All language subtitles for E.B.C.S01E04.Wet for Nessie

- Hello everyone, welcome
to Erotic Book Club.

The book club where we read erotic novels.

- Yeah
- Yeah, yeah, it's factual.

I am your host, Jessica Ross

and with me as always is my co-host.

- I'm Rekha Shankar.

- We have such an
incredible book this week

recommended to us by Cutie
Patodius on the Discord.

If you're watching this on Dropout,

that's our favorite way
for you guys to watch it

and you can see it first

and you can also talk to us on our Discord

where we get to chat with you guys,

we get recommendations for books,

we get different comments.

I'm gonna share some comments
now cause we're havin' fun

on the Discord and I want
everybody to be a part of it.

Racoony for our last book
Vikings In Space, was a big fan.

We had a lotta fans as
Vikings In Space in there.

How could you not love it?

The Viking straight up
asks her what gets her off.

Which I love that about it too.

- It was very nice.

- Yeah and it doesn't happen enough.

- Yeah.
- Soary would like us...

- We don't often see that level
of conscientious in Vikings.

Or in space.

- Yeah.
- Normally they just pillage.

Soary would like to see more shit slits

and bussy lip representation.

- And that's important,
representation does matter.

- Yes, so we're gonna get on that.

I always like to hear you
guys' recommendations.

Fool Moron, love the name,

would like us to read more hentai

and then Wonk Daddy, who
contributes a lot on there

we love you Wonk Daddy, suggested that

Reika and my's minds would
be blown if we read hentai.

- Challenge accepted.
- Challenge accepted

Wonk Daddy.
- Yeah.

- And you can also check
out some gorgeous, sexy,

Gritty pics on there.

Ah, stunning.

- Is there Gritty erotica?

- Absolutely.

There must be.

- All ready?

- I guess he's been

around for a while.
- Something needs to be out

for three minutes for there
to be erotica about it.

- Reika, we're being rude.

We haven't introduced our
experts for Wet for Nessie.

- Sorry, sorry, they've taken
breaks from their busy lives,

what they are experts at

- Yes.
- to join us.

- With us, we have a monster expert

- Hello
- Mike Trapp.

- Hello, thank you for having me.

- And we also have a Scotland expert.

She just went to Scotland.

- I did.
- Marissa High.

- Four days.

- She was there for four whole days.

If that doesn't
make you an expert

I don't know what does.

- I really don't

and you're the closest
thing to a Scottish person

we have in this office.
- Yes, yes.

- We wanna make sure

the information--
- Brennan is banging

on the door.
- Shut up Brennan, shut up.

- We just wanna make sure
the information we're giving

is factual, which is why we always like

to have experts here to make sure.

To keep ourselves in check.

- Yes, 'cause Jess and I
don't wanna just say opinions,

we want to say facts.
- Yeah, this isn't our field.

I'm a Forensic Scientist.
- And I'm an Astronaut.

- We need people to keep us whatever.

Wet for Nessie, what a
book by Vivian St. Black.

Do we believe this book
was written by a woman?

- I do believe this
was written by a woman.

- I think so too.
- I was on the fence as well.

Ooh, we are divided
already and I love it.

- I was on the fence because

the inhericancy and I hope
I'm not giving anything away

that wasn't already
given away by the title,

but the idea that anyone would want

to fuck a Loch Ness Monster, to me,

seemed so crazy and all
the descriptions of penises

seemed like what a man
hopes someone thinks

of their penis.
- Interesting.

- Because I did not agree with any of it.

- Oh, it was all nasty.

What do you think?

- I agree that, I wouldn't pick

the Loch Ness Monster
as the sexiest monster.

- And he knows.
- And I know monsters.

- Which is something that
I would like to get into.

What people think is the sexiest monster.

'Cause there's definitely some out there,

as I'm sure you're aware.

- Oh, all the sexiest monsters.

Every night before bed,
I look through my catalog

of sexy monsters, I got a calendar.

It's a seven year calendar.

- Ooh wow.

December.

I don't think that level of

foreignness can necessarily
point to maleness.

- I see.
- I felt like there was

a lot of attention on

female friendships, female anatomy,

female pleasure.
- That's true.

- There was a lot of clitoral
stuff, which is nice.

- There was a lot of female hook ups.

- And a ton of cum all over.

- That's another thing that made me think

it was a man.
- Is this a monster thing?

- Hot

seed

is what they called it.

- The euphemisms throughout were maybe a--

- Insane.
- Even the ladies though.

- They cum all the time.

Not everybody squirts all the time.

Reika.

- So delicately.
- I will say this.

It delivers on its title.

Everything is wet and
moist and glistening.

- One time they described Nessie as dry,

cause they rubbed lotion on him.

- But that was a problem.

That was an issue

they had to solve.
- They made him wet.

- For those of you who
maybe have not had the joy

of reading Wet for Nessie.
- Have we gotten

ahead of ourselves?

- As usual, we've gotten
ahead of ourselves.

Let's get to know the characters

that we're going to be talking about,

just in case you haven't read it.

There's Kayleigh Jordan,
the second time we've had

someone with a l-e-i-g-h.

- L-E-I-G-H is a really
popular way to substitute for

L-E-Y or L-I-E or something.

- Guess what, that's how
my middle name's spelled.

- What's your middle name,

Leigh?
- Leigh.

- Twist.
- I'm a Jessica Leigh.

- Oh my god.
- Do you even know her?

- Kayleigh is called Kay Kay.
- By Olivia.

- Only her closest--
- No, Reagan.

- They made a point of saying
only Reagan calls her Kay Kay.

- I'm also her best friend
now so I call her Kay Kay.

Then there's Reagan, her best friend,

who sometimes they call Ray Ray.

- Which is insulting, I am Ray Ray.

- Then there's their other friend

who's not their best friend,
maybe the bitch of the group?

Olivia and I call her Oh
Oh, that's never mentioned

in the book, but it's
just something I do now.

That's also her blood type.

- Hot.
- So hot.

- Universal donor.

There's Mr. Hainesworth the math teacher.

- And he is the chaperone.
- He's their chaperone.

There's Fergus McCleod.
- McCloud.

It's McCloud.

That name is straight from
the big book O'Scottish names.

You could not pick a more generic,

stereotypical Scottish
name than Fergus McCleod.

John Whiteman.

- I wrote down that he's boat man.

