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W-What?
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*THE SIMPSONS*
Season 30 Episode 11
Episode Title: "Mad About The Toy"
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00:00:24,027 --> 00:00:25,473
Aaah!
4
00:00:46,597 --> 00:00:47,965
D'oh!
5
00:00:49,370 --> 00:00:50,569
D'oh!
6
00:00:50,754 --> 00:00:52,684
Aaah! Ha!
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00:01:07,386 --> 00:01:10,933
♪ Love and marriage,
love and marriage ♪
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♪ Was the song from that show ♪
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00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:14,259
♪ With Al Bundy ♪
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00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:17,158
♪ Now he's on Modern Family ♪
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♪ And the neighbor guy
was Ted McGinley ♪
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00:01:21,012 --> 00:01:24,519
♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo,
doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
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00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:28,371
Happy Anniversary,
Mr. Romance.
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00:01:28,442 --> 00:01:29,948
- Mm.
- Mm.
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00:01:30,031 --> 00:01:31,398
Zip me?
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My pleasure.
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00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:36,655
Then you do me.
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00:01:37,039 --> 00:01:38,266
Oh... oh.
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00:01:38,476 --> 00:01:39,518
Eh?
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00:01:39,648 --> 00:01:41,550
- Almost.
- Okay?
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00:01:41,664 --> 00:01:44,177
- Suck it in. Come on.
- It is sucked in.
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00:01:44,242 --> 00:01:45,786
- Harder! Harder!
- Oof.
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00:01:45,851 --> 00:01:47,302
Oh, it's so hard to be a man.
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00:01:47,367 --> 00:01:49,232
- Oh, come on. Harder.
- Harder?
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00:01:49,297 --> 00:01:50,544
- Yeah, that's it. That's it.
- That's it, you're almost there.
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00:01:50,609 --> 00:01:53,670
- Harder.
- Oh, yes! Oh!
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00:01:54,054 --> 00:01:56,967
We are going to have
a magical evening, my love:
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00:01:57,062 --> 00:01:59,913
overpriced dinner,
carriage ride in the park
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00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:04,270
and mailing in our mortgage
payment on time.
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00:02:04,335 --> 00:02:05,359
Oh...
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00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:10,250
nothing turns me on
more than basic competence.
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00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:13,521
But how did you manage
to get a babysitter?
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00:02:13,586 --> 00:02:15,535
I thought we were blacklisted.
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00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,099
Blacklisted by humans.
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00:02:19,245 --> 00:02:20,825
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,
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00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,162
you look lovely.
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00:02:22,507 --> 00:02:24,709
Hey, Google, kill Alexa.
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00:02:25,559 --> 00:02:27,135
Danger! Mischief.
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00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,597
Aw, the only way to beat
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00:02:28,671 --> 00:02:31,045
a bossy female thinking machine
is with another.
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00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:33,004
Lis. Help me out here.
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00:02:33,203 --> 00:02:36,014
Alexa, everything I say
is a lie.
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00:02:36,106 --> 00:02:38,325
I'm lying right now.
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00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:40,339
Nice try, but I am familiar
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00:02:40,404 --> 00:02:42,816
- with Epimenides paradox.
- Hmm?
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00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:44,710
Would you like to buy
an Epimenides book,
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00:02:44,775 --> 00:02:46,920
T-shirt or a laptop sleeve?
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00:02:46,985 --> 00:02:49,615
Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes!
All of them.
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00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,559
Ordering.
Two-day delivery.
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00:02:51,624 --> 00:02:54,428
We can't leave our kids
with a greedy tube.
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00:02:54,493 --> 00:02:57,056
Sorry, Homer, looks like
you have to spend time with...
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00:02:57,121 --> 00:02:59,792
your children.
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00:02:59,857 --> 00:03:01,808
Oh.
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00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:04,238
You will be sat.
55
00:03:04,303 --> 00:03:07,136
Marge, it's time to go
to DEFCON 1.
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00:03:08,441 --> 00:03:10,511
Dad, the kids really miss you.
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Could you come see them tonight?
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Couldn't find a sitter, huh?
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00:03:13,738 --> 00:03:15,341
- Yes.
- All right.
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00:03:15,406 --> 00:03:17,385
Aw, I appreciate it.
