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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.MY-SUBS.com
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[ROCK MUSIC]
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00:00:13,741 --> 00:00:16,628
Okay, this guy set his
ex-girlfriend's piano on fire.
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00:00:16,629 --> 00:00:19,363
That sucks, but I got
music to your ears.
5
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This car is parked in
front of a fire hydrant.
6
00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:23,489
- [LAUGHS]
- Hey yo!
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00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,023
Hello, beautiful.
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Are you kidding me? A Lambo.
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Do we push it out of the way?
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00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,963
Probie, there is no more
offensive violation than
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00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:33,767
parking in front of a hydrant,
especially in this car.
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00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:35,231
You know, we legally get
to smash both the windows
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00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:36,401
and hook the hose up to the hydrant.
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Yeah we do. [CHUCKLES]
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Rock, paper, scissors.
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00:00:39,069 --> 00:00:41,069
There's too many of us.
Let's do odd finger.
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00:00:41,070 --> 00:00:44,075
Ones and twos on throw. Ready?
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One, two, three, throw.
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Oh, Mickleberry, you
lucky son of a bitch.
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Is it really that good?
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Does a penguin shit in the ice?
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Come on. There's something on fire.
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- Let's go.
- Mickleberry, enjoy yourself.
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You'll always remember your first time.
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♪ ♪
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00:01:03,247 --> 00:01:05,696
Sorry probie, you don't
have the proper tool.
27
00:01:05,697 --> 00:01:06,964
Yeah, there you go, Cap.
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00:01:06,972 --> 00:01:10,174
Allow me to finish it off. [LAUGHTER]
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Show him how it's done, Cap.
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- [GROANS]
- Ooh, whoo!
31
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- [LAUGHS]
- That made my knees buckle.
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How'd that feel, big boy, huh?
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Come on, come on, come on.
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00:01:19,970 --> 00:01:21,303
♪ ♪
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ALL: [MOANING]
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- That is such a good doorgasm.
- Look at that.
37
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It was unlocked this whole time.
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Who'd leave a car like this unlocked?
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Who cares?
40
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Anybody have a cigarette?
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[FOREIGNER'S "HOT BLOODED"]
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♪ ♪
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♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
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00:01:46,257 --> 00:01:48,657
♪ Check it and see ♪
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♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
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♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
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Are you wearing new cologne?
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I am wearing something new, yes,
49
00:02:01,432 --> 00:02:03,370
But it's not cologne. It's body spray.
50
00:02:03,371 --> 00:02:05,245
- Same thing.
- No, it's not the same thing.
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00:02:05,246 --> 00:02:06,548
It's only cologne
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00:02:06,549 --> 00:02:08,319
if it comes from the
cologne region of Germany.
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00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:09,661
Just like it's only champagne
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00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:11,577
If it comes from the
champagne region of France.
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Oh, it's like Kleenex.
It's only Kleenex if it
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00:02:13,912 --> 00:02:15,566
comes from the kleenex
region of luxembourg.
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00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:16,700
- Really?
- Yeah.
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00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:18,259
It was in last week's wordle.
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00:02:18,449 --> 00:02:20,785
I didn't even realize that's
how you pronounce Luxembourg.
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00:02:20,786 --> 00:02:22,882
Hey, look who I found.
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Hey, it's the commiss.
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It's finally official.
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The Penisi legacy will live forever.
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Oh, you freezing your sperm? [LAUGHS]
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Shut up, Terry. The
city is naming the street
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00:02:37,253 --> 00:02:41,162
outside the station
after my father Giuseppe
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to honor his service as a firefighter.
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00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:46,112
- Oh.
- It's finally certified.
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00:02:46,113 --> 00:02:49,333
- Congratulations.
- Giuseppe Penisi way. Hmm.
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They should've just
gone with Penisi Street.
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- Am I right?
- [LAUGHS]
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00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:54,696
- That would've been hilarious.
- Hmm.
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00:02:54,697 --> 00:02:57,808
Lucy, how I wish you'd
have met my father.
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00:02:57,809 --> 00:03:00,048
- Hmm.
- Giuseppe Penisi was
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00:03:00,049 --> 00:03:04,452
so full of moral fiber, he
literally shat the truth.
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00:03:04,453 --> 00:03:06,520
Oh, sounds like a hell of a party trick.
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00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:07,818
It's true though.
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00:03:07,819 --> 00:03:09,018
Giuseppe Penisi wrote
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00:03:09,019 --> 00:03:10,827
the Tacoma Firefighter Code.
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00:03:12,952 --> 00:03:16,094
"As a firefighter, I will
serve the public trust
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00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,976
"with honor and integrity...
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"And vow to always protect
Tacoma's people and property
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00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:23,084
"through the faithful performance
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"of my duties in the fire service."
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Always have services for all.
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00:03:28,549 --> 00:03:31,815
That man lived his life by the code.
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Unlike my jerk offspring
here who wastes his life
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00:03:35,981 --> 00:03:37,714
pulling moronic pranks
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00:03:37,715 --> 00:03:39,957
and setting his own station on fire.
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00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:41,849
What the hell, Dad? We were having fun.
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00:03:41,850 --> 00:03:43,984
I'm only kidding.
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00:03:43,985 --> 00:03:45,718
I'm in a great mood.
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From this moment forward,
this station now resides
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At 4791 Giuseppe Penisi way.
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00:03:53,044 --> 00:03:55,178
You know, I still
remember the day he died.
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00:03:55,179 --> 00:03:57,446
He chased me around the
garden with a bug sprayer and
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00:03:57,447 --> 00:04:00,162
an orange peel in his mouth
and then he had a heart attack.
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00:04:00,163 --> 00:04:01,829
Wasn't that Marlon Brando
in the "Godfather?"