- The captain?
- Yes he's called

the captain as well.
- And then Nessie, obviously.

Our tale begins, we're in
Scotland, it's a very rainy day.

So already we've got the wet.

I didn't even think of that.

- It's wet constantly, everything is wet.

- It really set the stages.
- It's not just pussy.

It's more
symbolic than I thought.

That is nice.

- There's a school trip to Scotland.

With the math department.

- K could be in Cabo with
her parents, but she's not.

And she's in Scotland but she doesn't mind

because her entire life,

she has been fantasizing about Nessie.

And this is where the book already got me.

- This is page two.
- I thought they were gonna

be on the trip and be
bored and then meet him

and have to be convinced
to wanna suck him.

- Will they, won't they,
first they hate each other,

then they come together.
- She is instantly

into the idea.
- Before even there

is a Nessie involved.
- There's no justification.

It's not if you were
like I went to England

and I was hoping I would see Prince Harry.

Where it's oh, a public figure

that some people find attractive.

It is just supposed to be understood.

I hope I get to see Nessie.

I might cream myself if I do.
- It's also like this is my

biggest secret I've never
even told my best friend.

- It definitely takes as a
given that's like we all agree

the Loch Ness Monster's
hot, if only he exists.

And, we're assuming he's a he.
- Which I've never

once thought.

Jessica, you had a
really astute description

of what the Loch Ness
Monster is shaped like.

Like a soup ladle.

I think I saw one on Amazon,
like a Dino Stegosaurus,

and I was like oh, that looks like

when you see the Loch Ness Monster.

All I've ever seen of him is
a little pipe or something.

- No one's ever seen.
- I think what's really

beautiful about that
analogy is the spoon part

could be the body and
this could be the neck,

or if you flip it, this could be the neck

and this could be the head.
- Wow, you've really thought

about this.
- Just a moment of dead air

as we're all like what the
fuck are we talking about?

- We'll get into this, but
I have such a hard time

visualizing what he looks like.

But we'll get to that, we
haven't quite met him yet.

- When I was taking notes on this,

any time I got to a sentence

that either made me have
a question or a thought

or just seemed so outrageous,
I should just write this down.

I got 10 sentences in
and I've written down

every sentence in this book.

- My chapter one notes are

three pages long, four pages long.

- This might be a little halting but,

the first sentence of
the book I think is like

it was a rainy, wet, cold day in Scotland.

This is not what I was expecting.

Why the fuck not, you went to Scotland.

That's what they're known for.

- Thank you.
- I'm a Scottish expert.

- Did Nessie bring you to Scotland?

Did you relate with this character?

- I actually came 'cause of Outlander.

I'm tryin' to fuck the Outlander.

- People cum in Scotland,
it's from the Outlander.

- Anyone who goes to Scotland is trying

to fuck something there,

but it's just what's your flavor.

- That's interesting.
- Interesting, good to know.

- That's their whole tourism campaign.

- I did check out Loch Ness.
- Fuck in Scotland.

- Reika, also, for those of
you watching and not listening.

Reika told me that my metal
straw looks like Nessie.

- Which is hot.
- Which is hot.

- That's the kind of premium
content you can only get

when you're watching.
- Also, for people

who can't see, I have
glue all over my face

from a shoot we did earlier,
so subscribe to Dropout

and you get to see that.

- Fun stuff, so she's always

loved him.

She's imagined herself lying on a beach

and just lying on his belly.

It's a fantasy of hers.

She has never told this to her best friend

Ray Ray, or to Olivia,
who isn't her best friend,

but she hangs out too.

She also is really into
her friend Ray Ray.

It's the best lesbian relationship

that I've read in one of the books.

She notices her little
head tilts and her gigles.

There's this scene where
she eats a cantelope

and it gets me.
- It's hot, it's really hot.

The human erotica in this, I like.

- I could not agree more,
it's some of the best

human erotica I have read.

When she's also with the boat man,

getting ahead of ourselves,
spoiler, I'm into it.

I'm into Fergus, that also makes
me think that it's a woman.

For something that comes
later, but we'll get to it.

- That was also a thing that
made me think it was a woman.

It's a very female perspective,

like I'm feelin' cocks
through pants kind of thing,

which is not to say a man could not feel

a cock through pants.

- Through many layers of pants.

Implies it was very cold and wet.

- This is totally her
perspective of how you would

engage in this.
- Yes.

- Their school has taken them
there for a math trip I guess.

They wanna go, she's
desperately wants to go

to see the Loch Ness Munster.

Munster.

- It's one slice of cheese that is rumored

to be floating in a lake in Scotland.

- And I just wanna fuck it.

- Nobody's ever seen it,
but it's wet as hell.

- I actually didn't
realize a loch was a thing.

- It's a lake.
- Those are lakes.

- Yeah, that means lakes.
- This is about education.

- I learned that in Scotland, yes.

I actually didn't know before Scotland.

- You didn't know before.
- I did not know.

I thought loch was--
- You went to research.

After extensive research,
there I found out.

There's a
Kayleigh for every loch.

Oh my god, we're gonna get

through chapter one, I promise.

She desperately wants to go on this,

she hasn't told her friends,

but it is raining so bad,
the trip has been canceled.

And she is heartbroken.

The other girls, they
don't take it as seriously

and they don't get why she's so upset.

And how could you?
- If you never tell anyone.

- That you're into the Loch Ness Monster.

- What would you do if
your friend told you that?

- If my friend told me she's
into the Loch Ness Monster,

I would first, have to hear the reasons.

Even when you argue about celebrities

that you have a crush on, it's like ew,

you like Christoph Waltz.

- I think he's cute.

- I do too, that's why I said it.

- Somebody's giving you shit?
- You don't get it?

- No, but this isn't about that.

- You'd wanna know, oh he's
got kind of a wiry body.

Whatever, we're not talking
about Christoph Waltz.

I wanna know the reasons, oh
what physically attracts you.

Is it the body type,
- Is it the big ass?

Little tiny neck.

Long neck.
- 10,

1,000,

10.

- I want it to look like
a ball of silly puddy

that I grabbed once
and just let it stretch

for a real long time, that's my perfect,

ooh the sexiest shape.
- I'd have to hear the logic.

- Which is never explained.

They're all kind of drawn
to him, which made me think

there was a bit of magic to it?

Is there magic in Scotland?
- Not that I know of.

