Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:08,360
[children shouting,
toys bleeping and whizzing]
2
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:14,000
[music plays: "It's The Most
Wonderful Time Of The Year"]
3
00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:25,600
Thank you.
4
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,160
-Merry Christmas.
-Isn't it just?
5
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,960
Um, I, uh,
I've come to collect this.
6
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,840
My wife reserved it online,
Sparklehoof the Unicorn Princess.
7
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,680
That's 64.99.
8
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,360
Pardon me? No, uh, I think it's
supposed to be 40 something?
9
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,000
It was 44.99 when she reserved it
but she didn't pay for it then,
10
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,560
so now it's 64.99.
11
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,000
64.99? Sorry, is it an actual unicorn?
12
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,680
If you pat its head it blinks,
if you touch its nose, it trots.
13
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,120
I don't care if you scratch its arse
and it unloads the dishwasher.
14
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,360
This is a shakedown. Now,
I'll pay you the original 40-odd quid,
15
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,840
which is outrageous,
but I'm not paying a penny more.
16
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,440
That's fair enough.
17
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,120
Sorry, sir, it's 64.99.
18
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,000
St… you… What kind of operation
are you running here?
19
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:10,240
It's worse than the Mob!
Is anyone hearing this, huh?
20
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,000
They're hiking the prices up
'cause it's Christmas.
21
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,320
-Jokers.
-They are jokers.
22
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,320
Now, you can't just
put up a bit of tinsel
23
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,360
and play some Jona Lewie and
expect us to just hand over the scrilla.
24
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,360
-Yeah, spread that, you tell 'em, big man.
-I am telling them.
25
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,120
Sorry, sir, it's 64.99.
It's the number one toy this year.
26
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,080
Have you not watched The One Show?
27
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,360
Not religiously, no.
28
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,160
Matt Baker, bad boy presenter.
29
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:30,320
I'm sure he is, but I'm not…
30
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,520
Did you want this Sparklehoof?
31
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,280
-No, no, I don't.
-No, he don't.
32
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,440
Not at those prices, no.
33
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,320
Not at those prices, no.
34
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,360
I'm gonna take my custom elsewhere,
alright, you're not the only show in town.
35
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,920
I'll let the invisible hand
of the market deal with you.
36
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,080
I don't know what that means.
37
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,440
No, three words. Toys R Us.
38
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,520
Can I take that Sparklehoof?
39
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,560
[shoppers clamouring]
40
00:01:58,600 --> 00:01:59,920
Back off! Back off!
41
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,960
[intro music]
42
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,920
["Jingle Bells" plays]
43
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,520
[lights buzzing]
44
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:49,040
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
45
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,480
[chuckling] Ta-dah!
46
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,520
Dev, you appear to have put lights
all over my house… without asking.
47
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,720
-You're welcome, Andy.
-It's Andrew.
48
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,760
I know we've been talking about it all
year. Since you moved in, really, innit?
49
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,200
Well, you've been talking about it mainly.
50
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,960
I could see you weren't gonna
get round to it yourself
51
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:07,200
and I thought, at this rate, Christmas
will be over and he won't have them up.
52
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,360
Oh, it so very nearly worked
out that way, didn't it?
53
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,760
Yeah, and I know you're a busy guy,
54
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,360
that's why we haven't gone
for that drink yet, though.
55
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,000
-[horn honking]
-Hey!
56
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,080
[laughs] Get used to that,
that'll be happening all Christmas.
57
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,440
Oh, that's good news.
58
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:21,400
Yeah.
59
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,760
Well, see you later.
60
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:23,880
[urinating sound]
61
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,600
Hey, Andy, look, Santa's doing a piddle.
62
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:26,800
I noticed, yeah.
63
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,120
-Ho-ho-ho!
-[toilet flushes]
64
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:35,080
No, Mum, honestly, the turkey's huge,
you do not need to bring a ham.
65
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,680
No, don't bring wafer thin ham either,
66
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,080
it's not the thickness of the ham
that I'm objecting to.
67
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,040
Have you seen what him
next door's been up to?
68
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,360
-Daddy!
-Emily!
69
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,080
Oh, look at that, my darling.
That's wonderful. Well done, sweet heart.
70
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,360
You really don't need to…
71
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,880
-Have you seen these lights?
-Okay, Mum.
72
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,680
If it makes you feel better,
bring cocktail sausages, but one punnet.
73
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:53,800
He said that you wanted them up.
74
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,680
Does that sound like
something I'd ever say?
75
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,160
Oh, hello, mate,
I know we've barely spoken
76
00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,840
but I don't suppose you've
got a giant urinating Santa
77
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,280
you could hang above
my front door, have you?
78
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,760
It's just not Christmas without one.
79
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,440
Sorry, Mum, Andrew's going off on one.
80
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:04,720
Andrew, I've got a million things to do.
81
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,200
It's not me you need to talk to
about the lights, is it?
82
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,280
[horn honking outside]
83
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,040
I tell you what you can bring, Mum,
a couple of bottles of gin.
84
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,360
["Deck the Halls" plays]
85
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:20,920
Dev.
86
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,400
Hello, mate.
87
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,080
Quick word, re: the lights.
88
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,760
Uh, you really shouldn't
have put them up.
89
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,400
Don't mention it, alright?
90
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,960
For neighbours like you,
people of your calibre, you and Claire,
91
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,600
it's a honour, I should be thanking
you if anything. Come here.
92
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,160
Hmm. Thank you.
93
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:42,480
That's intimate, but I'm telling you,
you really shouldn't have.
94
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,080
And I'm telling you,
it's nae bother, Andy.
95
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,600
Andrew, still Andrew.
96
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,320
-[horn honking]
-Oh, whey! Another one.
97
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,720
That's the, uh, 12th
in the last ten minutes?
98
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,920
Yeah, yeah. [laughs]
99
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,360
["Jingle Bells" plays outside]
100
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,000
[horn honking]
101
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,560
[Santa urinating] Ah!
102
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,360
[from outside] Ho-ho-ho!
103
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,000
[toilet flushes, Andrew sighs]
104
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,360
What's up?
105
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:20,400
I can't sleep.
106
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,080
-Why not?
-Why not?
107
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,800
'Cause it's two in the morning
and the bloody lights are on.
108
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,280
It's like being in a Turkish brothel.
109
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,640
I imagine.
110
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,400
[horn honking]
111
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:41,960
Andrew, what are you doing?
112
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,440
I have turned to my superpower,
Claire, the strongly worded letter.
113
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:46,760
-Oh, God.