99
00:04:01,830 --> 00:04:03,830
Where do you think they got it from?
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00:04:04,012 --> 00:04:06,852
That's how cool Giuseppe was.
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00:04:07,787 --> 00:04:10,453
- Tootles.
- Learn the Firefighter Code.
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♪ ♪
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00:04:12,856 --> 00:04:15,561
One week old corn on the cob
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00:04:15,562 --> 00:04:19,023
from buck-an-ear day at Pirate World.
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00:04:19,024 --> 00:04:21,869
Bidding starts at $10.
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00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,604
- No way! Maybe 50.
- Ten. I got it for ten.
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00:04:24,605 --> 00:04:26,205
Whoa. Winner.
108
00:04:26,206 --> 00:04:30,208
Ike, my friend, you may eat it.
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00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,270
Eat it, eat it!
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00:04:33,616 --> 00:04:34,696
Wow.
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00:04:34,706 --> 00:04:36,706
That looks nasty.
112
00:04:36,707 --> 00:04:39,292
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it!
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00:04:39,396 --> 00:04:42,284
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it!
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00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:46,160
[CHEERS AND GROANS]
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Open wide.
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00:04:48,124 --> 00:04:50,591
[CHEERING]
117
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- He did it! Whoo.
- Yeah.
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00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:55,525
All right, man.
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00:04:55,526 --> 00:04:58,231
Okay, guys. This one
is hot off the press.
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00:04:58,232 --> 00:04:59,730
This is my dad's emergency candy
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00:04:59,731 --> 00:05:01,130
that he keeps in his wallet.
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00:05:01,131 --> 00:05:02,997
The wrapper is dissolved
and it spends about
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00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:05,399
ten hours a day pressed up
against the warmth of his ass.
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00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:09,135
Who will eat it for $20?
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00:05:09,136 --> 00:05:11,209
20. I got it for 20. Mine. It's mine.
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00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:12,366
Dude, have some self-respect.
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00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:15,034
You've eaten everything
today in an opening bid.
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00:05:15,035 --> 00:05:16,569
It's called winning. [LAUGHS]
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00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,151
No, I also do need to recoup
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00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,351
the $20,000 I lost in
the station fire, so...
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00:05:20,352 --> 00:05:21,597
- How's that going?
- Pretty good.
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00:05:21,598 --> 00:05:24,282
I'm up to $16,000 now,
which is not too shabby.
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00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,351
But this time I'm keeping all
my money locked in the bank.
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00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:30,432
And here comes another easy 20.
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00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:31,512
You know what I'm saying?
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00:05:31,513 --> 00:05:33,163
Oh, eat it, bitch.
137
00:05:33,164 --> 00:05:36,299
- Philly, philly, foo.
- ALL: [GROANING]
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00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:39,101
That's literally chief's
ass in your mouth right now.
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00:05:39,104 --> 00:05:40,498
I'm just gonna chew it.
140
00:05:41,654 --> 00:05:44,186
- What does it taste like?
- Toothpaste and feet.
141
00:05:44,740 --> 00:05:46,148
Oh, I feel nauseous.
142
00:05:46,149 --> 00:05:48,863
- Man, that was gross.
- Okay.
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00:05:49,068 --> 00:05:52,072
I have the next eat-it.
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00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:54,032
He always has good ones.
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00:05:54,033 --> 00:05:56,387
Ah, delivery for Station 24. [LAUGHS]
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00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:58,564
[VOCALIZES]
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00:05:58,565 --> 00:05:59,969
I don't get it. It's just a pizza.
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00:05:59,970 --> 00:06:01,636
This is not just any pizza.
149
00:06:01,637 --> 00:06:03,436
When we first started
playing, I ordered this pizza.
150
00:06:03,437 --> 00:06:05,371
And then two minutes
later, I called them back
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00:06:05,372 --> 00:06:07,732
And screamed my ass off at them
that it was taking too long.
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00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:10,513
Man, that thing is covered in
all sorts of bodily functions.
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00:06:10,514 --> 00:06:11,913
Correct. [LAUGHS]
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00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,795
- It's gonna be super gross.
- [GROANS]
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00:06:13,796 --> 00:06:16,397
- Hey-yo.
- Whoa, Chief's on the floor.
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00:06:16,630 --> 00:06:18,657
[GROANS]
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00:06:18,658 --> 00:06:20,278
Oh, you guys, check this out.
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00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:21,446
The workers found this locker
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00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,590
when they were doing the rebuild.
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00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,028
It was hidden inside the wall.
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00:06:24,029 --> 00:06:25,496
- Oh, cool.
- Weird?
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00:06:25,497 --> 00:06:27,952
- Hey, pizza.
- Oh, uh...
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00:06:27,953 --> 00:06:30,106
- Oh, look at this.
- Chief, Chief, Chief.
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00:06:30,107 --> 00:06:32,239
- I'm starving.
- ALL: [GROANING]
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00:06:34,498 --> 00:06:36,837
- Is there vinegar on this?
- Mm.
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00:06:36,838 --> 00:06:39,439
I'll get back to you
later. Okay, here we go.
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00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,048
Ready? [GRUNTS]
168
00:06:41,613 --> 00:06:43,660
- Well done.
- Drumroll please.
169
00:06:45,347 --> 00:06:46,998
- Oh, wow.
- Whoa.
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00:06:46,999 --> 00:06:50,026
It's a Tacoma Telegraph from 1933.
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00:06:50,027 --> 00:06:53,096
Oh, it's like a sports
almanac from 1933.
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00:06:53,097 --> 00:06:56,214
Cool. Yo, guys, we could use
this to bet on these games.
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00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,636
- You know?
- It doesn't work that way.
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00:06:57,637 --> 00:07:00,076
That's not what I said, Cap.