Outlander, yes there.
- There we go.

The results are in.

They get a free day to
do whatever they want

and she's like let's
just go down to Loch Ness

and see what's up, and her
friends are all good with it.

So they all get changed,
there's a discussion about

one of their nipples

and being surprised by the nipple color.

I've never been surprised
by anyone's nipple color.

- There's so much in erotica of whoa,

her nipple was paler than I expected.

In a way that is a positive.
- And that's what got me off.

- Excuse me, shut the fuck
up, all you white people.

- They're so pink.
- Oh my god, thank god,

they're so pink, thank
fucking god they're so pink.

- I thought they were

gonna be pink.
- I thought they were gonna be

drk pink, but they're light
pink, thank fucking god.

Just so nasty.

Oh fuck, her light blue
eyes were so fucking light,

light as her pink nipples.

It's so annoying, anyway.
- Chapter one.

That concludes chapter one, chapter two.

- We were all reading
this on Kindle right?

- Yeah, no one bought
the hard copy this time.

- Is there a hard copy?
- There must be.

- Do you have the highlights turned on

on there?
- Yes.

- You just reminded me in that moment,

that I clocked that locker room scene.

They show you the highlights
that other people commonly

highlighted or something like that?

- Oh really?
- I don't have that.

- There's 43 highlights.
- That section,

when it got to the bit about
describing the pubic hair,

just the pubic hair
description was highlighted.

It's very interesting to
see what people are like

yeah I need to remember this.
- Darker than she thought.

Curly, wiry, normal fucking pubes.

Terrific.
- The three girls

take a taxi to the loch,

which is when I found
out that was a thing.

And then they meet a very sexy boat man

named Fergus McCleod.
- Fergus sounds hot,

but I thought it was a little gross,

that these are high
schoolers and he's a captain

that's in his late 20s?
- For my own enjoyment,

I move them to college.
- I move them

to college as well.
- Everyone in all the books

in my head is 21 and
older, they can all gamble,

they can all rent a car.
- For any of our writers

out there, please put
them all college grads

or college age grads and above.

We don't need any nonsense with

they just turned 18.

I'm not interested.

- I had a theory about Fergus.

Actually two wildly different theories.

One was, I think that
maybe in an original draft,

Fergus was intended to be much older

because everything about
him is crusty, old captain.

- With one eye.

- Okay cool, the Scottish
sea boat captain.

At one point, Kayleigh's like,

I expected him to be I guess 20s to 30s

and then later on it's like
my suspicions were correct,

but they don't ever
say exactly what it is.

And later in the book, which
is getting a little bit ahead.

- He talks about his grandkids.

- He talks about his grandkids,
how much he loves 'em,

how much joy they bring to his life.

There's a line in there he says
take it easy on old Fergus.

- He does say that.
_ I think Fergus was maybe

originally just a gross--
- Interesting.

- You should make Fergus a little younger.

- I thought that's just the way
people talk in Scotland, no.

- No.
- They don't call

themselves old, even the teens?

- They do say lassie though.
- This often?

- Were you called lassie?
- Yes, I was.

- How was it?
- It was fun.

I would love to be called lassie.

- That can happen.
- By a real Scotsman though,

or Scotslady.
- Our tour guide Neil

called me lassie.
- Hot.

Ooh, hot, hot.

- Hot.
- The girls get on the boat

after a bit of back and forth with Fergus,

'cause he is a little nervous.
- Nervous Fergus.

- They basically just bug him
enough to be like alright,

I'll go.
- 'Cause his whole reason is

it's way too rainy, wet,
it's too dangerous to go out.

And then I guess if you
just ask someone enough,

they're like yeah, okay.
- I think they only asked

three times.
- Let's be unsafe.

- No, no, yes.
- And then they go out

into the waters and this is
sort of where it all begins

because Kay Kay falls off

the boat, oh sorry, I forgot.

- There's a little something before that.

- Don't forget the wheel.
- Fergus jokes, is like hey,

why don't you take the wheel,
and then does the thing--

Like ghost.

- But also has his junk
right against her ass

and his cock grows hard.
- And she's like what's this?

- Painfully hard.
- And painfully hard.

- I had to check, three
times throughout this book

things are painfully hard,
whether they're nipples or cocks.

- Is that a good thing?
- No, it's painful.

- Have you ever had to
pee so badly it hurts?

But then once you do it it feels good?

- You are reading the pages of my diary.

- Yes.
- Yes.

- So I sort of get it.

That's all, I get it a little.

Anyway, his cock is really painfully hard

through a bunch layers 'cause it's cold.

- And there's a bit of going
under her pants, right,

and a little fingers.
- He's touching her stomach

and shit.
- I like all that,

I was into the scene.
- It was nice.

When you up her age, it's nice.

- Also, where are her
friends during all this?

- They're in the deck or something?

- They're somewhere else.

- Standing out in the rain.
- Are they watching this?

- They're on a lower level of the boat

because she falls off twice
to get into the ocean.

- Two thoughts on this particular scene.

One is, there's a moment where
Fergus is trying to have,

handlin' a boat it's
like handlin' a woman.

- Whoa, Trapp.

- That was a good accent.

- Thank you very much.
- As someone who's

been to Scotland.
- I'll take it from

my Scot expert, but the
metaphor falls apart

after two things.

You gotta know how to hold
her, you gotta steer her right,

and she's got a huge poop deck.

What the fuck?
- Barnacles all over her body.

She crashed into an iceberg once.

- You need special permission
from the Coast Guard

to be able to bring her out in the water.

- She's full of life
preservers just in case.

Some people get nauseous on her.

- Fire.
- Don't start a fire, Reika.

- Wait, we need to get wet.

- She is thrown overboard,
everyone's thrown overboard.

Chaos ensues, we do not know
what happens to her friends.

Chapter three takes us with
Kay, to the depths of the ocean,

falling, and then something rescues her.

- Something soft, something
wet, something slimy.

- Something exciting.
- Something large.

- This is a description of Nessie.

Kay's nervous she's going to die a virgin,

she thinks this in her head.

We know she's a virgin.
- Which is what you naturally

think when you're drowning.
- I'll never get fucked.

The most important thing.

- She's rescued by the
creature, dark liquid eyes.

Sleek, muscular body,
slender tail.

And a long sinuous neck and narrow head.

- It's a ladle.

