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1
00:00:02,668 --> 00:00:04,603
"Hot in Cleveland"
is recorded in front
2
00:00:04,670 --> 00:00:06,036
of a live studio audience.
3
00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:09,467
Oh, yes.
4
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:11,587
Oh, you're probably wondering
what all the balloons are for.
5
00:00:11,611 --> 00:00:15,446
My daughter just
got into Harvard Medical School.
6
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,882
- That's a good school.
- It's a great school.
7
00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:19,578
Probably gets her smarts
from her mom.
8
00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:21,746
Oh, well, I don't think
I'm Harvard material,
9
00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:24,723
but I do have a lot
of common sense.
10
00:00:29,228 --> 00:00:31,857
He's waiting for a tip, Melanie.
11
00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:33,422
Oh.
12
00:00:33,499 --> 00:00:36,401
Yes, I knew that.
13
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,903
Oh, I'm just so excited.
14
00:00:37,970 --> 00:00:39,047
Jenna's gonna be here
any minute.
15
00:00:39,071 --> 00:00:40,482
I'm gonna hide these
in the guest room.
16
00:00:40,506 --> 00:00:42,441
Now that Jenna's
going to med school,
17
00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:44,807
can she prescribe Xanax?
18
00:00:45,611 --> 00:00:47,307
I want some, too.
19
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,076
I need it more.
20
00:00:49,148 --> 00:00:52,277
I shot a nude scene
for my HBO series yesterday.
21
00:00:52,351 --> 00:00:55,617
Ugh, the lighting
on that set was so harsh.
22
00:00:55,688 --> 00:00:57,748
I mean,
I don't want Lena Dunham nudity
23
00:00:57,823 --> 00:01:01,157
where everyone calls you brave,
but you look terrible.
24
00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:03,558
Well, why don't you put
your mind at ease
25
00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:05,154
and go see the footage yourself?
26
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,496
Visit the film editor?
27
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:10,833
Those pale, toad-like people
who sit hunched in the dark
28
00:01:10,903 --> 00:01:13,600
just watching footage all day?
29
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,268
I've never lowered
myself that way, but...
30
00:01:17,743 --> 00:01:21,373
Desperate times
call for selfish measures.
31
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,380
You know who always
looks great on camera?
32
00:01:26,619 --> 00:01:28,144
Me.
33
00:01:29,221 --> 00:01:30,314
Right.
34
00:01:30,389 --> 00:01:32,551
Elka had her picture
in the paper today.
35
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:33,957
Oh.
36
00:01:34,026 --> 00:01:37,394
"Councilwoman Ostrovsky
poses with Councilman for a Day,
37
00:01:37,463 --> 00:01:38,692
Lance Matthews."
38
00:01:38,764 --> 00:01:40,995
Mm.
This kid sounds impressive.
39
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:43,127
Boy Scout, straight-A student.
40
00:01:43,202 --> 00:01:45,000
Nerd.
41
00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:49,000
I thought he was coming
to the house. Where is he?
42
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:52,136
He's taking care
of some important city business.
43
00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:55,079
Your cocktail, Councilwoman.
44
00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,643
I serve the people.
45
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:02,018
He serves me.
46
00:02:03,422 --> 00:02:06,449
I took the opportunity to boil
down the council-meeting minutes
47
00:02:06,525 --> 00:02:08,790
to five concise bullet points.
48
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:09,861
I'm kind of a nerd.
49
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,831
Oh, don't call yourself names.
50
00:02:15,968 --> 00:02:16,901
Ooh!
51
00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:19,268
Jenna is also improving
my social life.
52
00:02:19,338 --> 00:02:20,738
I joined this dating website,
53
00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:22,672
and they just matched me
with a man
54
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:26,509
whose son is also going
to Harvard Medical School.
55
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:29,014
I wonder what we'll talk about.
56
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,813
This won't get old.
57
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:36,189
She's here.
58
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:41,094
- Ah!
