All language subtitles for E.B.C.S01E01.Bound by My Stepbrother [eng]

- That bass is nice.

- Ooh.

- Hello everyone and
welcome to Erotic Book Club,

one of CollegeHumor's new Vodcast series.

I am your host, Jessica
Ross, and my co host

Rekha Shankar.

- Thank you so much for being here!

The Erotic Book Club is
exactly what it sounds like.

It's a book club where
we read erotic novels.

Today, we have some wonderful
guests in our book club.

We have Miss Kat Palardy.

- Mm, hey.

- And Grant O'Brien.

- Mm, hello.

- Very sexy.

- So sexy.

Jesus.

- I'm sure you're wondering why
we're all so sexy and horny.

It's because this week we read
the Bound by Secrecy Series

by Kenzie Haven.

It is a free book on Amazon.

Anyone could get it.

Well, the first one's free.

It's one of three parts.

The first book is Bound By My Stepbrother.

The second, Topped By My Stepbrother,

and the third, Teased By My Stepbrother.

- That's not the only reason I'm horny.

- Why else are you horny?

- I don't know. That's just--

Grant, what happened today?

Grant?

- I mean, I don't need like a reason.

Is it all the
little crabs on your shirt?

- Yeah, I've got--

Listen, if you're a
subscriber, you're gonna see

a real killer sexy shirt that I have.

- Yeah.
- Bunch of crabs all over it.

I think crabs are sexy
and we can explore that

real deep if we want to.

They're red...

- No, honestly, this chair
is sort of like enveloping me

right now.

Yeah.

- It's sort of like giving me a big hug.

I think the chair is making me horny?

- For those of you just listening,

our chairs are very soft--

- And fluffy, sort of four
pronged little scoops.

They shaped like scoops!

Debate us.
- Basically, if you were

to relax, you would
completely fall asleep.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

I think they're somewhat vaginal.

- Yes.
- Yeah, there's a certain...

Yeah.

- This would be in a room

in one of our characters' mansions.

- Yes, let's introduce our characters.

In the first book,
Bound By My Stepbrother,

the series is about a woman named Ronnie.

She's 24.

She owns five antique shops.

Not much else is said about her

and she is going on a family reunion.

Her mother and stepfather
are bringing the whole family

to Cancun and there is her stepbrother

who she's bound, taught, and teased by,

as we learn, named Chris.

Yes.

- Yes.

And he is a billionaire.

- Yes, he is a tech billionaire.

That's so hot.

- Yeah.

- Is it?

- It depends.
- There's nothing

hotter than a libertarian
sociopath tech billionaire.

Oh my god, the hottest man
in the world, Elon Musk.

- Ew.

Ew.

- When I was reading it, I
think I mentioned this earlier,

but I couldn't get--

I'm watching a lot of Shark Tank lately,

so in my mind it was a young Mark Cuban,

which I wasn't--

- Oh, ew.

- I didn't enjoy it, but it
was just what was in my mind.

- They don't give you many details

about these characters in this book.

- I think in the way that
books try to make you feel

like you could be the main character,

but too much.

They left too much to the imagination.

I know nothing about either of them.

- I know what their
bodies look like kind of.

The only thing I know about Ronnie's body

is that she has curves
in all the right places.

Yes.

- I don't know what
color Ronnie's hair is.

- Yes.
- Really?

- Yeah.

- You know, I'll admit it.

I'm Kat, here.

I did not read this book.

- Oh, okay, yes.

- As in every book club, there's someone

who didn't read the book.

Today it is Kat.

- Yeah.
- Yes, so Kat,

for reference, Ronnie
mentions at one point.

The way she gets into what
her body looks like now

and saying she has curves
in all the right places

is prefacing it by saying
that she used to be

an awkward teen that was just developing

and masturbating to her stepbrother

and that was embarrassing.

Haven't we all?

- But now puberty hit, she's older,

all the curves have transferred themselves

to the right places.

- Okay.
- Yes, and while we're talking

about masturbating to her stepbrother,

at one point she was caught
by him in the shower.

Yes.

- We learn this early on in the book.

- And then he kept teasing
her for it for years.

I've seen your body before.

- That's so crazy!

- They're very creepy together.

They're really gross.

- I am curious before we
even get into the book.

How do people feel about
the stepbrother, stepsister

hot or not?

Were people excited when they heard

that this was the assignment?

- I find that making--

I had a suspicion.

Is the idea that they
are related by stephood,

is that going to be a conflict
that is necessary to the book

and the answer is no.

They didn't have to
be stepbrother and stepsister.

- Absolutely did not.

If it was like...

I'm not saying that it
should be a family affair,

but if it was purely the
only conflict in the book,

'cause there's a whole BDSM plotline

that could have just been the thing.

- That's the book.

- Well I think for me the book felt

like someone read 50 Shades of Gray

and went why weren't they related?

Yes, completely!

That was what was missing.

- 'Cause some parts of it are exactly

from the 50 Shades of Gray.

I don't know how familiar you
guys are with the franchise.

I took a road trip to Chicago once.

This is what kind of
got me into erotic books

and we listened to it on audio book

with a bunch of girlfriends
and in the beginning

I was like I hate this, this is so dumb,

and by the end of it, like six hours in,

everyone else was done with the book

and I was like we need to keep listening.

I need to know what happens
in these email exchanges.

Oh my god.

- There's a concept in,
I don't know, Psychology?

That I'm going to half
remember from some article.

But about kids that grow up together,

there's some block that you have

about being attracted to each other.

It's the reason people don't like grow up

and find themselves attracted
to their sister or something.

There's some like psychological concept

they seem to have missed.

They seem to just have
not have gotten that

'cause if they were living
together when they were 16,

they were young.

They were young kids when they met,

so even though they're
stepbrother and stepsister,

they grew up together.

Like it's a mess.

- They do mention often in the book

how they are related by blood and DNA--

Wait, they aren't, they are not.

- No, no, they're not related by blood.