I said we could look at this
175
00:07:00,077 --> 00:07:02,108
to know the scores of the old games.
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00:07:03,377 --> 00:07:05,243
- What, Mickleberry?
- I'll tell you what though.
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00:07:05,244 --> 00:07:06,857
This thing is cool.
It's like a time Capsule.
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00:07:06,858 --> 00:07:08,325
What's this guy?
179
00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:10,200
Hopefully, it's a
treasure map or something.
180
00:07:10,201 --> 00:07:11,267
No, it's a painting.
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00:07:11,268 --> 00:07:14,199
Great. Art. Boring!
182
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,912
Hey, wait a second.
183
00:07:16,072 --> 00:07:17,806
Does this say, "Rembrandt?"
184
00:07:17,807 --> 00:07:20,406
Yeah, it's a Rembrandt. It's not real.
185
00:07:20,672 --> 00:07:22,005
It seems kind of real.
186
00:07:22,302 --> 00:07:25,209
_
187
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:27,463
Here's something about a fire at...
188
00:07:27,974 --> 00:07:30,324
- What's Tacomoa?
- The Tacoma Museum of Art.
189
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:34,060
Okay. "In 1933, a three-alarm
blaze destroyed a section
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00:07:34,061 --> 00:07:36,461
"of the Tacomoa and
several works of art,
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00:07:36,462 --> 00:07:38,396
"including one Rembrandt.
192
00:07:38,727 --> 00:07:40,932
"Portrait of a Man with Plumed Hat."
193
00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:43,533
Yeah and this dude is
definitely this dude here
194
00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:45,047
with the weak-ass moustache.
195
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,985
Do you think this is a real Rembrandt?
196
00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:49,484
Holy shit, it's right here.
197
00:07:49,485 --> 00:07:51,819
"The Tacoma Museum of
Art caught fire yesterday.
198
00:07:51,822 --> 00:07:54,489
"many valuable pieces
of art were destroyed.
199
00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:58,702
"if not for the brave
firemen of Station 24,
200
00:07:58,703 --> 00:08:00,692
Many more pieces would've been lost."
201
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,510
Whoa, guys.
202
00:08:02,511 --> 00:08:05,244
I think whoever owns this footlocker
stole this painting.
203
00:08:05,245 --> 00:08:07,245
Well, there's got to be
a name on this footlocker.
204
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,383
Let's find out who the
dirty firefighter is.
205
00:08:09,384 --> 00:08:10,384
Yeah.
206
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:17,594
♪ ♪
207
00:08:17,602 --> 00:08:20,336
Holy shit.
208
00:08:20,337 --> 00:08:21,814
Oh, my God.
209
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,774
My grandfather is the dirty firefighter
210
00:08:24,783 --> 00:08:26,589
who stole this painting.
211
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:30,449
♪ ♪
212
00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:34,617
Giuseppe was a man of honor.
213
00:08:34,618 --> 00:08:36,517
I can't believe he broke
the Firefighter Code.
214
00:08:36,518 --> 00:08:39,383
I can. You know how much
a Rembrandt is worth?
215
00:08:39,384 --> 00:08:40,608
We're talking like eight figures.
216
00:08:40,609 --> 00:08:41,862
What?
217
00:08:41,863 --> 00:08:43,062
Okay, to put that into perspective,
218
00:08:43,063 --> 00:08:44,796
my tips at the club are one figures.
219
00:08:44,797 --> 00:08:47,791
Says here in Artistic AF
that a lost Da Vinci painting
220
00:08:47,799 --> 00:08:51,869
recently sold to a Saudi
prince for 450 million.
221
00:08:51,870 --> 00:08:53,397
- Come on.
- Yes.
222
00:08:53,398 --> 00:08:54,931
We could buy our own sports cars.
223
00:08:54,932 --> 00:08:56,531
Lucy, this is your great grandfather
224
00:08:56,539 --> 00:08:59,203
we're talking about. He
committed a major crime.
225
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:01,872
Firefighter Giuseppe Penisi said,
226
00:09:01,873 --> 00:09:04,942
"I turned and saw the flames
reach the man in the plumed hat
227
00:09:04,943 --> 00:09:08,679
and as the paint melted, it
was as if the man was crying."
228
00:09:08,813 --> 00:09:09,880
Probably had the painting
229
00:09:09,881 --> 00:09:11,949
in his turnout coat as he was lying.
230
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:14,544
Yeah, let's not cry over
spilled milk here, gang, okay?
231
00:09:14,545 --> 00:09:16,616
- Let's sell it.
- Hey!
232
00:09:16,621 --> 00:09:19,351
- No one is selling anything.
- Okay.
233
00:09:19,352 --> 00:09:22,020
And no one is saying
anything, you got it?
234
00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:23,827
I got it, Cap. I was...
235
00:09:23,828 --> 00:09:26,829
♪ ♪
236
00:09:26,831 --> 00:09:28,365
I wasn't the only one
who wanted to sell it.
237
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:30,433
- Why is he yelling at me?
- Devil's advocate here.
238
00:09:30,434 --> 00:09:32,485
How do you even sell a stolen Rembrandt?
239
00:09:32,486 --> 00:09:34,019
You can't exactly list it on Ebay.
240
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:35,420
No, we could. We could, guys.
241
00:09:35,421 --> 00:09:36,783
We could sell it at, like, the park.
242
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,516
- The park?
- Or the airport.
243
00:09:38,517 --> 00:09:41,542
I see limousines there all
the time full of rich dudes.
244
00:09:41,543 --> 00:09:43,465
Rich dudes love art. Come on.
245
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:45,532
Well, there's always the dark web.
246
00:09:45,784 --> 00:09:47,328
I can help you poke around a little.
247
00:09:47,329 --> 00:09:49,607
See if there's any interest
from the underground buyers.
