All language subtitles for Best In Bed_en

Concentration!

Ben, film your sister.

And again.

Skis out, Emma!

Skis out!

Emma, concentrate.
You can do it!

Good!

Arms straight. Straight!

I said, legs bent, skis together!

It's not rocket science!

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again!

You know that, don't you?

Do what I say!

Concentrate!

Go for it, honey!

Go! Yes!

Superb!

BEST IN BED

You saw the boss?

He said he was relying on me,
all of us,

for the relaunch of the mag.

He wants powerful,
new subjects that shift units.

Motivating the troops, y'know.

You're not motivated?

We have different standards.

Maybe so.

Living proof that a journalist
can be competent and attractive.

I'm delighted for you, Emma.
Your first real assignment.

A major subject.
Make sure your sources are solid.

Moving onto next month's issue.

Let's hear your ideas.

How about an in-depth report
on microcredits in India?

I have the inside track.

Yes, very exciting.

Any other ideas?

Maybe a major exclusive

on the water shortage
in Central Asia?

No, we've been there, Tristan.

I came up with a subject.

Sex in a recession.

Why not Paris Hilton's sex life
from a Freudian viewpoint?

Hold on, Tristan,

remember that our sales
are down 20%.

Okay, you handle this one.

I expect investigative reporting,
the big picture, key figures.

From the economic angle, of course.

Yes, go ahead, Yann.

The subject I suggested last year,
the dark side of Pokemon.

It's big news right now.

Look, Yann,

I'm not sure

that Pikachew is a good fit
with our editorial policy.

Why not?

Mangas are big business nowadays.

Maybe a piece on the merchandising?

I'm not sure
that's Yann's angle on it.

But it's worth considering.

Yes, we'll discuss it another time.

Yann, remember
you're on life insurance.

My whole internship so far.

Dig deeper on funeral guarantees.
They're crucial.

I can't let you
take your eye off the ball.

Thanks for speaking up.
Really sweet of you.

No problem.

If ever you need
a favor or anything, just shout.

Thanks.

You're our star writer,
the one the competition covets,

but you never agree.

You know I hate
lurid subjects like that.

Give it to Goody-Two-Shoes.

You're a pain.

The owner's on my ass,

asking why our best-paid writer

submits 12 pages a year
that nobody reads.

The owner's cool with us
paying his retarded son

for a 10-year internship?

Under a false name.

I'd appreciate
you keeping that quiet.

See you.

The report on worldwide deficits,
are you doing it now?

Yes, Paul asked me to.

Right.

You didn't know?

Is it a problem?

Far from it.

You're here 2 weeks,
I pitched it 2 years ago.

No problem.

Give me sex every time.

Banging
gets my juices flowing.

Sorry, I filed it last night.

Don't waste time on sleep.

Ms. Emma Dorian?

Sign here, please.

Looks very practical.

It's ergonomic.

Eases back fatigue
and strained muscles,

so you work hours at a stretch.

How many? 50-60 non-stop?

Shit, gotta go.

You've gone part-time?

To see my dentist,
I need permission?

Rinse.

Perfect!

Let's see...

Gently does it.

Perfect.

Say, Emma...

You're on the IPO feature?

Fine. And the Andersen interview?

- I'm doing it tomorrow.
- Alone?

I think Paul's testing me.

Tell me,

the interrogation,
every day same time?

Just asking because...

You know, it's just...

You need experience
to face guys like him.

I'm not sure a beginner...

I've been working 5 years.

Sorry,
I always forget women's magazines.

Look, I left grad school

with an MBA in public policy
and applied economics,

and completed
my doctorate summa cum laude.

And you play violin?

Yes. Piano, too.

And to pay for college,

I freelanced for 5 years
for women's magazines.

Is that a problem?

Hey there.

You okay?

Great, and you?

I'm good.

You're married?

Scared of commitment?

No.

- Complicated breakup?
- Not either.

Health issues?

I'm fine.

Look...

We don't have to...

I mean, we can just hook up,

now and then, just for fun.

Yes, but...

Fun for who?

I should have done my accounts.

You know
what it's like at the beginning.

You get to know each other
and gradually...

Sure, but one time was enough.

You're a bit...

How can I put it?

A bit limp.

