All language subtitles for April.In.Paris.1952.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]12

- Good afternoon, Mr. Putnam.
- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Putnam.
- Good afternoon.

- Oh. Good afternoon, Mr. Putnam.
- You weren't paying attention.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Putnam.
- Good afternoon, Tracy.

- Everything in apple-pie order?
- Apple-pie order.

Fine, fine.

The mail, sir.

Oh, by the way, that Frenchman
still insists upon seeing you.

- Didn't you send him to Immigration?
- Yes. They sent him to Justice Department.

Justice sent him to Treasury,
Treasury sent him back.

Those are the usual channels.
What's his complaint?

This is his third time around.

Oh, I'm so busy setting up the festival,
but send him in.

Did you send for me?

Find room.

If you can.

Mr. Fouquet,
my secretary has already told you...

...there's nothing we can do.

- But I must be in Paris next week.
- Your passport is in order.

- You can leave whenever you wish.
- Whenever I wish.

But I have no money to buy my ticket.
And I cannot fly by myself, no?

I have spent all winter here
earning the Yankee dollar...

...but I do not have one Yankee penny.

Treasury had to freeze
all the money you've earned...

...until they determine
how much back taxes you owe.

- How long will that be?
- A week, two weeks, a month.

A month?

No money, no wine, no women?

How could a man live,
unless he's an American?

I'm sorry, but those are regulations.
There's nothing I can do.

Look, in France,
I am a famous entertainer.

I own my own nightclub.

In the bank, I have francs up to here.

I will call Paris...

...have my friends cable me some money.
Can I do that?

- Oh, yes.
- Fine.

But then we'll have to impound it
as soon as it arrives.

Monsieur, soon it will be springtime
in Paris.

The children will be dancing
in the Bois de Boulogne.

Men with tiny carts will be selling
marron chaud in the streets.

Um, chestnuts.

And everywhere, young couples
will be in each other's arms, kissing.

Have pity on a man who only breathes
and lives and loves when he's in Paris.

You-- You'll loan me enough to go, no?

It's against regulations.

- Second class?
- Impossible.

- Steerage?
- That's against regulations too.

Would you mind greasing me,
I will try to swim it.

- That's--
- I know, I know.

That's against regulations too.

All right, I will wait
to see a higher assistant.

Ladies and gentlemen, I do not like
to criticize your government...

...but everything is regulations.

Forms, red tape, efficiency,
no room for mistakes.

Now, what would happen
to this giant machine...

...if one little human error
should sneak in?

Things wouldn't be so apple-pie,
believe me.

This whole delicately
balanced mechanism would go poof.

Tracy, Tracy, something terrible
has happened.

- What's the matter?
- I'm flying to New York.

Phone the Harvard Club,
tell them I won't be home to dinner.

Tell them anything.

Make up something.

- I know why he's so excited.
- You do?

He got the Paris Festival letters mixed...

...and sent Ethel Barrymore's invitation
to a chorus girl.

A chorus girl?

I'd better start moving him out.

Poof.

Hold it, Mr. Putnam.

Mr. Putnam,
why the rush trip from Washington?

Is the Paris Festival off?

Any statement on the festival will have
to come from the assistant. I'm his aide.

But it's your baby,
International Festival of Arts.

We hear you're taking
a representative of theater.

Who is it to be,
Ethel Barrymore or Bugs Bunny?

Very droll.

The representatives
of the various arts...

...will be chosen
from the best America has to offer.

I'm sorry to disappoint you,
but everything is running quite smoothly.

Why'd you snatch the first hat you saw
and grab a plane?

I did not snatch the first hat I saw
as you so colorfully described it.

This is a routine visit, planned weeks ago.
Gentlemen, I bid you good day.

- Give us another statement.
- Mr. Putman.

Knickerbocker Theatre,
and see that we're not followed.

Okay, Dick Tracy,
it'll be our little secret.

That'll be 5 bucks even.

- There you are.
- Hey, Mac, what's with the tip?

Your rates are set
by the Interstate Commission.

They provide you with a living wage.

Maybe you'd like
to marry me for my money.

Tipping is undignified and un-American.
I believe it should be abolished by law.

Mac, I got a word of advice for you.

Don't cross any streets.

We got a big organization.

Hey, Mac, close that door.

- Where's your stub?
- My what?

You got a ticket
or you just come in to get warm?

Oh, no, I have no ticket.

I'm here on official business
for the United States government.

I would like to see, uh...

...Miss Ethel S. Jackson.

- Where can I find her?
- Dynamite Jackson?

Come here.

It must be good, it must be good
They fall in love in every neighborhood

There she is. Third from the left.

Get that itch alike
That's why it must be good

What a built, huh?

It must be nice
This one-way ticket up to paradise

Makes those rural folks
Turn to plural folks

I guess it must be nice

It's been written, don't rewrite it

Once you're smitten

You can't fight it

Whoever say
The man ain't made of wood

Sure understood

It must be good, it's very good

This only cure for chronic bachelorhood

Go start pricin' things
Shoes and rice and things

Labeled "hers" and "his"

And you'll find love is everything
That they say it is

Cole Porter asked
"What is this thing called love?"

If no one has answered you yet
My dear, Mr. Porter

We may not know just what love is

But we can tell you what it must be like

At least, we think we oughter

Are you listening, Mr. Porter?

Hmm?

It must be good, it's very good

This only cure for chronic bachelorhood

Go start pricin' things
Shoes and rice and things

Labeled "hers" and "his"

And you'll find love is everything
That they say it is

Love is everything that they say it is

Love is everything that they say it is

Love is everything that they say it is

What a built, huh?

Sit down.

Thank you.

Surprise!

- These are all for me?
- Take your thumb out of your mouth...

...and open the presents.
We have to get going.

- Oh, a nightgown.
- Do you like?

- How do I look?
- Beautiful.

- Honey, wonderful.
- Wear that on the boat so when they say:

"Women and children first,
they'll know which you are."

Oh, and slippers and a perfume.
Oh, kids, I love it.

And a dictionary. Just what I need.

- And the bill.
- Oh, give me that.

How'd that get in there?

Oh, kids.

Where'd you get the money for this?

We refuse to answer on the grounds
that it may incriminate us.

Don't look at me, I think I'm gonna cry.

- Here, use this.
- Go ahead.

Where can I find Miss Jackson?

You'll have to wait outside
with the rest of them.

You don't understand,
I represent the government.

