Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:07,007
THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS
IS MEETING THIS WEEK,
2
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,009
AND UPPER MANAGEMENT
WANTS TO PRESENT A NEW IDEA
3
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,644
ON HOW TO INCREASE
PRODUCTIVITY.
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,479
SOMETHING IMPRESSIVE THAT WILL
RAZZLE‐DAZZLE THEM.
5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,049
SHOULD I GET TO WORK
ON A MUSICAL NUMBER?
6
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,885
♪ IF YOUR PROFITS‐‐ ♪
7
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:20,854
AND CURTAIN.
8
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:22,856
(Ted) WHEN THE BOARD'S IN TOWN,
THE COMPANY ALWAYS TRIES
9
00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:25,425
TO FIND WAYS
TO GET PEOPLE TO WORK HARDER.
10
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,364
FROM A JAPANESE GAME SHOW.
AAH!
11
00:00:31,397 --> 00:00:34,267
(inaudible dialogue)
12
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,703
HE'S COMING.
QUICK, LET'S GO LIGHT
THE CANDLES.
13
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:41,041
THEY EVEN TRIED PUMPING EXTRA
OXYGEN INTO THE BUILDING.
(lighter clicks)
14
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:42,609
OH!
15
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,678
SO WHAT'S IN THE FUN BAG
THIS TIME?
16
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,580
ONE OF THE EXECUTIVES
TAKES HIS DAUGHTERS
17
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,682
TO A GAME ARCADE,
AND WHEN THEY WIN,
18
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,885
THEY GET TICKETS,
WHICH THEY TRADE IN FOR PRIZES.
19
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:54,454
EVEN THOUGH THE PRIZES ARE
WORTHLESS, THE LITTLE GIRLS
20
00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:57,558
WORK THEMSELVES INTO A PSYCHOTIC
FRENZY TRYING TO WIN THEM.
SO WE'RE REPLACING
OUR DEPARTMENT
21
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,259
WITH PSYCHOTIC LITTLE GIRLS?
22
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:01,795
THAT WAS DISCUSSED,
BUT INSTEAD,
23
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:05,465
WE'RE GOING TO REWARD HARD WORK
BY GIVING PEOPLE TICKETS.
FOR WORTHLESS PRIZES?
24
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:07,267
YOU HAVE AN IMPRESSIVE HANDLE
ON THIS.
25
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:08,602
THAT MUST BE WHY
THEY PICKED YOU
26
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,571
TO RUN THE PROGRAM
FOR OUR DEPARTMENT.
27
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,139
CONGRATULATIONS.
28
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:15,141
OH, NO.
RITCHIE IN NANOSCIENCE
29
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:17,243
WROTE A MESSAGE
IN OUR PETRI DISHES AGAIN.
30
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:19,880
DAMN HIM AND HIS SUPER‐DUPER
TEENY, TINY NANO‐PEN.
31
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,281
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
32
00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:24,150
"I RUBBED...
SEE NEXT PETRI DISH."
33
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,318
(groans)
34
00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:28,388
"MY DUDE BERRIES ON YOUR..."
UGH.
35
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:30,390
ON OUR WHAT?
LUNCH BOXES? DOORKNOBS?
36
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:33,126
THE BACK OF OUR KNEES?
LET ME SEE.
37
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:35,095
"MICROSCOPE EYEPIECE."
38
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:36,396
OH!
39
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,264
OH! MY EYES!
40
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,901
HEY, WHAT'S UP,
JUNK LOVERS?
41
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,770
YOUR EYES ENJOYING
MY MAN‐GERINES?
42
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,271
(laughs)
43
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:48,609
WHAT IS IT ABOUT US
THAT INVITES RIDICULE?
44
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,243
I DON'T KNOW.
45
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,012
WE INVENT NEAT STUFF,
WE'RE DELIGHTFUL,
46
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:55,015
AND YET NO ONE RESPECTS US,
NOT EVEN THAT CAFETERIA LADY
47
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,349
WITH THAT HIDEOUS
TONGUE BIRTHMARK
48
00:01:56,382 --> 00:01:59,185
THAT LOOKS LIKE A SMALLER
AND MORE HIDEOUS TONGUE.
49
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:01,087
YOU KNOW,
WE NEED TO FIND A WAY
50
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,524
TO GET RITCHIE AND EVERYONE ELSE
TO RESPECT US,
51
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,159
TO SHOW THEM THAT WE'RE
A QUASI‐AWESOME FORCE OF NATURE.
52
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:08,294
LIKE A TORNADO,
53
00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:12,533
BUT ONE THAT STAYS OUT OF TOWN
SO NO ONE GETS HURT.
54
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,334
AND I'M THE IDIOT
THAT HAS TO
55
00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:16,202
EVALUATE EVERYONE'S WORK
AND HAND OUT PRIZE TICKETS.
56
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,371
ONCE AGAIN, I REGRET
NOT DOUBLE MAJORING
57
00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:19,773
IN BUSINESS AND CARNY WORK
58
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,342
LIKE MY CONJOINED TWIN
STOCK BROKERS.
