All language subtitles for E.B.C.S01E03

- Hello Everyone, welcome
to Erotic Book Club.

The book club where we read erotic books.

I am your host Jessica.

I'm here with my co-host.

- I'm Rekha.

- And we're so very lucky
to have two experts with us.

Our resident dirty booty
expert, Raph is here.

- That's me the Tang.

- The Tang is in the house.

- Tang gang, tang gang!

- And a new face to some of
the College Humor audience,

we have our resident viking expert,

Andrew.

- Hey.

- Thanks for being here.

- Oh, thank you so much for having me.

I'm so excited to talk
about space and vikings.

- Yes, the book is Vikings in Space.

- Yes, by Zoe York.

- Yes.

It is book one of the
Vikings in Space series.

The book is called A Viking's Peace.

P-E-A-C-E.

- Not P-I-E-C-E, like his side piece.

Or a piece of pizza.

It's an erotic book.

- The vikings piece with an
I would have made more sense.

- A little more sense.

- Because the title doesn't have

anything to do with the story.

- I think you're wrong
this is about diplomacy.

The entire book-

- More than half
of it is about that.

- Yeah but the peace is never disturbed.

The peace is never threatened.

Just like-

- Maybe your peace wasn't.

- Okay.

The thing he's worried about introducing

relations with FedNat or FNUF

is FedNat United Forces.

FNUF I thought it was very funny.

The thing he's worried
about is not them fighting

with Earth, it's tourists.

Yeah.

They are
worried about tourists.

- That's the primary thing
he's concerned about.

Yeah.

- Yes, so, we're a little
ahead of ourselves.

We need to set up the world that we're in.

The year

is 2254,

so we're in the future.

Our two lead characters
are Reinn, he's a viking.

We learn that he is the
son of the king viking.

And he is supposed to
take over the throne,

but he'd rather be

an agricultural scientist.

Yes.

- Yes, and then we have
Ashleigh who is from Earth.

Vikings have left Earth,

she's going on a diplomatic mission to,

what was their planets name?

Reinngard?

- Midgard.
- Midgard.

- Midgard, to visit the Midgardians,

and have diplomacy and stop tourism.

Also there's resources
that they talk about a lot

in the book.
- It's a lot.

Yeah, it's front-loaded a lot

with this sort of pseudo

Game of Thrones-esque

back story.
- Yeah Game of Thrones

meets Star Trek or something like that.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I was so embarrassed
'cause I was reading it

and I sincerely thought,

so Andrew's a huge Game of Thrones fan.

He's my Dungeon Master in our game.

He has a photographic
memory for this stuff.

And I was like, "Well at least Andrew's

"gonna love this stuff."

He's gonna be so into it.

And then I saw him half
way through the week,

and I was like, "How
you liking that book?"

And he told me it was crap.

- Well, the fact that
there's vikings in it

hardly enters into it at all.

Right it's more just in name.

And size.

- Yeah.

- They are large people.
- They are very wide.

- Yes, They are very wide.

- I don't know about tall, but wide.

- They are wide.
- Some sex practices

come into it.

Which we'll discuss later.

- Viking sex practices?

- Well that there's a
feast and that all of them

have sex at the feast.

Oh.

Well, and the Viking Planet

is very about group sex.

- Yeah, and about partnering.
- And watching it.

- Yeah, you can have someone
come into your bedroom.

- Right, right.
- Is that accurate

towards viking?

- I don't know.

Yeah, you're the expert so

you have to kinda-
- Wow.

- Right, well, based on my
viking research, which is reading

Neil Gaiman's, Norse Mythology, once.

Yes.

- That's more than any of us.

You're the expert today.
- Yeah.

I read it only-
- I guess.

Seems like it makes sense.

- Cool.
- Okay.

And they use
oils and stuff that type?

- Probably.

Yeah, their
oil is very important.

But at least
that we know for a fact,

that it's accurate.

- Great, great.

- Okay, let's just say we
know for a fact that oil-

that vikings liked to
dribble oil on their bodies.

Yeah, they need
lube to really get it going.

It's dry up there.

- It's so dr-

Actually, that's a great point.

It's probably really dry, your
skin's probably like super-

- We're in space

They're in space, the
same way where in space.

Do you mean space travel
or on their planet?

- Well I don't know what their

planet's atmosphere is like.
- I mean that they're Vikings.

- I'm saying that too
because they have two moons.

So their gravity and their
waves would be different

than ours.
- Out of control, yes.

And nobody's talking about it.

- Nobody's talking about it.

Yeah it's subtly implied,

throughout the entire book
that they're all just like,

and really fucking hard to lift

their limbs over.
- God, gravity's

different here.

Would two moons make it more
to the ground or floaty?

I think more to the ground.

- You think?

Because the moon's gravitational pull-

'Cause the gravitational-

what?

Yeah, what does the moon do for us?

- Yeah. I mean if affects
waves, I know that.

- It affects waves.
- What has the moon

done for me lately?

- It affects the waves.
- I would think

it would make us lighter.

'Cause it affects waves.
- It makes me and Rekha crazy.

- I thought it would pull-

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Alright, we're getting-

- Guys we should have
brought our space expert.

I have a friend who
watched one Carl Sagan.

- I'm not an astrophysicist,
but that doesn't sound correct.

- Yeah, well regardless,
they need more oils here.

Yeah, that we can agree on.

- As far as erotic books
go and I mean, obviously,

I am a fan of the show.

But I have not actually read the books,

- Yeah.

- any other erotic books.

And for this one, I
would think there's more-

Would you say there's more
or less of the diplomacy of

- Oh this is a book book.
- the world built like the-

- There is far more diplomacy in this book

than in the previous books we've read.

- These notes are so dense.

They talked about the
name of their planet.

- Midgard has limited trade
and precious minerals.

You know?

- I thought there'd be more sex honestly.

I thought page one would be-

- We're in it.

- We're into the copulation of people.

- Yes, well-

- Doesn't happen.

- Doesn't happen til way later.

- Chapter seven is when we get our first-

- The actual

penetration.
- Penetration.

- When a book is only nine chapters long,

that's a little too far in.

- Well it's the climax.

It's the climax of when it's the climax-

- Well here, lets add up what's happened.

Let's get into this book.

Okay.

- So, Ashleigh's going to the planet.

And all of the Earth
diplomats are paired up

with a Midgardian diplomat.

And believe it or not, guess
who she's paired up with?

Our boy Reinn,

the viking son, king.

King, son of the king.

Yes.

And they kind of have it for each other

as soon as they meet.

And I'm into them.

I think they're cute together,
I love their back and forth,

will we, won't we?

I mean I'm feelin' it.
- It's a real

Sam and Diane situation.

- It totally is.
- Real Sam and Diane.

Sam and Diane.

There's a show called Cheers
and Same and Diane were the

main characters on that show.

- Sam's sort of the wide
viking of the Cheers bar.