248
00:09:49,608 --> 00:09:50,869
What is the dark web? Is it real?
249
00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:52,014
Oh, it's real all right.
250
00:09:52,015 --> 00:09:53,081
Everything I've heard about the dark web
251
00:09:53,082 --> 00:09:54,873
sounds super sketch.
252
00:09:54,874 --> 00:09:57,395
It isn't all bad. It's just unregulated.
253
00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,130
The basic principle is that
you're masking your IP address
254
00:10:00,131 --> 00:10:02,065
with a VPN and using the Tor browser
255
00:10:02,066 --> 00:10:04,165
to access unpublished sites,
256
00:10:04,166 --> 00:10:06,070
but fair warning, one wrong click
257
00:10:06,071 --> 00:10:08,538
and you might see horrible
things you can't unsee.
258
00:10:08,546 --> 00:10:10,947
- Will you just do it already?
- All right.
259
00:10:13,722 --> 00:10:15,813
- We're in.
- Wait. like, in-in.
260
00:10:15,814 --> 00:10:18,460
We're in the dark web?
Oh, that was easy.
261
00:10:18,461 --> 00:10:20,184
Yeah, now, we just decide
where we're gonna go.
262
00:10:20,185 --> 00:10:22,718
- Are there any eat-it videos?
- Hmm, let's see.
263
00:10:22,909 --> 00:10:24,109
Yeah, lots.
264
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:25,242
Oh, looks like a whole community.
265
00:10:25,243 --> 00:10:26,420
Oh, wow.
266
00:10:26,421 --> 00:10:28,688
- Click on this one.
- Okay.
267
00:10:28,818 --> 00:10:30,671
Oh, well, you're not doing it right.
268
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,444
- That's a hamster.
- Oh.
269
00:10:32,714 --> 00:10:33,727
Wait.
270
00:10:33,728 --> 00:10:35,462
Why's it on a plate? What is happening?
271
00:10:35,463 --> 00:10:37,249
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, he's eating it.
272
00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:39,253
- He's eating it alive.
- Oh, my God, no.
273
00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:42,974
Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off.
274
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,203
No more of this crap.
275
00:10:44,204 --> 00:10:46,515
The dark web is officially
banned in this station.
276
00:10:46,516 --> 00:10:48,582
I think it's officially
banned worldwide.
277
00:10:48,609 --> 00:10:49,876
Well, it's officially banned here too.
278
00:10:49,877 --> 00:10:51,877
That's what I was gonna say!
279
00:10:52,511 --> 00:10:54,579
What the hell, man?
280
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,587
[SIGHS]
281
00:10:57,898 --> 00:10:59,583
How you doing?
282
00:11:00,341 --> 00:11:01,807
[SIGHS]
283
00:11:01,808 --> 00:11:03,741
Terry, I don't know what to do.
284
00:11:04,084 --> 00:11:05,550
You gotta return that painting
285
00:11:05,551 --> 00:11:07,151
- is what you got to do.
- Yeah, if I do that,
286
00:11:07,152 --> 00:11:09,141
Everybody's gonna know
Giuseppe was a thief.
287
00:11:09,142 --> 00:11:11,183
On the other hand, you
return that painting,
288
00:11:11,184 --> 00:11:12,937
everyone in the world
will know your name.
289
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:15,044
You'll be on the cover
of Ethical AF magazine
290
00:11:15,045 --> 00:11:16,172
in a plumed hat.
291
00:11:16,173 --> 00:11:18,318
I appreciate you trying
to appeal to my ego,
292
00:11:18,319 --> 00:11:19,810
but this is so much bigger than that.
293
00:11:19,811 --> 00:11:22,227
Bigger than your ego? Impossible.
294
00:11:22,487 --> 00:11:23,747
[LAUGHS] Come on.
295
00:11:23,748 --> 00:11:26,749
This'll disgrace my family,
and it'll crush my father.
296
00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:28,018
What about this angle?
297
00:11:28,019 --> 00:11:29,418
This of all the art sex you'll get.
298
00:11:29,465 --> 00:11:30,901
You've never done well
with the art lovers.
299
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,088
[SCOFFS] Please,
300
00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,624
I've had plenty of art chicks.
301
00:11:33,624 --> 00:11:38,429
Tatianna, Phoebe, Imogen,
Pangea, Paloma, Frieda,
302
00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:43,634
Boheme, Aria, Echo, Donatella,
Raphaella to name a few.
303
00:11:43,768 --> 00:11:45,302
That's a lot. [CHUCKLES]
304
00:11:45,303 --> 00:11:46,969
It's like the cast of "Game of Thrones."
305
00:11:46,971 --> 00:11:49,039
You know what? I just
need time to think.
306
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,507
Well, don't think too hard.
307
00:11:50,508 --> 00:11:52,130
I don't want you to burn
the station down again.
308
00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:54,583
Actually, that wasn't me. That was Wolf.
309
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,182
- [DOOR SHUTS]
- [SIGHS]
310
00:11:58,183 --> 00:11:59,650
♪ ♪
311
00:11:59,651 --> 00:12:01,361
Okay.
312
00:12:01,674 --> 00:12:04,338
Captainbigballs947.
313
00:12:05,086 --> 00:12:07,992
"will consider eating
314
00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:10,661
the dead bird if it's not too big."
315
00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:12,396
Hey, what's wrong with the router?
316
00:12:12,397 --> 00:12:14,663
- Hey, man.
- What are you doing, Ike?
317
00:12:14,664 --> 00:12:16,200
Oh, nothing. Just
fooling around, you know?
318
00:12:16,201 --> 00:12:17,934
Just watching some videos of
319
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,203
eat-it on the dark web.
320
00:12:20,204 --> 00:12:22,270
Are you crazy? Did you even use the VPN?