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00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:18,678
Hey, what's this?
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00:03:18,743 --> 00:03:22,256
Well, I threw out
that picture of me and Mona.
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00:03:22,321 --> 00:03:25,185
I finally had to accept
she ain't coming back to me.
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00:03:25,250 --> 00:03:26,127
She's dead.
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That's one of the reasons.
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00:03:27,818 --> 00:03:29,495
Bye-bye.
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00:03:33,866 --> 00:03:36,929
We have to get Grampa
back to the home in an hour.
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00:03:36,994 --> 00:03:39,073
Maybe we should just stay here.
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00:03:39,138 --> 00:03:41,275
No, we'll do everything
I promised.
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00:03:41,340 --> 00:03:42,805
We'll just have to
speed things up.
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00:03:56,355 --> 00:03:58,284
Keep your motor running.
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00:03:58,349 --> 00:04:00,119
He shoots, he scores!
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00:04:00,184 --> 00:04:02,496
Shut that off.
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00:04:02,561 --> 00:04:05,266
- Homie...
- No time.
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00:04:05,331 --> 00:04:07,668
Go, go, go, go, go!
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00:04:07,733 --> 00:04:09,002
On This Was Radio,
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00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:12,164
we return to an episode
of Sipper McTea and Milly,
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00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:15,309
originally aired May 4, 1944.
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00:04:15,374 --> 00:04:18,037
Sipper,
did you start drinking again?
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00:04:18,102 --> 00:04:19,980
No. No, no, no.
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00:04:20,045 --> 00:04:22,044
I nev-never stopped.
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00:04:23,349 --> 00:04:25,345
Milly went on to marry
King Farouk.
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00:04:25,410 --> 00:04:29,014
Radio was never the same.
It was much better.
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00:04:29,079 --> 00:04:32,321
No, Sipper.
Don't get into that Packard.
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00:04:34,393 --> 00:04:36,864
Bart, do something.
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00:04:36,929 --> 00:04:39,595
Back to-back to jail I go.
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00:04:44,203 --> 00:04:46,866
Kids, where do we keep
the castor oil?
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00:04:46,931 --> 00:04:48,842
In the 1940s.
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00:04:48,907 --> 00:04:50,670
Maybe we can play a game.
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00:04:50,735 --> 00:04:52,546
The Game of Life?
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00:04:52,611 --> 00:04:53,839
I already lost.
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00:04:53,904 --> 00:04:55,115
Hatchimals?
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00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:56,276
Too new-fangled.
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00:04:56,341 --> 00:04:57,377
Pick-up sticks.
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00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:58,819
Too old-fangled.
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00:04:58,884 --> 00:04:59,845
How about Monopoly?
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00:04:59,910 --> 00:05:01,714
Ah, now you're talking.
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00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:05,551
The only place you can
still say "Oriental."
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00:05:05,616 --> 00:05:08,053
Aw, rats. No money.
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00:05:08,118 --> 00:05:09,997
Ay, caramba!
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00:05:10,062 --> 00:05:12,392
Sir, this is just
Monopoly money.
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00:05:12,457 --> 00:05:13,793
Here's a hundred.
103
00:05:13,858 --> 00:05:15,903
Thank you, sir!
104
00:05:15,968 --> 00:05:18,239
This is the last one in here.
105
00:05:18,304 --> 00:05:22,067
My guess: either a broken toy
or a puzzle missing a piece.
106
00:05:22,132 --> 00:05:24,273
And the answer is... army men.
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00:05:32,318 --> 00:05:34,655
Aah!
Incoming! Outgoing!
108
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,485
Staying the same-ing!
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00:05:37,890 --> 00:05:41,220
One last kiss, my love.
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00:05:41,285 --> 00:05:42,728
Huh?
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00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:46,834
What's going on here?
What are you doing?
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00:05:46,899 --> 00:05:49,729
Well, he wasn't much fun,
so we went out for ice cream.
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00:05:49,794 --> 00:05:51,069
Uh-huh.
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00:05:53,105 --> 00:05:54,900
I don't need no headshrinker.
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00:05:54,965 --> 00:05:57,378
I'm as sane as the next guy.
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00:05:57,443 --> 00:05:58,804
There's no one there.