- Our government?
- Yes.

Say, we're in worse shape than I thought.

On-stage.

Donna, did you want some cake?
Big piece.

I beg your pardon.

Here's a plate, here's a plate.

Miss Jackson?

- Do you want a big piece?
- Sure.

Miss Jackson.

- Let's have a speech. Come on.
- Speech! Speech!

Oh, no.

We want Jackson.
We want Jackson. We want Jackson.

I don't know what to say.

- Oh, come on.
- Good job.

Imagine the government picking me...

...to represent the American theater
at the festival in Paris, France.

- Sure, why not?
- Oh, honest...

...I couldn't believe it
when I got the letter.

I must be a kind of cross section
or something, I don't know.

Or it might be because
I'm the Equity representative, huh?

I'll wake up tomorrow
and find the whole thing is a big mistake.

- Miss Jackson, I--
- Shh.

Of course, I guess everybody
has a right once in their life...

...to have something really big
happen to them.

Well, this is my big moment.

It's something I'm gonna remember
just as long as I live.

If anybody tells anybody else
that I was crying, I'll knock them silly.

If they aren't already.

- Have a good trip.
- I will, dear.

- Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
- I won't.

- If you can help it.
- Bye.

Bye.

Thanks again, kids.

Uh, Miss Jackson?

- Miss Jackson?
- Look, zippers.

I would like to introduce myself.

Sure, be my guest.

I'm S. Winthrop Putnam,
of the Department of State.

Oh, I'm sorry.

How do you do?

I thought you'd be an old bird
with a beard down to here.

- My apologies if I've disappointed you.
- Oh, no, no.

- You'll do.
- Thank you.

Do you mind if I put the cake down?

I've had a sufficiency.

Did you bring the passport and ticket?
Boat leaves Friday, you know.

That's what I wanna speak to you about.

- I guess you go all the time, huh?
- Go?

Europe, I mean.

Do you know I've never been one place
you couldn't get to by subway?

And now I'm going
all the way to Paris, France.

Thanks to you.

Oh, I could kiss you for it.

- I think I will.
- Oh, no, no, no, Miss Jackson.

When you were speaking before,
you mentioned a mistake.

- So?
- Well, that's exactly what happened.

You see,
there was a letter to Ethel Jackson...

...about a work permit
so you could perform in a nightclub...

...in Montreal, I believe.

Oh, don't worry about that.
I'll cancel Montreal for Paris any time.

Nothing but Eskimos up there anyway.

And then there was a letter
to Miss Ethel Barrymore...

...asking her to represent
the United States...

...at the International Festival of Arts.

Oh.

Well, I am sorry. I hope you understand.

You mean it's all off?

That's correct.

I'm sorry I got the letters mixed up.

Sure.

Can you picture Ethel Barrymore
playing that flea trap in Montreal?

The State Department would appreciate it
if you wouldn't mention this to anyone.

We might be investigated
by the Justice Department...

...which would be a little bit embarrassing
because we're investigating them.

Wait till I tell the kids.

They knocked themselves out with
all these presents and everything and--

The nicest thing
that's ever happened to me.

Now I--

Oh, look, Miss Jackson,
I know exactly how you feel.

How could you know?

Well, when I was a child in Boston,
my father bought me a rifle.

It was a.22, I was 12 years old...

...that was the most beautiful thing
I'd ever seen.

We were going up to Maine, hunting,
and then I came down with the measles.

- Why didn't you shoot yourself?
- Miss Jackson--

It's your fault, you got the letters mixed up
and sent the wrong one.

If you hadn't,
I wouldn't have been so excited.

- Anything I can do?
- You can do something.

Go to Washington. Give this
to your girlfriend, I won't be needing it.

- But you must listen to my side--
- Please get out of here.

Go grow yourself a beard.

And next year,
I'm voting for Anthony Eden.

April in Paris

Chestnuts in blossom

Holiday tables

Under the trees

April in Paris

This is a feeling

No one can ever

Reprise

I never knew the charm of spring

Never met it face-to-face

I never knew my heart could sing

Never missed a warm embrace

Till April in Paris

Whom can I run to?

What have you done to

My heart?

- Good morning, Mr. Putnam.
- Good morning, Mr. Putnam.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Mr. Putnam.

Good morning, Mr. Putnam.

Mr. Sherman is waiting for you,
Mr. Putnam.

He's heard the good news.

- He has?
- Yes, go right in.

Lend-Lease.

I know what you're going to say, sir,
and I deserve it.

I want to compliment you, my boy,
it was a job well done.

Sir, I've been in the department
for 10 years...

...and this was
the most difficult diplomatic mission...

...since an explorer got lost
in the Pentagon.

Imagine appointing a chorus girl
to represent the American theater.

- I assume full responsibility.
- It was a stroke of genius.

It was?

Now, I don't know how the news services
got wind of this, but I'm glad they did.

Just look at these telegrams.

My boy, you have captured
the popular imagination.

Oh, no, sir.
I saw the young lady and I told her--

"A representative
from the rank and file."

She threw my hat at me
and her nightgown.

And Labor says, "This will mean a quarter
of a million votes at the next election."

A quarter of a million votes for our party.

And one vote for Anthony Eden.

Oh, Winthrop,
here are the passports for our group.

Joshua Stevens,
America's finest artist.

Sinclair Wilson,
our foremost man of letters.

Joseph Weimar,
one of our leading composers.

And "Miss Ethel S. Jackson."

How shall I describe her?

Just say, "What a built."

Is this top secret
or can anyone's daughter come in?

- Marcia.
- Hello, dear.

That's for nothing.

That's for something.

Congratulations, darling.

I heard of your latest achievement.
How did you think of it?

Oh, it just came to me
while I was mailing a letter.

I got through talking
to Senator Owen about you.

There's a vacancy
on the Labor Relations Board.

One of the labor members
is going back to work.

We won't settle for anything small.

We want the senate seat
from Massachusetts.

We do? Is it big enough for both of us?

Why, right now you're the white-haired boy
of Capitol Hill.

What you've done may be a steppingstone
on your way to the White House.

Oh, now really,
aren't we presuming a little too much?

I don't think I have the qualifications.

No, no, this is too far-fetched.

Never doubt the power of a woman
who wants to be first lady.

Goodbye, dear.

- Keep up the good work.
- I'll see you to your car.

Oh, no.
You have important things to do.

- Father will see me down.
- Come, dear.

Father, will you do something
about getting Winthrop a larger office?