- Diane's sort of-
- Three Diane's wide.

- Sort of a second in command lieutenant,

from another planet.

- Well there's the whole arg
about Reinn's baseball career.

And being an alcoholic
but he's still a bartender.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

- So they meet.

They're feeling each
other but they're like,

"This cannot happen."

But they want it to happen.

And we as the audience,
know it's gonna happen.

- I mean I was at a loss.

Honestly questioning it five chapters in.

If it was gonna happen.

- If it was gonna happen.
- It takes so long.

- Yeah.

- It is a bit too much
will-they-won't-they?

I will agree to that.

But I liked a little bit of it.

I like a little bit of tease
- Sure.

- and a little bit of lookey lookey.

What's gonna happen?

- I like that too. I wish-

So the whole reason they can't,
the-won't-they, of the book.

is because it's not
professional for Ashleigh

on a mission,

right?
- Yes.

- To have sexual relations

with a diplomat.
- And this is

her first mission.

She's right out of the
academy, she got the mission

because somebody got
future flu or something.

- Future flu.

- And then she had to go,

and everyone's like,

"Is she gonna be able to do this?"

So that's why she's
extra, throughout, like,

"I can't do this."

"I can't compromise my job."

- And I think that's very relatable.

- Yeah.

- I think you always wanna
be on your best behavior

and I think as a woman, you know,

I can understand if I'm going into space,

I don't wanna fuck on my first mission.

- Yeah, for sure.

- Totally.
- Yeah.

- And we all understand.

- Yeah, I get that.
- Is that accurate

in viking culture?

- Yeah, the disease,
that her predecessor got,

just so we have the specific,
is viral Guaravian fever.

- I told you he loves specifics.

You don't love that?

You love this shit.

- He loves this shit.
- He loves it, I knew it.

- Definitely, I'm like, oh,
do they have specific names

for all the things in it?

- Viral Guaravian fever
sounds like a thing you get

from eating a fruit.

- Yes.

Guava.

- Guava, guava fever.

- He ate a bunch of guavas
from his neighbors' tree.

- Also, for those of you just listening,

Andrew has a hard copy of this book.

He doesn't like reading it on the screen.

- I mean, I bet this
author is really happy.

Yeah, you made Zoe York's day.

Good, I'm
the only one who's ever

bought this book.

Aww.

Aww, well not you made her sad.

Zoe, close your ears.

- So he's showing her around
and is showing her her room.

There's like this fun little
scene, where there's like,

here's our special Viking rain thing.

And he's like, "Oh, you should do it."

And then she's like, "What?"

There's a little flirtation there.

And then he tells her about the feast.

And the feast is known for all
of the vikings that eat a lot

and then they all have
sex with one another.

And that's one of the big
things that vikings do.

So they're excited to go
to that but he's like,

"Oh it's just kind of more
for show and for the tourists.

"And we don't do that all the time.

"We usually just go to our friend's house

"and watch them do it.

"But today, it's a special
day, so we're all gonna

"watch each other.

"I'll see you there."

Yeah.

She's feeling him.

They go to the feast.

And I was kinda bummed out by the feast.

That we didn't get to see more of the sex.

- Right.
- Yeah.

- It's like as soon as it
started, they were like,

"Oh but don't watch that."

- Yes.

It was a little-

the tease element of this book is a little

too literal.
- Too much.

- Yeah, it's like a
tease for both Ashleigh

and the reader.

Which is not what should happen.

I think.

- Yeah.
- Right.

- They're at the feast, she
meets the dad and impresses him.

And he's impressed by that too, Reinn.

Then they go out to the
garden and have a quick little

smooch under the two moons.

Very like Moonstruck.

Have you guys seen that movie?

- Yeah.

Come on.

- I haven't.
- The one with Cher right?

Yeah!

- Yeah, love it,

she's so great.
- What was the

gravitational pull like in that movie?

- Oh, her hair was way closer to the sun.

- She's got big old hair in that movie.

- Wow.

- And she looks hot as hell, oh my God.

She's great, Cher is great.

Nicholas Cage was good in that movie.

He's incredible.

He doesn't have a hand
and he's like, "My hand!"

And that's what this
scene is kind of like.

- One thing I liked, they stayed,

and so we were talking a little bit about,

beforehand, ways we thought
maybe this was actually

written by a woman.

She says she's not a virgin.

And not that-

I'm totally fine with virgins
being in these erotic books

but I feel like the norm
for what we've read is

this sort of virginal

aspect to the protagonist.
- Oh, that's so gross.

- Yeah, so clueless, yeah.

That's so disgusting.

- Even though they're not
actually virgins, again,

there's truly nothing wrong
with there being a virgin

protagonist whatsoever.

But thinking from
the man's perspective.

He thinks that she-

- That that's hot or something.

- Yeah or but that she is a virgin.

- Yes.
- Like as far as he knows,

she's a virgin.

Like, I'm gonna

break her in.
- And they make a point, ugh!

- And that's gross.

And I appreciated that
that wasn't in this book.

- She's done it a couple times
before but never like this.

- Yeah I do remember.

Yeah, right exactly, the
think of never like this.

Are we getting to the sex yet?

Or we still have ways to go?

- A little ways to go.
- We're teasin' it.

Okay, okay, okay.

There's a big tease.

- And at the feast, an
odd thing that happened,

was this woman was singing for everyone,

before the sex happened.

And she's naked and pregnant.

And all these people are
kind of like, fanning her.

And then Reinn's like,
"Yeah that's my ex wife."

Yes.

And it's like, his ex wife
left him for his best friend.

And so all the viking
community sees that as bad.

They're like, "You
couldn't keep your woman."

- That's very offensive
in the viking community.

When your wife leaves you.

- I thought that that was gonna come back,

you know what I mean?

- I thought the ex wife was
- It comes back once,

- gonna come back too.
- because she throws it

in his face of like-

- Does she?

- Yeah, sometime towards
the end, she's like,

"What I'm not like your ex wife?"

And then he's like, "What, no."

It's totally irrelevant.

Oh yeah.

- It's like a totally
superficial conflict point.

- Yeah.

I do love Reinn, every time
the beginning back and forth,

when he keeps talking about
wanting to throw her down

on furs and just do her.
- Right.

There was something about that
that was really getting me.

- Right.
- I really liked it.

'Cause it's been cold lately-

Just for some back
story, it's been freezing

in Jess's apartment.
- It's freezing out here.

- We're talkin' like, 49 degrees.

- And one time I was
making, we were making love,

me and Kate, and she put a
blanket over me and then I came

and it felt so fucking good
to be so warm and comfy.

I was like, "I am in heaven."

- 'Cause of the blanket.

- Because of the blanket.

- So you have to understand
where Jess is coming from okay?

From personal experience.

- So, just all these furs, I'm like,

"Oh, that sounds so comfy."

Just the whole book is like a big,

it's a nice winter read, I think.