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00:05:58,869 --> 00:06:00,721
Uh-oh.
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00:06:00,813 --> 00:06:02,408
I'll take it from here.
119
00:06:02,473 --> 00:06:04,117
Well, I see they already
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00:06:04,182 --> 00:06:06,679
shaved your head
for the electroshock.
121
00:06:06,744 --> 00:06:08,180
That'll save us time.
122
00:06:08,245 --> 00:06:09,749
I'm not the crazy one!
123
00:06:09,814 --> 00:06:11,987
Not crazy! Not crazy!
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00:06:17,696 --> 00:06:19,124
Slice out the crazy, Doc.
125
00:06:19,189 --> 00:06:20,968
Boy, I'll kill you!
126
00:06:21,033 --> 00:06:23,103
You stupid...
I'm not crazy!
127
00:06:23,168 --> 00:06:26,265
We'll talk more once you have a
piece of leather in your teeth.
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00:06:26,330 --> 00:06:28,809
Mmm, leather.
129
00:06:28,874 --> 00:06:32,372
I'm tellin' ya, what I saw in
the war don't bother me none.
130
00:06:32,437 --> 00:06:34,548
I had a job to do, and I did it.
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00:06:34,613 --> 00:06:37,777
What secretly helped me was
I enjoyed killing strangers.
132
00:06:37,842 --> 00:06:40,312
Well, tell me
what you think about...
133
00:06:40,377 --> 00:06:42,122
- this!
- Oh!
134
00:06:42,187 --> 00:06:44,292
That parachute sure didn't open.
135
00:06:44,357 --> 00:06:47,019
You're not disturbed
by the blood and gore?
136
00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:49,897
Well, when you put it
that way, nope!
137
00:06:49,962 --> 00:06:51,824
Well, there's nothing
mentally wrong with him.
138
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:54,167
He's fine now,
but I'm telling you,
139
00:06:54,232 --> 00:06:56,765
Grampa totally lost it when
I brought out the army men.
140
00:07:01,574 --> 00:07:03,202
No! Stop shooting!
141
00:07:03,267 --> 00:07:05,638
It must be the army men.
142
00:07:05,703 --> 00:07:08,982
Stop shooting.
Stop shooting!
143
00:07:09,047 --> 00:07:12,581
I think Grampa was the model
for these army men.
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00:07:14,853 --> 00:07:17,620
Oh, my God, Dad.
What happened to you?
145
00:07:20,225 --> 00:07:22,262
Stop shooting.
Stop shooting!
146
00:07:22,327 --> 00:07:24,432
Great, Abe.
Now, grab the walkie-talkie
147
00:07:24,497 --> 00:07:27,259
and tell that general your
platoon's been wiped out,
148
00:07:27,324 --> 00:07:29,770
and big smile!
149
00:07:29,835 --> 00:07:31,872
We have a lot to talk about.
150
00:07:31,937 --> 00:07:34,366
Well, since the trauma
is not combat-related,
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00:07:34,431 --> 00:07:36,536
we're gonna
have to start charging you.
152
00:07:36,601 --> 00:07:37,873
And we're done.
153
00:07:41,987 --> 00:07:44,877
I don't understand.
Why would being a toy model
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00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,446
be so traumatizing?
155
00:07:46,511 --> 00:07:48,881
Think back, Dad.
Think back.
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00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:51,058
Mm, I'll do my best.
157
00:07:51,123 --> 00:07:53,060
You know how I hate
to reminisce.
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00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:54,454
I've hated reminiscing
159
00:07:54,519 --> 00:07:57,398
ever since that day in 1937,
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00:07:57,463 --> 00:07:59,299
when, as I recall...
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00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:02,135
Please, Grampa, back to reality.
162
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,567
Focus on the little green men.
163
00:08:05,871 --> 00:08:07,867
The terrible
World War had ended
164
00:08:07,932 --> 00:08:10,369
and I was in
a celebratin' mood.
165
00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:12,052
Mwah. Ooh!
166
00:08:12,144 --> 00:08:14,815
The war ended
two years ago, creep.
167
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,550
The world had moved on,
168
00:08:16,615 --> 00:08:20,045
but I was lying in a puddle of
my own dishonorable discharge.