Well, I could demote myself
and give him mine.

Well, perhaps.

For a wedding present.

- Yes, sir?
- Tracy?

Take a telegram
to Miss Ethel S. Jackson.

128 West 48th Street, New York.

Plans changed.

Be packed and be prepared
to be picked up.

Four p.m. tomorrow, en route to ship.

Signed, the president.

Who?

S. Winthrop Putnam, of course.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the president of the United States.

Mr. Chairman, Mr. Speaker.

Members of the Congress.

I have the honor to report

On the State of the Union

It's an honor and a privilege

It's a privilege and an honor

To appear this date

To reiterate

That the state of each state in the 48

Is, as I soon will indicate
In positively, absolutely

And I say this resolutely
So you'll get it straight

The state of each state is great

When I last met with the cabinet

We found that we didn't have a debt

The budget was balanced
And in the black

Did I say balanced?

I take that back

We were overbalanced

And you'll be glad to learn

We found some money

That we're going to return

- Bravo! Bravo!
- Encore!

So I reaffirm

On this my

Sixth term

That the state of each state in the 48

Is, as I soon will indicate
In positively, absolutely

And I say this resolutely
So you'll get it straight

The state of each state is great

Bluebirds serenade me

Life is such a pleasure

Don't think you can trade me
Treasure for this

Sunbeams dance around me

Life is such a pleasure

Seems like luck has found me

Measure my bliss

Down the street

I walk with a springy air
Singing a singy air gaily

I repeat

That life can be charmin' and more fun
Than Barnum & Bailey daily

Happy as a clown is

Life is such a pleasure

Don't know what a frown is

I'm on my way

Life is such a pleasure

Life will be Barnum & Bailey daily

Life is such a pleasure today

Monsieur Durand. Who would've
thought that a Frenchman...

...would have to borrow money
in America from another Frenchman?

No, really, you've saved my life.

Here are your accommodations.

- The Royal Suite on the main deck.
- Thank you very much, monsieur.

- I am here.
- Simone, my little pigeon.

- Philippe.
- Are you sailing too?

Remember our last boat trip?

That last night?

You remember this and this and this?

Shall we go on?

For the first minutes,
she's always like this.

You know the type.

I should. She's my wife.

Exactly.

- Here I am, gentlemen.
- Well, Professor Weimar.

You know Sinclair Wilson,
Joshua Stevens?

Very well.
They walked out on my last concert.

Well, gentlemen, our government is about
to launch another noble experiment.

Three of the finest minds in this country
traveling to Paris with a chorus girl.

Everything happens to me
20 years too late.

- Thirty.
- Well.

Father.

Bon voyage. Forgot your pills.
I knew you would.

I knew I would too.

Father...

...don't you think
I need an ocean voyage too?

Everyone seems to be going,
even chorus girls.

That's an awfully short leash
you have Winthrop on, my dear.

Don't let him know you're worried.

- Does it show?
- Like an old petticoat.

Let him go on alone.

Then when he's in Paris...

...let him start worrying
about you in Washington.

All right.
You're a pretty shrewd operator.

I take after my daughter.

- I wonder what's keeping him?
- Why, where is he?

He's picking up Miss Jackson
at her apartment.

Miss Jackson, unlock this door.

Didn't you receive my telegram?

Yes, I did. But Western Union
wouldn't send my answer.

Now, go away.

- How did you get in here?
- I have a friend in the FBI.

How about the Red Cross?

Miss Jackson,
I know I have treated you shabbily...

...but you owe it
to our government to cooperate.

- Cooperate?
- Yes.

That's a hot one.

Uncle Sam's been taking a hunk
out of my paycheck for 10 years...

...so now I owe him.

What'd you do with the 200 bucks
I gave you last year?

I assure you the 200 bucks
were well-spent.

Mailing letters to the wrong people.

- Just checking.
- Oh, why don't you leave me alone?

I have a duty to perform.

I suppose it doesn't mean anything that it
took me three years to set up this festival.

- Try that again to a violin.
- Miss Jackson, don't be facetious.

- Do you know what my title is?
- No.

Assistant secretary to the assistant
to the Under Secretary of State.

It's taken me 10 years to get this far.

If this falls through,
I'll be back where I started.

Assistant assistant secretary to the
assistant to the Under Secretary of State.

That's a federal case if I ever heard one.

Miss Jackson...

...have you ever been
to Paris in the spring?

Are you kidding?

Me and the prince always stop by
on our way to Monte Carlo.

It's something that no
beautiful young lady should miss.

Sidewalk cafés, champagne, singing.

- Who's singing?
- In Paris, everyone sings.

All the time.

Comes with the country.

Mademoiselle,
soon it'll be springtime in Paris.

Children will be dancing
in the Bois de Boulogne.

- Bologna?
- Boulogne.

Men with tiny carts will be
selling marron chaud.

Chestnuts.

And everywhere, young couples
will be in each other's arms, kissing.

Don't throw away
the trip just because you hate me.

But I don't hate you.

You're trying so hard,
I'm starting to root for you.

Well, then how about coming along
and getting your 200 bucks' worth?

Who knows, you might meet
a nice young man and break even.

You know something?

I might at that.

I'll help you pack your bags.

- Why, these bags are already packed.
- No sense wasting time, is there?

When I'm aflame as I am

I implore you, madame

Give me your lips

Don't whisper, "Please, give me time"

Keep your reasons, your rhyme

Give me your lips

Lady, somewhere a phantom island

Can be reached in phantom ships

We can reach it

If you give me hope you'll be mine

Give me all that's divine

Give me your lips

Give me your lips

Lady, somewhere a phantom island

Can be reached in phantom ships

We can reach it

If you give me hope you'll be mine

Give me all that's divine

Give me your lips

Philippe!

Very heavy tipper.

Philippe, you come into the kitchen
and cool off.

See you later, mademoiselle.

Monsieur Fouquet, you realize
what an example you are setting...

...for the other waiters?

Yes, but the question is,
can they follow it?

You should be grateful for this opportunity
I've given you...

...to work your way back to France.

Instead, you are causing me
nothing but trouble.

But I did not ask to be made a waiter.
If you'd let me talk to the captain...

...I could've explained that I would pay
for my passage, first class.

- As soon as we arrived in France.
- The captain has been sick.

He is seeing no one.

And besides, I am sure
that he would not be impressed...

...by the fact you are Philippe Fouquet.

I seem to be the only one who is.