Yes, it is a nice winter read.

There is a lot of blanket play.

It's a lot
of blankets, a lot of,

"Oh I got you a gift.

- I got you a gift.
- "Let me tuck you into bed."

And I'm like, "Oh god, yes!"

- And he picks her up a lot.

And his big fuckin' arms and fat neck.

- By the booty, by the booty.

- His fat neck!

- By her tight, little ass.

- Like a little baby kitten.

- He's got a thick neck, I bet.

He picks her up by her tight little ass,

that's what they say.
- Her tushie.

Yes, by her tushie.

- It says bottom, a lot.

I was surprised by how often,

she goes with the term,
Right the terms.

bottom.

But then, cock.

Yeah, right.

- Like he rubbed his
cock against your bottom.

- I think woman feel
good about their butts.

I feel like most women have
something they don't like

about themselves, but they're
like, "But I do have an ass."

And so I could get why she
was into her bottom, a lot.

- Yeah it talks about
her having this nice ass,

but there's zero butt stuff in this book.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Another promise

that wasn't kept.

- Which our dirty boot expert,
- It's just a lot of palming.

any thoughts on that?

- So I mean, you promised me-
- Here's where you come in.

You promised me!

- You promised!
- What did I promise you?

- Jess, you promised.

Just by inviting me on this,

that's the implication.

That is true, that is true.

- I didn't get to use any
of my books or my research.

- Okay, so they have a little
kiss under the moonlight,

but its of course, "No,
no, no, we can't do this."

They space text each other for a little.

And it's like a little
horny, a little racy.

And then one day he sends
gifts to her apartment.

He gets her a dinner,
which I also love that.

Yes

But wasn't it like
- I mean, I just

- wanna be Ashleigh.
jellies and stuff?

Didn't it describe it as-

the word jelly was in
whatever the food was.

That's their culture.

- Sorry, I'm being insensitive.

- They love jellies

and spreads.
- They loves jellies and oil.

- Yeah, it's like an Ikea.

A lot of that stuff's

kinda gelatinous.
- Viking stuff is super-

if you're having a hard time picturing it,

it's kind of a lot like an Ikea.

- Oh it is?

- They met in the
bistro, he took her over-

- They had lingonberry jam
and stuff and then they

went to the kitchen section-

- You know what else I love?
- They sleep on a bed

built for sex.

- Like in Ikea, yeah.

- Well, the bed in her apartment,

on that part of the planet,
they said is a viking-sized bed,

which I imagine is even
bigger than a California king.

And that's big.

- Yeah, that's really big.

Almost too big.

- No, never too big.

- I think it could be too big.

- I don't have a room big enough

for a California bed.

- Room wise.

- If the room is big enough,

if you can guarantee
the room is big enough.

- If the room's big enough.
- If you have

an infinity room, would
you want a viking bed?

- Yeah.

- Sure.
- Yeah.

- I guess it's just hard to imagine.

- I'm only two Ashleigh's wide.

- I don't know, it
sounds like too much bed.

- In the book, they
describe Reinn as being

three Ashleigh's wide.
- Three Ashleigh's wide.

that's really bad.

- Very wide man.

- I was picturing the guy
from the Emperor's New Groove.

Not the llama, but-

- I know, Kronk!

- Yeah.
- Pull the lever, Kronk!

I pictured Kronk.

- I love that. Oh my god,
I'm more into this book.

Or like the big ant from Antz.

- Oh, yeah!

Yeah, yeah.

I know what you're talking about.

- He's so fucking jacked.

- Yeah, he's huge.
- Forget the Ikea analogy,

if you're having trouble picturing it,

Reinn is a big, hot ant.

- Oh I was picturing the candle guy

from Beauty and the Beast.

- What?
- For Reinn the whole time.

- It would be Beast.

- It would be Beast, Andrew, Jesus.

- No, but in my mind's
eye it was the candle guy.

- Okay, picture Sebastian
from The Little Mermaid, okay,

and now picture him wider.

That's sort of Reinn.

- A picture of three Ashleigh's wide.

Oh my god, where were we?

Okay so they're sexting each other.

He gives her a gift, it's
that, and then at the feast,

there was also a moment
when dancers came out

and they rub oil.

And oil is a very big part,
which we've talked about.

And he gives her oil,
as well, and he's like,

"I'll show you how I jack
it when we finally do it."

Which I was like, "How
many ways could there be?"

I would feel like I know.

- Yeah, yeah.
- I get it.

Yeah, there's not mystery there.

- He's like, "I rub my
hand up and down it."

- It's like, no, no, no but look.

- And she's like, "Yeah I get it."

- No, no, no, but-

- But see the way I do it is different.

- I wrap it real tight in my fist, see.

- And I put my hand this way.

- Yes, that is weird.

- Oh okay.

- Also, Reinn has foreskin.

And I do think that that is important.

- Yes.
- They're viking,

that's where viking elements-

vikings are all over this place.

Andrew?

- Yup, they don't believe in circumcision,

I don't think.
- Yes, I would-

- And they're huge,
they're very wide people.

- I would like to talk
about his cock for a second.

- Of course!
- Okay.

- "It was a thing of beauty,
with silky skin stretched tight

"behind a wide head.

"Dusky pink down the
length, almost dark purple

"behind the foreskin.

"And all hers."

I hated that.

- I hated that so much.

That sounded so gross.

It sounded like-

I don't know.

You know sometimes Gak would
come in a shape like a vessel

that was shaped like something?

- Like a penis?

Is that what you're saying?

When you say, like something?

Are you saying that Gak would

come in a contain-
- Yes I remember penis Gak.

- You remember when they put
out that line of penis Gak?

- And you squeeze it
and it came out the top.

Yes!
- Nickelodeon got real weird

for a minute.

- Also, is what you're

describing a tube?
- And then Stick Stickly.

- Did it come in a tube?

And you're just calling it a thing

that looked like a penis?
- Listen, maybe I'm thinking

of Flum, but they'd be like,

"Look it's a football."

And it's shaped like a football
and then you take it out

and messed with it the
way you would like to.

- The way this is describing,
it's just like too-

the colors are too,

- Vibrant?
- Vibrant.

It makes me think of Gak or something.

- Yeah, yeah, there's this
part towards the end where

"The dark slit at the very end".

- Yes.

- "The subtle fold of his
foreskin stretched behind

that thick plumb head."

- Plumb head!

- "The dark slit at the very end."

What a gross way to

describe the tip of a dick.
- It sounds like a

Veggie Tales thing, when you say that.

Plumb hat.

- Oh my God.

A Veggie Tale.

It's very religious.

- This is the worst Veggie Tale.

I've ever seen.

- Also, she describes

she describes cock a lot.

But also, when she refers to herself,

her own-

- Sex.

- Sex organs?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, she literally just
calls it, her "Wet se-"

This is a sentence,

"Her wet sex riding his straining cock."

