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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:20,436 --> 00:00:21,896 [playground noises] 4 00:00:21,979 --> 00:00:24,941 [Eddie] When I was ten, my family moved to America. 5 00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:28,694 Shortly thereafter, I learned a valuable lesson about love. 6 00:00:30,154 --> 00:00:31,155 Hey, new kid. 7 00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,741 You wanna play a card came called 52 pickup? 8 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:36,911 [cards falling] 9 00:00:36,994 --> 00:00:37,995 Pick it up, 10 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,205 dick for brains! 11 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:42,667 [tender music] [footsteps approaching] 12 00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:52,301 She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. 13 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,680 I fell instantly and madly in love. 14 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,932 ♪ Take a look ♪ 15 00:00:58,599 --> 00:01:01,644 ♪ At me ♪ 16 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,148 Then she broke my heart. 17 00:01:07,149 --> 00:01:09,610 I vowed never to let love hurt me again. 18 00:01:10,611 --> 00:01:11,612 Today 19 00:01:11,779 --> 00:01:13,364 I'm a master of love. 20 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,324 Your book '52 Pickup' 21 00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:18,578 is basically a how-to guide for men to pick up women, 22 00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,454 -is it not? -It is, yeah. 23 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,125 And you claim that your book 24 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,794 will help men pick up a different woman 25 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,880 every week, for a year? 26 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,174 Yeah, it's really that simple. 27 00:01:31,215 --> 00:01:32,925 All they have to do is follow 28 00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:34,552 my three simple rules of engagement. 29 00:01:34,635 --> 00:01:36,220 That is, trigger her interest 30 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,346 play indifferent 31 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,682 and then go for the kill. 32 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,603 Are you aware how degrading that is to women? 33 00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,521 I mean, some could say it reduces us 34 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:48,691 to mere objects who could be easily tricked into bed? 35 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,611 I mean, how would you respond to such allegations? 36 00:01:51,652 --> 00:01:52,778 How do I respond? 37 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,615 [fast-paced music] 38 00:01:55,656 --> 00:01:57,241 Guilty as charged. 39 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,576 [moaning] [music continues] 40 00:01:58,784 --> 00:02:00,411 ♪ Bang, bang, bang ♪ 41 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,956 ♪ It goes all night long ♪ [moaning] 42 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,336 ♪ Clang, clang, clang ♪ [moaning continues] 43 00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,297 ♪ Do that siren song ♪ 44 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:13,007 [grunts] [moaning] 45 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:15,551 ♪ Are you feeling nervous? ♪ 46 00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:19,305 ♪ She doesn't feel that way ♪ [grunting] 47 00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,973 [electronic beeping] 48 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,142 [bang] [upbeat music] 49 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,310 [sighs] 50 00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:28,064 [music slows] [sighs] 51 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,322 Oh, what the hell is that? 52 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,784 What is this stuff! 53 00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:42,328 [muttering] 54 00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:46,040 [music continues] 55 00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:50,711 [music continues] [lawnmower whirring] 56 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,139 -Hey, what's up, Ruben? -Hey, what's... whoa. 57 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,517 -Take it easy, brother. -Sorry, dude, we just met here. 58 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,560 All right. 59 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,311 Don't get chopped off. You're early, aren't you? 60 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,437 You got it, bro. 61 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,524 [upbeat music] [traffic sounds] 62 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,240 Thank you. How's it going? Good? 63 00:03:19,323 --> 00:03:21,284 [paper rustling] [music continues] 64 00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:22,326 Very well. 65 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,828 There you go. Good luck. 66 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:24,996 Good. 67 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,247 And enjoy it. 68 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,665 [woman] Next in line. 69 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,878 [music continues] 70 00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:34,046 So good to meet you. 71 00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,464 Well, thank you for coming. 72 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,633 Dude, you've changed my life. 73 00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,218 That's the whole point. 74 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,470 I used to live in my parents' basement 75 00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:42,972 and only thing I'd score 76 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,390 was my Xbox. 77 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,309 But now... 78 00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:48,352 I'm scoring with ladies. 79 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,647 That's great. Go get them. 80 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,774 [both laugh] 81 00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:54,817 [woman] Next. 82 00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:56,777 Holy shit. 83 00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:58,696 -Hi. -Hi. 84 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,489 I can't believe it's really you. 85 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:01,574 It's really me. 86 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,326 I owe you so much. 87 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,287 Your book, has helped me overcome this. 88 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:08,706 Tiny penis? 89 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:09,749 What? 90 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:10,917 No! 91 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,003 I'm talking about my lack of style. 92 00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:16,339 That's... I meant your tiny lack of style. 93 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,882 -Yes. -I don't know why I said penis. 94 00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:19,967 That's exactly, I don't know why I said penis. 95 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,636 -You're an asshole. -I'm sorry. 96 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,388 I'm... I'm sure you're packing. I didn't... 97 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,765 Baby's arm holding an apple. 98 00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:26,807 Yeah. 99 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,394 -What are you doing? -I don't know. It just came out. 100 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:33,022 Hi. 101 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,399 [music continues] [traffic sounds] 102 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,443 What a collection of losers today, huh? 103 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,903 -Worse than usual. -Yeah. 104 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,655 OK. Those 'losers' 105 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,114 are the reason you live in a million dollar house 106 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,783 and wear custom-made suits. 107 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,868 Hey, it's OK, I still love them, though. 108 00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:47,495 Hence the term, 'lovable loser'. 109 00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:49,080 Yeah. And hey, hey, you know what? 110 00:04:49,121 --> 00:04:51,165 You should show the man a little more respect here. 111 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,709 OK? He's making your company a lot of green and you know what? 112 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,212 We haven't signed the contract for that third book yet. So... 113 00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:57,296 -Don't touch me... -OK. 114 00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:58,339 It's OK, Steve. 115 00:04:58,422 --> 00:05:00,299 Polly here has a right to her opinion. 116 00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,425 OK, it's Molly. 117 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,303 But Steve is right. 118 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,430 I was out of line. It won't happen again. 119 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:07,515 It's all good, babe. 120 00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:08,599 It's all good, Molly. 121 00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:11,686 We sold over a hundred copies. 122 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,020 That's great, Nana. 123 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:16,107 Yeah, those losers really eat this shit up. Ha! 124 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:17,859 What? [both laugh] 125 00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,027 Here. I wrote my number in it. 126 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:23,197 You want to get with a real woman, give me a call. 127 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,282 [growls] 128 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,034 [men laugh] 129 00:05:27,159 --> 00:05:28,160 What the... 130 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,538 Don't even think about it. 131 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,458 [music fades] 132 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,878 Hey, hey, listen. I almost forgot. 133 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,337 They asked me if you want to participate 134 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,131 in this charity fashion show. 135 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,174 -Really? -Yeah. 136 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,467 -How much would it pay? -Nada. It's for charity. 137 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,219 But all the models are gonna be celebs. 138 00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:46,762 -Oh, interesting. -Yeah. Yeah. 139 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,222 It's gonna be some big names there. 140 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,307 You know what? 141 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,017 Might allow me to broaden my fishing pond. 142 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,185 [both laugh] 143 00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,061 And you've got quite the pole, huh? 144 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,480 -Dude. -I know. 145 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:57,899 -That was... -I know. 146 00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:58,941 -Yeah. -Yeah. 147 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,067 -We won't-- -Don't worry. 148 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,028 I regretted the second it came out of my mouth. 149 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,071 Oh. [car engine roars] 150 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,406 Hey! Wait a minute. 151 00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:08,326 Hey, don't forget about this release party tonight! 152 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,744 -Huh? -I said don't forget... 153 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:10,369 [car engine roars] 154 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,996 You're an asshole. [Eddie laughs] 155 00:06:12,079 --> 00:06:13,080 Asshole! 156 00:06:13,497 --> 00:06:14,498 You hear that? 157 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,126 -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, get out of here. 158 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,794 Fancy car piece of shit. 159 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:22,048 [upbeat music] 160 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,895 Take care of it, buddy. 161 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:39,023 [music continues] 162 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,209 -Edison Greenleaf. -Jesus. 163 00:06:58,876 --> 00:06:59,877 Whoa. 164 00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:01,128 What? 165 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:02,922 Hello. 166 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,090 Hello. 167 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,717 Do I know-- How do you know my name? 168 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,427 Does it really matter? 169 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:13,224 Of... I'm a fool. Of course, from the jackets of my book. OK. 170 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,768 -You want an autograph? -Look, Eddie... 171 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,021 I'm here to ask you something. 172 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,483 Yeah... you see, I don't really carry cash. 173 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,402 I don't want your money. 174 00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,778 Then what do you want? 175 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,739 You don't really respect women, do you? 176 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,950 I'm sorry, what? [laughs] 177 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,536 I-- did Steve Burns put you up to this? Where is he? 178 00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,329 Women are nothing but notches... 179 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,957 -on your bedpost! -Yeah, my bedpost. 180 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,002 In fact, I don't even have bedposts on my bed, so... 181 00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,297 That's a metaphor, Eddie. 182 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,132 A metaphor... 183 00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,092 Oh, I get... 184 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,802 I'm being punked, aren't I? 185 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:50,845 This is brilliant! 186 00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:53,472 Where? Where are they? All right, you can come out now. Where's the film crew? 187 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,766 There's no film crew, Eddie! 