321
00:12:22,271 --> 00:12:24,004
Yeah, dude. I used the VPN.
322
00:12:24,005 --> 00:12:25,606
Like, is that the VPN?
323
00:12:25,607 --> 00:12:27,006
Ike, you can't mess
around with this stuff.
324
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,546
It's the wild west on there.
325
00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:29,946
I'm not messing around, Mickleberry.
326
00:12:29,948 --> 00:12:31,066
Do you have any idea what they're paying
327
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,408
to watch people eat stuff?
328
00:12:32,409 --> 00:12:33,875
I'll make my savings back easily.
329
00:12:33,876 --> 00:12:36,143
Look at this. $4,000 to eat a...
330
00:12:36,395 --> 00:12:38,715
[GROANS] I mean, I
can't do that one, but...
331
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,915
Please tell me you didn't
give anyone your info.
332
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:42,759
No. God no. I'm not an idiot.
333
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,160
I mean, you do have to create
an account, so there's a few...
334
00:12:45,161 --> 00:12:47,831
- You added a profile pic?
- Yeah. Why? Is that bad?
335
00:12:47,832 --> 00:12:49,766
Yeah. What's your password?
I'm scrubbing you right now.
336
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:52,300
Okay, okay. God. It's
the one I always use.
337
00:12:52,301 --> 00:12:55,373
It's my social security number.
Super easy. Four, four...
338
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:58,709
[BUZZING]
339
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:00,272
- Shit. Shit.
- Hey, Ike.
340
00:13:00,273 --> 00:13:02,647
Someone just called the station
and asked if you were here.
341
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:03,877
They sounded kind of weird.
342
00:13:03,878 --> 00:13:05,210
Oh, that's crazy. [LAUGHS]
343
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,386
- Ike, what have you done?
- What? Nothing.
344
00:13:08,395 --> 00:13:12,395
[ALARM BLARING]
345
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:14,286
They found us.
346
00:13:14,573 --> 00:13:16,287
That's the guy I was messaging with.
347
00:13:16,288 --> 00:13:17,795
That's his profile pic.
348
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:20,588
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
349
00:13:20,589 --> 00:13:22,048
[GROANS]
350
00:13:22,049 --> 00:13:23,982
[SIGHS]
351
00:13:24,202 --> 00:13:27,203
[SOFT MUSIC]
352
00:13:27,205 --> 00:13:31,207
♪ ♪
353
00:13:31,209 --> 00:13:32,475
[SIGHS]
354
00:13:32,477 --> 00:13:36,621
♪ ♪
355
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,417
What's the matter, Eddie?
356
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,107
You don't like-a the meatballs?
357
00:13:41,108 --> 00:13:43,087
Uh, they're good, Grandpa.
358
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:45,355
Eh, be honest.
359
00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:46,797
They're a little spicey.
360
00:13:46,798 --> 00:13:48,426
I don't want to hurt your feelings.
361
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:52,310
Eddie, always tell the truth
362
00:13:52,318 --> 00:13:54,586
no matter what.
363
00:13:54,594 --> 00:13:56,327
Whenever you feel lost,
364
00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:58,578
you follow the Fireman's Code.
365
00:13:58,584 --> 00:14:02,670
It'll never lead you astray.
Let's say it together.
366
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:06,176
"As a fireman, I will serve
the public trust
367
00:14:06,177 --> 00:14:08,112
"with honor and integrity
368
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:11,449
"and vow to always protect
Tacoma's people and property
369
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:13,450
"through the faithful performance
370
00:14:13,451 --> 00:14:17,386
of my duties in the fire service."
371
00:14:17,675 --> 00:14:20,923
Hey, that's-a my grandson.
372
00:14:20,932 --> 00:14:23,533
Hey, let's go out into the garden
373
00:14:23,534 --> 00:14:26,268
on this ridiculously hot day,
374
00:14:26,419 --> 00:14:30,049
and I'ma chase you around. Look at this.
375
00:14:31,176 --> 00:14:36,847
[GROWLS AND LAUGHS]
376
00:14:36,848 --> 00:14:39,916
- [LAUGHS]
- [GROWLS]
377
00:14:39,917 --> 00:14:42,785
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
378
00:14:42,786 --> 00:14:44,720
♪ ♪
379
00:14:45,028 --> 00:14:46,924
[GROANS]
380
00:14:48,878 --> 00:14:50,812
- Five second rule.
- Where'd you come from?
381
00:14:50,813 --> 00:14:52,346
I heard the meatball hit the floor.
382
00:14:52,347 --> 00:14:55,014
- That was fast.
- You snooze, you lose.
383
00:14:55,158 --> 00:14:56,427
It's a good meatball.
384
00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:57,828
♪ ♪
385
00:14:58,096 --> 00:15:00,164
[SIGHS] I got to talk to my dad.
386
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:01,165
[ALARM BLARING]
387
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:08,305
- May I help you?
- Is Ike Crystal here?
388
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,706
Um...
389
00:15:12,591 --> 00:15:14,578
There's no Ike Crystal here.
390
00:15:14,579 --> 00:15:16,913
I was wondering if
he'd eat this in person,
391
00:15:16,914 --> 00:15:18,646
if that's okay.
392
00:15:18,647 --> 00:15:21,714
- It arouses me.
- What?
393
00:15:21,715 --> 00:15:22,915
How much?
394
00:15:23,082 --> 00:15:26,435
How much does it arouse you?
395
00:15:26,436 --> 00:15:28,770
No. No. How much money?
396
00:15:28,771 --> 00:15:31,248
- What's in that case?
- Oh, a puppy.
397
00:15:31,249 --> 00:15:32,849
- I'd figure we'd start small.
- [DOG WHINES]
398
00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:35,046
Oh, fuck no.
