All language subtitles for Malcolm in the Middle (2000) - S05E06 -eng

Oh, right.

♪ Yes, no, maybe

♪ I don't know

♪ Can you repeat the question?

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big

♪ Life is unfair.

There. That's it.

I made your bed
every day for a year.

Wow. Congratulations. I can't
believe you actually did it.

According to our deal,
that means from now on

I get to sleep in this bed.

That wasn't exactly
our deal, Dewey.

Yes, it was. You promised
that if I did it,

I'd get the bed
every day after that.

Right. Every day,

but I still
get it at night.

That's not fair!

I don't know, Dewey.

His case sounds
pretty solid to me.

REESE:
Oh, and, Dewey,

I don't want to ruin it
by being too specific,

but something you wear now has
some kind of creature in it.

Jamie's making
such strides.

He's so in touch
with his emotions.

I wish I could be
more like that

and just cry for
hours and hours.

Oh, here's the flyer

for the "daddy and child" class
I'll be teaching

at the rec center.

Polly, this is

the fifth flyer you've given me.

I'm sorry, I was
just so excited.

It was such a revelation to me
that I should be teaching.

I've always tried

to follow my bliss,
but up until now

my blisses have turned out to be

treacherous
and self-destructive.

Can't wait.

Do I really have to...

Yes, Hal.

Boys, I wanted
to talk to you.

I've got some good news.
I've been thinking.

You're both growing up.

You're showing a lot
more maturity these days.

I think you've
earned the right

to a little bit
more independence.

We're getting a car!

You're both getting jobs.

What?
What?

Malcolm, I talked to the manager
of the Lucky Aide this morning.

You start there tomorrow.

You want me to work

at your store? With you?

Yes. Reese-- since you've
been mentioned six times

by name
in the security handbook,

you have to look
for a job somewhere else,

but I want you in a paper hat
by the end of the week.

Please don't
do this to me.

Just let me find my own job.

Malcolm, it's already done.

I had to call in

a lot of favors
with Mr. Young for you.

You are not going
to make me look bad

by not honoring
your commitments.

How is it my commitment?!

Because I'm your mother and
you're doing it. That's final.

I was thinking there's a lot
of germs flying around.

Dad, Mom has this stupid
idea about working...

Huh! Huh! Huh!
That's enough!

You boys heard your mother.

We have always said

you have to concentrate
on your schoolwork

before wasting your time
on dead-end jobs.

You have got your
whole life to work

and only one chance to learn.

I told them to
get jobs, Hal.

The value
of hard work.

Money doesn't
grow on trees.

The sooner you two kids
have jobs, the better.

My first paycheck,
I'm buying this house

and kicking them out.

As we emerge
from the cocoon of self-doubt...

reaching
for unconditional affirmation...

defeating our inner critics.

And rest.

See, daddies can be just
as good mommies as mommies.

Oh! I have to make
a quick phone call

to the parole officer.

Oh, don't worry,
it's not about me.

It's about one of my dads,
but while I'm gone,

why don't you do that
"baby-ssage" thing I showed you.

You know,
babies feel stress, too.

Man, I'm so bored I can
feel my own hair growing.

Maybe I should wait a couple
years to bond with Jamie.

It's got to be easier
when he can do more than

just burble
and sit up.

Your baby can sit up?

For how long?

I don't know.
Ten seconds?

My baby can sit
up for 20.

Jasmine can
do it for 30.

Oh, yeah?

Do it, Jamie. Come on,
buddy, you can do it!

Do it for Daddy.

Do it for Daddy.

Stay up. Stay up. Stay up.

One more. One more.

Come on, baby. Come on, baby.

Come on, baby,
you can...

:
Yes! Way to go, Jamie.

I think this belongs to me.

Hello, you've reached
The Grotto. Please hold.

Hello, you've reached
The Grotto. Please hold.

Hello, you've reached
The Grotto.

You are a terrible brother!

Dewey?
Malcolm and Reese do nothing

but torture me all day long.

My life is horrible
and it's not fair!

Dewey, you're not
making any sense.

You were nice
to Malcolm and Reese

but then you got kicked out
before I was even old enough

to know what was going on.

So they got to have
a good big brother

and all I got was them.

Look, I'm sorry, okay, I just,
I don't live there anymore.

