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1
00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:04,613
Jamie needs a change.
I want to do it!
2
00:00:04,656 --> 00:00:06,223
No way!
We're supposed to take turns!
3
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:09,270
Mom told us Jamie swallowed
one of her diamond earrings.
4
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,836
Whoever finds it
when it comes out
5
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:11,881
gets a 20-buck reward.
6
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:13,317
Let Reese change this one.
7
00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:14,623
He hasn't gotten to in a while.
8
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:15,928
Oh, man.
9
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:17,191
Somehow they never noticed
10
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,323
that Mom doesn't own
any diamond earrings.
11
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:23,327
Smells like my ticket
to Easy Street.
12
00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:27,201
♪ Yes, no, maybe
13
00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:29,116
♪ I don't know
14
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:32,423
♪ Can you repeat the question?
15
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,773
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:37,298
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
17
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:39,561
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
18
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,563
♪ And you're not so big
19
00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:44,218
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
20
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,220
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
21
00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:48,700
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
22
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,442
♪ And you're not so big
23
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:56,143
♪ Life is unfair.
24
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:02,758
Every year,
for the last five years,
25
00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:04,934
we've spent a week in a cabin
on a lake.
26
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,370
This year it got ruined,
27
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:08,198
and we had to come back
three days early.
28
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,331
All I'm saying is
I don't ask for much.
29
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:13,682
Once a year I want to sit on
a porch, stare at a bug zapper
30
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:15,510
and make s'mores
over a trash can.
31
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,381
The problem is
the boys have gotten soft.
32
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,384
God forbid they should have a
little interaction with nature.
33
00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:23,213
ALL :
Leeches! Leeches! Leeches!
34
00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:28,392
I blame video games.
35
00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:31,830
LOIS:
What's going on?
36
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,532
Sorry, folks,
street's closed.
37
00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:39,186
We live here.
What is this?
38
00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:40,578
You live here and
you don't know?
39
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:42,014
It's the annual block party.
40
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:45,540
Annual?
Every year for the
last five years.
41
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:49,587
Oh, hey, Mort.
42
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,328
What's going on?
43
00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:52,721
Oh, Hal.
44
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,201
You're back early.
45
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,377
What is all this?
Why didn't we know about it?
46
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:58,161
Well, we came out
this morning,
47
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,511
the sun was shining,
people started talking.
48
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,600
It was a spur-of-
the-moment thing.
49
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,298
The banner says
"5th annual."
50
00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:06,561
Huh.
51
00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:08,170
You guys throw a block party
52
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,651
every year when we go away?
53
00:02:09,693 --> 00:02:11,435
You know, I'm not consulted
about the scheduling.
54
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:13,220
There's a whole committee
that takes care of...
55
00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:14,656
Oh, but I'm boring you.
56
00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:26,058
Polly, yeah, we got home early.
57
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,799
Listen, would it be okay
if we walked over
58
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,540
and dropped off Jamie
for a couple hours?
59
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:32,413
There's a block party here,
and we wanted to enjoy it.
60
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:34,197
Okay, great. Thanks.
61
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,981
Enjoy it?
62
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:38,288
Doesn't anyone
besides me get it?
63
00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:39,594
The whole neighborhood hates us.
64
00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:41,683
So much that they throw
a giant celebration
65
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:42,901
just because we're gone.
66
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,251
Malcolm, that's not news.
67
00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:46,078
I'm just surprised
they're so organized.
68
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:48,298
It doesn't bother you
that everyone despises us?
69
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,344
No. These people need somebody
to be mad at.
70
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,302
Having us to hate
gives the whole neighborhood
71
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:53,390
something to bond over.
72
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,652
HAL:
Your mother's right, son.
73
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,263
Communities seek out
a common enemy.
74
00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:57,873
If it wasn't us,
75
00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,049
they'd all team up
against someone else.
76
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,572
Probably a minority.
77
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,792
Malcolm, you can't spend
your whole life worrying
78
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,620
about what people
think about you.
79
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:07,361
They'll like you,
they'll hate you,
80
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:10,233
they'll think whatever they want
to think, and then you die.
81
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:11,452
Is that supposed to cheer me up?
82
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,367
I don't know why
you need cheering up.
83
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,499
You are a teenage boy
with a block party
84
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:16,674
right outside his door.
85
00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:18,372
Now, you can stay in here
and sulk if you want to,
86
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,287
but your father and I
are gonna go have a good time.
87
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:21,375
HAL:
Come on, honey.
88
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:24,204
Oh, my God,
it's a lawnmower parade.
