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1
00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:09,104
It's not always easy to know who you are...
2
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,143
and to be comfortable with that.
3
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,304
Like Alice- She still thinks she's 20.
4
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And Ernie- He thinks he's a gangsta.
5
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,653
And Linda-She thinks she and Veronica...
6
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,314
can talk about their personal lives
like girlfriends.
7
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:26,655
Hey, girlfriend. Veronica. Boss.
8
00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:28,887
Sir.
9
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,396
So, my boyfriend wants us to move in together.
10
00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:33,193
Why would he want us to move in together?
11
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,325
No. I mean, he wants me
to move in with him.
12
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:37,063
Then where am I supposed to live?
13
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,798
You're sabotaging this
conversation, aren't you?
14
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,705
- Just till we get to the meeting.
- I can get it done in that time.
15
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,243
So we've been back together for six
months. He's a really nice guy.
16
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:47,143
My cat loves his dog, and he has better
furniture than I do. Done!
17
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,585
Okay, fellas. Nerd it up.
18
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,644
We've been developing a new search engine...
19
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,690
and unlike language-based search engines...
20
00:00:57,757 --> 00:01:00,783
this face-matching technology
uses visual recognition.
21
00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,327
Less nerd, more English.
22
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,522
- You take an image of a person-
- Or a picture.
23
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:07,828
- And scan it into a computer-
- Or magic box.
24
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,597
I'm not embarrassed to say this is helping.
25
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:13,468
Now, once the photo,
like your corporate head shot...
26
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,667
is scanned-
27
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,370
the search engine
will find that face on every video...
28
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:21,209
or still image that's ever been uploaded
onto the Internet.
29
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:24,045
It can find the subject in a crowded stadium...
30
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,847
in the background of home movies,
security cameras, webcams.
31
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,117
It's like having eyes everywhere,
but not in a bad way...
32
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,988
like that time we spilled
that container full of eyes.
33
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:36,790
With this technology,
we have finally defeated privacy.
34
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:41,562
I just have to say, a technology like this
could have serious consequences.
35
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:45,661
I mean, we are opening up
a huge can of-Awesome.
36
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:51,837
Look at all those pictures.
This must be how a bee sees me.
37
00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:54,846
There you are in the background
of some fancy restaurant.
38
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:56,711
Looks like a man's getting sick.
39
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,775
The guy died, which is apparently
what you had to do at that place...
40
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,844
to get the waiter's attention.
41
00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:04,082
More. More, more.
42
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:07,058
Whoa. What's this?
43
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,722
Well, it looks like you on some kind
of stage with a... magician?
44
00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:16,262
Somebody must've taken this with a camera phone
and put it on the Internet...
45
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,327
perhaps for our pleasure.
46
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:26,170
Hey, everyone!
Linda's moving in with her boyfriend.
47
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:33,084
Unless your boyfriend is a half-naked magician...
48
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,520
I say we stay on the topic
of"What the hell is that?"
49
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:51,737
Boy, I cannot figure out this weather.
50
00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:53,829
I mean, I woke up, it looked like rain.
51
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:57,240
I get to work,
and you're a magician's assistant.
52
00:02:57,310 --> 00:03:00,768
What can I say? I love him, Ted.
53
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,407
- Who?
- Mordor.
54
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:06,543
- Is that the magician?
- His name is Mordor. What do you think?
55
00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:11,514
Eight months ago, I saw him performing
at a lounge off the Vegas Strip.
56
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:14,321
We shared an instant animal attraction.
57
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:17,830
He invited me up on stage, and I never left.
58
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:21,560
Boy, when you undo that bun,
you really undo that bun.
59
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:25,434
Now I fly to Vegas
every other weekend to perform.
60
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:28,167
For those two days,
I don't have to be in charge of anything.
61
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:30,209
It's a total release.
62
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,608
All I have to do is please the man I love...
63
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:36,740
and twice nightly lock him in a watertight drum,
which also pleases him.
64
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,114
You look like you could use a handkerchief.
65
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,119
Here, use mine.
66
00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:44,850
Okay. I will get it for you.
67
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:49,326
Look! It is never ending!
68
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:52,489
When will it end? Never?
69
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,595
I always dreaded this day would come...
70
00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:59,160
that people here would find out
about my other life.
71
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,970
Veronica, look. People are gonna have their fun
for the next couple days...
72
00:04:03,042 --> 00:04:06,808
and then something weird will happen, like
someone in the lab will invent carnivorous shoes...