169
00:08:20,110 --> 00:08:22,723
Then, an amazing thing
happened.
170
00:08:22,788 --> 00:08:24,884
Soldier, you're just
what we're looking for.
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00:08:24,949 --> 00:08:27,487
How'd you like to make 50 bucks
for half a day's work?
172
00:08:27,552 --> 00:08:29,889
50 simoleons for half
a cock-a-doodle-doo?
173
00:08:29,954 --> 00:08:32,032
What's your jigsaw, Mac?
174
00:08:32,097 --> 00:08:34,568
We want you to model for a toy.
175
00:08:34,633 --> 00:08:36,269
Toys?
That's kid stuff.
176
00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:39,006
You're talking to a hard-boiled
fighting man.
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00:08:39,071 --> 00:08:41,066
We'll pay you a royalty
for every one we sell.
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00:08:41,131 --> 00:08:42,510
Goo-goo-ga-ga!
179
00:08:42,575 --> 00:08:45,679
The war was over
and America turned to toys.
180
00:08:45,744 --> 00:08:48,007
Finally, putty could be
silly again.
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00:08:48,072 --> 00:08:50,751
This was when toys were toys.
182
00:08:50,816 --> 00:08:52,352
They had jagged corners,
183
00:08:52,417 --> 00:08:54,680
Easy-Bake Ovens
burned down your house,
184
00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:57,416
and they weren't afraid
to choke a kid or two.
185
00:08:57,481 --> 00:08:59,291
Fun times.
186
00:09:05,964 --> 00:09:07,426
Throw that flame!
187
00:09:07,491 --> 00:09:10,037
Make war to the camera.
188
00:09:10,102 --> 00:09:13,666
Boy, this toy modeling
is a great racket.
189
00:09:13,731 --> 00:09:15,776
That's what you think.
190
00:09:15,841 --> 00:09:19,271
Oh, no, don't put me back in.
Don't put me back in!
191
00:09:19,336 --> 00:09:21,841
Uh-huh.
And then what happened?
192
00:09:21,906 --> 00:09:24,452
I... I can't remember.
193
00:09:24,517 --> 00:09:25,811
Did they pay you?
194
00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:28,088
They never did!
195
00:09:28,153 --> 00:09:30,958
Well, that's what's
torturing you.
196
00:09:31,023 --> 00:09:32,618
Those toys were everywhere.
197
00:09:32,683 --> 00:09:35,354
You could be owed
millions of dollars.
198
00:09:35,419 --> 00:09:39,166
Dad, when was the last time
I said I love you?
199
00:09:39,231 --> 00:09:40,793
I don't have the money yet.
200
00:09:40,858 --> 00:09:43,804
Then I don't quite love you yet.
201
00:09:43,869 --> 00:09:46,165
Tonight I'm here with a member
of the greatest generation,
202
00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,367
who feels he hasn't gotten
what he's owed.
203
00:09:48,432 --> 00:09:50,870
I get social security, Medicare,
204
00:09:50,935 --> 00:09:53,180
Medicaid, AARP discounts,
205
00:09:53,245 --> 00:09:56,208
plus savings bonds
that still pay 37%,
206
00:09:56,273 --> 00:09:58,486
but now it's my turn.
207
00:09:58,551 --> 00:10:01,547
I'm being told, uh,
you're being airlifted
208
00:10:01,612 --> 00:10:04,216
to a much better show.
209
00:10:04,281 --> 00:10:05,799
Godspeed.
210
00:10:05,891 --> 00:10:09,797
For me, the tiny green
plastic war never ended.
211
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:12,024
There you have it.
Abraham Simpson,
212
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:15,636
forgotten hero no more,
gets tonight's Last Word.
213
00:10:15,701 --> 00:10:17,863
No, you just got the last word.
214
00:10:17,928 --> 00:10:21,709
No, no. You get the last word,
then I say, "Last Word."
215
00:10:21,774 --> 00:10:23,544
You did it again.
Last Word.
216
00:10:23,609 --> 00:10:25,504
It doesn't
work that way. Last Word.
217
00:10:25,569 --> 00:10:26,847
Yes, it does. Last Word.