59
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,678
HAVE SOME PUDDING.
60
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,446
MMM. BETTER.
61
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,515
MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS,
62
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,016
"THERE'S NOTHING IN THE WORLD
PUDDING CAN'T CURE."
63
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,452
EXCEPT FOR MY DAD'S OBESITY,
64
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:36,156
WHICH IT'S MADE
EXPONENTIALLY WORSE.
OH, YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE
IN YOUR HAIR.
65
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,058
HMM. ARE WE
INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?
66
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,994
UH, NO. LINDA HAD PUDDING
IN HER HAIR.
WE HELP EACH OTHER OUT.
67
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:44,397
YESTERDAY TED HAD
A TURKEY DINNER ON HIS HEAD.
68
00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:47,067
SO IS IT TRUE?
WE'RE GONNA GET
69
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,635
AWESOME VERIDIAN MERCHANDISE
IF WE WORK HARD?
70
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,737
YEAH,
LET'S GO WITH "AWESOME."
71
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:52,405
AND I'LL BE AWARDING TICKETS.
72
00:02:52,438 --> 00:02:55,008
I'M GONNA SAVE UP
FOR A MISSILE LAUNCHER.
73
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,177
I HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH CROWS IN MY YARD.
AH.
74
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:59,245
ACTUALLY, THE GIFTS
ARE MORE LIKE A SWEATSHIRT
75
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,981
OR A CD PLAYER.
76
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,916
MAYBE A CROW FEEDER
FOR LINDA'S LAWN.
77
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:07,353
YEAH, WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS,
"CROWS, GO GET OTHER CROWS."
BUT CROWS ARE IMPERVIOUS
TO SARCASM.
78
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:09,422
DO YOU HAVE A SIGN THAT SAYS,
"STAY AWAY CROWS"?
79
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:11,725
WE DO. WE HAVE ONE, BUT IT WAS
PAINTED BY PICASSO,
80
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:15,361
SO IT COSTS
A MILLION TICKETS.
(laughs)
81
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:18,431
YOU GUYS THINK YOU'RE SO COOL
WITH YOUR INSIDE JOKES.
82
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:19,933
WE'VE GOT INSIDE JOKES, TOO.
83
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:22,368
HEY, SUSAN.
REMEMBER THE GREEN HAT?
NO.
84
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,004
DAMN YOU, SUSAN.
85
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:27,073
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
I GOT 30 TICKETS.
I ONLY GOT 20.
86
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:28,374
I GOT 23.
87
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,410
SORRY, SHEILA,
BUT I DID.
88
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:33,880
GEE, I WONDER WHY LINDA GOT
SO MANY MORE TICKETS THAN US.
89
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,749
I WONDER WHY.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, SHEILA?
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
90
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:41,121
I'M SAYING YOU'RE SLEEPING
WITH TED.
WHAT?
I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH TED.
91
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,123
AND IF I WERE, THIS ENVELOPE
WOULD BE MUCH BIGGER.
92
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:48,762
IT TAKES MORE THAN 30 TICKETS
TO RIDE THIS ROLLER COASTER.
93
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,363
HEY‐O! BOSS IN THE HOUSE.
94
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,598
EVERYBODY PUT YOUR PANTS
BACK ON.
95
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,534
ZING‐BANG, SIR.
(laughs) YES, I KNOW.
96
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,602
SO WITH THE BOARD MEETING
THIS WEEK,
97
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:58,404
OUR FORMER C. E. O. ARTHUR WELLS
IS IN TOWN.
98
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,440
ARTHUR WELLS?
THAT MAN IS A LEGEND.
99
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:02,275
WASN'T HE BEHIND VERIDIAN
ACQUIRING OWNERSHIP
100
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:04,277
OF THE AFRICAN COUNTRY OF CHAD
101
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,213
AND THEN RENAMING IT
AFTER HIS NEPHEW CHAD?
102
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,915
IN HIS DAY, HE WAS A GENIUS,
103
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,117
BUT NOW HE'S AN OLD,
HORRIBLE PAIN IN THE ASS.
104
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:15,321
REALLY, I CAN'T SAY
ENOUGH BAD THINGS ABOUT HIM.
105
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,422
WE CAN'T HAVE ARTHUR
WANDERING AROUND THE BUILDING
106
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,224
STIRRING UP TROUBLE.
107
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,127
SO I WANT YOU TO BABYSIT HIM
WHILE HE'S HERE.
108
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:25,165
STICK WITH HIM. DON'T LET HIM
OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.
GEE, CHET. I'M FLATTERED
YOU WOULD COME TO ME WITH THIS,
109
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,499
BUT MY PLATE IS SO FULL
THIS WEEK.
110
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:29,870
(chuckles) OH, I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THAT.
111
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,610
YOU MUST BE ARTHUR WELLS.
112
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,612
I RECOGNIZE YOU
FROM THE EFFIGIES
113
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,814
THEY BURN OF YOU IN CHAD.
114
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:43,917
AH, FOUND IT.
I'M TAKING YOUR SWIPE CARD.
115
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,419
AND...
116
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,354
I ALSO NEED YOUR HELP.