188 00:07:56,809 --> 00:08:00,271 All right. You know, I'm tired of this. No more games, OK? 189 00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,273 Then give me what I'm here for. 190 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,025 And what are you here for? 191 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,359 Kiss me. 192 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,069 Jeez, I don't think that's gonna happen. 193 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,364 Prove to me that you can see the beauty in all women. 194 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,033 The beauty beneath the surface. 195 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:13,910 -Kiss me! -All right. 196 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,953 No offense, you crazy old bat, but 197 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,997 I'd rather my dick dropped off, all right? 198 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,000 -What a-- -Suit yourself. 199 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,836 [mysterious sound] 200 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,964 [contemporary music] 201 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,313 Yeah, so, ah, Molly, listen. 202 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,898 -I, uhh-- -Too close. 203 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,941 OK. 204 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,652 You're doing that thing kids do when they like each other-- 205 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:48,694 No. 206 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,029 Well, OK, then. 207 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,197 How about we talk business. 208 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,324 Maybe a few strawberry daiquiris, discuss that third contract. 209 00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,325 What do you say? 210 00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:55,409 [groans] Oh, god. 211 00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:59,080 [music continues] 212 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,960 And then, two of my eight cats, they got in this really big fight. 213 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,378 -All right. -It was just horrible. 214 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,338 I ended up having to take Mr. Muggles to the vet 215 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,465 and then we had to put him down. Sorry, I can't talk. 216 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,967 All right, I'm really happy for you. 217 00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:14,095 [music continues] 218 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:18,975 I thought super-models were required to be anorexic, but 219 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,269 you look just so goddamn healthy. 220 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:22,937 Wait. 221 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,730 Are you saying that I look fat? 222 00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,440 No, no, that's not what I'm saying. 223 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,276 I'm saying you look really healthy. 224 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,944 Oh my god. 225 00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,864 I shouldn't have eaten this puffy cheese thing. 226 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,199 Don't be so hard on yourself, you know. You're only human. 227 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,492 Humans are flawed. 228 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,370 Wait, are you saying I have flaws? 229 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,746 No, I'm saying that 230 00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,290 I think you're gorgeous. 231 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,750 Just don't worry about what anybody else thinks about you. 232 00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,961 Wait. You say people are talking about me? 233 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,505 Well, you know what these bitches are like. 234 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,591 [music continues] 235 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:59,098 We should think about, getting out of here soon. 236 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,683 It's getting a little, umm... 237 00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,351 a little toxic, I think. 238 00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,644 Tell me about it. 239 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,062 -Uhh. -Umm. 240 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,272 Uhh? 241 00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,356 Hey, umm... 242 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,400 would you like to come back to my place? 243 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,110 It's like five minutes away. 244 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,404 Really, uhh... 245 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:14,822 Oh... 246 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:16,782 Early start in the morning, uhh... 247 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,284 Oh, please? 248 00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,203 Well... 249 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,580 I promise to make it worth your while. 250 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,874 [fast-paced music] 251 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,626 Well, if you insist. 252 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,127 [chuckling] 253 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,546 Let's get out of here quick. 254 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,633 [fast-paced music] 255 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,301 [loud moans] 256 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,598 No. On the bed. 257 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,038 [music continues] 258 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,861 [gasps] What the fuck? 259 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:38,197 [mysterious music] 260 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,240 [gasps] 261 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,367 Oh my god. 262 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:42,577 Can't be. 263 00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:47,206 [mysterious music] 264 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,583 I must be dreaming. 265 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,171 [groans] 266 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,467 [gasps] 267 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,430 [rustling] 268 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:06,100 [door creaking] 269 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,898 Where are you going? 270 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,775 [light switch clicks] [gasps] 271 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:16,819 [door closes] 272 00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:20,531 [cellphone buzzing] 273 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,617 Come on, come on. 274 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,952 [cellphone buzzing] 275 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,748 [grunts] 276 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,752 [sighs] 277 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,046 Hello? 278 00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,380 Steve! 279 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,216 You need to get to my place right away. 280 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,509 Who is this? 281 00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,552 It's Eddie, dumb-ass. 282 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,930 Really? Who is this? 283 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,264 Umm... 284 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,683 you just need to get to Eddie's place as soon as you can. 285 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,768 Why? 286 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,353 Uhh... 287 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,272 because he wants you to join us in a threesome. 288 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,982 Really? [grunts] 289 00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,735 He's never asked me that before. 290 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,320 Are you in or what? 291 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:01,364 I'm in! I'm in! I'm in! 292 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,490 I'm in. 293 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,116 [sighs] 294 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,285 [sighs] 295 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,580 [fast-paced music] 296 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,643 [music fades] 297 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,407 [knocks on door] 298 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,449 About time. 299 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,993 [knocking on door] 300 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:49,871 [knocking on door] 301 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:51,622 [door opens] 302 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,665 What? 303 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:53,875 [laughs] 304 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,835 Wow. [door closes] 305 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,086 Huh, look at you. 306 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,504 Well. 307 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,840 Your stud service has arrived. 308 00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:02,466 Huh? 309 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,593 I studied Goju Kai karate. 310 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:04,635 Ha! 311 00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:05,720 Kai, 312 00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,054 by the way. 313 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,973 Yeah. Uhh... 314 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,474 So, where is he? 315 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,642 Where's Eddie? 316 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,186 Funny thing about that. 317 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:14,979 Eddie? 318 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,647 You back here? 319 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:18,649 So where's he? 320 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,026 It's me, Steve. Eddie. 321 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,153 [laughs] OK. 322 00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:23,487 Yeah? 323 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,614 Eddie? 324 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,656 You back here? 325 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,326 Uhh, he's standing right in front of you. 326 00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:29,952 OK. I get it. 327 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,204 You're hot. 328 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,539 I don't know what's going on here, but 329 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,541 but if you don't tell me where Eddie is 330 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:36,876 I'm gonna have to call the cops. 331 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,377 OK, listen to me, Steve. 332 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,421 I really don't know what happened. 333 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,965 Last night I fell asleep and when I woke up 334 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,300 I was this. 335 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,344 Have it your way. 336 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:49,514 Beth McDonald. 337 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,851 What was that? 338 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,478 Your crush in middle school. 339 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,688 Beth McDonald, the one that got away. 340 00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,857 OK. Eddie's the only one who knows that. 341 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:00,942 See? 342 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:03,236 All that proves is that he told you about her. 343 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,279 OK, how about Jessica Levine? 344 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,074 You lost your virginity to her in tenth grade 345 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,867 and cried like a little baby. 346 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,953 That's cause she bit my dick! 347 00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:15,748 Wait. OK, what's go-- Did... did... 348 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,875 Did he tell you my whole life story? 349 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,544 Steve. It's me. 350 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:22,338 Eddie. Stuck inside a chick's body. 351 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,381 [sighs] 352 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,590 Come on. 353 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,008 [sighs] 354 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,052 OK. 355 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,179 Fine. If you're Eddie, tell me this 356 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,306 Two years ago, we took a trip to Vegas. 357 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,600 We got really drunk with some strippers 358 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,978 and they dared us to do something really disgusting. 359 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,354 The next day we swore... 360 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:41,357 we swore we would never talk about it again. 361 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,526 -Really? -Yeah. 362 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:44,861 Really, Steve? 363 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,405 You're gonna make me say this out loud? 364 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,489 Hey. 365 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,699 If you're Eddie... 366 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,993 well, you'd know all about it. 367 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:53,953 [sighs] 368 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,497 OK, we gave each other hand jobs. 369 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,082 Uhh... 370 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,625 excuse me, what was that? 371 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,838 We gave each other hand jobs. 372 00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,006 Are you happy? 373 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,048 What? 374 00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,258 Eddie? 375 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,802 I just puked in my mouth. 376 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,721 Wait a minute. 377 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:12,930 Wait a minute. Eddie. 