I'm not into that.

Limp?

Like shagging an anesthetized slug.

Nothing personal.

Asshole!

Fine.

Is this PVC coated, Françoise?

Waterproof and stainproof.

Knew it!
It's been bugging me all night.

It just wipes clean?

And every Sunday,
machine wash at 60°.

Amazing.
I saw a magazine report about it.

And heatproof, too.

You can put hot dishes on it.

In fact, it's real cotton,

coated with PVC, which means...

I've forgotten.
Do you remember, Françoise?

No, I'm afraid I don't.

The initials...

It's on the tip of my tongue.

It's okay. Tell us next time.

If I kept the warranty, I'll look.

Sorry, I don't feel too well.

I need to lie down before I go home.

We'll give you a ride.
Won't we, Ben?

That's really sweet.

I'll make some coffee.

She's down in the dumps.

I can't say I'm surprised...

The press is in big trouble.

What are you doing? Are you sick?

I'm fine. I needed to be alone.

What's wrong, sweetie?

Mom?

When you married dad,
had you consummated?

What do you mean?

Had you slept together?

Obviously.

Were you happy?

Very.

We had a little place
near city hall,

your dad got a job...

No, in the bedroom?

Look...

Benjamin came along very soon.
What can I say?

So you were happy?

Yes, very!

Why all the questions?

Apparently, I'm no good.

No good at your job?

Not you, sweetie.
You're good at everything.

Know what dad would say?

Mom, it doesn't work every time.

Your father's method.

4 steps, and lock it off.

It worked just fine.

Your father taught you
to be winners.

Not losers,
flattened by the tiniest setback.

I have some free time
if you need anything doing.

What?

I was saying,
I have some free time, so just ask.

Thanks.

How's it going?

Okay. I'm beginning to get

a good overview.

By the way,

I had an idea.

You need to drop by The Jackhammer.

The swinger club.
The boss is Zeno...

You know him?

Very vaguely.

If you play it right,
he'll give you the juice.

Except he leaves on vacation
tomorrow.

Okay, I'll check it out.

You won't get in alone.

Go with Emma.

Yeah, sure.

You realize what it is?

Yes, Tristan. A swinger club.

The boss'll give you the juice,
but he's going on vacation.

You don't miss a trick!

You forgot the bullet-proof vest.

Look, there's Zeno.

Thanks.

I'll grab him.

Champagne, please.

You saw the new room?

With the gynecologist's chair.

Yeah, great.

Next up
is a medieval-style torture chamber.

Very hip in Amsterdam.

They were all tangled up.

A bowl of spaghetti.

Too much Red Bull, seriously.

The old guys can't take it.

I've seen three strokes here.

Hassle every time.

When do you begin?

I'm just killing time.

Want to test the chair,
the stirrups?

I have 14 guys signed up.

Pardon me?

You're here for the gangbang?

Not exactly.

I thought you were the new girl.

The last one who turned up
looking like you

turned over 60 guys in one night.

I never go by
how people look anymore.

We're here, you're home.

Thanks.

Hold on.

I'm hot.

I may not rock but I'm not a slug.

Here.

Thanks.

I'm not a slug.

Feeling okay?

Great!

Thanks for last night.
I really did get the juice.

It was fun.

You partied after?

You know, it was pretty late.

Yeah, true.

What time was it?

When we got to your place,
at least 3 already.

You took me home?

Of course, silly me.

How far'd you take me?

To your bed.

Right.

Did you sleep well?

Not much.

You got to bed late?

Just after you.

- You don't remember?
- Sure, I do.

I have a feature
to finish today about...

Ethical finance.

It's fascinating, awesome.

I've no doubt it is.

I'm a slave to sex.

Day and night.

I was wondering, about last night...

Was it good?

Because right now, I'm a bit...

Absolutely, you're a bit...

What?

Now you've told me you're a bit...

It's so much clearer.

What is?

I don't know.

You say that right now
you're a bit...

So I think, okay, she's a bit...

Which means you're...

What am I?

Forget it,
it's awkward enough as it is.

There was a glitch.
Shit happens. Let's leave it there.

Nothing happened. Nada.

Don't sweat on it...

Little slug.

In a word, I suck.

That's new. Cut it out.