I don't care!

You have to make this
up to me. I deserve

a good big brother, too.

Dewey, I know this is

really important to you,

but I just don't
have the time right now,

so I'll call you
in a couple days, okay?

No, do not hang up on me.

Don't you look handsome?
My little working man's

first day on the job.

Do not do anything
to mess this up.

Our whole family needs me

to have this job.

Don't worry, Mom,
if it will save the family,

I won't stack
the toilet paper sideways.

Those kinds of
wisenheimer remarks

are exactly what I'm
talking about. Now go.

You don't want to be late
for the training session.

Hello, I'm Dale Young,
district supervisor.

Now, we're going to have
a lot of Lucky Aide fun today,

but there's also a lot
for our new trainees to learn.

Not to mention our employees
who need a little refresher.

What is this, Feldspar--
the fifth time?

We can call it that.

You leave the store
unlocked one night,

it's like the
sky fell in.

Mr. Feldspar,
I'm sure you don't want

to get your fellow
trainee in trouble.

You must be Malcolm, Lois' boy.

Hey, tell me,

is Beans as much fun at home

as she is at work?

Who?
Hey, Dave,

can you picture
Beans having kids?

Beans?

Now, we're gonna start with
a little instructional video,

and then I hope everyone has
their role-playing hats on.

NARRATOR:
Lucky Aide--

It's another word for "family,"
and like family,

we all pull
in the same direction,

toward the same goal,
from the lowliest stock boy...

to the district managers...
all the way up to the president.

Was that...?

We're proud of our 95%
employee retention rate.

You may think you're
just starting a job,

but when you join
the Lucky Aide family,

you're here for life.

Mr. Young said you
did great in training.

Well, what can
I say, Beans?

Oh, I'm sorry, Beans.

Did I say something
wrong, Beans?

Now, I went
to a lot of trouble

to make sure you
could work with Albert.

He really knows
what he's doing.

You're gonna learn
a lot from him.

Hey, Albert!

This is my son, Malcolm.

Nah, that can't be your son.

He ain't beautiful enough.

Did she just giggle?

Okay, now.

Those are empty boxes.

Yes. They are.

Good. Now, what you do is

you take them
in the freight elevator

to the basement

to the box-flattening area.

You flatten the boxes,

then take them
back up the elevator,

go out by the loading dock
and throw them in the Dumpster.

I figure, it's about
six or seven trips.

Shouldn't take you
more than two hours.

That Dumpster
right over there?

Yes.

If I flatten them here, I can

be done in, like, 20 minutes.

You take them in the freight
elevator to the basement

to the box-flattening area.

No, I got it.
I was just wondering if...

I understand.

So I broke down the boxes
right next to the Dumpster

and saved so much time

I was able
to sweep out the stock room

and do a whole week's
worth of returns.

That's great. Sounds like
you had a good first day.

So, what part

of "box-flattening area"
don't you understand?

Huh?

You were seen flattening boxes

outside of the designated
box-flattening area.

I thought
I made myself clear.

Why even have
a box-flattening area

if you don't flatten
the boxes there?

But it only took me 20 minutes,
so I was able to... Mom.

Albert, I'm sorry.

I'll write him up.

What? But you just said that...

You're supposed to
do as you're told.

Thanks for taking
the heat off me.

I forgot my shoes again.

This is ridiculous!
You're being completely
arbitrary and asinine.

One minute you're
telling me I'm

doing a great job,
and the next minute

you're writing me up!

You broke the rules, Malcolm.

Come on, that box-flattening
area is a stupid rule.

You know I'm right.

Albert is
a grade-five employee.

He has put in
20 years of service time.

Sometimes
that's more important

than what's right or wrong.

Who a you?

Stop being
so melodramatic.

No, seriously, I want to know.

Because the mother I know

has spent her entire
life ranting

about always doing the right
thing, no matter what the cost,

no matter how
unpopular it is,

and now you're
standing here

getting all caught up
in who's a grade five

and blindly
obeying authority.

Honestly, Malcolm,
where'd you get the idea

that a job is
supposed to be fun?

That's not what
I'm talking about!

The truth is, work
is hard and miserable

and nobody likes doing it.

I have the greatest job
in the world!

You got a job?

Yeah,
with Hygienic Meat Packing.