378 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,891 This is impossible. I mean, how... 379 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,350 [muttering] 380 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,560 How did this happen? 381 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,228 I don't know. 382 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,689 Like I said, I fell asleep at Alexa's last night 383 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,107 after banging her up and down 384 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,400 and when I woke up 385 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,735 I was a chick. 386 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,533 Well... 387 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,410 at least you're hot. 388 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:35,828 Shut the fuck up. 389 00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,455 Wait. 390 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,790 -You think I'm hot? -Oh yeah, I do. 391 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,043 So you would have sex with me, knowing it's me, 392 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,085 Eddie, 393 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,253 inside this body? 394 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,756 Hey, after Vegas, what have I got to lose? 395 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,050 -Good point. -Right? 396 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,260 So, if you don't mind, can I... 397 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,387 -See the whole package, maybe? -What? 398 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,889 You know, minus the clothes. 399 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,807 Dude, I am not taking my clothes off for you. 400 00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,184 OK, fine. Be that way. 401 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,352 I have to say 402 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,145 my breasts are really perky. 403 00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:04,315 [dream music] 404 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,361 Steve! 405 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,656 [music continues] 406 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,283 Steve! 407 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,410 [slap] [screams] 408 00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:17,578 I'm a First Dan. 409 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,205 [slap] OK. 410 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,624 I said, we need to figure out what happened to me. 411 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,667 OK. 412 00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,669 Jesus. 413 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:30,967 OK. 414 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,343 Let's figure this out. 415 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,887 Let's think about the last 24 hours, yeah? 416 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,931 -You had the book signing. -Yeah. 417 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,933 You had the release party. 418 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,518 You had sex with a super-model. 419 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,561 Nothing unusual. 420 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,645 OK, then. 421 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:43,896 -Wait. -What? 422 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,773 The homeless woman. 423 00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,191 You had sex with a homeless woman? 424 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,526 No, dumb-ass. 425 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,237 I was outside the building before the party. 426 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,030 And this homeless woman came up to me. 427 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,574 She knew my name, said... 428 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,158 said, I don't respect women, 429 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,786 didn't see their inner beauty, some shit like that. 430 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,913 Then, she asked me to kiss her. 431 00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,164 Wow, how was that? 432 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,626 That's the thing. I mean, I blew her off. 433 00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,295 She was fucking hideous. 434 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,632 I would've fucked her. 435 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:14,510 Twice. 436 00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,555 She must have put a spell on me. 437 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,223 That's the only thing that makes sense. 438 00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,308 OK. 439 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:21,475 OK. So... 440 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,020 we are looking for a homeless woman 441 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,688 with magical powers. 442 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,274 I mean... I don't know. I guess so. 443 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,817 Maybe she was a witch. 444 00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,694 -A witch? -Did she have a broom? 445 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,154 -No. -OK. 446 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,572 But... 447 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,908 she did have a really big walking stick. 448 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:37,992 Her magic wand! 449 00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,161 Kind of magic wand, yeah. 450 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,245 Right. Well... 451 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,290 with all these magical powers, why was she still so ugly? 452 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,833 -What? -I mean, the first thing you do 453 00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,084 is make yourself hot, right? 454 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,586 What's that got to do with anything? 455 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,087 Ah. Wait a minute. No! 456 00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,297 Because if she was hot 457 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,090 it would have been easy for you to kiss her. 458 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,383 My god, this lady is slick. 459 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,677 Gotta tell you, if she was here, I'd give her some props. 460 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:57,762 You're an idi-- 461 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,890 -That's it. -What? 462 00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:02,767 We have to find her. 463 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,435 I mean, if she turned me into a chick 464 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,229 then she can turn me back again. 465 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,438 Wait a minute. Listen to me. 466 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,233 You know how hard it's gonna be to find a homeless woman in this city? 467 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,068 Like trying to find a virgin in a whorehouse. 468 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,402 OK, listen to me, Steve. 469 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:14,570 We either find her 470 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:17,073 or I'm stuck as a chick for I don't know how long. 471 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,157 Maybe forever. 472 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,409 Doesn't worry me, because you're kind of hot. 473 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,494 Dude! 474 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,620 Me and you 475 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:23,913 not gonna happen. 476 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,915 [upbeat music] 477 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,000 Not until I slip you a few mickeys. 478 00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:30,670 I still say, if she had magic powers 479 00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:32,171 she'd use them not to be homeless. 480 00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,383 Or, maybe searching for her in homeless shelters is part of the test. 481 00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,051 Yeah, but not the fun part. 482 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:40,179 [music continues] 483 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:46,811 Can I help you? 484 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,105 Yeah, hi, we're trying to find a homeless woman. 485 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,773 This is a homeless shelter. 486 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,024 We have about 40 of them. 487 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,234 She's really old. 488 00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:54,861 There's about 30 of them. 489 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,070 She's really ugly. 490 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,073 Look, this is really important. 491 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:00,950 You see... 492 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,536 I think she took something of mine. 493 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,580 So let me get this straight. 494 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,207 Some poor old homeless woman 495 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,459 who's probably struggling to survive 496 00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:12,003 took something from you. 497 00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:14,255 -Yeah. -Yeah. 498 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,132 So what do you want me to do? 499 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,676 I make our clients line up so you can pick her out? 500 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,219 Oh my god, that would be so great. 501 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,304 -Yeah. -Thank you. 502 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:22,722 [shelter worker laughs] 503 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,183 Have you ever heard of sarcasm, skippy? 504 00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,729 That shit ain't happening. 505 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,647 Well, can we at least have a look around? 506 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,608 No, you can't be looking around in here. 507 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,318 OK, what do you expect us to do? 508 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,861 What I expect you to do 509 00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,696 is to take your skinny 510 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,948 sorry asses and get up outta here before I-- 511 00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,033 Tonya... 512 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,993 what's going on here? 513 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:48,998 These two claim that a homeless woman stole from them. 514 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,417 And they want us to line up our clients 515 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,461 like a bunch of criminals so they can pick her out. 516 00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,338 Well, that's not exactly true. 517 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,548 Hi, I'm Jess White. 518 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,674 I'm the manager. 519 00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,759 Hi, I'm Ed... 520 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,802 ...na Greenleaf. 521 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,680 So why don't you tell me what's going on here? 522 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,642 OK, the other night, I ran into this homeless woman on the street. 523 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,060 She was really ugly. 524 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,811 Anyway, 525 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,022 I think she might have taken something of mine. 526 00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:14,065 I see. 527 00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:15,316 Yep. 528 00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,528 And, what would that be? If you don't mind my asking. 529 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,241 -It was, uhh... -Her identity. 530 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,285 She took your identity? 531 00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,497 Oh, it's... kind of hard to explain. 532 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,041 You... you mean your ID? 533 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,459 That's right. Her ID. 534 00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:36,504 Oh, well, I guess I can see why you'd want that back. 535 00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:38,130 -Yeah, I know, right? -So, umm... 536 00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:39,465 can you describe her for me? 537 00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:42,176 Yeah, umm, she's about 80 years old, with this 538 00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,346 wild, grey hair, and this really big crooked nose. 539 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,722 Tell her about the walking stick. 540 00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:48,891 Oh yeah, she had this massive wooden walking stick. 541 00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,184 Yeah, like a magic wand. 542 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,187 -Like a magic wand? -Uhuh. 543 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,106 What a plain Jane, huh? 544 00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:56,899 Yeah, I know. You should have asked her out. 545 00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:58,359 What? She was a five at best. 546 00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,111 Yeah, but together you'd make a ten. 547 00:22:00,194 --> 00:22:01,279 You're an asshole. 548 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,156 Five shelters and no sign of her. 549 00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,908 Buddy, I've got to tell you I'm starvin marvin, 550 00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,118 you know what I'm saying? 551 00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,078 This may be harder than I thought. 552 00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:12,248 [sighs] [door closes] 553 00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:13,291 Look, uhh... 554 00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:16,252 maybe we should eat something. Maybe get a little Thai food? 555 00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:17,295 -Maybe, just a-- -What? 556 00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,297 Some Thai food. Man, I'm starving, come on. 557 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,339 Sure. Whatever. 