That sounds so fucking gross.

- Now when I read muscular
body, here's what I pictured.

He has a Brontosaurus head,

and then abs.

Human abs.
- No, I don't think so.

- Do they describe abs?
- They never.

This is Jess's own invention.
- Okay, got it.

- This is one soft,

jellybean of a body.

- They definitely describe him
as pillowy, I'm pretty sure.

- Yes, he is a marshmallow.
- If you guys are in the

Discord, weigh in, abs or no?
- I think it's supposed to be

muscular like the way a horse is muscular.

- I think a lot of this
is horse attraction.

I rode him between my thighs kind of shit.

I'm quoting Kayleigh.

- It bothers me how

dog-like he is.
- He's the Loch Ness Monster.

- He doesn't ever talk.
- That's the part I think

bothers me too.
- The most he does is coo.

- I don't like that.

I think that sounds like a
Wookie or like a little bird.

- Here's why I don't like the
cooing is that it feels like

something that would be in
a kid's cartoon episode.

- Yes, like a Barney type.
- We rescued the last

dinosaur.
- Like a Pikachu.

- Sure, Loch Ness
Monster only says Nessie.

Nessie, Nessie, Ness.

- There are monsters that are
hot, we can get into this now,

but I would totally fuck a werewolf.

- That's my number one.
- Werewolf, Sasquatch.

Centaur
- Centaur, yes.

- You love horses though.
- Shut the fuck up.

- Horse girl.

- Oh, Mr. Ed, fuck.

- Oh, Reika.

Give me that peanut butter.

- Mr. Ed tasted of peanut butter and lust.

- The Bride of Frankenstein is gorgeous.

- The what?
- The Bride of Frankenstein.

She's like a human.
- A mermaid, I would

fuck a mermaid.
- Ooh, for sure.

King Triton and all of his daughters.

- On the werewolf point, this is maybe

getting ahead of ourselves--
- I would lick--

I was 'bout to
say, what's going on with--

- I would suck her tail?
- Hey, you're not

the only one.

I thought for sure that

Nessie was going to turn out to be Fergus,

who could magically transform.

- You mean because they
weren't in the same place,

at the same time,

for most of the book?
- They made a very strong

point of being like oh
and Fergus was gone.

- Yeah he disappeared.
- And who knows

where Fergus went.
- She described him

as being, she was on the
verge of something real,

something special with Fergus.

From just a boner.
- From just having a hard cock

rammed into your lower back.

This is real.
- When you know, you know.

- He rammed his painfully
hard cock up my ass.

- We met when, you know how math trips

go to Scotland all the time from Chicago?

- Oh that's right, they went from Chicago.

- To Scotland, for math.
- God, I'm already nauseous.

- Nessie rescues her and
brings her to a beach.

Is the beach underwater?
- Yeah, it's a cove.

You know coves?
- It's like rocks,

little enclave kinda thing.

- I think it's sorta like
you have to go underwater

to re-emerge somewhere else.

It's a sort of hidden
lagoon kind of thing.

- The only place where
Nessie can feel safe.

- I think there's also
supposed to be some kinda

magical about it 'cause you definitely go

to a different ecosystem
entirely, it's jungly there.

The rain has stopped, I think
there is a bit of magical

transportation thing kinda going on.

- Which I did like too, because
she wanted to go to Cabo.

And it kinda sounded like Cabo.

- And this was Cabo without her parents.

- There's actually a
secret Nessie wormhole

that goes from Loch Ness to Cabo.

- Say Nessie wormhole again.
- I thought for a second

she might be in Cabo.

- Wow, just what I wanted.

- And she sees her parents.
- Hi.

- She wakes up and not
only does she realize

she's on this beautiful tropical beach,

but her friends have also been rescued

and one of her friends--

- Who they describe as
the dark haired girl.

- Yeah, so you know she's the naughty one.

- Which I was also like,
and her nipples are light?

Fuck 'em.

- This is not physically accurate.

- Okay, whatever.
- She awakes to see

that her friend Oh Oh,
Olivia, and Nessie are--

- Gettin' intimate.
- Making love.

- And here it is, the dark
haired girl pressed the tail

to her bare chest and
then slowly, reverently,

took it in her mouth.

With languid grace, Olivia
drew on the tail with her lips.

Reika just vomits in the middle.

- Using her hands further down the shaft

to accentuate Nessie's pleasure.

This is disgusting.

- If you're just reading it
and just sort of being like

okay, cool, the tail's just standing in

as a phallic object, okay,

but if you take one second to imagine.

We've all been to a pet store,

you've seen the lizards
walkin' around the cage.

You just take a moment to imagine

a wet lizard tail in your mouth.

It's the most upsetting
thing you can imagine.

- I thought we were learning

the rules of this
creature, of its anatomy.

I was like okay I get
it, the tail is the dick.

- That's what I thought.
- No, Jess.

- But then it is a huge
misdirect, it has a cloaca.

If you don't know what
that is, pause, look it up.

We did too, don't be
ashamed, come back and now,

- I know monsters.
- a penis came out of it.

Yeah, you obviously knew
this was gonna happen.

- I kinda thought the same thing.

When we started, I was like how is this

going to work, because

a lot of lizards, not all,

a lot of reptiles and birds and things

have cloaca's, which again,

if you're not familiar, is just a big sack

that is a combination of

bladder, colon, reproductive system,

it's just a big sack
where shit, piss and eggs

and sperm, all just come
together in a big party.

When I started, I was like I hope to god

there are no cloacas in this story.

- That is so funny.
- Because the thought of--

- You pre-planned that.
- I put the book down,

- You saw that coming.
- got on my bedside and

prayed to god, please.
- Please god.

- Please, before I read this.

- I put away my monster
calendar, I kneeled beside my bed

and I said no cloacas, please god.

- While I'm Googling cloaca.
- I know it's been awhile.

- I know I don't go to mass.

Well, Nessie let out a moan and
slowly turned onto his side,

exposing his cloaca.

From within the glistening
opening emerged his thick,

fleshy cock.

Olivia went down to her
knees and with loving care

filled her mouth with the throbbing organ.

You sound so upset.

- There is so much dick
sucking in this book too.

More than any other book I've read.

- Yes, and I hated it.
- I like a good dick sucking,

but it was a lot and it was
just always with the seed.

What happens, oh my face,
where are we gonna put it?