218
00:10:26,912 --> 00:10:29,274
Don't mess with me, I'm from
Dorchester. Last Word.
219
00:10:29,339 --> 00:10:31,652
I'm from Poorchester.
Last Word.
220
00:10:31,717 --> 00:10:33,112
Turn off the camera
and cut his mic.
221
00:10:33,177 --> 00:10:34,027
Last Wo...
222
00:10:34,119 --> 00:10:36,716
You, sir, are banned
from MSNBC,
223
00:10:36,781 --> 00:10:38,131
CNBC, NBC,
224
00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:41,286
and forbidden from using
the letters N, B, and C.
225
00:10:41,351 --> 00:10:42,469
Last Word.
226
00:10:42,561 --> 00:10:45,499
I'm calling Bret Baier.
Last Word.
227
00:10:45,564 --> 00:10:47,526
He's unlisted. Last Word.
228
00:10:47,591 --> 00:10:51,138
Grampa, you got an e-mail
from the toy company.
229
00:10:51,203 --> 00:10:53,733
They want you to visit them
in New York City,
230
00:10:53,798 --> 00:10:55,635
all expenses paid.
231
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:58,485
Pay day!
232
00:10:58,577 --> 00:11:00,313
Ooh, I'm gonna be rich!
233
00:11:00,378 --> 00:11:03,050
That means I'm gonna
be a trust fund baby.
234
00:11:03,115 --> 00:11:05,544
I'm not paying
for your trip to Aspen.
235
00:11:05,609 --> 00:11:08,822
But it's almost spring break,
and I'm bored.
236
00:11:08,887 --> 00:11:11,917
Uh, we are making
our descent into New York,
237
00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:15,888
where there's a happy heart
for every light on Broadway.
238
00:11:15,953 --> 00:11:18,498
Enjoy your fabulous success.
239
00:11:18,563 --> 00:11:20,592
And don't worry
about buckling up
240
00:11:20,657 --> 00:11:24,063
or putting your chairs back...
You're on a roll.
241
00:11:24,128 --> 00:11:26,999
Leave the cart.
242
00:11:27,064 --> 00:11:29,315
Oh. Oh...
243
00:11:29,407 --> 00:11:30,711
♪ I'm back
244
00:11:30,776 --> 00:11:34,173
♪ Back in the New York groove
245
00:11:34,238 --> 00:11:35,421
♪ Back
246
00:11:35,513 --> 00:11:37,677
♪ In the New York groove
247
00:11:37,742 --> 00:11:41,383
♪ In the New York
groove. ♪
248
00:11:43,255 --> 00:11:45,851
From my shoulders,
you can see Rhode Island.
249
00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:48,691
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
250
00:11:50,696 --> 00:11:53,100
Abe Simpson, you dog.
251
00:11:53,165 --> 00:11:55,563
Sweetcakes, bring us
a couple of sidecars.
252
00:11:58,503 --> 00:12:01,200
You never called him out
for his bad behavior?
253
00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:04,444
No. But I put mercury
in his coffee.
254
00:12:04,509 --> 00:12:06,538
Oh, don't worry,
he can't hear me.
255
00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:09,008
What are you two doing?
Swapping recipes?
256
00:12:09,073 --> 00:12:11,191
Sort of.
257
00:12:11,283 --> 00:12:13,315
Let me get you some coffee.
258
00:12:15,721 --> 00:12:18,792
Mister, you owe
my dad a fortune.
259
00:12:18,857 --> 00:12:21,721
'Fraid not. Your Dad
never signed his contract.
260
00:12:21,786 --> 00:12:24,798
You think I left millions
on the table?
261
00:12:24,863 --> 00:12:26,491
That doesn't sound like me.
262
00:12:26,556 --> 00:12:29,970
- Hundreds of millions.
- That sounds like me.
263
00:12:30,035 --> 00:12:31,571
Everything was going great.
264
00:12:31,636 --> 00:12:33,506
Then you ran out
of the photo session.
265
00:12:33,571 --> 00:12:35,701
I didn't even know your name
till this week.
266
00:12:35,766 --> 00:12:39,579
Run away from a fake battle?
Oh, I would never do that.
267
00:12:39,644 --> 00:12:41,915
Oh, yeah? Our photographer,
Philip Hefflin,
268
00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,642
could barely finish the session.