558 00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:23,134 OK. 559 00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:24,969 OK. 560 00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,139 Look. Listen to me. 561 00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:30,433 We will find this homeless woman. 562 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,601 This witch. 563 00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:33,769 Whatever it is you think she is, we will find her. 564 00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:35,605 Yeah, but what do I do until then? 565 00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:36,939 I'm a chick, Steve. 566 00:22:39,192 --> 00:22:40,193 [sighs] 567 00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:43,154 Well, you know what? 568 00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:45,406 -Embrace it. -Embrace it? 569 00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:46,574 Yes, Eddie. 570 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:47,950 Embrace it. 571 00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:50,703 I mean, come on, Eddie, think about it. 572 00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:53,956 A chance for you to see what it's like on the other side. 573 00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,334 Right? Embrace that! 574 00:22:58,252 --> 00:22:59,253 And, hey... 575 00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:03,674 it may be a good time to do a little research for your third book. 576 00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:06,511 Yeah. 577 00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:07,720 -Hmm. -There you go. 578 00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:08,888 Yeah. 579 00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:10,556 I'm starving. Going to eat. 580 00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:13,643 [fast-paced music] 581 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,156 Good morning. How can I help you? 582 00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:28,366 Hey, guys. Ma'am. 583 00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,700 Umm, look. 584 00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:31,827 We're here to get my sister here some chick clothes. 585 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,539 He, she needs a little of everything. 586 00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:37,416 Fabulous. You've come right place. 587 00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:38,793 What is size? 588 00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,086 Uhh, 32 regular. 589 00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:42,547 Ha, just kidding. 590 00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:43,714 Umm... 591 00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:44,799 I'm a size... 592 00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:46,926 -Two? -Yeah, sure, two. 593 00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:48,010 Great. 594 00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:49,053 OK. 595 00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:52,181 [music continues] 596 00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:56,102 So, uhh... 597 00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:58,646 you guys are from Russia, right? 598 00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,314 Da, Moscow. 599 00:24:00,481 --> 00:24:02,358 [laughs] Da . Cool. 600 00:24:03,234 --> 00:24:04,235 In winter 601 00:24:04,318 --> 00:24:05,736 is so cold 602 00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,572 we pray, global warming. 603 00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:08,656 [laughs] 604 00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:09,907 Hell, no. 605 00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,409 Oh, something wrong? 606 00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,203 Yeah, this is messed up. 607 00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,454 Wrong size? 608 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,081 You tell me. 609 00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:19,125 [sighs] 610 00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:21,252 Holy shit. 611 00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:22,962 Looks a good fit. 612 00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:27,091 So it's supposed to feel like someone's cutting you in half with a rusty butter knife? 613 00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,217 Da, pretty much. 614 00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,761 I mean, I have to admit... 615 00:24:31,637 --> 00:24:33,848 I do like how this displays the goods. 616 00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,933 Perky, like pair of chipmunks. 617 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,602 [nervous laugh] 618 00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:39,562 Steve, what do you think? 619 00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:40,897 Marry me. 620 00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,356 Oh, shut the fuck up. 621 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,816 No, I'm serious. Marry me. 622 00:24:43,858 --> 00:24:45,735 Because you and I, we make a great couple. 623 00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:47,445 What happens when I go through the change? 624 00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,280 I'm not giving you any more hand jobs. 625 00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:52,783 [sputtering] She's really not my sister. 626 00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,285 Americans. 627 00:24:54,368 --> 00:24:57,496 No, no, no, she's actually a little more like my brother. 628 00:24:57,580 --> 00:24:58,581 I'm sorry, Eddie. 629 00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:01,584 But, you mind turning around and give me a little bit of that rusty butter? 630 00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:03,586 You're an idiot. [music continues] 631 00:25:04,295 --> 00:25:05,296 OK. 632 00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:08,633 [fast-paced music] 633 00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,182 ♪ Oh my, oh my ♪ 634 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,320 ♪ You really got my attention ♪ 635 00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:34,450 ♪ You made me stop What I was doing ♪ 636 00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:39,580 ♪ You made me Look in your direction ♪ 637 00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:40,665 ♪ Yeah ♪ 638 00:25:41,082 --> 00:25:42,083 [music fades] 639 00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,293 Hey, Eddy. 640 00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:45,795 How're you doing, man? 641 00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:47,547 -Yeah, good to see you. -Nice to see you. 642 00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:50,007 Eddy, Ed... Edna. Edna, Eddy. 643 00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:52,468 Edna, my pleasure. Ooh, firm handshake. 644 00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:55,054 Buddy, she needs the works. What do you think? 645 00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:56,722 I mean, give her the works and put your-- 646 00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:58,724 We don't need to do much. We'll just do her hair. 647 00:25:58,766 --> 00:25:59,767 Right, right. 648 00:25:59,851 --> 00:26:02,061 I got an amazing hair stylist, my wife. 649 00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:03,145 -Your wife? -Your wife? 650 00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:06,399 She's the best. Yeah, she's amazing. You will be more than happy. 651 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,526 That's wonderful, Eddy, thank you. Thank you so much. 652 00:26:08,609 --> 00:26:09,610 Sweetie. 653 00:26:09,986 --> 00:26:11,946 Come on out, baby. Someone to meet somebody. 654 00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:14,323 You snapped. You know what that means? 655 00:26:14,365 --> 00:26:15,783 -I know, I know. -Excited. 656 00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:16,868 Right? 657 00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:19,745 Edna, this is James. 658 00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:21,247 Edna, James. 659 00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:23,457 -The best. -Welcome to our salon. 660 00:26:23,541 --> 00:26:25,585 -Only the best. -Eddy James he starts, I finish. 661 00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:26,794 Always a happy ending. 662 00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:28,379 Well... [laughs] 663 00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:30,590 So are we doing anything with him? 664 00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:31,674 I'm fine. 665 00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:34,218 -It's all about her. -It's her today, baby. 666 00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:37,054 -No, no, no. -Don't. 667 00:26:37,138 --> 00:26:39,140 -Come on, not today. -Don't even, start with it. 668 00:26:39,182 --> 00:26:40,183 Me, not today? 669 00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:42,643 You snap and look at him, the way you just looked at him- 670 00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:44,645 -No, it's really about her. -Yeah. 671 00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:47,023 Which is why I'm having a co-- ex-- 672 00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:48,566 -a conversation-- -I'm sorry. 673 00:26:48,649 --> 00:26:49,650 with my husband. 674 00:26:49,692 --> 00:26:50,693 You're flirting. 675 00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:53,905 Oh, no, I'm not, babe. You know you're the one for me. 676 00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:57,575 -Anyways. -I'm sorry. 677 00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,076 Yes, that's what I need. 678 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,286 And enough of that. 679 00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:01,996 Sweetheart, listen, let's get you started. 680 00:27:02,079 --> 00:27:03,998 Don't worry about this. That's between him and I. 681 00:27:04,081 --> 00:27:05,374 We'll take care of you just fine. 682 00:27:05,416 --> 00:27:08,169 You're in good hands, magic hands. Come with me. 683 00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:09,462 Do your magic. 684 00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:10,546 You know I do. 685 00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:12,715 [sighs] So... 686 00:27:13,216 --> 00:27:14,759 when the husband snaps 687 00:27:14,884 --> 00:27:17,553 I have magic to perform. So... 688 00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,639 I am gonna give you a little... 689 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,015 Oh, gosh, I don't know. 690 00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:22,183 You know what I'm gonna do? 691 00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:23,226 I'm gonna give you more waves 692 00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,685 than a Hawaiian surf competition, 693 00:27:24,769 --> 00:27:25,937 how does that sound? 694 00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:28,940 [hair dryer whirring] 695 00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:31,108 -Steve! -Yo? 696 00:27:31,442 --> 00:27:32,527 What do you think? 697 00:27:34,612 --> 00:27:35,988 That's hot. Hot. 698 00:27:36,447 --> 00:27:37,657 It is hot, Steve. 699 00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:39,158 I mean, look at her 700 00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:40,576 but then look at you. 701 00:27:41,536 --> 00:27:43,204 How about I do you next, handsome? 702 00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:44,705 OK, I'm good. 703 00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:47,333 -Come on, Steve. -Come on, Steve. 704 00:27:47,416 --> 00:27:48,793 Let James work his magic. 705 00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:49,836 I'm good. 706 00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:50,920 Steve... 707 00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:52,547 I promise I won't hurt you. 708 00:27:52,630 --> 00:27:53,798 -[nervous chuckle] -Ah! 709 00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:55,383 Unless you want me to... 710 00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:56,676 OK. 711 00:27:58,052 --> 00:27:59,095 Is it gonna hurt? 712 00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:00,388 Oh, don't worry. 713 00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:02,515 It's like giving head to a babushka. 714 00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:03,683 Hmm? OK. 715 00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:05,226 One. 716 00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:06,519 Two. 717 00:28:06,686 --> 00:28:07,353 Three! [ripping sound] 718 00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:08,020 [Edna screams] 719 00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:09,146 [screams] 720 00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:12,233 [fast-paced music] [panting] 721 00:28:18,072 --> 00:28:19,282 He-- she deserves it. 722 00:28:19,490 --> 00:28:21,200 [music continues] 723 00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:35,798 [door opens] 724 00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:37,216 OK. 725 00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,178 Last time I'm shopping with you, pal. 726 00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:42,346 Here we go. 727 00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:44,640 [sighs] 728 00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:46,517 Look, I gotta get back to the office. 729 00:28:46,559 --> 00:28:47,602 But listen to me. 730 00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:50,354 I'm meeting Molly at the GC Marketplace. 731 00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:53,191 We're gonna discuss the contract of your third book, so 732 00:28:53,274 --> 00:28:55,401 if you care to join us for a drink... 733 00:28:56,194 --> 00:28:57,570 I'm not hitting on you. 734 00:28:57,653 --> 00:28:59,530 -Right... -Eddie, look, I get it. 735 00:28:59,572 --> 00:29:01,532 You're Eddie, you're not Edna. I get that. 736 00:29:01,616 --> 00:29:02,617 -Uhuh. -I mean... 737 00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:04,619 I must have lost my mind, I mean 738 00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:05,870 you think about it. 739 00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:08,122 The situation's a little scary, right? 740 00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:10,791 -Yeah, you can say that again. -OK, so... 741 00:29:11,334 --> 00:29:13,211 we talked about this. Embrace it. 742 00:29:13,294 --> 00:29:14,295 -Uhuh. -Maybe 743 00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:15,963 see what it's like on the other side. 744 00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:17,215 -OK, you're right. -Cool. 745 00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:18,299 And maybe... 746 00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:20,426 wear the slinky black dress with the high heels and the thong. 747 00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:24,096 [fast-paced music] 748 00:29:33,481 --> 00:29:36,484 [men whooping] 749 00:29:36,567 --> 00:29:39,654 [upbeat music] 750 00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:04,011 [music continues] 751 00:30:09,392 --> 00:30:11,519 [music slows] 752 00:30:20,236 --> 00:30:21,237 [locker opens] 753 00:30:35,084 --> 00:30:36,085 Hello. 