Ben, I'm serious. I'm sure now.

Lucas never said anything?

And the guy before him...

Did he say anything?

No, but it's not that easy,
you know.

Maybe, nobody dared.
It could be why I'm still single.

You dumped them.

Not Frédéric.

I just don't cut it.

That's twice, two different guys,

two pieces of terrible feedback.

Apply dad's method.

Give me a break.

You're right,
that's what I should do.

What?

Become the best lay in Paris.
The best!

- Downtown Paris or...
- All 20 boroughs.

The whole county.

Hey there.

Throw in Normandy, maybe?

Normandy? I love it.

Another time, Béné.

Of course, there's Sex for Dummies,

the fundamentals.

If you want to take it further,

there's this one.

Last year's bestseller.

Similar vein...

There's this one, too.

Let's Talk About Sex?

With that, you're already past
the beginner stage.

And if I want
to go straight to expert.

In that case,
don't beat about the bush,

First in Bed,
by Professor Chaban-Cerbère.

But be warned, it's very technical.

Can you stick to green,
maybe, for today?

Or red, even.

Just choose a color
and stick with it.

Sorry.

So, how's it going?

I got a source on Eastern Europe.

And tomorrow, I'm seeing the guy
behind French Porn.

That's great.

A guy at the body shop

gave me the number
of an escort girl,

one of the best in Paris,
knows her stuff.

Charges 5 grand a night.

5,000?

And it's word-of-mouth.

It's extortionate.

It's the market price.

You can reach her every day,
any time till 6.

And after 9 on Sundays.

Say I sent you.

You sent me?

Or the guy at the body shop?

Yeah, him.
But I'll give her a call.

See you.

- Hello.
- Hey.

Agathe?

Yep, come in.

I'm Emma Dorian.

Nice to meet you.

Put your stuff down there.

A drink?

Yeah, sure.

Exams in two weeks,
sorry about the mess.

It's cool you could find time
to see me.

I'll pay you, of course.

Forget it.

So, how can I help you?

Okay, as I said to you
on the phone earlier,

I think I suck in bed.

And so,

if I sleep with a guy once,
he never comes back for more.

That's not very practical.

No.

You've always sucked?

No. I mean...

I'd never noticed,
but twice running...

Statistically, it's not good at all.

A dentist and a reporter
I work with.

You're in the media?

Who with? A magazine?

Sorry, one of my regulars.

Hello, Peter.

I can be there in under an hour,

if you can hold out.

I'm on my way.

Sorry, an emergency.

In this business,
you're on call 24/7.

And he's wild.

Can you call a cab?

Sure.

She's on her way. Sorry.

Come with?

Yeah, right, sure.

Rule number 1,
always keep them waiting.

It's like any line of work,
there are fads.

Right now, I'm top 5,
but only because I play smart.

Going on internet kills you.

The golden rule,
no photos, only fantasy.

So, how many clients do you have?

At around 5-6,
I start turning people away.

It's not all fun.

And technique-wise...

Are there any tricks
or things that work every time?

It's my job, Emma. I'm a pro.

Your problem's different.

You need to start getting off.

A good lay is
a chick having a blast.

The problem is, I'm not up to speed.

Up to speed at what?

You need to get to know
your body, honey.

Got any toys?

Here you go.

Call me.

Don't worry, I'll send you something
to light up your puss!

Thanks, great.

How about that!

Yeah.

Make some room for the Baked Alaska.

How are you working on it?

How do you do that?

Well, I watch films,

I read books, I...

Screw theory, learn on the job.

Sure, but that takes
some organization.

- Did you make it?
- Yes.

I found the recipe
in Universal Woman.

You should find someone to help out.

You're overworked?
Can't your intern lend a hand?

Sure.

Y'know,
before interns climb the ladder,

they're horribly exploited.

I saw a documentary.

As we speak, in this day and age,

interns are slave labor,
like it or not.

Sure, but in this case, I can't...

This isn't for interns.

Precisely.

They love tasks
that aren't just copying.

Béné's right.
Get the intern on board.

Listening to her blowing him,

I felt my pussy pulsating.

My mind was drained,
I was melting...

- How are you?
- Fine, and you?

Say...

Are you trying to stiff me?