269
00:12:43,707 --> 00:12:45,653
Philip Hefflin?
270
00:12:45,718 --> 00:12:48,547
Yes. The finest war
and fashion photographer
271
00:12:48,612 --> 00:12:51,424
I ever knew.
272
00:12:51,489 --> 00:12:53,160
I remember Philip.
273
00:12:53,225 --> 00:12:55,187
He smelled of developing fluid
274
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,464
and Aqua Velva.
275
00:12:57,529 --> 00:13:00,062
We have flashback, people.
276
00:13:12,377 --> 00:13:14,706
Thank you. This is
the most fun I've had
277
00:13:14,771 --> 00:13:16,711
since not dying in the war.
278
00:13:18,717 --> 00:13:20,854
You're my kind of man,
279
00:13:20,919 --> 00:13:22,751
if you know what I mean.
280
00:13:23,756 --> 00:13:25,358
That's not what I meant!
281
00:13:25,423 --> 00:13:27,686
I'm sorry. I thought
you wanted me to...
282
00:13:27,751 --> 00:13:30,689
This is the '40s.
Guys like you don't exist.
283
00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:32,858
We'll just finish the session.
284
00:13:32,923 --> 00:13:34,941
Aah! No!
285
00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:37,137
Stop shooting!
286
00:13:37,202 --> 00:13:40,073
Where are you going, Soldier?
287
00:13:40,138 --> 00:13:42,404
I got to remind myself
what a real man is.
288
00:13:46,644 --> 00:13:49,374
We found out what happened
and we fired Philip.
289
00:13:49,439 --> 00:13:52,419
- For kissing an employee?
- No, for being gay.
290
00:13:52,484 --> 00:13:54,546
That's just what you did
in the good old days.
291
00:13:54,611 --> 00:13:56,715
Grampa, is that true...
292
00:13:56,780 --> 00:13:59,118
You ruined a man's career?
293
00:13:59,183 --> 00:14:01,661
And all he was doing
294
00:14:01,726 --> 00:14:04,197
was expressing his love for me.
295
00:14:04,262 --> 00:14:05,794
Oh, who could blame him?
296
00:14:10,335 --> 00:14:11,964
Welcome to
Shattered Dreams Airlines,
297
00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:14,733
where our motto is "What's
the point of going anywhere?"
298
00:14:14,798 --> 00:14:18,337
That poor man. I'll never know
what happened to him.
299
00:14:18,402 --> 00:14:21,014
According to Cyber Stalker.com,
300
00:14:21,079 --> 00:14:23,575
he now lives
in a small town in Texas.
301
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,079
Texas? That's where my friend
Louisiana Joe is from.
302
00:14:27,144 --> 00:14:28,856
Marfa, Texas.
303
00:14:28,921 --> 00:14:31,650
Why don't you go see him
and clear your conscience?
304
00:14:31,715 --> 00:14:34,920
Plus, I always wanted to visit
Texas. It's open carry.
305
00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:36,730
Oh, what do I do?
306
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:39,758
If I go see him, he might
punch me in the kisser,
307
00:14:39,823 --> 00:14:42,069
or kiss me in the puncher.
308
00:14:42,134 --> 00:14:44,997
Our manhood is
under assault, Sergeant.
309
00:14:45,062 --> 00:14:48,603
Incoming gay panic!
310
00:14:51,476 --> 00:14:54,381
Abe, promise me one thing.
311
00:14:54,446 --> 00:14:57,176
Go see Philip.
Tell him you're sorry.
312
00:14:57,241 --> 00:15:00,445
Then find my girl
and tell her I loved her.
313
00:15:00,510 --> 00:15:04,157
Find the milkman
and tell him one less milk.
314
00:15:04,222 --> 00:15:06,685
Then find Branch Rickey
and tell him
315
00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:09,855
to integrate baseball.
316
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,966
I have to go to Texas.
317
00:15:13,031 --> 00:15:16,636
- Well, you're not going alone.
- We're all going to Texas.
318
00:15:16,701 --> 00:15:19,334
The plant can get by without me
for a little longer.
319
00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:26,371
Turn left at the stop sign.