-You wanna hear it?
114
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:47,720
Mm-hmm.
115
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,440
"Dev, we are not friends, you're
just the bloke who lives next door,
116
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,200
and, sir, you're a vulgarian.
117
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:58,240
I cannot stop you covering your own home
in garish lights and incontinent Santas,
118
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,720
but you ain't doing it to mine.
Furthermore…"
119
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,080
Yeah, I get the gist, reminds me of
your infamous bin collections letter.
120
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,400
Hey, that one got the job done.
121
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,840
It made Councillor Hargreaves cry.
122
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,600
He was already emotional
'cause his wife had just died.
123
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,200
You're not putting this through
our neighbour's door.
124
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:16,720
At a civilised hour, go and talk
to him like a mature adult.
125
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,320
Fine.
126
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:24,520
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
127
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,440
Are you pulling my chain?
128
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,880
What, they've just gotta go off,
have they?
129
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,760
Well, who complained?
130
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,960
Uh… yeah,
hiding behind anonymity.
131
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:42,920
Council.
132
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,840
Right. No, well, the word I'd use
is magical. What did they say?
133
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:52,160
Vomit inducing?
Pathetic little weasel.
134
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,680
And what if I say we're not gonna do it,
huh? What about that?
135
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,040
What if I tell you, you can stick it
where the sun don't shine?
136
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:04,080
Custodial sentence? Yeah, alright.
Well, have a good Christmas, Herr Hitler.
137
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,360
Lights have to go off, mate.
138
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:06,640
What, someone complained?
139
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,320
Yeah, yeah.
140
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,080
What kind of soulless monster
would have a problem with these?
141
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:14,720
Oh, don't get me started,
I'm sick to the stomach.
142
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,120
Well, I tell you what, mate,
you gave them hell.
143
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,640
-Didn't I? Didn't I?
-Yeah. Yeah.
144
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,480
You should have heard me in there,
I was tearing them a new one.
145
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,640
Effing and jeffing like
blinking Gordon Ramsay
146
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,960
if he's just had a particular
disappointing souffle.
147
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,200
But the lights do
have to come off.
148
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,160
Oh.
149
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,120
Oh.
150
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,360
And permanently.
151
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:32,720
Gutted, mate. Oh.
152
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,440
No, I know, it's sickening,
it's sickening.
153
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,760
I'm gutted, absolutely gutted.
154
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,240
But you know, they can…
155
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,920
they can deflate our Santas but
they can't deflate what's in there.
156
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,040
-What?
-Christmas.
157
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,360
Andrew, what's this?
158
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,480
Ah, you spotted it, yes,
159
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,160
that is a rather high-end
chemistry set for Emily.
160
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,200
Yeah, but I reserved a Sparklehoof online.
161
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,360
Oh, Sparklehoof, yeah,
that's the big seller this year.
162
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:57,400
I saw it on The One Show.
163
00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,760
Did you? Yeah, well, what
The One Show doesn't tell you
164
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,200
is that when you see it up close
it's really just a lot of plastic
165
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,480
made in Taiwan rubbish, so I thought,
166
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,840
no, that is not what
my little baby's gonna get.
167
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,160
Yeah, but that's what she wants,
she's been talking about it all year.
168
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,400
All you had to do was collect it.
169
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:11,840
Yeah, why didn't you collect it?
170
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,640
Yeah, well, ha, but I got to the checkout
and they just hiked the price,
171
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,040
just like that 'cause
it's Christmas, unbelievable.
172
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,360
Andrew, it was
the first thing on her list.
173
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,600
Oh, it was the first thing on her list?
174
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,360
You don't get everything on your list,
do you? That's well known.
175
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,240
It's not a list of demands
like a ransom note.
176
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,520
The list is there for us
to just cast an eye over.
177
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,760
Thanks very much for your suggestions,
we'll take it from here, sweetheart.
178
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,520
Alright, I never got everything
I wanted when I was a kid
179
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,640
and it made me the man I am today.
180
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,000
Well, I won't argue with that.
181
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,720
Thank you.
182
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:37,840
Wait, was that barbed?
183
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,880
[door slams]
184
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,600
Sold out, of course, right,
well, thanks for your help anyway.
185
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,200
Honestly, I don't think there's a problem.
186
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,440
I think we just get behind
the chemistry set.
187
00:08:58,520 --> 00:08:59,680
You know, it's got actual magnesium.
188
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,440
Oh, actual magnesium.
189
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,640
We'll put it with her
Brief History of Time colouring book.
190
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:09,840
[doorbell rings]
191
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:10,760
I'll get it.
192
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,520
You shall go to the ball, Cinders.
193
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:16,960
Now's not a great time, Dev.
194
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,560
-[Dev chuckles]
-Do come in.
195
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,120
Here he is, the man with the plan.
Brown Santa here to the rescue.
196
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,160
Are you per chance still in the market for
a Sparklehoof? 'Cause I found one online.
197
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,120
Oh, thanks, Dev, but it's Christmas Eve,
it'll never get here in time.
198
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,640
Click and Collect,
you just have to go and pick it up, mate.
199
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,520
Oh, my God, that's amazing, thank you.
200
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:35,560
That's great.
201
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:36,840
Yeah, I mean I was online for ages,
202
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,400
right, and I was just like,
okay, Dev, we can do this.
203
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:40,720
I was like, kind of, you know,
that Minority Report film?
204
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,640
-Yeah.
-I was like that, just getting…
205
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,320
-Let me have a look at it.
-…Sparklehoof and Googling everywhere.
206
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,080
-Found one, it was fake.
-Oh, God.
207
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,440
-Found another site and, bang, I got it.
-Amazing.
208
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,080
I honestly think it might be the last
one left in the whole of the UK.
209
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,240
Wow.
210
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,120
That is a magical story, thank you.
211
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,520
Better get a move on, though,
it's in Carlisle.
212
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,080
-It's where?
-Carlisle.
213
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,120
Well, how far's Carlisle?
214
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,680
It's a bit of a mission,
I mean, I… I realise that.
215
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:03,800
Four and a half hours' drive.
216
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,320
Whoa, that far? That is a mission.
217
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,360
Oh, well, that's too far on Christmas Eve.
218
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,600
But thanks for meddling.
219
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,640
You know what, Andrew,
I think it is doable.
220
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:11,880
A lot of things are doable.
221
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,640
Yeah, it's definitely doable.
I mean, if you leave right now.
222
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,320
Thing is, you can't really put a price on
your daughter's happiness, can you?
223
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,480
-No.