117
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:51,357
I DON'T KNOW. I'LL NEED TO HEAR
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
118
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,827
BEFORE I CAN TELL YOU
TO GO TO HELL.
119
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,930
THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS IS GONNA
TRY TO VOTE ME OUT THIS WEEK,
120
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,464
BUT I'VE GOT
AN INSURANCE POLICY
121
00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:02,002
THAT'S GONNA KEEP THAT
FROM HAPPENING.
THIS IS A RECEIPT
122
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:05,338
FROM THE AIRPORT BAR
FOR SEVEN SCOTCHES.
DRINKING KEEPS ME WARM
AND APPROACHABLE.
123
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:08,474
OH, HERE. IT'S A MAP.
124
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,376
MY MENTOR,
WHO RAN THIS PLACE BEFORE ME,
125
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,445
LEFT IT TO ME IN HIS WILL.
126
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,381
IT LEADS TO PAPERS HE HID
YEARS AGO IN THIS BUILDING,
127
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,951
PAPERS THAT CONTAIN SECRETS
128
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,621
THAT COULD BRING
THIS WHOLE COMPANY DOWN.
129
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,123
AND WHILE WE'RE SEARCHING
FOR CURLY'S GOLD,
130
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,225
WE CAN LOOK AROUND
FOR WHERE YOU LOST YOUR MIND.
131
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,361
OH, THE PAPERS ARE HERE.
BUT SINCE I LEFT,
132
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,464
THIS BUILDING'S BEEN REDESIGNED
MORE TIMES THAN MY WIFE'S FACE.
133
00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:34,835
SO I NEED YOUR HELP
TO FIND MY WAY AROUND.
AH, NOW I CAN SAY IT.
GO TO HELL.
134
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,470
I COULD WANDER AROUND
BY MYSELF.
135
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,239
BUT WHO KNOWS
WHAT KIND OF MISCHIEF
136
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,975
A CRAZY OLD MAN LIKE ME
COULD GET INTO.
137
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,811
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE LESSONS
OF "MR. MAGOO"?
138
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,680
I WISH YOU WERE A CARTOON.
139
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,682
THEN I COULD SAY
"YABBA‐DABBA‐DO,"
140
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:51,752
AND THAT CREATURE FROM "E. T."
WOULD ATTACK YOU.
141
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,821
I DIDN'T WATCH
A LOT OF CARTOONS.
142
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,724
SO... HERE'S SOMETHING
KIND OF INTERESTING.
143
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,392
PEOPLE IN THE OFFICE
144
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:01,528
THINK YOU'RE DUNKIN'
YOUR DOUGHNUT IN MY COFFEE.
145
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:05,365
WHAT? BUT THAT‐‐THAT'S CRAZY.
PLUS, WHY AM I THE DOUGHNUT?
146
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:08,368
I DON'T KNOW, BUT APPARENTLY
I'M THE HOT CUP OF SEX
147
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:11,538
YOU DIP YOUR
STRANGELY CIRCULAR STUFF INTO.
WHY WOULD PEOPLE THINK
WE'RE HAVING SEX?
148
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,840
YOU GAVE ME EXTRA TICKETS.
WE JOKED ABOUT CROWS.
149
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:17,010
YOU TOUCHED MY HAIR.
BUT THIS IS HORRIBLE.
150
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,912
HORRIBLE?
151
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,615
ARE YOU SAYING THE IDEA OF
SLEEPING WITH ME IS HORRIBLE?
152
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:25,285
NO, I'M NOT SAYING
YOU'RE REPULSIVE.
WHOA! WHERE DID "REPULSIVE"
COME FROM?
153
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,920
ALL I'M SAYING IS,
IF PEOPLE THINK
154
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,922
THAT I'M SLEEPING WITH YOU,
THAT UNDERMINES MY CREDIBILITY
155
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,557
AS AN EXECUTIVE.
156
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,626
SO I'M BAD
FOR YOUR PRECIOUS CAREER.
157
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,095
THIS IS THE FROSTY SCOOP
ALL OVER AGAIN.
158
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,097
AND YOU'RE DERRICK SPOONER,
THE NIGHT MANAGER.
159
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:41,535
YOU MULLET‐WEARING,
MOON‐WALKING BASTARD.
AT THE RISK OF TAKING
DERRICK SPOONER'S SIDE,
160
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,604
YOUR AFFAIR WITH HIM
PROBABLY TOOK HIS CAREER
161
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,305
A FEW SLIDING STEPS BACKWARDS
162
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,908
WHILE APPEARING
TO MOVE FORWARD.
ACTUALLY,
I WAS THE BEST THING
163
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:48,975
THAT EVER HAPPENED
TO DERRICK SPOONER
164
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,744
UNTIL HE FROZE TO DEATH
IN THE COOLER
165
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:54,380
WHILE HE WAS GETTING HIGH.
I AM A BOSS. I NEED PEOPLE
TO THINK THAT I'M IMPARTIAL.
166
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,651
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STAY AWAY
FROM EACH OTHER FOR A WHILE,
167
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:01,087
LET THE WHOLE SEX THING DIE OUT.
