. She's old.
106
00:08:17,866 --> 00:08:21,033
You can't just take her stuff.
She's too old.
107
00:08:21,286 --> 00:08:25,284
I'm sorry. I have no discretion.
Her stuff is now our stuff.
108
00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:29,126
Well, at least we got the house.
109
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:32,960
I'll bring furniture from my place.
We'll be okay.
110
00:08:33,215 --> 00:08:36,631
Now you'll really be mad.
I'm taking the house, too.
111
00:08:36,968 --> 00:08:40,302
My grandfather built this house
with his bare hands.
112
00:08:40,555 --> 00:08:44,884
My grandma's been here over 60 years.
You can't take her house.
113
00:08:45,143 --> 00:08:49,805
Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS
$270,000 in back taxes.
114
00:08:50,148 --> 00:08:52,473
We have to take the house.
115
00:08:52,817 --> 00:08:57,479
If you can't repay the money in 90
days, we sell the house to someone else.
116
00:08:57,822 --> 00:08:59,150
You hate me, don't you?
117
00:08:59,824 --> 00:09:01,318
No, I don't hate you.
118
00:09:08,082 --> 00:09:09,327
He hates me.
119
00:09:12,712 --> 00:09:14,455
Don't worry-
things will be okay.
120
00:09:15,131 --> 00:09:16,459
Look at this place.
121
00:09:16,799 --> 00:09:21,128
Silver Acres Rest Home.
It looks more like a country club.
122
00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:23,628
Nice grass, nice people.
123
00:09:23,889 --> 00:09:26,131
I hope you brought
your bathing suit.
124
00:09:26,475 --> 00:09:29,144
You're going to make friends
in no time.
125
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,059
Mister!
126
00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:34,314
Get me out of here!!!
127
00:09:35,484 --> 00:09:38,485
Here, eat that! Leave us alone!
128
00:09:39,821 --> 00:09:42,312
Grandma, you could come
live with me.
129
00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:44,983
Nonsense, dear.
You're a grown man.
130
00:09:45,243 --> 00:09:48,742
I wouldn't burden you
like that and that's final.
131
00:09:48,997 --> 00:09:51,998
Tell me, how is that nice girlfriend
of yours?
132
00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:54,492
She got hit by a car.
She's dead.
133
00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:58,668
Listen, I will get that $270,000
and get your house back.
134
00:09:59,007 --> 00:10:00,169
I promise.
135
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,587
Oh, sure.
136
00:10:01,843 --> 00:10:05,840
In the meantime, just stay here
and have some fun.
137
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:08,007
I will, dear. Don't worry.
138
00:10:09,684 --> 00:10:12,353
Pardon me, but it's nap time.
139
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:14,847
Nap time... that sounds nice.
140
00:10:15,523 --> 00:10:17,681
- You go.
- I love you.
141
00:10:18,859 --> 00:10:20,852
I love you, too, darling.
142
00:10:23,364 --> 00:10:26,863
Buddy, do me a favor.
You see that lady?
143
00:10:27,201 --> 00:10:29,359
She's very important to me.
144
00:10:29,703 --> 00:10:33,037
I want you to take
extra special care of her.
145
00:10:33,373 --> 00:10:34,951
You know what I mean?
146
00:10:35,209 --> 00:10:38,293
I can't accept that.
But this is what I can do.
147
00:10:38,545 --> 00:10:42,543
I can take extra special care
of that young lady for nothing.
148
00:10:44,217 --> 00:10:46,210
I appreciate that.
149
00:10:47,053 --> 00:10:48,713
Have a nice afternoon.
150
00:10:49,306 --> 00:10:54,133
Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of
warm milk? It helps put me to sleep.
151
00:10:54,477 --> 00:10:57,644
You could trouble me for a warm glass
of shut the hell up.
152
00:10:59,566 --> 00:11:01,891
Go to sleep
or I will put you to sleep.
153
00:11:02,151 --> 00:11:05,485
Check out the name tag.
You're in my world now, Grandma.
154
00:11:05,738 --> 00:11:07,398
Oh, dear.
155
00:11:09,575 --> 00:11:12,576
Bet you I can hit a ball
past that tree.
156
00:11:12,912 --> 00:11:14,904
Twenty bucks says you can't.
157
00:11:15,164 --> 00:11:18,165
Morons, I told you I want to watch
the hockey game.
158
00:11:18,417 --> 00:11:20,908
Cut the golf sissy crap
and finish up.
159
00:11:21,253 --> 00:11:22,249
Oh, relax.
160
00:11:22,505 --> 00:11:26,170
You can enjoy your grandma's
possessions for another half hour.
161
00:11:28,928 --> 00:11:31,597
Oh, you got a hold of that one!
162
00:11:31,764 --> 00:11:34,433
- You try it.
- It's not as easy as it looks.
163
00:11:34,683 --> 00:11:37,091
Sorry, ladies.
I'm not the golfing type.
164
00:11:37,352 --> 00:11:39,594
You hit a ball past my ball...
165
00:11:39,855 --> 00:11:43,354
we'll finish work so you can watch
your hockey game.
166
00:11:43,608 --> 00:11:45,601
Give me the stupid club.
167
00:11:51,616 --> 00:11:53,276
Look at this stupid thing.
168
00:11:53,535 --> 00:11:57,034
This will be hilarious.
Look how he's standing.
169
00:11:57,789 --> 00:11:59,449
You like that?
170
00:12:13,554 --> 00:12:15,048
Holy shit.
171
00:12:15,306 --> 00:12:16,136
Back to work.
172
00:12:16,390 --> 00:12:18,217
That house is 400 yards away.
173
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:19,389
Is that good?
174
00:12:19,644 --> 00:12:22,217
- That's unbelievable.
- Beginner's luck.
175
00:12:22,897 --> 00:12:24,724
I bet $20 you can't do it again.
176
00:12:24,982 --> 00:12:26,310
Bring it on.
177
00:12:39,663 --> 00:12:41,905
You boys are going to pay
for that...
178
00:12:44,251 --> 00:12:46,920
- You hit him!
- He shouldn't have been standing there.
179
00:12:47,254 --> 00:12:49,579
One more time.
Double or nothing.
180
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,168
You better pay up.
181
00:13:01,351 --> 00:13:04,684
Oops. Maybe we should
get back inside.
182
00:13:05,021 --> 00:13:07,690
You made a bet. Pay the man.
183
00:13:25,708 --> 00:13:27,535
Thanks. Tell your friends.
184
00:13:27,877 --> 00:13:29,869
Step right up, folks!
185
00:13:30,129 --> 00:13:34,956
See if you can outdrive the amazing
Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!
186
00:13:37,886 --> 00:13:39,713
That's great.
187
00:13:40,222 --> 00:13:41,301
Very good.
188
00:13:42,474 --> 00:13:46,554
Bend your knees. Remember,
it's in the hips. You're doing great.
189
00:13:46,895 --> 00:13:48,473
It's in the hips.
190
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:51,304
Fifty bucks I can hit it
over the highway.
191
00:14:00,158 --> 00:14:02,151
That's real good.
192
00:14:03,578 --> 00:14:05,736
So long, sucker.
193
00:14:10,585 --> 00:14:12,578
How often do you play?
194
00:14:12,837 --> 00:14:14,166
This is my first time.
195
00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:18,080
You should play
in the Waterbury Open tomorrow.
196
00:14:18,342 --> 00:14:20,335
Yeah, right, I'll see you there.
197
00:14:24,599 --> 00:14:26,259
He's going to play.
198
00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:29,093
And, by God, he's going to win.
199
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,441
Mister, you need a helmet.
200
00:14:41,699 --> 00:14:43,276
Don't worry about it.
201
00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:51,533
Yeah, bring that shit on.
202
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:53,622
I love it.
203
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,455
Awesome.
204
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:58,121
God, that hurt, but I'm okay.
205
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,125
What the hell are you doing?
206
00:15:00,383 --> 00:15:04,215
Just 364 more days till the next
hockey tryouts. I got to get tough.
207
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:07,967
God, that felt good.
208
00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:10,466
Cut that out.
You're making me sick.
209
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,805
So you're a hockey player.
210
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:18,065
You got to give that up
and concentrate on golf.
211
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,313
Who are you?
212
00:15:19,569 --> 00:15:22,060
I'm the club pro here...
Chubbs Peterson.
213
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:26,651
I'm offering to teach you
how to play golf, personally, for free.
214
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:27,905
No.
215
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,987
You don't know who I am, do you?
216
00:15:30,246 --> 00:15:31,574
No, I don't.
217
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:33,991
Back in 1965...
218
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:38,165
Sports Illustrated said I would be
the next Arnold Palmer.
219
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:39,416
What happened?
220
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,913
I wasn't allowed
to play pro anymore.
221
00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:44,416
I'm sorry. Because you're black?
222
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,428
Hell, no.
An alligator bit my hand off.
223
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:49,009
Oh, my God!
224
00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:52,681
Tournament in Florida.
My ball went down by a lake.
225
00:15:52,935 --> 00:15:57,181
Damn alligator just popped up!
Cut me down in my prime.
226
00:15:57,522 --> 00:16:01,769
But I tore one of that bastard's eyes
out. Look at that.
227
00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:04,187
You're pretty sick, Chubbs.
228
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:06,023
I've never seen anyone...
229
00:16:06,281 --> 00:16:09,946
who can hit the ball
half as far as you. You got real talent.
230
00:16:10,201 --> 00:16:14,697
That's nice of you to say, but
I trained all my life to play hockey.
231
00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:18,373
Golf is no different... requires talent,
self-discipline.
232
00:16:18,793 --> 00:16:21,284
Golf requires goofy pants
and a fat ass.
233
00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:24,463
Talk to my neighbor... a great golfer.
Huge ass.
234
00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:28,381
I bet your neighbor can't drive
the ball 400 yards.
235
00:16:28,719 --> 00:16:33,132
I bet your neighbor doesn't have a shot
to get on the Pro Tour.
236
00:16:34,058 --> 00:16:35,386
How would I do that?
237
00:16:35,643 --> 00:16:38,727
You win the Open tomorrow,
you're on the Pro Tour.
238
00:16:38,979 --> 00:16:42,146
Then, who knows? Maybe you'll win
the Tour Championship.
239
00:16:42,733 --> 00:16:44,476
Get that gold jacket
I never got.
240
00:16:44,902 --> 00:16:47,393
Gold jacket, green jacket...
who cares?
241
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:55,743
Don't worry. It's made of wood...
real sturdy.
242
00:17:01,418 --> 00:17:03,411
Sorry about that.
243
00:17:03,754 --> 00:17:06,589
It was good to meet you,
but, uh...
244
00:17:08,341 --> 00:17:10,001
I'm out of here.