All I do all day is cut meat.

With knives and saws.

There's blood everywhere

and there's all these guys
swearing in Spanish,

and they pay me
12 bucks an hour!

12 bucks an hour?
I only make $5.50.

Actually,

with the write-up,
you're bumped down to $3.75.

Now you better go
finish your homework.

Dinner's in
a half an hour.

I am so proud of you guys.

You're so open
to connecting with your babies.

If my dads
were like you,

I'm sure I wouldn't have slept
with so many men in college.

See you next class.

We can't wait.

Okay, I've got Jamie to win
and Kevin to show.

Jamie's diaper...

Two pounds.
Yes!

Dakota...

Two and a
quarter pounds.
Yes.

Jasmine...

Four pounds?

Man, that's unholy.

I am so sorry

I was ever disappointed
you were born a girl.

Reese, this meat
is delicious. Thank you.

Malcolm, would you
like another piece?

I don't think I'm authorized
to make that decision.

Maybe we should ask
a grade-five employee.

Hey, I'm a grade-five employee.

Wow. How
do they get

the meat this tender?

Well, that's
the thing about veal.

Imagine if you took Jamie
and put him in a little box

where he would never
see daylight.

You don't let him move so his
muscles don't get all tough.

He's basically blind and you
force-feed him nothing but milk.

That's what makes him
taste so good.

Hal, how did Jamie

do in class today?

Fine. I guess.

For a kid
who can't fill a diaper.

This is strange.
Why would we have

so many leftovers?

You hung up on me!

What are you doing here?
I told you.

I can't handle Reese
and Malcolm anymore.

I need a good big brother

before it's too late!

I'm like one wedgie away
from an eating disorder.

You're here by yourself?

Francis, please, all
I want is a few minutes

of someone being nice to me.

Is that really

such a big thing for
a kid my age to ask?

Dad, Dad, Dad,
calm down. He's fine.

I have the day off Saturday.

I'll bring him home then.

You gotta give him
credit, you know.

He got to the ranch
all by himself.

The first time you tried,
you ended up in Mexico.

Of course, I'd be happy

to carry your bags outside.

We wouldn't want you

to get all hot and sweaty

out in the blaring heat
of the parking lot.

Malcolm. You're not
scheduled for today.

I'm just looking
for my mom.

She's out back on her break.

Last night, Mom accused me

of being obsessive
about getting written up.

So I stayed up all last night

thinking up
a bunch of comebacks,

and I even have
potential comebacks

to every possible comeback
of hers. There is no way she...

You're smoking?!

After all the times
you lectured us?

After telling us
if we smoked,

you would kill us
before the cancer did?!

After you would
push Francis'

lit cigarettes back in his mouth

and make him swallow?!
And you smoke?!

You smoke?!

Look, it's not what you think.

When I work,

I have two cigarettes--

one on my morning break,
one in the afternoon.

No more, no less.

Who are you?!

You have to stop saying that.

I will quit eventually,

but until then, the only thing

that's stopping your father

from smoking six packs a day

is knowing that
we quit together.

But you didn't quit.

But he knows I did.

But you didn't!

He knows I did.

You lie and you smoke.

Oh, for God's sake, Malcolm.

Lois, Lois, I just remembered

you were holding
my lit cigarette in your hand,

and I wanted
to thank you

for holding on
to my cigarettes...

which are mine.

He knows.
Okay.

I think I left
my register open.

Okay, Malcolm, you caught me.

This has to be kept secret.

So I'm going to ask you
for a favor.

A favor?

You're asking me
for a favor

after you totally
hung me out to dry.

I'm just asking for
a little flexibility.

Please.

For your father and for me,

just keep the smoking
to yourself.

Please.

Yeah, okay.

Wow, she's talking to me
like a human being.

This can't get
any weirder.

Thank you, Malcolm.

Yes, it can.

I can't believe
I used to think

that taking care
of the baby was a chore.

This class has
really opened my eyes.

Time.

Aiden wins again.

I knew I shouldn't let you have
that cracker.

I'll pay you
next class.

I got to go.

You're not going
to stick around

for the suction contest?

Will you take a watch?

Don't get too down about
this probation thing.

This job is mostly
a beauty pageant.

You know what's weird?