- There's my beautiful genius!
59
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,219
Mom.
60
00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:44,559
- Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you!
- Mom.
61
00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:45,757
Harvard Medical School.
62
00:02:45,831 --> 00:02:47,424
I mean,
this has always been your dream.
63
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:48,559
Mom...
64
00:02:48,634 --> 00:02:50,728
I'm not going to Harvard.
65
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:53,131
What?
66
00:02:53,205 --> 00:02:54,798
Oh.
67
00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:57,503
Well, can you excuse me
for a minute?
68
00:02:57,576 --> 00:03:00,637
I'll be right back!
69
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,814
So, how was your flight?
70
00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:17,622
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
71
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,929
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
72
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:21,660
♪ Hey! ♪
73
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,828
Honey, I don't understand.
74
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,804
You have always wanted
to be a doctor.
75
00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:28,841
You used to give your Barbies
beauty marks and then scold them
76
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:31,309
for not having
them checked out for melanoma.
77
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:33,908
And I gave Ken a vasectomy
78
00:03:33,979 --> 00:03:36,676
'cause they didn't feel like
having kids at the dream house.
79
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:39,608
But I've changed.
80
00:03:39,685 --> 00:03:42,245
Medical school just
doesn't feel right anymore.
81
00:03:42,321 --> 00:03:43,755
Well, what does feel right?
82
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:46,486
I don't know yet.
That's the exciting part.
83
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,370
But here's something that
will make you feel good, Mom.
84
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,386
I couldn't have
done this if I didn't know
85
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:53,297
you would always support me
no matter what.
86
00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:58,998
Yeah, that does make me
feel good.
87
00:04:00,272 --> 00:04:01,797
Okay.
I'm gonna go unpack.
88
00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:04,810
Hey, thank you
for respecting my choices
89
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,436
and not trying
to change my mind.
90
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:08,378
Of course, honey.
91
00:04:09,081 --> 00:04:12,313
I hate her choices, and we've
got to change her mind!
92
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,320
Every parent's dilemma.
93
00:04:14,386 --> 00:04:16,252
Do you let your kids
make their own mistakes,
94
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:18,518
or do you prevent them
from making huge mistakes?
95
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,719
And this would be
a huge mistake.
96
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:21,852
I know her.
97
00:04:21,927 --> 00:04:23,987
Deep down,
she wants to be a doctor.
98
00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,674
I think she's just
freaking out a little bit.
99
00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:28,293
- So say something to her.
- I can't.
100
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,996
If I say something to her,
we'll have a fight,
101
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:32,732
and Jenna and I
have never had a fight,
102
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,137
and I love that about us.
103
00:04:34,206 --> 00:04:36,198
My mother and I
do nothing but fight,
104
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:38,039
and I love that about us.
105
00:04:39,745 --> 00:04:41,236
How about I talk to her?
106
00:04:41,313 --> 00:04:42,781
Really?
107
00:04:42,848 --> 00:04:45,374
That would be perfect, 'cause
she has always looked up to you.
108
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:49,252
And you would be a great friend
if you used that against her.
109
00:04:50,022 --> 00:04:51,684
Consider it done.
110
00:04:51,757 --> 00:04:53,988
You know, sometimes
it's easier hearing things
111
00:04:54,059 --> 00:04:55,339
from someone who's not your mum.
112
00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:57,105
Yeah, moms are pretty much
113
00:04:57,129 --> 00:04:59,928
the worst people
to say anything to anybody.
114
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:01,439
At least
that's what my kids tell me,
115
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,732
and we have
a great relationship.
116
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:10,968
Knock, knock.
117
00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:13,205
Wow.
Victoria Chase.
118
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,305
I know.
119
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:18,084
I'm afraid you're not supposed
to be in here.
120
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,483
Oh, well, I won't tell
if you won't.
121
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:21,782
No, I always make it a point
122
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:24,050
to meet the entire crew
of every production I'm in.