73
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:08,870
and this whole thing will be old news.
74
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:11,644
Ta-da! It is ended!
75
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:15,886
I can't function here
if people know that twice a month...
76
00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:19,015
I put on half an ounce of spandex
and hide a dove in my-
77
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:24,326
- Let's just say it's not comfortable for me or the dove.
- Oh.
78
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:29,061
Anyway, it would undermine my authority,
so I've decided to quit the act.
79
00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:31,069
But what about... Odor?
80
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,037
It's Mordor.
81
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,041
Mordor the Unforgiving.
82
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,668
And I just hope he understands.
83
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:45,083
Our new search engine
had exposed Veronica's private life...
84
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,085
and it was about to change Phil's.
85
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:49,519
Oh, great.
Here's a video of me at the mini-mart...
86
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:52,114
buying my wife some tamp-you-know-whats.
87
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:54,659
Hey.
88
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:58,026
- Here's me in a cowboy outfit.
- No way!
89
00:04:58,097 --> 00:05:00,224
Looks like I'm on some kind of a ranch.
90
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,167
And there you are riding a bull at a rodeo.
91
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:07,070
This can't be me. Why would I be on a bull
without zinc on my nose?
92
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,074
Look at this.
93
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:12,134
"Byron McNertny wins eighth
bull riding competition. "
94
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:16,375
This isn't you. The search engine
found someone who looks exactly like you.
95
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:19,907
Oh, my God. This is amazing.
96
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,648
It's like looking
into some bizarre alternate universe...
97
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:27,182
where I can drive a bull and wear tall shoes
with throwing stars attached to them.
98
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:31,594
- Those are boots with spurs.
- Wild!
99
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,962
Here he is surrounded by women.
100
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:39,433
All my life, I thought my average looks
were holding me back.
101
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:44,101
How does this McNertny guy do all that
with the same ham hocks and chitlins?
102
00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:50,846
For most people, there's a gap between
who they'd like to be and who they really are.
103
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:54,375
But not me. Oh, I'm not bragging.
I just happen to know who I am.
104
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,615
Hey, Ted.
You're not seeing anyone right now, are you?
105
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,214
Nope. And I'm totally fine with that.
106
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,123
Hey, I heard you're moving in with Don.
107
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,059
I'm totally fine with that too.
108
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:06,098
Yes. I'm very happy,
and I want you to be happy.
109
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:08,326
So I'm setting you up with my friend Rebecca.
110
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,869
She's beautiful, and she's a veterinarian.
111
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,600
So when you meet her, if you start trembling
and pee on the floor, she'll be okay with it.
112
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:16,665
Well, that is my move.
113
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,211
I- I don't know if I want to meet anyone right now.
114
00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:21,405
I'm busy with work and with Rose.
115
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,506
My herb garden's finally come together. I've got-
116
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:28,145
Oh, Rebecca. How weird that you
would show up right at this moment.
117
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,655
So, coincidence, huh?
That's what you're going with?
118
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,784
You must be Ted. I'm Rebecca.
119
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,158
Setting me up with your friend.
That's happening, like, right now.
120
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,364
Apparently it is, Ted. Sorry about Linda.
121
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,093
She's as subtle as a Weimaraner.
122
00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:46,538
See, that's funny
because Weimaraners are high-strung dogs.
123
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:50,007
- Oh.
- And they're notorious for setting up their friends.
124
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,977
Sounds like they're the yentas
of the canine world.
125
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:58,873
Look what's going on here.
126
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:02,478
I did not major in chemistry,
but I know it when I see it.
127
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:06,321
You two should go out to dinner together.
How 'bout Friday night?
128
00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:09,225
I can watch Rose. Rose is his daughter.
129
00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:12,128
So, looks like we have two choices.
130
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,564
We go out Friday, or you put Linda to sleep.
131
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,498
I don't care about your problems.
132
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,441
Doing a magic act
and spending time with the man she loved...
133
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,501
had been Veronica's way to relieve stress.
134
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:30,845
Since that pressure wasn't being relieved,
it was coming out in other ways.
135
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,317
It started harmlessly.
136
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,211
But she needed more.
137
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,927
'Sup, V-ness? I got your mail on.
138
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:49,764
Looks like a shout-out
from the "C" to the "E" to the "O."
139
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,236
Finally, she found something that worked.
140
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,908
Ahh. There we go.
141
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:03,905
And for the next few days,
Veronica slapped her stress away.
142
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,110
I'll take some coffee.
Anything but Dutch blend.