- Eh.

- I don't know why people
use the word sex so much

to describe it in these parts.

- This happens in other books.
- 'Cause it comes up a lot.

- Yeah.

- "Her wet sex."
- I wonder if pussy

and cunt is considered vulgar.

And sex is still sexy but not

Right.

- Like what else would you call it?

What other word,

there's vagina.
- Poonani.

- There's a part where she-

- My Poonani.
- Poonani?

- My poonani was sopping.

- There's a part where she wonders

if he'll call it her-
- What he likes it.

- Will he call it pussy or cunt?

But then we never answer that.

- No he doesn't refer to it at all.

- He check off's gun, yeah.

We never unleashed whether he would call-

- Check off's cock.

- Check off's pussy, yeah.

- Oh my God.
- Why does your cock strain?

Is it reaching for something?

- Maybe he's really old.

- Maybe he's real
dehydrated and that's why

it looks so -
- Oh, see the oils.

The oils.

It all comes back to oils.

- Now it makes sense.

See the book is deeper

than you guys are.
- The book does makes sense.

- It is, yeah, we just gotta think.

- This is also something kinda
to touch on what Raph said.

Because she's describing
her vagina as her "sex".

Did you guys notice the narration shift?

- Yes.
- It shifted a lot

between perspectives between,

at first it was a lot of
Ashleigh and then it kind of

shifted to Reinn for most
of the rest of the book.

- Yeah.

- Oh I thought the POV
switched back and forth,

which I liked because it

tripled, quadrupled confirmed consent.

- Yes.

- And I was like, "All
books should do this."

- Yes.
- We should hear

how both parties and thinking and feeling

about this at all times.

- Yeah.

- It made me so much more into it.

- Yes.

- The only part that was creepy
for me, is in chapter six,

where it's-

- When the ghost came?

- No, I was cool with the
ghost, ghosts are cool.

But at the beginning of
chapter six, it says,

"Reinn watched Ashleigh sleep
for hours before ducking out."

- Yeah.

- The ducking out is very funny.

- He's huge.

- How long do you watch women sleep for?

Hours.

- Hours, days.

And then I duck out.

- And then I duck.
- She's sick.

- Yeah, she's sick,
she's sleeping forever.

- Raph, how much-

- What could she have been
doing that would've kept

his attention for hours?

- Just seeing those boobies go up and down

when she's breathing.

- He did talk about how
he wanted to grab her boob

when she was sleeping and
then, I'm skipping to the end,

and he was like, "Maybe I shouldn't."

And then she, in her sleep,
was like, "I wanna go

"in a hot tub."

- He was like, "Oh, okay."

- I wanna go in a hot tub.

- I wanna go in a hot tub.

- I did forget to mention
one thing about the feast,

there is a voyeuristic element as well.

So after the kiss, they go
back in and their watching

everybody do it.

He's kinda behind her and there's a bit of

- Oh cock play.

- Feeling his penis on her butt.

- Right, right.
- Which I like,

I always like stuff like
that, a little pokey pokey.

And he can sense that they're
both getting off on watching,

which I was also into that.

I liked it.
- Yeah.

- How'd everybody else feel?

- About that thing?
- Like voyeuristic stuff.

- Yeah, I'm okay by it, I liked it.

It's nice that they did it together.

- It didn't bother me.

Yeah, I thought it was fine.

It didn't do anything for me, if that's

what you're wondering.
- It doesn't yeah,

I didn't need it.

- I think it's nice plot wise,
but yeah, a lot of this book

ended up not doing as
much for me as I thought.

- It's doin' it for me.

- Yeah, the furs.

- The furs, the watching.
- Look, Jess, oh my God,

watch out.
- Whooo!

- Furs I get.

The furs I understand.

- Everybody wants to be
wrapped in fur when they come.

- Yeah.

- And then you gotta get

a new fur.
- Well it is a fuzzy blanket

that I have too.

It's this blue blanket I got
at Marshalls that I just love.

- Is it the Berkshire blankets?

The really fluffy ones?

- I think so.

- Yeah, I get it.

- Yeah.

- You should tell Marshalls.

You should be like,

- I came in this.

- "Your blanket really enhances my sex."

- Yeah, I came in this almost instantly.

Five stars.

- It just felt so good.

- Put it in a Target
review, or Marshalls review.

- All right, she gets her gifts.

Then he visits her in the night one night.

There's more back and
forth, do-they-don't-they,

we don't even have to get into that.

But our first kind of sex
moment happens, chapter seven,

when he visits her in the night.

- Yeah.

- And he's already proposed,
professed his love, well,

- Yeah.

- Basically, yeah.

- They have it bad for
each other, instantly.

It's love at first sight.

Right.

Purely carnal.
- And he goes in

and he's like, "I want
this, you want this,

"but we can't do this until
we've figured out what it is."

And she's like, "Well I have
my job, so this can't happen."

- Yeah.

- And he picks her up
and tucks her into bed.

- Yes.

And then the start fooling
around, and then he fingers her,

and eats her out.

- Yes.

- "Sucking and fucking with his mouth."

- Yes.

- Which I thought was funny.

It's a little Dr. Seuss-y.

- Yeah, that old Dr. Seuss book.

- Sucking and fucking.

- Really reminds me of some of the Seuss's

early erotic works.

- I bet you it exists.

- Then you adjust your glasses.

- What do we think about this scene?

- I thought it was nice.

- Just a nice little appetizer.

One word: Finally.

- It was a bit, like,
yeah, let's just get to it.

Yeah, let's
just get down and dirty.

- Yeah.

- At this point.

- I was surprised that they
didn't have, that they didn't

fuck at this part.

- I know.
- Yeah.

- Have sex at this part.

- I did appreciate that
he went down on her.

- Oh I loved that.

- That was nice.

Isn't this also where we
start talking about his smell

and she talks about how he smells.

- That's a little bit
- Or is that earlier?

- Wait, is this chapter seven?

- Yes.
- They talk about that

in chapter seven.
I did make a note when,

the moment I knew this

was definitely written by a
woman, was when she described

him as smelling like melted
sugar and something else.

- And like soap.
- And I was like, oh, spices.

- Yeah, it's spices.

- I was like, "Hmmm."

- Like a nice spicy creme brulee.

- Yeah, yums.

Spicy wet sugar or something.

- He does it at the end of this as well

sing to her in Danish.

Could you imagine being in a giant bed

and a man three times the
size of you, tucks you in,

eats you out and sings Danish to you?

Are you saying

that's in good way?
- Yeah, I've been to

an Ikea Jess.

Yeah, I can

imagine it.
- That's why they stopped

letting people sleep over night there.

- Now imagine all that
plus a fuzzy blanket.

Yeah, oh my
God, coming for days.

- So that happens, there's supposed to go

on their big mission.

So there's different places
where the diplomats can go.