245
00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:12,418
This is not real smart, kid.
246
00:17:12,679 --> 00:17:16,012
I thought you were pro material,
primed for the big bucks.
247
00:17:23,439 --> 00:17:24,435
Hey, Chubbs...
248
00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:26,601
what kind of big bucks?
249
00:17:33,616 --> 00:17:37,115
Stupid golf clubs.
Why the hell am I doing this?
250
00:17:40,956 --> 00:17:43,626
Whoa... must be Burt Reynolds
or something.
251
00:17:46,295 --> 00:17:47,623
Good morning!
252
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:52,294
Isn't this great? Blue skies,
fresh-cut grass, birds chirping.
253
00:17:52,551 --> 00:17:57,047
You going to recite me a poem?
Geez, you love this golf stuff.
254
00:17:57,723 --> 00:18:01,056
A guy your size... why not play
a real sport, like football?
255
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:04,476
My mama wouldn't let me.
Said it was too dangerous.
256
00:18:04,813 --> 00:18:06,473
Yeah, good call.
257
00:18:07,232 --> 00:18:08,726
Hey, who's that?
258
00:18:09,317 --> 00:18:13,149
The shorter guy is Doug Thompson,
president of the Tour.
259
00:18:13,488 --> 00:18:17,568
The other guy is Shooter McGavin,
leading money winner this year.
260
00:18:17,993 --> 00:18:19,072
Who's the girl?
261
00:18:19,327 --> 00:18:22,992
I'm Virginia Venit, Director
of Public Relations for the Tour.
262
00:18:23,248 --> 00:18:27,744
Of course. I've heard you've done
some really interesting things.
263
00:18:28,002 --> 00:18:30,837
Right now I'm working
on a promotion...
264
00:18:31,172 --> 00:18:34,671
You know what would be great?
If I could get a Pepsi.
265
00:18:35,176 --> 00:18:36,255
Sure.
266
00:18:37,845 --> 00:18:39,339
Oh, miss?
267
00:18:39,931 --> 00:18:40,926
Diet.
268
00:18:41,849 --> 00:18:43,177
Right.
269
00:18:44,268 --> 00:18:47,103
Hey, thanks for dressing up.
270
00:18:47,354 --> 00:18:51,019
If I wore clothes like those,
I'd have to kick my own ass.
271
00:18:51,358 --> 00:18:52,687
Good morning, everyone.
272
00:18:53,027 --> 00:18:57,688
Welcome to the Waterbury Open.
Before we begin, I have a treat for you.
273
00:18:57,948 --> 00:19:00,190
Ladies and gentlemen,
Shooter McGavin.
274
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:09,957
Thank you, Doug.
I saw Doug play yesterday.
275
00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:13,626
He spends more time in the sand
than David Hasselhoff.
276
00:19:14,047 --> 00:19:16,538
Let me get serious.
You're all aware...
277
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,963
today's winner will be invited
to join the Pro Tour.
278
00:19:21,221 --> 00:19:23,972
Although only one will become
my colleague...
279
00:19:24,224 --> 00:19:26,382
all of you are now my friends.
280
00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:32,388
Thank you. Now go get 'em!
281
00:19:34,901 --> 00:19:39,895
Next up: Lafferty, Daniel
and Gilmore... Happy.
282
00:19:42,408 --> 00:19:44,566
Where you taking
those clubs, punk?!
283
00:19:46,996 --> 00:19:48,656
Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy.
284
00:19:49,081 --> 00:19:51,406
Sorry. I'll carry these.
285
00:19:51,459 --> 00:19:53,581
They're my grandfather's.
They're pretty old.
286
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:56,578
What should I do then?
287
00:19:56,922 --> 00:19:59,081
Why don't you just watch me...
288
00:19:59,341 --> 00:20:02,093
and make sure
I don't do anything stupid?
289
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,515
Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty
is teeing off now.
290
00:20:07,766 --> 00:20:09,759
Okay. Good luck, buddy.
291
00:20:11,436 --> 00:20:13,014
Get out of the way.
292
00:20:21,446 --> 00:20:23,439
Where were you that time,
dipshit?
293
00:20:37,295 --> 00:20:39,620
Probably the best I'll hit
all day.
294
00:20:39,964 --> 00:20:41,791
Mr. Gilmore, you're up.
295
00:21:04,071 --> 00:21:05,067
Damn it!
296
00:21:07,157 --> 00:21:08,236
Time!
297
00:21:09,076 --> 00:21:12,242
Relax. Do what we discussed.
Don't look at the green.
298
00:21:12,496 --> 00:21:15,662
Hit the ball. There's no goalie
anywhere to block it.
299
00:21:15,916 --> 00:21:19,498
Remember, it's all in the hip.
Come on. Work with me.
300
00:21:19,836 --> 00:21:23,170
It's all in the hips.
All in the hips.
301
00:21:23,507 --> 00:21:25,997
It's all in the hips.
302
00:21:26,343 --> 00:21:27,338
Get off me!
303
00:21:27,594 --> 00:21:30,595
Just easing the tension.
Just easing the tension.
304
00:21:30,847 --> 00:21:33,089
Well, ease it on someone else.
305
00:21:51,534 --> 00:21:53,194
What the hell?
306
00:21:57,039 --> 00:21:59,364
Good. Now we just worry
about putting.
307
00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:01,203
Oh, yeah. Putting.
308
00:22:03,212 --> 00:22:05,204
Remember what I said.
309
00:22:05,464 --> 00:22:08,381
Use your shoulders
to push the ball, not the arms.
310
00:22:08,634 --> 00:22:10,294
Don't break the wrist.
311
00:22:10,552 --> 00:22:14,882
Whoa, you're confusing me.
Just let me put the ball in the hole.
312
00:22:29,905 --> 00:22:30,900
Is he kidding?
313
00:22:51,425 --> 00:22:52,920
This is pathetic.
314
00:23:06,857 --> 00:23:08,268
Good shot.
315
00:23:08,609 --> 00:23:09,605
It's about time.
316
00:23:09,777 --> 00:23:14,439
True. I just couldn't get the ball in
the hole. I wanted to, but I couldn't.
317
00:23:45,311 --> 00:23:47,802
He shoots, he scores!
318
00:23:48,314 --> 00:23:53,142
That was much easier than putting.
I should try and do that every time.
319
00:23:53,486 --> 00:23:54,814
Good plan.
320
00:23:55,071 --> 00:23:57,063
- Did you see that?
- Yes. Nice.
321
00:23:57,323 --> 00:23:59,814
He got a hole in one
on a par four.
322
00:24:00,076 --> 00:24:01,404
I said I saw it.
323
00:24:01,661 --> 00:24:04,827
I hope he wins.
He's a publicist's dream.
324
00:24:05,164 --> 00:24:09,493
A guy who can drive the ball
that far... he could really draw a crowd.
325
00:24:09,752 --> 00:24:13,749
So could a golfer with an arm
growing out of his ass.
326
00:25:25,576 --> 00:25:29,075
Now, you make this one
in four or less shots...
327
00:25:29,413 --> 00:25:30,907
you win the tournament.
328
00:25:31,081 --> 00:25:32,077
Four shots.
329
00:25:33,083 --> 00:25:37,081
Think of it this way. The other team
has pulled their goalie.
330
00:25:37,420 --> 00:25:40,920
It's wide open.
All you have to do is tap it in.
331
00:25:41,758 --> 00:25:43,252
I can do that.
332
00:26:02,612 --> 00:26:04,770
Don't worry. You're doing fine.
333
00:26:05,114 --> 00:26:08,779
All you have to do is tap it in.
Just tap it in.
334
00:26:09,785 --> 00:26:11,944
Just tap it in.
335
00:26:18,294 --> 00:26:22,955
Just tap it in. Just tap it in.
Give it a little tappy.
336
00:26:23,298 --> 00:26:24,793
Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.
337
00:26:28,971 --> 00:26:30,631
Grandma, Grandma...
338
00:26:30,973 --> 00:26:33,131
Grandma, Grandma.
339
00:26:36,395 --> 00:26:37,805
All right!
340
00:26:48,823 --> 00:26:51,314
He's going to be on the Tour.
Super.
341
00:26:54,829 --> 00:26:56,656
That's cute.
342
00:26:57,665 --> 00:27:02,493
Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit.
I'm P.R. Director of the Tour.
343
00:27:02,837 --> 00:27:03,833
Nice to meet you.
344
00:27:04,088 --> 00:27:05,582
Congratulations.
345
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,588
I saw that hole in one on a par four.
That must be a record.
346
00:27:09,844 --> 00:27:11,836
I got a hockey record.
347
00:27:12,096 --> 00:27:15,844
I tried to stab someone with my skate.
Nobody else ever did that.
348
00:27:16,517 --> 00:27:17,680
That's wonderful.
349
00:27:17,935 --> 00:27:20,936
I am a bit bummed.
I thought we got money for this.
350
00:27:21,188 --> 00:27:26,183
Cheer up. Next week in Portland,
the winner takes home $216,000.
351
00:27:26,944 --> 00:27:28,521
And the guy who comes in last?
352
00:27:29,196 --> 00:27:30,524
$2,400.
353
00:27:30,781 --> 00:27:33,450
So no matter what,
I'll get some money.
354
00:27:37,037 --> 00:27:40,536
Yeah. Well, I'll see you
next week then.
355
00:27:41,041 --> 00:27:42,369
Bye.
356
00:27:45,212 --> 00:27:48,545
I hate to admit this,
but this is my first trophy.
357
00:27:48,882 --> 00:27:51,373
I wish that goofy golf guy
wasn't on top.
358
00:27:51,426 --> 00:27:53,798
Maybe I'll put a hockey guy
on instead.
359
00:27:54,054 --> 00:27:55,880
Happy, shut your trap.
360
00:27:56,389 --> 00:27:58,714
- You were great out there today.
- Thank you.
361
00:27:58,975 --> 00:28:01,892
But not that great.
A lot of that was luck.
362
00:28:02,145 --> 00:28:04,980
Some might call it luck.
I like to call it...
363
00:28:05,231 --> 00:28:07,224
well, luck, I guess. So what?
364
00:28:07,483 --> 00:28:09,392
Don't join the Pro Tour yet.
365
00:28:09,902 --> 00:28:12,572
We got work to do
before you go against professionals.
366
00:28:12,822 --> 00:28:15,491
Forget it.
I'll pick up the rest as I go.
367
00:28:15,741 --> 00:28:19,739
Don't be a fool! People would kill
to hit the long ball like you.
368
00:28:19,995 --> 00:28:22,747
You got an advantage
over any other golfer.
369
00:28:22,998 --> 00:28:25,324
By developing the rest
of your game...
370
00:28:25,584 --> 00:28:27,244
you'd be unstoppable.