IT WORKED FOR MY PARENTS.
168
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:04,090
FINE. LET'S JUST STAY AWAY
FROM EACH OTHER, TED.
169
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,592
RIGHT NOW, I'M THINKING
THAT WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
170
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:15,235
TURNS OUT, PEOPLE REALLY LIKE
GETTING USELESS STUFF,
171
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,938
AND SO THE TICKET SYSTEM
CAUGHT ON IMMEDIATELY.
172
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:21,307
OKAY, YOU KNOW HOW WE'RE LOOKING
TO GET A LITTLE RESPECT?
173
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,510
WHAT IF WE GOT THAT MARIONETTE
AND PUT ON
174
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,746
AN AWESOME,
KICK‐ASS PUPPET SHOW?
WITH ONE MARIONETTE?
175
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,280
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
176
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:30,483
HAL HOLBROOK
AS MARK TWAIN.
177
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:32,919
YOU MEAN WE DRESS UP
THE MARIONETTE AS HAL HOLBROOK
178
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,488
DOING MARK TWAIN?
NO, THE MARIONETTE'S
NOT IN IT ANYMORE.
179
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,490
WE GET HAL HOLBROOK
TO COME TO VERIDIAN
180
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,660
AND DO MARK TWAIN.
I'M STILL NOT SEEING IT.
181
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:43,697
OKAY, WHAT IF WE STAGE A FIGHT
WHERE WE BEAT UP HAL HOLBROOK?
182
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,699
AS MARK TWAIN?
NO, MARK TWAIN'S
NOT IN IT ANYMORE.
183
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:48,301
I DON'T KNOW.
YEAH, MAYBE THERE'S
NOTHING THERE.
184
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:51,872
HEY. WHAT IF WE GET THESE
VERIDIAN DYNAMICS BELT BUCKLES?
185
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,307
THEY'D EARN US SOME RESPECT.
186
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,677
IT'D BE LIKE HAVING A ROLEX
HOLDING UP YOUR PANTS.
187
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,145
THEY COST 200 TICKETS.
TED ONLY GAVE US 20
188
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,281
FOR OUR PRESENTATION
ON PLANETARY RESOURCES
189
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,283
EVEN THOUGH WE TALKED
FOR TEN MINUTES
190
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,619
ABOUT MINING URANUS
WITHOUT GIGGLING.
191
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:06,987
(giggles) I KNOW.
192
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,289
YOU CAN'T FIND HYDROCARBONS
ON A GAS PLANET.
193
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,991
(laughs) I KNOW.
(laughs)
194
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,993
SO NOW I'M STUCK LEADING
195
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,895
THIS WALKING LIVER SPOT
AROUND THE BUILDING
196
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:18,198
TRYING TO READ
THIS INDECIPHERABLE,
197
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,833
BOOZE‐SOAKED MAP AND...
198
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:27,173
ARE YOU PETTING ME?
I AM MOVING YOUR HAIR
OUT OF YOUR EYES.
199
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,309
IT'S SOMETHING I DO
FOR EVERYBODY.
200
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,744
MY HAIR'S IN A BUN.
201
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:32,846
IT CAN'T GET IN MY EYES
UNLESS YOU SCALP ME
202
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:35,248
AND THROW THE WHOLE WORKS
BACK IN MY FACE.
203
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:38,985
(lowered voice) PEOPLE THINK
I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH LINDA
204
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,888
BECAUSE I GROOMED HER
IN PUBLIC.
HMM. I'D JUDGE YOU,
BUT I'M ON A TREASURE HUNT.
205
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,991
OH, HE'S OUT OF THE BATHROOM
AND ON THE MOVE.
206
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,894
HERE I GO, MAKING GOOD USE
OF MY STANFORD EDUCATION.
207
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,696
TED.
208
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:52,398
I TRADED MY TICKETS
FOR THIS SWEATSHIRT,
209
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,734
BUT IT'S TOO TIGHT.
210
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,503
I HAVE A BIT OF A BOSOM.
I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.
211
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:58,772
SO TAKE IT BACK, LONNIE.
THEY SAID NO EXCHANGES.
212
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,774
YOU'RE THE SWAG MASTER, TED.
HELP ME.
213
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:03,777
WELL, I'D LIKE TO, BUT THAT
WOULD BE SPECIAL TREATMENT,
214
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,980
AND I DON'T GIVE
SPECIAL TREATMENT TO ANYBODY.
215
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,887
I SEE
WHERE THIS IS GOING, TED,
216
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,590
AND I'M NOT GIVING YOU
A FIRM NO.
217
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:19,693
I WILL TAKE THAT
AS A FIRM NO.
218
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,529
THIS TICKET THING
IS CIRCLING THE DRAIN.
219
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,631
SWAG!
220
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,633
SEE, THIS IS
THE KIND OF CRAZINESS
221
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,802
I WOULD NORMALLY TALK
TO LINDA ABOUT.
222
00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:38,912
(beeping)
223
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:44,918
SORRY, SPOONER.
DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
224
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,720
SHE'S MAD AT ME.