They can go to this awesome
place that they describe

in detail with dragons, that
everybody wants to go to.

Or there's potato land.

Which is his favorite part of
town, where people just farm.

Guess where we go?

We go up to potato land.
- The farm.

- Gotta get that farmin' in.

To the "Artisan
Flats" it's called.

- He dips out and he
ignores her for a bit.

- Yeah, five days.
- The Artisan Flats,

did you remember the name of it?

- Yeah, they say it like 15 times.

- Okay, Andrew, I didn't
remember either at all.

- This is what

I'm talking about.
- They say it so many times.

- You love this book.

- It was so weird, I thought it was just

such a strange name, I was
like, "Why is it called

"the Artisan Flats?"

I thought they would explain.

- Because the potatoes are artisanal.

Ohhhh.

- This is artisanal space potato.

They just call it potato.

- I guess I was too
distracted by how horny

the book made me.

- Did you like that
they have unicorns that

run people around but they're
called "pink donkeys"?

- They're called donkeys.

- Yeah.

I thought that was funny.

- It's cute.
- It's so weird.

- I thought just call 'em unicorns.

If you want there to be
unicorns, just fucking say

that there's unicorns.

- It's a joke because vikings
wouldn't call unicorns,

cause they're tough.
- How do you know?

Why wouldn't they call-

- They were called pink
donkeys 'cause they're strong.

Yeah.

Boys call them

pink donkeys.
- Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot.

- Boys call them pink donkeys,
girls call them unicorns.

- That comes up a lot too.

The thing of him, I think she likes it,

like she calls him sweet at one point.

And he's like, "Don't call
me sweet, I'm not sweet."

- Yeah.

- But she gets a real kick
out of it, I feel like.

Or the author-

- They tease each other.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, they do have
weird gender role-type-

- Yeah, I don't like that
there's never mention

of homosexuality on this plant.

It's like a man is with
a woman and like, yeah.

- Even in all the group
sex that this planet has.

- Yeah, yeah.

All the oils that the women
were rubbing on each other,

was just for the men.

- Yes.

- I mean, if two big viking
women were going at it,

I would just love that.

- Yeah.
- And they were just

doing it for the love of wanting to do it.

- Yeah.
- Right.

- That would've been magic.

- That is a Vikings Peace.

- Now that is a viking's peace.

P-I-E-C-E.

She goes early, Reinn dips out.

She wakes up, he's not there.

She's kinda pissed off, what happened?

She goes to go on her mission, she thinks

they're going together.

He's not there.

She's pissed off again.

She goes to artisan potato land.

- And she picks vegetables.

- And she picks vegetables
and wears viking clothes.

He shows up late because he
had a meeting with his dad

where the surveillance footage
from the night of the party

shows that they kissed.

- Yeah

- And we think this is going
to be where we start to

escalate plot-wise but the
dad doesn't seem to care.

It's not a big deal.

- Yeah, no.

- And then he goes to potato land.

- There's no down side
for Reinn in this at all.

- Yeah.

- There's a whole thing
like, their relationship is

it's taboo and it's forbidden.

But not for him.

- Yeah.

- Like the worst thing
that'll happen to him

is somebody ribs him a little about it.

Which happens, he's like, his
dad gives him a little shit

but then he doesn't care.

- Yeah.
- Right.

- There's no, and he's divorced anyway.

There's no drawback whatsoever.

- And it's not even that

- For him.
- he wouldn't be king.

And he doesn't wanna be king.

- Yeah.

- Sort of like she doesn't
really give a shit about her job.

- Yeah.

- That's the only stake for
her is that, it's frowned upon

at her job that she could
take or leave anyway.

- And in the beginning
she was all about her job,

which I was a little bummed
about towards the end part

where it seem
- That she just

gives up on it, yeah.
- Yeah.

- You can have both.

Why can't you have a viking husband and

still be a diplomat?
- Even in space

women can't have it all.

- Yeah.

- But she still could have.

- No Raph.
- 'Cause even her boss.

- The forces were too strong.

- Even her boss, like you
said, it was just frowned upon.

So he scolded her a little
bit but then that was it.

And then he went to the guy,
he went to Reinn and was like,

"You better not hurt her, I'll
bang your kneecaps together."

- He shows up and he's all mad that she's

fucking this viking but then she's like,

"But wait, it's serious."

And he's like, "Oh, sorry."

Right, yeah.

He immediately recoils.

- Oh, okay.

- Oh well that's fine then.

- Well they meet up and
they, it's more and more

back and forth, back and forth.

Even though they've already fingered.

We don't need this anymore.

- Yeah.

- They finally get to it.

They're kind of overcome with
passions on the staircase

of this house that she's staying
at when he gets into town.

And instead of just really
giving it to her there,

they have to stop again
and then he picks her up

and brings her to the bed, made for sex,

which is described as a
four post bed with curtains

like Ebeneezer Scrooge's.

That's not a bed I wanna have sex in.

It sounds dusty as hell.

And my allergies are so bad.

- Yes.

- Curtains on a bed?

That's where you sleep.

It's too much.

- Well but the curtains
keep the light out.

- I don't like that.
- So it's completely dark.

- And the mosquitoes.
- I don't like that.

- Because then you wake up in the morning,

you already feel

like a zombie.
- I know, I know.

And you already feel like a
zombie 'cause you probably

up late having sex or whatever."

- Right on your bed that was built for it.

- My bed that was built for sex.

- Oh, this is the bed built for sex.

This is the one for sleeping.

And this
is the one for eating.

- And this one is just right.

This is the one for sighing.

- Yeah.

- This is the one for fainting.

- At one point she does
describe having zero trouble

producing enough saliva
when they were having sex,

which I thought was gross.

Has anyone had trouble producing it?

- I guess if you have a medical condition.

Or if you're

really high.
- She's just trying

to alert the reader that she's not ill.

- And I'm functioning at 100%.

- Like Zoe York's friends
make fun of her for not being,

for not being able to
produce enough saliva.

- Oh my God Zoe, how much
Saliva were you producing

at that moment?

- One guy was like, "Oh
God, you should've said

"it wasn't enough saliva."

- Oh, your mouth's just
so dry and scratchy.

It's like fucking 60 grit sandpaper.

- Maybe this also speaks

to the dryness of the planet,

yet again.
- With people, that's right.

- Yeah.
- Yet again.

- Is the planet described as being dry?

- I don't think so.

- No, but.

- There's clothes,
there's context clothes.

- We're getting a little
Sherlock, come on.

Oils, galore.

- So these guys get to it.

When she orgasms, she does say,

"I do love you, you crazy viking."

Which I also thought was funny.

- You would never, that is like

computer generated orgasm nonsense.

- Yeah, it doesn't sound
like something that would

flow naturally out of your mouth.

- Wow, I loved this time together, sir.

As you're coming.

- Yeah, did we like the sex scene?

- I thought it was fine.

Obviously we've been making fun of it.