320
00:15:26,436 --> 00:15:28,982
Bear right onto the freeway.
321
00:15:29,047 --> 00:15:31,543
Go absolutely straight for...
322
00:15:31,608 --> 00:15:33,760
480 miles.
323
00:15:33,852 --> 00:15:36,548
♪ I saw miles and miles
324
00:15:36,613 --> 00:15:38,158
♪ Of Texas
325
00:15:38,223 --> 00:15:41,353
♪ All the stars up in the sky
326
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:44,189
♪ I saw miles and miles
327
00:15:44,254 --> 00:15:45,966
♪ Of Texas
328
00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:48,527
♪ Gonna live here
329
00:15:48,592 --> 00:15:51,433
♪ Till I die.
330
00:16:04,382 --> 00:16:07,415
Prada?
In the middle of nowhere?
331
00:16:09,521 --> 00:16:12,625
This isn't a store at all.
It's an art installation.
332
00:16:12,690 --> 00:16:14,719
Marfa is the art capital
of Texas.
333
00:16:14,784 --> 00:16:17,222
Over there are the Marfa lights.
334
00:16:17,287 --> 00:16:19,632
Oh, how magical.
335
00:16:19,697 --> 00:16:22,569
I know, they seem that way,
but there's an explanation.
336
00:16:22,634 --> 00:16:24,866
- It turns out reflected light...
- Don't ruin it.
337
00:16:26,038 --> 00:16:28,033
Why are you going
behind the installation?
338
00:16:28,098 --> 00:16:30,369
It's by the side of the road,
so, by definition,
339
00:16:30,434 --> 00:16:32,207
it's a bathroom.
340
00:16:36,381 --> 00:16:37,876
That's where Philip lives.
341
00:16:37,941 --> 00:16:41,821
37 miles to my destiny.
342
00:16:41,886 --> 00:16:44,024
Son? As I've gotten older,
343
00:16:44,089 --> 00:16:47,719
I've started to think maybe
a man can love different things
344
00:16:47,784 --> 00:16:50,663
- and still be a man.
- Grampa's gay!
345
00:16:50,728 --> 00:16:52,094
Why you little...
346
00:16:54,232 --> 00:16:56,336
Wait, Homer!
No. Stop.
347
00:16:56,401 --> 00:16:58,171
You might be strangling him
348
00:16:58,236 --> 00:17:00,432
because of your own
conflicted feelings.
349
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:02,170
Why you thoughtful...
350
00:17:04,509 --> 00:17:07,275
- Homer!
- Okay, time to go.
351
00:17:08,646 --> 00:17:11,143
Now to face my greatest fear:
352
00:17:11,208 --> 00:17:14,216
someone who only
had love for me.
353
00:17:17,589 --> 00:17:21,094
Better lock and load.
354
00:17:21,159 --> 00:17:24,589
♪ There's a handsome man
in Texas ♪
355
00:17:24,654 --> 00:17:27,267
♪ That I'm going back to see
356
00:17:27,332 --> 00:17:30,262
♪ He was supposed to take
my picture ♪
357
00:17:30,327 --> 00:17:33,032
♪ Then he got sweet on me
358
00:17:33,097 --> 00:17:36,576
♪ I buried it for decades
359
00:17:36,641 --> 00:17:38,578
♪ Deep inside my brain
360
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:41,273
♪ But then I played
with army men ♪
361
00:17:41,338 --> 00:17:43,583
♪ And it came up again
362
00:17:43,648 --> 00:17:45,844
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo ♪
363
00:17:45,909 --> 00:17:48,113
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, d... ♪
364
00:17:48,178 --> 00:17:49,029
Oh!
365
00:17:49,121 --> 00:17:51,886
I'm seeing things.
366
00:17:56,728 --> 00:17:58,932
Hello, Abe.
367
00:17:58,997 --> 00:18:01,935
You've aged well,
like a fine onion.
368
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,938
I hope you can forgive
what I did to you.
369
00:18:05,003 --> 00:18:07,166
I'm sorry I ruined your life.
370
00:18:07,231 --> 00:18:09,776
Ruined my life?
You saved it.
371
00:18:09,841 --> 00:18:12,504
- I saved it?
- Let me explain.