At work.

Why do you say that?

I needed a stapler
and looked in your drawer...

You know what I found?

I can guess, but it's not...

It's not what you think.

It was for earlier,

when I thought I could help you.

Very good of you.

But I'm doing fine without you.

Of course.
That's not what I meant.

You don't like me.

It's not my style
to tread on someone's toes.

Maybe.

Sorry, if I got you wrong.

I've gotta go. See you later.

I can't bring myself to hate her.

Your crown's at stake.

You know who you're up against.
No complacency.

Good luck to the rookie, though.
Let's be fair play.

Concentrate, and let's play...

Fire!

Hi.

Hi, Emma.

Sorry, it's the final.

The final?

It's the big Copy Fight-Off.

She's 3-time champ,

but she's new,
so the title's up for grabs.

Copy both sides?

Sure.

The first to finish wins.

The Xerox has a 20-page handicap
because she staples faster.

I was thinking...

You've been here long?

Three years in June.

Before I was at Photocopy Weekly.

Let's go!

You remember when you said

that I could ask you
a favor, any favor?

Well, I've thought of something.

This is a bit...

Shall we begin?

What, now?

No, finish your apple.

I brushed up on Cowgirl and Doggie
to start with.

Dear Emma, a partner for you
Agathe

My lawyer's wife gave me an address.

The celebrities' sexologist. Gipch.

It's madness,
a six-month waiting list.

What's he do?

He resolves every issue.

Fantasy issues, libido,
all kinds of hangup.

Even people
who can't satisfy their partner.

He's the best.

Say Peter sent you
and he'll talk to you.

Peter or his wife?

Peter.

Take it down.

So... 01...

44 55...

67 45... There you go.

I'm relying on you.

Emma, your copy is perfect.

If you have time, let's have a talk.

I'd like us to discuss some ideas...

No, no pressure.

Like a numeroscope...

We said no horoscopes.

A numeroscope. The angle's economic.

Okay then.

This adjusts your chair?
Wrong button.

No, it's not the...

Okay, I've got it.

No, you press there.

That's not...

Wait!

That's not the chair.

Give that back.

Let me see.

That's not what's buzzing.

It's not that.

It's my garage remote!

- You don't have a car.
- Soon!

I've got work to do.

What's wrong with her?

Her self-esteem's low.

I can't bring myself to hate her.

It'll feel weird,

after my whole career with one firm.

I've seen it all.

Layoffs, strikes, computerization...

So many faces and changes.

You'll love it down south

and you can freelance.

How long's Tristan been here?

Maybe 8-10 years.

Before, he was
a war reporter in Iran.

Not at all, it was Iraq.

His stuff's still at work?

No, he moved in with a woman.

Not at all,
he's back living in his camping car.

Nonsense!

He never owned a camping car.

I heard he was in a squat uptown.

Not at all!

Does he have kids?

Not precisely.

He married a biology researcher.

One day, she ran off
to work with animals in Africa.

What are they called? They run fast.

Panthers with spots.

I wouldn't kick Tristan out of bed.

I just saw the escort girl
Paul told me about.

She does it to pay for college.

Guys are praying
for her to repeat a year.

She obviously blew you away.

I admit I didn't take many notes.

That good?

C'mon, she's a pro.

How can you tell?
Did you...

You mean, you tried her?

- Is that all? Thanks.
- You can't get enough?

How's your article coming on?

If you wanted to nit-pick,

I'm short a paragraph

on the sex lives
of train conductors,

but they're hard to pin down.

Harder than an escort girl, I guess.

For sure.

Seriously, did you sleep with her?

This is for your sex file?

That's a point...

How's it going?

Let's see.

It was just if you needed backup.

C'mon, show me.
Maybe you nailed something.

- It's random...
- Don't be shy.

Cut it out.

Where is it?

You're annoying!

We said, no pens.

Hands off those!

Tonight still on?

You look a million dollars.

I'm going with Paul to a meeting.

What's he disguised as?

See you tonight.

Goodbye.

Miss...

Come in.

Excuse me,
you're not Bob Clark, are you?

I saw you last night
in Pussy Patrol.

And I also saw you in...

I always forget the title.
You won an award...

The Gardener Returns.