- It was so messy.
- It was just a big mess.

- Always wet.
- But they can just

get in the water and then it's gone.

- Oh, that is true.
- They clean fast.

- I forgot to mention they were
freezing cold on the beach,

so all of the girls had to
take off all of their clothes.

As you do, when you're
very cold on a beach.

- And nude for the rest of the story.

- They were never dry.
- A bit of a Blue Lagoon vibe

goin' on.
- Oh the magic island.

All my clothes never dry.
- Kay Kay's watching this,

of course she's heartbroken,
this has been her dream

for as long as she can remember.

Covered in Loch Ness Monster cum.

- To suck on his cloaca
dick, but she's also aroused

and she feels herself.
- Yes.

- While she's watching.
- And she's a little

conflicted.
- Yes, her pussy gushing

hot liquid pleasure onto the sand.

- Hot liquid onto the sand.
- Reika's got it ready to go.

We did not plan this.
- I highlighted a lot.

Oh, you're the
one who was highlighting.

- Yeah, I got some pube comments I loved.

Kayleigh gets off to her
friend hooking up with Nessie,

even though she's also hurt,
which is a complex emotion

to have.
- Which I like about

this book.
- Female friendship

is very complicated.

You can be happy for your
friend, but also be jealous

that they're fucking your boyfriend.

- I genuinely relate to Kayleigh a lot.

- Yeah, this happen to you?
- Well, I grew up bi,

but not out, so I was into some friends,

but didn't say anything and
I had lots of fantasies.

Not about Nessie, but about
most of the WWE superstars.

- All the human stuff I liked.
- This is an interesting

point I guess.

Monster erotica

is a wide genre.

Do you think that it is a stand
in for LGBTQ relationships,

like this is a thing I can't talk about.

- She mentions a lot, she's
like I feel free with him

and I feel like I can be myself.

And I was super inta all that.

- Wow, I didn't catch all these metaphors.

- Oh my god, by the end, this
was a very symbolic book.

Because she talks about,
- Intellectual writer.

- how she discovered her sexuality through

the Loch Ness Monster.
- It really stands in

for a summer when you have a little fun,

you try out some new stuff

and you feel more like
yourself at the end.

And I get it, and I like it.

- Would I ever suck a dick
comin' out of a cloaca,

no, but to each his own.
- Hey Jess, what about

two dicks?
- Uh oh, someone's gettin'

ahead of themselves.
- We're not there yet.

- Moving on, so she sees it.

Next morning, everybody's
up, everybody's hungry,

time to look for some berries.

They know that none of
the berries will kill them

because Nessie would never
bring them to a place

with poisoned berries.
- The level of trust.

- She's like, I know Nessie
will take care of us.

- Nessie will provide.
- You have a crush

on a celebrity you're like,
they would never do that to me.

- The logic leap there is
like what, what do you mean?

- It's fun, they're not

poisonous.
- He's a monster.

Nessie would never poison us.

- It'd be one thing if
Nessie had a fridge.

- Oh my god, Nessie's fridge.
- This is a curated thing.

- They're making

the assumption.
- It's just beer and salsa.

- Yeah, sorry, I'm mostly just
here by myself, sorry babe.

But help yourself to
anything that's in there.

- They're pickin' berries
together, Olivia and Kay,

Ray Ray's sleepin', she
needs a little extra time.

And Olivia's like I know,

that you were watching me and Nessie.

Kay Kay is shocked.
- Shocked and embarrassed,

which is a thing that I
thought was very funny.

'Cause it's like bitch,

you sucked off the Loch Ness Monster.

- One of you should be embarrassed.

- Why are you embarrassed?
- This is a lesson,

confidence carries you everywhere.

- Which is actually what her friend says.

- Bitch, I saw you watching
me eat that monster's shit,

you should be so embarrassed.

- 'Cause she's like giving
her shit a little bit

and Kayleigh's like I can't
believe she's ragging on me

about this and it's like you
saw the graphic description

of a fountain of cum.
- You must be so

embarrassed that you saw
all that cum get on me.

- You're right, I should be embarrassed.

I was touching myself,
something that nobody does.

- Ew, Kayleigh, sorry I have
a bunch of shit in my mouth.

Eggs.
- Don't worry,

it smells like algae.

- Olivia tells Kay Kay,

listen I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings,

I didn't know that you had
these feelings for Nessie,

but you gotta go get yours.

And then, they get each other's.

- And that was nice.
- This was a nice scene.

- This was good erotica.
- Was good friendship.

- It was good friendship,
it was good tender--

- I love friends doing it.
- Yeah.

- As I look into both of your eyes.

- Yes, after the podcast.
- After the pod.

Some things are for after pod.

- This scene was among the
hotter scenes we've read.

All the human scenes in this book,

were the hotter erotica scenes

of the books we've read on this podcast.

- Definitely.
- Do you think that's because

they're relatable?
- I do.

Which is interesting, to
provide sharp contrast

of something wildly unrelateable to me.

I wonder if it's almost this is wonderful

because I just read about
monster fucking and I hated it.

- I do think it's genuinely
- Monster fucking.

- well written.
- Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

These monster fucks are
gonna fuck everything.

- I do think they're
genuinely well written.

I think they hit on sexy things

and I'm like ooh, I like that.

They come out of the woods
and Ray Ray confronts Kay Kay

'cause now she's upset, she's like I know

what you and Olivia did.

Everybody's calling each other out.

I know what you did,
there's a lot of jealousy.

Something just struck me,
it's a lot about jealousy

and then in the end the scene with Fergus,

when he's like I don't belong to you,

and I don't care what
you've done previously.

- That was another thing that
made me think it was a woman.

'Cause Fergus is eminently reasonable.

I feel like if Fergus
were written by a man,

he would be this toxic,
throw people around

- Jealous.
- kinda thing,

gettin' jealous, instead he's just like

you do not belong to me.
- You all belong to the sea.

- Bandit, we allowed to sing that?

- No, no, no, now we can't put this up.

- They have a bit of a confrontation

and then Kay remembers the
advice that Olivia get her,

just do it.
- And that's fun to me.

I do think it's a little soon, perhaps.

- It seems like maybe,
- She's a quick learner.

- five minutes have passed
since she just had sex

with her other friend, so for
me, that was a little soon.

- I was a little confused by,

was there a nursing scene there?