You get used to thinking
of a person as being

so much more powerful
than you,

then something shifts and
it becomes kind of awkward.

Oh, my God, are you
my boss now?!
What?

This is so unfair.

Year after year,

why can't...

It's nice to see one
of the good guys win.

Why don't you
take a load off.

I'll go get you
a cup of joe.

No worries, chief.

Whoa.

Malcolm.

It's not what it looks like.

YOUNG:
Lois, sorry,
are you in there?

I'll explain later.

I know exactly what this
looks like to you,

but I'm asking you for
a little flexibility.

Trust me.

Lois, where's the...?

What's going on here?

Well, I'll have to
write Malcolm up again.

He's flattened

another box

outside of the box
flattening area.

The guys at work are great.

I already have a nickname--
Ten Fingers.

The old Ten Fingers
wasn't using it anymore.

I'm proud of you, son.

You're working now.

I feel like I could
talk to you, man to man.

You know, about
grown up things--

expenses...

cheaters...

Can I borrow
some money from you?

Yeah. How much do you need?

Uh... how much do you have?

Why don't you just tell me
how much you need.

100... 2...

and another 100.

You might want to rinse off
the bills in cold water.

They stick together.

It was so cool
when that guy
at the truck stop

blew the smoke ring
out of the hole in his throat.

That was fun, wasn't it?

How come you're the only good
one in the family?

Why didn't any of it

rub off on Reese or Malcolm?

Dewey, would you cut it out?

No, I mean it.
You're such a good brother.

I'll bet they didn't
even appreciate it.

Dewey! I was never like this
with Reese and Malcolm.

I treated them like crap.

Way worse than
they treat you.

That's impossible.

I tortured them all the time.
I beat them up,

I took their stuff,

I locked them in closets.

You know that scar
on Reese's back?

That's from a bayonet.

Where did I even get a bayonet?!

But you couldn't have.

The way they talk about you...
They love you so much.

Dewey, let me let you in
on a little secret.

Sometimes people love people
for no reason.

Like Whoopi Goldberg.

Hmm.

It's even weirder with brothers.

So you're saying...

I'm the only one
you were ever nice to?

Pretty much.

You know, you have
a real opportunity here.

You can break the cycle.

You can be a good
brother to Jamie.

You can be the one
kid in this family

who takes care of the younger
one and looks out for him.

How is that fair?

Yeah, you're right.

MALCOLM:
Trying to impress

the cool kids?

Hey, Malcolm. Good news.

The head
of security told me

that the surveillance
cameras proved

you didn't flatten
that box on purpose.

You're also using
too much soap in the bathroom.

Anyway, you're off probation.

Wow, thanks for going
to the mat for me.

What is your problem?

My problem is, I have
no idea who you are.

I thought I had
this mother

that was abrupt
and short-tempered and rude,

but who at least would stand up
for what's right.

That's not who you are.

I did something nice for you,

and you act like it
didn't even happen.

You did something nice for me

because it was
the right thing to do.

I'm simply making you obey rules
because I'm your mother.

That's not fair.

If this favor thing
doesn't work both ways,

then why am I keeping
a big secret for you?

Why shouldn't I just tell Dad?

You're not going
to tell your father.

How do you know?

Because, Malcolm,
that's not who you are.

Why do you do this to me?

Malcolm, I know
this is hard for you.

You're growing up.

You're sick of living
under my authority.

You want me to cut
you some slack.

You're wondering
when I'll finally

see you as an adult.

Well... that's never
going to happen.

That's just not
the way

it works.

You can move
away from home,

you can get married,
even have kids of your own,

you can even become
a professor of physics at MIT.

I will always be your mother.

And that's just the way
it is until one of us dies.

You want to put your head

between your knees
for a few seconds?

No, I'm okay.

Look...

will you please

just give me one thing?

Please stop smoking.

I already quit.

Are you lying?

Of course not.

Okay, Jamie.

It all comes down to this.

Just do it like we practiced
in the garage.

Go, go, go.

We've got the whole family
together.

We should celebrate with
a nice dinner at...

Pay up, suckers!

You treated your babies

like they were made of glass,

and now you suffer.

What are you waiting for?

I want to remember
that goofy smile.

Nobody's going to be
seeing that for a long time.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Look at me! Whoo-hoo!