- Emma Dorian.
- Nice to meet you.

I am so glad I ran into you.

Catherine, my wife.

- Emma's a fan.
- Not at all.

I mean,
I really like your work, honestly.

You're great...

But that's not why...

Anyway,

I'm a journalist and our cover story
is on your business.

- Great! You have a card?
- Sure.

I work for an economic monthly.

Mr. and Mrs. Clark!

Goodbye.

How can I help?

I'd like to try to...

No, I want to improve
my performance sexually.

You realized there's a problem.

Before,
I never really thought about it.

I was doing fine.

No, you weren't.
Don't delude yourself.

What made you realize?

A recent experience.

Two, in fact.

I sucked so bad
I became aware of...

So you want to improve?

Exactly.

Fine.

Three solutions.

The electronic perineum,
a procedure developed in Brazil.

It replaces natural muscle
with artificial muscle,

with a range of functions,
vibrate, squeeze, contract,

and squeezing the organ.

Several clients have had it done
and they're delighted.

30,000 euros, including fitting.

Guaranteed two years.

Besides that?

My personal coaching program
to train women up to be experts.

95% success rate.

And patients only come back

when their husband
has been banged to a pulp

or he's died on the job.

What does it involve?

Correction of bad posture

and the history of sex.
It's interconnected.

You can't be a great lay
and not know a few crucial dates.

12,000 euros.

All inclusive?

Look,

it's very popular.

This year, 3 patients reached
the regional finals.

Performance is my trade.

My best clients perform
in competition.

Okay,
so we've been married 15 years,

we have sex occasionally,
but you never get off.

You want more variation.

And you?

I act the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am
kinda guy.

That won't be hard.

Remember, Dictaphone on, bag open.

Don't you feel you should move on?

Cut that out.

This is work, not a shrink session.

Just focus on your role.

What he's offering,
how much and does he take cash?

We'll start nice and easy.
Think about it and call me.

- Thanks.
- Miss...

Liliane, I pay you to open the door,

not to chat on Facebook!

You want to talk to me?

Tristan, it's not what you think.

It so happens that Gilbert Gipch
was my pediatrician.

Long ago, when I was a little girl,

he cured me of...

Regurgitation.

Look, I'll be very clear.

I don't know what you're up to,
but it's game over.

I've seen tons of suckups like you.

From now on,

if you go anywhere near
my files or contacts...

It's not what you think.

Can it, it's getting boring.

- But...
- No, enough.

You think guys train to be good?

Half of them need to bone up
on the female anatomy first.

But I'm not up to speed.

Cut out the up to speed crap,
it freaks me out.

You got an FWB.

Friend with benefits,
to keep puss happy.

- It's all the rage.
- I have.

That's good.

I'm on my way.

An emergency. Same guy.

Can we meet next week?

I might be going to Belgium
with him, on business.

My brother's a bank exec.
He could maybe swing you a job.

Come for dinner with us.

I'll get back to you.

I'll see you again anyway.

I'd like a few practical lessons.

Fellatio, maybe.

You've blown guys, haven't you?

I want the pro version.
That keeps a guy coming back.

Fellatio isn't like tennis.
You have to improvise.

But you must have tips on what to do
and what not to do.

Hot-and-cold's a goodie.

I usually use whiskey,

or peppermint sorbet.
Only Picard's, though.

Guaranteed ejaculation.

Right, but you don't always
have some to hand.

What matters is working out
what gets you off.

What makes you vibrate.

I've vibrated a lot recently.

You must notice a difference.

You know, if it's Penelope Bowl
or Samantha Pearl,

who's worth every penny she makes,

to me, it's the same.

You've met Catherine, my wife.

We met Emma at Gipch's.

Eric, I remember.

Your name's Eric, Bob?

That's funny.

Catherine's your real name?

I'm a teacher.
A pseudonym's unnecessary.

Sorry.

Going back to your scene partners,
if I may,

no one's better than another?

Sure, obviously.

Some take lessons,
so they have more presence on set.

But sexually?

It's all about technique.

The girls have to train regularly,

to avoid cramp and dislocations.

For us, it's all about the climax.

Meaning?

The ejaculation, the money shot.

Isn't your angle the economics?

Yes, of course.

