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Ten minutes.
Ten minutes to air.
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00:00:03,724 --> 00:00:04,453
Cast will be changing.
3
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:12,980
Hey, you wanted to see me?
4
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:17,045
Does it seem weird in here to you?
5
00:00:29,949 --> 00:00:31,884
Everything look like a
Mexican soap opera.
6
00:00:33,293 --> 00:00:33,709
I don't know.
7
00:00:33,829 --> 00:00:34,405
Does it?
8
00:00:35,405 --> 00:00:37,997
God, I can see every line
and pore on your face.
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00:00:39,493 --> 00:00:41,844
It looks like a ymca climbing wall.
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00:00:42,733 --> 00:00:44,333
My face cream was recalled.
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00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,541
Apparently it was
destroying the lab rats.
12
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,382
What is that word?
13
00:00:48,781 --> 00:00:49,285
Brains.
14
00:00:50,821 --> 00:00:53,300
I just wanted to let you know
that while Avery is pregnant, I
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00:00:53,405 --> 00:00:54,493
am giving up drinking.
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00:00:55,125 --> 00:00:56,821
She can't drink, I won't drink.
17
00:00:57,406 --> 00:00:57,869
Wow.
18
00:00:58,165 --> 00:00:59,989
I don't know this f that's
a good idea for you.
19
00:01:01,029 --> 00:01:03,862
Remember what happened that time I
tried to give up refined sugars?
20
00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:07,012
Hey, looking good, Liz.
21
00:01:12,148 --> 00:01:15,080
Our bodies, we don't want
all that processed junk.
22
00:01:15,272 --> 00:01:18,471
I don't know if you've read Michael Pollan...
Who wants donuts?
23
00:01:19,696 --> 00:01:21,302
I'll kill you!
24
00:01:25,903 --> 00:01:27,838
Why are you better-looking
in your memory?
25
00:01:28,519 --> 00:01:29,863
My memory has Seinfeld money.
26
00:01:31,976 --> 00:01:33,038
Well, don't worry for me.
27
00:01:33,167 --> 00:01:35,087
Drinking has always
been about the ritual.
28
00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:38,422
I just have to replace the
ritual, and Avery got me this
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00:01:38,495 --> 00:01:42,408
nice tea set, some knitting
needles and yarn and a book on
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sleight-of-hand magic.
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00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:47,799
Dah dah, dah, dah dah dah.
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That's as far as I've gotten.
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Okay. Well, if that's it,
I'm going to go downstairs.
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00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,286
Yeah, have a good show.
35
00:01:59,688 --> 00:02:01,272
I'm dreading watching it sober.
36
00:02:05,568 --> 00:02:08,448
Hey, Jack knows it's
my birthday, right?
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Hmm, let me see.
38
00:02:10,623 --> 00:02:14,023
I have my master list of
staff birthdays right here.
39
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:15,312
Oh, no.
40
00:02:15,631 --> 00:02:17,576
I seem to have forgotten to put on it.
41
00:02:18,391 --> 00:02:20,992
Is this because of that
joke I made the other day?
42
00:02:22,397 --> 00:02:23,581
Jonathan, give me a pen?
43
00:02:24,574 --> 00:02:26,294
Yeah, chai boy, get in here.
44
00:02:28,485 --> 00:02:30,766
You'll never be a millionaire.
45
00:02:32,357 --> 00:02:33,166
Ha-ha!
46
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"Slumdog millionaire".
47
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Slammo.
48
00:02:41,798 --> 00:02:44,336
I don't know what you're talking about.
Whatever.
49
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Jack will remember my birthday
because we're friends.
50
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Also, it's a pretty big birthday.
51
00:02:49,510 --> 00:02:51,758
Are you turning 1,000?
52
00:02:52,893 --> 00:02:55,423
Really, you want to play this
game with a comedy writer?
53
00:03:04,169 --> 00:03:04,696
♪ Doo doo doo doo dah ♪
54
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♪ live show it's the "30 rock"
live show it's "30 rock" live ♪
55
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,240
♪ why, though, do a
"30 rock" live show?