123
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:25,421
Me too.
Who have you met?
124
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:27,983
Uh...
125
00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:30,620
I only know their nicknames.
126
00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:33,365
Ponytail Guy.
127
00:05:33,432 --> 00:05:35,196
Fanny Pack.
128
00:05:35,267 --> 00:05:36,530
Food Lady.
129
00:05:37,102 --> 00:05:40,197
Hey, now that we've run into
each other, would it be possible
130
00:05:40,272 --> 00:05:42,207
for me to see some footage?
131
00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:43,902
Maybe something with you in it?
132
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:46,775
Oh, I can tell
we're gonna be good friends.
133
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,281
Why don't we take a look
at my love scene?
134
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:50,145
Sure.
135
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:51,411
Oh, thanks...
136
00:05:51,483 --> 00:05:53,281
Cutty.
137
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,378
Snippy?
138
00:05:55,454 --> 00:05:56,922
Barney.
139
00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:58,958
Is that really better?
140
00:06:02,461 --> 00:06:05,295
It is so good
sitting here with you.
141
00:06:05,364 --> 00:06:09,495
Three good friends
talking and listening.
142
00:06:09,568 --> 00:06:11,901
Especially listening to Joy.
143
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:13,615
You know, that's great,
because I was worried
144
00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:16,234
you were gonna try and convince
me to go to medical school.
145
00:06:16,308 --> 00:06:17,742
Oh, not at all.
No.
146
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:18,743
I would never be all like,
147
00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:21,212
you know, "What the hell
are you thinking?"
148
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,409
You know, and "You're making the
biggest mistake of your life."
149
00:06:24,483 --> 00:06:25,712
Which reminds me...
150
00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:29,186
I have made huge mistakes
in my life
151
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:30,951
when I have not listened to Joy.
152
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:33,288
Now you guys have a nice visit.
153
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,331
See you later, you guys!
154
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:51,608
Is she the crazy one?
155
00:06:53,545 --> 00:06:55,343
We don't judge.
156
00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:57,383
Because even crazy people vote?
157
00:06:57,449 --> 00:07:00,681
Yes, and when the weather's bad,
158
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:04,281
sometimes only crazy people
vote.
159
00:07:04,356 --> 00:07:07,554
Wasn't it raining
the day you were elected?
160
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:11,461
Cats and dogs.
161
00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:17,234
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
162
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:20,535
Every... Everything
is so harsh and realistic.
163
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,700
The director likes things
plain and raw.
164
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,835
Well, that's fine
for a vegetable plate,
165
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:27,539
but this is my love scene.
166
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,081
Can't you do something?
167
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:31,845
Well, I actually have
this filter
168
00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:33,977
that makes people look younger.
169
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:37,421
I call it
the Benjamin Button... button.
170
00:07:40,559 --> 00:07:42,926
Oh, my God.
171
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,861
I'm beautiful.
172
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:46,523
You are.
173
00:07:46,598 --> 00:07:49,158
Oh, I have to say that you
really brought out my...
174
00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:50,361
Inner soul?
175
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:53,998
I was gonna say outer beauty,
but same thing.
176
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:57,100
Well, if there's ever anything
I can do for you...
177
00:07:58,610 --> 00:08:00,044
Actually...
178
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:02,047
I know it's last-minute,
179
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:04,379
but it's my sister's
wedding tonight,
180
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,713
and I don't have a date.
181
00:08:05,784 --> 00:08:07,162
Well, I'm sure
that won't be a problem
182
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,848
for a young man like you.
183
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,947
No, I meant, uh...
184
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:13,390
what if you came as my date?
185
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:14,518
If I showed up with you,
186
00:08:14,593 --> 00:08:16,118
it would be the talk
of the wedding.
187
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:18,858
I do like to upstage a bride.
188
00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:23,467
But I really think it's best
if we're just friends.
189
00:08:23,535 --> 00:08:24,628
Then come as a friend.