399
00:15:35,576 --> 00:15:38,771
Dude, what the hell?
Why... get out of here, man.
400
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,822
- What are you thinking?
- How much money did he say?
401
00:15:40,823 --> 00:15:42,623
He said he wanted you to eat a puppy.
402
00:15:42,624 --> 00:15:44,408
He must be nuts. How much?
403
00:15:44,409 --> 00:15:45,676
He didn't say. I didn't let him say it.
404
00:15:45,677 --> 00:15:47,411
I mean, what if it's a million dollars?
405
00:15:47,412 --> 00:15:49,124
I mean, I wouldn't eat a
puppy. I'm not saying that.
406
00:15:49,125 --> 00:15:51,381
- Here. Come on.
- [DOG BARKS]
407
00:15:51,382 --> 00:15:53,382
[SCREAMS]
408
00:15:53,607 --> 00:15:55,353
Shit. Shit. Shit!
409
00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:57,688
♪ ♪
410
00:15:57,689 --> 00:15:59,880
Hey. How's it going?
411
00:15:59,881 --> 00:16:01,780
Ike, this is getting scary.
412
00:16:01,781 --> 00:16:03,381
You have 2,000 messages from people
413
00:16:03,382 --> 00:16:05,363
all around the world
wanting you to eat stuff.
414
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:06,563
Wait. What? [CHUCKLES]
415
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:07,565
Like this guy inviting you
416
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:09,366
to a rhino dick dinner,
417
00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:11,885
but it's byord.
418
00:16:11,886 --> 00:16:14,553
There's a lunatic outside
that wanted Ike to eat puppies.
419
00:16:14,554 --> 00:16:16,288
Ike, this has to end now.
420
00:16:16,289 --> 00:16:17,352
I know. That's what I was saying.
421
00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,110
This has to end, like, right now.
422
00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:20,478
Hey, come on, guys.
423
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:23,447
[AUTOMATIC VOICE] Shall we play a game?
424
00:16:23,573 --> 00:16:24,573
- Yeah, sure.
- No!
425
00:16:24,574 --> 00:16:26,719
- No!
- Sorry. I know.
426
00:16:27,373 --> 00:16:29,078
Ooh, Granny, FBI.
427
00:16:29,079 --> 00:16:30,879
The feds. [GROANS]
428
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,869
- Don't an... oh.
- Hello?
429
00:16:32,870 --> 00:16:35,192
Ike Crystal, this is
Special Agent Williamson
430
00:16:35,193 --> 00:16:37,193
from the FBI. You've been compromised
431
00:16:37,195 --> 00:16:38,861
by criminal hackers on the dark web.
432
00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:41,109
Ooh, that wasn't me. That was Andy.
433
00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:42,206
The new Andy who's the probie.
434
00:16:42,215 --> 00:16:43,828
Not the old Andy 'cause there's two.
I don't want you to be confused.
435
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,622
We know. We're the FBI.
436
00:16:45,623 --> 00:16:46,956
Ah, sorry. Of course.
437
00:16:46,957 --> 00:16:48,131
We're going to protect you,
438
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,205
but you need to answer
a few questions first.
439
00:16:50,538 --> 00:16:52,254
What is your mother's maiden name,
440
00:16:52,255 --> 00:16:53,645
in what city were you born,
441
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,004
and the name of your first pet.
442
00:16:55,005 --> 00:16:57,380
- Chalamet, Tacoma, Raphael.
- Thank you, sir.
443
00:16:57,381 --> 00:16:58,648
All traces of your profile
444
00:16:58,649 --> 00:17:00,383
on the dark web have now been deleted.
445
00:17:00,384 --> 00:17:03,681
Oh, my God. Thank you.
Thank you so much, FBI.
446
00:17:03,682 --> 00:17:06,255
Whoo. That was touch and go.
447
00:17:06,256 --> 00:17:09,234
I was freaking out, you
guys. I can let you know now.
448
00:17:09,235 --> 00:17:11,101
It didn't seem like it,
but I was losing my mind.
449
00:17:11,102 --> 00:17:13,000
- I was so scared.
- [PHONE BUZZES]
450
00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:15,081
Oh, the FBI is calling back.
451
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,202
Ike Crystal, this is Special
Agent Navarra of the FBI.
452
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:19,740
- Okay.
- Any minute now,
453
00:17:19,741 --> 00:17:22,044
you will be contacted by
a hacker from the dark web
454
00:17:22,052 --> 00:17:24,205
impersonating the FBI. Whatever you do,
455
00:17:24,206 --> 00:17:26,413
do not answer any of their questions.
456
00:17:26,414 --> 00:17:28,281
♪ ♪
457
00:17:28,283 --> 00:17:29,616
[GASPS]
458
00:17:29,617 --> 00:17:31,770
Ah, man. Fool me once, shame on me.
459
00:17:31,771 --> 00:17:36,150
Fool... fool me twice,
two get bit by a snake.
460
00:17:36,151 --> 00:17:38,652
_
461
00:17:41,430 --> 00:17:43,562
You're saying my father's a thief.
462
00:17:43,565 --> 00:17:45,499
[LAUGHS] I know. It's hard to stomach.
463
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,366
Turkey meatballs are hard to stomach.
464
00:17:47,502 --> 00:17:48,968
He stole that painting.
465
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:50,972
We need to do the right
thing and give it back.
466
00:17:50,973 --> 00:17:53,507
My father's name will be ruined.
467
00:17:53,508 --> 00:17:55,842
But he broke the Firefighter Code.
468
00:17:55,977 --> 00:17:58,978
If Giuseppe Penisi couldn't
follow the code that he wrote,
469
00:17:58,979 --> 00:18:01,380
then everything I've believed
my whole life is a lie.
470
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:05,748
Don't you dare! My father
taught me that code.