- There was a suck on the titty.

- Reagan was crying into Kayleigh's arms

and then she calmed her down

and then Reagan started
sucking on her breast.

- And they were like this
is the most intimate thing

I've ever done with my friend.

- One, it's very funny.

I at least sort of forgot they
were just naked all the time.

There's all these scenes
where I saw what you did,

kinda like having it out.

It's very funny to
remember they're just nude,

covered in sand, squattin'
and pickin' up berries.

That scene's such a hard turn.

You're crying, I'm trying
to make you feel better.

It didn't feel sexual either.

It felt gross.

Is she
being her mom right now?

Their skin must be so exfoliated.

- Yeah, from all the sand and cum.

- Although they didn't have sunscreen.

And if my boobs were out
in the sun that long,

- They'd burn.
- they'd be very burnt,

I think so.
- I never thought about that.

- This is why I'm also like
are these brown skin people,

'cause they're not wearing sunscreen,

they're out in the sun
all day, I don't know.

I've never gotten sunburn.

I would do well in this environment.

- I would thrive here.
- I would thrive here,

this is actually where I'm suppose to be.

- You need to go to a cove.
- Also then Kay and Ray Ray

go and have sex with Nessie.
- In one of the most

surprising scenes of
the books, I would say.

- I found this scene strange.
- I did as well.

- Because Kayleigh is like,
I wanna show you something.

- That was weird.
- And she brings her to Nessie

and then is rubbing Nessie's tail.

And then the penis come outta the cloaca.

- And doesn't she grab.

- Where's the cloaca at, the tummy?

Below the six pack?
- There's no six pack.

- Jess, there's no six pack.
- I think I get it.

Is it near his biceps
though, or his muscular ass?

His arm.

- That's also what I had a hard time with.

Visualizing where on his body they were.

- Where is the cloaca?
- It would be sort of

where you would expect
a genital opening to be.

- Belly button.
- Yeah, lower body.

I was confused by scale, 'cause
it is this enormous monster.

That's what I was confused by.

- Very manageable dicks.

- It would tear you open.

That thing would shred you, right?

- This is a fictional creature,
you don't know how big.

- Maybe that's why Nessie's
into all these human women,

'cause maybe he's not that well endowed

for a please-a-saur.
- He's the size of a house

but his dick is like this.

- Or it's the saddest of the
little Loch Ness Monster.

- During this scene, 'cause
Kayleigh kinda encourages

Reagan to join in in the sex with Nessie.

Kayleigh points out that
she's really proud of Reagan

for taking him into her body,

'cause Reagan has penetrative

vaginal sex.
- Before she does.

- Yeah.
- And she's like whoa,

I respect that.
- Nessie has two penises

by the way, a second penis comes out.

- Let's just gloss over that.
- Whatever, whatever,

it doesn't matter.

- Probably should linger on
that a little bit, right?

- Did you see that coming?
- I did not see that coming.

- Didn't you bring up.
- I did.

- You did?
- You knew?

- There was too many girls.

- Why wasn't there a third one?

- There's three girls, there
has to be at least two dicks.

- It never even entered my mind that there

would be a second dick.
- No one could sit

on Nessie's face?
- Yeah.

- He eats out no one.
- Yeah, he doesn't.

That's not a thing.
- Does he have a mouth?

- He received a lot, yes he coos.

- How would they work
his neck, it's so long.

She could fall to the
water, that would be weird.

- That would be weird.
- Two dicks, you need 'em.

And a tail.
- How are their legs situated?

- That's what I mean.
- The mechanics were a

little hard.
- They'd have to be split

like this, they must be two gymnasts.

- They must have crazy core strength.

- Or maybe their legs are one's like this

and the other's looped around.
- They could've knelt,

or maybe legs out in front.

- Maybe they're lying on
the beach and then it just.

- I think it would be more
uncomfortable than pleasurable,

for me, but I take.

- I agree.
- I like comfort.

I'm with you guys.
- I'll say too,

as the resident monster expert.

There are animals that have hemi peenies,

which are two dicks.

- Like a northern hemi
and a southern hemi?

- More like hemi the size
you would expect it to be.

Are you laughing at the word

hemi peen?
- The size you would

expect it to be.

- Snakes have them, they
have two dick-like things.

But they're small and they're very spiky.

- Wait, snakes have two dicks?
- They have two hemi peenies.

- So they do.
- They do.

- Ooh, baby, show me your

hemi peenie.
- I didn't know this

was a thing.
- Oh fuck,

your hemi peenie's

so hard, fuck.
- Oh, painful.

Painful, uh.

- No, that's all, this is
where I wanted it to go.

- It's interesting that
it's dick shaped creatures

that have these.

- Yeah, wow, that is
really interesting, Jess.

Maybe it would be too much
if it had what we think of.

- If a snake had a dick,
it'd just be draggin'.

- It would be like a baby
in a kangaroo's pouch.

- You'd just get confused.
- Ooh, yeah.

- Just like a smaller snake.
- Looks exactly like a snake.

- Which do I shoot?
- Is this the dick

or is this the butt?

- These are questions that Kayleigh

and Reagan should've asked.
- Oh my god, I'm dyin'.

- I shared this with some people pre-pod,

but as I read this
scene, I was at my house,

and I'd made myself a little tuna salad.

I read this and I was
so sick to my stomach.

I did finish my tuna, 'cause
I'm not a food waster,

but it was hard.
- Do not eat fish while

reading this book.
- 'Bout sex with fish.

- There should be a warning.
- You will get horny.

You will get too horny.
- Yeah, don't do it.

- Nessie probably smells like fish.

- Yes.
- Yeah, guaranteed.

- Oh god, it's so disgusting.

- Wait a minute, fresh fish doesn't smell.

- Have you ever been near sea lions?

- Yes, they smell.
- They smell, that's how I

imagine Nessie smelling.
- I've been here a lot,

but I don't remember smelling.
- They smell like old fish,

'cause they eat fish all day,

then they shit it out
and it smells like fish.

- They're not like a hot horse.

- Hot horse you can ride.
- Sucking on apples all day

gloriously.
- Eating delicious hay.

- Yum, yum, it smells good.

- The girls have sex with this creature,

it's truly nauseating.

- This scene sucks, this
is so bad, I hate this.

- I thought it was hot.
- No.

- I decided to make it up.
- Nessie's cooing this whole

fuckin' time.