225
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,722
BUT I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING.
226
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:52,058
SHE'LL GET OVER IT. RIGHT?
227
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,660
I SAW RITCHIE
AT THE SWAG STATION
228
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,929
LOOKING AT OUR VERIDIAN
DYNAMICS BELT BUCKLES.
229
00:09:55,962 --> 00:10:00,133
WHAT IF HE GETS ONE FIRST?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WE STILL NEED 180 TICKETS.
230
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,269
MM. ACTUALLY, WE NEED 190.
I SPENT 10 ON HILLBILLY TEETH.
231
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,138
YOU WHAT?
232
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,373
OH, HOW CAN I BE MAD AT YOU?
233
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,779
IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY
TO GET MORE TICKETS NOW
234
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,681
SO THAT WE COULD BE THE FIRST
ONE TO GET THOSE BUCKLES.
235
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:18,318
WHAT IF WE PRINTED UP
A BUNCH OF FAKE TICKETS?
236
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:20,654
THEN WHEN WE EARN
THE REAL ONES,
237
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,288
WE TEAR THOSE ONES UP.
238
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,290
IT WOULD BE LIKE
GIVING OURSELVES A LOAN.
239
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,092
AND BORROWING
AGAINST THE FUTURE
240
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,928
IS WHAT BUILT THIS COUNTRY.
241
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,130
IT'S TRUE, PHIL.
242
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:33,099
THAT'S WHAT MADE OUR ECONOMY
THE ENVY OF THE WORLD.
MM‐HMM.
243
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,269
HERE ARE 400 TICKETS. YOU CAN
COUNTERFEIT 'EM. IT'S EASY.
244
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,271
I MEAN, YOU CAN COUNT 'EM.
IT'S EASY.
245
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,106
IT'S NOT EASY TO
COUNTERFEIT 'EM.
246
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,608
IT TAKES HOURS.
247
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:43,644
I MEAN, IT WOULD HAVE
IF WE DID,
248
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,680
WHICH WE DID...
NOT DO.
249
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:48,782
HI.
THESE TICKETS ARE REAL,
250
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,951
AND WE'D LIKE
TWO BELT BUCKLES.
251
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:54,555
WOW. I'M SO IMPRESSED. YOU GUYS
HAVE SO MANY TICKETS.
252
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:58,224
I DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH
TO GET THIS BABY TEE.
253
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,226
I BET SHE'D RESPECT
A COUPLE OF FELLAS
254
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,663
WHO COULD GIVE HER
SOME TICKETS.
255
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:05,666
LET'S PRINT MORE TICKETS.
LET'S PRINT THEM ALL.
256
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,873
(electricity crackles)
257
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:14,808
IF WE GO DOWN ANY DEEPER
IN THIS BUILDING,
258
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,010
WE'LL COME UP IN THE BASEMENT
OF OUR HONG KONG OFFICE.
259
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:20,146
DEAR GOD! YOU'VE SAID
THAT JOKE SIX TIMES.
260
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,815
THIS IS OUR LAST SUBBASEMENT.
261
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,851
IF YOUR MAKE‐BELIEVE TREASURE
IS ANYPLACE IN THIS BUILDING,
262
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,319
WHICH IT ISN'T,
263
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,655
WE'LL FIND IT HERE,
WHICH WE WON'T.
264
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:33,159
TWO CINDER BLOCKS WEST,
FOUR UP FROM THE FLOOR.
265
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,929
(taps on block)
266
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:38,164
IT'S HOLLOW.
THERE'S SOMETHING BACK HERE.
267
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,534
REALLY? LET ME SEE.
268
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,735
OH!
269
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:45,672
OH, MY GOD.
I FOUND IT.
270
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:47,941
I'M BUILDING YOU A CAR
THAT RUNS ON SALTWATER,
271
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,711
AND ALL I GET
IS A LOUSY 15 TICKETS?
JIMMY, ALL YOU'VE SHOWN ME
272
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,879
IS A TOY CAR,
A CUP OF SALTWATER
273
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:56,049
AND SOME TRANSPARENTLY
DESPERATE CONFIDENCE.
(voice breaks) IT'LL WORK.
274
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:59,085
YEAH, THAT.
HEY, TED,
THIS YO‐YO DOESN'T GLOW.
275
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:01,622
WHAT KIND OF CRAP
ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?
276
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:04,791
IT HAS TO BE DARK, LONNIE.
277
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:12,465
THIS TICKET THING
IS OUT OF CONTROL.
278
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:15,736
LONNIE IS MAD BECAUSE HIS YO‐YO
DOESN'T GLOW IN THE LIGHT.
279
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,271
A‐AND PATRICIA'S MAD BECAUSE
SHE EXPECTED HER SEA‐MONKEYS
280
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:21,474
TO BE READING A NEWSPAPER
AND RIDING A BIKE,
281
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,610
BUT THE WHOLE THING'S
JUST MURKY WATER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TO ME.
282
00:12:23,644 --> 00:12:27,280
PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU LOVE
THE HIDEOUS GIRL.
I DID NOT CALL YOU HIDEOUS.