There was the strange
descriptions of the organs

that are used during sexual intercourse.

- You mean the piano organ.

Da da da

- I would call this sex scene forgettable.

It was fine but it was forgettable.

- I'll remember it forever
but maybe because I don't

usually read books like this.

And I was reading this one the bus.

- It is all very forgettable.

I'm having trouble even remembering.

They seem like a perfectly nice couple,

I'm glad they're together.

- Yeah.

- But everything's kind of
- But it was weird stuff

like the neck.

- His big neck?

- Yeah.

- Didn't she fall asleep into his neck.

- Yeah, his large neck made
her want to see him naked.

Because his neck was also naked.

- Because if the neck's big.

- Yeah, you got a big neck-

- And this goes back to
my Kronk philosophy of,

I think he's Kronk.

- But Kronk's tiny at the bottom.

- True.

- Like John Cena.
- Well his leg's tiny legs.

- Tiny legs.

- John Cena is smaller than you think.

John Cena is my size.

- He's 5'3".
- I'm not gonna

get into this again.

- And he weighs 113 lbs.
- Pre podcast we thought

about John Cena.

- And how big he is, or small.

One thing I did appreciate,
I think it's the sex scene.

She talk about circling her clit.

And that felt realistic to me.

- Yeah.

- That felt like, oh, a
woman wrote this, okay.

Penetrated sex is, ya know,
doesn't do it for everybody,

or most people.
- I think my issue overall,

yeah, exactly.

But I think my issue overall was

I guess it's too much romance.

If you're someone who
likes romance, it's good.

And I liked the romance in the beginning.

But then it becomes so
much at this point about

proposals and will we
get married and won't

and declarations of love.

And I would've liked it so
much better if it just like,

I went to Midgard and I
fucked this awesome dude,

who was great.

I went to Venice and I
had sex with this guy

and it's such a wonderful
memory that I have.

We just had a little fling
and then it was done.

- Well maybe that's

what this is setting up.
- And it was perfect.

- 'Cause I didn't realize that
this was part of a trilogy.

So maybe this is setting,
maybe first comes love-

- This is the Fellowship of the Ring.

- Yeah, then they have
to take the ring too.

That's why they bring up the
dragons 'cause we're gonna

see them later.
- That's why all of this is-

- Probably with the eagles at the end.

Just plucks them out of bed.

Yeah, I just wasn't in love
with all the romance I guess.

- I think romance in erotica
is hard because, when I watch

a TV show, like a Riverdale, I
am invested in the characters

and that's why the romance
is really titillating to me.

Whereas with this, with erotica,
especially short erotica,

you can't really be
invested enough to be like,

"Oh my God, he got her flowers?"

- Right.

- You're kinda like, can you just fuck?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We all know we're here for.

- She got him a comb.

- Yeah, sorry, a comb.

- That's right.

I forgot that part.

- Which is a traditional viking gift.

- Yes.
- Definitely.

- So after they have been at this house

and doing it for awhile,
she goes to the market

and buys him a comb
that, in viking culture,

as Andrew of course knows.

- Yeah.

- Is a big symbol of love.

What would someone have to
give you to be the equivalent?

- Oh yeah.

- What?

Oh, a comb.

- Of a comb.

- A comb with pictures
of things I like on it.

- Oh cool, so like race cars.

- Yeah, like race cars, other combs.

- Raph, what would
someone have to give you

that's the equivalent of a viking comb?

Is it also a comb?

- Well I need to get my muffler fixed.

- In my culture, getting
someone's muffler fixed.

- Are we ready for that?

- I mean that's a huge step.

- Yeah.

- How 'bout you?

- God that would be the
equivalent of a viking comb.

Maybe like a gift card to somewhere.

A Best Buy gift card.

- That would be really nice.

- Rekha, at Secret Santa, I'm sure you've

gotten gift cares before.

And she's in love

with those coworkers.
- Raph, you gave me

the gift card last year.

- Oh no, yeah, that's right!

- Oh my God!

I didn't even realize.

- Oh my God.
- But you still

haven't used it.
- I have it.

- Well that's the will-they-or-won't-they.

- What about you Jessica?

- Dark chocolate covered pretzels.

- Oh my God, Jess, they
have those at Crafty.

- Ahhhh!

You guys love Jess!

- That's why I love
coming to work so much.

I feel so loved.

- Why not a blanket?

- I already have a
blanket, I don't need two.

- Oh got it, right, right, right.

- Raph, think before you speak.

- How extravagant do you think my life is?

- If you had a second fuzzy
blanket, the orgasm would be

far too intense.

- And I would explode.

- You might throw the second
moon of Midgard out of balance.

Causing us all
to become way too light.

Or heavy, we don't know.

- We don't know.

- You guys don't think that, when you see

two moons in movies,
because in Interstellar,

the moon is very close.

This is what it is, in
Interstellar the moon is very close

to the planet and it
makes the wave go very big

and very slow.

And is it Anne Hathaway?

Someone lives a very
long time by themselves

on the ship.

- Doesn't Mark Whal- no.

Matt Damon.

Matthew
McConaughey is in the movie.

Matt Damon is also in the movie.

- Yeah he's the guy who
was on the planet forever.

This is a different planet.

- We're getting confirmation
that Jess is right.

- I am right.

- We have our Interstellar

expert here.
- Raph, you're wrong.

- Wait what are we talking about?

- Raph, you're wrong.

The Martian.

- No Matt Damon
- No Matt Damon

- is in Interstellar as well.
- Was in Interstellar,

he was lost.

- It's Anne Hathaway, Matthew
McConaughey and then their

friend is in the ship.

They're only here for 10
minutes and then when they

go back to the ship,
he's aged like 30 years.

- Oh, I see what you, right,
- And he's like,

this is a different.
- "Where have you been?"

What a nightmare, that part
freaked me the fuck out.

- You were thinking of
the movie where Ice Cube

goes to Mars.

- What one is that?

- I forget.

Ghosts of Mars or something.

- Is this for real?

- Yeah there's a movie
were Ice Cube goes to Mars

and he has guns.

- Where's our Ice Cube expert?

- We have a confirmation.
- Yay!

- Ice Cube goes to Mars with guns.

- Why?

- What?

- Why?

Why does Ice Cube?

- I didn't see it.

- How do you know?

- I remember the trailer.

- Why does he go to Mars?

With guns.

- To shoot ghosts.

- Ghosts?

- Well they're martian ghosts.

The moon is closer so you
can shoot 'em with guns.

- There's a movie with Ice-T
where he goes to an island

to hunt a homeless person.

- What?
- You guys know

about that movie?
- No.

- You don't have to go
to an island to do that.

- Oh my God.

- There's a huge homeless problem.

- Oh my fucking God.

- Moving on.

- Moving on, back to Midgard.

- Oh, another thing I
appreciated about the sex scene.

She said, "I need to have a
quick wash up afterwards."