They are not related by
blood, not related by DNA,

they make that very clear,

but they also--

he continuously calls her sis.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah, even after they've
been together multiple times,

it's like sis, it's time to go

and then it's like you two are nasty,

- you like this part of it.
- That's fucking wild.

- It's so unnecessary
and they even to refer

to their mom and dad and
stuff like that and like ugh.

- But see how nervous that
makes you even hearing sister?

Because it's naughty.

- But it's naughty in a way
that dries me like a desert.

- Well, we're different then, aren't we?

I don't wanna shame anybody.

If anyone thinks--

I mean, clearly there's
a whole genre of this

and there are hot

- stepbrother and stepsisters.
- I am the target

audience, I'll tell you that right now.

- Yes, we'll get into it and we'll see

if you'll like it or not.

Yes, yes.

- Because Cruel Intentions,

they're stepbrother and stepsister.

The familiar shit has--

- I think they're very hot.

- It's never done it for--

Even like the whole
daddy thing I don't get.

Like don't bring my dad into this shit.

Truly don't.

- I don't want it.

- What about in the Brady Bunch movie?

- And they, yes, oh god.

You didn't like it?

- I just, I don't need it.

There can be other conflicts.

- Yeah, that's fine.

- Like, okay, this book, the first book

of the trilogy, starts.

They're in Cancun and they're
on this family reunion

and they peel off.

Chris and Ronnie peel off into the woods

to go to a waterfall

and when they're at the waterfall,

there's a lot of sexual tension

and he takes off--

And at this point,
they've never had sex.

- They've never had sex or kissed.

- How old are they?
- They did have a bit

of a fling in the pool.

So they all get to Cancun,
the whole family's there

and she goes to the pool and
he's swimming in the pool

and he kind of teases her to come in

and they are very sexual with each other

right away in front
In front

of their family
- Of their whole family.

- I was imaging that whole time

what the family was
sitting, talking about.

It's like--

- I know! Somebody's just
like grilling a burger...

- Hey, what's going on
with Ronnie and Chris?

They are...

They're just roughhousin'

- Yeah, well they're 30
and 24, respectively.

I don't know if roughhousing is really

what they oughta be doin'.
- Yeah, boys will be boys,

- girls will be girls.
- What is my

billionaire son doing
right now in the pool?

- He seems to have pinned his stepsister

against the side of the
pool so that her body

is out of control and he is...

- He literally--

I have a excerpt from it.

"Chris moved to pin me
against the side of the pool.

"My feet couldn't touch the bottom

"and I couldn't kick to stay afloat.

"If he wasn't pressing against me,

I would sink to the floor"

and then Chris says, "Actually, I'd prefer

if I remove the bikini from you".

So there's no ambiguity.

It's not like ooh, flirty,
flirty, splashy, splashy.

I mean, they are pinned up.

I want you naked.

- What did Chris just say to her?

- The whole families are watching.

The family!

- You can get away with
more in a pool, though.

You can get away with more in a pool.

If that was in a living room,
it would be much weirder.

- Yes, granted, if he
pinned her against a wall

in a living room and said I can take

your bikini off for you.

- You can kinda get, you
know, under the splashes,

you can say things.

- Little secrets.

Now I'll say this.

- The water carries our secrets.

- I'll say this.

When I was, you know,
a closeted little guy

and like a freshman in high school,

going to the pool was
great because you can,

there are things about the pool

that it's like boy, what can
we get away with in here?

- I did have my first kiss with a girl

when I was in a pool.

We were both in the
tubie and she was like,

oh, if we don't like tell
anybody, and then we did

like a little smooch and I
was like wowie, wowie, wow.

- Yeah, so you're right.

- Wowie, wowie, wow is what you said?

- I think pools are a very sexy place.

- Yeah.

- For forbidden love.
- But if my entire family

were sitting around the edges of it

at our family reunion, which they said

were at least like 40 of them there.

That's not as hot.

- No.

- That's not hot at all.

- Do any of you have
stepbrothers or sisters?

- Thank god I don't.

- I just have a regular brother,

so this was totally unrelatable to me.

- I don't have any brothers
of any kind, thank god.

- Otherwise, this would have
been really dangerous for you.

- So that's the lead up to now.

- The waterfall.

- Yeah, the whole family
goes out on a hike.

They're all wearing matching shirts,

which I though was cute.

I want to be a part of a family like that.

- The other Marshalls seem fine.

- The other Marshalls are really cute.

They were like the Marshalls rule!

- Yeah, they wear t-shirts that say that.

- They're all going on a hike in Cancun,

I was like damn, this is fantasy I want.

Like a nice, perfect family.

- A nice vacation.

- Not one where like PopPop's
screaming out his window

at somebody crossing the
street in South Philly.

- Okay, so here's what
I had an issue with--

- Okay, you have to be your dad now.

- No, no.

- Here's the issue I had
with the waterfall scene.

I had to go back and
reread it to make sure

they hadn't left the waterfall
because they were having sex

in the water and I could not
believe they're having sex

in the water because all
your natural lubrication,

all of that is gone and they kept talking

about how fucking turned on they were.

And also, she's going to
get a yeast infection, 100%.

- The bacteria, yeah.

- Here's an excerpt from
the waterfall sex scene.

"With his free hand, he rubbed my back.

"I spread my legs in the water, desperate

"to get things underway.

"My pussy burned despite
the coolness of the waves

"lapping against me.

"Even if I wasn't half submerged,

"I knew I would be dripping wet.

"There was no way I'd need lube

"if Chris was the one I was playing with".

And I think that's false.

- I think that's especially
false in the water

because you're absolutely right.

Everything natural gets washed away

and water is a crappy lube.

- Yeah, it's terrible.

- Water doesn't work as a lube.

- It's terrible.

- Well, we haven't met Chris.

- Chris might have like
a water soluble dick.

- Chris might have a naturally slimy cock

that can go in and out.

- Yeah, he's got like
a billion dollar thing

around his waist that just squirts lube.

