All language subtitles for 30 Rock S05e22 Everything Sunny All the Time Always.eng

♪ Hush, little baby ♪

♪ tomorrow you shuck
the cane ♪

♪ your little fingers bloody ♪

♪ prepare to be whipped ♪

She's asleep.

Hey, it's mommy!

- I'm in Beijing!
- Shh.

- Liddy just went to sleep.
- Well, wake here up, Jack.

She needs to hear
her mommy's voice.

No, when she's ready,
Dr. Kevorkian says

we have to put her down.

He's a very good pediatrician,

but that is
an unfortunate name.

Oh, come on,
she'll fall back asleep.

No. Call back tomorrow.

She has babynomics at 11:00.

Liddy! It's your mother!

Imprinting! Imprinting!

God, Tracy could have
cleaned up before he left.

And why did he leave
all this soda here?

What are you doing?
That's his urine.

He is not well.

Someday this place is gonna be
a kickass duplex,

like on Different Strokes.

Conrad bain once slapped me
in a men's room.

I've just gotta get rid
of all these boxes.

I don't even know
what this stuff is anymore.

Comence a estudiar these,
but then yo gave up.

Here's the novel
I never finished.

Hmm...

"Liz stabbed Jenna
repeatedly."

The Secret?

I gave you this
five years ago.

- You still haven't read it?
- Ehh...

It works, Liz.
Look at me.

Ever since I started
secreting,

I've become a TV star,
I found my soul mate,

you saw how flat Gwyneth Paltrow
sang at the oscars...

I visualized all of that.

Jenna, the only way
to make things happen

in the real world
is by taking action.

Oh, I've taken action.

It dries your mouth out,
but the sex is amazing.

No, I'm talking about
taking control.

Like I do every day at work.

I found Tracy,
I saved the show.

I always think of a third
thing when I'm listing stuff.

If taking control
is so great,

then how do you explain
your personal life?

I mean, look at the post-it
note on your sweater.

Oh, boy.

You're right.

I just have to care
about myself

as much as I care
about work.

Starting right now.

I'm gonna clean this apartment

while I learn Spanish.

Last year, I used The Secret
to learn Spanish,

and now I'm fluent.

Rosa,

I know you stole
my necklace.

I'll have your son deported.

Oh, wait,
I found my necklace.

Oh, boy.

Sync by honeybunny | Corrected by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

Great news, Jack.

I've got a new life philosophy
that I call Lizbeanism.

I see. And how did you
come up with that name?

Well, I'm Liz,
and obviously,

my philosophy is simple,
like a bean.

I'm fixing problems
in my personal life

the same way
I fix problems at work.

I saved the show,
now I'm gonna save me!

Because lizbeanism means
that I am a dyke...

against the rising waters
of mediocrity.

- Good for you, Lemon.
- Check this out, Jack.

Tile samples.
First, I redo the bathroom,

then I redo the whole apartment,
and then the world.

I'm impressed, Lemon.
You're talking like a winner.

I'm going to give you...

One of my neckties.

This is a big moment for me.

You're taking control
of your destiny.

No matter how strait
the gate

or charged with punishments
the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

That's from Invictus!

Wait, who was the white guy
in that?

Maybe someday
you'll be like me,

running a billion-dollar
corporation,

having people pay you
for the privilege

of cutting your hair...
raising a child.

You're raising a child?
Come on.

I think Avery is probably
doing that.

Not really. Avery's been
traveling a lot

as part of NBC news' hot blondes
in weird places initiative.

So she's been out
of the baby loop

until Liddy is sleep-trained.

Frankly, it might be easier

if Avery stays in Asia.

Be careful
what you wish for.

According to The Secret,
it'll come true.

I wish Liz Lemon would leave
so I could go back to work.

Oh... oh...
What's pulling me?

I want to stay here
and keep boring Jack!

Oh, okay.

I really fell.
I need help.

Tracy, welcome back.

I think I speak
for all of us

when I say how thrilled--

Great impression of a guy
that sucks, dotcom.

Look, we got a lot of work
to catch up on.

Yes, sir.
It just feels so good

to have the three musketeers and
dotcom back together again.

Ooh. Whoops.

Smooth move, Ferguson.

What are you laughing about?

Oh, nothing, sir.

Just an inside joke
from when you were gone.

You kinda needed
to be there.