I CALLED YOU REPULSIVE.
283
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,449
AND I DIDN'T
CALL YOU REPULSIVE EITHER.
284
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,619
BESIDES, NOBODY'S WATCHING.
WE CAN TALK.
SORRY, TED.
285
00:12:32,653 --> 00:12:34,788
YOU LOST THE RIGHT TO TALK TO ME
WHEN YOU DECIDED YOU CARE MORE
286
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:37,223
ABOUT WHAT THE PEOPLE
IN THE OFFICE THINK
287
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,226
THAN YOU DO ABOUT
OUR FRIENDSHIP.
I CARE ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP.
I C‐‐I‐‐AHEM.
288
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,228
THERE IS THAT TEA
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.
289
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,765
MM. HERBAL.
290
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,233
DOES THAT LOOK MEAN
YOU WANT TEA?
291
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,335
LOOK, LINDA. I REALLY
MISS TALKING TO YOU.
292
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,972
POOR TED.
WHY DON'T YOU SMOKE THAT TEA,
293
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,374
CLIMB INTO THAT FREEZER
AND PULL A FULL‐ON SPOONER?
294
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:02,983
CHECK IT OUT.
295
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,250
BAM.
296
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,485
PULL. BAM.
297
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,888
YE‐HAW.
HOLD THE ELEVATOR.
298
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,659
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, BUDDY.
299
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:17,964
THANKS FOR THE TICKETS.
300
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,633
YOU GUYS ROCK.
301
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:20,867
HOW YOU FEELIN', MY FRIEND?
302
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:21,768
FEELIN' HUGE.
303
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:22,969
RESPECT, BABY.
304
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,370
THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'.
305
00:13:28,509 --> 00:13:30,511
THERE ARE DOCUMENTS IN HERE.
306
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:33,980
OKAY, HERE'S
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
307
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,883
FIRST, I'M GONNA APOLOGIZE
FOR CALLING YOU CRAZY.
308
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,620
SECOND, I'M GONNA TURN THESE
DAMAGING COMPANY SECRETS
309
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:43,323
OVER TO MY BOSS SO I'LL BE
A HERO FOR SAVING THE COMPANY.
310
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,058
AND THIRD, IF YOU'RE NICE,
311
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:47,528
I'LL HELP YOU FIND YOUR WAY
OUT OF THE BASEMENT.
IF I MAY RESPOND?
312
00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:48,995
HMM?
313
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:52,733
♪
314
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,668
(grunts)
315
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,404
OH!
316
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,241
(panting)
(grunting)
317
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,380
OH! (grunts)
318
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,815
(grunts)
319
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:11,885
♪
320
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,587
OH!
321
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,921
(grunts)
322
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,892
I ONCE GOT IN A FIGHT
323
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:20,326
AT A CUT‐YOUR‐OWN
CHRISTMAS TREE LOT,
324
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,598
SO I KNOW HOW TO USE THIS,
AND I MADE MY OWN END TABLE.
325
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,734
♪
326
00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:30,504
YAH! HA HA HA!
YOU'RE STUCK, PRINCESS.
327
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,839
FELIZ NAVIDAD, BUTT MUNCH.
328
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,408
(sawing)
329
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:39,279
♪
330
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,854
(exhales deeply)
SAWING IS HARD.
331
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,422
SO IS HOLDING UP WOOD.
332
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,257
ALL RIGHT, NEW IDEA.
333
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,794
OH!
(wood clatters)
334
00:14:53,827 --> 00:14:57,097
♪
335
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,102
OKAY, WHAT IF WE BREAK UP?
336
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,871
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WE'LL SPREAD A RUMOR
THAT WE BROKE UP.
337
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,273
AND THEN WHEN OUR PRETEND
RELATIONSHIP'S OVER,
338
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,577
WE CAN BE FRIENDS AGAIN.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. IN FACT,
IT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA,
339
00:15:10,611 --> 00:15:13,714
WHY WAIT FOR A RUMOR TO SPREAD?
YOU NO‐GOOD LOUSE!
340
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,049
OH, DEAR.
THAT'S RIGHT, CRISP.
341
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,384
I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU
RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.
342
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,954
WELL, THEN IT'S OVER. BYE.
343
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:24,390
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?
ACTUALLY I SAID "BYE"
NOT "WHY".
344
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,292
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
BECAUSE YOU'RE SELFISH.
345
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,929
EVERYTHING IS ABOUT
YOUR CAREER,
346
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:31,665
YOUR JOB, YOUR... HAIR.
347
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,500
THEN AFTER YOU NEGLECT ME, YOU
REALIZE HOW SPECTACULAR I AM,
348
00:15:34,535 --> 00:15:37,070
AND YOU TRY TO MAKE IT UP
WITH GIFTS.
349
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,739
OH, THE GIFTS.
350
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,174
GEE, I SOUND LIKE A MONSTER.
351
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:43,810
THE JEWELRY, FLOWERS,
CLOTHES, CATTLE.
352
00:15:43,844 --> 00:15:44,978
CATTLE?