And that felt nice.
- Yes, yeah.

- And I was like, "Maybe
she's gonna pee or maybe she's

"just gonna like wipe her hands
and her thighs and stuff."

- Yes, this brings up
the whole thing about,

"Oh we're gonna have sex
all day and all night

"and then all into the next day."

When are you gonna eat?
- Too much.

- How are you gonna have
the strength for this?

And then, yeah, when
are you gonna wash up.

When are you gonna drink water?

When are you gonna hydrate?

When are you gonna wash your sheets?

Or are you just doing this
- Wash the sheets?

- on places not built for sex?

Did you just buy this bed for nothing?

So you're gonna have sex
on the floor that was not

built specifically for the
sex that you're supposed

to be having?
- Maybe that's why

they didn't have sex in the staircase.

Because he's like, "These
steps were built for walking,

"not for sex."

The stairs will
explode if we have sex on them.

The stairs will explode.

It's space, ya know?

- Wait, I forgot, off of
the bedroom, there's a

hot springs hot tub, which I just love.

- Yeah, that is like-

- Wouldn't that be wonderful?

- That's where you wash up.

- No.

- That's where you wash up for the sex.

- You can't wash in that.

- Sure, hot tub kills everything.

- No.
- Go bacteria.

- Name one person who's
ever gotten an infection

from a hot tub.

- I got hot tub rash from a hot tub

in Big Bear.
- Hot tub rash?

- You know this.

- I know all about it.

- It was all over my body.

It was terrible.

Please, for the love of
God, if you learn nothing,

do not wash yourself in a hot tub.

- Wait, did you wash yourself in it?

- No!

I sat in it!

- Sat in it, soaped myself up
and put shampoo in my hair.

- No, but you just don't
put any chemicals in it

that don't belong.

- Is it the chemicals?
- Just wash immediately after.

- It was, I think it was a dirty hot tub.

- Ew.
- Please practice

hot tub safety.
- It was at an Air B&B.

- All of us did.

Nine people went into that
hot tub, eight came out

with hot tub rash.

- Could the person who
did it, get it have-

- Maybe.

- I wasn't there.
- Think you need a rash.

- I think it was Raph.

- It was probably Raph.

- Hot tub Raph.
- Raph, what did you do

in my hot tub?

So they go to the hot
tub, he fucks her mouth

with his tongue.

Which I thought was disgusting.

- I don't like that either.
- That's not a nice kiss.

- Tongue stuff, I don't know.

I have a hard time getting
a good description of that

in the book.
- And as they're

in the hot tub, she realizes that she

doesn't wanna have her job.

She wants to get married
and this was the journey

that she wanted all along.

Was to grind in a hot tub on this viking.

Then we have our epilogue.

Nine. Months. Later.

- So what do you think when
you hear nine months later?

Might happen.

- So I kinda flipped through it to see

how many chapters there were.

And I saw the epilogue, it
said "Nine months later."

And I rolled my eyes.

It's like, "Oh, they're
gonna have a baby."

- Yeah.

- And then they didn't.

- Correct.

- Nine months later and she's pregnant.

- She's pregnant.

- She just got pregnant.
- What a strange

amount of time to choose.

- Maybe it was meant to be fun.

But that's not a great pay off.

- They mention birth
control a lot or not a lot

but they did make a point
to mention that earlier.

- That is true.
- Did that have something

to do with it?

Does viking birth control
last for nine months?

- It's FedNat VUFU birth control.

She says something about like,
oh, they're about to fuck

and she's like, "It's fine,
it's fine, I just got my shot."

Or something like that.
- Yes, oh yes.

- And it'll wear off just
at the time when we need it

to wear off.

- Right.

- They don't talk about birth
control a lot in these books.

- Yeah.

- So that was nice.

Yeah.

- Did you boys like that section?

- Yeah it reminded me of all own fantasies

where I have to justify why
nobody's getting pregnant

in my own fantasies.

- Oh my God.

- Yeah, she's pregnant in the epilogue

and she's chopping vegetables.

- Yes.

- Which I was like-'

- Waiting for Reinn to
come back from the city.

They have friends over
and they make them leave.

So that then they can do it on a table.

- Yeah.

- And they're talking,
just still about resources

and what's a waste of money.

I guess now they have
paparrazi-ish people around them.

Because it's a bit scandalous
and she's with the king.

- But then Earth media is
going to hear about it later

this week or something?

They're just funny things
where I'm like, "Why are you

"teasing that?"

The book is over.
- Oh that's right,

he calls her work and is like,

"Could she get out of work
so we could be together?"

Without her knowing.

- Yeah.
- That's pretty fucked up.

- I don't like that, he's very possessive

in weird ways.
- Andrew would you ever

call College Humor and do that,

I will be so mad at you.

- I won't, I probably won't.
- Okay, good.

- Is that an accurate viking thing?

- Yeah.

- Like vikings call their
girlfriends out of work?

- Yeah, before vikings would go on a raid,

they would call up HR, of
all the women that they

were gonna steal from
your the raid and be like,

"Is it okay?"

- Is it okay?

They're gonna miss some work.

- "She's gonna miss all her
work for the rest of her life."

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I guess so.

- Okay.

- That was a weird detail.

- Speaking of weird detail,
the last thing I highlighted

from this book is her
commenting on Reinn and saying,

"His face is as placid
as that of his horse."

What?

- Placid?

As that as his horse?
- Yeah.

- So just like-

- Blank and stupid.

- Horses are scary.

- And my dead-eyed boyfriend.

- Yeah.

- I thought that was really funny.

- My big, stupid boyfriend.

Who was only smart enough to eat grass.

- Chew cud, eat grass, I feed
him little apples sometimes.

So dumb.

- It rained a bit and he got scared.

- You can't sneak up behind him.

- Don't make loud noises
around my boyfriend.

He'll kick you in the face.

- Oh my goodness.

Guys, that's the book.

That's A Viking's Peace.

- You know what?

For my first erotic book, not bad.

It was not bad.

- Yeah.
- It wasn't awful.

- We do have a rating system.

One is a drought

and four is slide off your chair.

So where do you fall?

Or no, five is slide off your chair.

- Yeah.

- Where do you fall within that?

And then give that number
maybe a little description.

- One is a drought?

- Is a drought.

- It'll be funny if Raph
comes in really hard

and it's like, "Five."

- Where are we at?

- I'll say, I'll put it at,
because I have not so much

else to compare it to,
I'll put it at a four.

- Wow.

- Wow, so that's like

a damp winter.

- I'm sufficiently wet.

- Yeah.

- I'm wet enough to get it done.

- Raph is like a dryer's
broken, clothes just got out

of the washing machine.

- I worked up just enough saliva-

- Yeah.

- He has no medical condition to speak of.

- Oh my God.

- I worked up plenty of saliva, dad.

I didn't have any trouble this time.