If I have to complain once more about you,
when the captain gets up...

...he will ship you
right back to America...

...where you will
spend the rest of your life.

Oh, no, please. Not while I'm eating.

Yesterday, yesterday, you brought
a young lady breakfast in bed...

...and you remained in the cabin
until after lunch.

Tomorrow, I go back for the dishes.

Oh, Philippe, Philippe, Philippe,
you are so, so French.

Look, you go and take care
of your table.

I promise, I will not tell the captain.

Oh, monsieur le chef, I love you.

If only you could cook.

I'm sorry.

Lost my head.

Miss Jackson,
you are using your dessert spoon...

...instead of your bouillon spoon.

Try to remember:
A dessert spoon is a truncated ellipse.

A bouillon spoon, a section of a sphere.

I'll work on it nights.

Didn't think I'd make it, did you?

Gentlemen, what is it you ordered?

- The New England boiled dinner.
- With a poached egg.

Fortunately for you gentlemen,
I am a man of taste.

I have brought you instead
le coq au vin à la bourguignonne.

Delicately flavored chicken,
surrounded by naughty little mushrooms...

...swimming naked
in a pool of burgundy.

In Boston,
you couldn't serve that in public.

I should've kept you in Immigration
or given you enough grease to swim back.

Take it back.

One taste of that rich food
would probably kill me.

Better to die with this in your mouth than
to live with a New England boiled dinner.

Amen.

Mademoiselle ordered the caneton flambé.
I shall prepare it right before your eyes.

- Make it good. This is my first time.
- Mine too.

I will give it my personal touch.

Oh, what a wonderful way
to drown a duck.

Oh, you don't mind, do you?
After all, this is our last night, you know.

Which reminds me, Miss Jackson,
are you all packed?

Yeah, for all the fun I've had,
I could've stayed in the bag myself.

Well, if that's all taken care of,
then you won't be busy after dinner?

Oh, no. What'd you have in mind?

- Well, I think--
- I think Mr. Weimar and Mr. Stevens...

...should help you with your speech
for the festival.

How about frying up more brandy?

And after that,
Mr. Wilson will spend some time with you...

...conjugating French verbs.

The irregular ones
which are giving you so much difficulty.

- And then I thought we might get together.
- Oh, I'd love to.

On matters of protocol,
you'll find them quite interesting.

Gentlemen, I've heard enough.

For four days,
I've been serving this table.

And in that time, no one has said
one romantic word to this charming lady.

- Is that against regulations too?
- Waiter.

No, but what is wrong with her?

From what I can see above the tablecloth,
she's a very attractive young lady.

- Thank you, waiter.
- Of course, I can be wrong.

But I must be at least half right.

Waiter, why don't you get
our dessert or something?

Oh, monsieur.
Monsieur, your dessert is right here.

Look, tonight, there is a dance
in the main ballroom.

I've noticed the way
the young lady looks at you...

...when she picks up the wrong spoon.

Now, believe me, sir.

If you take her to the dance tonight,
you will thank me for the rest of your days.

I will?

This is outrageous.
I'm going to report you to the captain.

Oh, not so fast.

There are 24 complaints ahead of you.

Mr. Putnam, he is right about one thing.
I'd love to go to the dance tonight.

- Well--
- That is out of the question.

There is too much for you to do.

That is out of the question.
There is too much for you to do.

Miss Jackson,
I'm no longer a young man...

...and I don't dance very well.

You know, my feet are tired from long hours
of serving breakfast in bed.

But if you will do me the honor
to accompany me to the dance...

...I would be a young boy again.

That's the nicest invitation I've ever had.

If you plan to disgrace this delegation
by attending the dance with a waiter--

- In that case, perhaps I could take her.
- You'll do no such thing.

As for you, young lady,
finish your dinner.

Forget all this foolishness,
then retire to your cabin.

Well, that does it.

Look, I didn't ask to come on this trip,
I was invited.

As a matter of fact,
I was almost shanghaied.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm lowering the tone
of this pallbearers' convention...

...but I'm sick of taking orders.
I'm not gonna finish my dinner.

I'm not gonna go to my room either.
In fact, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Take my advice, gentlemen,
hang on to your life preservers.

- Miss Jackson.
- Sit down, Winthrop.

You eat this duck, you goose.

And I hope you like it well-done.

Waiter, waiter, waiter!

Do something here.

Wouldn't this help?

Oh, this is wonderful, Philippe.

- The whole trip should've been like this.
- It will be, just wait.

In a few minutes,
Mr. Putnam will get tired of playing chess.

He will come looking for you,
tap me on the shoulder--

- You see?
- Philippe.

- Peekaboo.
- Mademoiselle, I'm most embarrassed...

...but do you realize this man
you are with is a steward?

He's an angel.

- Fouquet has done it again.
- Now, if you allow us--

That is impossible.

We were very lenient with you, Philippe,
but you've gone too far.

I'm sorry, mademoiselle, you may remain,
but your gay companion may not.

Well, in that case, I don't stay either.

Come, ma chérie.
We'll take our business to another boat.

Philippe, I'm sorry you got dressed up
and everything.

And it was very sweet of you
to ask me tonight...

...but I better go back to my cabin.

Look, do you wish to live a life
of New England boiled dinners...

- ...and poached eggs?
- No.

Do you wish to spend the evenings
studying somebody's agenda?

No.

Do you wish instead, place yourself
completely in the hands of a Frenchman...

...with imagination, joie de vivre
and years and years of experience?

Lafayette, I am here.

Et voilà, Cinderella shall go to the ball,
even if it's through the back entrance.

Clear everything out of the way.
The dance is about to begin.

Philippe, Philippe, have you gone mad?

- Where have you been?
- There is work to do.

Yes, there is work to be done.

This charming young lady has been
on our boat four lovely moonlit nights...

...and nothing has happened.

- Nothing.
- Impossible.

And on a French boat.

Do you know what this little child
has been doing with her evenings?

Conjugating verbs.

The honor of France is at stake.

Shall we allow her
to return to America unconjugated?

No!

No, no, gentlemen, never.
Please, sit down. Sit down.

Even though they will not allow us
to the main salon...

...we'll have our dance here.

Well, well, well, my friends.
Are you mice or Frenchmen?

Frenchmen!

Messieurs, I am sorry to make you wait
for your carbonated soda...

...but the kitchen was awful crowded.

A toast to French cooking.

- My stomach will never be the same.
- There's never been such a night.