- Or like at a dentist's office

when they're squirting
the water in your mouth

and they dry it immediately
with the other thing

that he's got one of those for her.

- Now just to catch people up,

so they're on a family
hike and they split off

and find this waterfall and Chris says

let's skinny dip, of course.

- Yes.

- And they do that and right away.

And we're five pages into the book.

- There's no back story in this book.

- The book, though, is 30 pages.

The book is an essay.

The book is not a book.

It's a New Yorker piece.

- I read all three of
these books in one hour.

That is no time at all.

- This is where we
introduce the BDSM thing.

The waterfall, because he
ties her with the vines.

- Yeah.

- He's really into BDSM and
is very like cautious of like

I don't think you can handle me.

You aren't ready for me.

- Yeah, he has her skinny dip with them,

then he's like yeah, you
don't wanna be with me,

I'm kind of like a rebel boy attitude.

- I'm bad news.

I'm sort of a rebel tech guy.

- But it only makes her want it more

and then the vine part I did interesting.

I was like oh, well I didn't expect that.

- Can I talk for a minute
about the crappy BDSM

in all three of these books?

Yes.

- Does everyone know what BDSM stands for?

It's a thing I always
heard, but I looked it up.

- Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism.

- Um, actually it's burgers...

doughnuts...

Bondage, Discipline--

- Sandwiches and milkshakes.

- Dominance and Submission.

Oh wait, where's the M then?

No, that is incorrect.

Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism.

What did yours say?

- That's not even the right initials.

- What did you think it was?

- Bondage, Discipline,
Dominance, and Submission.

Okay.

- BDDS.

- Some letters are right.

- BDDS sounds like a degree.

- You can like DS
relationships is another term

for a certain kind of BDSM.
- You have to pay more

for the BDSM degree.

- Yes.

- Everyone can get a BDDS.

- Yeah, it's not that cool.

- But you're MD, PhD kind of
equivalent if you have a BDSM.

It's that Masochism.

- There is, for this whole series,

and we'll get into every book,

but just as a, I'll
register a complaint now,

weak ass BDSM the whole time.

- Yeah, especially the third one,

which we'll of course get to, but...

- His thing is I'm bad news.

I might hurt you, you
should be afraid of me.

And then he ties her
hands behind her back.

- Yeah.

- Ooh.

- Or takes out an ice cube

- from his mini fridge.
- Sticks it

in her vagina.

- I had an experience
with ice cubes, once.

I had one too.

- This guy who was a
bartender kept teasing me

of like wait 'til you see
what I do with an ice cube

to the point where I was like
okay, let's go on a date.

So we go on a
date and within a minute

of getting back to my place, he's like

do you have any ice cubes?

I was like here we go, this is his thing.

You like prepped
'em the night before.

And you were like
these are all whale shaped,

I'm sorry.

- I was like, well this
is why you're here.

Let's do it.

And honestly--
- I have a gel ice pack.

That's all that I can help.

- It was hot for about a second

and then it was just so much water.

- Yes.

Yup.

- Just all in my bed, all
over me. It was just wet!

- And then you have the
lube problem where it's just

straight up water.
- This is so wet.

- I have played with ice cubes before also

and somebody will put
ice cubes on my nipples

and it like oh, that's
cold, but then I go numb

and I'm like well I can't
feel what you do next.

Now I'm fucking numb.

- She has super nipples.

She really does.

- Her stepbrother works in tech.

- At one point she calls them nubs

that they get so hard that they're nubs.

She calls them nubs so much.

- She also refers to her vulva as

her sex.
- Her cunt.

And she calls it her cunt too.

- She keeps calling it like
he put his hand on my sex.

Ew.

- His balls lapped against sex.

She loves his balls.

She talks about balls so much.

- Wait, I have a balls question.

- Now I feel like we're
losing the thread of the plot

and I feel like it's important
that we make sure Kat knows.

Yes, you should know.

- I got distracted by those balls

'cause I am a fan of well.

The balls slapping?

- Yes.

- Okay, then you would love Chris.

His balls slap perfectly
against your vulva.

- She loves balls and her pussy is always

- pulsating.
- Engorged.

Her sex, you mean?

- Yeah, her sex is always engorged.

- Her sex is like a pager.
It's just like beep.

- I think balls are fine,
I wouldn't harp on them

quite as long as this woman does.

- I don't know about that.

I'm fine.

- You're a big balls fan?

- Balls'll work.

Balls work fine.

- Balls vote.

- Pro.
- Pro or anti ball?

- I'm pro ball.
- Con.

- Men are born with balls,
whether we vote on it or not.

- No, and it's true

and they're not going to
change that anytime soon.

We don't know,
we haven't voted yet.

- This is what happens
in every election, Kat.

You think your vote doesn't
matter but it really

does.
- It really does.

- Look at the recounts in Florida.

It's we've really gotta every vote.

- I just don't think they're so great.

They're not.

We should get more men neutered.

- Nah, they're pretty great.

I think they're just strange.

- No, you know what's nice.

I mean, how deep down
this rabbit hole we get.

Balls deep.

- You know what's nice about 'em

is that oh, great.

They're so reactive.

It's like keeping track
of what's going on.

It's like oh, no, he's about to nut.

He's got his balls are all tight.

- Oh, is that what happens?

I should pay more attention.

They get smaller when you're about to cum?

- They pull in towards your body.

- I think they get harder, right?

- They pull in towards your body.

Yeah, your scrotum gets harder.

- Wait a minute, they
pull in towards your body?

- Yeah.

- That sounds like a spaceship.

- I mean, sure, okay.

- What part of that is like a spaceship?

- No, you know, like I'm
imagining like when you deplane

a spaceship, you know, and goes back up?

- Every time.

- Yeah, they get tighter.

- Interesting.

- I'll take your word for it.

- Okay.

- I guess I'm not paying
close attention I guess.

- I recommend it.

It's great fun to watch.

Yet again, I'm so sorry.