- Andrew?

- I guess I'd put it at a two.

Just a little bit of moisture.

- Yeah.

- Oh, okay.

- Like sand that has
some water spilled on.

- Yeah, if you

dig deep enough.
- Oh, like Magic Sand.

- Like Squand.

- Squand.
You're Squand.

- Yeah, I'm squand.

- Okay.

- Enough of a description.

Again, zero butt stuff in this book.

Big disappointment.

- Sure.

- I would've liked it a lot
more if it was switched around

and it was like big
controlling lady vikings.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- And some little nerdy dude.

- Yeah.
- Very small,

one third of the size man.

- Yeah.

- I would love that.

- Yeah, I would've liked that a lot more.

I was also,

I was concerned because it was like

big viking man, this small woman.

I was really concerned
that it was gonna get.

- Yeah.

- Just for the direction
it might've taken.

- Yeah.

- I was relieved that that didn't happen.

- Yeah.

- But then I was also
disappointed that there weren't

dominant ladies.

- It is a shame that dominant
women weren't in the book.

- Right.
- Yeah.

- She does take control at points.

There's certain terms that
are used over and over again.

Possessive, control,

cock.

Bottom

- Bottom

- He commands her to do stuff.
- Cock, bottom.

- I've hit cock, bottom.

- Like when you have the
worst sex of your life.

- Oh my God.

I'm a Giggle Queen today.

- Rekha, what are you gonna rate it?

- I think I'm gonna give it- ahhhh!

I think I'm gonna give it a two.

Because I think some
of the scenes were hot

but I have come to realize
from reading the books we have,

I am not into continuous sex scenes.

Like one after the other, after the other.

And I hate all that Game of Thrones shit.

So even the plot in between
was not great for me.

But the sex scenes were a little
fun and I appreciated them.

But I'm a little squandy about it.

- Yeah.

We need to find one again that
is like, multiple different

parties having sex that's
peppered throughout.

- Yeah.
I think it's nice.

- Yeah.

- I was into it, I'm gonna
give it a three and a half.

- Yeah, it's the first.

- Yeah, it was adjacent
enough to enough things

that I like.

Everything was consensual.

I got to visit Midgardian, the
world, which was wonderful.

What a nice little trip.

- Yeah.

- Free vacation for Jess.
- For a free vacation.

I would just love to be,
aspects of the books,

like I like the viking
sex party, in my mind,

the time that I get to spend
in those little moments

that maybe the book
didn't get enough into.

I thought it was a nice world.

Maybe not explored the way I would have.

But that's why I have my own imagination.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Way better than I
thought it was gonna be.

- I love hearing that.
- I thought it was gonna be

utter trash garbage.
- Yeah.

- Usually everybody's on the
same page but we are divided.

- We're pretty divided, yeah.

Raph loved it.

- Yeah.
- You pretty much loved it.

Andrew and I are like, "Meh."

- I kept having to remind myself that

it wasn't written necessarily to be good.

- Right yeah.

- To be a good story.
- I think it was,

that's where I think you're wrong.

I think this person-

- If she wrote it to be
good, she did a really

piss poor job.

'Cause it's not a good story.

- No, no, we're sorry.

- It's like, you were
saying you hate all that

Game of Thrones shit and the plot.

And so because of that, 'cause
you don't like that stuff,

you didn't like it.

- Yeah.

- But I do like that stuff
and that's also why I didn't

like the book.

The plot parts, the story
parts are so fucking boring.

- Yeah, now you know how
I feel when, this is like

my Lord of the Rings when I open it up.

- Look at the cover, she has
a bow and arrow on the cover.

Never mentioned at all.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, there's really no fighting.

- No, no fighting
- It's like,

how do you take vikings?
- 'Cause it's about peace.

It's a Viking's Peace.

How do the vikings live

in peace time?
- Damn.

Yeah but there's
never a state of war?

- Peace Andrew, peace.

- Because they're keeping the peace.

- This is not a slice of
life you get with this book,

you get the peace part, not the war.

- Oh, okay.

And if you have a problem with
that, that's your problem.

- That's your problem.

- I guess it is my problem.

- Yeah.

- Well what's wrong with
me that caused me to

not like this book?

- At least you get it.

Will you read the
description of the author?

You shared it with me earlier
and I absolutely loved it.

Yeah.

- It's about Zoe York.
- About the author.

Zoe York lives in London,
Ontario with her young family.

She's currently chugging
Americanos, wiping sticky fingers,

and dreaming of heroes
in and out of uniform.

- So we had the question
of like, are they her kids

sticky fingers,
- Sticky fingers?

are they her sticky fingers?

I think that's nice.

- Also, isn't that a thievery thing?

That's another way to
call somebody a thief?

- Yeah.

Sticky fingers?

- Whoo, what if she's a klepto?

Oh I would love that.

I'm wiping my sticky fingers

as a polite way to be like,

repenting for my theft, in prison.

- Zoe York has that sticky
glove like from Home Alone 2.

She just shoves it into change jars.

- Well the military thing is
interesting, 'cause there was

also an undercurrent of it
too that was a little bit

democrat, republican, military.

Did anybody else get that
vibe as they were reading it?

- I never thought that
Reinn was a Republican.

- Yeah.

- No, but I got the man in
uniform, like military vibe.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I feel like there was a lot of

that kind of stuff in there.

Politics, bureaucracy.

Are we wrappin' up?

- Well Reinn, thank you for your service.

- Yes, thank you.

Announce the next book.

- Oh yes, thank you for listening.

If you are reading along with
us, I know some of you are.

We had some people in the chat talking

about Phantom's Liaison.

They're love of Turtle.

They seem to like it so
much more than we did,

and I'm glad.

If you guys had different
opinions, feel free to tell us.

Also, our next book is
recommended by someone in our

discord channel, so it's a
great reason to subscribe

to Drop Out.

'Cause you get to be a
part of the book club.

It is from the cutiepatootieist,

we will be reading Wet for Nessie.

- Oh my God!

- Recommended by cutiepatootiest.

I don't remember the author's
name and it's a little hard

to find on Amazon.

I Google searched it and then it came up.

There's an attractive woman on the cover,

surrounded by greenery, we can post it

in the discord as well.

Again, that's Wet for
Nessie, thank you so much

cutiepatootie.

Yes, I read a little
bit of the description.

Three girls are on some type of vacation,

they go to Scotland, as
young girls do, to get wild.

And they have sex with
the Loch Ness Monster,

under the sea.
- They not only found her.

- Yes.

- They fucked her.

- And I cannot wait.

I'm very excited for this one.

- I am.

- I'm Scottish, so it's
gonna be very exciting for me

to get back to my roots.
- I'm not,

so I won't relate to this.

- And we're so excited for it.

Thank you so much for listening.

Yeah, have a great day.

Have a sexy day!

- Have a sexy day!

- Have a sexy day.

- Have a sexy day.

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