371
00:28:27,586 --> 00:28:29,911
You're right, but I need money.
372
00:28:30,255 --> 00:28:34,917
Don't be an asshole. Give me six
months. I'll work with you every day.
373
00:28:35,594 --> 00:28:40,422
No, I got to go. I appreciate
everything. Wish me luck.
374
00:28:44,603 --> 00:28:46,845
Best of luck, kid. Best of luck.
375
00:28:47,105 --> 00:28:50,106
Marty, shut up
and I'll tell you.
376
00:28:50,442 --> 00:28:52,933
The price is $200 per quilt.
377
00:28:53,194 --> 00:28:55,864
Well, this is handmade
quality shit.
378
00:28:56,281 --> 00:28:58,950
When do you need them by? Okay.
379
00:28:59,284 --> 00:29:00,944
Good doing business with you.
380
00:29:01,202 --> 00:29:04,536
Okay, everyone. Turn up your volumes.
Announcement.
381
00:29:04,789 --> 00:29:07,956
Good news... arts and crafts time
is extended 4 hours.
382
00:29:08,209 --> 00:29:09,869
My fingers hurt.
383
00:29:10,211 --> 00:29:11,539
What's that?
384
00:29:12,296 --> 00:29:13,956
My fingers hurt.
385
00:29:15,967 --> 00:29:20,130
Well, soon your back will hurt
because you just got landscaping duty.
386
00:29:20,638 --> 00:29:22,298
Anyone else's fingers hurt?
387
00:29:24,225 --> 00:29:25,553
I didn't think so.
388
00:29:27,645 --> 00:29:30,314
Why do you make me act
like that, huh?
389
00:29:30,648 --> 00:29:33,648
Mr. Gilmore!
Toidy's to the right, dear.
390
00:29:33,901 --> 00:29:36,818
- How's Grandma?
- Super. It's arts and crafts time.
391
00:29:37,071 --> 00:29:38,814
Grandma is quite a quilter.
392
00:29:39,990 --> 00:29:41,899
That's a tremendous trophy.
393
00:29:42,159 --> 00:29:44,650
Happy, I'm so glad to see you.
394
00:29:44,911 --> 00:29:46,406
I'm glad to see you, too.
395
00:29:46,663 --> 00:29:48,988
I think about you all the time.
396
00:29:49,332 --> 00:29:52,002
Looks like everyone's
having fun here.
397
00:29:57,007 --> 00:30:00,340
Good news... I made
the Professional Golfers' Tour.
398
00:30:00,593 --> 00:30:01,756
That's lovely.
399
00:30:02,011 --> 00:30:04,502
You know what else is lovely?
400
00:30:04,848 --> 00:30:09,011
If I can beat those other guys...
we'll get the house back.
401
00:30:09,352 --> 00:30:13,599
Oh, thank God! I can't stand to live
in this place another minute!
402
00:30:13,856 --> 00:30:15,683
I thought you liked it here.
403
00:30:16,025 --> 00:30:18,694
That orderly is nice.
Don't you like him?
404
00:30:19,028 --> 00:30:20,356
Oh, I do.
405
00:30:20,613 --> 00:30:25,109
It's just that the air conditioner's
broken. I'm getting a little warm.
406
00:30:25,368 --> 00:30:27,526
Let the kid fix it for you.
407
00:30:28,037 --> 00:30:30,528
Get the little twisty knobs.
408
00:30:32,041 --> 00:30:34,532
That ain't doing it. Okay.
409
00:30:38,047 --> 00:30:39,873
Mister! Mister!
410
00:30:40,215 --> 00:30:42,541
Get this off of me! Mister!
411
00:30:42,885 --> 00:30:44,379
I'll be right down!
412
00:30:45,053 --> 00:30:49,217
You know that "Mister, mister" lady?
I think I killed her.
413
00:31:01,903 --> 00:31:05,901
Norman spends more time in the sand
than David Hasselhoff.
414
00:31:07,158 --> 00:31:08,487
Come on, that was funny.
415
00:31:08,743 --> 00:31:11,412
- It was the first time I heard it.
- Drink up.
416
00:31:11,746 --> 00:31:16,242
Anyone tapped the keg yet?
I'll pump. I'm Happy Gilmore.
417
00:31:16,501 --> 00:31:18,659
Mark Lye. Welcome to the Tour.
418
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,336
I heard about the ace you had
on a par four. Impressive.
419
00:31:22,590 --> 00:31:24,250
You heard about that?
420
00:31:24,592 --> 00:31:26,917
Cool. That's a nice jacket.
421
00:31:27,261 --> 00:31:30,096
You get one if you win
the Tour Championship.
422
00:31:30,347 --> 00:31:32,340
Oh, yeah? What's that?
423
00:31:32,683 --> 00:31:34,925
Only the biggest tournament
of the year.
424
00:31:35,186 --> 00:31:37,855
Oh, really? Where's yours?
425
00:31:38,105 --> 00:31:41,937
Good one. He's funny.
I'll have mine in three months.
426
00:31:42,276 --> 00:31:43,936
Not if I have anything
to do with it.
427
00:31:44,278 --> 00:31:46,270
Whoa, look out.
428
00:31:46,780 --> 00:31:48,109
You better look out.
429
00:31:48,448 --> 00:31:51,615
If you're free, join us at 9:00
on the ninth green.
430
00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:54,703
- What happens there?
- Secret of the pros.
431
00:31:54,955 --> 00:31:56,449
All right, cool.
432
00:31:56,790 --> 00:32:01,784
I'm out of here. I hear the Asteroids
machine calling my name. Peace.
433
00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:04,786
And, Happy... dress nice, huh?
434
00:32:05,131 --> 00:32:06,791
All right, all right.
435
00:32:17,143 --> 00:32:18,970
Almost nine o'clock.
436
00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:44,252
Public relations lady,
you seen Shooter McGavin?
437
00:32:44,503 --> 00:32:47,172
- No. Why?
- I need to beat the piss out of him.
438
00:32:47,423 --> 00:32:50,589
Let me guess... the ninth green
at nine trick.
439
00:32:50,843 --> 00:32:52,502
It would appear so.
440
00:32:52,761 --> 00:32:54,339
He does deserve a beating.
441
00:32:54,596 --> 00:32:58,594
But if you beat him up,
I'll have to explain to the papers...
442
00:32:58,850 --> 00:33:03,014
why the new guy beat up
Shooter McGavin. More work for me.
443
00:33:03,271 --> 00:33:04,682
I don't want to do that.
444
00:33:04,940 --> 00:33:08,106
Forget about Shooter.
He's just threatened by you.
445
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,685
He's afraid you'll steal
his thunder.
446
00:33:11,029 --> 00:33:12,856
That's nice of you to say.
447
00:33:15,033 --> 00:33:18,366
So, I'm going to go change now.
448
00:33:20,038 --> 00:33:23,786
My girlfriend's dead. She fell off
a cliff and died on impact.
449
00:33:24,042 --> 00:33:26,283
Really? I'm sorry to hear that.
450
00:33:28,546 --> 00:33:32,626
You should get some sleep.
Tomorrow's a big day.
451
00:33:33,050 --> 00:33:34,710
You're right. It is.
452
00:33:46,397 --> 00:33:49,066
Hello. I'm Verne Lundquist,
with Jack Beard.
453
00:33:49,316 --> 00:33:53,314
We have a nice crowd here
on this sun-sational April morning...
454
00:33:53,570 --> 00:33:56,240
for the 22nd annual
AT&T Invitational.
455
00:33:56,573 --> 00:33:59,740
Here today are elite golfers
from around the world.
456
00:33:59,993 --> 00:34:04,240
The favorite is Shooter McGavin.
He's won three of the last four.
457
00:34:08,084 --> 00:34:09,744
Thanks, man.
458
00:34:10,587 --> 00:34:11,915
Here's my last buck.
459
00:34:12,172 --> 00:34:13,832
This is the last time.
460
00:34:14,090 --> 00:34:17,922
He's just trying to make some money.
Leave him alone.
461
00:34:19,929 --> 00:34:21,922
I don't know why I'm winning.
462
00:34:22,265 --> 00:34:25,349
I'm in the zone.
The hole seems to get bigger.
463
00:34:25,601 --> 00:34:27,012
You like being the favorite?
464
00:34:27,270 --> 00:34:30,686
I'm not. With the great players here,
anyone could win.
465
00:34:30,940 --> 00:34:32,434
I'll just do my best.
466
00:34:32,692 --> 00:34:36,524
The real favorite is Portland. Every
time I visit, it's harder to leave.
467
00:34:36,779 --> 00:34:39,780
Must be something in the water.
Well, time to play golf.
468
00:34:40,032 --> 00:34:41,277
Good luck.
469
00:34:42,201 --> 00:34:45,036
I'm a hockey player
playing golf today.
470
00:34:45,287 --> 00:34:46,283
Name?
471
00:34:46,539 --> 00:34:47,701
Happy Gilmore.
472
00:34:48,123 --> 00:34:49,783
The guy with the long drive.
473
00:34:50,042 --> 00:34:53,043
- Caddy's name?
- You haven't given me one yet.
474
00:34:53,295 --> 00:34:55,620
On the Pro Tour,
you provide your own.
475
00:34:56,131 --> 00:34:57,460
Really?
476
00:34:59,301 --> 00:35:00,464
Okay.
477
00:35:02,638 --> 00:35:05,473
Easy with those clubs.
They're antiques.
478
00:35:07,809 --> 00:35:10,644
Gary Potter. Great to have you
on the Tour.
479
00:35:10,896 --> 00:35:15,392
I feel a lot of solid energy coming
out of you. Good positive aura.
480
00:35:15,650 --> 00:35:17,310
Nice to meet you.
481
00:35:17,652 --> 00:35:20,986
Is it always like this... TV cameras,
people and stuff?
482
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:23,730
Yeah, a lot of pressure.
Rise above it.
483
00:35:23,992 --> 00:35:26,909
Harness in the good energy,
block out the bad.
484
00:35:27,161 --> 00:35:29,320
Harness energy, block bad.
485
00:35:29,664 --> 00:35:32,333
Feel the flow, Happy.
It's circular.
486
00:35:32,667 --> 00:35:34,161
It's like a carousel.
487
00:35:34,502 --> 00:35:37,419
You get on the horse.
It goes up, down and around.
488
00:35:37,672 --> 00:35:41,835
Circular. Circle. With the music,
the flow. All good things.
489
00:35:42,343 --> 00:35:45,510
Okay. Well, great. Thanks.
Nice to meet you.
490
00:35:46,347 --> 00:35:47,675
Psycho.
491
00:35:48,182 --> 00:35:50,507
Next to tee off, Happy Gilmore.