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Why "30 rock" live? ♪
57
00:03:17,144 --> 00:03:19,768
♪ because this is my gift
to you our audience! ♪
58
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:30,120
hi, jawed weeing.
59
00:03:30,224 --> 00:03:31,640
Hi, Jadwiga.
Hello.
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00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,801
I haven't seen you in a while.
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00:03:34,288 --> 00:03:36,440
Brain move.
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00:03:37,528 --> 00:03:38,665
Much hospital.
63
00:03:39,457 --> 00:03:41,568
I'm glad to see you back.
64
00:03:42,049 --> 00:03:43,713
Oh, you know, I wanted to let
you know there's probably going
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to be some kind of a party later
because it's my birthday.
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00:03:46,913 --> 00:03:47,696
Oh.
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00:03:48,537 --> 00:03:52,169
"Happy days" is my favorite show.
68
00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:56,921
Yes "happy days" it's a great
show, but there might be a mess,
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00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,360
and...
Are we understanding each other?
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00:04:00,721 --> 00:04:02,355
Yes, yes.
I clean you now?
71
00:04:03,224 --> 00:04:03,728
No.
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00:04:04,081 --> 00:04:05,025
You don't have to clean me.
73
00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:06,857
I'm just saying you may have to
clean up after a surprise party
74
00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:08,666
later because it's my birthday,
75
00:04:09,009 --> 00:04:10,082
and it's a big one.
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Wah!
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What are we doing, Jadwiga?
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I like fonzi.
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00:04:17,721 --> 00:04:18,521
Okay.
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00:04:25,161 --> 00:04:26,208
Good talk, Jadwiga.
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00:04:26,721 --> 00:04:27,440
Ah!
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Got your messages.
83
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:39,530
A Mr. Brett Favre stopped by, and
dropped off this picture of a hot dog.
84
00:04:40,089 --> 00:04:41,609
Finally.
85
00:04:42,472 --> 00:04:45,721
Oh, and the Chilean miners are
all out, and they're angry
86
00:04:45,802 --> 00:04:47,616
about what you've been
saying about them.
87
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:50,160
I guess they're geniuses for
getting stuck in a mine.
88
00:04:51,736 --> 00:04:54,425
Oh, also your pharmacy called,
and apparently you can't
89
00:04:54,529 --> 00:04:56,025
get a prescription for ecstacy.
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00:04:57,985 --> 00:04:59,528
Thanks, Obama care.
91
00:05:01,096 --> 00:05:03,456
If you need somebody to
scream at, I'm right here.
92
00:05:07,345 --> 00:05:08,745
Hello, Ms. lemon.
93
00:05:10,752 --> 00:05:11,681
What's up, giggly?
94
00:05:12,338 --> 00:05:13,208
I don't know.
95
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:18,776
Mr. Hornberger needs to see you many Mr.
Jordan's dressing room right away.
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00:05:19,232 --> 00:05:21,457
I wonder why.
I don't know.
97
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,160
You better find out.
98
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,480
Surprise, Liz.
99
00:05:29,776 --> 00:05:32,040
Tracy has come up with a
new way to ruin the show.
100
00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:32,960
What?
101
00:05:33,064 --> 00:05:33,576
No, no.
102
00:05:33,673 --> 00:05:36,120
I told you, your lizard
cannot be the musical guest.
103
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:37,201
Of course, not.
104
00:05:37,312 --> 00:05:39,432
His album doesn't drop until December.
105
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:41,640
No, no, Liz.
106
00:05:41,737 --> 00:05:45,192
Last night for the first time
ever Tracy watched the non-porn
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00:05:45,289 --> 00:05:47,057
version of the "Carol Burnett show".
108
00:05:47,457 --> 00:05:51,009
It was funnier than the porn
version, and the best part is
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00:05:51,105 --> 00:05:52,833
when the actors started cracking up.
110
00:05:52,904 --> 00:05:55,400
They laughed so hard they
couldn't even finish the skit.
111
00:05:55,976 --> 00:05:57,065
Your point is?
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I would like to do that, please.
113
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Do what?
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00:06:01,664 --> 00:06:03,936
Crack up instead of saying
these stupid lines I wrote.