754 00:30:36,919 --> 00:30:37,920 Hi. 755 00:30:38,713 --> 00:30:39,755 Are you new here? 756 00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:42,675 Yeah, I'm all new. 757 00:30:44,385 --> 00:30:46,262 I've never seen you here before. 758 00:30:46,804 --> 00:30:48,806 Can you put some lotion on my back, please? 759 00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:49,891 OK. 760 00:30:52,393 --> 00:30:53,728 Rub me really good. 761 00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:56,856 [fast-paced upbeat music] 762 00:31:12,288 --> 00:31:13,289 [panting] 763 00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:18,586 -Problem with the machine? -No, problem with these. 764 00:31:19,295 --> 00:31:21,797 -Not used to running with them. -You just get them done? 765 00:31:22,673 --> 00:31:25,426 -Yeah, you can say that. -Well kudos to your doctor. 766 00:31:25,510 --> 00:31:27,512 -They look totally natural. -You think so? 767 00:31:27,553 --> 00:31:28,888 Yeah, yeah. I mean that I’d have to feel 768 00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:30,973 -them to know for sure. -Excuse me? 769 00:31:31,349 --> 00:31:32,725 Yeah. What do you say after work out, 770 00:31:32,767 --> 00:31:36,437 -we go back to my place, huh? -Unbelievable. 771 00:31:37,438 --> 00:31:40,900 -Come on, babe. -I have a penis! 772 00:31:40,983 --> 00:31:41,984 [fun music] 773 00:31:58,459 --> 00:32:00,628 [Frank] Well, so, I end my set. 774 00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:03,589 I walked off the stage and started looking for this young lady. 775 00:32:03,673 --> 00:32:07,468 Well, she’s sitting at this bar, just like you. 776 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,554 And then I walked up holding 777 00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:13,349 this panties, and I say, "I think this belong to you." 778 00:32:15,643 --> 00:32:18,521 And she says, "Actually," but starts laughing though, 779 00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:22,275 "Actually, they are gift for my grandmother." 780 00:32:22,483 --> 00:32:24,986 So after taking a look at them, I realized-- 781 00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:27,572 -They are granny panties. -Yeah, big ones. 782 00:32:29,907 --> 00:32:31,284 Well anyway, you’ve got my number. 783 00:32:31,784 --> 00:32:33,786 Alright, so give me a call. I’ll see you, gorgeous. 784 00:32:36,414 --> 00:32:38,082 Wait a minute, aren’t you Frank Stallone? 785 00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:39,166 Sure, kid. 786 00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:42,253 -Who is that guy? -Frank Stallone. 787 00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:44,463 Right. I knew it. He doesn’t remember me. 788 00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,757 We had this night, I mean, it was dark and he... 789 00:32:47,133 --> 00:32:50,720 he was... he-- he-- I'll tell you about it some other time. 790 00:32:50,803 --> 00:32:52,013 Back to business, beautiful. I just-- 791 00:32:52,054 --> 00:32:55,558 -Not gonna happen. -As in not gonna happen? 792 00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:58,895 -Ever. -As in never? 793 00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:01,814 Ever. Ever. Ever. 794 00:33:03,316 --> 00:33:05,234 -So I guess that’s a no. -I would rather die. 795 00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:08,571 Okay. Get to the point next time. 796 00:33:08,863 --> 00:33:10,615 [upbeat music] 797 00:33:26,506 --> 00:33:29,884 -Holy shit! -Hi, Molly Morrison. 798 00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:32,220 -Edna Greenleaf. -Greenleaf? 799 00:33:32,803 --> 00:33:35,973 -Yeah, I am Eddie’s sister. -Oh! 800 00:33:36,974 --> 00:33:39,560 -Nice to meet you. -Very nice to meet you. 801 00:33:39,644 --> 00:33:43,231 She is great, great, great. What the fuck did you do? 802 00:33:44,398 --> 00:33:46,025 What happened sweetheart? Just a little... 803 00:33:46,108 --> 00:33:47,485 I had a little bit trouble, you know? 804 00:33:47,527 --> 00:33:50,238 -A little bit? -Don’t wear makeup much? 805 00:33:50,738 --> 00:33:54,325 It’s my first time. I mean, me and Eddie, 806 00:33:54,617 --> 00:33:57,036 -we are from Amish country. -More like clownish country. 807 00:33:57,995 --> 00:34:00,331 -Again. -Interesting. 808 00:34:00,414 --> 00:34:03,876 No. Hey, look. What is interesting, ladies. 809 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,711 We don’t care about you. Go this way. 810 00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,922 Okay, umm... what are we doing? 811 00:34:10,174 --> 00:34:13,135 You ever heard of Van... D... Gogh. 812 00:34:14,595 --> 00:34:16,472 He’s got no ears! What do you know. 813 00:34:17,223 --> 00:34:19,559 Hey, how are you guys doing? Hey dreamboat. 814 00:34:21,352 --> 00:34:23,187 NO, not you, shipwreck. I was taking to... 815 00:34:23,271 --> 00:34:24,272 [music continues] 816 00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:38,786 -What took you guys so long? -Rome wasn’t built a day. 817 00:34:38,911 --> 00:34:40,872 What the fuck does that have to do with anything? 818 00:34:41,873 --> 00:34:45,459 Rome. I like that show. I watch that show. 819 00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:47,128 Drink? Let me get the drink. 820 00:34:52,925 --> 00:34:56,053 Hey, isn’t that chick from homeless shelter. 821 00:34:56,637 --> 00:34:59,765 -Jess something. -Yeah. I think so. 822 00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,478 -I wonder why she is here alone. -Who cares? 823 00:35:05,479 --> 00:35:07,899 -I think I am gonna go say hi. -Wh-- why? 824 00:35:08,566 --> 00:35:12,695 -To be polite. -You? I mean, yeah. 825 00:35:13,696 --> 00:35:15,698 Go ahead. And I am outta here, ok? 826 00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:17,408 -Sounds good. -Yeah, me too. 827 00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:21,204 Wait a minute. How would you like a ride? 828 00:35:21,454 --> 00:35:22,955 -I think I am going right-- -No. 829 00:35:24,415 --> 00:35:26,334 Okay. How about you give me a ride home 830 00:35:26,417 --> 00:35:30,046 -because I don’t have a car. -No. 831 00:35:33,007 --> 00:35:35,343 You know, I saw this article today. 832 00:35:36,552 --> 00:35:38,387 -[Edna] Hi. -Hi. 833 00:35:38,846 --> 00:35:39,972 [Edna] Do you mind if I join you? 834 00:35:41,057 --> 00:35:42,600 -Do we know each other? -Yeah, we met at 835 00:35:42,683 --> 00:35:44,727 the homeless shelter. I was looking for that 836 00:35:44,810 --> 00:35:47,813 -homeless woman took my ID. -Oh, that’s right. 837 00:35:47,855 --> 00:35:52,652 -Your name was... Edna. -Yeah, Edna. 838 00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:55,738 -Sure, have a seat. -Thanks. 839 00:35:56,948 --> 00:35:58,407 -It’s Jess, right? -Yup. 840 00:35:59,742 --> 00:36:00,785 So you here alone? 841 00:36:02,161 --> 00:36:04,080 -No. -Alright. 842 00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:09,001 -You want some? -I’m good, thanks. 843 00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:12,338 So did you ever find that woman you were looking for? 844 00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:15,508 -Not yet. -You got... 845 00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:19,428 -What? -You got something here. 846 00:36:21,138 --> 00:36:24,267 -Thank you. -There. All gone. 847 00:36:29,897 --> 00:36:31,440 -Can I ask you something? -Yeah. Sure. 848 00:36:32,441 --> 00:36:34,861 -Are you hitting on me? -I am sorry. 849 00:36:35,403 --> 00:36:38,447 I mean, I am flattered and all. But... 850 00:36:39,115 --> 00:36:41,284 -I am straight. -Yeah, so am I. 851 00:36:42,702 --> 00:36:45,288 Oh. Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. 852 00:36:45,663 --> 00:36:47,957 No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. 853 00:36:48,291 --> 00:36:50,376 Well, in fact, it’s been a while since... 854 00:36:50,710 --> 00:36:52,378 -since anyone hit on me. -Really? 855 00:36:52,962 --> 00:36:54,338 It’s hard to believe. 856 00:36:56,465 --> 00:36:58,593 Ok. It’s all about confidence. 857 00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:00,678 You have to believe you are the most attractive, 858 00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:04,098 -desirable person in the room. -Yeah, that’s not me. 859 00:37:05,224 --> 00:37:08,394 Okay, well, there’s always liquid confidence. 860 00:37:09,937 --> 00:37:11,439 -Liquid confidence? -Mhm. 861 00:37:13,691 --> 00:37:14,567 Thank you. 862 00:37:18,529 --> 00:37:19,530 [fun music] 863 00:37:33,127 --> 00:37:34,879 Ok, Jess. Do you see that guy 864 00:37:34,921 --> 00:37:35,922 over there at the bar? 865 00:37:39,008 --> 00:37:41,093 I want you to go over and talk to him. 866 00:37:44,430 --> 00:37:46,307 Nope. No way. 867 00:37:46,432 --> 00:37:47,934 Come on. What is the worst that’s 868 00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:48,976 gonna happen? 869 00:37:49,477 --> 00:37:53,856 I’ll try to flirt, and he'll laugh so hard that he... 870 00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:57,276 he falls off his chair, bangs his head, 871 00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,445 and he is in coma. 872 00:38:00,988 --> 00:38:03,658 Wow, you’ve got quite an imagination. 873 00:38:04,367 --> 00:38:07,537 -I'm just saying, I can’t. -Come on, Jess. 874 00:38:07,954 --> 00:38:08,955 Come on. 875 00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:16,337 You are a smart, confident woman. 876 00:38:16,379 --> 00:38:19,382 That guy, he would be so lucky to date you. 877 00:38:20,299 --> 00:38:23,511 I'm a smart, confident woman... 878 00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:26,722 -Ok. -Ok. Wait. 879 00:38:27,807 --> 00:38:29,100 Do you need those glasses? 880 00:38:30,601 --> 00:38:33,646 -Only to see. -OK. That’s fine. 881 00:38:34,605 --> 00:38:36,148 -Okay. -You look great. 882 00:38:41,487 --> 00:38:42,488 [growls] 883 00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:44,740 [music continues] 884 00:38:54,542 --> 00:38:56,544 -Hi. -Hey. 885 00:38:58,462 --> 00:38:59,547 Watching the game? 886 00:39:00,089 --> 00:39:01,757 Yeah, I am watching the game. 887 00:39:04,302 --> 00:39:06,137 -I’m Jess. -Dylan. 888 00:39:08,472 --> 00:39:11,684 So, Dylan, you come here often? 889 00:39:13,060 --> 00:39:16,606 Look. I bet you are really nice person, 890 00:39:16,898 --> 00:39:20,109 but I have girlfriend, and I’m a little bit busy right now. 891 00:39:20,276 --> 00:39:23,696 -So I am sorry. -I am really sorry. 892 00:39:25,198 --> 00:39:28,492 Friggin’ Dodgers. Biggest payroll in baseball 893 00:39:28,534 --> 00:39:30,161 and they're playing like minor leaguers. 894 00:39:30,453 --> 00:39:31,704 Tell me about it. I know. 895 00:39:32,496 --> 00:39:33,915 I bet you can hit better than Bradley. 896 00:39:34,665 --> 00:39:38,336 -And look better doing it. -Dylan. 897 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,922 -Edna. -Edna, can I buy you a drink? 898 00:39:41,130 --> 00:39:42,924 -Yeah, sure. -What would you like to have? 899 00:39:44,634 --> 00:39:47,470 Dirty martini. Extra dirty. 900 00:39:48,638 --> 00:39:53,518 Papa, can I get a dirty martini. Extra dirty, please. 901 00:39:54,393 --> 00:39:56,312 So, Edna, how come I’ve never seen you? 902 00:39:56,896 --> 00:39:59,899 -It’s me first time in here. -I guess this is my lucky day. 903 00:40:00,316 --> 00:40:01,609 I guess it’s mine too. 904 00:40:02,610 --> 00:40:03,569 Thank you. 905 00:40:05,530 --> 00:40:07,740 -Can I ask you a question? -Sure. Shoot. 906 00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:12,078 -Are you single? -As matter of fact, I am. 907 00:40:12,703 --> 00:40:13,704 I see. 908 00:40:16,290 --> 00:40:17,291 [drink splatters] 909 00:40:18,501 --> 00:40:20,169 -What the hell? -Come on, Jess. 910 00:40:20,253 --> 00:40:22,463 We are going. He is a right wanker anyway. 911 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:24,841 [laughing] 912 00:40:30,304 --> 00:40:32,849 -That was awesome. -It really was. 913 00:40:33,057 --> 00:40:34,433 You shot that guy down. 914 00:40:36,269 --> 00:40:37,478 Down to the ground. 915 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:38,521 [Jess snorts] 916 00:40:38,688 --> 00:40:41,440 -You just snorted. -Oh, I am sorry. 917 00:40:41,732 --> 00:40:43,484 Come on. It’s really cute. 918 00:40:43,693 --> 00:40:47,405 -Why are hot guys like that? -What do you mean? 919 00:40:47,905 --> 00:40:51,367 -You know like-- ow! -I am sorry, Jess. 920 00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:55,121 -Like superficial dirt bags. -I know, right. 921 00:40:55,913 --> 00:40:59,876 -Why do you think that is? -I-- I don’t know. 922 00:41:00,209 --> 00:41:02,461 -I mean, men right? -Men. 923 00:41:02,962 --> 00:41:05,923 Do you want me to give you a ride back to mine? 924 00:41:08,384 --> 00:41:09,468 Jess, are you ok? 925 00:41:11,846 --> 00:41:12,847 You all right? 926 00:41:13,389 --> 00:41:14,390 [heaving] 927 00:41:17,310 --> 00:41:20,021 Look. It’s cheese fries. [chuckling] 928 00:41:20,396 --> 00:41:21,981 I mean, are you all right? 929 00:41:23,065 --> 00:41:24,317 I’m going to take you back to mine. 930 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:25,401 [upbeat music] 931 00:42:11,739 --> 00:42:13,074 Welcome to adult warehouse. 932 00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,201 [together] The paradise for sexually-active adults. 933 00:42:15,743 --> 00:42:18,663 Um, hi. I was kinda, you know, 934 00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:20,790 wandering outside, and thought I’d come in have a look. 935 00:42:20,873 --> 00:42:22,166 Don’t worry, nothing in here bites. 936 00:42:22,250 --> 00:42:25,253 -Unless you want it to. -Good one. 937 00:42:25,545 --> 00:42:27,421 -Do you have any questions? -We are here to serve you. 938 00:42:27,505 --> 00:42:29,715 Yeah. You guys have anything 939 00:42:29,757 --> 00:42:31,759 you recommend if you wanna, you know. 940 00:42:31,884 --> 00:42:35,680 -Get your Amelia Earhart on? -I’m sorry? 941 00:42:36,097 --> 00:42:38,933 She means fly solo. Yeah, yeah, that. 942 00:42:39,141 --> 00:42:40,768 -Wonderful. -Right this way. 943 00:42:48,234 --> 00:42:50,278 This is where you’ll find your beaver buzzers, 944 00:42:50,319 --> 00:42:52,572 magic wands, pussy plungers, hamburger helpers 945 00:42:52,613 --> 00:42:53,781 and wacky wobblers. 946 00:42:54,115 --> 00:42:56,325 Personally, I like the butterfly. 947 00:42:56,701 --> 00:42:58,202 It really makes me squirt! 948 00:42:58,244 --> 00:42:59,954 And I like the butterfly too. 949 00:43:00,037 --> 00:43:01,873 You can even get one with a butt plug. 950 00:43:01,956 --> 00:43:04,125 It makes you wonder why you put up with guys and all their games. 951 00:43:04,208 --> 00:43:05,209 It really does. 952 00:43:07,962 --> 00:43:08,963 Hey! 953 00:43:09,797 --> 00:43:12,216 That blow-up doll is for display purposes only! 954 00:43:12,341 --> 00:43:14,135 Yeah, we're talking to you, pal! 955 00:43:15,636 --> 00:43:16,637 [both sigh] 956 00:43:16,929 --> 00:43:18,764 [together] School principals. 957 00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:22,226 Well... have fun. 958 00:43:22,393 --> 00:43:24,020 Find us if you have any more questions. 959 00:43:24,228 --> 00:43:27,315 [upbeat music] 960 00:43:28,191 --> 00:43:29,442 Holy shit! 961 00:43:29,483 --> 00:43:32,570 [music continues] 962 00:43:40,161 --> 00:43:43,164 [clattering] 963 00:43:47,335 --> 00:43:48,836 [chuckles] Need some help? 964 00:43:49,045 --> 00:43:50,046 Yeah, thanks. 965 00:43:50,796 --> 00:43:51,964 [grunts] [Edna chuckles] 966 00:43:52,590 --> 00:43:53,591 Never been here before. 967 00:43:53,883 --> 00:43:56,344 Well, I think they have a, a policy. 968 00:43:56,427 --> 00:43:58,221 You knock it to the floor, you bought it. 969 00:43:58,429 --> 00:44:00,097 Well, I guess I'll have to throw a party, then. 970 00:44:00,139 --> 00:44:01,307 [chuckles] I'm Matt. 971 00:44:02,099 --> 00:44:03,726 -Edna. -I'm here to... 972 00:44:04,185 --> 00:44:05,561 find a gag gift for my... 973 00:44:06,062 --> 00:44:07,313 my buddy's bachelor party. 974 00:44:07,605 --> 00:44:09,106 Wow, if you're looking to gag someone 975 00:44:09,232 --> 00:44:10,274 I think this might do the trick. 