89
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:27,859
Hey, Otto.
90
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,296
What's this?
91
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,080
It's called a mount.
92
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:33,474
It is an artificial
cow's hindquarters.
93
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,171
This will allow us
94
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,739
to extract precious seed
from Bruno.
95
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:41,873
He cost me a fortune,
96
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:44,528
but there is gold
in those schlapels.
97
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,878
Can't we just let him
go out and mount the heifers?
98
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:49,272
No, Bruno is much too rough
for my girls.
99
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,318
They have lived
very sheltered lives.
100
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:55,322
Most of them are even
embarrassed by the milking.
101
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:58,673
I'm gonna have to be the one
to work this, aren't I?
102
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,283
It is not as bad as you think.
103
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:03,417
All you have to do
is climb inside.
104
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,941
Bruno will mount you,
offer his shwarzencaufin,
105
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,334
you will extract the seed.
106
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:10,511
That's a million times worse
than I thought!
107
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:11,686
Oh, now, Francis.
108
00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:14,079
There's nothing to be afraid of.
109
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:18,257
Hmm, I wonder why you have
to wear goggles.
110
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:27,005
Let's hear it
for Ms. Michaelson's class!
111
00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:30,748
I think I speak for all of us
on Maple and Jefferson
112
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,881
when I say that the neighborhood
gets a lot nicer
113
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,230
this time of year!
114
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,380
No, no, go ahead. Keep going.
115
00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:55,556
We were done anyway.
116
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,514
Yeah.
117
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,345
You know, I never really
thought about us
118
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,174
being the most hated people
in the neighborhood.
119
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:08,133
Well, Dewey, most people
go through life unnoticed.
120
00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,135
Their names are
never in the paper,
121
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,224
they've got no laws
named after them.
122
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,749
That's fine for most
people, but I wanted more.
123
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:17,099
Hey!
124
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,407
It's not always easy.
125
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:23,453
You don't make a lot of
friends being unpopular.
126
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:26,543
Someday we'll all get
even with you, Reese!
127
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,720
Huh.
128
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,418
What is it?
129
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:34,943
That kid just gave me the
best idea of my life.
130
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,858
You know, we don't do
this often enough,
131
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,425
just walk around
the neighborhood.
132
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:42,080
It's nice, isn't it?
133
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,387
Remind you of another
fair 20 years ago?
134
00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:49,392
You spent $70 to win me
a three-dollar stuffed animal.
135
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,438
Well, they make those hoops
too small on purpose.
136
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:52,830
If I hadn't played
till I won,
137
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,745
they never would've
learned their lesson.
138
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:58,662
Besides, I wasn't trying
to win the stuffed animal.
139
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:00,621
I was trying to win you.
140
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:01,970
Oh, Hal.
141
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:05,277
ED:
I urge you all to stay calm
142
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:08,846
and try to enjoy
the fair anyway.
143
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:13,329
Otherwise, they and their
awful children will have won!
144
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,461
Daddy, let's go!
145
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,071
I'm coming, honey.
146
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:20,684
Oh. Let me help you.Oh, you don't have
to do that.
147
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,207
I don't mind.
I'm glad to do it.
148
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:23,513
Well, thanks.
149
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,210
That was very nice of you.
150
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:26,560
Really?
151
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,389
Is there anything else
I can do for you?
152
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:33,262
I'm just saying, kids
should not be blamed
153
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,568
for how terrible
their parents are.
154
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,613
I mean, if Saddam
Hussein had a son...
155
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,485
Well, maybe that's
not the best example,
156
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:39,442
but you know what I'm...
157
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:42,097
Son, I don't care
what anybody says.
158
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:45,143
You're a very nice
and thoughtful young man.
159
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:47,232
Thanks.
160
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:50,410
I'm really glad I met you!
161
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,325
WOMAN:
Hey!
162
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:54,588
What are you doing?
163
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,720
Huh?Who was that man?
164
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:57,504
What do you mean?
165
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,549
Oh, my God!
We've been robbed!
166
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,298
And you just stood there
while he robbed us?
167
00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:10,604
I was walking past.
168
00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:11,605
He needed help.
169
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:12,519
You helped him?
170
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:13,737
He was sweating.
171
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:14,956
And you just believed him
172
00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:16,348
when he said
that this was his house?
173
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,176
No! He didn't say that...
174
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,483
exactly.
I mean, it was implied.
175
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:21,528
I have a lot on my mind.
176
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:22,703
Oh, you are from
that family
177
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:23,965
in that house,
aren't you?