492
00:35:52,186 --> 00:35:53,846
Give me a club.
493
00:35:55,689 --> 00:35:57,018
I'll get it.
494
00:36:09,036 --> 00:36:12,535
Fu..., sh..., fu..., ass...
495
00:36:21,881 --> 00:36:23,044
Sorry.
496
00:36:28,054 --> 00:36:29,050
Psycho.
497
00:36:45,404 --> 00:36:48,074
What a shot by Happy Gilmore!
498
00:36:48,407 --> 00:36:50,234
Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?
499
00:37:12,806 --> 00:37:14,300
Oh, yeah!
500
00:37:16,143 --> 00:37:17,305
I got it!
501
00:37:19,145 --> 00:37:20,141
Like that, baby?
502
00:37:20,397 --> 00:37:23,066
Plenty more
where that came from!
503
00:37:25,151 --> 00:37:27,393
Get Virginia Venit in here, now.
504
00:37:27,654 --> 00:37:29,148
Use a five iron.
505
00:37:29,405 --> 00:37:31,813
You think so? Give me my wedge.
506
00:37:45,671 --> 00:37:49,005
Five iron, huh?
You're fired. Bye-bye.
507
00:38:03,439 --> 00:38:08,100
What are you doing, Happy... riding
a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!
508
00:38:14,199 --> 00:38:17,864
Doing the bull dance.
Feeling the flow. Working it.
509
00:38:18,203 --> 00:38:21,370
On the 18th green, Shooter McGavin
putts for the win.
510
00:38:21,623 --> 00:38:25,870
His crowd seems unusually small
for this type of moment.
511
00:38:31,549 --> 00:38:34,384
Most people are over watching
Happy Gilmore.
512
00:38:34,636 --> 00:38:36,296
He's the talk of the course...
513
00:38:36,554 --> 00:38:39,970
with his huge drives
and bizarre behavior.
514
00:38:40,224 --> 00:38:44,554
He's on the 17th green right now,
having trouble closing out his day.
515
00:38:44,896 --> 00:38:49,392
Happy, the ball has its own energy
or life force, if you will.
516
00:38:49,734 --> 00:38:52,735
Its natural environment
is in the hole.
517
00:38:52,987 --> 00:38:54,730
Why don't you send him home?
518
00:38:55,406 --> 00:38:58,241
His bags are packed.
He has his plane ticket.
519
00:38:58,576 --> 00:39:00,236
Bring him to the airport.
520
00:39:00,828 --> 00:39:01,990
Send him home.
521
00:39:03,414 --> 00:39:05,905
Send him home.
I'll send him home.
522
00:39:06,250 --> 00:39:08,741
It's time to go home, ball.
523
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,840
Son of a bitch ball!
Why didn't you go home?!
524
00:39:16,093 --> 00:39:20,256
That's your home! Are you too good
for your home?! Answer me!
525
00:39:20,597 --> 00:39:23,005
Suck my white ass, ball!
526
00:39:29,272 --> 00:39:33,270
Draft a press release stating Gilmore
is being thrown off the Tour.
527
00:39:33,526 --> 00:39:35,186
I want to see it by 6:00 P.M.
528
00:39:35,445 --> 00:39:39,608
You're right... his behavior is
completely unacceptable.
529
00:39:39,949 --> 00:39:43,283
But golf has been waiting
for a player like this.
530
00:39:43,620 --> 00:39:46,289
A colorful, emotional,
working class hero.
531
00:39:46,539 --> 00:39:49,706
I will not tolerate this behavior.
Gilmore is gone.
532
00:39:49,959 --> 00:39:51,786
I got a call
from the Dallas Open.
533
00:39:52,044 --> 00:39:55,709
They're deluged with calls
from people who want to see Happy.
534
00:39:55,965 --> 00:39:57,957
- They sold out.
- Already?
535
00:39:58,300 --> 00:40:01,551
I know he's a little rough.
Let me work with him.
536
00:40:03,806 --> 00:40:07,305
Okay. Fine.
But he's your responsibility.
537
00:40:07,643 --> 00:40:09,635
If he cleans up, he can stay.
538
00:40:09,895 --> 00:40:12,137
If he doesn't, it's your ass.
539
00:40:12,481 --> 00:40:14,141
And any more of this...
540
00:40:17,653 --> 00:40:19,147
and he's gone.
541
00:40:27,162 --> 00:40:28,490
Shooter! Shooter!
542
00:40:28,747 --> 00:40:30,905
What do you think
of Happy Gilmore?
543
00:40:31,166 --> 00:40:34,416
I didn't see him play.
I was too busy winning.
544
00:40:34,669 --> 00:40:36,828
But a 450-yard drive
is impressive.
545
00:40:37,088 --> 00:40:41,501
Yeah. Where did he finish again?
Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day.
546
00:40:41,843 --> 00:40:43,420
Did he really make
a 450-yard ace?
547
00:40:43,678 --> 00:40:45,006
Where's my check?
548
00:40:45,263 --> 00:40:46,591
We mail them next week.
549
00:40:46,848 --> 00:40:48,176
I want mine now.
550
00:40:48,433 --> 00:40:49,761
I don't have any checks.
551
00:40:50,017 --> 00:40:53,517
He got one. Give me
one of them big ones, I don't care.
552
00:40:55,690 --> 00:40:57,018
Give me a beer, pal.
553
00:40:57,358 --> 00:40:58,686
Put that on my tab.
554
00:40:58,943 --> 00:41:01,778
You were the talk
of the tournament, Gilmore.
555
00:41:02,029 --> 00:41:03,607
Wow, thanks a lot.
556
00:41:03,864 --> 00:41:08,194
You sure crush the ball at the tee.
You'd do well in a long-drive contest.
557
00:41:08,452 --> 00:41:12,201
You'd make good money, traveling,
hustling at driving ranges.
558
00:41:12,456 --> 00:41:15,125
I know what you're doing
right now...
559
00:41:15,376 --> 00:41:20,370
and I don't like it. So just shut
your trap before I put my foot in it.
560
00:41:22,716 --> 00:41:26,714
Don't turn your back on me.
Listen, this is Shooter's tour.
561
00:41:27,054 --> 00:41:30,220
I worked hard, paid my dues...
now it's Shooter's turn.
562
00:41:30,474 --> 00:41:34,720
Shooter won't let his reign at the top
be spoiled by some freak.
563
00:41:35,061 --> 00:41:36,472
Did you call me a freak?
564
00:41:37,063 --> 00:41:39,637
I was on this tour for one reason...
money.
565
00:41:39,733 --> 00:41:42,058
Now I got a new one...
kicking your ass.
566
00:41:42,402 --> 00:41:44,893
I'd like to see you try.
567
00:41:45,905 --> 00:41:46,901
Let's do it.
568
00:41:48,074 --> 00:41:49,402
I meant at golf.
569
00:41:49,659 --> 00:41:51,319
What's going on here?
570
00:41:51,577 --> 00:41:54,329
I was looking for the other half
of this bottle.
571
00:41:54,580 --> 00:41:57,415
Oh, there's some of it
right there.
572
00:41:57,667 --> 00:41:59,992
- Why don't you put it down?
- I know.
573
00:42:01,087 --> 00:42:05,084
Just stay out of my way.
Or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
574
00:42:05,591 --> 00:42:07,584
Why don't I go eat some hay?
575
00:42:07,843 --> 00:42:11,177
I could make things out of clay
and lay by the bay.
576
00:42:11,430 --> 00:42:12,924
What do you say?
577
00:42:17,770 --> 00:42:20,439
Calm down or you'll get kicked
off the Tour.
578
00:42:20,773 --> 00:42:23,773
- That can't happen.
- It can, and I don't want it to.
579
00:42:24,109 --> 00:42:25,603
You could be a big star.
580
00:42:25,861 --> 00:42:27,853
I just want to make some money.
581
00:42:28,113 --> 00:42:31,446
You won't be around long enough
to do that if you don't behave.
582
00:42:31,700 --> 00:42:33,527
What do you mean by "behave"?
583
00:42:33,785 --> 00:42:36,110
No swearing,
no throwing clubs...
584
00:42:36,371 --> 00:42:39,040
and especially no hitting
other players.
585
00:42:39,291 --> 00:42:41,117
You mean no fun.
586
00:42:41,376 --> 00:42:42,954
You can have fun.
587
00:42:43,211 --> 00:42:47,873
That's why I think people come
to see you. But keep it within reason.
588
00:42:48,967 --> 00:42:53,794
I will work on what you call behaving.
But I won't act like a stiff.
589
00:42:54,138 --> 00:42:56,297
Fine. Thank you.
590
00:42:57,809 --> 00:42:59,303
Hey, um...
591
00:42:59,811 --> 00:43:01,471
you want to get some food?
592
00:43:01,813 --> 00:43:04,482
No, thanks.
I don't date golfers.
593
00:43:04,815 --> 00:43:06,725
Good. I'm a hockey player.
594
00:43:09,153 --> 00:43:11,478
Just behave, okay?
595
00:43:14,658 --> 00:43:18,822
Happy Gilmore approaches the tee
in the 72nd annual Cleveland Classic.
596
00:43:19,163 --> 00:43:22,164
Happy Gilmore!
Drive it 400 yards!
597
00:43:22,499 --> 00:43:26,164
I can't believe I have fans.
I waited all my life for that.
598
00:43:28,172 --> 00:43:29,831
Don't be alarmed, Mr. Gilmore.
599
00:43:30,090 --> 00:43:33,257
I know we had our problems,
but I'm proud of you.
600
00:43:33,510 --> 00:43:35,253
Thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.
601
00:43:35,512 --> 00:43:37,505
It's good to see you again.
602
00:43:37,848 --> 00:43:40,173
How's that, uh, thing feeling?
603
00:43:40,517 --> 00:43:42,842
Terrific. The nail comes out
next week.
604
00:43:43,186 --> 00:43:45,344
Well, you hardly even notice it.
605
00:43:49,526 --> 00:43:51,352
Let's make a little noise here.
606
00:43:53,696 --> 00:43:56,022
Come on! I can't hear you!
607
00:44:22,558 --> 00:44:24,550
Trying to reach
the green from here?
608
00:44:24,810 --> 00:44:26,221
That's not possible, sir.
609
00:44:26,562 --> 00:44:27,557
I beg to differ.
610
00:44:27,646 --> 00:44:31,560
Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat
no more than an hour ago.
611
00:44:31,900 --> 00:44:35,732
Well, moron, good for Happy...
Oh, my God!
612
00:44:46,248 --> 00:44:47,327
Oh, my God.
613
00:44:55,089 --> 00:44:58,589
Hey, Shooter,
you forgot your nine iron.
614
00:45:02,847 --> 00:45:07,343
A large and economically diverse crowd
here at the Michelob Invitational.