190
00:08:24,703 --> 00:08:26,303
No, I meant the kind
of friends who never
191
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:28,432
see each other outside of work.
192
00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:30,442
Like Fanny Pack or Food Lady.
193
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:33,535
Bye, Button Guy.
194
00:08:33,612 --> 00:08:34,612
Barney.
195
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,273
I think that's what I said.
196
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:41,415
And finally,
we've got some birthday cards.
197
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:44,753
This is for Marilyn,
the mayor's secretary.
198
00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:46,485
Idiot.
199
00:08:46,558 --> 00:08:49,585
This is for Larry, Utilities.
200
00:08:49,661 --> 00:08:51,994
Moron.
201
00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:55,625
Gary.
Owns the hot-dog truck.
202
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,102
God's work.
203
00:08:59,371 --> 00:09:02,500
Oh, and remember,
Councilwoman, we have that 8:00
204
00:09:02,574 --> 00:09:04,770
with the head
of the sanitation department.
205
00:09:04,843 --> 00:09:06,778
Damn, I've got to fire that guy.
206
00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:08,905
Ooh, sounds tough.
207
00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:09,981
How do you do it?
208
00:09:10,949 --> 00:09:13,942
You tell them they look tired.
209
00:09:14,019 --> 00:09:15,180
Everybody's tired.
210
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:16,916
I'm not tired.
211
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:19,288
You're 12.
212
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,959
Give it another year.
213
00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:26,794
Shh. They're getting
to the important part.
214
00:09:26,865 --> 00:09:29,926
It's just that you were so
passionate about medical school.
215
00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:31,868
I know, but now I'm not so sure.
216
00:09:31,937 --> 00:09:34,805
Do you think
you might be a little scared?
217
00:09:34,873 --> 00:09:37,274
I was scared when I first
went to work as a detective.
218
00:09:37,342 --> 00:09:39,971
- Really?
- Yes, but once I committed,
219
00:09:40,045 --> 00:09:41,445
it felt right.
220
00:09:41,513 --> 00:09:45,143
Oh, it's so exciting...
Catching identity thieves,
221
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:49,450
dressing up sexy
to honey trap cheating husbands.
222
00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:52,790
Really, I help people.
223
00:09:54,059 --> 00:09:58,053
Much like a doctor
helps people, except less so.
224
00:09:58,797 --> 00:10:00,197
Yeah, I get what you're saying,
225
00:10:00,265 --> 00:10:02,243
and I know Mom really
wants me to go to med school,
226
00:10:02,267 --> 00:10:03,701
and she's never
steered me wrong.
227
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:06,866
Except maybe this time.
228
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:10,933
Your job sounds so sexy
and cool.
229
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,840
Maybe I should be a detective.
230
00:10:19,985 --> 00:10:21,681
I'm back.
231
00:10:21,753 --> 00:10:24,193
I forgot. I had to talk to Joy
about something very important.
232
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:26,590
Joy, a word.
233
00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:34,332
Joy!
What have you done?
234
00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:35,958
Now she wants to become
a detective?
235
00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:38,333
Okay, clearly
we've hit a small glitch.
236
00:10:38,403 --> 00:10:40,963
I've forgotten
how cool I am to the young.
237
00:10:43,074 --> 00:10:44,667
Oh, my God.
238
00:10:44,742 --> 00:10:46,438
My stupid date is tonight.
239
00:10:46,511 --> 00:10:48,422
I'm just gonna have to cancel
until we can figure this out.
240
00:10:48,446 --> 00:10:49,539
No, don't cancel.
241
00:10:49,614 --> 00:10:50,707
I'll fix this.
242
00:10:50,782 --> 00:10:51,782
You better.
243
00:10:51,816 --> 00:10:52,976
I-I really have to get ready.
244
00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:55,282
I kind of exaggerated
on my profile a little bit,
245
00:10:55,353 --> 00:10:57,288
so I only have two hours
to grow 6 inches
246
00:10:57,355 --> 00:10:59,119
and learn salsa dancing.