Reagan's shaking hand reached
out for Nessie's thick organ.

The legendary beast let
out a long, long groan.

From his glistening cloaca a
second throbbing cock emerged.

- So angry.
- Yeah, I hate it.

- Here's another thing
that's a little upsetting

about the cooing is
that it is so juvenile.

If you're doing something sexual.

- You're fucking a stuffed animal.

Yes mommy, yes.

- Don't do that.

Don't do that.
- Have I been a good baby?

Kayleigh looked up just as Reagan slipped

the enormous rod into her slick channel.

- Slick channel.
- There's a lot of interesting

thesauruses in this book.
- That's true.

- Forbidden rose bud.
- Southern star.

- I did record every instance
of a vaginal euphemism.

- Glistening garden, narrow canal, chasm.

- It's not just chasm.
- It's something else.

- It's like wanting chasm or.

- You need an adjective before that.

- I wouldn't wanna have it called a chasm.

It sounds too big.
- I'd agree.

- Like the Grand Canyon, chasm open.

- There'd be an echo.
- We cannot see where it

begins or ends, many men have
gotten lost in this chasm.

- No thank you.
- Oh, fuck.

He fucks 'em to sleep.

- Right to bed.
- Which, I like that,

that's my favorite.

Then, Ferguson shows up.
- Fergus.

- Fergie.
- Fergie shows up.

I can't sing any of this.

- A song we can't sing.

- Imagine we're singing
a Fergie song right now.

- There's different combinations of people

that have sex along the way,
but then Kay is realizing,

I fantasized about Nessie forever,

but I have a real connection
with that boat captain

that I hung out with for five minutes

and he rubbed his dick on my butt.

- Did we feel like this
relationship was rushed?

Yes.

- One hard cock on a ship.
- Aren't all the best ones?

- They know nothing about
each other, other than that

they can have sex.
- The second time

they have met.

The first one is the cock

and the captain's wheel,
and then the second time

is fucking on the loch
ness island or whatever.

Fergus pulled away sharply,
his cock slipping free

of Kayleigh's mouth with a wet noise.

- Again, everything's wet and slurpy.

This is a 7-Eleven add.

- Ooh, slurpees with cock straws.

- He covered her belly and
breast with his hot seed.

- He also, I think, should be a red flag

when he was sort of like ah,

I was so worried about
you, fuck your friends.

He does say that.

- You gotta be careful with this guy,

if he's that willing to dismiss

your friends to death, maybe no.

- He also, when they make
love, he cums inside of her

and I don't know if
she's on birth control.

- I don't think she is.
- Did she give him

permission to do that?
- That's also not really

talked about.
- They're on Nessie's island.

Nessie would never let anything.

Those berries are contraception.

- Everything here is contraception.

Welcome to Nessie's island.
- You can't miss a day

or your hormones will be fucked.

- Also there's some side
effects you should know about.

- You'll be really dizzy
and nauseous, dry mouth,

which you'll have to immediately wet.

- Also, these girls, in
the span of the book,

it's been a couple nights now.

And as I was reading,
kept thinking about this

poor math teacher havin'
to call their parents

on their vacation in Cabo, we don't know

where your daughter is.
- But they do

acknowledge that, 'cause I
was wondering about that too.

They've been gone for
awhile, this is a problem.

Towards the end of the
book they acknowledge.

It was like oh yeah, they
were worried about you.

We looked for a day and then we gave up.

You gave up after a day?
- Well, we searched the

restaurant and they died.

This is sort of where
the metaphor starts to

really kick in, towards
the end of the book.

Nessie has left, and
Kayleigh's really concerned.

Oh no, Nessie saw me fucking
Fergus and is upset with me.

- She trusts that he'll come back.

Coo?

- What we don't see is Nessie crying

on an old, ratty couch under the loch.

Just eatin' Haagen-Dazs,
watchin' Steel Magnolias.

- Calling a Centaur.
- Calm down Nessie,

I'll be right over.

Galloping under the lake.

- She's really concerned,
but the thing she realizes

is while she felt for Nessie,
Nessie really just taught her

what she wanted in her life, which is sex,

and sex with all genders,
which is a nice message.

- Go for what you want.
- Go for what you want,

Olivia was right.
- Although.

- What?
- I did write down that

it did seem like if you
know what you want, take it,

is an odd lesson to
put in an erotica book.

- I guess it's flipped because
it's on the woman's side.

That's fair.

- Just stop making people
18, 'cause that's where--

- Yeah, it's a little weird.
- You're still kind of

a child.
- I am just bummed too

that she ends up with Fergus.

Cause the development of Ray and Kay,

Kay Kay and Ray Ray,
- Was nice.

- they truly did have
feelings for one another.

- They were childhood best friends.

- They both admit it and say it

that they've always had these feelings

and I just think it woulda
been so much more satisfying

if she was like I just wanna be with you.

I wanna make this work.
- And Fergus is only

in three chapters I think.
- I had this experience.

- She is young and if it is a story about

broadening your horizons,

and trying all kinds of different things

and experimenting, then maybe it's

to plant the seed, no pun intended.

- Hot seed.
- All over your body.

- There's a deeper
relationship down the line,

but for now it's just fucking.

- Maybe, there is a sequel it recommended.

I don't know if it's a sequel,

like it actually
corresponds with this book,

but called Moist in the Moonlight.

- Beautiful.
- Beautiful name.

- Could be a nice spiritual sequel.

- Did we reach the end?
- We are at the end.

- I'm not taking out my clock.
- The girls have one final

fuck fest with Nessie.
- Yes, they do.

- And then he bids the adieu.
- Kayleigh doesn't

participate.
- She's with Fergus.

- And then they have
sex while the other two

are having sex with.
- Which I like this.

- Which is nice.
- Then Nessie bids them all

fond farewell, he knows
this won't be the last time

they know, this is the part
that really bothered me.

He licks her goodbye,
which is what made me think

the dog thing.
- He licks her goodbye.

Don't you think that's nasty,

lick your cheek goodbye?

- Is that a kiss?
- He's a monster.

- When I leave for work every morning,

I give my wife a big,
wet lick on the cheek.

And then I trot off.

- It's too cutesy.
- It keeps skirting the line

between is this your
adorable animal friend.

- Like if Dora fucked Boots,
that would be strange.

- That's gotta exists too, right?