-No, you can't but then her happiness
224
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:22,000
will be heavily discounted
on Boxing Day, so…
225
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,960
Okay, you know what,
I'll go and then I'll come back
226
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,760
and I'll do the turkey and the gammon
and the roast potatoes
227
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,280
and the carrots and the parsnips
and the bread sauce
228
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,680
and the cranberry sauce
and the knobby greens
229
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,320
and the devils on horseback
and the little pigs in blankets,
230
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,360
and the Yorkshire puddings
because Andrew insists
231
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,040
on having them on Christmas Day.
232
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,280
Wow, you're gonna do
all of that and drive to Carlisle?
233
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,520
No, Dev, I'm being passive aggressive.
234
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,000
Ah, didn't get that, did you?
235
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,040
Did you not?
No, there was a minor subtext.
236
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,560
Alright, off I go.
237
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:47,960
Thank you.
238
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,840
The nine hours to Carlisle and back.
239
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,560
Wow, I tell you what,
240
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:57,680
any chump who could find his flies can
be a father, but that… that is a dad.
241
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,840
Oh. Who said that originally?
Was that Wordsworth?
242
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,160
-No, I literally just came up with it now.
-Did ya?
243
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,760
Right, I'll get the tunes and snacks
sorted and I'll meet you at the car.
244
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,120
What?
245
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,600
You get the car started and I'll get
the tunes and the snacks.
246
00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:09,800
Oh, God, no.
247
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,360
Because you've already done too much.
248
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,520
Don't be silly, Andy, I don't mind.
249
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,920
It'll be that drink that
we never got round to.
250
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,040
I think it'll be nice for you to
have the company, Andrew.
251
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,080
Do you?
252
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,440
Hmm. Because you know me,
when I'm doing any kind
253
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,480
of nine hour journey,
I prefer to do it alone.
254
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,880
Just, boom, get out there and get
the job done, voom, straight back.
255
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,960
No, but, Andy, I have to
come because it's on my card.
256
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,960
Oh, he's got every base covered.
257
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,440
Isn't it my turn to do
the turkey this year?
258
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:38,840
No, definitely not.
259
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,600
You're happy for us
just to fall into our…
260
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,160
into your stereotypical
gender roles?
261
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,640
Yeah, happy to let this one slide.
262
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:50,480
-Ah, alright, well, off we go.
-Yeah?
263
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,440
Road trip, Carlisle, here we come.
264
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,960
Dah-da-dah!
265
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,400
Good luck.
266
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,800
[music: "Run, Rudolph, Run"
by The Brian Setzer Orchestra]
267
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,240
[beatboxing]
268
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,640
Chuka, chuka, slow it down.
269
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,920
Oh. Wasn't expecting the shotgun.
270
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:39,760
Yeah, and that's all self-taught,
it's just YouTube tutorials.
271
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,720
-I do singing as well.
-No need.
272
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,840
[beatboxing and singing]
273
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,240
It doesn't mean anything, it's just words.
274
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,200
No, it doesn't. I can tell.
275
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,640
I'm not actually saying anything,
it's just the…
276
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,000
No, I can tell.
277
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,840
Maoam?
278
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,360
No, thanks.
279
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,920
Come on. Yeah, go on,
I'll put it in for you.
280
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:11,160
Don't leave me hanging,
and it's there now. Ahhhh, say ahhh.
281
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,400
Look at that, there we go.
282
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,560
-Whoa!
-Oh. Dev, Dev!
283
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,400
Well, that's the gas out of it now.
284
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,520
Dev!
285
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,480
Sorry, sorry, so sorry.
286
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,080
Oh, do the wipers.
287
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,000
[dry scraping]
288
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,360
They're on the outside, Dev.
289
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:30,520
Oh, God, yeah.
290
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:32,640
Sod's law.
291
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:34,920
You've got some on your glasses.
292
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,600
-Dev, I'm trying to drive!
-Sorry, sorry.
293
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,360
[lights play "Stop the Calvary"]
294
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,360
Didn't even… didn't even
see you carrying them.
295
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:47,240
Yeah. Kai and Ethan,
they go absolutely nuts for these.
296
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,480
-Do they?
-Yeah.
297
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,280
I tell you what, they know it's Christmas
when big pappy roles up
298
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,360
with these on the dashboard,
you know? Ho-ho-ho!
299
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,600
Yeah.
300
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:56,280
That's one thing I have got
over Dave, you know.
301
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,080
Yes, he's got a Range Rover
but he will not festoon it.
302
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,680
I can see why, 'cause they are making it
quite hard for me to see the road.
303
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,240
Are they? Okay, sorry, mate.
304
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:07,320
["Stop the Cavalry"
plays slower and slower]
305
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:15,680
Ah, it's got a battery life of
40 minutes, okay. That'll fly by.
306
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,880
[shouting] It's Christmas!
307
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:24,960
[chuckles]
308
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,360
That's the fourth time
you've done that, innit?
309
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,560
-It's still funny, innit?
-Yeah, no, it is, yes.
310
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,920
No, I love Christmas,
it's like Diwali but with turkey,
311
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,040
you know, and the kids
love it as well, Kai and Ethan.
312
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,840
When you see us playing, you won't
know who's the grown-up, honestly.
313
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,040
[laughs]
314
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,360
You've got them tomorrow, have you?
315
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:42,360
Tomorrow, no, um,
Mandy's got them this year, so, uh…
316
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,640
Dave's actually taking them
to Disney World, Florida,
317
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,960
which is bloody nice of him.
318
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,560
No, tomorrow, um,
got the day to myself, so…
319
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:54,320
Well, I envy you. We've got our
whole mob descending on us,
320
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:58,160
eating me out of house and home,
you're the lucky one.
321
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,680
Traffic's getting worse.
322
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:22,160
Isn't it? Yeah, who'd have thought
that on Christmas Eve?
323
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,840
Okay, you know what?
Let's take this exit, come off here.
324
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,640
-Really?
-Yeah, yeah, get off here.
325
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,840
I know what I'm doing,
100 per cent, 100 per cent.
326
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,680
Mugs staying on the motorway
when it's like that, it's chock-a-block.
327
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,880
Okay, so which exit am I taking here?
328
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,240
Um, first, second, doesn't really matter,
329
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,000
you know, it's the beauty
of the age that we live in.
330
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,720
Have you not got a route in mind?
331
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,000
It's the age of the satnav.
What we'll do, we'll just go down here,
332
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,120
then it's seen that we've taken
the diversion, it'll give us a new route.