All the waiters are dancing in the kitchen,
even the chef joined them.

And your young lady, Miss Jackson,
she danced with all of them.

The true spirit of democracy.

And now, gentlemen, I must leave you.
I have the next dance.

Gentlemen, it was a noble experiment,
but it hasn't worked out.

We've been so inconsiderate
of Miss Jackson. She's young--

- Miss Jackson must be told at once--
- And beautiful--

That we are returning her
to the United States.

Sir, I'm not in complete accord...

...but if that is your desire,
please don't be harsh with her.

I shan't be harsh at all.

That is your job.

Very well, sir. I shall tell her.

But her reaction is apt to be violent.

Mr. Weimar, if I don't return...

...finish the game.

- Pardon.
- Oh, Monsieur Putnam.

The representative of that great country
for which we have such great respect--

- What is it again?
- The United States.

- The United States.
- Yes, the United States.

- Let's drink a toast to the United States.
- To the United States.

Oh, I'm sorry, I never drink.

The gentleman refuses to drink a toast
to his own country?

- Of which he's the official representative?
- Yes.

- This'll make big news in Moscow.
- Of course it will.

Give me that.
I wouldn't want the committee...

...investigating the committees
to investigate me.

That's better, that's better.

- To the United States.
- To the United States.

And not to France?

It's very important to toast to France.

To France.

Miss Jackson, I promise you in Paris,
every night, it will be the same thing.

I will unfreeze my money,
you will unfreeze me.

Oh, Philippe, don't stop me now.

- I'm ticking.
- Yeah!

Bravo!

For three nights straight
I've been forced to act sedate

And may I say I didn't like the role

Thanks to you, my friends
My pretense now ends

And you'll forgive me
If I kind of lose control

I don't care what I did last night

And the night before that
And the night before that too

I'm gonna ring the bell tonight
I'm gonna ring the bell tonight

That's what I'm gonna do

I'm aglow and I'm feeling
So happy New Year's Eve-y

Hang the captain and the crew

We're gonna pop the cork tonight
We're gonna pop the cork tonight

That's what I'm gonna do

And when the band
Takes five minutes' intermission

You'll be wishin'
The intermission's through

Here's to you, here's to me
And here's to a life that's merry

I've just gotta whoop-dee-doo

We're gonna rock the boat tonight
We're gonna rock the boat tonight

That's what we're gonna do

When there's a fiddler fiddlin' fancy

It makes me feel so doggone dance-y

But it could be the bubbly brew

What makes the saxophone so waily?

Just get yourself a ukulele

And you can wicky-wacky-woo

Here's to you and to me
And here's to a life that's merry

If they wanna, they can sue

We're gonna rock the boat tonight
We're gonna rock the boat tonight

That's what we're gonna do

I'm gonna ring the bell
I'm gonna pop the cork

And if the boat sinks
It serves them right

Cause I'm gonna "quote"

Rock

I'm gonna rock the boat tonight

To Ethiopia.

Ethiopia!

And Afghanistan.

Afghanistan!

And if you can think
of any more countries, you let me know.

Oh.

Uh-oh. The ball is now over.

Cinderella goes back to the ash heap.

I shall go quietly.

Well, you heard me.

As if I didn't know what you
and that brain trust have been planning.

Send me home on the first plane
and hope it runs out of gas.

Well, go on.

Tell me I'm a disgrace to my country.

Say something.

I only got one thing to say to you.

What's that?

What a built.

Well.

That doesn't sound like
S. Winthrop Putnam.

Oh, call me Sam.

Mr. Putnam,
you mustn't blame Miss Jackson.

The fault is mine. I made her come here.

I made her have a little champagne.

I made her dance.

The medal will come later.

Shall we dance?

I think you better go to your room
and have a poached egg.

Don't fight it, I'm masterful tonight.

I don't care what you did last night

And the night before that
And the night before that too

We're gonna ring the bell tonight
We're gonna ring the bell tonight

That's what we're gonna do

I didn't know they danced
in the State Department.

It all depends on
what kind of a state you're in.

You know something?
You turned out to be pretty human.

I'll show you exactly
how human I've become.

Is that he?
It was, oui

Voilà, now he's continental

We can do the same for you

We're gonna ring the bell tonight

We're gonna ring the bell tonight

That's what we're gonna--

Poof.

Mr. Putnam.

You don't have to apologize
for kissing me.

Even if you are engaged.

I understand.

You didn't mind?

Oh, no.

In that case...

...pardon me.

- Night, Sam.
- Night.

Wrong cabin.

Me too.

Pardon me.

- Good night, Sam.
- Good night.

It must be wonderful to go to Vassar...

...and have the State Department
for a father.

Not if you talk about it all the time.

My father was a janitor.

Equitable Building, 48th and Eighth Avenue.

I like janitors.

So do I. My father anyway.

If we didn't have them, the Pentagon
would be knee-deep in memorandums.

- Good night.
- Good night.

He wasn't an ordinary janitor, you know.

They gave him a watch. Gold-filled.

I'm sure it was.

- Well, good night, Sam.
- Good night.

- Night.
- Good night.

Are you gonna marry her?

- Her father's a very important man.
- Are you gonna marry him?

I'm not gonna marry either one of them
if I can help it.

But I don't know if I can help it.

Our engagement's been announced
in the Congressional Record.

Oh, well.

Well....

Good night.

Good night.

- You're in the wrong cabin again.
- No, this one's mine.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Wait a minute.

This one's yours.

I have a larger hot-water bottle.

Are you sure?

Listen.

There's a man aboard this ship
who can settle the whole thing.

- Who?
- Captain.

You mean because he marries people?

Then we can spend the night
in your cabin...

...or my cabin...

...or both.

Oh, that sounds fair. Let's do it.

Incidentally...

...I love you very much...

...Ethel.

Me too, Sam.

Oh.

First, the captain.

Do you, mademoiselle, take
this man for your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

And you, monsieur, do you take
this woman for your lawful wedded wife?

I do. Heh-heh.

Not you. You're the witness.

I do.

I now pronounce you man and wife
by the authority vested in me...

...as the captain of this ship.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.

- Congratulations. Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.

Thank you-- Oh.

- Well, I guess we better go--
- I guess we better go now--

Well, there's nothing else to do
around here.

Goodbye and thanks so much.

- Goodbye and-- Yes, goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Where are you going?
- I am the witness.

Oh, not anymore you aren't.