976 00:44:10,816 --> 00:44:11,817 Wow. 977 00:44:11,859 --> 00:44:13,110 Think they modeled that on someone? 978 00:44:13,194 --> 00:44:14,820 [laughs] Yeah. Sea Biscuit. 979 00:44:15,696 --> 00:44:17,782 [laughs] 980 00:44:17,865 --> 00:44:19,283 A girl who knows her horses. 981 00:44:19,325 --> 00:44:20,785 That's really unusual. 982 00:44:20,868 --> 00:44:21,869 Yeah. 983 00:44:22,203 --> 00:44:23,871 -I'm pretty unusual. -Really? 984 00:44:24,956 --> 00:44:27,583 OK, I... I know this might seem forward and all, but... 985 00:44:27,959 --> 00:44:30,294 what would you think about meeting me for a cup of coffee some time? 986 00:44:31,587 --> 00:44:33,506 Now, you don't have to decide right now. 987 00:44:34,257 --> 00:44:35,216 Here's my card. 988 00:44:35,758 --> 00:44:36,759 You get thirsty, 989 00:44:36,843 --> 00:44:37,802 you give me a call. 990 00:44:37,885 --> 00:44:38,886 All right. 991 00:44:40,096 --> 00:44:42,181 And, it doesn't have to be coffee. It could be tea. 992 00:44:43,432 --> 00:44:44,809 Whatever you like. It's on me. 993 00:44:45,351 --> 00:44:48,437 [music continues] 994 00:44:50,231 --> 00:44:51,983 I think I'm gonna fix him up with Jess. 995 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:53,401 Uhuh. 996 00:44:54,485 --> 00:44:56,153 -An investment banker. -Uhuh. 997 00:44:56,195 --> 00:44:58,114 -Not bad. -He's pretty good looking, too. 998 00:44:59,323 --> 00:45:00,950 OK. Is that Eddie or Edna talking? 999 00:45:01,033 --> 00:45:02,410 -Umm... -I'm just saying. 1000 00:45:02,660 --> 00:45:03,953 [chuckles] 1001 00:45:04,370 --> 00:45:05,746 So, uhh... wow. 1002 00:45:06,622 --> 00:45:07,707 Where'd you meet him? 1003 00:45:08,958 --> 00:45:09,959 Where? 1004 00:45:10,376 --> 00:45:12,253 Yeah, where? What is it, a secret? 1005 00:45:12,378 --> 00:45:13,546 [chuckles] Nope. 1006 00:45:15,464 --> 00:45:16,465 So where'd you meet him? 1007 00:45:16,549 --> 00:45:17,550 [Edna sighs] 1008 00:45:20,052 --> 00:45:21,387 Adult Warehouse. 1009 00:45:21,596 --> 00:45:24,307 I mean, I had to get out of here before I wore out my nipples. 1010 00:45:24,348 --> 00:45:26,100 Oh, really? Yeah, I get that. The question is 1011 00:45:26,350 --> 00:45:27,685 did you buy anything... 1012 00:45:29,020 --> 00:45:30,021 What? 1013 00:45:30,229 --> 00:45:31,606 -I mean... -Eddie! 1014 00:45:32,148 --> 00:45:33,983 I mean, really? I said embrace it, but... 1015 00:45:34,483 --> 00:45:36,152 -I just... -This, this will kill you. 1016 00:45:36,736 --> 00:45:39,030 I thought it might be useful for my third book, you know? 1017 00:45:39,322 --> 00:45:41,032 Third book? Third and final book. 1018 00:45:41,073 --> 00:45:42,325 What are you doing to yourself here? 1019 00:45:42,617 --> 00:45:43,618 My god. 1020 00:45:43,701 --> 00:45:44,702 -Yeah... -I mean... 1021 00:45:45,119 --> 00:45:46,162 you embraced it. 1022 00:45:47,455 --> 00:45:49,207 OK, I just gotta tell you. 1023 00:45:49,248 --> 00:45:51,250 This, the whole thing, I'm not feeling 1024 00:45:51,792 --> 00:45:53,169 too good about, this. 1025 00:45:53,211 --> 00:45:55,463 Well, I just wanted to test my female parts, you know? 1026 00:45:56,005 --> 00:45:57,006 I'm out of here, pal. 1027 00:45:57,048 --> 00:45:58,216 You've got your own-- you're home now. 1028 00:45:58,883 --> 00:45:59,967 That's just too much. 1029 00:46:00,051 --> 00:46:03,095 [drum music] 1030 00:46:08,726 --> 00:46:10,811 [buzzing] 1031 00:46:12,146 --> 00:46:14,649 Don't worry, OK? We'll find a place for you to sleep tonight. 1032 00:46:14,899 --> 00:46:17,026 Even if you have to come home and stay at mine. 1033 00:46:17,276 --> 00:46:18,319 -OK? -OK. 1034 00:46:18,402 --> 00:46:19,820 [laughs] So sweet. 1035 00:46:20,738 --> 00:46:22,281 -Edna. Hi. -Hi, Jess. 1036 00:46:22,323 --> 00:46:23,991 Why don't you go wait by there? OK, then? 1037 00:46:24,742 --> 00:46:26,994 Just stopping by, cause I found you a date. 1038 00:46:27,578 --> 00:46:28,579 You did? 1039 00:46:28,913 --> 00:46:32,124 He's nice-looking, successful, good sense of humor. 1040 00:46:32,208 --> 00:46:33,209 What do you think? 1041 00:46:33,501 --> 00:46:34,585 I don't know... 1042 00:46:34,669 --> 00:46:37,505 Oh, come on, Jess, you asked me to introduce you to someone. 1043 00:46:37,797 --> 00:46:38,798 I know. 1044 00:46:39,215 --> 00:46:40,258 So, what's the problem? 1045 00:46:40,591 --> 00:46:41,592 It's just... 1046 00:46:41,717 --> 00:46:44,220 I don't think I can take any more rejection right now, OK? 1047 00:46:44,554 --> 00:46:47,640 [soft music] 1048 00:46:51,269 --> 00:46:53,980 There are a few things we could do to improve your chances. 1049 00:46:54,856 --> 00:46:55,898 What do you mean? 1050 00:46:56,190 --> 00:46:57,191 Do you trust me? 1051 00:46:58,818 --> 00:46:59,819 Yes... 1052 00:47:00,152 --> 00:47:01,612 [fast-paced music] Sweetheart, listen. 1053 00:47:03,114 --> 00:47:04,699 When I get done with you... 1054 00:47:05,283 --> 00:47:06,701 you are going to attract 1055 00:47:06,826 --> 00:47:09,203 more men, than pre-menopausal Madonna. 1056 00:47:09,579 --> 00:47:11,664 -Oh, you really think so? -I know so. 1057 00:47:11,998 --> 00:47:12,999 You see these hands? 1058 00:47:14,709 --> 00:47:16,419 These are magical hands. 1059 00:47:16,502 --> 00:47:19,505 And they should be registered with the Magicians' Guild of America. 1060 00:47:19,672 --> 00:47:21,215 Trust me, Jess, he's the best. 1061 00:47:21,382 --> 00:47:22,717 That's what he said. 1062 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:23,801 [Jess chuckles] 1063 00:47:23,843 --> 00:47:24,844 Uhuh. [snaps fingers] 1064 00:47:26,888 --> 00:47:27,889 [upbeat piano music] 1065 00:47:27,972 --> 00:47:29,724 OK, here I come. 1066 00:47:29,765 --> 00:47:32,810 [music continues] 1067 00:47:35,188 --> 00:47:36,189 Wow. 1068 00:47:36,689 --> 00:47:39,734 You've become beautiful moth. 1069 00:47:39,942 --> 00:47:41,152 Don't you mean, butterfly? 1070 00:47:41,485 --> 00:47:42,486 Whatever. 1071 00:47:43,696 --> 00:47:45,990 Are you sure it's not a little, too revealing? 1072 00:47:46,115 --> 00:47:47,241 No, no. 1073 00:47:47,783 --> 00:47:50,077 It's the, uhh, perfect amount of revealing. 1074 00:47:50,745 --> 00:47:53,164 Now you are ready, become trophy wife. 1075 00:47:53,247 --> 00:47:55,541 Oh, that's not my goal. 1076 00:47:57,293 --> 00:47:58,878 All you have to do is be yourself. 1077 00:47:59,420 --> 00:48:01,172 I mean, there's a lot to like. 1078 00:48:01,839 --> 00:48:02,840 You think so? 1079 00:48:03,466 --> 00:48:04,717 More than you know. 1080 00:48:04,884 --> 00:48:06,052 [music continues] 1081 00:48:06,427 --> 00:48:07,428 Can I ask you something? 1082 00:48:08,304 --> 00:48:09,972 -Sure. -How come... 1083 00:48:10,515 --> 00:48:12,225 you haven't tried to fix me up with your brother? 1084 00:48:12,975 --> 00:48:14,310 -With Eddie? -Uhuh. 1085 00:48:14,644 --> 00:48:15,645 Umm... 1086 00:48:15,811 --> 00:48:16,812 Uhh... 1087 00:48:17,772 --> 00:48:19,398 Because I don't know when he's coming back. 1088 00:48:19,649 --> 00:48:20,650 Where did he go? 1089 00:48:21,067 --> 00:48:22,068 Eddie... 1090 00:48:22,151 --> 00:48:23,152 went to prison. 1091 00:48:23,236 --> 00:48:25,988 [music continues] 1092 00:48:26,030 --> 00:48:27,949 [laughs] [snorts] 1093 00:48:28,074 --> 00:48:29,075 Shut up. 1094 00:48:29,367 --> 00:48:31,744 [music continues] 1095 00:48:32,161 --> 00:48:33,162 Oh my gosh. 1096 00:48:33,913 --> 00:48:34,914 I'm so sorry. 1097 00:48:35,248 --> 00:48:36,249 It's OK. 1098 00:48:36,582 --> 00:48:38,084 It must be really hard on your family. 1099 00:48:38,292 --> 00:48:39,502 Yeah, it is. 1100 00:48:41,254 --> 00:48:42,463 Can I ask what he did? 1101 00:48:44,423 --> 00:48:45,466 Eddie's a fraud. 1102 00:48:46,467 --> 00:48:48,469 I mean like, he committed a fraud. 1103 00:48:49,136 --> 00:48:50,513 Wow. Really? 1104 00:48:51,347 --> 00:48:54,350 [music continues] 1105 00:48:55,643 --> 00:48:57,520 -Crazy white people. -Tell me about it. 1106 00:48:58,187 --> 00:48:59,480 I think this one is a lesbian. 1107 00:48:59,647 --> 00:49:00,648 Really? 1108 00:49:00,898 --> 00:49:02,149 Strange vibe. 1109 00:49:02,567 --> 00:49:05,069 Maybe you should fix her up with your cousin. 1110 00:49:05,194 --> 00:49:07,655 She doesn't like white chicks. 1111 00:49:07,697 --> 00:49:10,783 [both laugh] 1112 00:49:18,666 --> 00:49:21,169 I'm thinking of taking Eddie's place in the fashion show. 1113 00:49:22,420 --> 00:49:23,588 It's for a good cause, right? 1114 00:49:24,839 --> 00:49:26,632 No, I was out with Jess. 1115 00:49:27,216 --> 00:49:28,676 We went and got pedicures. 1116 00:49:29,552 --> 00:49:31,637 My feet have never looked so good. 1117 00:49:32,889 --> 00:49:33,890 What? 1118 00:49:34,182 --> 00:49:36,684 I am not sending you a picture of my feet. 1119 00:49:37,268 --> 00:49:38,436 Goodbye, Steve! 1120 00:49:40,980 --> 00:49:41,981 I mean 1121 00:49:42,023 --> 00:49:43,482 what's the big deal with this thing? 1122 00:49:43,858 --> 00:49:46,611 [upbeat music] 1123 00:49:47,153 --> 00:49:48,154 Damn. 1124 00:49:49,238 --> 00:49:52,241 [buzzing] [music continues] 1125 00:49:56,954 --> 00:49:58,873 OK, remember. If you and Matt hit it off 1126 00:49:58,956 --> 00:50:01,459 just say the code word and I'll make an excuse to leave. 1127 00:50:01,834 --> 00:50:02,835 Bananas. Hmm? 1128 00:50:03,419 --> 00:50:04,504 All right, we're here. 1129 00:50:05,087 --> 00:50:08,090 [sophisticated music] 1130 00:50:08,341 --> 00:50:09,342 -Hi. -Hi. 1131 00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:11,344 I hope you don't mind, I... 1132 00:50:11,677 --> 00:50:12,762 brought along a friend. 1133 00:50:12,929 --> 00:50:13,930 This is Jess. 1134 00:50:14,514 --> 00:50:16,182 -This is Matt. -Hi. Nice to meet you. 1135 00:50:16,224 --> 00:50:17,225 Nice to meet you. 1136 00:50:17,558 --> 00:50:19,101 So, what would you guys like to drink? 1137 00:50:19,185 --> 00:50:20,770 No, no, no. Let me get this. 1138 00:50:20,811 --> 00:50:22,897 No, no. You guys chat and get to know each other. 1139 00:50:22,980 --> 00:50:23,981 I'll go get the drinks. 1140 00:50:24,690 --> 00:50:26,317 -OK. -A cappuccino. 1141 00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:27,401 Cool. 1142 00:50:27,777 --> 00:50:30,780 [music continues] 1143 00:50:36,869 --> 00:50:38,037 -Here you go. -[indistinct] 1144 00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:41,123 [music continues] 1145 00:50:41,916 --> 00:50:44,544 -What can I get started for you? -Uhh, two cappuccinos, please. 1146 00:50:46,838 --> 00:50:47,839 Here you go. Hey. 1147 00:50:48,464 --> 00:50:49,465 That's for you. 1148 00:50:51,217 --> 00:50:52,218 [chuckles] 1149 00:50:52,343 --> 00:50:55,847 You gotta get those young ladies used to getting flowers, you know? 1150 00:50:55,972 --> 00:50:57,890 That's true, that's true. 1151 00:50:57,974 --> 00:50:59,892 It's not gonna be the last time, hopefully. 1152 00:51:00,852 --> 00:51:01,894 Hopefully not. 1153 00:51:02,311 --> 00:51:03,312 Can I get your name? 1154 00:51:03,729 --> 00:51:04,730 And your number? 1155 00:51:06,524 --> 00:51:08,401 What? What do you need my number for? 1156 00:51:08,776 --> 00:51:09,777 So I can call you later. 1157 00:51:10,319 --> 00:51:11,320 OK, look. 1158 00:51:11,821 --> 00:51:12,822 I'm a dude. 1159 00:51:13,698 --> 00:51:14,699 You're a dude. 1160 00:51:14,991 --> 00:51:15,992 Yeah, that's right. 1161 00:51:16,826 --> 00:51:18,160 What're you playing? Hide the banana? 1162 00:51:18,244 --> 00:51:19,287 Yeah, something like that. 1163 00:51:20,288 --> 00:51:21,289 You could've just said no, thanks. 1164 00:51:22,957 --> 00:51:24,208 You're a fine-ass dude, though. 1165 00:51:25,042 --> 00:51:28,087 [music continues] 1166 00:51:31,465 --> 00:51:33,467 -There you go. -Oh, thank you. 1167 00:51:33,551 --> 00:51:34,552 Cappuccino. 1168 00:51:36,345 --> 00:51:38,890 Did you know that Matt volunteers at a homeless shelter? 1169 00:51:38,931 --> 00:51:40,975 -No. -Yeah, it's no big deal. I... 1170 00:51:41,392 --> 00:51:43,769 I was raised by a family who believe in giving back. 1171 00:51:44,270 --> 00:51:45,271 Oh. 1172 00:51:45,646 --> 00:51:48,024 Actually, he's gonna volunteer at my shelter this weekend. 1173 00:51:48,482 --> 00:51:49,483 Really? 1174 00:51:49,525 --> 00:51:52,236 Yeah, I figure I'm doing my part no matter which shelter I'm at. 1175 00:51:52,445 --> 00:51:53,446 OK. 1176 00:51:53,738 --> 00:51:55,823 So at what shelter do you normally volunteer at? 1177 00:51:56,032 --> 00:51:57,491 Uhh, you... 1178 00:51:57,867 --> 00:52:00,036 probably wouldn't know. It's on the other side of town. 1179 00:52:00,244 --> 00:52:01,245 Actually... 1180 00:52:01,454 --> 00:52:03,456 I know pretty much every shelter in town. 1181 00:52:03,539 --> 00:52:05,416 -Right. -[both chuckle] 1182 00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:06,501 Go on, give me a try. 1183 00:52:07,084 --> 00:52:08,085 Uhh... 1184 00:52:08,628 --> 00:52:10,004 OK, umm... 1185 00:52:10,379 --> 00:52:11,714 Well, it's... umm... 1186 00:52:12,882 --> 00:52:13,883 it's on... 1187 00:52:14,342 --> 00:52:17,136 Edna, did you happen to see if the, umm... 1188 00:52:17,595 --> 00:52:18,763 if they have any bananas? 1189 00:52:19,096 --> 00:52:20,097 I'm sorry? 1190 00:52:20,473 --> 00:52:22,183 You know, bananas. 1191 00:52:22,808 --> 00:52:24,268 My banana's gone AWOL. 1192 00:52:25,311 --> 00:52:26,312 What? 1193 00:52:26,687 --> 00:52:28,814 [music continues] 1194 00:52:29,315 --> 00:52:30,399 I mean, our bananas. 1195 00:52:31,275 --> 00:52:32,610 They don't have any bananas. 1196 00:52:33,486 --> 00:52:34,487 Oh... 1197 00:52:34,529 --> 00:52:37,823 Uhh, I'd be happy to split my cup cake with you. 1198 00:52:38,533 --> 00:52:40,493 -Oh god. -Thank you, that's so sweet. 1199 00:52:40,826 --> 00:52:42,537 You know, I'm gonna really have to go. 1200 00:52:42,870 --> 00:52:44,455 I've got something really important to take care of. 1201 00:52:44,872 --> 00:52:46,082 -Oh, really? -Uhuh. 1202 00:52:46,249 --> 00:52:47,291 Yeah, but you guys, 1203 00:52:47,416 --> 00:52:49,001 you guys have fun. Get to know each other. 1204 00:52:50,378 --> 00:52:51,379 Is that OK with you, Jess? 1205 00:52:51,462 --> 00:52:52,463 I'd like that. 1206 00:52:52,922 --> 00:52:53,923 Great. 1207 00:52:55,049 --> 00:52:56,050 See ya. 1208 00:52:56,175 --> 00:52:57,176 Yeah. 1209 00:52:59,178 --> 00:53:00,179 So... 1210 00:53:00,763 --> 00:53:01,889 tell me a little about yourself. 1211 00:53:02,098 --> 00:53:03,766 Well, umm, as you know I work... 1212 00:53:04,559 --> 00:53:06,310 -You're jealous. -No, I'm not. 1213 00:53:06,394 --> 00:53:07,395 Bullshit. 1214 00:53:07,687 --> 00:53:09,689 Look, I'm just a little worried about her. 1215 00:53:10,022 --> 00:53:11,774 Why? You're the one who set them up, right? 1216 00:53:12,108 --> 00:53:13,317 I thought it'd be different. 1217 00:53:13,818 --> 00:53:16,153 Different? Why? What do you mean? Like what? 1218 00:53:16,654 --> 00:53:18,072 Different than us. 1219 00:53:18,281 --> 00:53:19,282 What? 1220 00:53:19,949 --> 00:53:22,368 Look. Maybe it's my female hormones talking, but... 1221 00:53:22,952 --> 00:53:25,997 the idea of tricking women to get them into bed, it just seems... 1222 00:53:26,998 --> 00:53:27,999 wrong. 1223 00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:29,125 Is there any other way? 1224 00:53:29,375 --> 00:53:30,376 [groans] 1225 00:53:30,626 --> 00:53:32,587 Besides, you're the one who wrote the how-to manual. 1226 00:53:32,670 --> 00:53:34,505 -I know. -Actually, two manuals 1227 00:53:34,714 --> 00:53:36,799 -the blog, the article-- -I said I know. 1228 00:53:37,592 --> 00:53:39,177 -Touchy. -Hey, you're the one who told me 1229 00:53:39,218 --> 00:53:41,804 I should start looking at stuff from a female's perspective. 1230 00:53:43,014 --> 00:53:44,140 Damn, I did, didn't I? 1231 00:53:44,515 --> 00:53:47,643 Umm, I'm just starting to realize there's more to life than one-night stands. 1232 00:53:47,727 --> 00:53:48,728 Is there? 1233 00:53:49,562 --> 00:53:52,648 I mean, haven't you ever thought about being in a relationship? 1234 00:53:53,232 --> 00:53:54,525 You know, like getting married? 1235 00:53:55,484 --> 00:53:56,986 Dude, that's messed up. 1236 00:53:57,236 --> 00:53:58,237 Is it? 1237 00:53:58,279 --> 00:53:59,572 I mean, come on, Eddie. 