333
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,360
[satnav] Recalculating.
334
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:50,760
There we go, see, it's got us now.
335
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:55,360
At the first opportunity, turn around
and take M6 northbound.
336
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,360
It just seems to be
telling us to turn round.
337
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,120
Ignore it, okay, we need to
show it that we mean business.
338
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,000
At the first opportunity,
turn around and take M6…
339
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,520
Right, so where am I
going here, left or right?
340
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:08,400
You know what,
it literally doesn't matter. Um, right.
341
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,200
Yeah, we'll just go down here for a bit.
342
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:19,920
At the first opportunity,
turn around and take M6 northbound.
343
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,920
I don't think the plan's working.
344
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,360
It's testing us, carry on.
345
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:25,520
Recalculating.
346
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:26,680
Here we go.
347
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,040
At the first opportunity,
turn around and take…
348
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,640
The balls on this thing, mate.
349
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:35,960
No, no, no, what are you doing?
350
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,240
I'm gonna turn around and
go back the way we came.
351
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:38,640
No, Andy, honestly, it's gonna be fine.
352
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:39,880
-We're in the middle of nowhere.
-It's gonna be fine.
353
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,760
-We're just gonna be driving around.
-Continue for one mile.
354
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,280
Ah! Here we go, told you.
355
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,720
Alright, we're not out of
the woods yet, literally.
356
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,360
[laughs]
357
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,800
Oh, yeah. Is it alright if I use that?
358
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,560
Note to self, um, if in woods and lost,
359
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,880
just say, "We're not
out of the woods yet."
360
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,800
What's wrong? Why have you stopped?
361
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,920
Why have I stopped? 'Cause I'm gonna
have to reverse back up to that junction.
362
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,280
What are you talking about?
Just drive through.
363
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,160
I can't drive through, it's flooded.
364
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,600
It's a ford. Haven't you
ever forded before?
365
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,200
Oh, I've forded before, boy, alright?
I'm one of the great forders.
366
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,200
But the point is that this
is flooded, it's… it's not passable.
367
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,000
A ford is a flood, a flood that's
passable, that's the whole point.
368
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,760
Andy, honestly, we haven't got time.
369
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,360
I'll tell you what, let's swap places,
I'll take her through.
370
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,000
Hey! No, you're not getting
behind this wheel, alright?
371
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,400
No one drives this car but me.
372
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,800
And that's not just me saying that,
that's also Aviva.
373
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,120
I'm not voiding my policy
'cause of your antics.
374
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,760
Alright, let's go.
375
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,480
Easy, easy.
376
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:57,240
Easy, that's it. Easy.
377
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,040
Easy.
378
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,240
Nice and easy.
379
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,520
There we go. There we go.
380
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,120
What… what are you doing?
Why have you stopped?
381
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,160
Oh, God.
382
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,640
-[engine revs]
-That's it.
383
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,720
-Steady as she goes.
-Oh, no, I knew it, we're stuck.
384
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,280
Okay, what you need to do
is slowly give her some gas…
385
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,360
I know how to drive a car. Thanks very
much, Richard Hammond, we're stuck.
386
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:19,560
Oh!
387
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,760
Alright, that's on me, okay. My bad,
my bad. I hold my hands up, okay.
388
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,960
I'll take that one, you've gotta admit
when you're… What are you doing?
389
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,760
I'm gonna have to call a breakdown,
get ourselves towed out.
390
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,040
No, no, no, hold in a minute,
she just needs a little push.
391
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:32,320
-Dev! Dev!
-Oh, God! Oh, God!
392
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,360
What are you doing?
393
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,200
Oh, God! Alright. Sorry.
394
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,360
What is wrong with you?
395
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:37,760
Sorry.
396
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,320
Oh, just sit there and try not to help.
397
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,120
Okay, sorry.
398
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,000
I've got no signal.
399
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,920
Shall I… check my phone?
400
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,120
Yes.
401
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,320
It's just that you said don't help.
402
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,240
Check your phone!
403
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,440
Nada.
404
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,560
Oh, no.
405
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,920
Alright, I've got… Oh.
406
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,880
Hang on.
407
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,120
Anything?
408
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:15,240
No. I've got a ba…
Oh, no, it's gone. Hang on.
409
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:17,080
Yeah.
410
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,400
-What network are you on?
-Here we go.
411
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,200
Oh, yeah, got flags here.
412
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,240
Alright, let's get this show
back on the road.
413
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,440
Oh, you're joking.
414
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,000
Aagh!
415
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,480
Yeah.
416
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,600
Again, just very, very sorry.
417
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,400
I should have waited, I just saw it
and I thought, oh, okay.
418
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:57,600
Anyway, listen, let's get these blowers
on, yeah, let's get you dried up, huh?
419
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,720
I also just accidentally
saw your winky there.
420
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,360
[Dev] There we go, back in
the fast lane, making progress.
421
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,360
[Andrew] Well, not exactly, 'cause this
is the same junction we came off at.
422
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,880
Is it? Nah, it looks different.
423
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,240
It looks different 'cause
it's a bit darker now.
424
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,640
Hello!
425
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,040
There you go, got you something to wear.
426
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:31,920
It's all they had in your size.
427
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,920
That's all they had?
428
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:41,640
Literally can't find them anywhere,
they're like gold dust.
429
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,640
Yeah, I know, you can't get hold
of those for love nor money.
430
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,320
I know, right?
So, I go online, good neighbour,
431
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,880
only managed to find one, didn't I?
432
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,120
Shut up!
433
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,800
Click and Collect, I honestly think
it might be the last one left
434
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,920
in the whole country,
but, uh-oh, it's in Carlisle.
435
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,600
Well, you know, just outside,
you know, King's View Retail Park?
436
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,200
And we're Bedford. Me and my mate, Andy,
we're going down there now to collect it.
437
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,840
Oh, there he is, Andy!
438
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,400
If you're wondering,
it's the only thing in my size.
439
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:08,600
[laughs]
440
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,680
This card machine's not working.
Just give me a sec,
441
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,400
-I'll go and look for another one.
-Yeah, no worries.
442
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:14,960
[kids shouting]
443
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,000
Andy, how about a cheeky five minutes
on the arcade before we hit the road?
444
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,280
No.
445
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,480
Me and you, come on,
on the little mini motorbikes,
446
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,120
[revving noises]
Show those boys who's got pubes.
447
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,360
-That's tempting.
-Yeah?
448
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,360
-Um, but the answer's still no.
-[Dev sighs]
449
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,360
How much money have you got on you?