Thanks for everything, Philippe.

You better go have yourself
some black coffee now.

Thank you.

Oh, uh, thank you.

I know a place

A very special place

A place where we alone can go

No one sails to its shores

There's no shore at all

No house, no door at all

Still it's there

Bright and fair

The day you guess

The place and its address

That day our happiness will start

Is it far?

Is it near?

When we kiss, you'll see it clearly

It's the place

You hold in my heart

Oh, captain. I always thought
you were a stiff-necked idiot...

...but tonight, you've shown me
that you were a romantic stiff-necked idiot.

I salute you.

- François.
- Of course.

Come on, help me to open this up.

But what is a busboy
doing in a captain's cabin?

Stealing his liquor, what else?

It doesn't make sense.

A ship this size
with a combination captain and busboy?

Oh, sober up, Philippe.
I am not the captain.

Then why were you wearing his jacket?

Because when you and your friends
knock on the door, I have to improvise.

Stop all this talking.

They are running out of liquor
in the kitchen.

François, you have married
my American friends.

I am sorry.
Tomorrow, I will divorce them.

But they've gone back to their cabin.
We must stop them.

That is no way to repay them
for the Marshall Plan.

Then I must stop them.

They were not married,
that you were impersonating the captain.

Come to your senses, do you realize
what a serious crime it is on the high seas?

I will be put in irons.
You will be sent back to America.

Well, then what can we do?

Keep them apart,
so long they are on the ship.

Once they hit the shore,
you can tell them they are not married...

...because what happened here tonight,
the captain must never find out.

What must I never find out, gentlemen?

What are you doing in my cabin?

Just stealing your liquor, that's all.

I am sick in bed for a few days
and the whole ship goes crazy.

Dancing in the kitchen,
stealing my champagne.

Of course,
you realize you are both discharged.

Oh, thank you, sir.
Thank you very much and good night.

- Where are you going in a hurry?
- The kitchen.

- There is something on the stove.
- Sit down, Monsieur Fouquet.

You too.

I wish to have a long talk with you.

Couldn't you boil it down
for the Reader's Digest?

Sure.

Monsieur Fouquet.

Toothbrush.

Always read myself to sleep.

You take care of one cabin,
I'll take care of the other.

Oh, I hate myself already.

Bonjour, compliments of the chef,
your wedding breakfast.

Breakfast?
Why, it's the middle of the night.

In fact,
the night has scarcely even begun.

- Good.
- Philippe, you're drunk.

I assure you, mademoiselle, I could not do
what I'm about to do if I were sober.

Philippe.

I've heard of breakfast in bed,
but this is ridiculous.

Forgive me.

- I will take this to be cleaned immediately.
- No, no.

No.

- No.
- Excuse me.

It may be some time before I get back.

So talk to each other, huh?

What about?

Listen, I--

I have taken care of that cabin also.

We're giving this boat a bad name.

You'll like my folks.

Will I?

Father is a professor
at Massachusetts Institute of Tech--

--nology.

No wonder you're so smart.

Smart enough to marry you
before you could back out.

You know,
somehow I don't really feel married.

Neither do I.

I guess you don't really begin
to feel like it till about the second year.

Sooner than that.

Mrs. S. Winthrop Putnam.

Mrs. Sam Putnam.

Excuse me, darling.

Toothbrush.

I'm so sleepy.

Sam, what happened?
Are you all right?

Oh, now who's that?

Probably your drunken friend Philippe
with another breakfast.

I'm sure he thinks
this is an amusing shivaree.

Go away!

Why don't you grab an anchor
and jump overboard?

What was that, young man?

Just a minute.

It's Secretary Sherman.
What will we do?

You tell him we're married.
We can maybe use his cabin.

Shh.

- No, we can't do that.
- Why not?

I'll have to break it to him gently.
After all, I'm gonna marry his daughter--

Or am I?

You'd better go in there.

What a place to spend my honeymoon.

Well, young man.

I hope you're satisfied
with what you've done tonight.

No, I can't say that I am.

I don't mind a little high spirits...

...but that scene in the kitchen
was carrying things a little too far.

- Close that door.
- I'll do my best.

- Had a bad dream.
- Really?

Indians.

You don't seem to understand
the seriousness of this situation.

I've got something very important
that I want to talk to you about.

Winthrop, you must realize
that the American people--

--expect their officials
to be appointed from the people...

...but not to act like the people.

And carousing with chorus girls
in the kitchen is not the way...

...to win friends and influence voters.

In fact, if there is any further gossip
about you and Miss Jackson...

...I wouldn't blame my daughter
if she postponed her marriage to you.

She'd have a point there.

And you'd be jeopardizing
your career too.

I wouldn't have any choice
but to dismiss you.

Let me read you a few paragraphs...

...from the State Department's
manual of conduct.

Booby-trapped.

- I'm awfully sorry, sir.
- Never mind being sorry...

- ...get me out of here.
- It was an accident.

This whole thing has been a nightmare.

- I'll dust you off.
- I'm fed up.

Oh, no, this has been used before.

Never mind, never mind.
Just pay attention.

"Section B, Paragraph 32:

All employees of this department...

...must at all times maintain
the dignity and decorum...

...expected of employees
of the Department of State."

It is reiterated...

...that any breach of conduct
will reflect unfavorably...

- ...upon the government of the United States.
- Yes, sir.

Hey, what--?
Who turned on these sprinklers?

Sam!

Keep reading,
the evening's shot anyhow.

Hello, darling.
And don't say it's a small world.

Marcia.

Well, at least you remember my name.

- Hello, Father.
- Now, how did you get here?

Well, my allowance piled up and piled up,
so I took a plane.

I'm a big girl now.

Are we gonna get going or are we
gonna stand here and play post office?

- Oh. Is this our little chorus girl?
- Not yours, darling.

Marcia, ahem,
I'd like to have you meet Mrs., uh-- Miss--

Dynamite Jackson.

There they are.
Now that we're off the boat...

...I must tell Miss Jackson
they are not married.

You are becoming
a New England boiled Frenchman.

Besides, they're getting in their car.

- Don't they have to go through customs?
- They have diplomatic immunity.

Yes, but not from everything.

I'll tell her we're married
right after the festival.

What'll I do in the meantime,
sleep in bathtubs?

This meeting is important to me.
I don't wanna be dismissed until it's over.

Well, if Miss Vassar of 1922 makes
one more pass at you, I may slug her.

Hello, Sam.