1238 00:54:00,406 --> 00:54:03,075 Please, you're starting to sound like an old woman, or an old man 1239 00:54:03,242 --> 00:54:05,536 or, whatever it is that you are. 1240 00:54:06,579 --> 00:54:08,623 -OK, maybe you're right. -No, I am right. 1241 00:54:09,540 --> 00:54:10,541 It's just... 1242 00:54:10,791 --> 00:54:13,503 you know, Jess, she's different to the other girls I've been with. 1243 00:54:15,046 --> 00:54:16,339 What is that supposed to mean, Eddie? 1244 00:54:16,506 --> 00:54:19,050 She's kind, she's smart, she's vulnerable. 1245 00:54:19,217 --> 00:54:22,261 And when she laughs, she does like, you know, this sort of snort thing. 1246 00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:23,846 It's really cute. 1247 00:54:24,639 --> 00:54:25,640 Oh shit! 1248 00:54:26,390 --> 00:54:27,433 You're falling for her. 1249 00:54:27,558 --> 00:54:28,809 -That's crazy. -Is it? 1250 00:54:29,268 --> 00:54:31,354 -Hey, we're up next! -You know I'm right. 1251 00:54:31,521 --> 00:54:32,980 -Yeah? -I know you're an idiot. 1252 00:54:33,105 --> 00:54:35,024 Yeah, I'm an idiot, but you're in love with Jess. 1253 00:54:35,191 --> 00:54:36,984 [singing] You're in love with Jess. 1254 00:54:37,151 --> 00:54:38,653 [singing] You're in love with-- [groans] 1255 00:54:39,070 --> 00:54:40,071 [loud thud] 1256 00:54:43,241 --> 00:54:44,325 You're an idiot. 1257 00:54:44,867 --> 00:54:47,870 [upbeat music] 1258 00:54:49,288 --> 00:54:50,289 [door opens] 1259 00:54:51,499 --> 00:54:52,500 -Hi. -Hi. 1260 00:54:52,583 --> 00:54:54,001 I was just actually running a bath. 1261 00:54:54,377 --> 00:54:56,003 Oh. I can go and come back. 1262 00:54:56,087 --> 00:54:57,213 Don't be silly, come on in. 1263 00:54:57,380 --> 00:54:59,257 I can pour you some wine, we can talk while I soak. 1264 00:54:59,507 --> 00:55:00,716 Oh. [door closes] 1265 00:55:00,758 --> 00:55:01,843 Something wrong? 1266 00:55:01,926 --> 00:55:02,927 Uh, no. 1267 00:55:03,177 --> 00:55:04,345 Good. So, red or white? 1268 00:55:04,470 --> 00:55:06,138 Uhh, red. Red would be great. 1269 00:55:06,222 --> 00:55:07,223 Red it is. 1270 00:55:07,932 --> 00:55:09,141 This is my kitchen. 1271 00:55:09,225 --> 00:55:10,810 Oh, very nice. I like it. 1272 00:55:10,852 --> 00:55:12,061 Sorry, it's a little bit of a mess. 1273 00:55:12,144 --> 00:55:13,145 No, no. 1274 00:55:13,938 --> 00:55:15,815 Oh, this is all that's left. 1275 00:55:19,861 --> 00:55:20,862 Oh. 1276 00:55:21,153 --> 00:55:22,154 Thirsty? 1277 00:55:22,864 --> 00:55:23,865 Yeah. 1278 00:55:24,657 --> 00:55:25,741 All right, then. 1279 00:55:26,325 --> 00:55:27,326 Follow me. 1280 00:55:27,577 --> 00:55:30,663 [sophisticated music] 1281 00:55:31,998 --> 00:55:33,165 [door closes] Have a seat right there. 1282 00:55:34,542 --> 00:55:35,751 I'd invite you to join me, but... 1283 00:55:35,835 --> 00:55:38,838 [laughing hysterically] 1284 00:55:40,006 --> 00:55:41,215 Are you all right, Edna? 1285 00:55:42,383 --> 00:55:43,384 What? 1286 00:55:44,343 --> 00:55:45,344 I'm good. 1287 00:55:45,928 --> 00:55:46,929 OK. 1288 00:55:46,971 --> 00:55:50,016 [music continues] 1289 00:55:51,434 --> 00:55:53,060 So, you said you wanted to talk? 1290 00:55:53,561 --> 00:55:56,981 Yeah, yeah, I'm just kind of curious about how things with you and Matt go. 1291 00:55:57,231 --> 00:55:58,232 Really well. 1292 00:55:58,357 --> 00:55:59,859 We've been talking every day on the phone. 1293 00:55:59,942 --> 00:56:01,152 Oh, so you're gonna see him again? 1294 00:56:01,569 --> 00:56:03,487 Tomorrow, when he volunteers at the shelter. 1295 00:56:03,821 --> 00:56:04,822 Right. 1296 00:56:05,114 --> 00:56:07,450 You know, he seems like a great guy. 1297 00:56:08,326 --> 00:56:10,745 Yeah, I mean, he does seem that way, doesn't he? 1298 00:56:11,162 --> 00:56:13,581 Plus, he is so dreamy. 1299 00:56:13,831 --> 00:56:14,832 OK, Jess. 1300 00:56:15,124 --> 00:56:16,542 Promise me you'll be careful again. 1301 00:56:16,918 --> 00:56:17,960 What do you mean? 1302 00:56:18,127 --> 00:56:20,171 I just don't know Matt that well. 1303 00:56:20,379 --> 00:56:21,631 And sometimes, guys... 1304 00:56:22,048 --> 00:56:23,257 they can be snakes. 1305 00:56:23,716 --> 00:56:24,717 You're so sweet. 1306 00:56:24,842 --> 00:56:25,843 Yeah. 1307 00:56:26,093 --> 00:56:27,220 I'm a lot of things. 1308 00:56:27,845 --> 00:56:30,723 So, how come you didn't go after Matt yourself? 1309 00:56:31,474 --> 00:56:32,642 He's not really my type. 1310 00:56:33,059 --> 00:56:34,560 -No? -Nah. 1311 00:56:35,019 --> 00:56:36,020 Plus... 1312 00:56:36,354 --> 00:56:37,939 kind of have my eye on someone else. 1313 00:56:39,023 --> 00:56:41,150 Oh, is it that guy you came by the shelter with? 1314 00:56:41,275 --> 00:56:42,318 -Steve? -Yes. 1315 00:56:42,944 --> 00:56:44,529 No. He wishes. 1316 00:56:45,071 --> 00:56:46,072 Nah, not him. 1317 00:56:47,198 --> 00:56:48,199 Someone who... 1318 00:56:48,449 --> 00:56:50,117 doesn't really know how I feel about them. 1319 00:56:50,826 --> 00:56:52,203 Then why don't you just go for it? 1320 00:56:52,286 --> 00:56:55,289 [music continues] 1321 00:56:55,414 --> 00:56:56,749 -Edna. -Umm... 1322 00:56:57,792 --> 00:56:58,793 I can't. 1323 00:56:59,377 --> 00:57:00,378 Come on. 1324 00:57:00,628 --> 00:57:02,213 You're a smart, confident woman. 1325 00:57:02,547 --> 00:57:04,006 Any guy would be lucky to date you. 1326 00:57:04,131 --> 00:57:05,800 [Edna chuckles] Touché. 1327 00:57:06,592 --> 00:57:07,593 [both laugh] 1328 00:57:09,262 --> 00:57:12,348 [upbeat music] 1329 00:57:19,397 --> 00:57:20,398 [door opens] 1330 00:57:20,481 --> 00:57:21,482 So I said, 1331 00:57:21,649 --> 00:57:23,025 "How about a little notice." 1332 00:57:23,401 --> 00:57:25,236 -What a concept. -I know, right? 1333 00:57:30,575 --> 00:57:31,576 Excuse me. 1334 00:57:33,786 --> 00:57:35,955 I noticed you came out from Lewis, Brown and Anderson. 1335 00:57:36,163 --> 00:57:37,957 -Yeah? -Do you know Matt Flannery? 1336 00:57:38,249 --> 00:57:39,625 -I work for him. -You do? 1337 00:57:39,834 --> 00:57:40,835 Yeah, why? 1338 00:57:40,877 --> 00:57:43,045 I met him the other day and he asked me out. 1339 00:57:45,173 --> 00:57:46,841 -He asked you out? -Yeah. 1340 00:57:47,049 --> 00:57:49,135 -I don't think so, honey. -What do you mean? 1341 00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,346 -Matt's happily married. -With three kids. 1342 00:57:53,181 --> 00:57:56,225 [fast-paced music] 1343 00:58:00,271 --> 00:58:03,232 [Steve laughs] How do you know the guy was married? 1344 00:58:03,316 --> 00:58:04,609 I talked to his secretary. 1345 00:58:05,276 --> 00:58:06,360 Damn, you're good. 1346 00:58:06,527 --> 00:58:08,404 Yeah? And Matt's a scumbag. 1347 00:58:09,572 --> 00:58:10,573 Huh. 1348 00:58:10,865 --> 00:58:11,866 What? 1349 00:58:12,033 --> 00:58:13,701 Come on, you gotta give this guy some props, right? 1350 00:58:13,784 --> 00:58:14,869 It's quite the scam he pulled off. 1351 00:58:14,952 --> 00:58:16,704 I'd like to give him something, but it ain't props. 1352 00:58:16,787 --> 00:58:18,539 Well, you know what? Old Eddie would have been impressed. 1353 00:58:18,623 --> 00:58:21,000 Yeah, well, new Eddie would like to kick old Eddie's ass. 1354 00:58:21,042 --> 00:58:23,961 Yeah? I'd put my money on old Eddie, cause new Eddie seems a little gay. 1355 00:58:25,505 --> 00:58:26,589 You're an idiot. 1356 00:58:27,715 --> 00:58:28,716 I know. 1357 00:58:30,218 --> 00:58:31,219 [sighs] 1358 00:58:33,846 --> 00:58:34,847 This is complicated. 1359 00:58:34,931 --> 00:58:37,975 [fast-paced music] 1360 00:58:45,191 --> 00:58:48,194 [music fades] 1361 00:58:51,864 --> 00:58:52,865 Oh, Edna! 1362 00:58:52,949 --> 00:58:54,909 Hi, Jess, you made it. 1363 00:58:55,034 --> 00:58:56,202 Thanks for inviting me. 1364 00:58:56,702 --> 00:58:58,704 -And for the backstage pass. -Sure. 1365 00:58:59,747 --> 00:59:00,748 Did you come alone? 1366 00:59:01,415 --> 00:59:04,669 Yeah, I invited Matt, but he, uhh, he had to go out of town for work. 1367 00:59:04,919 --> 00:59:06,045 -Really? -Yeah. 1368 00:59:06,546 --> 00:59:08,422 OK, you're all set. You should report to the staging area. 1369 00:59:08,506 --> 00:59:09,507 OK, thanks. 1370 00:59:09,757 --> 00:59:12,426 Edna, I have to tell you, Matt is such a great guy. 1371 00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:13,886 After we got done at the shelter 1372 00:59:13,970 --> 00:59:16,472 he took me for a ride on his motorcycle. 1373 00:59:17,223 --> 00:59:19,559 And then, after dinner, we stopped by his boat for a nightcap. 1374 00:59:19,642 --> 00:59:20,643 He has a boat? 1375 00:59:20,935 --> 00:59:22,937 Well, actually Matt says it's called a sloop 1376 00:59:23,271 --> 00:59:24,522 because it has three masts. 1377 00:59:24,647 --> 00:59:25,731 Damn, he's good. 1378 00:59:26,274 --> 00:59:27,275 Well, I wouldn't know that. 1379 00:59:27,316 --> 00:59:29,193 I have this rule, no sex until the third date. 1380 00:59:29,569 --> 00:59:32,113 But, I will say he is a very good kisser. [chuckles] 1381 00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,073 OK, listen, I need to tell you something, Jess. 1382 00:59:34,574 --> 00:59:35,575 What is it? 1383 00:59:36,617 --> 00:59:37,827 OK, how do I put this? 1384 00:59:38,119 --> 00:59:39,120 Just say it. 1385 00:59:39,453 --> 00:59:41,080 Matt is, umm... 1386 00:59:41,706 --> 00:59:42,707 Yeah? 1387 00:59:42,832 --> 00:59:43,833 married. 1388 00:59:44,625 --> 00:59:46,627 -You're wrong. -I spoke to his secretary. 1389 00:59:47,420 --> 00:59:48,546 Why are you doing this? 1390 00:59:48,629 --> 00:59:49,922 To protect you, Jess. 1391 00:59:50,214 --> 00:59:52,717 You deserve to be with someone who really cares about you. 1392 00:59:52,884 --> 00:59:54,343 Not someone who's running a scam. 1393 00:59:54,927 --> 00:59:56,137 I knew it! You're a lesbian! 1394 00:59:56,262 --> 00:59:59,015 What? No, I'm not a lesbian. 1395 00:59:59,348 --> 01:00:01,434 I am just a man trapped in a woman's body. 1396 01:00:01,475 --> 01:00:02,476 What? 1397 01:00:03,144 --> 01:00:05,938 Look, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but the thing is... 1398 01:00:06,731 --> 01:00:08,191 I ran into a homeless woman the other day. 1399 01:00:08,482 --> 01:00:09,650 She asked me to kiss her. 1400 01:00:10,484 --> 01:00:13,029 Said it would prove that I could see the beauty in all women. 1401 01:00:13,571 --> 01:00:16,199 I refused. The next day I wake up, I am no longer Eddie. 1402 01:00:16,365 --> 01:00:17,366 I am Edna. 1403 01:00:18,159 --> 01:00:19,452 And so, I need to find her. 1404 01:00:19,493 --> 01:00:20,661 Because all I can figure is, 1405 01:00:20,703 --> 01:00:22,538 you know, she's put some kind of spell on me. 1406 01:00:22,997 --> 01:00:24,081 And so, once I find her 1407 01:00:24,123 --> 01:00:26,167 she can change me back into being Eddie. 1408 01:00:28,961 --> 01:00:30,338 Come on, say something. 1409 01:00:31,547 --> 01:00:33,216 I don't ever want to see you again. 1410 01:00:34,008 --> 01:00:36,511 -What? -Don't call me, don't 1411 01:00:36,719 --> 01:00:38,763 text me, don't just stop by and see me! 1412 01:00:39,096 --> 01:00:40,473 You're a sick, sick person! 1413 01:00:41,098 --> 01:00:42,517 Just, leave me alone. 1414 01:00:43,559 --> 01:00:44,644 Jess, come back! 1415 01:00:44,810 --> 01:00:47,897 [melancholic music] 1416 01:00:53,945 --> 01:00:56,989 [sobbing] [music continues] 1417 01:01:06,415 --> 01:01:07,416 [screams] 1418 01:01:11,504 --> 01:01:14,549 [music continues] [bottles clinking] 1419 01:01:22,014 --> 01:01:25,017 [music fades] 1420 01:01:28,688 --> 01:01:29,689 The thing is, 1421 01:01:29,856 --> 01:01:32,316 ever since the show I haven't been able to control my emotions. 1422 01:01:32,775 --> 01:01:35,194 Like, someone cuts me off, I bawl my eyes out. 1423 01:01:36,404 --> 01:01:39,031 Ketchup spills on my shirt, I bawl my eyes out. 1424 01:01:39,824 --> 01:01:40,867 That's messed up. 1425 01:01:41,659 --> 01:01:45,079 I'd rather be a little bit emotional than a cold, heartless bastard like you. 1426 01:01:46,539 --> 01:01:47,540 Ouch. 1427 01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:49,041 Oh shit. 1428 01:01:49,292 --> 01:01:50,293 I'm sorry. 1429 01:01:50,710 --> 01:01:51,794 That's all right. 1430 01:01:52,336 --> 01:01:53,588 I was born out of wedlock. 1431 01:01:54,422 --> 01:01:56,716 I mean, I know I've been hurting over Jess, but this... 1432 01:01:57,341 --> 01:01:58,759 this feels like more than that. 1433 01:01:59,260 --> 01:02:00,928 Hey, maybe it's your female hormones. 1434 01:02:02,346 --> 01:02:03,347 Yeah, maybe. 1435 01:02:03,806 --> 01:02:05,016 Well, hey, look. It's still early. 1436 01:02:05,099 --> 01:02:06,767 What do you say we go out, hit a club or something? 1437 01:02:07,143 --> 01:02:08,853 While I'm an emotional wreck? 1438 01:02:09,353 --> 01:02:11,689 How self-centered can you be, Steve? 1439 01:02:12,523 --> 01:02:13,524 I mean... what? 1440 01:02:14,483 --> 01:02:15,484 What? 1441 01:02:16,152 --> 01:02:17,778 You'd think we're fucking already or something. 1442 01:02:22,158 --> 01:02:23,159 [sighs] 1443 01:02:28,164 --> 01:02:29,457 [sighs] 1444 01:02:31,709 --> 01:02:33,336 -Shit, I did it again. -Uhuh. 1445 01:02:34,462 --> 01:02:36,047 [sighs] I really have a problem. 1446 01:02:36,506 --> 01:02:37,507 Yeah? 1447 01:02:37,590 --> 01:02:38,591 Well... 1448 01:02:38,633 --> 01:02:41,594 My best friend has turned into a really hot chick 1449 01:02:41,677 --> 01:02:44,013 and every night I've been having sex dreams about him. 1450 01:02:44,722 --> 01:02:45,973 [laughs] Her. 1451 01:02:46,807 --> 01:02:48,893 See, you're not the only one with problems here, pal. 1452 01:02:49,810 --> 01:02:51,103 I'm sorry, I didn't know. 1453 01:02:51,729 --> 01:02:53,523 Yeah, well, I'm not too proud of that one. 1454 01:02:53,856 --> 01:02:54,857 [sighs] Right. 1455 01:02:56,859 --> 01:02:58,861 Come on, Eddie, let's just change the subject. 1456 01:02:58,945 --> 01:02:59,946 Yeah. 1457 01:03:00,029 --> 01:03:02,198 Do me a favor, pass me the controls, maybe there's a game on or something. 1458 01:03:05,535 --> 01:03:06,536 [sighs] 1459 01:03:06,869 --> 01:03:08,120 [TV playing] 1460 01:03:08,829 --> 01:03:10,331 -You know what? -What? 1461 01:03:11,249 --> 01:03:12,834 -Let's do it. -Do what? 1462 01:03:13,584 --> 01:03:15,169 Like, let's do it. 1463 01:03:15,211 --> 01:03:16,212 [sputters] 1464 01:03:18,381 --> 01:03:20,758 -Are you fucking serious? -Yes, I'm fucking serious. 1465 01:03:21,050 --> 01:03:24,512 I mean, I should really take my female equipment out on a test drive. 1466 01:03:25,012 --> 01:03:26,848 And who better to lose my virginity to 1467 01:03:27,014 --> 01:03:28,975 -than my best friend? -Because I can drive! 1468 01:03:30,059 --> 01:03:32,728 I can drive. And you are serious. You are serious, right? 1469 01:03:32,812 --> 01:03:35,273 I'm as serious as pink on a pregnancy test. 1470 01:03:35,356 --> 01:03:36,482 OK, that's great! 1471 01:03:36,858 --> 01:03:38,734 That is great. That is so sweet. 1472 01:03:39,193 --> 01:03:41,028 Don't be fucking with me, cause if you're fucking with me... 1473 01:03:41,487 --> 01:03:42,864 Mate, I'm being serious. 1474 01:03:43,239 --> 01:03:44,282 I'm gonna go and freshen up. 1475 01:03:44,657 --> 01:03:45,658 Afterward... 1476 01:03:45,992 --> 01:03:46,993 me and you... 1477 01:03:47,243 --> 01:03:48,244 are gonna do the nasty. 1478 01:03:48,744 --> 01:03:49,829 I love the nasty. 1479 01:03:49,912 --> 01:03:51,247 [upbeat music] 1480 01:03:51,330 --> 01:03:52,456 I love the nasty. 1481 01:03:53,332 --> 01:03:55,209 Wait a minute. You do have a vagina, right? 1482 01:03:55,751 --> 01:03:56,919 -Yes. -Good. 1483 01:03:57,086 --> 01:03:58,087 Important. 1484 01:03:58,504 --> 01:04:00,548 For the old in and outie. [whistles] 1485 01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:03,885 [music continues] 1486 01:04:08,347 --> 01:04:09,348 [sighs] 1487 01:04:12,602 --> 01:04:13,603 [sighs] 1488 01:04:13,686 --> 01:04:14,687 OK, umm... 1489 01:04:15,146 --> 01:04:16,939 You, like, make yourself comfortable. 1490 01:04:18,441 --> 01:04:19,442 I'll be right back. 1491 01:04:19,525 --> 01:04:22,528 [music continues] 1492 01:04:30,244 --> 01:04:31,245 [slap] 1493 01:04:34,707 --> 01:04:37,752 [farting] 1494 01:04:42,256 --> 01:04:43,257 Ugh. 1495 01:04:47,053 --> 01:04:48,763 -[Edna screams] -[Steve shouts] 1496 01:04:51,891 --> 01:04:52,892 What's wrong? 