115
00:06:04,617 --> 00:06:07,329
Stupid lines I wrote, and,
no, we're not doing that.
116
00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:10,776
You never take my
creative suggestions.
117
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:12,776
The only her one I can
remember is when you wanted me
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00:06:12,865 --> 00:06:15,184
to hire those two strippers
to dance behind you.
119
00:06:15,617 --> 00:06:16,673
You should have.
120
00:06:16,799 --> 00:06:18,336
Those dudes were awesome.
121
00:06:19,481 --> 00:06:21,185
So is my crack-up idea.
122
00:06:21,456 --> 00:06:21,912
Okay.
123
00:06:22,016 --> 00:06:25,018
Tracy, what are you talking
about is called breaking, and,
124
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you know, sure, audiences love
it when something goes wrong.
125
00:06:29,408 --> 00:06:31,080
We don't do that here.
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00:06:31,945 --> 00:06:34,409
It's cheap, okay, so no breaking.
127
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Promise?
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00:06:35,664 --> 00:06:36,674
I promise.
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00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,201
I swear on my mother's grave.
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00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:41,616
Did you say grave or grape?
131
00:06:41,745 --> 00:06:42,722
Yes, good-bye.
132
00:06:47,216 --> 00:06:49,200
Gentlemen, tonight I'm going
to laugh harder than I did at
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Dotcom's play.
134
00:06:51,505 --> 00:06:53,808
It was "angels in America," trey.
135
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,016
Oh, Ms. Lemon.
136
00:07:01,137 --> 00:07:02,722
Mr. Donaghy called.
137
00:07:02,832 --> 00:07:04,178
Why are you giggling like that?
138
00:07:04,248 --> 00:07:05,088
It's very misleading.
139
00:07:05,193 --> 00:07:07,649
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
140
00:07:07,808 --> 00:07:10,841
It's just Mr. Lutz is wearing
the most hilarious t-shirt, and
141
00:07:10,937 --> 00:07:13,592
every time I see it,
well, just take a look.
142
00:07:14,209 --> 00:07:15,264
Ha!
143
00:07:16,401 --> 00:07:18,680
It's stupid.
144
00:07:19,736 --> 00:07:20,777
That guy is stupid.
145
00:07:21,554 --> 00:07:23,617
Now, she's stupid.
146
00:07:23,856 --> 00:07:24,729
Now they are.
147
00:07:24,872 --> 00:07:26,129
Now I were.
148
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:32,384
Anyway, Mr. Donaghy called while
you were in with Mr. Jordan.
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00:07:32,504 --> 00:07:33,640
He needs to see you right away.
150
00:07:34,064 --> 00:07:35,088
Liz.
151
00:07:36,232 --> 00:07:36,945
I almost forgot.
152
00:07:37,513 --> 00:07:38,456
Happy Birthday.
153
00:07:39,097 --> 00:07:42,632
The song, legal says we can't use
it in the sketch, but we can
154
00:07:42,737 --> 00:07:46,416
use "it's your b-day,
bitch" by Snooki's mom.
155
00:07:49,313 --> 00:07:52,145
Did I just hear that correctly,
because last year I
156
00:07:52,249 --> 00:07:54,600
wrote a song called "it's
your birthday slut."
157
00:07:55,065 --> 00:07:57,601
Does her track sound
anything like this?
158
00:07:57,688 --> 00:08:00,840
♪ You say that it's your birthday
time to skank it up harrrd ♪
159
00:08:17,471 --> 00:08:19,240
Did you just nip that?
160
00:08:20,321 --> 00:08:21,137
I need a drink, Lemon.
161
00:08:22,449 --> 00:08:23,184
Oh, already?
162
00:08:23,257 --> 00:08:23,648
Okay.
163
00:08:23,721 --> 00:08:26,385
We can...
It turns out it's not the ritual.
164
00:08:26,744 --> 00:08:30,287
According it a bunch of on-line
questionnaires, I have a drinking problem.
165
00:08:31,289 --> 00:08:32,751
Oh, God.
I have a splitting headache.