143
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:08,278
Sorry. All we have is Dutch blend.
144
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:12,922
Maybe just a bagel.
145
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,517
Okay.
146
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:19,224
I checked your computer, Miss Palmer.
It can't be fixed.
147
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,301
How 'bout now?
148
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,938
So, people are not loving the slapping.
149
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,839
You think I like it?
Touching all those strange faces?
150
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:32,036
- It's gross.
- Plus, you could get fired.
151
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:34,136
I mean, it is a weird-ass thing to do.
152
00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:38,149
Yes, Ted. I know.
I shouldn't hit people on the staff.
153
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:40,208
I've been hearing that since grade school.
154
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,016
I think you need to look at
the bigger problem here.
155
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:46,081
Clearly, crawling around a stage on all fours
with a dove in your thong...
156
00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:48,092
has kept you from acting crazy.
157
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,651
First of all, you're way off
on how the trick is done.
158
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,994
Also, now that I've been exposed...
159
00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:57,092
I have to choose between my two lives,
and I'm choosing this one.
160
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,228
Veronica, you love Mordor.
You love working with him.
161
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:02,138
You can't just throw away a part of who you are.
162
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,177
You know I'm right.
163
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,807
- Don't do it.
- The hand wants what the hand wants.
164
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,476
Don't do it.
165
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:15,114
We're cool.
166
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,517
Luckily, Mordor was in town for a big show...
167
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:23,255
so I went to see him, hoping to get him
to call Veronica so they'd get back together.
168
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:26,628
I'm not talking to that woman. I've worked
for years to get a show in this town...
169
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:30,601
and then when I finally do,
she just disappears forever, like my first rabbit...
170
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,604
and my mom...
171
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,697
and everybody else
who's ever come into my life.
172
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:39,108
Look, Veronica needs you,
and I think you need her.
173
00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:42,807
- Yeah? What makes you so sure?
- Help! I'm trapped!
174
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:45,112
Save me with your magic!
175
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:47,118
There's a latch, remember?
176
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:51,154
Sorry, Kevin.
177
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:54,283
- It's Mordor.
- Oh.
178
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,591
Look, Veronica told me she loves you,
and she does not love easily.
179
00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:00,860
She is like a Portuguese water dog in that way.
180
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,561
Oh, I just met this cute veterinarian,
and she says things like that...
181
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:06,002
then has to explain it, like I am now.
182
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:10,133
I'm sorry. I won't call Veronica.
She sawed my heart in half!
183
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,769
And it wasn't one of those plastic hearts
that come in two pieces...
184
00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,836
in the kit with the pair of fake legs.
185
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:18,008
Damn it.
I keep telling people how my tricks are done.
186
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:27,718
I'm guessing that's not you eating sushi
off that naked woman...
187
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,125
and not just because you're allergic to mercury.
188
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:34,155
I figured it out.
What's been missing from my life is confidence.
189
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:38,033
That's the only thing keeping me
from being Byron McNertny.
190
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,095
- Well, then you're screwed.
- Or am I?
191
00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:43,335
I'm thinking confidence
may be one of those things...
192
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:46,640
people can't tell if you really have
or are just pretending to have...
193
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:49,237
like the female orgasm.
194
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:53,376
So you're saying by just acting confident,
you can McNertny-nize yourself?
195
00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:55,044
That is my theory.
196
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:57,715
Well, then as men of science,
let's put it to the test.
197
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,691
McNertny's always surrounded by women.
198
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,921
Let's see if, using nothing but confidence,
you can attract one.
199
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,657
But I'm married to a woman who seethes...
200
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,722
with both indifference and jealousy.
201
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,428
Y- You don't have to sex the female.
Just get her phone number.
202
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,598
You talked to Mordor?
203
00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:16,698
How did he look? Is he okay?
204
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:19,438
Did you touch his chest? It's so hard not to.
205
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,878
No. Linda's setting me up with a friend of hers...
206
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:24,040
so I think I'm gonna see where that goes first.
207
00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:27,745
Veronica, you left him right before
one of the biggest nights of his life.
208
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:31,379
- He'll be fine.
- Listen, he needs you.
209
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:35,587
Kristi, his new assistant, she thought
that abracadabra was a country in Europe.
210
00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:38,824
Kristi. The waitress from the lounge.
211
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,162
She's an idiot. She could get Mordor killed.
212
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:44,202
You have to be smart to be an assistant.
213
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,932
You have to be totally in sync
with your magician...
214
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:50,464
know when to pull the wire,
slip him the key, ice his nipples.