450
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,400
-I don't know, 40 quid.
-Nice one.
451
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,520
Love, can we pay cash? Quicker, innit?
452
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,400
Nice one, thank you.
453
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,640
Just the two junior
fun meals for you, is it?
454
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,480
Yeah, I always get these and
I save the toys for Kai and Ethan.
455
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,440
-There you go, lovey.
-Hey, hey, hey.
456
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,360
-Good luck with your mission.
-Thank you. Oi, Merry Christmas, yeah?
457
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,040
-Merry Christmas to you.
-He's an elf!
458
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,120
Would you believe I'm V.A.T. registered?
459
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,800
Sorry to bother you gents, but
I'm trying to get enough for the shelter.
460
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,760
You haven't got any spare change?
461
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,200
Oh, you know what,
I'm strictly plastic these days.
462
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,360
But I tell you what, you can
have my big boy milkshake, enjoy.
463
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:06,400
Oh, you're a gem.
464
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,360
Isn't he just?
465
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:08,360
Are you sure you don't
have any spare change?
466
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,360
I don't have any spare
change currently, no.
467
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,520
Andy, she just gave you some,
you're literally holding it.
468
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:13,960
It's not spare change, though, is it?
469
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,280
That's just, you know what I mean,
that's…
470
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:16,720
I think he means kind
of coins or something.
471
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,600
No, no, that's loose change.
You'd accept a tenner, innit?
472
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,560
-Yeah.
-He'd accept a tenner.
473
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:24,840
I'm sure he will 'cause he's,
you know, a homeless man.
474
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,720
Aw!
475
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:37,160
-Oh. That is generous, a tenner?
-Yeah.
476
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,360
God bless you, sir. Merry Christmas.
477
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,680
Merry Christmas, mate. Aw!
478
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,920
You know what? The world needs
more Andys, it'd be a better place.
479
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,760
They'd all be skint though,
wouldn't they?
480
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,200
Um, you shouldn't do that really
'cause I actually read an article once
481
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,800
written by a former homeless guy,
it was in the Telegraph,
482
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,000
and he said that if you just give it
to them, they just spend it on
483
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,360
booze and drugs, and so it's
much better to give it to charity.
484
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,560
Ah, and you do that, do you?
485
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,000
Are you gonna eat these?
'Cause I don't them in the car.
486
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,080
Yeah, let's go.
487
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,360
Obviously the place is mobbed.
488
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,600
So, I tell you what,
we'll beat the queue, okay.
489
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,000
I'll park, you pay, teamwork
makes the dream work, yeah?
490
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,360
Let's do this.
491
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,080
I honestly think it might be the last
one left in the whole country.
492
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,600
[laughs] Carlisle, can you imagine?
493
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,800
We're Bedford, we're on
our way up there now, ha.
494
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,760
Ah. Dev, by the way…
495
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,240
Right, next stop, Carlisle!
496
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:41,360
[car grinds]
497
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,200
Why… why is it making that sound?
498
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,400
That sounds bad.
499
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,000
That's just diesel engines, innit, noisy.
500
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,760
[engine stops]
501
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,320
What do you mean by diesel engines?
502
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,000
Once again, just very, very sorry.
503
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,120
Why in God's name would
you just assume it's a diesel?
504
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,520
Okay, if I'm being honest, I thought,
you know, switched on guy like you,
505
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,880
does a lot of motorway mileage,
it's gotta be a diesel.
506
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:03,880
What?!
507
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,520
Are we sure it's not a diesel?
508
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,600
Yes!! We're sure because
I remember five years ago
509
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,720
when I bought it, it wasn't a diesel!
510
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,600
[music: "A Holly Jolly Christmas"
by Burl Ives]
511
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,120
Alright, thanks. Bye.
512
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,880
What'd they say?
513
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,640
Apparently a couple of squirts of Cillit
Bang in the tank and we'll be good to go.
514
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,560
-Really?
-No, obviously not.
515
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,080
It's gonna take them
three hours to get here
516
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,680
and another 30 minutes
to drain the tank.
517
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:30,760
Oh!
518
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,320
[sighs] It's over, alright?
519
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,880
No, Andy, don't say that.
Alright, listen, I'm gonna sort it.
520
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,720
-I'm gonna get us a lift.
-How are you gonna do that?
521
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,840
I'm bringing out the big guns.
I'm tweeting.
522
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,960
Just one retweet from a Lineker,
a Rowling, an Edmonds,
523
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,560
we're gonna be swamped with offers.
524
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,280
Dev, you've killed the car, it's over.
525
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,120
No, no, Andy, I can fix it, I promise.
Mate, it's Christmas, people like to help.
526
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:56,520
Mate! Oi, mate! Can we do a car swap?
Ours isn't working! Mate!
527
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,800
You're gonna get sectioned,
rightly sectioned.
528
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,160
No, Dev!
529
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,080
Mate, mate, mate…
530
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,680
Ignore him,
he's just drank a whole bottle of Coke.
531
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,080
Can we borrow your motor?
532
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,080
We're just waiting for the breakdown
guy, we'll be two hours max.
533
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,000
Dev, the man's trying to work,
leave him alone. Sorry about this.
534
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,520
Okay, please, look, we're trying
to save a little girl's Christmas, yeah,
535
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,720
we need to get the shop before
it shuts. He'll give you 200 quid.
536
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:15,560
-What?
-200 quid? Yeah.
537
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:16,520
Alright, yeah.
538
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,160
That's it, we're going to Carlisle.
539
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,120
We're not going to Carlisle,
Dev, that's not a car.
540
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,880
Alright, that's one of those things
you see in an airport
541
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:24,560
that's taking elderly passengers
to their plane
542
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:25,720
'cause they're gonna
be late otherwise.
543
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:26,760
No offence.
544
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:27,840
It goes up to 50.
545
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,720
-It goes up to 50!
-It goes up to 50? No! This is madness.
546
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,640
Yeah, I know,
but what other choice have we got left?
547
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,160
Uh, to not do it.
548
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:37,800
Please try and stay positive, mate.
549
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,880
This is nothing to do with
staying positive, alright?
550
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,760
This is not a vehicle for grown-ups,
this is made by Fisher-Price.
551
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:43,720
No offence.
552
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,040
[scoffs] I don't get you, man,
like what kind of dad are you?
553
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:48,520
What kind of dad am I?
554
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,320
Yeah. I'll do anything to save my kids'
Christmas. I'll walk over broken glass.
555
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,520
Says the man who's only gotta take his
kids to Mega Bowl every other weekend.