I feel like we're--

- We're losing the thread.

- We're losing the thread.
- Okay, back on the thread.

So, they're caught, kind of.

They hear voices in the distance

so he's like let's keep it down,

but then they still go at it

and then they cum and
whenever she orgasms,

she gives you like five
different metaphors

for what it was, which I
thought was pretty crazy.

At one point, she said...

Where is it at?

They turn to ash, waves
of euphoria, broken apart,

bursting at the seams, and stars swam.

The stars swam, not swan.

BDDS?

- BDDS.

BDDS.

- Stars swam.

- The way that she describes orgasms.

It's like...

It's crazy.

- They're intense.

- I will say, though, I
feel like that's a staple

of erotic literature because, you know,

there's going to be a lot
of cumming in the books.

There's only so many
times you can say I came

before you went, you know.

I came, I came, I came.

- If someone's masturbating along,

it's like oh, oh, damn, they're finished.

I wasn't quite there.

It's like how if you're watching a porn,

it's like ah, shit, now I've got to find

a whole new clip 'cause
they got there too quick.

- They call out each other's names a lot

when they climax, too,
which I don't think I do.

- I don't do that.

- I don't do that enough.

I should do that more.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

- But you're setting
yourself up for I don't know.

Isn't that like the sitcom and
you yell out the wrong name?

Well, just don't do that.

- That is one of my biggest fears.

Know who you're having sex with.

- No.

That's fair.

- I just think it would
take a lot of thought.

Like oh baby, baby and like oh yeah is all

but like to go Kate.

Like I think that would be weird.

- Ooh, so that's your girlfriend.

Fiance.

- Oh, that's your fiance's name.

Okay, suddenly the secret's out.

Okay.

- Baby, baby.

- Getting back to the waterfall, though.

One more complaint about the BDSM

which he was fucking her
and said Imma tie you up

here behind this waterfall
so he grabs a random vine

from the side, which is dangerous

'cause you know he doesn't
know much about plants

- and it's also very dangerous.
- He's a tech guy.

- It's also very dangerous to
tie somebody up in the water.

Yes, she could drown.

- He doesn't know this body of water.

He doesn't know this vine.

He doesn't know her limits.

- Yeah.

- They've never had sex.

She didn't have
a safe word until book two.

Yeah.

And he's tied her hands behind her back.

- It's irresponsible.

It's terribly irresponsible.

- Yeah, but guess what?

Sky diving's dangerous too,

but it's the hottest thing, baby.

I mean, you gotta have a little danger

to have a little heat.

I agree with
that, I agree with that.

- You sign a form, I think you sign

a form to skydive, right?

- And when you're skydiving,
you've looked at the parachute.

You've consented.

You can sign a form,
but honey, if that thing

doesn't go off, ya dying.

It's true.

Splat, pancakes for breakfast.

Sizzle pop.

- Alright, so--

That is literally
how the book ends.

- These two make love.

- Yeah, they fall to their deaths.

- At the end of their
climax, it is revealed

that Chris has a secret
sex room in his mansion

so this is when we truly get
into 50 Shades territory.

Then the book just becomes 50 Shades.

He keeps calling
his house his mansion.

You can tell this writer's
never met anyone with money.

- That's how you know he
doesn't have a mansion.

We just call it a house, sorry.

- So the family reunion is over.

Nobody knows.

And now we're onto book two,
Taught By My Stepbrother.

It starts in his private jet.

His private jet picks her up

and brings her to the mansion.

- She has five antique stores,
but she's got some time off.

- What do they have for snacks on the jet?

- Champagne.

She does have champagne.

- No nuts?

And she thinks
she could get used to this.

- Yeah, she says I don't know

if I could ever fly coach again.

Yeah.

- Well, yeah, bitch, good luck.

- Bitch, you're gonna have to.

- He makes her a meal and
that's when she can tell

that the relationship
is taking a next step

because he used to only
make her toast sandwiches.

- Toast sandwiches are
the same as just toast.

This toast sandwich sucks.

You put nothing between.

- Ugh, I hate how low the bar is

for men and cooking in these books.

- But this time he make her a meal.

He made her an exquisite dinner.

- What?

- No idea.
- They didn't say.

- Couldn't begin to tell you.

There are no details.

- Toast Con Bleu.

- She said she's like so full.

- She was so full.
- She was so full.

And then they
went to go have sex!

They went to go fuck.

I hated that part.

- You know how you love to dig

into a nice, big eggplant
parm and then go fuck?

- And then go get fucked
in an S and M room.

- Yeah, when you're
tied, suspended in a bed

after you'd just eaten
a bunch of bolognese.

- Oh, I hated that.

That might have been my least
favorite part of the book

is that they ate a giant meal.

- But that's part of the torture,

that's part of the BDSM.

- Yes.

- Because she's so full.
- That would be good BDSM.

That's actually really, that's hot BDSM

where some feeder comes in.

- We're gonna eat ourselves silly

with breads and meats.

- I'm gonna stuff you so full.

- Yeah.

- Of eggplant parm.
- Turkey dinner.

- Then you get to like
Roman shower territory.

- What's that?

- Vomiting.

- What?

- Vomiting.

- Roman shower?

- That's right.

- Like vomit for sexual reasons?

- Yeah, that's when you vomit on someone.

- Is that what the Romans did?

That's not in this book, though.

- You give a Roman
shower like a vomitorium.

- I just learned the term
glass bottom boating today

and it's when you have a glass table

and your partner poops on the table

and you're underneath masturbating.

- That's also some training wheel shit.

Get that table outta there.

If you're gonna do it, do it.

- Whoa.

- That's not my thing, I'm not into it.

- What?

- But if you're gonna do it, do it.

- Also, how do you not
fall through the table?

- It's real risky.
- That's dangerous.

- That's real risky.

- It's strong.

- Oh, okay, okay.

- Can you imagine if the
glass table broke on you

and poop comes at you.

- Your mom comes home what
happened to my glass table?