215
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,535
Well, after meeting Kristi...
216
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:56,445
looks like Mordor's gonna have to
pick a lock with flaccid nipples.
217
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:02,181
All right, damn it.
I'll do the show one last time.
218
00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:06,122
Only because I know how important it is
and I can't leave him hanging.
219
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,752
Well, occasionally, I leave him hanging,
but it's part of the act.
220
00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,758
Or sometimes foreplay.
221
00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:21,495
So, the number for the pizza place is on the fridge.
You know how to get in touch with me.
222
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:25,135
And don't let Rose on the computer.
She's grounded from the Internet.
223
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,645
Did you see some pictures you shouldn't have?
224
00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:30,147
- I bought a boat.
- Notjust any boat.
225
00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:33,276
It sleeps 12, and we're not keeping it.
226
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:37,049
Well, have fun, you two.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
227
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:40,490
- There's nothing I wouldn't do.
- I know. I was your roommate.
228
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,493
All right. You guys have fun.
229
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:45,121
- Good night.
- Good night!
230
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,958
So, why aren't you dating my dad?
231
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:53,368
Well, because it's complicated.
232
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,407
Sometimes grown-ups
find themselves at different places...
233
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:57,135
and they're not always open to the-
234
00:12:57,209 --> 00:13:01,703
Oh! I have a boyfriend. That's why.
I don't know why I spaced on that.
235
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:06,748
And while I was getting to know someone new...
236
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:09,185
Phil was trying to be someone new.
237
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,815
- Well, hello there.
- Hello.
238
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,984
Phil Mymen, scientist.
239
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,857
Two people behind you in the lunch line yesterday.
240
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:20,421
I trust you enjoyed your... applesauce?
241
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:23,662
It was fine. Apples and sauce.
What could be bad about that?
242
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,727
I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to correct you.
243
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,672
It's actually apples made into sauce.
244
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:32,905
So, phone numbers.
Those things are crazy, right?
245
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:35,071
- Mmm.
- Can I help you with something?
246
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,274
Maybe. Do you know her phone number?
247
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,340
Yeah. It's the same as mine.
248
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:43,081
Well, don't pick up when I call.
249
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,958
- And then what happened?
- She told the waiter it was my birthday.
250
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:53,362
- So they brought me a cake and they sang to me.
- Oh. So she's a liar.
251
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,229
I know what you're getting at, Rose.
252
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:59,237
- You want me to be with Linda, but it's not gonna happen.
- I have an opinion about that.
253
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,034
Well, it's not up to you, honey.
254
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,597
When you call the shots,
we end up buying boats.
255
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,610
A boat. One time.
256
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,476
$140,000.
257
00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:10,276
I think we're done here.
258
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:17,315
Good morning, Lem.
259
00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:20,153
Oh, my God! Women!
260
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:23,127
They think just because they're stronger,
they can get away with anything.
261
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,163
No. It wasn't a woman. It was her boyfriend.
262
00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,995
Men. They think just because they're stronger,
they can get a-
263
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,058
No, no. It was a good thing.
264
00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:33,298
He saw me as a threat. I'm a scientist, Lem.
265
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:36,773
I've been a threat to humanity,
the environment, even Jupiter once...
266
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:40,300
but never to a hot girl's boyfriend.
267
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,404
I have goose bumps.
268
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:46,508
It's like this is the beginning
of a whole new Phil.
269
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,645
Actually, no.
I looked down Byron McNertny Road...
270
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,781
and it leads straight to the emergency room.
271
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:54,655
No. I've decided I'm gonna stick with who I am.
272
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:58,094
W- Well, isn't there some sort of middle ground?
273
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,592
Nope.
274
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:07,899
- And then what happened?
- We had some free birthday cake and talked for a while.
275
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:11,033
- Can we go to lunch now?
- W-You don't seem very excited.
276
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,374
Let me just show you what you could have here.
277
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:15,436
We developed this search engine...
278
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:18,608
so I pulled together
a bunch of stuff on Ted for you to see.
279
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:21,448
- Here he is at the company picnic,
playing volleyball.
280
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,284
Look at his muscles when he serves.
281
00:15:24,356 --> 00:15:29,020
Oh! And in this one,
he's helping Rose onto a ride at Disneyland.
282
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:32,723
Look at his face- the way he looks at her.
283
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:35,824
So concerned and caring.
It just melts your heart.
284
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:39,064
Oh, my God. You're obsessed with Ted.
285
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:43,641
- That's ridiculous!