No, no, no, no, no.
No.

You three are not allowed
to have inside jokes

that I'm not a part of.

I can have inside jokes
that you're not a part of.

For example, "hot feet."

Or, "ask Melissa about it."

But my entourage serves me.

And "smooth move, Ferguson"
is not funny to me.

So it id forbidden.
Understand?

Next order of business,
Grizz's DVD reviews

for this weekend.

You wouldn't expect a movie
called Somewhere

to go absolutely nowhere.

♪ Sometimes we use a song
to move a story along ♪

♪ and explain it to you
whoo! ♪

♪ 'cause Liz is
taking charge ♪

♪ she's in control
of everything she do ♪

♪ in her personal life ♪

♪ hey hey, na na ♪

♪ in her personal life ♪

♪ but here comes
a story obstacle now! ♪

What's that?

Tony, there's a bag
in that tree,

and it's right outside
the window

of my soon-to-be-perfect-life
apartment.

If you're not in the building,
I don't have to talk to you.

Trees are city property.

You have to take it up
with City Hall.

That's your mother, Liddy.

Say hello.

Who's ready for Skype sex?

- No, this is the Liddy call.
- What I can't see?

You people have
too much money.

Hi, Sherry!

I don't know why our daughter
would be afraid of Reagan.

Are you accusing me
of not doing

enough Reagan time with her?

No, of course not.

Listen, news wants me
to extend the trip.

But I can get out of it
if you need me there to help.

No. You stay.

- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

Bring back some
throwing stars for Liddy.

I will.

And thank you for being
the best husband ever.

Hey, do you want to watch me
eat jelly beans...

Real slow?

Yes.

Smooth move, Ferguson.

I knew it!

I knew you were saying that
behind my back.

- How long were you in there?
- I knew you wouldn't stop!

And now your failure leaves us
with only one option.

Explain to me why "smooth
move, Ferguson" is funny!

Well, while you were away,
we ordered Mexican food.

And the delivery guy
tripped,

and then mister Griswald
said, "smooth move, Ferguson."

That story is not funny!

Sir, you had to be there.

Then I will be.

We are going to recreate
all the events

surrounding
"smooth move, Ferguson"

exactly as they occurred.

Maybe then we can
get on with our lives.

Let's get to work.

Jonathan, what is going on?

Sir, you need to see this.

Even if it ruins
whatever you had planned

for Secretary's Day,
like a poem you wrote for me,

or whatever.

We go now
to a pre-taped statement

from super-crazy
Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il.

People of North Korea,

it is your dear leader,
Kim Jong-Il,

world's greatest golfer
and movie director,

and best man
at Tom Brady's wedding.

As we all know,

the decadent Western
journalist spy Laura Ling

left us because she can't
party as hard as we can.

- I know, right?
- I know, right?

But now, another
American reporter

has come to North Korea
because it's awesome,

and we have enough food.

Avery Jessup.

Her name is Avery Jessup,
and like me,

her hair is blonde.

One of our own,
NBC's Avery Jessup Donaghy,

detained in North Korea.

More on that as it develops.

But first,
it's never too early

to plan your dog's
Halloween costume.

I told her to stay.
I didn't want her at home.

This is my fault.

Sir, if you say
one more syllable,

that's a haiku.
Leave.

I'm not afraid of
you, City Hall.

Let's do this.

Don't go in there!
Run, citizen!

Look, Boehner,
we're all upset.

I mean it's my wife!

John, stop crying.

I--I can't understand you!

- I said he's busy!
- Busy, Jonathan?

I've got a bag stuck
in a tree.

Jack, I have a bag stuck in a
tree outside my apartment,

and I can't get it down.

And I don't know why
it's making me so crazy.

Yes, you do.
You said it yourself.

It's not just about a bag
or a view.

It's about taking charge
of your life

and solving problems.

I'm facing a similar
situation myself.

Lay it on me.
Two-way street.

Avery has been kidnapped
by Kim Jong-Il.

What? Why?
Is she a spy?

Oh, my God,
I already know too much!

Kim Jong-Il runs
a vast propaganda machine.

Evidently, his latest
insane idea

is to bring in
a Western journalist

to report on how
the free world

is being conquered
by North Korea.

And in food news, you've
had enough to eat today.

Now here with the weather
is Johnny Mountain.