- What happened to all my poop?

- And your mom will come home

because it is still a
stepbrother and stepsister.

Yes!

- Back to book two.

So the meal is done, they're very full,

it's time to go down
to the multiple rooms.

- Yes.

- Which is different than 50 Shades.

I believe he only has one.

This billionaire does have multiple.

Yeah, he has a whole sex suite.

- So that's what makes it--

- I do find that hot to have space.

- Yeah, that's hot.
- Sex rooms?

- Just space in your apartment.

- In your house.
- That's hot.

A sex room is hot.

I like that idea.
- Just extra rooms.

- Is it?
- In general.

Just having a little bit.

You know, some place to decorate.

- Just some space.

- When they get into the room, it's like--

Isn't this the one where at first

she's bent over the dresser or something?

Yes.

- Okay, because I have a quote from that

that I misread at first if that's

- okay to read.
- Please read.

- "As he bent over for the next drawer,

"my eyes popped out of my head
and I drooled over his ass".

I didn't understand.

I thought she drooled on his ass.

- I imagined that part as
like a Wiley Coyote thing like

- If you couldn't see
that, she did the symbol

of her tongue rolling down
- Tongue rolling down

Steam coming out of my ears

and my eyeballs popped real big.

- I noted that scene too.

Yes.

- To catch you up, you,
Kat, and you, the viewer,

or listener if you're a cheapskate,

he's taken her into this sex room

that he has a key padlock on.

Code's one, two, three, four.

- Whips on the walls, a four-poster bed

in the middle of the room.

Picture a sex room and you got it.

Not the most creative
sex room in the world.

- He also has like a
Ramsey Bolton like x thing

to tie her up.

- Yeah, he puts her on
a St. Andrew's cross

and she's all spread out and she's tied up

on this St. Andrew's cross.

That's, yeah, she's on an x, basically.

And then he goes to find what
turns out to be nipple clamps,

although she doesn't know it at the time.

But they made special point to note

that he had to rummage
through a couple of drawers,

which is so funny to me--

- Where the hell did I
put those nip clamps?

- That he's in there like--

- He's a guy that buys
- No, these

are the extra large,
so much on Amazon.

These are the large.

- When she's tied up,
she does describe herself

as a starfish,

- a sexy starfish.
- A sexy starfish.

Oh my god.

- Which, and I didn't
like that because anybody

with a solid sex toy collection

knows where their shit is.

Like I'm a messy dude, there's
stuff all over my apartment.

I know where every fucking sex toy.

I can get it with one hand if I need it.

That's a bit-- okay.

- What?
- I think that is true.

If you have a sex toy,
I know where it's at.

- Yeah, it's important,
like I know where it's at.

I wanna get at it.

- And he said that he's
had one lover before.

- Yeah, he's had one.
- Let's be clear.

This guy just bought all
this stuff on Amazon.

He's never used it before.

He just put it together like yesterday

like he doesn't use this stuff.

He's an amateur
and he seems like it.

- He's an amateur.

- He seems like an amateur
but not in a hot way.

- You know like when you're
trying to say you're a writer,

you're saying it a little too much.

Yeah. It's
like him saying I'm a dom.

I'm a dom.

- I have a mansion.

- Do you think he's air
bnbing this mansion?

I have a sex room
in my mansion, I don't know.

This is mine.

He's pathetic.

- So he gives her a carnal massage,

eyes popping out of her head.

Wait, wait, wait,
what's a carnal massage?

- It's like a massage but rough.

- I think he fingers her.
- It sounds unpleasant.

- Yeah it says that...

- One point she describes
it as sawed his cock

in and out of me.

I find some of the ways
that she describes things

to be unpleasant.
- Unpleasant.

- Sawed?

- Yeah!

Why would you write that?

All sawdust comin' out of your pussy.

No thank you.

- And one way that she expresses horniness

that I don't find to be
an appealing metaphor

is "my cunt needed to be filled".

- Yeah.

- It's just...

And it would only accept him.

That's what she says.

- Her words.

- It's the use of the word cunt

that bothers you.
- The night nurse tried

as well, but--
- I guess so.

That doesn't sound sexy to me.

- Yeah, cunt.
- Saying my cunt

needed to be filled.

Even if you said my pussy,

that sounds a little better to me.

- Yeah, cunt you really have
to have some juice behind it

if you're gonna use it in a sexy way.

You've got to be better at it than she is.

- Yeah.

- She's using it as a
control f find vagina

replace with cunt.

- 100% yeah.

Like it's a
I went

to the cunt doctor.
- degrading term

and there's room in sex
for that kind of play,

but do it if you're gonna do it.

- Totally, yes.

She uses it very casually.

- It feels like it would
be better coming from him

like you little cunt.

- Yeah, like be a dom.

- Yeah.

- That's the other thing 'cause
he never really did anything

all that dommy for a guy with
two sex rooms in his house.

In here in book two, he tied
her to St. Andrew's cross,

put nipple clamps on her,
which is what he found

in that drawer, and then they had sex.

- What he did do.

I mean, you guys, you strike me as a dom.

Thank you.

- What you, how would you dom?

- Hey, what about me and Rekha?

- I meant you too.

I don't know you well enough, Rekha,

but Jess is definitely a dom.
- I'm flex.

- 'Cause yeah, you could just do that

on a four-post bed.

I think he's wasted a lot of money.

I think he has money
and he's wasting money

Yes, yes.

- Is my overall thought about it.

Yes, it's like buying...

- So they have sex in there
and then it's revealed

that he also, within the many sex rooms

that he has, his most prized one

is the soundproof room.

Which she's
not allowed to see yet.

- Which she's not allowed to see yet.

- Because it's not done
because he's never used it.

He's never used it.

- It's under construction.

I would be so embarrassed if you saw it.

- He bought that soundproofing
is just on the floor.

- They have the soundproof room.

To me, the soundproof
room was kind of scary.

I would be like why do you have this?

- Yes, because he lives alone!
- No.