- Everybody gets to kiss you but your wife.
- After all, this is France.

Whose idea was it to bring
that Jackson girl?

We're sending her back,
but Winthrop thought...

...she should make an appearance
at the first session as a democratic gesture.

His gestures seem to be getting
more democratic every day.

Temper, temper.

Have a little respect for the thousands
I spent to make you a lady, my dear.

Lady or no, if Miss Tenth-Avenue keeps
whispering to him, I may blow my cork.

It is my pleasure to present...

...the assistant
to the Under Secretary of the State...

...of the United States of America.

Isn't it marvelous, darling?

Gentlemen, ladies...

...delegates to the International
Festival of the Arts.

It is indeed a privilege
to address a gathering...

...whose sole purpose is the promotion
of peace, friendship and harmony.

Winthrop, you know
why I followed you to France?

- I think we should be married right away.
- Mm-hm.

Many of you have come from--

It's gonna be awful crowded
in that bathtub, Sam.

--understanding
among the people of the world.

Put on the earphones,
you can hear much better.

Sam.

Well, that's all right, dear.
I'm broad-minded.

And in this case,
I use the word advisedly.

Here we have complete
unanimity of thought.

That here there is nothing
but harmony, friendship and peace.

Before we go further, Mr. Putnam should
tell you what happened on that boat.

You should really listen.
This will make history.

- Gathering place we have--
- I can imagine.

They told me in New York
you did a specialty.

Look, I'm trying to be nice, darling,
so stop needling me.

I'd hate doing something
I might be ashamed of.

You mean in the daytime, of course.

That we are one big world.

- We're all one happy international family...
- One, two, three, four...

- ...whose watchwords are peace...
- ...five, six, seven.

...friendship...

...and harmony.

- Why, you....
- Please, please, Miss Sherman.

Don't do that, please. Be careful.

- No!
- Now listen, ladies--

Marcia!

- Marcia, stop that now!
- Miss Sherman.

Miss Jackson, don't you do that!
Winthrop, Winthrop, can't you stop this?

Mr. Wilson, do something about....

Get up, you. Stop it, now listen--

- She started it.
- Marcia, behave yourself.

- Here.
- Ooh.

Winthrop, can't you please--?

Ladies, you must realize
that this is the United Festival.

I trust this exhibition has proven to you...

...the necessity for returning
Miss Jackson to the United States.

- And the sooner the better.
- You think you're so smart, huh?

Darling has something to tell you,
haven't you?

Ethel-- I mean, Miss Jackson...

...it'll take weeks of hard work
to bring harmony to this meeting again.

I, uh, wouldn't want to do anything
to disturb it any further.

Not right now.

You must realize
how important this is to me.

Yes, I'm beginning to.

Will you please give me a little time
and then we can straighten out--?

- Ethel, wait--
- Let her go, Winthrop.

Miss Jackson?

Welcome to gay Paris.

So I'm not even married to that lug.

I would've told you sooner,
but I didn't dare until we were off the boat.

Does Sam know?

I left a message for him at the hotel.

Married by a busboy and divorced
by a waiter, now there's a career for you.

Oh, my little Camille, don't be so tragic.

Tragic? Me?

Why, I'm bubbling all over, I'm so happy
to get rid of that stuffed shirt.

In fact, I'm celebrating.

Waiter?

Hit me again.

Thanks.

Why don't we all go inside?

Because it's April in Paris.

When it's April in Paris,
everybody sits outside.

Does monsieur mind if I leave the bottle?

You'll be back?

In July.

I'll tell you this much:
Sam Putnam means nothing to me.

I came to Paris to have a good time
and, brother, I'm gonna have it.

Gesundheit.

Don't be sarcastic.

Philippe, sing something.

Sing? I don't feel like singing.

But in Paris, everybody feels like singing.
All the time.

What a horrible idea.

Oh, come on, Philippe,
be gay and carefree.

And Champs Élysées.

All right. I will try.

April in Paris

Chestnuts in blossoms

Holiday tables under the trees

April in Paris

This is a feeling

No one can ever reprise

I never knew the charm of spring

Never met it face-to-face

I never knew my heart could sing

Never missed a warm embrace

Till April in Paris

Whom can I run to?

What have you done to

My heart?

It's no use, Philippe.

I'm in love with the man I married
and he's not even my husband.

Even in Paris, that's an unusual situation.

But what am I gonna do?
I just can't crawl back to him.

It's a cinch
he's not gonna come crawling to me.

Look, you will not leave Paris
without him.

This I promise you.

With what I have here
and what you have there...

...we'll find a way.

Hello, darling.

Aren't you ready yet?

I think you'd all better go
to that nightclub without me.

I've got a headache.

But our three wise men say
it's the best show in Paris.

They've reserved a ringside table.

There's a new American performer
they say is wonderful.

What's the matter?

Oh, I don't want you
to catch my headache.

I wouldn't go if you feel like this.

Why don't you lie down
and I'll massage your temples.

- I could stand up and take an aspirin.
- But that wouldn't be the same thing.

- Let's go out. I think I feel better.
- Then there's no reason to go out.

I'll be dressed before you know it.

Yvette.

Jeannine.

Oh, Charlotte.

Ethel.

- I thought she went back to New York.
- They must've refused her.

You can keep the Empire State
It's very tall

But that is all

You can have your old New York
It's not for me

Give me Paris

My New York may have its faults

Just as you say

But your Paris has some too

Please step this way

From your hotel
The view is swell

But here's the rub
There is no tub

The plumbing's 1883

I know

But that's what makes Paris, Paris

The clothes are chic
The hats, unique

It's such a thrill
Then comes the bill

And you're undressed financially

That's what makes Paris, Paris

The peddler's cart

The Eiffel Tower

The flowers mart

The Eiffel Tower

Priceless art

The Eiffel Tower

The Eiffel, Eiffel

Awful, awful Eiffel Tower

You can't endure
Without l'amour

I like l'amour
But not toujours

I guess it's just heredity

It's what we call "c'est la vie"

Well.

That's what makes Paris, Paris

Yes, but New York is home to me

Garçon regrets

No crêpe suzettes?

The lady pales

He's serving snails

We'll both get heartburn, wait and see

That's what makes Paris, Paris

You try to grab
A taxicab

The light is red
He goes ahead

And knocks you down quite cheerfully

That's what makes Paris, Paris

The gay cafés

The Eiffel Tower

The mayonnaise

The Eiffel Tower

"La Marseillaise"

The Eiffel Tower

The, oh, so tiring

But inspiring Eiffel Tower

I've seen it all

The Beaux Arts Ball?