471
00:18:07,405 --> 00:18:09,405
Destroy that painting.
472
00:18:09,732 --> 00:18:11,732
It's worth, like,
half a billion dollars.
473
00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:13,465
Destroy it.
474
00:18:13,497 --> 00:18:15,839
And if you tell anybody about this...
475
00:18:17,088 --> 00:18:18,932
You're dead to me.
476
00:18:18,933 --> 00:18:20,765
♪ ♪
477
00:18:21,729 --> 00:18:25,358
[ALARM BLARING]
478
00:18:27,876 --> 00:18:28,942
[GROANS]
479
00:18:31,507 --> 00:18:33,261
You know what? Stop right there.
480
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:35,282
- What's in that bag?
- You Ike Crystal?
481
00:18:35,283 --> 00:18:36,883
What's in the bag?
482
00:18:36,885 --> 00:18:38,218
[CHUCKLES]
483
00:18:38,219 --> 00:18:39,553
It's whatever you want it to be.
484
00:18:39,554 --> 00:18:40,890
Tell me what it is.
485
00:18:40,891 --> 00:18:43,320
Okay. It's a costume.
486
00:18:43,321 --> 00:18:46,389
It's a dolphin. You beat me up,
I go home, what's the problem?
487
00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:47,399
Oh, man, you know what?
488
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,701
Get the hell out of here, all right?
489
00:18:48,702 --> 00:18:50,035
- And don't come back.
- [MOANS]
490
00:18:50,036 --> 00:18:52,308
Wait, wait, wait, easy.
He's got to pay us first.
491
00:18:52,309 --> 00:18:53,905
Okay, just let me put this on,
492
00:18:53,906 --> 00:18:55,105
you rub my blowhole,
493
00:18:55,106 --> 00:18:56,653
you bitch-slap me like five times,
494
00:18:56,654 --> 00:18:57,679
I'll give you 1,000 bucks.
495
00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,146
Don't do it, Granny. It's not worth it.
496
00:18:59,147 --> 00:19:00,735
Oh, actually, it's... Wait.
497
00:19:00,736 --> 00:19:05,736
[MOANING like DOLPHIN CHATTER]
498
00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:09,126
[CLEARS THROAT] Thanks, guys.
499
00:19:10,103 --> 00:19:12,439
What'd you say? 1,000? I don't think so.
500
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,561
- No, no, no.
- I mean, get out of here.
501
00:19:15,883 --> 00:19:18,017
You freak! [CHUCKLES]
502
00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:19,485
Sorry about that, man. I had no idea...
503
00:19:19,486 --> 00:19:20,869
Dude, what?
504
00:19:22,623 --> 00:19:24,022
Someone's in your bank account, Ike.
505
00:19:24,023 --> 00:19:26,272
They're using rapid transfers
to drain your balance.
506
00:19:26,273 --> 00:19:30,275
What? This is why people hide
their money in mattresses.
507
00:19:30,442 --> 00:19:32,042
- It's not good.
- Come on.
508
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:34,811
No, no, no. What's happening?
What? No. What is this?
509
00:19:34,812 --> 00:19:38,069
Mickleberry, Mickleberry, do something!
510
00:19:38,070 --> 00:19:40,203
I can't. Whoever this
is, he's really good.
511
00:19:40,204 --> 00:19:41,537
I think he's North Korean.
512
00:19:41,538 --> 00:19:43,738
Mickleberry.
513
00:19:43,739 --> 00:19:46,085
Mickleberry, what's happening?
514
00:19:46,316 --> 00:19:48,249
♪ ♪
515
00:19:48,251 --> 00:19:49,317
Is that it?
516
00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:54,608
I'm sorry, Ike. They got it all.
517
00:19:54,648 --> 00:19:57,449
Plus, I think you've been evicted,
518
00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,583
Which really doesn't matter because
519
00:19:59,919 --> 00:20:01,760
you're no longer a U.S. Citizen.
520
00:20:01,761 --> 00:20:03,961
I guess I still got my health, right?
521
00:20:03,962 --> 00:20:05,703
But not your medical records.
522
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,839
That's it. We're ending
this once and for all.
523
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,930
No, no, no, no, no.
524
00:20:09,931 --> 00:20:12,465
- That was my graduation gift.
- I'm sorry, bro.
525
00:20:12,466 --> 00:20:15,363
I was mining Bitcoin on that, man.
526
00:20:15,871 --> 00:20:18,914
Oh, will you show me how that works?
527
00:20:19,253 --> 00:20:21,322
When you get a new computer.
528
00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:24,896
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Giuseppe Penisi
529
00:20:24,897 --> 00:20:26,525
Street Naming ceremony.
530
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,997
Our first speaker will be
Captain Eddie Penisi JR.
531
00:20:31,907 --> 00:20:33,548
You all right?
532
00:20:33,549 --> 00:20:35,416
- Never been worse.
- [CHUCKLES]
533
00:20:43,251 --> 00:20:45,484
Attention, everyone, please.
534
00:20:45,905 --> 00:20:49,604
Station 24 recently came
upon some information
535
00:20:49,605 --> 00:20:52,231
which may affect today's ceremony.
536
00:20:52,232 --> 00:20:54,312
I'll take it from here.
537
00:20:55,852 --> 00:20:58,186
Dad, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna do this.
538
00:20:58,187 --> 00:21:00,390
I got something to say.
539
00:21:03,207 --> 00:21:04,873
Good afternoon.
540
00:21:04,874 --> 00:21:06,407
The Captain here
541
00:21:06,647 --> 00:21:09,590
thinks he's about to do the right thing,
542
00:21:10,883 --> 00:21:12,782
and he is.
543
00:21:13,658 --> 00:21:16,159
Go ahead, son. Open up that painting.