556
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,520
Tomorrow my kids are
gonna be 4,000 miles away.
557
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,280
If it meant I could see them
smile on Christmas morning,
558
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,840
I'd be up that hard shoulder
on a unicycle.
559
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,560
So, do you wanna take Bertha or not?
560
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,240
Night-night sweetheart.
Remember, the sooner you go to sleep,
561
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,400
the sooner it'll be Christmas morning.
562
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:34,640
Night-night, Daddy.
563
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,880
Sleep tight. Can you put Mummy back on?
564
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,280
Hello, so, how's it going?
565
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,920
Not great, if I'm honest.
We had a bit of car trouble.
566
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,800
Oh, no, what happened?
567
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,680
I… it's nothing to worry about,
I'll explain later.
568
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,520
But we're not gonna make it.
569
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:54,800
Oh.
570
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:56,880
Sorry.
571
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,840
Well, just get home safe.
572
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,080
Am I a bad father?
573
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:09,440
No, I think you're a great dad.
Look how far you've gone.
574
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:15,640
You tried everything.
What more could you do?
575
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:20,960
I'll see you soon then.
576
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,240
Night, love.
577
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,440
Good night.
578
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:28,480
[music: "Have Yourself A Merry Little
Christmas" performed by Bob Dylan]
579
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,560
[horn honking]
580
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,520
[horn honking]
581
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,320
[horn honking]
582
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:16,120
Whooo! Come on! Oh, God,
I've never felt more alive!
583
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,440
This is the greatest £200 I've ever spent!
584
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:19,800
-Isn't it?
-Aargh!
585
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,040
-See?
-Whoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
586
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,480
We made it and with time to spare.
587
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,040
Gotta hand it to you,
we're not dead, we're not in jail,
588
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,200
we're here within store opening hours.
589
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:39,240
You said you'd get us here.
590
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:40,960
Now, let's get that plastic unicorn.
591
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,520
Evening, squire, we have clicked
and now we have come to collect.
592
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:51,920
We have I just need your payment card.
593
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,400
No problemo.
594
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,040
Sparklehoof the Unicorn Princess,
595
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,880
I think you'll find there's
only one left in stock.
596
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,160
We've come from Bedford.
597
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,160
Hey, Andy, we should contact
The One Show about this.
598
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:03,320
They would love this.
599
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:04,680
This is a proper story of love.
600
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,480
-That Welsh lady…
-There's no reservation against this card.
601
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,000
Say what?
602
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,920
There's no reservation against
this card on the system.
603
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,080
No, there definitely is,
just try again, please.
604
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,080
[machine beeps]
605
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:18,600
No, nothing.
606
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:22,000
What's happening, Dev?
You definitely did buy it, did you?
607
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,400
Yeah, I've got the email,
I've got the email receipt.
608
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:26,360
We do need the payment card
unfortunately.
609
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,320
Was it another card, Dev?
610
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,800
You do strike me as a man who
may have a lot of credit cards.
611
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,480
No, it was definitely this card.
612
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:38,440
Hold on a minute, this isn't my card.
Who's Jessica Hughes?
613
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,360
[woman] There you go, madam, I've
popped your receipt in the bag for you.
614
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:42,840
Merry Christmas.
615
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,680
Oh. That's Jessica Hughes.
616
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:48,960
Excuse me, excuse me!
617
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:50,400
-Dev…
-Excuse me!
618
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,960
Excuse me, excuse me!
619
00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,560
There, she's there! Come on, let's go!
620
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,520
Come on, quick, she's getting away!
621
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,040
Let's go, let's go, pedal to the metal!
622
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:19,880
What are you doing? Why are you stopping?
623
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,320
Why exactly are we chasing a lone
woman through a carpark at night?
624
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,800
That's the woman from
the burger bar, remember?
625
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,040
She switched the cards.
She's got your Sparklehoof!
626
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:31,920
-What are you doing?
-Calling the police.
627
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,400
-No, why?
-A crime's been committed.
628
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,320
What, and how long are the
police gonna take to sort it out?
629
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,720
A day? A week? A month?
That's if they do anything at all!
630
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,280
Tupac was shot and killed on
the Las Vegas Strip
631
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,360
and to this day
his killer walks free.
632
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:44,440
Oh.
633
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,240
Now you need your Sparklehoof
tonight, am I right?
634
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:47,600
-Yeah.
-Am I right?!
635
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,800
Yes! But what are we
gonna do about it? I don't…
636
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:51,240
Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut-tut-ta!
637
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,160
Brown Santa's gonna save Christmas.
638
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,800
Sorry, who's Brown Santa?
639
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:58,560
-Me!
-Oh, okay.
640
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,480
[music: "10 Dollar" by M.I.A.]
641
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,960
-Hi, uh, is Jessica still here?
-Sorry?
642
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:29,800
Jess. Oh, God,
I haven't missed her, have I?
643
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,080
Oh, Jessie, well, she finished
a couple of hours ago.
644
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,240
Damn it! I couldn't get away
from the soup kitchen any earlier,
645
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,280
and my phone's dead. Urgh!
646
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,080
Can I help ya?
647
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,760
Right, so you know [mumbles]
who works at the noodle bar?
648
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:45,200
Who?
649
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,320
[mumbles] who works at the noodle bar.
650
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:48,320
Sue?
651
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,200
Sue, exactly. So, um,
I'm Sue's husband, right.
652
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:52,520
Didn't you die?
653
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,480
I did die. I did…
654
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,760
for six minutes,
but then God bless the NHS,
655
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:02,560
they got the old ticker going again.
656
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:07,240
Anyway, Sue asked me to give Jessie this
Christmas present, um, it's for her kid.
657
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,200
Oh.
658
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:09,680
I even hired a giant elf.
659
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,280
Hiya.
660
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:12,480
Hi.
661
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,960
Damn it, that's her Christmas ruined.
662
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,920
Oh. Hold on, you wouldn't
have her address, would you?
663
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,360
That was amazing. Honestly.
664
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,120
And I don't say this lightly,
you reminded me of Lovejoy.
665
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:32,120
Thank you.
666
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,600
[tyres screech]
667
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,640
Stop, stop, stop, that's the one.
668
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,640
Now, you can leave the talking to me.
669
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,920
I actually do quite a lot of
the contractual negotiations at work.
670
00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,440
Granted a lot of that's by email but…
671
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:00,640
Dev?
672
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,480
Bingo!
673
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,480
We're not negotiating.
674
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,080
What are you doing?
675
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:11,640
No one's home, we're breaking in.