178
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,488
Yes, but I'm not like them!
179
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,316
Do you even realize
what you've done?
180
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:28,535
What were you thinking?
181
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:34,932
:
I just wanted somebody
to like me.
182
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,427
Thank you, Jim.
183
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,124
Now, coming up
in just a few minutes
184
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,649
we have our fifth annual
kielbasa eating contest,
185
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,433
sponsored by Stavis Brothers,
186
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,783
the kielbasa
that makes you go "Mmm!"
187
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,177
A kielbasa eating contest?
188
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:03,744
I remember a certain
pigtailed girl
189
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,702
who could pack away
a dozen king-sized.
190
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,791
That was
a long time ago, Hal.
191
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:10,141
Oh, come on, Lois.
192
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,969
A woman reaches her
gastronomic peak
193
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,144
at about just your age.
194
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,798
I'll sign up with you.
195
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:17,671
Unless... you're
afraid I'll beat you.
196
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:20,369
Hal, you're good
at a lot of things,
197
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:21,892
but this is kielbasa.
198
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,503
Let's go.
199
00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:27,550
It's either a lizard
or a baby alligator.
200
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,683
It's been in our cesspool
for a month.
201
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:30,814
I think he lives on poo.
202
00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,599
Where is it?
203
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:33,556
Hello, everyone.
204
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:36,690
Don't worry, if I
wanted to beat you up,
205
00:08:36,732 --> 00:08:38,909
you'd all be hanging by
your underpants by now.
206
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,346
I've gathered you here
to make you an offer.
207
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:43,697
What kind of offer,
Reese?
208
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:45,786
I'm glad you
asked, Dewey.
209
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:47,657
It's no secret
that I've tortured
210
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:48,789
all of you over the years.
211
00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:50,747
Some of you have scars
212
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,619
on the outside.
213
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:55,622
Some of you are damaged
214
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:56,797
in places we can't see.
215
00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,800
Each one of you wants revenge.
216
00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:01,062
And you know what?
217
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,803
You're entitled to it.
218
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,502
Gee, Reese,
revenge sounds great.
219
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,591
But how
could we accomplish that?
220
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:09,940
Another good question, Dewey.
221
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,376
For 20 bucks,
222
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,726
I'll let each one of you
223
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,598
beat the hell out
of me for 30 seconds.
224
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,297
Boy, Reese, this is tempting.
225
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:21,735
But how do we know
you won't let us hit you today,
226
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,650
but then get even
with us tomorrow?
227
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,390
That's the beauty part.
228
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,262
I'll be tied up
and blindfolded
229
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,656
the whole time
you're beating me.
230
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:30,744
Wow.
231
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:33,485
The line will form at
the garage in one hour.
232
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,313
I'm not gonna tell you
how to get the money.
233
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,533
Your mothers all have purses.
234
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,708
Except for you, Freddy.
235
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,623
Your mother wears
a travel belt.
236
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,713
Ah.
237
00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:46,281
Is everything good to go?
238
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,543
I think so.
239
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,850
How do you plan to work her?
240
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,068
What do you mean, "work her"?
241
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,461
Well, you know,
242
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:53,767
you will sit there,
243
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,856
waiting for Bruno
to become fersploten
244
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,554
and enter
the artificial hoonincootz.
245
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,688
And then maybe
you rock the hips a little bit.
246
00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:04,081
Maybe you tease him
with the tail.
247
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,476
Gosh.
248
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:10,131
I hope this is
sturdy enough
249
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:12,002
to take his weight.
250
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,700
You know,
he weighs 4,000 pounds.
251
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,702
And when his passion
is aroused,
252
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,791
he may come down
253
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:20,271
with crushing force!
254
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,274
I want a raise.
255
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:25,668
Yeah.
256
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,931
All right.
257
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,892
Would you try and calm down,
please?
258
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,285
:
It's not just the neighborhood.
259
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:36,070
It's the whole world.
260
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:37,071
And the way people
261
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:38,463
treat each other.
262
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,074
I mean, why does it have
to be like this?
263
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:43,555
There's just so much hate.
264
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,734
What about pulling Reese's hair?
265
00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:49,561
No, his head will be covered.
266
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,346
Look, you're
thinking too hard.
267
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,565
Just let your hatred tell
your body what to do.
268
00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,829
How are we doing?
269
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,134
So far 23 kids have signed up.
270
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,702
We've taken in $460!
271
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,530
Oh, my God!
272
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:02,836
Just remember,
we've gotta save 20 bucks
273
00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,054
for the cab ride
to the hospital.