- In a mansion.
- So creepy.

- So why do you need-

'cause when the soundproof
room does happen, spoiler.

- Which is we're getting
into book three now.

That's when we get in the soundproof room.

- Yes, we are now in Teased.
- He says no one can hear you

and I'm like who could hear you before?

Nobody lives in this house.

- Yeah.

- I guess his help?

- He does have the staff,
which in book three,

she says they're not even onto us.

I'm like he calls you sister.

Who the fuck do you think
cleans the sex rooms?

They know, they know.
- These poor people.

- They should've involved
the staff in this.

That could've been fun.

- That's hot!

That's such a hot idea.

- I thought that too.

We needed more people.

- Oh, what a hot idea.

- When she said her pussy
would only accept him,

it's like are there
other people trying here?

- Yes, there's no stakes.

Yes, you have to accept him.

He's the only person there.

- He's the only option.

- Yeah, that's not hot.

Hottest kid at
summer camp kind of syndrome.

- Hottest kid at home.

He was the stepbrother.

- Yeah.

I mean, they know each
other, so she probably

doesn't think she's gonna be murdered,

but if a billionaire
took me to his mansion

on a private jet and said it's time to go

in my soundproof room,
I'd be like I'm dead.

- This is the end of me.
- I'm dead.

- Can we talk about the
soundproof room now?

- Yes.
- Yes we may.

Do we want to talk about
the airplane first?

- Oh right, right, right,

The first scene on the--

- The first scene of book three.

- Yes, we are back on the jet

with my boyfriend, my lover,
my dom, my stepbrother Chris.

Her description.

- Yes.

- And she's flying there.

She thinks it's the same as the last time

only this time Chris is on the plane.

- Boom!

Chris on a plane.

He comes out of a room she never noticed,

which is a sex room on the plane.

Well, it's a bedroom.

- Yes.

- Yeah, he has a bedroom
on his private jet,

which I thought was a bummer.

Then we should be in a bedroom.

Do it in the seat!

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- It'd be like I have
a mansion on the jet.

Why?

We're on a jet.

You could've started
this book in the house.

- You should be flying the plane

and fingering me is what
I think would be exciting.

- We should be crashing.

About to crash but I say hey
baby, just one last thrust.

Please, I'm so close.

- Do one of those zero g things

where you go up real high
and they fuck in that.

- Yes!

- That would be hot.
- That'd be hot.

- That is how you use a private jet.

- And then you get to do the Roman shower.

- Yeah, oh, it's just everywhere.

- No, nobody gets to do that to me.

- Yes, yes, yes.

- There's a porno where they do that.

- I got chills.

- Then you'd love this porno.

There's a porno where that happens.

- Wow!

One of my favorite parts of the book was,

pretty much one of my only
favorite parts of the book,

was the scene where
they were both hooked in

and they were kind of
like squirming around,

wantin' to fuck each other,

which is why I was so
bummed that then they went

to the private jet's bedroom.

- Yes.
- 100%.

- 'Cause I was like
let's do this right here.

Let's make this work.

- Yes, because he asked
her not to wear underwear

so some of the dom things, quote on quote,

that he's doing are
kind of just like rules

he's like don't wear
panties, wear a short skirt.

Only cum when I tell you to kind of thing.

- So basic.

- Be on the knees waiting for me.

Yes, get into sub pose.

- She always has take off his underwear

and she's very careful
not to touch his boner.

- Oh my god, she's like I had

to delicately move the
elastic, lest it break.

- I can't touch his boner.

- It would be so funny to me
like I took his underwear off.

I didn't touch his boner

'cause honestly I think
it's kind of gross.

- I have this weird memory
of being on a plane.

I've never really hooked up on a plane

but I just have a really weird memory

of giving this kid a massage-- not kid.

No, we were about the same age.

He was probably a couple
years younger than me.

At least 21.

But like I just remember
we just gave each other

back massages.

It was a total stranger on an airplane.

That's so hot.

- And it was kinda hot.
- Oh, that's so hot.

- There was definitely
a lot of sexual tension,

but nothing ever happened.
- Yeah.

- First class?

- Oh coach, honey, all the way.

- Near the toilet.

- I did a fingering on a bus once.

What?

- On the train from New
York back to Philly.

Yeah.

- With Amtrak?

- Jersey Transit.

- I did a fingering.
- In the quiet car?

Were you in the quiet car
I did fingering

- So you had to be really quiet?

- That's hot.

- I don't remember. I
mean, we had to be quiet.

There were other people.

- Sh, babe, there's people sleeping.

- We have to be quiet
because it's the quiet car,

not because we're fingering each other.

Oh my goodness.

- If you're in the not quiet car,

you could just be like oh yeah, uh.

Oh fuck.

Oh, we're almost in Newark, hurry up.

- Oh my god, Elizabeth.

- If you were on a mansion train?

That's right.

- Yeah, you go on the train

and there's a mansion in the back.

- You go to the quiet
room of the mansion train

and no one can hear you.

- So they do it in the bedroom
and it's pretty regular sex.

- Just in the air.
- Yes.

Yes.
- But she likes it.

She likes the mile high club.

- Yes.
- 'Kay.

- And now we get back to the mansion.

All the staff's there, wavin' hello.

He's callin' her sis.

It's like Annie.

- I'd love a scene that
he comes out just waving.

We've never had a little girl

We've never had a little girl

We've never had a little girl

- That's kinda how I
imagined it in my head.

And then she's just like
I want the soundproof room

and he's like alright,
Imma give give it to you.

If you're ready, yeah.

- If you're ready for the soundproof room.

- You can always leave
'cause I'm bad news.

- Yes.
- Oh, truly.

This guy.

- He is such a jerk off.

He's just not sexy at all.

- I wanna speak to this.

So what I've heard is when
you go to Silicon Valley

now as a woman, it's actually
like there's way more men

than women and all these
men have so much money

but no love and I think
he's one of those guys

where it's like, you
know, just a good thing

to know as a woman if you go
to Silicon Valley right now.