353
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,681
YES, CATTLE.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
354
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,183
UH, THEY LOOKED SMALLER
IN THE CATALOG?
355
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:54,020
WELL, THEY WERE HUGE.
AND YOU AND I ARE THROUGH.
356
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,656
(employees murmuring)
357
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:57,190
POOR TED.
358
00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:58,859
POOR, SAD TED.
359
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:00,026
HERE'S A HUNDRED TICKETS.
360
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,995
BUY YOURSELF
A LITTLE PICK‐ME‐UP.
361
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,097
WAIT. WHERE'D YOU GE
THESE TICKETS?
362
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,833
YOUR WORK SUCKS.
363
00:16:06,867 --> 00:16:11,371
MY NAME IS MARK TWAIN,
AND I AM MADE OF WOOD.
364
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,473
I WANT TO BE A REAL BOY.
365
00:16:13,507 --> 00:16:15,108
LET ME KNOW
366
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:18,044
WHEN YOU'RE OPEN TO
SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
367
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:22,849
I NEED TEN TICKETS. I'LL PAY
FOR 'EM WITH THIS PIE.
368
00:16:22,883 --> 00:16:25,619
OH!
OH! YOU COME IN HERE
AND TALK TO US LIKE THIS?
369
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,621
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED PIE.
WE DO LIKE PIE, RITCHIE.
370
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,190
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WE LIKE?
RESPECT.
371
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,225
WE'RE NOT SELLING TICKETS.
372
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,628
NOW IF YOU COME TO US
AS A FRIEND...
373
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,230
THEN TICKETS
WILL RAIN DOWN ON YOU.
374
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:40,066
THEN MAY I GIVE YOU
THIS PIE AS A FRIEND?
375
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,235
I LOVE THIS GUY.
NICE.
376
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:45,305
HEY, TED. WHOA!
LOOK AT ALL THESE TICKETS.
377
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,541
WE THINK RITCHIE
IS COUNTERFEITING THEM.
378
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:50,343
SCREW YOU GUYS.
(chuckles)
379
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:52,412
CAN YOU BELIEVE
WHAT THAT GUY DID?
380
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,981
IT WAS US.
ALL US.
381
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,482
I'M TAKING AWAY
YOUR PUPPET
382
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:59,185
BECAUSE I WANT YOU
TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.
383
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,822
NOT THE PUPPET, TED.
YES, THE PUPPET.
384
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,389
(sighs)
385
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,993
THIS HAS TO HURT
OR YOU'LL NEVER LEARN.
386
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:10,096
(whimpers)
HE DID YOU A FAVOR.
THAT SHOW WAS GOING NOWHERE.
387
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:17,237
WHEN DID YOU SAY
YOUR MENTOR HID THESE?
388
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,939
1962.
389
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:21,575
WELL, HE WAS REALLY SITTING
ON SOMETHING BACK THEN.
390
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,443
"SMOKING CAUSES CANCER"?
391
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:26,680
WHAT ELSE THEY GOT IN THERE,
EVE EATS APPLE?
392
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:30,116
THESE DOCUMENTS ARE USELESS,
ARTHUR.
393
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,552
AND NOW I GOT NOTHING
394
00:17:31,585 --> 00:17:34,387
TO KEEP THE BOARD
FROM VOTING ME OUT.
395
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:37,290
YOU KNOW THE HARDEST THING?
I STILL GET IDEAS.
396
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:40,226
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD WORK
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
397
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,229
I SEE A LOT OF OLDER PEOPLE
MALL WALKING.
398
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:44,264
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT PAYS.
399
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,232
YOU GIVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE
TO A PLACE,
400
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:49,770
AND THEN WHEN THEY'RE DONE WITH
YOU, THEY JUST TURN YOU OUT.
401
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:52,072
I HOPE THEY NEVER
DO THIS TO YOU.
402
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,146
I'M GONNA KILL
THE TICKET THING.
403
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,247
DO YOU CARE?
404
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,716
NO.
405
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:06,086
REALLY? 'CAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE
TAKING IT KIND OF HARD.
406
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,755
IT'S ARTHUR. THERE REALLY
WERE SECRET DOCUMENTS,
407
00:18:08,789 --> 00:18:11,291
BUT THEY TURNED OUT
TO BE WORTHLESS.
408
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,259
SO NOW THEY'RE GONNA
THROW HIM OFF THE BOARD.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU HATED HIM.
409
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:16,162
I DID, AND THEN
HE GRABBED ME BY THE ANKLES
410
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:19,165
AND ATTACKED ME WITH A PIECE
OF WOOD, AND EVERYTHING CHANGED.
411
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:22,002
HE'S GIVEN HIS LIFE
TO THIS PLACE, TED,
412
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,004
JUST LIKE I HAVE.
413
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:26,940
MAN, I KICKED HIM HARD
IN THE BALLS.
(knock on door)
414
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,342
VERONICA, TED,
I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU
415
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:31,177
FOR KEEPING AN EYE ON ARTHUR.
416
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,815
HE'S IN THE BOARDROOM RIGHT NOW.
WE'RE ABOUT TO VOTE HIM OUT.