247
00:11:00,892 --> 00:11:02,326
Joy, wait till you see
248
00:11:02,393 --> 00:11:04,555
this gorgeous screen shot
from my nude scene.
249
00:11:04,629 --> 00:11:07,326
That editor transformed me
from the realistic way
250
00:11:07,398 --> 00:11:10,527
I was shot to the way
I actually look in my head.
251
00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:13,761
Victoria, there's a kid here.
252
00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:15,329
Why are you shielding him?
253
00:11:15,406 --> 00:11:18,001
I'm the one
who doesn't want to see it.
254
00:11:20,278 --> 00:11:22,338
Victoria, you look flawless.
255
00:11:22,413 --> 00:11:24,507
I know.
256
00:11:24,582 --> 00:11:27,051
Look.
A tiny blemish.
257
00:11:27,118 --> 00:11:28,118
Look.
258
00:11:28,152 --> 00:11:30,781
- A huge blemish.
- Oh.
259
00:11:30,855 --> 00:11:33,381
Well, maybe
you'd like this better.
260
00:11:33,958 --> 00:11:36,621
What is that?
Like, a giant sea sponge?
261
00:11:36,694 --> 00:11:38,686
Let me just pull back here.
262
00:11:39,397 --> 00:11:42,629
Oh, my God!
That's my ass!
263
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,464
You gave me cellulite!
264
00:11:44,535 --> 00:11:47,266
People will call it
a very brave performance.
265
00:11:47,338 --> 00:11:50,331
Ugh! You bastard.
How could you?
266
00:11:50,408 --> 00:11:52,036
Not having a date
to my sister's wedding
267
00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:53,703
must have put me
in an ugly mood.
268
00:11:53,778 --> 00:11:55,713
So you're blackmailing me?
269
00:11:58,716 --> 00:12:02,380
All right.
So, what if you did have a date?
270
00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:04,945
Well, I'd say that would...
271
00:12:05,023 --> 00:12:07,390
smooth things over.
272
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:09,120
Aww!
273
00:12:09,193 --> 00:12:13,255
And what if that date was
just for a fun coffee instead?
274
00:12:16,968 --> 00:12:19,437
Fine!
Wedding it is.
275
00:12:24,542 --> 00:12:26,909
So, Councilwoman, to what does
the sanitation department
276
00:12:26,978 --> 00:12:28,002
owe this honor?
277
00:12:28,079 --> 00:12:32,278
Well, actually, Lance here
is handling my meetings.
278
00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:34,285
He's Councilman for the Day.
279
00:12:34,352 --> 00:12:37,254
Oh, that's cute.
280
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:41,053
Well, young man,
what can I do for you?
281
00:12:41,592 --> 00:12:42,890
Jerry...
282
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,429
you look a little tired.
283
00:12:46,697 --> 00:12:48,723
Well, sure.
Who isn't?
284
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:49,995
Wait.
285
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,195
Are you firing me?
286
00:12:52,203 --> 00:12:53,603
Elka, what is this?
287
00:12:53,671 --> 00:12:55,799
He's the councilman, Jerry.
288
00:12:55,873 --> 00:12:58,274
My hands are tied.
289
00:12:58,843 --> 00:13:00,243
I promised myself
290
00:13:00,311 --> 00:13:02,056
I wouldn't spend the whole date
talking about this,
291
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,448
but our kids are going
to Harvard Medical School!
292
00:13:05,516 --> 00:13:08,315
How do you keep from bragging?
293
00:13:08,386 --> 00:13:11,356
Pretend that she
decided not to go.
294
00:13:11,422 --> 00:13:14,881
You know, I worried
I pushed mine too hard,
295
00:13:14,959 --> 00:13:17,326
but then you
think of the alternative.
296
00:13:17,395 --> 00:13:20,627
Oh, don't worry.
I think married men are sexy.