I think there's like a lot of guys

with a lot of money who need to spend it

but don't have a lot of experience

because there's no one to date.

- And that's why you might have

to start dipping into your family pool

if you're at that point.

- Rich people are so fucked.

I don't date rich people.

They're fucked up.

- Yeah.

- They have no interpersonal skills.

They have money and that is truly it.

- Yeah.

- Don't date them.

Don't fuck them.

- And don't fuck them.

Okay.

- Eat the rich.

This country's so fucked.
- So he takes her down.

He does another padlock
on the soundproof room.

It's got it's own panel.

No one can get in there.

And she opens it up and
there's like candles

and an armoire and a
bed and in the armoire

is a mini fridge.

Which sounds like a dorm.

- Yeah, it's basically
like kind of a sexy dorm.

- He's got these string
lights on the walls.

- Easy Mac.
- And he taped a poster

of Red Hot Chili Peppers to the wall.

The sexiest, spiciest.

- And no one from the staff can come in.

- 'Cause the staff is so eager

to go in there and see them fuck.

Okay, we've got to soundproof this room

'cause the maids can't
wait to hear me cum.

- It should be clear this
room smells like shit.

Nobody's ever cleaned it.

- So he lights the candles.

She's in the bed.

- Yeah.

- He gives her leather cuffs on the bed

and then this is when
the ice cube scene comes.

- Yes.

- He takes out an ice
cube, rubs it all over her.

- Good thing it was soundproofed to hear

that crazy sex of here's an ice cube.

- Oh my god.
- The sizzle

with the ice cube.

- It's soundproofed so people can't hear

how disappointed she is.

- She goes really?

And he's like keep cool.

- He does put the ice cube inside her,

which I think does maybe solve
some of the moisture issues

we were talking about earlier.

I think it makes it worse

- 'cause it's water.
- It's water.

It's like how if you
keep washing your face,

it's not like your face
is going to be moist.

It's gonna dry out.

Yeah.

But I mean that the
ice cube gets wet all over.

It's kinda like boop, got rid of it.

Plus it's numbness.

He's numbing, don't numb everything.

- Well, he fucks her hard
so I think she needs it

'cause all I've heard is
how he's just pounding her.

I imagine it's like that
bad sex where someone's like

uh, uh, uh, uh the whole
time and you're like oh god.

Yeah.

- He really is just a college dude.

Yeah.

- Does ice help numbing
the pussy for extended sex?

- I don't know, I don't have a vagina,

but when I've played with ice with myself,

I haven't enjoyed it 'cause
then I want the sensations.

Oh, okay, yeah.

- My nipples are also very sensitive

so I don't like any kind of extra thing.

- Oh my god, all the biting
and shit she's talking about?

Like ow.

- Bitch ow.
- Yeah, hers are like

beef jerky.
- Yeah.

- He's really on those things.

She's got real like
sort of binky kind of nipples.

- This is the first blow
job of the whole book.

- Ooh.

- It takes 'til book three
to get to the blowjob

- and eating out.
- Good on her.

Oh, eating out too.

- And I don't know.

I guess it was just so formal an event

like parting the curtain
and now the blow job part.

"I continued to massage his balls

"while I gripped the base of his shaft.

"I held on tightly, making sure to give

"the best head I could.

"It was satisfying pleasing him like this.

"My pussy never failed to get soaked

"from doing it to him".

- And then he says that's enough,

which makes me think
maybe it wasn't that good.

- He said something.

"I want to come in you and nowhere else"

or something like that.

- A big baby.
- Oh, okay.

Is she on the pill?

They don't talk
about condoms in this either.

- Never.

- So if she gets pregnant
with her stepbrother's baby.

- That child will look normal
because they are not bound

by DNA but--

- But that child will be bad at sex.

- But it will only have
one pair of grandparents.

- I loved this description in this scene.

"The tip of his cock at
the entrance of my pussy.

"It waited a few moments
before peeking inside climax.

"I drove right off the
edge and went soaring

"through the clouds,
shattered me, fracturing

"every inch of me like
I was made of glass".

I just like thinking of his little penis

like peeking through.

- Kind of peeking in.
- Peek a boo.

- Like seeing if the coast is
clear to cause some mischief.

- Yeah.

- Like a little Dennis the Menace?

- Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun!

- I did also genuinely love the phrase

one time when he pinched her nipples,

she felt "currents of electric lust".

- Yeah.

- Electric lust is pretty hot.

I would name like my band that.

- Wait, that sounds like a sound lyric.

Dun Dun Dun Electric lust

- That's Electric Feel by MGMT.

Yeah, that's what they're singing.

- They could work in some electric play

and then they're actually
talking about some,

I swear to God, BDSM.

- Electrocuting one another?

- Yeah, you get a tens
kit that you start using.

You use one of those hooks
that goes into your urethra.

Do some god damn BDSM!

Or don't but don't talk such a big game

like you're so good at this.

- Yeah.

- Everyone should have the sex they want.

You don't have to do BDSM stuff

but don't come at me like
you're gonna be great at it

and then not be great at it.

- Yeah.

- This is sort of a
structural note for the piece.

They have a lot of sex in a way

I actually find incredibly unsexy.

They have no refractory period whatsoever

and it's almost like
okay, even if this scene

is steamy, I'm coming
down and you're going back

to have sex immediately
'cause she's insatiable.

So is he, it seems, but I only
hear from her vantage point,

but she cannot wait to be fucked again

after being fucked.

- Yeah, if I'm him, I'm like
hey, let's just watch the news

or something for half an hour.

No, slap my sex.

- Do you wanna run back up to the kitchen?

I think I have some leftover pie

from that big meal I made you.

We could--

- Yeah, stuff it inside
of me and let's go.

- You know, I really, I just need a second

'cause I'm 30 and stuff slows
down, so we could just...

- Yeah, enter me now!

You have permission.