166
00:08:33,634 --> 00:08:34,824
Okay.
Replace the ritual.
167
00:08:35,257 --> 00:08:36,969
Replace the ritual.
Can you come over here, please?
168
00:08:48,553 --> 00:08:49,673
Finish the magic book?
169
00:08:49,776 --> 00:08:50,905
I cannot divulge my secrets.
170
00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:53,328
I don't want to let Avery down.
171
00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:54,809
But this is hard.
172
00:08:55,272 --> 00:08:56,729
Distract me, Lemon.
173
00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:57,921
Entertain me.
174
00:08:58,481 --> 00:08:58,728
Okay.
175
00:08:58,841 --> 00:09:02,056
Open on...
The covent garden flower market!
176
00:09:02,184 --> 00:09:02,721
The year?
177
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:03,929
1892!
178
00:09:04,073 --> 00:09:05,880
[ Cockney accent ]
179
00:09:06,105 --> 00:09:07,392
Flowers!
Flowers for sale!
180
00:09:07,617 --> 00:09:08,649
Get out of here!
181
00:09:14,009 --> 00:09:15,420
Did he remember your birthday?
182
00:09:15,961 --> 00:09:17,009
Oh, come on.
183
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:24,168
What's up, New York?
184
00:09:24,305 --> 00:09:25,776
Tracy Jordan in the house!
185
00:09:31,409 --> 00:09:32,889
You're the real stars!
186
00:09:33,329 --> 00:09:34,033
Not really!
187
00:09:35,793 --> 00:09:37,065
Fox news.
188
00:09:37,321 --> 00:09:39,200
A division of fox
nonsense, incorporated.
189
00:09:40,801 --> 00:09:42,193
Welcome back to fox news.
190
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,536
I'm blonde.
191
00:09:46,441 --> 00:09:50,472
President Obama, in your own
words, why are you a terrorist
192
00:09:50,593 --> 00:09:52,081
that hates America?
193
00:09:52,913 --> 00:09:54,313
That's an excellent question.
194
00:09:54,465 --> 00:09:56,153
Uh-oh!
195
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,025
I'm doing something called "breaking"!
196
00:09:59,304 --> 00:10:00,464
Bwah-ha-ha!
197
00:10:01,289 --> 00:10:02,144
Snort!
198
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,673
Hee-hee!
Giggle-giggle!
199
00:10:03,848 --> 00:10:05,337
The audience loves this.
200
00:10:09,761 --> 00:10:10,753
Oh, that idiot.
201
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,568
Fine.
Just go to commercial.
202
00:10:12,817 --> 00:10:13,522
Go to commercial.
203
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,391
Erectile dysfunction.
204
00:10:18,249 --> 00:10:20,649
It's not just a dog problem anymore.
205
00:10:21,385 --> 00:10:23,673
It also affects millions of men.
Hello.
206
00:10:24,405 --> 00:10:26,471
I'm "doctor" Leo spaceman.
207
00:10:27,297 --> 00:10:31,103
For too long, E.D.
has been viewed as a physical problem.
208
00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:34,960
And it's been treated with pills
and ointments and contraptions
209
00:10:35,056 --> 00:10:37,401
whose straps break all too easily.
210
00:10:37,952 --> 00:10:40,857
But couldn't the real cause of E.D.
be that we haven't
211
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:45,137
produced a good doing-it song since
"close the door" by Teddy Pendergrass?
212
00:10:45,832 --> 00:10:47,744
That's why I recorded an album.
213
00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:54,929
♪ Baby, let's take it slow
you know we got all night ♪
214
00:10:55,449 --> 00:10:58,801
♪ light some candles draw
a bath and start off
215
00:10:58,944 --> 00:11:00,817
with full-on intercourse! ♪
216
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,705
Guaranteed to end erectile
dysfunction, these are the sweet
217
00:11:05,785 --> 00:11:11,529
sounds of "Dr. Leo spaceman's love storm:
An ultra-strength "audio rebonulator."