297
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:24,632
How would you like that
to be your daughter?
298
00:13:37,248 --> 00:13:38,477
What the hell, Joy?
299
00:13:38,549 --> 00:13:40,347
You turned my baby
into a honey trap?
300
00:13:40,418 --> 00:13:41,618
You were supposed to fix this.
301
00:13:41,652 --> 00:13:43,484
I tried, but she's an adult,
302
00:13:43,554 --> 00:13:46,046
and you said
you'd respect her decisions.
303
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:47,888
There's a hidden camera
on the patio.
304
00:13:47,959 --> 00:13:50,037
All she has to do is get
one quick kiss with this guy,
305
00:13:50,061 --> 00:13:51,461
- and done.
- I'm going in there.
306
00:13:51,529 --> 00:13:54,260
No. If you do,
you'll cause a big scene,
307
00:13:54,332 --> 00:13:56,767
and your no-fight record
will be ruined.
308
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:57,893
Oh, that's low.
309
00:13:57,969 --> 00:14:00,302
You know I love that record.
310
00:14:01,105 --> 00:14:02,266
You're right, Lance.
311
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:04,832
Why hasn't my wife
worked since I married her?
312
00:14:04,909 --> 00:14:06,741
It's Jerry time now.
313
00:14:06,811 --> 00:14:08,905
Go home
and tell her the good news.
314
00:14:12,917 --> 00:14:15,284
Kid, you played that perfectly.
315
00:14:16,988 --> 00:14:19,355
Two martinis, please.
316
00:14:20,358 --> 00:14:21,883
Elka.
317
00:14:21,959 --> 00:14:24,451
Oh, and a Coke for Junior.
318
00:14:26,864 --> 00:14:28,696
You are cute.
319
00:14:28,766 --> 00:14:29,859
So are you...
320
00:14:29,934 --> 00:14:32,379
although the borders around that
mole on your neck are irregular.
321
00:14:32,403 --> 00:14:34,031
You might want to have
that looked at.
322
00:14:35,339 --> 00:14:36,864
I like what I'm
looking at right now.
323
00:14:36,941 --> 00:14:39,604
How would you like
to kiss a real woman?
324
00:14:39,677 --> 00:14:40,736
What are you doing here?!
325
00:14:40,811 --> 00:14:43,280
Sure, she's young and beautiful,
326
00:14:43,347 --> 00:14:44,906
but wouldn't you
prefer a vehicle
327
00:14:44,982 --> 00:14:48,111
with a little more mileage
on it?
328
00:14:48,186 --> 00:14:49,017
- Kiss me.
- Okay.
329
00:14:49,086 --> 00:14:50,611
What?
No, he's supposed to kiss me.
330
00:14:50,688 --> 00:14:53,658
Go away...
Strange Woman I Don't Know.
331
00:14:53,724 --> 00:14:55,317
- Kiss me.
- No, kiss me.
332
00:14:55,393 --> 00:14:56,452
No, kiss me.
333
00:14:56,527 --> 00:14:57,893
You know what you can kiss?
334
00:14:57,962 --> 00:14:59,897
Half your money goodbye.
335
00:14:59,964 --> 00:15:02,229
Sherri, honey, I can explain.
336
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,632
What's there to explain?
337
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:06,398
You're cheating on me
with these two... whores.
338
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,769
My daughter is not a whore.
339
00:15:10,641 --> 00:15:12,337
This is where you're
supposed to say,
340
00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:13,610
"My mom's not a whore either."
341
00:15:14,345 --> 00:15:16,143
She's not.
342
00:15:18,716 --> 00:15:21,015
Mother and daughter?
343
00:15:21,085 --> 00:15:22,519
You degenerate!
344
00:15:22,587 --> 00:15:23,953
Honey, wait.
345
00:15:24,021 --> 00:15:25,114
It was their fault!
346
00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:27,317
Uh, Melanie?