1497 01:04:56,312 --> 01:04:57,313 You OK? 1498 01:05:00,942 --> 01:05:03,194 Oh! What the fuck? What... 1499 01:05:03,402 --> 01:05:05,071 what, what, what did you do? 1500 01:05:05,279 --> 01:05:06,489 I think I'm dying! 1501 01:05:06,531 --> 01:05:08,032 There's so much blood, Eddie! 1502 01:05:08,282 --> 01:05:09,742 Call 911! 1503 01:05:10,117 --> 01:05:12,662 [grunting] [vomiting] 1504 01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:15,164 Hey. Hey, excuse me. 1505 01:05:15,748 --> 01:05:16,749 Thanks for the tampon. 1506 01:05:17,166 --> 01:05:19,418 [emergency sirens] 1507 01:05:24,841 --> 01:05:25,842 [sighs] 1508 01:05:27,176 --> 01:05:29,262 -Well, that was embarrassing. -Yes. 1509 01:05:30,221 --> 01:05:31,222 Yes, it was. 1510 01:05:31,514 --> 01:05:34,225 -Umm... thanks for the... -No problem. 1511 01:05:34,767 --> 01:05:35,726 No problem. 1512 01:05:36,811 --> 01:05:37,812 OK. 1513 01:05:38,521 --> 01:05:39,522 OK. 1514 01:05:41,274 --> 01:05:42,900 So you know that thing that we were gonna do-- 1515 01:05:42,984 --> 01:05:44,819 Don't worry about that. Do not... 1516 01:05:45,236 --> 01:05:46,445 worry about that. I am... 1517 01:05:46,529 --> 01:05:49,198 I, I, I will not be having any more of those kind of dreams. 1518 01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:50,241 [chuckles] Right. 1519 01:05:50,324 --> 01:05:52,034 Yeah. I'm, uhh... 1520 01:05:53,578 --> 01:05:54,787 I'm totally cured. 1521 01:05:55,371 --> 01:05:56,372 I get it. 1522 01:05:57,373 --> 01:05:59,417 Yeah, I'll tell you what, I should get going. 1523 01:05:59,625 --> 01:06:01,043 Got to get back to the office. I've got to... 1524 01:06:01,627 --> 01:06:02,628 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1525 01:06:04,005 --> 01:06:05,298 I'll, uhh... I'll uhh... 1526 01:06:05,506 --> 01:06:07,466 I'll, I'll talk to you later. 1527 01:06:08,551 --> 01:06:10,761 -See you later, Steve. -I'm good. I'll see you. 1528 01:06:11,387 --> 01:06:14,390 [upbeat music continues] 1529 01:06:15,975 --> 01:06:17,685 Oh, wait. Do I have something on my face? 1530 01:06:17,935 --> 01:06:18,936 I'll see you. 1531 01:06:19,020 --> 01:06:22,023 [music continues] 1532 01:06:25,109 --> 01:06:28,446 Look, how many times do I have to tell you? I don't do full-frontal. 1533 01:06:29,405 --> 01:06:30,948 What? How much does it pay? 1534 01:06:31,699 --> 01:06:32,742 Oh yeah. I'm in. 1535 01:06:33,284 --> 01:06:34,285 Call me back. 1536 01:06:34,577 --> 01:06:35,578 Can I help you? 1537 01:06:35,620 --> 01:06:37,955 Yeah, I'll have a small latte, and uhh... 1538 01:06:38,164 --> 01:06:39,874 let me get whatever the young lady here would like. 1539 01:06:39,957 --> 01:06:40,958 No thanks. 1540 01:06:41,042 --> 01:06:43,878 I insist. I'm trying to live my life by paying it forward. 1541 01:06:44,212 --> 01:06:46,797 OK, that's great and all, but I'd rather just pay for my own drink. 1542 01:06:47,465 --> 01:06:48,466 Come on, babe. 1543 01:06:48,633 --> 01:06:49,800 It would really make my day. 1544 01:06:50,218 --> 01:06:51,844 OK, look, I know what you're doing. 1545 01:06:52,386 --> 01:06:53,804 I used to be just like you. 1546 01:06:54,222 --> 01:06:55,932 So trust me when I say, scamming women 1547 01:06:55,973 --> 01:06:58,935 to get them into bed is a shallow, meaningless way to live. 1548 01:06:59,227 --> 01:07:00,269 At the end of the day 1549 01:07:00,478 --> 01:07:01,938 it's love that really matters. 1550 01:07:02,188 --> 01:07:03,189 Uhuh. 1551 01:07:03,523 --> 01:07:04,524 You go, girl. 1552 01:07:04,982 --> 01:07:06,859 [musical flash] I'll be damned... 1553 01:07:08,319 --> 01:07:09,320 Dude... 1554 01:07:09,779 --> 01:07:10,780 you just dodged a bullet. 1555 01:07:11,489 --> 01:07:12,615 Chick is hiding a banana. 1556 01:07:14,033 --> 01:07:15,826 She's got, balls. 1557 01:07:15,910 --> 01:07:18,913 [fast-paced music] 1558 01:07:37,765 --> 01:07:40,810 [music fades] 1559 01:07:42,562 --> 01:07:44,272 -Wow. -I know, right? 1560 01:07:44,981 --> 01:07:46,566 It's a little different to your first two books. 1561 01:07:46,858 --> 01:07:48,568 Well, I mean, I'm a little different. 1562 01:07:48,609 --> 01:07:49,610 True. 1563 01:07:50,736 --> 01:07:52,822 -True. -So, what do you think? 1564 01:07:53,197 --> 01:07:55,283 I don't know, Eddie. I don't know, I mean... 1565 01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:57,660 all this stuff about intimacy 1566 01:07:57,743 --> 01:07:59,245 respect, romance... 1567 01:07:59,453 --> 01:08:02,665 I mean, come on. You really think sex is better between two people who are in love? 1568 01:08:03,291 --> 01:08:04,542 Yeah. I do. 1569 01:08:06,252 --> 01:08:07,253 Hm. 1570 01:08:08,296 --> 01:08:09,547 Love is the answer, pal. 1571 01:08:13,134 --> 01:08:14,594 Your ass is the answer, Eddie. 1572 01:08:15,178 --> 01:08:16,846 Edna. God, I gotta stop. 1573 01:08:16,888 --> 01:08:19,932 [fast-paced music continues] 1574 01:08:29,734 --> 01:08:31,569 [mystical sound] 1575 01:08:32,195 --> 01:08:33,196 Hey! 1576 01:08:34,322 --> 01:08:36,699 You don't respect elders, do you? 1577 01:08:37,074 --> 01:08:38,117 [coins clink] 1578 01:08:38,159 --> 01:08:39,160 Fuck off. 1579 01:08:39,243 --> 01:08:40,369 You... [music continues] 1580 01:08:42,371 --> 01:08:44,040 [mystical sound] 1581 01:08:46,959 --> 01:08:49,712 [music fades] 1582 01:08:57,261 --> 01:08:58,262 [grunts] 1583 01:09:01,557 --> 01:09:03,226 [yawns] Yeah. 1584 01:09:04,018 --> 01:09:05,061 [urine spraying] 1585 01:09:05,811 --> 01:09:08,731 Oh! Shit! Shit! Shit! 1586 01:09:09,273 --> 01:09:10,775 [laughs] Shit! 1587 01:09:11,192 --> 01:09:14,570 Shit! Shit! [laughs] 1588 01:09:14,904 --> 01:09:17,156 [laughs] Yeah! 1589 01:09:17,281 --> 01:09:19,116 Fuck, yes! 1590 01:09:19,450 --> 01:09:20,743 Yes! Phone! 1591 01:09:21,035 --> 01:09:22,036 Phone. 1592 01:09:22,662 --> 01:09:23,955 Phone. Come on. 1593 01:09:24,497 --> 01:09:25,790 OK, OK. 1594 01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:28,167 [upbeat music] 1595 01:09:28,417 --> 01:09:29,585 Steve! It's Eddie. 1596 01:09:29,877 --> 01:09:30,920 Listen to me, it's Eddie. 1597 01:09:30,962 --> 01:09:32,547 I'm back, man. I'm back! 1598 01:09:32,964 --> 01:09:34,173 Fuck yes! 1599 01:09:34,215 --> 01:09:37,260 [music continues] 1600 01:09:42,473 --> 01:09:44,308 [music fades] 1601 01:09:45,476 --> 01:09:48,521 [tender music] 1602 01:09:55,862 --> 01:09:58,322 I think Chapter Seven, you'll really like it. 1603 01:09:58,573 --> 01:09:59,574 [woman] Next. 1604 01:09:59,615 --> 01:10:00,616 All right. Bye. 1605 01:10:02,326 --> 01:10:03,703 -Hello. -Hi. 1606 01:10:05,246 --> 01:10:07,957 Can I just say, you are the perfect man. 1607 01:10:08,374 --> 01:10:10,668 Well, that's very kind of you, but I am... 1608 01:10:10,877 --> 01:10:12,086 far from perfect. 1609 01:10:12,378 --> 01:10:15,089 I don't know. You understand and respect women. 1610 01:10:15,756 --> 01:10:17,341 Plus, you're so damn handsome. 1611 01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:20,511 [chuckles] That's very kind of you. Thank you very much. 1612 01:10:21,179 --> 01:10:22,597 I appreciate that. I do. 1613 01:10:23,139 --> 01:10:24,140 Thank you. 1614 01:10:24,599 --> 01:10:25,600 Thank you. 1615 01:10:25,975 --> 01:10:27,810 Thank you. Steve Burns, I'm his agent. 1616 01:10:28,978 --> 01:10:30,897 -I always introduce myself. -Next. 1617 01:10:32,398 --> 01:10:33,399 -Hi. -Hi. 1618 01:10:34,650 --> 01:10:35,651 Right here. 1619 01:10:36,444 --> 01:10:38,529 You really liked it? That was good. 1620 01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:40,448 Here he is. Hey, pal. 1621 01:10:40,573 --> 01:10:41,574 Hey, buddy. 1622 01:10:41,657 --> 01:10:43,618 Hey, listen. We've got to get going. We've got a... 1623 01:10:43,951 --> 01:10:47,121 dinner reservation tonight to celebrate our six-month anniversary, actually. 1624 01:10:47,205 --> 01:10:48,873 -Six months already? -Yeah. 1625 01:10:49,165 --> 01:10:51,042 -Wow, congrats. -Thank you. 1626 01:10:51,501 --> 01:10:53,586 Are you sure you won't let me set you up with my roommate? 1627 01:10:53,628 --> 01:10:55,796 Yeah... no, no... 1628 01:10:56,589 --> 01:10:57,965 I really think you'd hit it off. 1629 01:10:58,007 --> 01:10:59,759 [chuckles] 1630 01:10:59,842 --> 01:11:01,802 I appreciate the offer, but no, thank you. 1631 01:11:02,512 --> 01:11:04,180 All right, if you change your mind, let us know? 1632 01:11:04,222 --> 01:11:05,389 -Will do. -OK? 1633 01:11:05,473 --> 01:11:06,766 -Go on. -If you change your mind. 1634 01:11:06,891 --> 01:11:08,726 -If I change my mind. Have fun. -See you, pal. 1635 01:11:08,768 --> 01:11:09,769 See ya. 1636 01:11:09,852 --> 01:11:12,855 [tender music] 1637 01:11:14,440 --> 01:11:17,235 [emotional music] 1638 01:11:17,568 --> 01:11:18,528 Eddie. 1639 01:11:19,820 --> 01:11:20,821 Jess. 1640 01:11:22,031 --> 01:11:23,699 -Hi. -Hi. 1641 01:11:24,951 --> 01:11:26,494 Wow, you look amazing. 1642 01:11:26,786 --> 01:11:28,412 Oh. Thanks. 1643 01:11:30,581 --> 01:11:31,707 So, umm... 1644 01:11:32,583 --> 01:11:33,960 Uhh... 1645 01:11:34,418 --> 01:11:36,087 -Read your book. -You did? 1646 01:11:36,462 --> 01:11:37,463 Uhuh. 1647 01:11:37,880 --> 01:11:39,882 -I really liked it. -I'm glad. 1648 01:11:41,926 --> 01:11:43,135 You dedicated it to me. 1649 01:11:43,553 --> 01:11:44,554 Yeah. 1650 01:11:44,887 --> 01:11:47,348 Well, you know, you played a big role in helping me change. 1651 01:11:49,016 --> 01:11:50,476 Yeah. About that. 1652 01:11:51,602 --> 01:11:52,603 So... 1653 01:11:52,812 --> 01:11:54,814 you and Edna... 1654 01:11:54,856 --> 01:11:55,940 One and the same. 1655 01:11:56,983 --> 01:11:57,984 Oh. 1656 01:11:58,234 --> 01:11:59,694 -Wow. -Crazy, huh? 1657 01:12:00,570 --> 01:12:01,571 Yes... 1658 01:12:02,864 --> 01:12:03,865 and no. 1659 01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:06,534 You know, I've got an idea. 1660 01:12:07,785 --> 01:12:10,079 Why don't we start this thing all over? 1661 01:12:10,580 --> 01:12:11,581 [clears throat] 1662 01:12:12,623 --> 01:12:13,624 Hello. 1663 01:12:13,708 --> 01:12:14,709 I'm Eddie Greenleaf. 1664 01:12:15,042 --> 01:12:16,544 -Jess White. -Jess White? 1665 01:12:16,752 --> 01:12:17,753 -Uhuh. -Wow. 1666 01:12:18,504 --> 01:12:19,547 So are you seeing anyone? 1667 01:12:20,339 --> 01:12:21,340 Uh, no. 1668 01:12:21,757 --> 01:12:24,260 Not since I discovered the last guy I was dating was married. 1669 01:12:24,510 --> 01:12:25,970 -I'm sorry to hear that. -Yeah. 1670 01:12:26,554 --> 01:12:28,556 A friend tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen. 1671 01:12:29,098 --> 01:12:30,766 In fact, I was really mean to her. 1672 01:12:31,767 --> 01:12:32,977 You know, I think she forgives you. 1673 01:12:36,397 --> 01:12:38,608 So, how about you? Are you... 1674 01:12:39,817 --> 01:12:40,818 seeing anyone? 1675 01:12:40,985 --> 01:12:41,986 Actually... 1676 01:12:42,570 --> 01:12:45,656 I kind of fell in love for the first time in my life last year. 1677 01:12:47,533 --> 01:12:48,534 You did? 1678 01:12:48,784 --> 01:12:49,785 Yeah. 1679 01:12:49,952 --> 01:12:52,288 The timing, though, it wasn't right, unfortunately. 1680 01:12:53,998 --> 01:12:54,999 Well... 1681 01:12:55,249 --> 01:12:56,876 maybe you should give it another shot. 1682 01:12:58,002 --> 01:13:00,046 I was just thinking exactly the same thing. 1683 01:13:02,006 --> 01:13:03,090 So, can I buy you a latte? 1684 01:13:03,674 --> 01:13:04,926 -I'd really like that. -Yeah? 1685 01:13:05,009 --> 01:13:06,886 -Yeah. -Let's get out of here then. 1686 01:13:06,969 --> 01:13:09,972 [fast-paced music] 1687 01:13:16,270 --> 01:13:19,315 [upbeat music] 1688 01:13:31,494 --> 01:13:32,495 [crew chattering] 1689 01:13:33,287 --> 01:13:34,288 [crew] Mark. 1690 01:13:35,581 --> 01:13:36,832 -You had the book signing. -Uhuh. 1691 01:13:36,916 --> 01:13:37,917 The release party. 1692 01:13:38,125 --> 01:13:40,753 -Sex with a homeless model-- Oh fuck, a homeless model. -[woman laughs] 1693 01:13:41,462 --> 01:13:43,214 [indistinct chattering] 1694 01:13:43,923 --> 01:13:44,882 [indistinct chattering] 1695 01:13:45,633 --> 01:13:47,593 [laughs] 1696 01:13:47,969 --> 01:13:49,512 I love the homeless kind of look. 1697 01:13:49,595 --> 01:13:50,596 It's just, you know... 1698 01:13:50,638 --> 01:13:51,722 The book signing. 1699 01:13:51,973 --> 01:13:53,933 Sex with a homeless- Oh for fuck's sake! 1700 01:13:54,016 --> 01:13:55,351 That homeless woman's in my head. 1701 01:13:55,643 --> 01:13:56,936 Buddy, let me tell you something. 1702 01:13:56,978 --> 01:13:58,437 I'm, I'm starving, ok. 1703 01:13:58,813 --> 01:14:00,106 This may be harder than I thought. 1704 01:14:01,858 --> 01:14:03,985 OK, we might have to go back to [indistinct] 1705 01:14:04,360 --> 01:14:05,820 [door rattling] 1706 01:14:06,279 --> 01:14:07,280 Knock, knock! 1707 01:14:07,488 --> 01:14:10,533 [music continues] 1708 01:14:16,038 --> 01:14:18,082 [together] This is where you find your beaver buzzers 1709 01:14:18,165 --> 01:14:21,669 magic wands, pussy punchers, hamburger helpers and wacky wobblers. 1710 01:14:22,128 --> 01:14:24,255 Personally, I like the butterfly. 1711 01:14:25,548 --> 01:14:26,549 Fuck. 1712 01:14:26,924 --> 01:14:30,011 [music continues] 1713 01:14:48,821 --> 01:14:49,947 -Well? -This stuff is good. 1714 01:14:50,031 --> 01:14:51,240 -Not bad, right? -Yeah, what is it? 1715 01:14:51,407 --> 01:14:52,909 -[pronounces] Bocelios. -Hmm. 1716 01:14:53,326 --> 01:14:54,327 [crew pronounces] Dos celios. 1717 01:14:54,368 --> 01:14:55,661 This stuff's good. What is it? 1718 01:14:55,870 --> 01:14:57,163 [pronounces] Dos selios. 1719 01:14:58,664 --> 01:14:59,957 This stuff is good. 1720 01:15:00,082 --> 01:15:01,083 What is it? 1721 01:15:02,835 --> 01:15:03,836 [both laugh] 1722 01:15:04,378 --> 01:15:07,423 [music continues] 1723 01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:12,011 [sighs] The thing is... 1724 01:15:13,304 --> 01:15:14,639 Oh. For fuck's sake. 1725 01:15:14,931 --> 01:15:16,474 Yes, I'm fucking serious. 1726 01:15:16,682 --> 01:15:19,352 I mean, I really should take my female equipment out with... 1727 01:15:19,936 --> 01:15:21,270 -What am I doing? -[both laugh] 1728 01:15:23,105 --> 01:15:24,315 Hey, hey. Hey, excuse me. 1729 01:15:24,774 --> 01:15:27,151 Thanks for the cond-- Not the condom, fuck. 1730 01:15:27,443 --> 01:15:28,444 [all laugh] 1731 01:15:29,195 --> 01:15:32,198 [music continues] 1732 01:15:35,576 --> 01:15:36,577 [panting] 1733 01:15:37,203 --> 01:15:38,204 Come on. 1734 01:15:40,164 --> 01:15:41,165 OK. 1735 01:15:42,375 --> 01:15:43,376 Eddie! 1736 01:15:43,751 --> 01:15:45,336 No, I'm fucking Eddie. Fuck! 1737 01:15:45,378 --> 01:15:46,379 Back. 1738 01:15:46,754 --> 01:15:47,755 [crew laugh] 1739 01:15:47,964 --> 01:15:49,674 Make yourself comfortable and I'll... 1740 01:15:51,342 --> 01:15:52,343 be right back. 1741 01:15:52,593 --> 01:15:55,555 [laughs] 1742 01:15:56,180 --> 01:15:57,640 Yes! [laughs] 1743 01:15:58,057 --> 01:16:01,102 [music continues] 1744 01:16:04,397 --> 01:16:06,065 She must have put a spell on me. 1745 01:16:06,274 --> 01:16:07,942 That's the only thing that makes sense. 1746 01:16:08,568 --> 01:16:09,986 OK. So... 1747 01:16:10,528 --> 01:16:11,988 we're looking for this magical 1748 01:16:12,780 --> 01:16:14,574 mystery kind of homeless woman, right? 1749 01:16:14,866 --> 01:16:16,367 I mean, I don't know. I guess so. 1750 01:16:17,702 --> 01:16:18,703 OK. 1751 01:16:19,579 --> 01:16:20,621 Maybe she was a witch. 1752 01:16:20,872 --> 01:16:22,456 -A witch. -All right, did you see it yet? 1753 01:16:22,540 --> 01:16:23,541 Because the gig's up. 1754 01:16:23,583 --> 01:16:24,750 [crew laugh] 1755 01:16:25,126 --> 01:16:26,544 Can I ask you a question? 1756 01:16:27,336 --> 01:16:28,337 [laughs] 1757 01:16:28,504 --> 01:16:29,505 [both laugh] 1758 01:16:34,302 --> 01:16:35,303 [snorts] 1759 01:16:37,638 --> 01:16:38,639 I'm so sorry. 1760 01:16:39,515 --> 01:16:41,767 [beeping] 1761 01:16:41,851 --> 01:16:42,852 Not in. 1762 01:16:45,813 --> 01:16:46,814 Uhuh. 1763 01:16:48,107 --> 01:16:49,901 [crew laughing] 1764 01:16:49,984 --> 01:16:53,070 [ending music] 110771