The Rue de la Paix?

Well, it's okay

Just twist my arm and I'll agree

Paris is getting to me

The priceless art

The peddler's cart

The clothes so chic

The pipes that leak

That's what makes Paris

That's what makes Paris

That's what makes Paris

Paris

Well, that was quite a show
for one person's benefit.

I wonder what's going on
between her and that Frenchman?

I've got to go back and find out.

Oh, no. Just coming back
to the hotel and forget all about her.

I can't forget all about her.

Every time I try to forget all about her,
I remember all about her.

Maybe it'd be easier
to forget all about you.

Winthrop.

Just remember, if you leave me
it's the end of your career.

Father and I will see to it
you're not elected dogcatcher.

That suits me fine.

- I caught one too many already.
- Oh.

You never loved me.

You wanted to marry me to get
to the White House so you could remodel.

- Winthrop.
- I'm going to tell Ethel I love her.

- Father, why didn't you say something?
- What was there left to say?

I thought he covered the subject
pretty thoroughly.

Oh.

But he's all yours.

I could hear him panting
from up on the stage.

- Do you think he'll come back here?
- On all fours.

Like a French poodle.

He's scratching at the door.

I don't wanna see him.

But he's come back.

Look, you love him, he loves you.
What else is left?

But he hasn't suffered enough, that's all.

Come in.

Ethel, I love you.

You see, he loves you.

- Shut up, you walleyed wife-stealer.
- Bravo. He's jealous too.

- Would you care to strike me? I'm a cad.
- I'll get to you later.

Ethel, I know you're not really my wife,
but I'd like you to be.

Mr. Putnam...

...I wouldn't dream of holding you
to a promise made in a rash moment.

- It might hurt your broken-down career.
- I don't want my broken-down career.

- Shall we go?
- Go? Where are we going?

Where we go every night, silly.

He's so embarrassed in front of men
whose intentions are honorable.

Tonight we shall paint the town rouge.

- Now, just a minute.
- We'll dance until dawn.

Laughing and singing and drinking
champagne by the kilometer, come on.

Oh, Mr. Putnam,
you can inform the State Department...

...that I'm getting
my 200 bucks' worth tonight.

But what do you want with me?
Sam has come back to you.

All you have to do is to reach up
and pluck him like a ripe peach.

He's not ripe enough.
I want him to suffer.

Ethel.

Ethel. Oof.

Suffer.

Hurry. Don't lose sight of that cab.
The girl I married is in there.

Fouquet has done it again.

- Night, chérie.
- Good night, Philippe.

And now you'll take the young lady
to her hotel, it's 94 Rue Fauberge.

- Oui, Monsieur Fouquet.
- Thank you.

Guess who.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.

Please go home. It is late.
The game is over.

The last half of the ninth.
He followed us.

- He saw you coming in?
- That's what I wanted.

Has there ever been
any insanity in your family?

- No.
- Well, there is now.

They will never believe this.

Me, Philippe Fouquet,
fighting for my honor.

Oh, Sam.

You home wrecker, you.

In America,
we'd hang you for what you've done.

Whatever I did, I did in self-defense.

- You gigolo.
- Sam.

You really care.

And you're going back
to the hotel with me.

Stand up so I can knock you down again.

Explain to him about us--
Oh, no, no.

I'll lie down here while she's explaining.

Philippe. Philippe, what's happened?

What is it?

- What have they done to you?
- Nothing.

Who are you?

Miss Jackson, my wife, Mrs. Fouquet.

Oh, married too.

In America we'd string you up for this
after we hung you for the other.

For what?

For trying to make a foolish little girl
go back to her man?

For trying to throw her out
of my apartment?

Almost every night,
another silly woman follows him home.

It's becoming monotonous.

But nobody told me that he had a wife.

To everyone, I am his housekeeper.

Now, it must not be known
all over France...

...that Philippe Fouquet is an old,
married man with five children.

- Five children.
- Oh, I am a very good housekeeper.

Look, if it were known,
it would be bad for my business.

- Well, how could he support this family?
- That's what I wanna know.

Philippe Fouquet must play
the gay dog, singing, dancing.

A different woman every night.

And then
I always come home to my wife.

Tired, but he comes home.

Gay Paris.

I'll never believe another story
about Paris as long as I live.

And I don't believe this.

You can fool S. Winthrop Putnam
with that act, but not Sam.

I'm a new kind of boy.

- Shh. You'll wake up the children.
- Children.

If he has children, I'll eat them all.

- On toast.
- Papa!

Papa!

- Papa!
- White or whole wheat?

Papa!

These are my good American friends,
Mademoiselle Jackson and Mr. Putnam...

...who don't believe that you exist,
by the way.

- Hello.
- Hello.

That is enough. Let's go to bed.

- Charles, Yvonne.
- She's right. I'll take you upstairs, huh?

You see, this is my career.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Well?

Well, all this proves is that you're
running around with a married man.

It proves nothing of the sort.

How did I know he was married?

It's a state secret.

Then you were running
around with a man who wasn't married.

- I didn't know he had five children.
- You wouldn't care if he had five wives.

Please, please, please go home.

Kiss each other, get married, do something
so we can all go to bed.

I married her once, that's enough.

Philippe, how do I convince
this poached egg that I love him?

- Love is for peasants.
- All right, so I'm a peasant.

Philippe, isn't love wonderful?

I ask you.

Love? Heh-heh.

It is marvelous, I tell you.

Ask anybody in Paris, he'll agree

Well, it's not for me

But it's so enjoyable

I hate it

So girl and boyable

Overrated

Love is a happy thing

Sheer stupidity

You're stupid

Stop being a fool and give me a kiss

She's right, you're a mule

You keep out of this

The fault is not hers, it's mine

That's fine, now can I go?

If I can follow

It's so deplorable
It's frightful

She's so adorable
He's spiteful

I only hope they can work it out alone

Philippe, Philippe?

Au revoir, my friends
I've got problems of my own

You're following me

Well, that isn't true

You're following me

Who's following who?

Let's call it a day

Okay, let's kiss and say goodbye

Goodbye forever

Please

Isn't love wonderful?

I ask you

Isn't love marvelous?

I ask you

I never knew my heart could sing

Never missed a warm embrace

Isn't it beautiful?

What a built.

Poof.