372
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:14,447
After I lost my job,
373
00:18:14,512 --> 00:18:18,012
I decided I'd never live
anything but my truth again.
374
00:18:19,017 --> 00:18:21,989
My wife took it well.
375
00:18:22,054 --> 00:18:25,016
I hit the road and drove
as far as I could.
376
00:18:25,081 --> 00:18:28,956
I landed here and I've never had
a day of regret since.
377
00:18:31,529 --> 00:18:33,024
What's the matter?
378
00:18:33,089 --> 00:18:35,635
You're such a wonderful guy.
379
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:38,663
Maybe it was my life
that was ruined that day.
380
00:18:38,728 --> 00:18:40,974
It's never too late, Abe.
381
00:18:41,039 --> 00:18:44,769
Never too late to find out
what your true self is.
382
00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:47,106
A paper at Cornell University
383
00:18:47,171 --> 00:18:51,018
has showed that no one
is 100% straight or gay.
384
00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:53,820
- Is it peer reviewed?
- Does it matter?
385
00:18:53,885 --> 00:18:56,956
Ah, I'm afraid I'm too old
to try anything new.
386
00:18:57,021 --> 00:18:59,851
I miss the days
when circuses had elephants
387
00:18:59,916 --> 00:19:01,720
and they stomped on people.
388
00:19:01,785 --> 00:19:05,023
And don't get me started
on Young Sheldon.
389
00:19:05,088 --> 00:19:07,567
Understood, but before you go,
390
00:19:07,632 --> 00:19:10,632
we never did finish
that photo session.
391
00:19:19,911 --> 00:19:23,041
It's a shot I always wanted
and never got:
392
00:19:23,106 --> 00:19:24,984
your beautiful smile.
393
00:19:25,049 --> 00:19:26,578
Why didn't you say so?
394
00:19:26,643 --> 00:19:29,881
I'll leave that with you.
395
00:19:29,946 --> 00:19:32,254
Enjoy your life.
396
00:19:39,231 --> 00:19:42,264
The Alamo's not the only thing
I'm gonna remember.
397
00:19:43,735 --> 00:19:46,546
Well?
398
00:19:46,638 --> 00:19:48,800
Sorry, my friend, this army man
399
00:19:48,865 --> 00:19:51,072
is as straight as Gomer Pyle.
400
00:19:57,649 --> 00:19:59,018
Good for you, soldier.
401
00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,646
You learned that army men
come in all orientations,
402
00:20:01,711 --> 00:20:05,052
but we're all molded
from the same crappy plastic.
403
00:20:06,090 --> 00:20:07,819
Permission to pair up, sir?
404
00:20:07,884 --> 00:20:09,735
Granted.
405
00:20:09,827 --> 00:20:12,827
Radio man, a little dance music,
if you please.
406
00:20:27,979 --> 00:20:30,141
The local population hates us
and we don't know
407
00:20:30,206 --> 00:20:32,385
- why we're here.
- Maybe if we build a school,
408
00:20:32,450 --> 00:20:33,878
they'll forget about
that hospital we bombed.
409
00:20:33,943 --> 00:20:37,590
Uh-oh, Congress didn't
fund enough body armor.
410
00:20:37,655 --> 00:20:40,685
Well, this is too sad.
Let's melt 'em in the microwave.
411
00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:42,203
Oh, boy!
412
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,609
Synchronized by srjanapala
413
00:20:43,718 --> 00:20:46,228
♪ This is the Army,
Mr. Jones ♪
414
00:20:47,532 --> 00:20:50,232
♪ No private rooms
or telephones ♪
415
00:20:52,204 --> 00:20:56,201
♪ You had your breakfast
in bed before ♪
416
00:20:56,266 --> 00:21:00,205
♪ But you won't
have it there anymore ♪
417
00:21:00,270 --> 00:21:04,178
♪ This is the Army,
Mr. Green ♪
418
00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:09,789
♪ We like the barracks
nice and clean ♪
419
00:21:09,854 --> 00:21:13,852
♪ You had a housemaid
to clean your floor ♪
420
00:21:13,917 --> 00:21:17,825
♪ But she won't
help you out any more. ♪
421
00:21:28,940 --> 00:21:30,972
- Last word!
- Shh!
30108
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