- Look at you.
286
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:46,473
You spend more time thinking about Ted
than you do your own boyfriend.
287
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:49,844
Well, maybe I could focus on my boyfriend
if someone would take Ted off the table.
288
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:53,544
Is that why you want me to go out with him-
to make him unavailable?
289
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,020
No.
290
00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:59,319
I just thought we'd make a great couple. You'd!
291
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:03,418
You'd make a great couple. Oh! Are we gonna
stay here all day, or are we gonna go eat lunch?
292
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,965
To help the man she loves,
Veronica decided to do one last show.
293
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:11,264
I'm here to support her.
She doesn't want to get nervous...
294
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,999
so she told me to sit in the back
where she can't see me.
295
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,940
Come on! Let's all sit in the front
where she can see us!
296
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:21,707
Oh, God. Veronica's gonna freak out.
297
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:24,340
Plus, they have better seats than me,
so I'm not happy either.
298
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:34,185
Ted, what are you doing backstage?
299
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:36,284
And get in here quick. You'll let the dove out.
300
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:40,855
I like to let him flap his wings a little.
301
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:43,834
Tire him out before I load him in.
302
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:46,735
Okay. I gotta know.
What is the last thing the dove sees?
303
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:51,071
He's blindfolded. It's better for both of us.
What do you want, Ted?
304
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:54,237
Well, I came to warn you so that you're not
surprised when you go on stage.
305
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:56,247
There's a bunch of people here from work.
306
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:59,478
What? I can't do the show
in front of people from work.
307
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:02,247
They're just here to laugh at me.
I'm not going on.
308
00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:04,915
Veronica, if you go out there
with self-respect and confidence...
309
00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:07,584
they'll be the ones who look foolish.
310
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:11,117
Halfway through the act,
I drink from a large saucer of milk.
311
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:14,632
- Wow.
- And then Mordor and I bathe in it.
312
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,328
The first two rows have to wear ponchos.
313
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:21,237
Listen, you have to do this.
You should be true to yourself.
314
00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:23,774
If you're not, it would be
like telling the guy you love...
315
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:26,276
that you're ashamed of who you are together.
316
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,877
Are you ready, Athena? Oh! Hey, Ted.
317
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:33,417
Listen, if you don't mind,
Athena and I have a preshow ritual.
318
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,453
It's kind of a prayer/sex thing.
319
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:38,319
So if you could leave
or find something to read?
320
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,494
So, what's it gonna be?
321
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,531
It's gonna be one hell of a show.
322
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,131
And then we're gonna do some magic.
323
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:05,847
The act was a side
of Veronica we had never seen.
324
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,148
And you totally could not tell
where she kept the dove.
325
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,912
One, two-
326
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,952
Three.
327
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,435
Whoo!
328
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:48,275
And after that night,
no one ever laughed at Veronica again.
329
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:53,956
Veronica, how can you leave all this?
330
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,017
I'm not going anywhere.
331
00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:07,360
After that,
Veronica wasn'tjust her old self...
332
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,430
she was something better.
333
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,908
She was whole.
334
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:14,343
Hey, V. Sorry your mail's wet.
335
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:17,974
Had to fish it out the toilet, yo. Crazy story.
336
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:24,952
Here you go.
If it happens again, you're fired.
337
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:30,253
And having accepted who he was...
338
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:33,696
Phil said good-bye to the rodeo not taken.
339
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:36,563
And Linda also
realized something about herself.
340
00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:39,229
Don, we went over this last night.
341
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,329
I haven't been honest with myself.
342
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:45,342
This just isn't the right relationship for me.
343
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,344
I'm sorry.
344
00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:55,887
Flowers? What are these for?
345
00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:59,050
Ever since my wife left,
I have been sitting on the sidelines...
346
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,388
afraid to get back in the game,
and that's not me.
347
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:04,122
You made me realize I want to be with somebody.
348
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,630
- You do?
- Yeah.
349
00:21:06,698 --> 00:21:09,030
It felt really great to be with Rebecca.
350
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:13,003
And I want to see her again.
She's smart and funny and cute.
351
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:16,529
Yeah. Yeah, I told you
you guys would be great together.
352
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:20,009
Well, anyway, thanks. You're the best.
353
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,915
Yo, Linda! Bad news.
354
00:21:23,982 --> 00:21:26,883
Your mail's wet. Crazy story!
355
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:32,086
Yo, where's my quarter?
356
00:21:36,995 --> 00:21:37,984
English - US - SDH
30682
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