615
00:45:07,602 --> 00:45:10,271
It's the tour sensation,
Happy Gilmore...
616
00:45:10,605 --> 00:45:15,350
who's attracting all types
to this course. I even saw one guy...
617
00:45:15,609 --> 00:45:19,025
wearing one of those
beer-dispensing helmets.
618
00:45:27,955 --> 00:45:30,956
Damn you people.
Go back to your shanties.
619
00:45:31,792 --> 00:45:35,457
This is a biggie, pal.
I got to make some real money.
620
00:45:35,712 --> 00:45:38,120
What do you think?
Slightly downhill?
621
00:45:38,382 --> 00:45:39,544
And slanting left.
622
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,884
No, you think that
'cause you only got one shoe on.
623
00:45:44,638 --> 00:45:45,800
Oh, yeah.
624
00:46:00,153 --> 00:46:01,315
Happy Gilmore
625
00:46:32,267 --> 00:46:33,430
You got the ball?
626
00:46:43,028 --> 00:46:44,855
Happy Gilmore from nine feet.
627
00:46:45,197 --> 00:46:47,023
Here comes the putter throw.
628
00:46:47,365 --> 00:46:52,193
Wait. He's restrained himself.
Maybe this is a new Happy Gilmore.
629
00:46:56,458 --> 00:46:59,957
Another tournament here in Dallas,
and Shooter McGavin wins again.
630
00:47:00,295 --> 00:47:02,537
He's won here 3 years in a row.
631
00:47:15,893 --> 00:47:17,637
That son of a bitch!
632
00:47:18,062 --> 00:47:22,225
Give me my ball! Give it here!
Cough it up, you dirty bastard!
633
00:47:22,566 --> 00:47:23,895
I'll rip it out of you!
634
00:47:24,151 --> 00:47:25,147
Give me...
635
00:47:25,903 --> 00:47:27,231
Give me the ball.
636
00:47:32,326 --> 00:47:33,986
You have one eye.
637
00:47:35,579 --> 00:47:36,907
Chubbs.
638
00:47:37,581 --> 00:47:38,744
You took his hand.
639
00:48:21,457 --> 00:48:24,791
That Happy Gilmore is a real crack-up.
He's a hoot!
640
00:48:25,044 --> 00:48:28,045
He's bringing in
some big crowds.
641
00:48:28,381 --> 00:48:32,461
Today, one of his fans mooned me.
He had "HAPPY" written on his ass.
642
00:48:32,718 --> 00:48:36,134
"HA" was on one cheek
and "PPY" on the other.
643
00:48:36,388 --> 00:48:38,132
I love what he's doing for golf.
644
00:48:38,390 --> 00:48:42,222
- Well, I'm starting to come around.
- Everyone is.
645
00:48:42,478 --> 00:48:43,972
Well, I'm not, Doug!!
646
00:48:44,229 --> 00:48:45,889
This man is destroying golf.
647
00:48:46,148 --> 00:48:49,314
I saw two fat bikers in the woods
off 17 having sex.
648
00:48:49,568 --> 00:48:51,560
How can I chip
with that going on?
649
00:48:51,820 --> 00:48:55,818
- Kick him off the Tour.
- He hasn't broken any rules.
650
00:48:56,158 --> 00:48:57,568
He's a disgrace to the game!
651
00:48:57,826 --> 00:49:02,488
Yes, but our ratings are up.
We're attracting new, youthful sponsors.
652
00:49:02,998 --> 00:49:04,492
I'm sorry, Shooter.
653
00:49:04,749 --> 00:49:06,243
There's nothing I can do.
654
00:49:09,921 --> 00:49:12,756
Then I'll have to take care of this
myself.
655
00:49:13,675 --> 00:49:17,340
Grandma, I came in 9th place.
I won $35,000.
656
00:49:17,595 --> 00:49:19,255
So we'll get the house back?
657
00:49:19,514 --> 00:49:22,183
As long as I don't place last
the next two times...
658
00:49:22,433 --> 00:49:23,927
we'll get the money in time.
659
00:49:24,185 --> 00:49:26,177
That's wonderful, Happy.
660
00:49:26,437 --> 00:49:28,015
I love you, Grandma. Bye.
661
00:49:28,356 --> 00:49:29,850
Good-bye, darling.
662
00:49:34,695 --> 00:49:38,360
We should go on that date.
I've been pretty good lately.
663
00:49:38,616 --> 00:49:41,949
Oh? I hear you broke a rake
and threw it in the woods.
664
00:49:42,202 --> 00:49:45,867
I didn't break it.
I was testing its durability.
665
00:49:46,123 --> 00:49:49,124
I put it in the woods
because it's made of wood...
666
00:49:49,209 --> 00:49:51,118
and he should be
with his family.
667
00:49:52,629 --> 00:49:54,456
At least I didn't punch anyone.
668
00:49:55,549 --> 00:49:59,381
Okay, we'll go on a date.
But just as friends.
669
00:49:59,886 --> 00:50:02,887
Slow down. I don't want to be
more than friends.
670
00:50:03,139 --> 00:50:04,799
I just met you.
671
00:50:08,895 --> 00:50:10,223
Fit you okay?
672
00:50:10,522 --> 00:50:13,523
I haven't skated
since I was a little kid.
673
00:50:15,735 --> 00:50:18,570
Can we get a little time here?
674
00:50:19,739 --> 00:50:22,740
For Happy Gilmore, anything.
675
00:50:26,078 --> 00:50:27,738
You played ice hockey?
676
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:29,243
Shut up.
677
00:50:31,250 --> 00:50:33,077
Oh, my God... power failure.
678
00:50:33,544 --> 00:50:35,537
It's very scary in here.
679
00:50:35,796 --> 00:50:36,959
Did you plan this?
680
00:50:37,214 --> 00:50:38,543
No.
681
00:50:42,887 --> 00:50:45,722
I thought we were going to be
just friends.
682
00:50:46,307 --> 00:50:49,806
What? Friends listen to "Endless Love"
in the dark.
683
00:51:03,824 --> 00:51:07,655
This song reminds me
of seventh grade.
684
00:51:07,911 --> 00:51:10,402
It reminds me of my grandmother.
685
00:51:10,664 --> 00:51:11,992
That's kind of weird.
686
00:51:12,248 --> 00:51:14,324
She took me to see this movie.
687
00:51:14,417 --> 00:51:17,169
I had the biggest crush
on Brooke Shields.
688
00:51:18,338 --> 00:51:22,335
My grandma told me I should
write her a letter, so I did.
689
00:51:22,675 --> 00:51:25,593
I got a letter back
from Brooke two weeks later.
690
00:51:25,845 --> 00:51:28,514
But it was in my grandmother's
handwriting.
691
00:51:29,348 --> 00:51:31,008
Your grandma sounds sweet.
692
00:51:31,350 --> 00:51:35,015
She is sweet.
That's why I feel so terrible.
693
00:51:35,354 --> 00:51:36,517
Why?
694
00:51:37,857 --> 00:51:39,849
No, forget it.
695
00:51:40,693 --> 00:51:42,851
You can tell me.
696
00:51:43,696 --> 00:51:48,025
She's stuck in a nursing home.
The IRS repossessed her house.
697
00:51:48,617 --> 00:51:49,946
That's awful.
698
00:51:50,202 --> 00:51:51,696
That's why I joined the Tour.
699
00:51:52,037 --> 00:51:54,362
I'm close to getting
her house back.
700
00:51:54,623 --> 00:51:57,458
Don't tell anyone.
I'm kind of embarrassed.
701
00:51:58,877 --> 00:52:01,285
Don't worry.
I won't tell anyone.
702
00:52:03,548 --> 00:52:05,043
I'll make you a bet.
703
00:52:06,051 --> 00:52:07,711
Do you always carry a puck?
704
00:52:07,969 --> 00:52:08,965
Yeah.
705
00:52:10,555 --> 00:52:14,553
Now, if you get that puck
in the net over there...
706
00:52:14,893 --> 00:52:17,894
I'll never bother you again.
707
00:52:18,396 --> 00:52:21,065
But if you miss...
708
00:52:21,900 --> 00:52:24,735
you have to give me
a big, fat kiss.
709
00:52:25,194 --> 00:52:26,737
And you have to pretend
you like it.
710
00:52:27,238 --> 00:52:28,401
Really?
711
00:52:28,906 --> 00:52:29,986
Good luck.
712
00:52:43,254 --> 00:52:44,582
Shit.
713
00:52:45,423 --> 00:52:47,830
Talk about your all-time backfires.
714
00:52:49,260 --> 00:52:50,255
Happy...
715
00:52:53,931 --> 00:52:55,591
I didn't see it go in.
716
00:53:08,445 --> 00:53:12,110
I'll give it all to you
717
00:53:13,783 --> 00:53:16,784
My love, my love, my love
718
00:53:17,454 --> 00:53:20,123
My endless love
719
00:53:37,849 --> 00:53:40,007
Welcome to soggy San Francisco...
720
00:53:40,351 --> 00:53:42,676
site of this year's Pepsi Pro-Am.
721
00:53:43,187 --> 00:53:45,512
Hello, Happy. I'm Bob Barker.
722
00:53:45,856 --> 00:53:47,849
What an honor. Nice to meet you.
723
00:53:48,109 --> 00:53:50,350
We're playing together today.
724
00:53:51,278 --> 00:53:53,852
That's funny.
Who am I really playing with?
725
00:53:54,114 --> 00:53:56,949
In a Pro-Am, each golfer plays
with a celebrity.
726
00:53:57,117 --> 00:53:58,113
Wow.
727
00:53:58,285 --> 00:54:02,532
Nick Faldo and I won last year.
I'd like to win this year.
728
00:54:02,790 --> 00:54:04,616
I'll do my best.
729
00:54:05,209 --> 00:54:06,703
Hey, Gilmore?
730
00:54:07,044 --> 00:54:09,535
You suck, you jackass.
731
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:11,291
Shut the hell up.
732
00:54:13,633 --> 00:54:17,382
I'd love to punch that guy in the face,
but I'd get in trouble.
733
00:54:17,637 --> 00:54:19,630
You get this
on "Let's Make A Deal"?
734
00:54:19,890 --> 00:54:21,300
"The Price Is Right", Happy.
735
00:54:22,142 --> 00:54:23,137
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
736
00:54:23,393 --> 00:54:25,800
It happens.
Let's play some golf.
737
00:54:31,234 --> 00:54:32,562
Jackass.
738
00:54:36,489 --> 00:54:38,232
The club went further
than the ball.
739
00:54:39,992 --> 00:54:41,570
What was that all about?
740
00:54:41,828 --> 00:54:46,822
It's just that it's rainy
and that guy... It just slipped.