What about you, Catherine?

It can't be easy all the time,

being a porn star's wife.

My girlfriends wonder if their man's
banging the office intern.

I know he bangs all his co-workers.

Very pragmatic.

Eric's tired, I think.

He has four climaxes tomorrow,

so if you have all you need...

I'll make do with this.

After you graduate,
I'll get you an interview.

Thanks, that's cool.

That's a date!

All without having to put out,
unlike in some jobs.

You're kidding! Is this VPC?

Not VPC. It's PVC!

I went out and bought it next day.

It's brilliant. A tablecloth

that wipes clean and doesn't crease.
Heaven!

It's cotton coated in PVC,

otherwise known
as polyvinyl chloride.

What do you do, Béné?

I read magazines,
I watch daytime TV, I...

I live out other people's lives,
light years from mine.

And I cook for my hubby

and sister-in-law,
who's always here.

I chat with the cleaner.

I can't even get pregnant
after three years of trying.

I tell boring stories
that make people laugh.

I'm the housewife under 50
advertisers aim for.

You are our beacon in a storm.

We're lucky to have you.

I was thinking,

you should use a little makeup
to highlight your eyes.

- Really?
- Sure.

A touch of eyeliner here

would bring out
your natural presence.

It's a shame not to.

Okay, I'll give it a try.

I have a date with my intern.

On Sunday?

That's appalling.

That feels so good!

Goldorak, go!

Let's drop anchor here.

You'll be so energized, you'll see.

Cheesy triangle or cheesy cube?

Cheesy cube.

You went to Oxford?

You bet!
And every other summer camp.

Oxford, Cambridge...

Really? Your family had money?

Dad wanted me
to speak 4 languages, at least.

So, around 10-11 years old,
I developed a mental block.

I refused to speak.

Nothing.

Not in French,

nor in English, nor in Flemish.

The shrinks all told him
I had huge potential,

but I'd express it later.

I went to live with my Granny,
and that did the trick.

You made a pretty good recovery.

Yeah.

And now...

There's us.

Us? Slow down now.

What more do you want?

Vanilla or chocolate?

I mentioned your problem to Dad

and he'll lend us the house
in Ostend.

Yann...

I hope we're on the same page.

We have our little sessions,
we're good friends,

and that's all.

It's two co-workers hooking up,
no more.

You understand?

Do you understand?

Thierry?

Paul wants me
to add a porn star interview,

but this time he has no contact.

He could ask his butcher.

Seriously,

what's the name of that guy
who's all over the media?

Bob Clark.

He's washed up.

Come again?

He's a bit washed up.

You're an expert on porn stars?

Not particularly.

I just know Clark won an award
for The Gardener in 2003,

which is getting pretty dated.

You can do better.

What about Richie Salmon,
the rising star of Hands Down?

Or the guy
with the prehistoric penis?

Bartlomiej Zabrisleski.
What a performer!

He's Polish. Top notch.

Did your folks run a sex shop?

I have a drill for you.

You're young at heart,

if I say porn star, you think...

- Alive or dead?
- Alive.

Bob Clark.

Out of the mouths of babes...

I called Bob Clark.

See who I mean?

He turned me down,
saying he'd told you all he knew.

I'm sorry.
It's not what you think.

I don't think anything,
I want an explanation.

I met him
in Gipch's waiting room.

I swear it's true.

We got chatting and...

He suggested that we had
a more private meeting.

He came onto you?

The sleazeball fucks all day,
then hits on random women?

How come he sees Gipch?

- Sperm issues.
- Yeah, right.

Seriously.

He has a very tough schedule,
you know,

so he needs a special diet.

So what's with the interview?

We came up with that

in case there was any hassle

with his wife.

A kind of alibi.

So, you banged Bob Clark?

No, personally,
I don't bang anybody.

No way! Was it just like the movies?

What can I say? He's a pro.

Precision,

flexibility...

He does things with his body
other guys can't.

You're here already?

Well?

You lay down the law?

There's no point,
she's a total nutcase.

The superhero lowers his guard.
The end of an era.

I can't bring myself to hate her.

Well,

let's just get
a rapid overview of the situation.

- Is your copy ready?
- Except for one sidebar.

Great,
we're going to press Thursday.