274
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:06,709
I'm gonna get the crap
kicked out of me for money.
275
00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:11,671
This is the greatest
nation on Earth.
276
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:15,196
It's a beautiful day
in the neighborhood
277
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,372
as we begin
our fifth annual
278
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,983
Stavis Brothers
kielbasa eating contest.
279
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,987
I try to line
them up like one
continuous dog.
280
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:27,208
It's the space between kielbasas
that tells your body it's full.
281
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:28,209
With us this year
282
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:31,560
we have our old
friends, Louie...
283
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:33,562
Gerry...
284
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:34,955
Jackson...
285
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:35,999
Lois and Hal...
286
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,959
...and last
year's champion,
287
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,743
Big Tony.
288
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:45,269
And eaters-- take your marks.
289
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:21,958
Are you going to be okay?
290
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,354
He's going
to be fine now.
291
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,797
Hey!
292
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:35,798
I'm in a hurry.
293
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,801
I'm getting a beating
in 15 minutes.
294
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,803
What do you want
for all of this?
295
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:41,630
What?
296
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,806
I'll take
every piece of candy
297
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,460
that you've got.
298
00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:48,724
Get out of the way!
299
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,900
Let me get you a bag for that.
300
00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:53,511
I don't need a bag.
301
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:59,648
But I would like
302
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:01,215
to hear you sing.
303
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:02,956
Well, ladies
and gentlemen,
304
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:05,741
we've lost Gerry
and Jackson.
305
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,873
Louie's put
away six.
306
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,092
But he has a
long way to go
307
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,051
to catch up with
Hal and Big Tony,
308
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,488
who've eaten
nine apiece.
309
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:15,751
Oh, just a minute.
310
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,536
Lois has eaten
nine, too.
311
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,496
You're magnificent.
312
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,024
And we just lost Louie.
313
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,983
Looks like
it's down to three.
314
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:31,767
Unbelievable.What is it?
315
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:35,510
Hal and Lois are
matching Big Tony
dog for dog.
316
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:39,775
ED:
Oh, wait a minute.
317
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,559
Is this the end
of the road for Lois?
318
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:47,870
Hmm? No, I just want
more sauerkraut.
319
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:55,573
Listen, kid, could you
please just go home?
320
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:57,706
Is there a
problem here?
321
00:13:57,749 --> 00:13:59,664
It's all right, officer.
We can handle it.
322
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:01,884
There was a robbery,
and I helped.
323
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,016
We're not
pressing charges.
324
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,887
We'd just like to forget
about the whole thing.
325
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,584
You still have to come down
to the station
326
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:07,455
and fill out some forms.
327
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:08,935
You know, looking
through the house,
328
00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:09,979
I don't think
he got much.
329
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,285
Just a bunch of
junk from the garage.
330
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:13,026
Yeah. It's pretty hard
even to say what was taken.
331
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:14,679
I can tell you.
332
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:15,767
I have a photographic memory.
333
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,334
I can picture
everything I put in the car.
334
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,075
How would it be if we
just phoned you later?
335
00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,948
There were nine boxes--
14 by 12 by 21.
336
00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:23,079
A computer
337
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:25,995
and two high-definition
color printers.
338
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,389
A signature machine,
an embossing machine,
339
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,607
two bottles
340
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,522
of solvent-based ink eradicator.
341
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:32,915
Three reams
of linen-textured
342
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:36,049
cotton paper with fluorescent
security fibers,
343
00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:38,094
which you could use
to counterfeit money,
344
00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:40,967
but for that you wouldn't need
an embossing machine,
345
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:44,013
unless you were going to forge
stock certificates.
346
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,931
Oh, my God, you're criminals!
347
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:54,067
And you know what
the saddest part is?
348
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,373
I used to care
what you thought about me.
349
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,159
Actually,
350
00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:00,987
I still do
care a little.
351
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,990
:
Go! Go! Go! Go!
352
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,209
ED:
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is astonishing.
353
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:08,081
Last year's record
is shattered.
354
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,604
I can feel it.
355
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,301
I know there's a two-and-
a-half-inch empty pocket
356
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:13,086
next to my
right kidney. Whoo.
357
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:15,610
:
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
358
00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:21,833
Oh, my God, Big Tony's
down for the count!
359
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:23,748
Well, it's down
360
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,967
to Hal and Lois now!
361
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:31,017
You are going down, honey.
362
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,975
We'll see, dear.
363
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:44,247
All right,
you all know the rules.
364
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:45,901
You each get 30 seconds.