218
00:11:13,112 --> 00:11:19,945
♪ Baby let's let the dog watch us do you think
he understands the love that we have? ♪
219
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:24,144
♪ oops, I'm finished
call yourself a cab ♪
220
00:11:31,879 --> 00:11:32,872
Hey, idiot!
221
00:11:34,086 --> 00:11:37,222
Liz, I know we're not usually
the most grateful bunch, but
222
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:42,223
everybody is signing this birthday
card for Jadwiga, the cleaning lady.
223
00:11:43,222 --> 00:11:44,415
Wow.
224
00:11:44,535 --> 00:11:45,415
Jadwiga's birthday.
225
00:11:49,119 --> 00:11:51,398
Tracy! You should be
ashamed of yourself.
226
00:11:52,022 --> 00:11:52,743
I can't be.
227
00:11:52,839 --> 00:11:54,343
I'm missing that part of my brain.
228
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:56,215
Why are you doing this?
229
00:11:56,631 --> 00:11:58,007
Why does anybody do anything?
230
00:11:58,255 --> 00:12:01,039
They're rich or have
attention deficit disorder.
231
00:12:01,127 --> 00:12:02,095
Look at Liz's shirt.
232
00:12:04,887 --> 00:12:06,774
You are ruining the show.
233
00:12:06,903 --> 00:12:08,164
No more laughing.
All right.
234
00:12:08,831 --> 00:12:10,309
No more laughing.
I promise.
235
00:12:10,974 --> 00:12:11,767
Krout's honor.
236
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:14,526
Did you say scout or...
237
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:22,350
Carol, I knew you
wouldn't forget me today.
238
00:12:22,694 --> 00:12:23,942
No nonessential chatter, Liz.
239
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,039
I am having the worst
flight of my career.
240
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:30,472
We good wind shears, lightning,
severe turbulence.
241
00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,734
The in-flight meal was a frittata.
242
00:12:33,591 --> 00:12:34,366
Oh, my God.
243
00:12:34,478 --> 00:12:35,231
At night?
244
00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:37,854
Lizzie, if something were to
happen, I want you to know that
245
00:12:37,951 --> 00:12:42,511
I... I need you to go to my
apartment and just clear out all
246
00:12:42,614 --> 00:12:44,951
the porn before my mom gets there.
247
00:12:45,814 --> 00:12:47,160
That's it?
Yeah.
248
00:12:47,598 --> 00:12:48,654
I also need you to TiVo "bones"
249
00:12:48,765 --> 00:12:50,367
for me in case I survive.
250
00:12:51,127 --> 00:12:53,495
You know what, Carol, today is
a very special day, and you
251
00:12:53,558 --> 00:12:55,376
should have known that, and you
should also than you can't use
252
00:12:55,486 --> 00:12:56,551
cell phones on planes.
253
00:12:57,238 --> 00:12:59,390
No, that's just something
we tell passengers.
254
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,198
I think I just screwed up
something with my girlfriend.
255
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,079
You know, I have always loved you.
256
00:13:11,175 --> 00:13:14,047
Not now, Kevin.
Copy that.
257
00:13:21,087 --> 00:13:24,167
Liz, how could you let
Tracy do that to me?
258
00:13:24,398 --> 00:13:26,839
I am a professional, Liz.
259
00:13:27,047 --> 00:13:30,238
I have never broken during
a performance, ever.
260
00:13:30,831 --> 00:13:34,350
I was on stage in "pippin" with
Irene Ryan when she died, and I
261
00:13:34,463 --> 00:13:35,398
kept on going.
262
00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:38,310
That is why you are so amazing.
263
00:13:38,654 --> 00:13:39,711
I will never break, Liz.
264
00:13:39,839 --> 00:13:42,415
But if he pulls that stunt
again, I will have a wardrobe
265
00:13:42,471 --> 00:13:43,782
malfunction.
266
00:13:43,887 --> 00:13:45,752
I will slip a nip, Liz.
267
00:13:45,872 --> 00:13:48,623
So help me, I will slip a nip.
268
00:13:51,663 --> 00:13:53,278
Hi, Jadwiga.
How are you?
269
00:14:01,854 --> 00:14:03,127
Are you sniffing paint?