- Her and the fuckin'
backpack have to exist.

Just fuckin' rub it on a backpack.

- I pulled your hard cock.
- Felt the fuckin' hard zipper

right on my clit.
- Me and the backpack

had always been close, but not like this.

- Dora, I saw you with
the backpack in the woods.

- The girls go back to their
life, but changed forever.

But not after one final little

boat session for Ferg and Kay,

which that's kind of a little fade out.

We're left just to imagine.
- The Cloaca closes

on this chapter.

- With a wet, iris wipe, sphincter's down.

- And that's it, that's Wet for Nessie.

What an experience.
- It was.

- Does it feel rude,

if you've been missing for three days

and you finally come back to be like

I don't need to check in with anyone,

we're gonna fuck one last time.

- Absolutely, I think it's rude.

- It's in poor taste, Emily Post.

- But also, if you're in
love, you do dumb things.

- That's true.
- What do we think

of the book, if you had to rate it.

- Oh yes, one, being a drought

and five being slide off your chair.

And sometimes I know in the Discord

people have different ratings.

- It's all subjective.
- It's all subjective,

it's based on vaginal secretion,

so don't worry if we have
something a little different.

- Yes, it's really great that we all

think differently about these books,

and that's the whole point.

Some people get turned on by Nessie

and some people don't and that's fine.

- I'll say I thought this
was a lot of fun to read.

It's only 45 pages.

I literally read this on a commute.

I wasn't driving.

I should specify that.

Oh my god, what the, two dicks?

I think it was fun to read
and I think there were some

hot scenes, mostly not involving Nessie.

But you know what, if you
like those scenes too--

There's
something for everybody.

- There's something for everyone.

- There is something for everybody.

- Three sopping wet stars.
- Wow.

- I love this.
- Squish, squish.

- Don't squish 'em too much.

- Marissa?
- I would give it a 2.5.

Can I do point five?
- Yes.

- 'Cause I did think the
friendship stuff was cool.

- Yes, absolutely.
- Fergus was kind of

a disappointment for me.
- Absolutely.

- And the monster stuff obviously.

I think they could've
heightened a little bit more.

- That third dick.
- I wanted Fergus to be

the Loch Ness Monster,
I wanted that reveal.

- That would be, actually,
very good writing.

- I thought for sure
Fergus was gonna turn out

to be the Loch Ness Monster.

- Do you think that crossed
the writer's mind to do that?

- Maybe, I think that that also is a thing

in erotic monster novels, like werewolf

and things like that.

The transformation thing.
- Beauty and the Best.

- Beauty and the Beast.
- My favorite erotic.

Ooh, Mrs Potts.

- Reika, you can't watch this anymore.

- I'm so horny.

- They made such a point of him
being not in the same place.

And it felt like that would knit together

this sort of thing of like
oh I have these feelings

for both and it's just like yeah,

this is me in different forms.

Felt like kind of everyone got short shift

of a relationship by splitting it between

Fergus, Nessie and her friends.

- Do you think if it was one in the same,

you'd give it a higher rating?
- It would be a 3.5.

- Ooh, squish, squish.

I have to give it a three.

In terms of fun, this was
definitely the most fun to read.

I was screaming the whole time.

- Again, thank you Cutie Patudius.

- Thank you so much.

I do have the caveat, the Nessie
scenes, a hard zero for me.

Truly nauseating.
- Didn't understand what

was happening half the time.
- Sick to my stomach.

Dry mouth.
- You just gotta be in the

right mood.
- No.

- Get in the bath.
- There's no mood

you get wet for Nessie.
- You light some candles.

You spill bunch of fish food in the bath

to simulate the feel and smell.

You get some old seaweed and
ya wrap it around your arms.

- Then at the end of the bath,

you take some boiling hot water

and splash that hot
seed all over your face.

The Nessie scenes were disgusting to me.

- They were stomach turning.
- The ultimate symbolism

was nice, but the scenes with the friends,

those were hot, I appreciated the attempts

at subtle friendship and
actual friendship concerns.

I wish she didn't end
up with Fergus, as well.

I wish that they were all older.

I probably would've given
it maybe even a four

if they were older.
- What if it was

The Shape of Water guy?
- I have no interest in him.

I don't know what Nessie head
in hot body would look like,

super long neck,
- He's got abs.

- really muscular man's body,

that would still look disgusting.

I'm not into the monster shit at all.

- It's just weird that he has a--

- Big, long, neck.

Maybe man head, Nessie body, fine.

- I think everybody's right,
'cause on just the regular sex

and story, I give a five,
but those Nessie scenes

are so stomach turning, we got a zero

and we average that out, we got a 3.5.

So 3.5 is, but I truly enjoyed it so much.

I would definitely

recommend it.
- It was enjoyable.

- You simply have to with
your friends, with a lover,

it doesn't matter.
- Eat before you read it.

- Or, never, I don't know.

- Thank you so much, our
experts, for being with us.

Truly the greatest minds in our office.

Thank you everyone for
watching and then next,

we have lined up, forgive
me for another fantasy world

that we're in, but I'm
just havin' a little fun.

We have the Neck Romancer Chronicles.

Erotic Fantasy, book one, by D.R. Rossier.

It is a $1.99 on Amazon.

Consider it the sexiest cup of
coffee you'll have all week.

We'd love for you to keep readin' along,

keep puttin' comments in the Discord.

And if you're watching on CH two,

it's great meetin' you on here.

Hopefully you can join us on Dropout

and hang out with us in the Discord,

'cause we're havin' so
much fun doing this.

Thank you everybody for bein' here.

- And here's a little pitch.

If you have an idea about what you think

Nessie looks like, please put
it in the fan art channel.

We would love to see
your ideas about that.

- Yes, maybe I'll draw
one and put it in there.

'Cause I'm gonna draw
what I've been thinking.

- And I'll draw what I've been thinking.

- There's these amazing pieces
of art from Fantasy High

and then there's a stick
figure of an ab Nessie

with two dicks.
- Here's the thing,

don't put context around it,

'cause we don't want
anyone else in the Discord

in Fantasy High and
Cartoon Hell to understand.

- Tag it Fantasy High.
- Yeah, tag D20

Fantasy High, at Brennan Lee Mulligan.

All of these photos, please.

Thank you so much.
- Thank you, bless you all.

- Bye.
- Goodnight.

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