544
00:21:19,411 --> 00:21:21,678
This is the Rembrandt painting
545
00:21:21,679 --> 00:21:26,682
that was presumed lost in
the Tacomoa fire of 1933.
546
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,900
As you can see, it did not burn.
547
00:21:29,901 --> 00:21:33,503
In fact, it was stolen
548
00:21:33,504 --> 00:21:35,239
by my father,
549
00:21:35,988 --> 00:21:37,923
Giuseppe Penisi.
550
00:21:37,924 --> 00:21:39,857
ALL: [GASPING]
551
00:21:39,858 --> 00:21:44,842
The shame this has brought on
the Penisi name is unbearable,
552
00:21:44,857 --> 00:21:50,127
but it pales in comparison
to the pride I feel
553
00:21:50,128 --> 00:21:52,194
for my son,
554
00:21:52,195 --> 00:21:54,401
Edward Penisi JR.
555
00:21:54,683 --> 00:21:56,880
You see,
556
00:21:57,031 --> 00:21:59,732
we came here today to celebrate
557
00:21:59,733 --> 00:22:02,333
the man I thought was
the greatest Penisi,
558
00:22:02,334 --> 00:22:03,935
when in fact,
559
00:22:05,097 --> 00:22:07,119
the greatest Penisi
560
00:22:08,106 --> 00:22:12,308
was standing right here all along.
561
00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:14,500
I love you, Eddie JR.
562
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,234
I love you, too, Dad.
563
00:22:16,448 --> 00:22:17,854
[APPLAUSE]
564
00:22:17,855 --> 00:22:19,455
[BOTH CRYING]
565
00:22:20,002 --> 00:22:21,135
[INSPIRING MUSIC]
566
00:22:21,136 --> 00:22:22,789
I did... oh, okay.
567
00:22:22,790 --> 00:22:23,965
Okay, okay.
568
00:22:23,966 --> 00:22:25,902
Aww... Ooh!
569
00:22:26,073 --> 00:22:27,546
Okay.
570
00:22:28,073 --> 00:22:29,739
[SOBBING]
571
00:22:30,146 --> 00:22:32,947
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
572
00:22:33,083 --> 00:22:35,349
♪ ♪
573
00:22:35,351 --> 00:22:36,418
[MOUTHS WORDS]
574
00:22:37,531 --> 00:22:38,863
That's a keeper.
575
00:22:39,022 --> 00:22:40,355
Yeah.
576
00:22:40,356 --> 00:22:42,413
Look at these two guys. [LAUGHTER]
577
00:22:42,414 --> 00:22:43,971
- It's like a bromance.
- Yeah.
578
00:22:43,972 --> 00:22:45,706
Whoa. There they are.
579
00:22:45,707 --> 00:22:47,857
This is gonna be great, man.
I can't wait to look at these.
580
00:22:47,858 --> 00:22:49,327
[LAUGHTER]
581
00:22:49,328 --> 00:22:51,622
Hi, folks. I'm Marjorie Fontaine
582
00:22:51,623 --> 00:22:53,156
with the Tacoma Museum of Art.
583
00:22:53,157 --> 00:22:56,090
Marjorie, it's a pleasure.
I'm Captain Eddie Penisi.
584
00:22:56,274 --> 00:22:59,471
This is my father,
commissioner Eddie Penisi SR.
585
00:22:59,472 --> 00:23:00,472
How do you do?
586
00:23:00,473 --> 00:23:01,744
Captain, you don't need an introduction.
587
00:23:01,745 --> 00:23:03,474
It's a pleasure to meet two heroes.
588
00:23:04,613 --> 00:23:06,812
- Come on.
- Oh, it is so beautiful.
589
00:23:06,813 --> 00:23:08,213
Thank you for returning it.
590
00:23:08,214 --> 00:23:11,068
I wonder if there's gonna be a reward.
591
00:23:11,069 --> 00:23:12,365
Of course there's a reward.
592
00:23:12,366 --> 00:23:14,417
That's what happens when
you do the right thing.
593
00:23:14,418 --> 00:23:17,173
- The question is how much?
- Oh.
594
00:23:17,174 --> 00:23:19,874
Um, did you guys look at this?
595
00:23:19,875 --> 00:23:21,693
- Uh, yeah. Quite a bit actually.
- Yup.
596
00:23:27,558 --> 00:23:28,868
- [SCOFFS]
- Giuseppe?
597
00:23:28,869 --> 00:23:30,669
- It's a fake.
- What?
598
00:23:30,670 --> 00:23:33,777
- Are you kidding me?
- Holy shit.
599
00:23:33,778 --> 00:23:36,050
He didn't steal the painting.
600
00:23:36,912 --> 00:23:39,386
He made a copy and did this.
601
00:23:39,387 --> 00:23:41,655
- It's a prank.
- [CHUCKLES]
602
00:23:41,656 --> 00:23:44,607
Oh, yeah. Okay, well, I'll
never do the right thing again.
603
00:23:44,608 --> 00:23:45,941
I don't think that's the takeaway here.
604
00:23:45,942 --> 00:23:47,075
Yeah, it is.
605
00:23:47,076 --> 00:23:48,809
Although he lost the street name,
606
00:23:48,810 --> 00:23:52,079
- so I think the joke's on him.
- No.
607
00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:55,493
No. He got us.
608
00:23:55,577 --> 00:23:57,850
He got us good.
609
00:23:58,071 --> 00:24:01,187
And that's the Penisi way.
610
00:24:01,188 --> 00:24:03,656
- Okay.
- Ah, he's right.
611
00:24:03,657 --> 00:24:06,191
[LAUGHTER]
612
00:24:06,192 --> 00:24:07,439
Giuseppe.
613
00:24:07,496 --> 00:24:11,799
[LAUGHTER]
44158
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