741
00:54:53,756 --> 00:54:58,418
Get a blanket and suntan lotion,
'cause you'll never get off that beach.
742
00:54:58,928 --> 00:55:03,174
Just the way you never got
into the NHL, you jackass!
743
00:55:09,771 --> 00:55:11,598
The green's that way.
744
00:55:19,197 --> 00:55:22,198
You will not make this putt,
you jackass.
745
00:55:27,956 --> 00:55:29,533
Nice shooting, soldier.
746
00:55:33,962 --> 00:55:35,954
All right, Happy...
747
00:55:36,464 --> 00:55:38,457
nice and easy.
748
00:55:43,638 --> 00:55:45,963
That was not nice and easy.
749
00:55:50,728 --> 00:55:52,555
That guy is driving me crazy.
750
00:55:52,813 --> 00:55:56,645
What's driving me crazy is
you not getting the ball in the hole.
751
00:55:56,984 --> 00:55:59,819
Don't push me, Bob.
Now's not the time.
752
00:56:04,658 --> 00:56:05,987
Jackass.
753
00:56:10,831 --> 00:56:12,658
This guy sucks!
754
00:56:13,750 --> 00:56:17,914
We haven't seen Gilmore play this badly
since his first day on tour.
755
00:56:18,171 --> 00:56:21,256
He and Bob Barker
are now dead last.
756
00:56:21,508 --> 00:56:25,671
You should be working at the snack bar,
not playing golf.
757
00:56:25,929 --> 00:56:27,257
Relax, Bob.
758
00:56:27,514 --> 00:56:32,010
There is no way you could have been
as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
759
00:56:32,352 --> 00:56:34,012
Okay, let's go.
760
00:56:35,355 --> 00:56:38,356
You like that, old man?!
You want a piece of me?
761
00:56:39,192 --> 00:56:42,276
I don't want a piece of you.
I want the whole thing!
762
00:56:57,543 --> 00:56:59,785
Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!
763
00:57:20,065 --> 00:57:22,141
The price is wrong, bitch.
764
00:57:33,328 --> 00:57:34,988
I think you've had enough.
765
00:57:36,081 --> 00:57:37,076
No?
766
00:57:40,084 --> 00:57:41,744
Now you've had enough.
767
00:57:42,587 --> 00:57:43,915
Bitch.
768
00:57:46,674 --> 00:57:48,382
That couldn't have gone better.
769
00:57:48,468 --> 00:57:51,172
Instead of hitting you,
he hits Bob Barker.
770
00:57:51,429 --> 00:57:52,425
Perfect.
771
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:54,756
So, see you
at the next tournament?
772
00:57:55,016 --> 00:57:59,013
No need. This was on national TV.
Gilmore is gone.
773
00:57:59,270 --> 00:58:03,102
Let's get something at the Red Lobster.
My treat.
774
00:58:03,357 --> 00:58:04,685
Some other time.
775
00:58:04,942 --> 00:58:06,769
I thought we were friends.
776
00:58:07,111 --> 00:58:09,436
We are. I just have to go.
777
00:58:09,780 --> 00:58:13,612
I'll be at the Red Lobster
in case you change your mind.
778
00:58:13,951 --> 00:58:15,445
God bless!
779
00:58:16,036 --> 00:58:17,365
There you are.
780
00:58:17,704 --> 00:58:20,030
Happy Gilmore, come on down!
781
00:58:20,290 --> 00:58:22,366
Thank you, Shooter. Sit down.
782
00:58:23,126 --> 00:58:26,958
So you got in a fight with a game show
host on national TV.
783
00:58:27,214 --> 00:58:28,874
That is not entertainment.
784
00:58:29,132 --> 00:58:32,382
This is not hockey,
no matter how much you want it to be.
785
00:58:32,636 --> 00:58:34,794
I know that and I'm sorry.
786
00:58:35,138 --> 00:58:37,131
But there was a guy out there...
787
00:58:37,390 --> 00:58:40,557
giving me crap. It took all I had
not to hit him.
788
00:58:40,810 --> 00:58:44,475
So you head-butt Bob Barker?
Who won that fight, anyway?
789
00:58:44,814 --> 00:58:45,810
Enough, Shooter.
790
00:58:46,065 --> 00:58:48,224
The board has done the following:
791
00:58:48,484 --> 00:58:51,319
Fined you $25,000
and suspended you for one month.
792
00:58:51,571 --> 00:58:54,655
- What?! I got to play!
- What?! Kick him off the Tour.
793
00:58:55,158 --> 00:58:57,993
The board thinks
that might be extreme...
794
00:58:58,244 --> 00:59:01,577
considering the fact
that our ratings were...
795
00:59:02,081 --> 00:59:03,741
the highest we've ever had.
796
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:06,669
My grandmother's house
got repossessed.
797
00:59:07,002 --> 00:59:10,834
If I don't win more prize money,
they'll sell it to someone else.
798
00:59:11,173 --> 00:59:13,498
Whoop-dee-doo. Get out.
799
00:59:18,847 --> 00:59:23,343
It's over. My grandmother
will never see her house again.
800
00:59:23,602 --> 00:59:27,931
But you've made a lot of money.
You could buy her a nice condo.
801
00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:31,938
My grandfather didn't build
any condos with his bare hands.
802
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:34,768
Damn it, I hate that Bob Barker.
803
00:59:35,030 --> 00:59:38,196
There must be
another way to get the $50,000.
804
00:59:38,450 --> 00:59:42,282
I don't want to talk about it.
I failed, okay?
805
00:59:42,537 --> 00:59:46,036
Let me just enjoy the one thing
that makes me a bit happy...
806
00:59:46,291 --> 00:59:48,960
this fresh, delicious, tasty...
807
00:59:49,210 --> 00:59:51,452
meaty, turkey-filled...
808
00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:56,540
Cold Cut Combo. I eat three
every day just to keep me strong.
809
00:59:56,801 --> 00:59:58,129
Hey, Happy...
810
00:59:58,386 --> 01:00:00,046
can I have one of those?
811
01:00:00,388 --> 01:00:02,048
Coming right up!
812
01:00:07,561 --> 01:00:09,887
Talk about a hole in one.
813
01:00:10,231 --> 01:00:13,397
Subway sandwiches
will drive away your hunger.
814
01:00:14,485 --> 01:00:15,481
What do you think?
815
01:00:15,653 --> 01:00:18,986
I love it. He looks so handsome.
And it makes me hungry.
816
01:00:19,239 --> 01:00:22,904
They gave me a card
that gives us free Subway for life.
817
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:24,323
That's lovely.
818
01:00:24,578 --> 01:00:26,571
You know what else is lovely?
819
01:00:26,830 --> 01:00:30,164
That commercial puts us up
to $275,000.
820
01:00:30,417 --> 01:00:32,575
Let's go get your house back.
821
01:00:42,345 --> 01:00:44,005
What the hell?
822
01:00:49,185 --> 01:00:50,514
What's going on here?
823
01:00:50,770 --> 01:00:54,602
It's exciting. We're auctioning off
your grandmother's house.
824
01:00:54,857 --> 01:00:58,191
You said if we got the money,
we could buy it back.
825
01:00:58,444 --> 01:00:59,773
You can buy it back.
826
01:01:00,488 --> 01:01:03,026
Bidding will start at $100,000.
Do I hear 100?
827
01:01:03,282 --> 01:01:05,608
This is the exciting part.
Have fun.
828
01:01:06,953 --> 01:01:10,618
Look at all these people.
What's going on, Happy?
829
01:01:10,956 --> 01:01:12,285
Thank you, two.
830
01:01:12,625 --> 01:01:14,285
They're auctioning it off.
831
01:01:14,543 --> 01:01:17,378
Good. We'll get it cheaper
than we thought.
832
01:01:17,630 --> 01:01:19,622
Two fifty, thank you.
833
01:01:20,299 --> 01:01:22,457
Maybe not. Two seventy-five!
834
01:01:22,718 --> 01:01:24,960
Two seventy-five. And three.
835
01:01:25,304 --> 01:01:26,632
Three fifty down front.
836
01:01:26,972 --> 01:01:30,306
I have three fifty.
Seventy-five anywhere?
837
01:01:30,642 --> 01:01:34,142
Three fifty... sold to the gentleman
in the white sweater.
838
01:01:34,479 --> 01:01:36,057
What just happened, Happy?
839
01:01:37,733 --> 01:01:39,559
Go wait in the car, Grandma.
840
01:01:41,403 --> 01:01:43,479
What the hell is wrong with you?
841
01:01:43,738 --> 01:01:45,814
I enjoy real estate speculation.
842
01:01:47,242 --> 01:01:51,239
You touch me, I burn the house down
and piss on the ashes.
843
01:01:51,579 --> 01:01:53,157
What do you want for it?
844
01:01:53,748 --> 01:01:54,744
You know what.
845
01:01:55,166 --> 01:01:57,159
You off the Tour.
846
01:01:57,418 --> 01:01:59,909
Quit, and the house is yours.
847
01:02:00,171 --> 01:02:01,250
Fine. I quit.
848
01:02:01,506 --> 01:02:03,498
No way. Happy, come here.
849
01:02:03,758 --> 01:02:07,590
He's right. I don't belong in golf.
I'm a hockey player.
850
01:02:07,845 --> 01:02:10,253
- What team do you play for?
- Easy.
851
01:02:10,514 --> 01:02:13,432
Face it, Happy.
You are a golfer.
852
01:02:14,268 --> 01:02:18,764
I did this to get Grandma's house back.
Now I can. No regrets.
853
01:02:19,190 --> 01:02:24,184
What do you think she wants more... to
get her house back or see you succeed?
854
01:02:26,363 --> 01:02:30,028
Maybe she can have both.
Hey, Shooter.
855
01:02:30,701 --> 01:02:32,943
The Tour Championship
is next week.
856
01:02:33,704 --> 01:02:37,369
If I beat you, I get the house.
You beat me, I'll quit.
857
01:02:37,624 --> 01:02:40,542
You're going to beat me?
At golf?
858
01:02:42,629 --> 01:02:43,957
You're on.
859
01:02:44,548 --> 01:02:48,130
But you're in trouble. I eat pieces
of shit like you for breakfast.
860
01:02:48,385 --> 01:02:50,626
You eat pieces of shit
for breakfast?
861
01:02:52,555 --> 01:02:53,718
No.
862
01:02:58,561 --> 01:03:01,728
That was great.
I know you will kick his ass.
863
01:03:02,065 --> 01:03:03,725
That makes one of us.
864
01:03:03,983 --> 01:03:06,735
Take care of Grandma.
I'll walk from here.
865
01:03:06,986 --> 01:03:10,070
- Where are you going?
- To learn to play golf.