676
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:13,440
No, we're obviously not!
677
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:16,040
Have you got a credit card?
You can open locks with credit cards.
678
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:17,720
We're not breaking in!
679
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:19,760
Alright, Andy, listen to me,
in a few hours,
680
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,880
either her kid's Christmas
is ruined or yours is.
681
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:23,520
Now, give me that credit card.
682
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,240
Will it work with a Visa debit?
683
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:26,440
Oh, yes.
684
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,200
Have you done this before?
685
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:32,520
Nah, but how hard can it be?
686
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,320
Oh.
687
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,720
Harder than it looks, apparently.
Hold that.
688
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,200
-No, don't!
-It's the only way, it's for Emily!
689
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,080
-There's another way.
-There's no other way.
690
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,480
There is another way! Look, just there.
691
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,400
-Oh, there is another way.
-Right?
692
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,240
Classic key under the gnome.
693
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,480
[suspenseful music]
694
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,480
[car engine outside]
695
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,280
Oh, ooh…
696
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,320
[whispering]
697
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:44,520
[Jessie] Here we are, look.
698
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,400
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
699
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,080
Good girl.
700
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:53,760
Night-night.
701
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,680
[music: "I Believe In Father Christmas"
by Greg Lake]
702
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:45,000
Ho, ho, ho. Shh.
703
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:03,560
It was the right thing to do.
704
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:07,640
What else could you do?
705
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:11,080
You're a good man.
706
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,000
Let's get a dirty little burger
and go home.
707
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,800
You're gonna have to spot me, though,
'cause I haven't got any cash.
708
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,360
I assumed that would be the case.
709
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:21,520
You're a good man.
710
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,000
Thanks.
711
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:33,320
What are you writing?
712
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,480
"Dearest Emily, Father Christmas here.
713
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:41,800
It's very unusual for me to
write directly to clients…"
714
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,080
Children?
715
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:46,520
Children.
716
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,840
"But unfortunately you will not receive
the gift you requested
717
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:52,880
because of supply chain issues due to
market uncertainty surrounding Brexit.
718
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:59,440
Despite the fact you've been
an extremely good girl… this year…"
719
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,760
Hey, come on. You'll get her
one in a few days' time.
720
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:10,640
What's the difference?
You were right,
721
00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:14,880
people go way over the top about
Christmas. Tomorrow's just another day.
722
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:18,040
It's not though, is it?
It's Christmas Day.
723
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,760
Mate, why don't we have
a quick go on the arcades?
724
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,200
Because I'm 43 years old.
725
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,920
And your point is?
726
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,640
[dance music]
727
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,320
This is how I get all my cardio.
728
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,440
[machine] New high score.
729
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:58,400
Another?
730
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,120
Yeah! I mean, yeah.
If you want one, yeah.
731
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:01,800
Go on then, do you wanna…
732
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,800
Oh, yeah. Cheers.
733
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,960
Oh, oh, butter fingers.
734
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,560
Oh, my days!
735
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,400
Andy, come here, come here, come here.
736
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,320
Oh, my days.
737
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:32,720
Right, listen,
this is my domain. I got this.
738
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,160
Easy.
739
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,880
Easy.
740
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,320
Easy.
741
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:06,200
Easy…
742
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:13,920
Oh!
743
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,400
Alright, listen, how much
cash have you got left?
744
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,160
Twenty.
745
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:24,560
Go and get it changed. I'm gonna
get you that plastic unicorn.
746
00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:29,360
[music: "Feel It Still"
by Portugal. The Man]
747
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:30,800
[cashier bell rings]
748
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:14,840
Argh!
749
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:16,040
Damn it!
750
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:20,720
This is our last pound.
751
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:35,600
Easy.
752
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:13,520
No!
753
00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:18,880
Andy, I'm sorry, I let you down.
754
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:20,600
It's over.
755
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:24,480
No, it's not. A wise man once said to me,
756
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:28,160
"It's Christmas, people like to help."
757
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:33,640
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
if I can have your attention, please.
758
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:40,080
I know what you're thinking
and I am not a drug addict,
759
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,880
I am not a drinker.
760
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,680
I'll occasionally have a mulled wine,
um, and probably just the one,
761
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:48,960
and almost always with food.
762
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:54,240
Uh, but the point is, I am trying
to save my daughter's Christmas.
763
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,840
All she wants is a plastic unicorn,
but because of me,
764
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,520
tomorrow she's gonna open a chemistry set.
765
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,880
Which, let's face it,
is basically just extra school.
766
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:10,760
Uh, but, if you were able to help me
tonight, reach into your pockets
767
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,520
and give any spare change,
uh, and spare change,
768
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,880
I should clarify,
does include £10 notes.
769
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,400
Then tomorrow…
770
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:23,000
I can see my daughter smile
on Christmas morning.
771
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,800
[they return to their conversations]
772
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:28,720
Oh, you people make me sick!
773
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,080
-Okay, mate.
-No, I mean, look at them.
774
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:32,720
-Alright, Andy.
-Skinflints!
775
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,200
Yeah, you heard it.
776
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,680
I read an article that you
shouldn't give them money,
777
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:38,680
much better to give to a charity.
778
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,480
All out of luck, eh, boys?
779
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,720
Well, I know all about that.
780
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:51,080
Let's see if we can't
do something here.
781
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,440
Thank you.
782
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:07,160
Every child ought to get
what they want at Christmas.
783
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,800
Wait. It couldn't be, could it?
784
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:20,880
-Oh!
-[urinating]
785
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,880
-No, definitely not.
-Nah, it's not, come on, come on.
786
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:29,520
Kiss it.
787
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,400
I don't wanna kiss it,
a tramp had it in his pocket.
788
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,760
[both] Aaaarrgh!
789
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:52,600
[music: "Stop The Cavalry"
by Jona Lewie]
790
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,720
[both] ♪ Dub-a-dub-a-dum-dum
Dub-a-dub-a-dum ♪
791
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,360
♪ Dub-a-dum-dum-dub-a-dum
Dub-a-dub-a-dum ♪
792
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,400
♪ Dub-a-dub-a-dum-dum
Dub-a-dub-a-dum ♪
793
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,840
♪ Dub-a-dum-dum-dub-a-dum
Drop it, Dev! ♪
794
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:11,360
-[beatboxing]
-♪ I wish I was at home… ♪
795
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,800
[both] ♪ For Christmas! ♪
796
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:16,680
It's like carpool karaoke.
797
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:17,760
I'm telling you, mate!
798
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,760
-Maoam, sir?