347
00:15:27,391 --> 00:15:28,984
Oh, Justin.
348
00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:30,653
This isn't what it looks like.
No.
349
00:15:30,728 --> 00:15:32,172
I was just trying
to get that man to kiss me
350
00:15:32,196 --> 00:15:33,824
before he kissed my daughter.
351
00:15:36,701 --> 00:15:38,795
Yeah, it's okay if you go.
352
00:15:40,738 --> 00:15:43,503
Melanie,
I told you not to interfere.
353
00:15:43,574 --> 00:15:44,974
Yeah, but I had to.
354
00:15:45,042 --> 00:15:47,534
Jenna, honey, this isn't you.
355
00:15:47,612 --> 00:15:49,672
You want to help people.
356
00:15:49,747 --> 00:15:52,717
You don't want to be seducing
sleazy men for money like Joy.
357
00:15:56,854 --> 00:15:58,880
That isn't my entire life.
358
00:16:00,591 --> 00:16:03,857
Look, Jenna
is a natural-born honey trap
359
00:16:03,927 --> 00:16:06,453
who will be sitting here
seducing sleazy men
360
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:07,530
for years to come.
361
00:16:07,598 --> 00:16:09,692
Right, Jenna?
362
00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:10,894
Actually, no.
363
00:16:10,968 --> 00:16:12,436
This isn't me.
364
00:16:12,503 --> 00:16:14,301
I was totally lame at it.
365
00:16:14,371 --> 00:16:17,466
And then you came in
and were just as lame as I was.
366
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:22,070
Well, I didn't actually get
a chance to show my stuff, so...
367
00:16:23,981 --> 00:16:25,574
But go on.
368
00:16:25,649 --> 00:16:27,515
Mom, you were right
about school.
369
00:16:27,584 --> 00:16:29,314
I think I just got scared.
370
00:16:29,386 --> 00:16:30,945
What if I'm
the dumbest person there?
371
00:16:31,021 --> 00:16:35,618
Then you're the dumbest person
at Harvard Medical School.
372
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,428
Wait a minute.
373
00:16:38,495 --> 00:16:41,090
Honey, does this mean you
changed your mind about going?
374
00:16:41,165 --> 00:16:43,066
Okay, don't go crazy... but yes.
375
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:45,329
Oh! Yes!
Oh, honey, thank you!
376
00:16:45,402 --> 00:16:46,870
Thank you.
I'm so proud of you!
377
00:16:46,937 --> 00:16:49,065
My daughter's going
to Harvard Medical School!
378
00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:52,840
Now go wipe that whorish
makeup off your face.
379
00:16:52,910 --> 00:16:55,072
That's right.
I'm not Joy anymore.
380
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:04,612
Well, putting that aside...
381
00:17:04,688 --> 00:17:05,951
my plan worked.
382
00:17:06,023 --> 00:17:06,956
What plan?
383
00:17:07,024 --> 00:17:10,017
I knew if I set her up
in this awful situation,
384
00:17:10,094 --> 00:17:12,290
she would hate it
and come to her senses.
385
00:17:12,362 --> 00:17:13,830
Wait.
So none of this was real?
386
00:17:13,897 --> 00:17:16,264
- All those people were actors.
- Oh, Joy.
387
00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:19,132
Oh, thank you so much.
But why didn't you tell me?
388
00:17:19,203 --> 00:17:21,081
- I could have played along.
- Oh, you would have blown it.
389
00:17:21,105 --> 00:17:22,630
You're terrible at pretending.
390
00:17:22,706 --> 00:17:24,038
I am not.
391
00:17:24,108 --> 00:17:25,371
Sorry.
I forgot my purse.
392
00:17:25,442 --> 00:17:27,809
Oh, well, I was just
upbraiding Joy, you know,
393
00:17:27,878 --> 00:17:30,370
for getting you caught up
in all her shenanigans.
394
00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:32,814
Jo-o-o-y!