866
01:03:12,742 --> 01:03:15,233
I'm stupid, you're smart.
867
01:03:15,745 --> 01:03:17,903
I was wrong, you were right.
868
01:03:18,414 --> 01:03:20,905
You're the best, I'm the worst.
869
01:03:21,250 --> 01:03:25,082
You're very good-looking,
I'm not attractive.
870
01:03:25,337 --> 01:03:29,002
Okay, as long as you're willing
to admit that. Now...
871
01:03:29,258 --> 01:03:33,090
are you ready to work
and do what I tell you?
872
01:03:33,429 --> 01:03:35,006
Believe me, I'm ready.
873
01:03:36,098 --> 01:03:37,758
Then let's get to work.
874
01:03:39,685 --> 01:03:42,176
I'm sorry. Here.
875
01:03:43,271 --> 01:03:44,766
Here's your pinky.
876
01:03:52,447 --> 01:03:54,274
"Happyland", just like me.
877
01:03:54,532 --> 01:03:56,858
Don't get excited.
I've been here before.
878
01:03:59,454 --> 01:04:03,617
This is embarrassing. I'm a
professional golfer, for God's sake.
879
01:04:03,875 --> 01:04:07,707
No, it's your short game
that's embarrassing. Let's go.
880
01:04:22,977 --> 01:04:26,310
Just line up the putt.
Don't even look at the hole.
881
01:04:26,647 --> 01:04:31,143
Aim for a spot six inches
in front of the hole. Line up with that.
882
01:04:31,485 --> 01:04:33,478
Okay. Six inches.
883
01:04:56,509 --> 01:04:58,502
This one's very tough.
884
01:05:03,349 --> 01:05:05,176
He's laughing, having fun.
885
01:05:05,435 --> 01:05:07,760
Yeah, laugh it up.
Enjoy your night.
886
01:05:08,688 --> 01:05:10,515
Happy, concentrate.
887
01:05:17,530 --> 01:05:19,190
I hate that clown.
888
01:05:19,448 --> 01:05:24,110
Easy. If you can't beat the clown,
how will you beat Shooter McGavin?
889
01:05:32,628 --> 01:05:34,288
You're gonna die, clown!
890
01:05:36,215 --> 01:05:39,216
Is that funny? I don't hear you
laughing now!
891
01:05:39,551 --> 01:05:40,714
Enough.
892
01:05:40,969 --> 01:05:42,547
What? I can't do it!
893
01:05:43,055 --> 01:05:46,221
Come with me, Happy. Come on!
894
01:05:46,558 --> 01:05:48,634
You suck, you stupid clown!
895
01:05:50,896 --> 01:05:52,723
Remember, this isn't hockey.
896
01:05:53,065 --> 01:05:57,228
You don't play with raw emotion.
You can't putt angry.
897
01:05:57,569 --> 01:06:01,401
You must clear your mind
of everything else and stay focused.
898
01:06:06,244 --> 01:06:08,071
How can I do that?
899
01:06:08,413 --> 01:06:11,579
Think of a place
that's really perfect.
900
01:06:11,916 --> 01:06:14,075
Your own happy place.
901
01:06:14,419 --> 01:06:17,585
Go there and all your anger
will disappear.
902
01:06:17,922 --> 01:06:19,250
Then putt.
903
01:06:20,091 --> 01:06:21,419
Happy place.
904
01:06:21,759 --> 01:06:23,586
Happy place.
905
01:06:23,928 --> 01:06:25,755
Your happy place.
906
01:06:55,709 --> 01:06:56,705
Now how do you feel?
907
01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:57,956
Better.
908
01:06:58,628 --> 01:06:59,624
Now putt.
909
01:07:22,318 --> 01:07:23,646
Your happy place.
910
01:07:30,576 --> 01:07:33,149
We took some giant steps
tonight.
911
01:07:33,996 --> 01:07:35,656
I'm really proud of you.
912
01:07:36,165 --> 01:07:37,328
Here.
913
01:07:38,334 --> 01:07:40,659
I got something special for you.
914
01:07:41,003 --> 01:07:41,999
Thanks, Chubbs.
915
01:07:42,254 --> 01:07:46,999
It's the putter I used when I played...
slightly modified, of course.
916
01:07:47,342 --> 01:07:49,833
Man, this is excellent.
917
01:07:51,013 --> 01:07:55,924
You got the spirit of a hockey player
in you, so I figured... why fight it?
918
01:07:56,184 --> 01:07:58,510
I got something for you, too.
919
01:07:59,021 --> 01:08:02,187
If not for you, none of this
would have happened...
920
01:08:02,441 --> 01:08:04,766
so I wanted to show
my appreciation.
921
01:08:08,697 --> 01:08:10,689
This looks nice. What is it?
922
01:08:10,949 --> 01:08:11,945
Open it.
923
01:08:12,200 --> 01:08:13,196
Shit.
924
01:08:13,868 --> 01:08:14,947
Oh, man.
925
01:08:15,203 --> 01:08:17,279
Remember the 'gator
that got your hand?
926
01:08:17,539 --> 01:08:19,199
I got his head.
927
01:08:31,719 --> 01:08:34,388
First my dad and now Chubbs.
928
01:08:34,722 --> 01:08:38,221
Anyone I get close to, dies.
If I were you, I'd run.
929
01:08:38,559 --> 01:08:41,050
You can't blame yourself
for this.
930
01:08:41,395 --> 01:08:44,562
I guess that alligator
finally finished the job.
931
01:08:45,065 --> 01:08:46,643
I'm going to miss you, pal.
932
01:08:55,409 --> 01:08:57,069
How am I going to play today?
933
01:08:57,327 --> 01:08:59,071
Just remember
what he taught you.
934
01:08:59,329 --> 01:09:03,327
Congratulations, murderer.
You killed a golf legend.
935
01:09:03,583 --> 01:09:04,663
Beat it, McGavin.
936
01:09:04,918 --> 01:09:09,414
I'm dedicating my performance at the
Tour Championship to Chubbs' memory.
937
01:09:09,756 --> 01:09:11,749
I'm playing for Chubbs.
938
01:09:12,008 --> 01:09:13,586
I called it first.
939
01:09:14,010 --> 01:09:17,344
You want to beat him?
Beat him on the course.
940
01:09:17,597 --> 01:09:20,266
Yeah, I'm gonna beat your ass
out there.
941
01:09:20,517 --> 01:09:22,758
Right. And Grizzly Adams
had a beard.
942
01:09:23,019 --> 01:09:24,762
Grizzly Adams did have a beard.
943
01:09:28,149 --> 01:09:29,940
The golfers
of the Tour Championship...
944
01:09:30,276 --> 01:09:33,692
are ready to begin.
There may be 63 professionals...
945
01:09:33,946 --> 01:09:35,488
vying for the title
of world's best...
946
01:09:35,531 --> 01:09:38,947
but in the minds of the spectators,
there are only two.
947
01:09:39,201 --> 01:09:41,194
Tour kingpin Shooter McGavin...
948
01:09:41,454 --> 01:09:44,787
and bad boy Happy Gilmore,
just off suspension.
949
01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:48,041
Wouldn't you know it?
They've been paired together.
950
01:09:48,294 --> 01:09:51,959
I have some good interior design ideas
for Grandma's house.
951
01:09:52,214 --> 01:09:54,622
You know the bedroom
next to the stairs?
952
01:09:54,883 --> 01:09:56,212
Yeah, that was my room.
953
01:09:56,468 --> 01:09:59,042
I'm turning it
into my trophy room.
954
01:10:11,900 --> 01:10:13,643
It just may not be big enough.
955
01:10:14,986 --> 01:10:16,149
All right.
956
01:10:30,335 --> 01:10:34,249
You know what's pathetic?
You've been playing golf all your life.
957
01:10:39,010 --> 01:10:41,417
Let me show you
how we do it in the pros.
958
01:10:48,769 --> 01:10:50,098
That's got to hurt.
959
01:10:58,362 --> 01:11:02,027
Happy learned how to putt.
Uh-oh.
960
01:11:03,951 --> 01:11:05,575
Here's a free lesson.
961
01:11:11,917 --> 01:11:13,909
Can't learn that
on a hockey rink.
962
01:11:25,305 --> 01:11:27,796
Somebody's closer.
963
01:11:29,934 --> 01:11:32,769
After one day,
Shooter McGavin is leading.
964
01:11:32,979 --> 01:11:36,146
But the big surprise
is young Happy Gilmore...
965
01:11:36,816 --> 01:11:40,149
nipping at his heels,
trailing by only one stroke.
966
01:11:41,779 --> 01:11:43,107
Shooter from the sand.
967
01:11:43,322 --> 01:11:45,992
Playing like he really wants
that jacket.
968
01:11:51,997 --> 01:11:54,784
Happy Gilmore answers back
with a birdie.
969
01:12:08,513 --> 01:12:11,349
Happy with a long eagle opportunity.
970
01:12:13,352 --> 01:12:14,680
It's good!
971
01:12:15,353 --> 01:12:17,346
And Shooter can't believe it!
972
01:12:17,689 --> 01:12:20,690
He is now tied
with Happy Gilmore!
973
01:12:23,862 --> 01:12:26,863
Uh-oh. A little too much zip
on that one.
974
01:12:28,366 --> 01:12:31,367
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
975
01:12:31,703 --> 01:12:33,031
No!
976
01:12:36,874 --> 01:12:40,872
I didn't see that. Did it go in?
I wasn't watching.
977
01:12:41,212 --> 01:12:45,708
I wasn't watching. I saw it go up.
Did it go back in?
978
01:12:46,217 --> 01:12:49,337
At the end of day three,
Happy Gilmore has the lead.
979
01:12:49,679 --> 01:12:53,890
One has to be impressed with the vast
improvement in his short game.
980
01:13:13,410 --> 01:13:15,070
Donald, it's Shooter.
981
01:13:15,412 --> 01:13:18,081
Shooter!
It's great to hear from you!
982
01:13:18,373 --> 01:13:20,579
Want to go to Sizzler
and get some grub?
983
01:13:21,042 --> 01:13:22,537
No, thanks. Not hungry.
984
01:13:22,752 --> 01:13:27,248
This call is about business.
I need you here in the morning.
985
01:13:27,590 --> 01:13:29,832
It's the final day
of the Tour Championship...
986
01:13:29,884 --> 01:13:32,091
and it promises to be a classic.
987
01:13:32,554 --> 01:13:34,593
Happy Gilmore leads the pack.
988
01:13:34,889 --> 01:13:39,101
Is this a changing of the guard?
We'll know in 18 holes.
989
01:13:45,608 --> 01:13:48,443
Happy is really on today.
990
01:14:01,290 --> 01:14:02,405
There he is.