North Korea,
everything sunny all the time.

Always good-time
beach party.

Back to you, Avery.

You have to call
president Clinton.

He got Lisa Ling's sister
out of North Korea.

President Inter-Bush
is out of the question.

Avery will never accept
his help.

She can't forgive him
for not hitting on her

during the 1996
Democratic convention.

- She's much too thin.
- I do, of course,

still have some connections,
but my best bet is fraught.

I never should have broken up
with Condi via text message.

You broke up with
Condoleezza Rice by text?

Me plus you equals
frowny face.

- Yeah, you can't call her.
- I know.

But I am going
to solve this.

Just like you are going to
solve your equally important

bag in a tree situation.

Invictus, Lemon.

Now that I've killed
that bug,

I'd like to call this
"smooth move, Ferguson"

recreation meeting to order.

Kenneth, report.

Well, sir, we've got
the delivery guy booked,

but I've run into
some big problems.

For example,
it was raining that day.

Get a rain machine.

Look, here,
take my credit card,

use it to break into
a special effects warehouse

to steal one.

Well, sir,
even if we did that,

there are some things
we can't control.

We don't remember
what we were wearing.

Dotcom was sick.

Security footage.

Dotcom licks
the subway steps.

These are solvable problems!

Well, what about this?

Miss Maroney was here
screaming at Mr. Rossitano.

Later that day,
she got her hair cut.

Aw, thank you.

The point is,
her hair was longer then.

J-Mo, how long would it take
for your hair to grow back?

It depends. Do you have access
to horse semen?

- You know I do.
- Give me three weeks.

Then we'll reconvene
in three weeks.

Meeting is adjourned.

Oh, my God,
what happened to my bug?

Stupid grappling hook!

Can't catch one little bag?

You think I'm giving up?

Did I give up
when that squirrel

I trained to retrieve you
just ran away?

You will not win,
Mr. bag.

But, Liz, I already have.

What did you say?

Jack's wrong.

No human is truly
the master of his fate.

Even your dream apartment
can't protect you from death.

I'm not ruining your view.

I'm reminding you
of your mortality.

'Cause you know I'll be here
long after you're gone,

the wind rustling
against my genitals.

That's right,
bags have genitals.

You don't know me.

Go ahead,
buy nesting tables.

Paint an accent wall.

I'll watch the EMTs
take you out in my cousin,

a body bag.

K-9, operation Ferguson
status report.

Rain, check.
Room temperature, check.

Miss Maroney's hair length,
check.

Do you like it?

If you say no,
I'll drown myself.

Mr. griswald,
could you put the TV

on the right channel--
MSNBC.

Was dotcom standing
that gay?

No, sir, he was not.

Today denying reports
that Jessup Donaghy

is anchoring a fake
Western news channel,

calling the accusations,
quote,

"as ridiculous as the dunk
Kim Jong-Il won

the NBA dunk contest with."

Hey, what's my boy KJ
doing on TV?

What?
That's Kim Jong-Il.

Yeah.
We did a movie together

that he directed
and co-starred in.

Death to the CIA!

Let us all increase production
of millet and sunflowers!

I defuse bomb,
black partner.

Hasta la vista, baby!

Dude, I think you did
a North Korean propaganda film.

It was either that
or playing a rapping doorman

in a Kate Hudson movie.

Oh, okay.

Oh, he's coming.
Places, everyone.

Smooth move, Ferguson.

I get it now!
That was so funny!

Everyone laugh.

Now, you sons of bitches!

Tracy, it's come
to my attention

that you know
Kim Jong-Il.

And obviously,
I'm concerned about my wife,

and I want to know
what she's going through.

Please, hold nothing back.

Okay, but you might not like
what I have to tell you.

Kim Jong-Il sometimes shoots
in a close-up too much.

Comedy lives in a wide shot.

And also--
this is gonna be rough--

his acting notes
are often vague.

Okay. Thank you.

What is this?

My God!

They're letting her speak.

For the past three weeks,
I have been honored to partake

in a political
re-education regimen.

I have voluntarily taken
several floggings

for being an arrogant
American...

That's okay.
She's tough.

We do a lot of pirate-themed
sexual role playing.

I'm a parrot.

Also, I spend
eight hours a day

breaking concrete blocks

to learn to be
an obedient worker...