- You know, I have some sex
toys over here, I'm assuming.

- Yeah, throw them at me.

I love it.

Throw them at me!

- And so what I was going to say.

The connective tissue of plot,

'cause there's only like
one page of backstory

in the very beginning of this book trilogy

and then never again and that,

not even just as like
a you don't have story

but just like to come
down from a sexy scene,

it's hard for me to go--

I'm like oh my god, page after page.

Yeah.

- Well, the thing is too,

when I picked Bound By My Stepbrother,

a, it just sounded a little funny,

but b, I thought it was going to be more

like sneaking around stuff.

Like if they had stayed
at the family reunion

the whole time
- That's way sexier.

Way sexier.
- And they have

sneak and kind of little
hi jinx that happen.

I think that's fun and sexy
and a good time to have.

But then I just feel like this
whole billionaire plot line

really killed the mood for me.

- They're alone in his private mansion.

No one will catch them that isn't paid

to shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

- I mean, I think this
is sad on two levels.

It's sad that it's not as good of a book

as it could be but it's
also like this author

is not having good sex probably.

Can I say did you
read the special thanks?

- You know, to be writing a book.

No, please do.

- The special thanks, the about the author

will I think speak to Kat's point.

- Yeah.

Oh wait, I did read this.

- It's crazy.

"Kenzie is an amazingly talented writer.

"She's been writing fiction for years

"but this is the first time

"she's shown her naughty side in it.

"Be prepared to be seduced by some

"of the sexiest characters imaginable

"in each of her stories.

"There are three things you
need to know about Kenzie.

"One, her favorite color is purple.

"Two, she believes in unicorns.

"Three, she writes steamy fiction

"that makes your heart race".

And don't say this to make
fun of her necessarily,

but this does speak to me as someone who

is writing about something that is purely

like unicorns and dragons to her.

Like the world of BDSM.

- Like a Harry Potter, yes.
- Never had this.

- And for that it makes
me like it a bit more.

I'm glad she went out
there and she did it.

She's delving
into something, yes.

- I thought it was a man who
wrote it. Now it's a woman?

- It's a woman.

- Okay.

- But I do think...

This is like for someone
who's never done BDSM.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

A fantasy.

- Yeah.

Yeah, but a safe fantasy.

- Very, extremely safe.

So safe, so safe.

- Her safe word is cherry.

- Oh jeez.

What would
everyone's safe word be?

- I'd make mine...

You know, when I have sex
that needs a safe word,

there's the slow down
word, which is yellow,

and the safe word, which is red.

Yellow is sorta like hey, we'll slow down,

- we'll do something else.
- Oh, stoplights.

- Then red just stops the scene entirely.

I think it's useful to have both.

- Yellow and red seem pretty useful.

Everyone know what those--

Traffic lights.

- Traffic lights.

- And cherries are red so
it's a little creative.

- So perfect.

- Yeah, hers were bananas and cherries.

- I think mine would be
stop fucking me please.

- Please.

Please, for the love of god.

I'm not enjoying this.

Would you stop having
sex with me for a moment?

- That's enough.

Another thing that I found endearing

was at the end, there was a little recap

of they're lying in bed together

and they are truly in love

so this isn't like naughty taboo.

It's like she wants to
spend the rest of her life

with this man and she's like in here,

no one can judge us, no one can hurt us

and I was like oh, well that
is a pretty sweet sentiment.

- Yes, and the third book
ends with them saying

you know what, we're going
to come out to our families.

Yeah.

- Our family, sorry.

- Just the one, just the one.

- Just the one family.

- So now is the portion
where we rate the book.

One being a drought and five
being slip off my chair.

Kat, would you like to start us off?

You didn't hear it, so what
are some of your thoughts

on writings?
- Probably a one.

You know, it sounds like we
had fun talking about it,

but it sounds like there was yeah.

Just didn't go where it could've.

Yeah.

- I think I'll be two and a half

because she entertained me.

I was like laughing and I
was turning those pages,

those e-pages, but I do think
the frequency of the sex

was turn off for me and
there were certain things

that were precursors to sex

like eating a heavy meal, being in a lake,

that like totally turned me off.

I literally could not stop thinking

about her yeast infection
during the first one.

- Yeah, I think I would
give two and a half as well

because I did read the
whole thing and quickly

and it was like a fun little stupid read.

If you're someone who just
wants to get to the sex

in an erotic book and
maybe wants some light BDSM

or just some less regular sex,

it's a good book for you.

- Again, book is overstating it.

If this was typed in Word,
it would be like eight pages.

- It was maybe a mistake on my part.

I thought it was all one book

until I got to the end and I was like oh,

there's another book
but it's the same book

so it's a little confusing
in that regard too.

- I'm gonna give it a three.

Wow, out of five!

- Oh, out of five.

You thought it was out of ten?

- I thought it was out of ten.

Oh, okay, well then if it's out of five,

I'd give it a one and a half

because the vacation sounds nice

and the mansion I'm sure is probably

very pleasant to spend the night at.

Okay.

- Well thank you everyone for listening

or if you're watching on
Dropout, for watching with us.

If you are wanting to be
a part of our book club,

we would absolutely love that.

With your Dropout subscription,

there is a discord, which is a chat

where you can chat with us directly.

You can leave comments
about what we did today,

suggestions for future books or concerns

for any of our wellbeing.

Feel free to write it all in there.

You can also read along with us.

We do have our next
erotic book picked out.

It's also on Amazon for free.

A quick read, so it won't
take up much of your time.

It is the Phantom's Liaison:
An Erotic Ghost Story

and it's book one, so
please don't read book two

because you'll be ahead of us.

- You'll be ahead of us... okay.

- Unless you can't help it.

- Thank you everybody for being here.

Thank you Kat.

- Yeah, thanks for having me.

- Thank you for having me.

It was fun.
- What a joy.

- And thank you.
- Thank you.

- Have a sexy day!

- Have a really sexy day.
- Have a sexy morning.

- Morning?

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