270
00:14:03,614 --> 00:14:04,486
Of course I am!
271
00:14:04,599 --> 00:14:06,047
Men need alcohol.
272
00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:08,167
It's the first thing every
civilization makes along with
273
00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:11,238
weapons and shelters
to enjoy prostitutes.
274
00:14:12,335 --> 00:14:14,168
I don't know how much
more of this Ian take.
275
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:15,759
This is the worst day of my life.
276
00:14:16,118 --> 00:14:17,767
Your life?
Of your life?
277
00:14:18,318 --> 00:14:20,236
Oh, God. How are we going
to make this about you?
278
00:14:20,494 --> 00:14:21,438
It's my birthday, Jack!
279
00:14:21,511 --> 00:14:24,150
It's my 40th birthday,
and no one remembered!
280
00:14:24,303 --> 00:14:25,511
Damn you, she-beasts!
281
00:14:27,390 --> 00:14:29,694
What?
You and Avery.
282
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,927
You lay these traps to make me fail!
283
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:36,854
I'm sorry I forgot
your birthday, Lemon.
284
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,065
It's not my best day.
I'm not myself right now.
285
00:14:39,263 --> 00:14:42,910
Please accept this $1,000
as my gift to you.
286
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:46,671
I will take this on principle,
but it doesn't fix anything.
287
00:14:47,591 --> 00:14:48,182
What can I tell you?
288
00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:49,975
This is what happens to people
like us who put work ahead of
289
00:14:50,118 --> 00:14:51,022
everything else.
290
00:14:51,118 --> 00:14:53,167
You know where I spent
my 40th birthday?
291
00:14:53,319 --> 00:14:54,063
In my office.
292
00:14:54,158 --> 00:14:54,959
All night.
293
00:14:56,255 --> 00:14:58,887
♪
294
00:15:01,582 --> 00:15:03,623
Wow.
You were really fit back then.
295
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,070
Yes, but my penis was smaller.
296
00:15:12,015 --> 00:15:14,390
Look, Jack, I'm not trying
to make you feel guilty.
297
00:15:14,504 --> 00:15:15,871
I mean, I know who I am.
298
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:18,062
I know I'm not the funnest
person in the group.
299
00:15:18,175 --> 00:15:22,798
I'm not the one you call when you want to go
club OGT town and party dancing all night.
300
00:15:23,062 --> 00:15:25,159
Why are you speaking like
a persian immigrant?
301
00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:29,750
But I thought I at least these
dummies would do something
302
00:15:29,871 --> 00:15:32,935
instead of light fires
I have to put out.
303
00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:36,223
I thought when I turned 40...
40.
304
00:15:36,623 --> 00:15:38,671
I could really drink
a forty right now.
305
00:15:43,279 --> 00:15:46,862
Oprah, this is what the inside
of a child's face looks like.
306
00:15:46,974 --> 00:15:47,975
Oh, no!
307
00:15:48,799 --> 00:15:50,800
My Oprah wig is falling off!
308
00:15:51,806 --> 00:15:53,279
This is an exciting mishap!
309
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,414
This is live!
310
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:58,381
What the blurg?
Oh.
311
00:16:00,782 --> 00:16:03,576
Jenna, have you been drinking?
312
00:16:03,646 --> 00:16:04,695
No, Jack.
313
00:16:04,799 --> 00:16:06,582
I mean, I had a bottle
of wine with dinner.
314
00:16:08,618 --> 00:16:09,457
Can I smell your mouth?
315
00:16:10,377 --> 00:16:11,745
I thought you'd never ask.
316
00:16:15,985 --> 00:16:17,218
Thank you.
I really needed that.
317
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:19,890
I have been giving up drinking while Avery
is pregnant, and it's really, really hard.
318
00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:23,714
Of course. But caring about
someone means making sacrifices.
319
00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:29,937
Being with Paul has taught me that.
320
00:16:30,593 --> 00:16:32,313
It's made me more mature and...
Oh, no, Tracy.
321
00:16:32,401 --> 00:16:33,706
It is nipple time!
322
00:16:36,153 --> 00:16:37,889
Now my moustache is ask!