991
01:14:02,958 --> 01:14:04,287
That worm.
992
01:14:04,793 --> 01:14:06,453
Happy, look out!
993
01:14:12,593 --> 01:14:13,588
Are you okay?
994
01:14:13,802 --> 01:14:15,462
Volkswagen.
995
01:14:15,762 --> 01:14:17,422
Jackass!
996
01:14:33,321 --> 01:14:34,650
Jackass!
997
01:14:35,281 --> 01:14:39,326
You have no serious injuries.
Just keep off your feet for a few days.
998
01:14:39,619 --> 01:14:41,327
Forget it. I have to finish.
999
01:14:41,621 --> 01:14:44,456
Do what you like. What do I know?
I'm just a doctor.
1000
01:14:44,666 --> 01:14:46,160
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
1001
01:14:46,459 --> 01:14:49,626
There is no shame
in throwing in the towel.
1002
01:14:49,837 --> 01:14:51,996
You must be careful
with your health.
1003
01:14:52,298 --> 01:14:54,172
Let's just play some golf.
1004
01:14:54,967 --> 01:14:56,627
I knew Happy Gilmore
was tough...
1005
01:14:56,844 --> 01:15:00,509
but I can't believe he's playing
after being hit by a car.
1006
01:15:00,848 --> 01:15:03,173
Let's hope it doesn't affect
his game.
1007
01:15:07,146 --> 01:15:10,645
That's the first time he's failed
to outdrive McGavin.
1008
01:15:10,858 --> 01:15:14,523
Well, well, well. Happy Gilmore is
human after all.
1009
01:15:15,529 --> 01:15:19,858
Happy Gilmore is in trouble
if he can't hit the long ball.
1010
01:15:20,200 --> 01:15:21,529
If he has a chance...
1011
01:15:21,827 --> 01:15:25,030
of winning today, he must do it
on the green.
1012
01:15:30,710 --> 01:15:35,372
He has to focus now.
He has to save this one for par.
1013
01:15:38,551 --> 01:15:41,338
That bogey drops him
out of the lead.
1014
01:15:41,721 --> 01:15:44,556
If he wants to stay in this thing...
1015
01:15:44,849 --> 01:15:46,343
he has to calm down.
1016
01:15:53,232 --> 01:15:57,064
Don't worry about your grandma.
She can live with me... be my maid.
1017
01:16:03,534 --> 01:16:05,527
Look at the cabbage he's in now.
1018
01:16:05,745 --> 01:16:09,410
Things just keep getting worse
for Happy Gilmore.
1019
01:16:12,084 --> 01:16:14,575
Just remember what Chubbs said.
1020
01:16:14,920 --> 01:16:16,913
"Go to a happy place."
1021
01:16:17,256 --> 01:16:19,581
"Go to a happy place."
1022
01:16:57,295 --> 01:16:58,623
God!
1023
01:17:11,308 --> 01:17:13,882
This looks like the end
for Happy Gilmore.
1024
01:17:13,936 --> 01:17:16,308
Shooter now has
a commanding lead.
1025
01:17:35,999 --> 01:17:37,659
Happy, look who's here.
1026
01:17:38,001 --> 01:17:39,329
Grandma.
1027
01:17:40,170 --> 01:17:42,839
Happy, you look upset.
What's wrong?
1028
01:17:43,173 --> 01:17:45,960
I stink. I'm not going to win.
1029
01:17:46,176 --> 01:17:50,837
Don't worry, sweetheart. The house
isn't important. It's just a house.
1030
01:17:51,139 --> 01:17:53,511
Stop fraternizing with the help,
Gilmore.
1031
01:17:53,808 --> 01:17:56,809
Just hit your ball,
if you can find it.
1032
01:17:57,353 --> 01:17:58,516
Hi, Grandma.
1033
01:17:59,522 --> 01:18:04,018
Forget him. I just want you
to be happy, darling.
1034
01:18:06,654 --> 01:18:07,982
All right, Grandma.
1035
01:18:14,537 --> 01:18:17,372
Grandma wants me to be happy.
1036
01:18:38,727 --> 01:18:42,060
Chin up, Happy.
Don't feel bad about me.
1037
01:18:42,397 --> 01:18:44,224
I got my hand back, see?
1038
01:18:46,568 --> 01:18:49,237
We've only just begun
1039
01:18:51,406 --> 01:18:54,075
To live
1040
01:18:55,910 --> 01:18:58,911
White lace and promises
1041
01:19:01,082 --> 01:19:05,080
A kiss for luck
and we're on our way
1042
01:19:14,595 --> 01:19:19,257
It ain't over yet, McGavin. The way
I see it, we've only just begun.
1043
01:19:46,918 --> 01:19:50,085
Happy, the gold jacket's yours.
Shooter will choke.
1044
01:19:55,552 --> 01:19:56,547
Unbelievable!
1045
01:20:08,815 --> 01:20:12,978
Damn you people!
This is golf, not a rock concert!
1046
01:20:19,825 --> 01:20:20,988
Putz!
1047
01:20:40,345 --> 01:20:41,674
Happy...
1048
01:20:42,180 --> 01:20:43,840
rules!
1049
01:20:57,529 --> 01:21:00,150
Happy Gilmore has charged
in the back nine...
1050
01:21:00,240 --> 01:21:02,528
and is now even
with Shooter McGavin.
1051
01:21:02,867 --> 01:21:06,201
If Shooter doesn't get
out of the funk he's in...
1052
01:21:06,537 --> 01:21:08,863
he may miss out
on the gold jacket.
1053
01:21:09,207 --> 01:21:13,500
Ladies and gentlemen, the 18th hole
is a par three, 160 yards.
1054
01:21:13,711 --> 01:21:16,546
In the event of a tie,
there will be a play-off.
1055
01:21:16,839 --> 01:21:19,330
Mr. Gilmore,
you have the honors.
1056
01:21:20,551 --> 01:21:22,876
No matter what, I'm having fun.
1057
01:21:23,220 --> 01:21:25,546
You're starting
to sound like a golfer.
1058
01:21:25,848 --> 01:21:27,675
I know. Keep it down.
1059
01:21:47,703 --> 01:21:51,368
Nice shot! Fifteen feet
short of the hole.
1060
01:22:03,259 --> 01:22:05,252
Shooter's ball is in the woods.
1061
01:22:05,553 --> 01:22:09,254
Happy's on the 18th green,
where a car driven by a crazed fan...
1062
01:22:09,557 --> 01:22:11,217
rammed the TV tower.
1063
01:22:14,103 --> 01:22:16,559
Let me through...
I'm looking for my ball.
1064
01:22:16,772 --> 01:22:20,770
This is golf, okay? Excuse me.
Thank you.
1065
01:22:26,615 --> 01:22:27,778
Is this your ball?
1066
01:22:28,617 --> 01:22:30,242
Yes, it is.
1067
01:22:30,452 --> 01:22:32,279
It struck my foot.
1068
01:22:32,621 --> 01:22:33,950
Doug!
1069
01:22:35,291 --> 01:22:36,785
Do I get a drop?
1070
01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:40,118
The rule says,
"Play it as it lies."
1071
01:23:03,777 --> 01:23:05,485
That's two so far, Shooter.
1072
01:23:05,820 --> 01:23:07,979
You can count. Good for you.
1073
01:23:08,281 --> 01:23:12,492
And you can count on me waiting
for you in the parking lot.
1074
01:23:26,340 --> 01:23:27,669
You're still away.
1075
01:23:28,009 --> 01:23:30,001
I'm aware of that. Thank you.
1076
01:23:31,137 --> 01:23:32,132
I can't see.
1077
01:23:32,346 --> 01:23:33,461
Hey, up here.
1078
01:23:47,027 --> 01:23:49,518
Shooter needs this
to put pressure on Happy.
1079
01:23:49,821 --> 01:23:52,359
If he misses, Happy can two-putt
to victory.
1080
01:24:03,209 --> 01:24:05,001
Choke on that, baby!
1081
01:24:14,888 --> 01:24:16,050
Shooter.
1082
01:24:24,897 --> 01:24:28,895
If Gilmore sinks this, it will cap
an amazing comeback.
1083
01:24:46,585 --> 01:24:49,420
Great. Now I have a tower
blocking my ball.
1084
01:24:49,713 --> 01:24:53,212
We'll get it moved and you'll finish
tomorrow. Right, Doug?
1085
01:24:53,425 --> 01:24:57,090
No, he has to hit it now.
"Play it as it lies."
1086
01:24:57,429 --> 01:25:01,925
I hit it off Frankenstein's fat foot.
Those are the rules.
1087
01:25:02,267 --> 01:25:05,054
He's right.
Take your shot, Mr. Gilmore.
1088
01:25:06,271 --> 01:25:10,103
Virginia, just so you know,
my jacket size is 44 long.
1089
01:25:10,400 --> 01:25:13,733
And my right arm is a bit longer
than my left.
1090
01:25:14,279 --> 01:25:18,775
Hit it around the tower, sink your putt
and we'll go to sudden death.
1091
01:25:26,124 --> 01:25:28,116
Nah, I'll just beat him now.
1092
01:25:29,752 --> 01:25:30,748
Good luck.
1093
01:25:36,133 --> 01:25:38,624
Chubbs, I know
you'll help me here.
1094
01:26:14,170 --> 01:26:16,329
Oh, my God.
1095
01:26:17,173 --> 01:26:21,005
Incredible!
Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.
1096
01:26:24,180 --> 01:26:26,505
I love you. I love you.
1097
01:26:26,849 --> 01:26:28,509
And I love you.
1098
01:26:29,185 --> 01:26:31,510
Doug! It's impossible!
1099
01:26:31,854 --> 01:26:34,689
That's my jacket! It's mine!
1100
01:26:35,524 --> 01:26:37,351
He stole my jacket!
1101
01:26:38,027 --> 01:26:40,185
I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's.
1102
01:27:02,217 --> 01:27:04,542
I will get you, Shooter!
1103
01:27:06,054 --> 01:27:07,714
Stop! Stop!
1104
01:27:08,890 --> 01:27:10,384
Be still!
1105
01:27:10,725 --> 01:27:11,840
Don't!!!
1106
01:27:24,906 --> 01:27:26,234
- Coming?
- You bet.
1107
01:27:26,574 --> 01:27:27,903
All right.
1108
01:27:41,422 --> 01:27:44,091
Here's to Chubbs,
wherever he is.
1109
01:27:47,595 --> 01:27:49,089
Hey, Happy.
1110
01:27:51,765 --> 01:27:53,260
Nice jacket.
1111
01:27:56,103 --> 01:27:58,261
Who are you waving at, Happy?
1112
01:27:59,940 --> 01:28:02,609
Nobody, Grandma. Let's go home.
83458
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