417
00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:37,417
ACTUALLY, BEFORE YOU MOVE
ON ARTHUR, SIR,
418
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,085
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
HE FOUND SOME DOCUMENTS,
419
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:40,153
AND IF YOU VOTE HIM OFF
THE BOARD,
420
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:43,423
HE'LL EXPOSE
THE COMPANY'S WORST SECRET.
421
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:46,292
THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M SAYING THAT.
422
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,262
WAIT A MINUTE.
HE FOUND OUT THE... THING?
423
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:53,166
YES. HE KNOWS
ALL ABOUT THE THING.
424
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,802
OH, GOD.
IF HE KNOWS ABOUT THE THING,
425
00:18:55,836 --> 00:18:57,838
HE MUST ALSO KNOW ABOUT
THE OTHER THING,
426
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:01,174
WHICH WOULD RUIN THE THING
WE ALL LIVE ON.
427
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,442
APPARENTLY SO, SIR.
428
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,646
I THINK HE EVEN KNOWS
ABOUT THE STUFF.
429
00:19:05,679 --> 00:19:08,348
OH, THAT'S OKAY.
EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT THE STUFF.
430
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:12,052
BUT THE THING,
THAT'S GOING TO BE A PROBLEM.
431
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:15,188
WELL, I GUESS ARTHUR STAYS.
432
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:18,291
WELL, THAT WAS NICE,
WHAT YOU DID.
433
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,561
WELL, WHEN THE COMPANY DECIDES
IT'S MY TIME TO GO,
434
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:23,797
I JUST HOPE SOMEBODY
STANDS UP FOR ME.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
435
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,833
BY THEN, THE STUFF WILL HAVE
PROBABLY GOTTEN ALL OF US.
DON'T JOKE
ABOUT THE STUFF, TED.
436
00:19:26,867 --> 00:19:29,302
IT CAN TELL
AND IT DOESN'T LIKE IT.
437
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,705
THIS PLACE IS SCARY.
438
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:34,941
REALLY? I'M JUST
GETTING COMFORTABLE WITH IT.
439
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,879
(knock on door)
440
00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:45,652
SORRY I UNLOADED ON YOU
WHEN WE BROKE UP.
441
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:48,555
WELL, I HAD IT COMING. I KIND OF
FREAKED OUT WHEN YOU SAID
442
00:19:48,589 --> 00:19:52,258
THAT EVERYONE THOUGHT
WE WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER.
YOU KIND OF DID.
443
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:55,361
FOR THE RECORD, IF WE WERE IN
A REAL RELATIONSHIP,
444
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,731
I WOULDN'T CARE WHAT ANYONE
SAID ABOUT ANYTHING.
445
00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:00,333
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING WHAT I'M SAYING.
446
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:03,203
THAT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE. YOU HAVE
TO ACTUALLY SAY SOMETHING.
447
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,271
I MISSED YOU.
448
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:08,041
AND IF WE WERE
IN A RELATIONSHIP,
449
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,043
I WOULD WANT
EVERYONE TO KNOW.
450
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:11,945
I'D SCREAM IT
FROM A MOUNTAINTOP
451
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:14,447
OR WHATEVER THE STRAIGHT
EQUIVALENT OF THAT IS.
452
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,751
THERE IS NO STRAIGHT EQUIVALENT
FOR THAT.
453
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,721
AND I MISSED YOU, TOO.
454
00:20:20,754 --> 00:20:24,591
♪
455
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,136
(door opens)
456
00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:38,972
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US
WHAT "V. D." MEANT?
WHY?
457
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,479
SO WHAT DO WE THINK
OF TED AND LINDA KISSING?
458
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,381
I'M FOR IT. I LIKE IT WHEN
ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE KISS.
459
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,817
ME, TOO. I LIKE IT WHEN
ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE DO ANYTHING.
460
00:20:50,851 --> 00:20:52,619
I WAS ONCE KNOCKED OFF
MY ROLLER SKATES
461
00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:54,988
BY A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
DRIVING A BUS.
462
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:59,826
IT WAS VERY PLEASANT.
IT'S TOO BAD TED'S MAKING US
GET RID OF ALL THESE.
463
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:02,228
WE'RE JUST GONNA
SET THESE HERE
464
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,430
WHILE WE BOTH
GO TO THE BATHROOM.
465
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:08,334
WE JUST BOTH HAVE TO GO.
466
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:09,402
IT HAPPENS.
467
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:12,005
UNLESS TED'S WRONG
ABOUT HUMAN NATURE,
468
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:14,140
IN FIVE MINUTES, SO MANY TICKETS
WILL FLOOD THE SWAG COUNTER,
469
00:21:14,174 --> 00:21:16,409
THE WHOLE SYSTEM
WILL CRASH.
470
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:17,778
LOOK AT THAT.
471
00:21:17,811 --> 00:21:19,580
DISGUSTING.
472
00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:21,682
EXCEPT FOR THOSE TWO
ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE.
473
00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:24,117
YES, THAT PART
IS VERY PLEASANT.
474
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,418
HMM.
475
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,521
(employees
speaking indistinctly)
37235
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.