323
00:16:38,073 --> 00:16:40,233
Oops, that thing fell off!
324
00:16:40,507 --> 00:16:41,697
And that thing, too!
325
00:16:41,938 --> 00:16:43,376
Uh-oh!
326
00:16:44,065 --> 00:16:47,218
My shirt is accidentally falling off!
327
00:16:47,585 --> 00:16:48,657
Ha ha ha!
328
00:16:55,537 --> 00:16:56,521
I warned you, Liz!
329
00:16:56,610 --> 00:16:57,441
And now I'm slipping a nip!
330
00:16:57,545 --> 00:16:59,097
The big one!
331
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:01,153
Go to commercial!
Go!
332
00:17:03,473 --> 00:17:05,369
Hi, I'm Dr. Drew Baird.
333
00:17:07,954 --> 00:17:11,945
Every year, dozens of people
lose a hand to a helicopter or
334
00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:13,313
fireworks mishap.
335
00:17:13,441 --> 00:17:15,017
Or, in my case, both.
336
00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:16,937
But now there's hope.
337
00:17:17,665 --> 00:17:20,219
Thanks to an idea that started
as a pitch for a horror movie
338
00:17:20,336 --> 00:17:23,106
and grew into a charitable
organization, hands from
339
00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:25,705
executed criminals are now
making life better for people
340
00:17:25,818 --> 00:17:27,121
all over the world.
341
00:17:27,849 --> 00:17:29,785
People like me.
342
00:17:31,857 --> 00:17:33,465
But we can't do it
without your support.
343
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,177
So give...
And give someone a hand.
344
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:41,002
Sorry. I'm trying to
do a thumbs-up here.
345
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:43,866
Oh, no.
That's a black power thing.
346
00:17:44,761 --> 00:17:47,904
No.
Why are you doing this?
347
00:17:48,369 --> 00:17:49,246
No.
Bad hand!
348
00:17:52,393 --> 00:17:53,617
Oh, God, it's got my testicles!
349
00:17:58,318 --> 00:18:00,470
Listen up.
We forgot Liz Lemon's birthday.
350
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,062
Her 40th birthday.
351
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,022
How?!
352
00:18:04,215 --> 00:18:05,390
You gave me your list!
353
00:18:05,478 --> 00:18:06,982
Enough!
354
00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:09,126
Never mind how it happened.
That's water under the bridge.
355
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:11,558
I'm sorry, we don't have
that expression in Canada.
356
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,310
Does it mean that what happened can
be used to power a lumbermill?
357
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:20,158
It means that we're going to do
something nice for our friend
358
00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:21,991
Liz Lemon, because she
takes care of us.
359
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,018
We're going to take care
of her, even if we are
360
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,934
currently sober for the
first time in ten years.
361
00:18:26,902 --> 00:18:29,583
Not me. I just got my
ten-year drunk chip.
362
00:18:31,038 --> 00:18:32,038
Thank you.
363
00:18:32,094 --> 00:18:33,174
Pete, what can you pull together?
364
00:18:33,255 --> 00:18:35,244
Is there time to do something
for Liz on air? Not really.
365
00:18:35,510 --> 00:18:38,631
I mean, I could cut the product
placement for capital one.
366
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:40,086
Oh, you can't do that.
367
00:18:40,182 --> 00:18:41,926
The capital one venture
card is amazing.
368
00:18:42,277 --> 00:18:44,741
They give double miles every
day for every purchase!
369
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:53,720
Or the cast could say
something during goodnights.
370
00:18:53,855 --> 00:18:56,351
No, it has to be big enough that Liz
will believe we planned it all along.
371
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,511
I've got an idea!
372
00:18:59,807 --> 00:19:00,806
What...
373
00:19:01,134 --> 00:19:01,846
If...
374
00:19:02,326 --> 00:19:04,197
We...
375
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:05,486
Spit it out!
376
00:19:07,069 --> 00:19:08,430
Please set yourself for goodnight.
377
00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:11,790
[ Phone rings ]
378
00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:15,935
Did you crash?
No, but it was pretty scary.