395
00:17:36,186 --> 00:17:38,678
Yeah, you're right...
I would have blown it.
396
00:17:45,895 --> 00:17:47,830
Thanks for coming, Victoria.
397
00:17:47,897 --> 00:17:49,388
Sorry you didn't have more fun.
398
00:17:49,465 --> 00:17:51,525
Well, as I said
to more than one ex-husband,
399
00:17:51,601 --> 00:17:55,629
I did what you asked me to do,
but I can't pretend I liked it.
400
00:17:59,776 --> 00:18:02,974
But I really like you, Victoria.
401
00:18:03,045 --> 00:18:06,379
I look at your face all day,
and I never get tired of it.
402
00:18:06,449 --> 00:18:08,543
So you resorted to blackmail?
403
00:18:08,618 --> 00:18:11,417
Because you wouldn't have
gone out with me otherwise.
404
00:18:11,487 --> 00:18:14,480
You would have said I'm not rich
enough or famous enough
405
00:18:14,557 --> 00:18:15,650
or I'm too young.
406
00:18:15,725 --> 00:18:18,820
Haven't you ever used blackmail
to get something you love?
407
00:18:18,895 --> 00:18:22,024
Well, of course. That's how
I raised three children.
408
00:18:22,799 --> 00:18:25,098
But, Barney, you are very young.
409
00:18:25,168 --> 00:18:27,364
But, Victoria,
you look very young.
410
00:18:27,436 --> 00:18:30,133
Well, you can't argue the facts.
411
00:18:32,008 --> 00:18:33,909
I'm just asking you
to think about it.
412
00:18:36,012 --> 00:18:37,790
How bad would it be
spending time with someone
413
00:18:37,814 --> 00:18:39,806
who's crazy about you?
414
00:18:42,285 --> 00:18:44,447
Well, you're
certainly persistent.
415
00:18:46,122 --> 00:18:49,524
All right, one date, and we'll
see where it goes from there.
416
00:18:58,534 --> 00:19:00,435
Thank you,
Councilwoman Ostrovsky.
417
00:19:00,503 --> 00:19:03,598
I learned so much.
418
00:19:05,608 --> 00:19:08,237
"Lance Matthews
for city council"?
419
00:19:09,645 --> 00:19:10,943
You want my job?
420
00:19:11,013 --> 00:19:15,314
I got a taste of power,
and I liked it.
421
00:19:15,384 --> 00:19:17,444
You're not old enough.
422
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,456
Actually, the council
passed a bill changing that.
423
00:19:20,523 --> 00:19:21,821
You sponsored it.
424
00:19:21,891 --> 00:19:24,417
I slipped it in with some of
the paperwork that you signed.
425
00:19:24,493 --> 00:19:25,961
You taught me that trick.
426
00:19:26,028 --> 00:19:27,587
I did.
427
00:19:27,663 --> 00:19:30,497
I taught you
everything you know...
428
00:19:30,566 --> 00:19:33,263
but not everything I know.
429
00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:35,101
What does that mean?
430
00:19:35,171 --> 00:19:38,505
It means the mayor
won't sign this bill.
431
00:19:38,574 --> 00:19:39,507
Why not?
432
00:19:39,575 --> 00:19:41,510
Because...
433
00:19:41,577 --> 00:19:43,671
he's my boyfriend.
434
00:19:43,746 --> 00:19:45,647
That's not fair.
435
00:19:45,715 --> 00:19:48,082
You look tired, Lance.
436
00:19:49,685 --> 00:19:51,779
Go home to your family.
437
00:19:57,059 --> 00:19:58,059
♪ Hey! ♪
438
00:20:01,864 --> 00:20:04,197
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
439
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:06,759
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
440
00:20:06,836 --> 00:20:11,399
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
441
00:20:11,474 --> 00:20:13,807
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
442
00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:16,175
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
443
00:20:16,245 --> 00:20:20,774
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
444
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:25,713
♪ Hey! ♪
31488
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