365
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,512
Absolutely no weapons
of any kind.
366
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:56,303
All right,
let me go see if he's ready.
367
00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:02,004
Reese, it's time to start.
368
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:05,268
Here's our first
secret, anonymous customer.
369
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:07,227
:
It's Bobby Marcovitch.
370
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,149
Not so hard!
371
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,802
Don't hurt my brother!
372
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,937
Okay, you, your time is up.
373
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,287
Hey!
374
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:26,681
Reese, what are you doing
up there?
375
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,030
Who's this?
376
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:29,249
Some kid I found on the street.
377
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:30,424
I don't know his name.
378
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:31,903
Chad.Chad.
379
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,644
Sorry, man.
380
00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:35,298
How could you hit me like that?
381
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,170
You're my brother.
382
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:38,258
And my partner.
383
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,216
And you didn't pay!
384
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,058
BOBBY:
Let's get him!
385
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,067
No, wait, wait!
386
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,199
You guys are cheating!
387
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,156
Ow! Ow! Ow!
388
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:19,212
♪ Chances are
389
00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:23,433
♪ 'Cause I wear a silly grin
390
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:28,786
♪ The moment you come
into view ♪
391
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:38,970
♪ Chances are you'll think
that I'm in love with you ♪
392
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,146
♪ In the magical...
393
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:41,321
It's been two hours.
394
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:42,670
This isn't happening.
395
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:46,065
Send him out to graze.
396
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,199
Hey, look at this.
397
00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:52,723
It says we're supposed
to smear on cow pheromones.
398
00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:54,725
They're supposed
to make him crazy.
399
00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,379
No wonder he isn't into it.
400
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:01,471
Did you see
a bottle of pheromones?
401
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:10,741
♪ The chances are
your chances are ♪
402
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:14,310
♪ Awfully good
403
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,140
ED:
It's been quite a day
404
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,924
in competitive
sausage eating.
405
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:21,187
I think both
Hal and Lois
406
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,276
are approaching
the 21 mark.
407
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,977
It's an amazing
spectacle.
408
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,370
Two great competitors
409
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:33,677
pushing each other to greater
and greater heights.
410
00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:38,029
What's going on?
411
00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:39,205
Oh, my God!
412
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,294
They're cheering for my family.
413
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:43,557
I mean, it's for a totally lame
and ridiculous reason,
414
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,212
but they're cheering.
415
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:56,526
This is unprecedented.
416
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:57,527
There's only one
417
00:18:57,571 --> 00:19:00,182
kielbasa left,
and it's on
Hal's plate.
418
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:03,098
The title is his
if he can finish it.
419
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,840
:
Hal! Hal! Hal! Hal!
420
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:33,868
:
Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois!
421
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:52,887
You know,
422
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:56,499
you think you've imagined
every possible ending...
423
00:19:57,935 --> 00:20:01,112
How could we have been
so wrong about them?
424
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:03,680
They're good, good people.
425
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:07,075
Do you feel strange
not hating Hal
and Lois anymore?
426
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:08,816
My God, I love living here.
427
00:20:08,859 --> 00:20:10,339
It's a great
neighborhood.
Yeah.
428
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,515
I'm sorry I wasn't
able to help
with that noise
429
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:13,516
Friday night.
430
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,301
Did that music ever stop?
431
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:16,302
Wait. You're the one
432
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,478
who called the police
on my party?
433
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,175
You had a party and
you didn't invite me?
434
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,481
Oh, don't do that.
435
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:23,526
Why are you
such a big baby?
436
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:24,745
Don't you call him
a baby.
437
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:26,529
At least I don't have
to ask him
438
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,444
to mow his lawn
every two weeks.
439
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:29,793
Well, from what I hear,
440
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,491
he's been mowing your
lawn, if you get what...
441
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:33,275
Don't you talk
to her like that!
442
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,885
Hey, hey, hey...The hell with you!
443
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:36,496
The hell with you!
444
00:20:57,952 --> 00:20:59,519
Honey,
there's no line
445
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:00,781
for the giant slide.
446
00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:01,999
Oh, that's okay, dear.
447
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:04,306
I'm just going to lie down
here on the pavement.
448
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,526
Okay.
449
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:07,701
Well, I guess Mom was right.
450
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:08,571
We were serving a purpose
451
00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,181
in the neighborhood
all these years.
452
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:12,227
DEWEY:
Hey, Reese, want to help me
453
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,360
fill up the moon bounce
with this?
454
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:16,536
Nah. I'm going to go
put dogs on the Ferris wheel.
31770
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