379
00:19:16,814 --> 00:19:19,613
I mean, not like the stuff I saw
in the air force, of course.
380
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,007
Like this one time a bunch of us
pilots got together and went to
381
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,566
a haunted house in Germany.
382
00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:25,375
It was messed up.
383
00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:27,998
Today is my birthday, Carol.
384
00:19:28,622 --> 00:19:30,447
It's your birthday.
Dammit.
385
00:19:30,678 --> 00:19:32,022
I'm sorry.
386
00:19:32,135 --> 00:19:33,814
Happy Birthday, Lizzie.
387
00:19:33,935 --> 00:19:34,821
Don't worry about it.
388
00:19:34,927 --> 00:19:38,447
I've known these dummies a lot longer,
and none of them... Oh, my God.
389
00:19:43,086 --> 00:19:44,375
You did remember.
390
00:19:44,806 --> 00:19:46,231
Wait. Wait.
What's happening there?
391
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:47,383
Is that a surprise party?
392
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:48,311
Surprise!
393
00:19:49,174 --> 00:19:50,029
I was totally in on it.
394
00:19:50,134 --> 00:19:51,157
It was really expensive.
395
00:19:55,046 --> 00:19:55,950
Happy Birthday, Lemon.
396
00:19:56,551 --> 00:19:58,190
You... you knew all along?
397
00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:02,245
Come on, you didn't think
we'd forget, did you?
398
00:20:02,613 --> 00:20:03,510
30 seconds!
399
00:20:03,838 --> 00:20:04,735
Is that a polka band?
400
00:20:04,879 --> 00:20:05,686
Happy Birthday!
401
00:20:06,879 --> 00:20:08,385
Wait a minute.
Wait.
402
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,326
Why is Henry Winkler on my cake?
403
00:20:12,334 --> 00:20:14,518
I like fonzi.
404
00:20:17,117 --> 00:20:18,798
This is supposed to be for Jadwiga.
405
00:20:19,270 --> 00:20:21,255
No, everybody loves the fonz!
406
00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:22,358
10 seconds!
407
00:20:22,983 --> 00:20:26,662
You stole an old cleaning lady's
birthday just to make me happy?
408
00:20:27,302 --> 00:20:29,117
In my defense, yes.
409
00:20:31,294 --> 00:20:33,174
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me!
410
00:20:34,606 --> 00:20:37,094
Five seconds.
Five, four, three...
411
00:20:38,166 --> 00:20:39,919
[ Jadwiga shouting in Polish ]
412
00:20:45,222 --> 00:20:48,463
On behalf of everyone "TGS", we want to...
Good night!
413
00:20:58,983 --> 00:21:02,478
Well, I know your birthday isn't what you
hoped, Lemon, but at least it was memorable.
414
00:21:03,039 --> 00:21:03,934
You know what?
415
00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:05,166
It was perfect.
416
00:21:05,391 --> 00:21:07,654
It was the best of both worlds.
417
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:12,102
It was... yeah, sorry.
418
00:21:13,374 --> 00:21:14,439
It's the best of both worlds.
419
00:21:14,533 --> 00:21:17,237
I got to feel martyred and Indig
napt all day, and I still got to
420
00:21:17,334 --> 00:21:18,439
eat cake off the floor.
421
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,734
I still have one birthday wish.
422
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,062
I want to you have a drink with me.
423
00:21:24,767 --> 00:21:27,614
Well, I know Avery doesn't
want me to, but it's dangerous
424
00:21:27,709 --> 00:21:29,750
to say no to an old spinster.
425
00:21:31,997 --> 00:21:32,886
You might turn me into a crow.
426
00:21:33,015 --> 00:21:35,214
To you, Liz Lemon.
427
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:37,054
You're halfway to death.
428
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:42,982
That's more like it.
429
00:21:45,414 --> 00:21:46,591
Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
430
00:21:47,424 --> 00:21:51,423
thank you to Matt Damon, Rachel, bill,
John, Julia Luis Drefes. Everyone on NBC.
431
00:21:51,632 --> 00:21:55,760
SNL crew, I love you.
432
00:21:55,810 --> 00:22:00,360
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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