No problem.
She pays $1,000 an hour

to do that with a trainer.

And I have concluded
that capitalism may be flawed.

My God!

What are those monsters
doing to her?

Doctor Rice...

Well, look what the cat
dragged in.

Hello, Condi.
You're looking well.

You know, I've been
to the DMZ.

They have signs.
Can your wife not read?

- Okay, we're all adults here.
- So what is it?

Is she funnier than I am?

She's certainly not
younger, is she?

Condi, we are not
doing this.

Oh, we are doing this!

I'm sorry that
I broke up with you by text.

I'm sorry I went drinking
with Karl Rove...

on Valentine's day.

I'm sorry that I said
your favorite movie was lame.

Mars Attacks! is awesome!

Now admit that I'm better
at the piano

- than you are at the flute.
- Never.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Follow this, you turkey.

♪ ♪

All right, damn it.
You are better.

I'll see what
I can do, Jack.

Now get out of here
before this gets weird.

You're the turkey.

Know what, Mr. bag?

I will have a nice day!

I'm gonna hang you
in my kitchen

and fill you with other bags.

You will eat your family!

Hey, that's city property.
Put the saw down.

- No, I almost got him.
- Right now!

Don't think I won't
taser you, all right?

I've got OCD, and I love
doing paperwork.

Aah, it was worth it!

Avery?

Jack!
Oh, thank God!

I forgot the U.S.
country code,

but then I remembered
it's number one.

How are you calling me?

Nobody has ever seen
an iPhone.

I told them it was my razor.

I have to shave my legs with it,
but they have an app for that.

Oh, Avery, I'm sorry.
This is all my fault.

I told you to stay.

No, this is nobody's fault.

Except maybe that pansy
Harry Truman

for not taking down
this country

- when he had the chance.
- Truman!

Look, my battery's dying,

and the outlets here
are shaped weird.

And I don't think they have any
electricity in them anyway.

So I don't want you
to worry about me.

They actually love me here.

I already won
a North Korean Emmy.

So if I don't ever
make it home...

Avery, don't say that.

I spoke...
To Condoleezza.

Really?

Did you also call Sally Ride
and her sister?

Come on, Avery, not now.

I am going to
get you out of there.

You are married
to Jack Donaghy, damn it,

and the world doesn't get
to do this to us!

We control our fates!
We are in charge!

Avery?
Are you still there?

I'm sure her battery died right
after I finished that speech.

Just like I wanted it to.

Smooth move, Ferguson!
Ha ha ha!

- Smooth move, Ferguson.
- Mr. Jordan,

please let it go.
It's just a joke

it's not about the joke.

It's about what the joke
represents, you monsters!

What do you mean, sir?

I came back,
and you were fine without me.

You laughed without me!

And that was
our special thing!

But no, you thought
smooth move, Ferguson,

was so hilarious!

It wasn't.
It wasn't funny!

There, are you happy?

You just dropped a bomb, K.
Continue.

We were miserable
without you, sir.

"Smooth move, Ferguson"
was trying to fill a void

because Mr. Slattery's
political cartoons

weren't cutting it.

I can't draw hands.

You're the one
who makes us laugh.

Never go away again.

Don't ever tell me
what to do!

Quad hug, me in the middle!

Also, due to
a paperwork mix-up,

you will not be
getting paid this month.

I did it, Jack.
I got the bag.

You were right.
No matter how much

the gate is strait,

or who punishes the scrolls,

I am the captain
of my holes, or whatever.

We are in control!

No, we aren't.
I was wrong.

Condi tried, but Avery
plus freedom equals...

Frowny face.

I'm sorry, what's happening?

They're never going
to let her go.

Avery is now married
to Kim Jong-Il's son...

Kim Jong-Un.

What?

Nooo!

Mortality!

Smooth move, Ferguson.

Put that coffee down.

Coffee for closer only!

I'm here from Park and Kim.

I'm here on a mission
of mercy.

- Your name Levine?
- Yeah.

You call yourself a
salesman, you son of a bitch?

I don't have to listen
to this.

No, you don't, pal.
'Cause the good news is

you're fired!

Oh, have I got
your attention now?

- The leads are weak.
- The leads are weak?

You're weak!
Luke, I am your father.

Ghostbusters!
Let's go, black partner.

Sync by honeybunny | Corrected by Alice
www.addic7ed.com