-Poppy in there.
799
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:22,480
Oh, we're all out.
800
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,800
Oh. Oh, that's annoying.
801
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:30,680
Well, um, something I didn't
mention on the drive up, out of,
802
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:36,120
if I'm honest, selfishness, is that
if you would look in my jacket pocket,
803
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:39,000
you will find some
yoghurt-covered raisins.
804
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:40,360
Come on!
805
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,880
I keep them in there for Emily.
She's a lovely sweet girl, but, um,
806
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:46,720
she has anything with E numbers,
she is an absolute fascist.
807
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,560
-I mean, a real--
-What?!
808
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,240
-You got me a card?
-Don't open that.
809
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:52,280
-Why not?
-Don't open that.
810
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,440
Because it's not Christmas Day yet.
811
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,600
Oh, really?
Well, guess what, it will be in…
812
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,440
-five, four, three…
-Let me… let me…
813
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,920
-Two, one.
-… give it to you tomorrow morning.
814
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:08,680
"Dev, we are not friends. You're just
the bloke who lives next… door."
815
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:17,600
What happened was I wrote that,
uh, late at night
816
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,080
and I hadn't really
slept much but I…
817
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,360
There was no call from
the council, was there?
818
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:26,240
No.
819
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,360
But like I say, honestly, it…
I… it…
820
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:34,800
that was before tonight
and just hanging out.
821
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:36,720
-Yeah, yeah, of course.
-And getting to know you.
822
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,840
Yeah, you know, Andy, you know what?
It… it's completely fine,
823
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,640
I… I get it, man, it's cool,
honestly, it's cool. I'm cool.
824
00:46:42,720 --> 00:46:45,360
-Yeah?
-Yeah. Of course.
825
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:46,440
Good.
826
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,800
Let's get the tunes
back on, yeah? Come on.
827
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:54,360
Yeah. Let's have them on.
828
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:57,680
["Last Christmas" by Wham! plays]
829
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:08,920
[music fades out]
830
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:31,720
Well, alright then. Well, um,
thanks again for all your help with…
831
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,560
Yeah, yeah, no problem.
832
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:38,400
And I… You know, when
the madness of the season's over,
833
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,640
we should, uh, get that drink.
834
00:47:40,720 --> 00:47:41,840
100 per cent.
835
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:43,200
Merry Christmas!
836
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:59,480
[door opens and closes]
837
00:48:15,720 --> 00:48:18,200
Why are you dressed like a big elf?
838
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:20,440
It's a valid question.
839
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:32,280
What's wrong?
840
00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:36,800
I can't sleep.
841
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,680
Why not?
842
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,520
Because the lights aren't on.
843
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:53,120
["Merry Xmas Everybody" by Slade
plays on the radio]
844
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,240
[turns radio off]
845
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,560
[horn honking]
846
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,560
[horn honking]
847
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,040
[horn honking]
848
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:40,200
[horn honking]
849
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:57,360
Get used to that.
That'll be happening all Christmas.
850
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:01,720
Ho-ho-ho!
851
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:07,840
[music: "Rockin Around
The Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee]
852
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,600
Everyone, everyone,
can I have your attention, please?
853
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:14,880
Just wanna introduce you to someone.
854
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:20,280
This is Dev, he lives next door,
and he's my friend.
855
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,360
[all] Merry Christmas!
856
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:23,800
My jumper lights up.
857
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:25,320
[all] Oh!
858
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,080
That was crazy. Join in.
859
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:30,800
Daddy, look, Sparklehoof wants to play.
860
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,200
Oh, brilliant!
861
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:33,360
Dev, what are you drinking?
862
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,560
I'll just have a pint of
fizzy lemonade, please.
863
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:37,240
Oh, don't let him open the bottle.
864
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,120
[laughs]
The whole bottle fizzed last time…
865
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:56,760
Oh, God, honestly,
it was like the most epic journey ever.
866
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:58,720
Like we were just…
we were relentless,
867
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:00,800
we were relentless
to get that Christmas toy.
868
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:05,440
It was a little bit like that
Arnold Schwarzenegger film,
869
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:06,560
-you know, um…
-Yeah, Jingle All the Way?
870
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:08,000
No, Terminator II.
871
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:09,920
Yeah, so then we had an amazing Christmas.
872
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,960
Now we're basically
best friends forever, BFFs.
873
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:13,080
[laughs]
874
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:16,840
I tell you what, though,
it sounds exhausting.
875
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,680
I mean, what's on the cards for 2019?
You putting your feet up?
876
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:21,360
Well, we've got two weeks
planned in Mauritius.
877
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:23,480
Have we? Well, you've gotta
let me know dates,
878
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:24,640
'cause I need
to book time off work.
879
00:51:24,720 --> 00:51:27,120
No, no, me and my wife
and… and child.
880
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,480
Andy, come on, I'll bring
my little boys along as well,
881
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:35,920
we'll make it a big family holiday
and of course Emily needs to meet Ethan,
882
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,800
'cause, I mean, they're probably gonna
end up, you know, getting married.
883
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:40,800
Well, I… I don't think we
can assume that, can we?
884
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:42,240
Sure, it's a bit old fashioned,
885
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:44,160
they'll probably just
live together in sin, but, uh…
886
00:51:44,240 --> 00:51:47,480
No, I just meant, I… you know,
we can't be sure they're gonna hit it off.
887
00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:49,400
[laughs] Hit it off? Are you joking?
888
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:53,240
My little boy, Ethan, yeah, he's like me.
Imagine me but with no inhibition.
889
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:54,520
-Oh, God.
-Yeah.
890
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:55,960
[laughs]
891
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:02,480
Well, that is, uh…
it's a wonderful story.
892
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:03,800
Lads, thanks ever so much
for coming in.
893
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:05,000
Thank you.
894
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,920
Uh, now we're off to Budleigh
Salterton where Gyles Brandreth
895
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:10,200
has been tasting
the world's largest Scotch egg.
896
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:12,520
That sounds egg-cellent.
897
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:14,720
[laughs]
898
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:17,480
-Eggs. Egg-cellent.
-I got it, I got it, yeah.
899
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:18,840
God, I love this show.
900
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:23,360
I tell you what, I don't
care what Andy says,
901
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:24,720
I reckon you're better
than Adrian Chiles.
902
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:26,800
I never said anything
about Adrian Chiles, I never…
903
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,120
I think you're the best there's ever been,
including Chris Evans.
904
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:39,320
[music: "You Make My Dreams"
by Daryl Hall & John Oates]
70506
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.