My article's the whole mag,
or there are others?

What can I say?

It's the cover story,
the main feature.

For February's issue,

I came up with a killer subject,

maybe worth a special edition.

It's a recent
but significant phenomenon,

and I want to be first on it,
for once.

What is it then?

Prostitution in old folks' homes.
The economic angle.

Any takers?

Emma, it's a golden opportunity.
A French exclusive.

I'm good thanks.
I've had enough sex recently.

Really? Michèle?

I just put my mom in a home.
I can't do that.

Doesn't it cross the line?

It's on the razor's edge,

but it happens, it's serious
and it sells.

Leave your hipster cafés.

I'm warning you,
I'll decide unilaterally.

And for the supplement,
and I want volunteers here,

the black economy of gnomes.
The economic angle.

Garden gnomes?

No, vertically challenged people.

Any takers?

Michèle!

So we're agreed.

We have targets to meet.
See you Thursday.

Emma, Tristan, in my office.
I want a word.

Slight problem. I'm double-booked,
Cabourg and Belgium.

Belgium?

The majority stockholder's Belgian.

So you two
will represent the mag in Cabourg.

Watch out, it's no vacation.

Sign up for the workshops,
give presentations.

It'll be great to get out.

Nothing beats a congress
for team bonding.

I'll leave the details to you.

That top suits you wonderfully.

You okay?

No, not okay, at all.
I'm in a total panic.

- How long before I'm hot?
- Hot?

Like guys are always saying...

She's hot,
she looks hot, what a hottie!

What does hot mean exactly?

Having tits and an ass, period.

No, there has to be more
to being hot.

You're on a hot streak,
hot in bed, smoking hot,

but what makes a hottie hot?

You've lost it. Being a hottie
means being hot to trot.

In his dreams.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.

Afternoon, what can I get you?

Same as her.

I don't know anymore...

I'm so confused.

I've even forgotten
how to show a guy I like him.

I can help.

You make eye contact,
look deep into his eyes, lustfully,

and think sex.

With every particle of your being,
think sex.

With every pore in your skin,
think sex.

Even if the conversation's
about Marxism or the veal stew,

you gotta think sex.

Demonstration?

That'd be good.

Excuse me, sir,

my friend and I
have two days left in Paris,

and we're wondering what to do.

We can't decide.
Take in the Eiffel Tower?

Or meander down the canal?

Or go down on the Latin Quarter?

I love the uncertainty,

that moment
when nothing is set in stone.

Maybe I can take you?

Not right away.
Give me your card.

Thank you very much.

Blow.

Blow, I said.

Crazy, the wastage
of office supplies.

I was thinking, maybe we should have
a debriefing, one to one.

Sure, but not tonight.

I'm going swimming.

You still ache?

No, I do not still ache.

I knew it.

You're not using all your muscles.
All your organs need to be active.

See you after the pool.

Before the next session,

I want you to conduct an experiment.

Drink this in one go before the act.

You'll have a wonderful time.

See you again...

Next week.
But I can't fit you in every time.

This cannot be sporadic,
treat it like a training program.

Thank you, doctor.

Liliane!

It's 15 years since he passed!

After the accident,
I panicked about the children...

Mom, not again.

I'm talking to Bénédicte!

A half-hour later, at the hospital,

the doctor told us
he was hemorrhaging...

And sinking fast.

I can't talk, I'm at my mother's.

More mashed potato anyone?

Emma, don't do this.
I'm working my nuts off to help you.

You can't stand me up.

- Yann, it's breaking up.
- I have lots to tell you.

The reception's terrible.

I can't hear you.
I'll call you back.

My intern.

He's taking too many initiatives.

You know...

I'm worried about your mom.

It's hard for a woman, living alone,

in today's selfish society
that's losing touch with reality.

If Ben passed away...

Are you okay, Béné?

You seem depressed lately.

You think?

I don't know...

I'm glad I have you guys.

You'll see, it matters,
being accepted into a family.

I can hardly accept myself.

I have a migraine.

In my bag, help yourself.

Thanks.

Until I've asked my N+1,
I can't do anything.

We need to have a meeting
and discuss it,

see if we can agree,

before we put anything in writing...

You okay, honey?

I'm hot.

It's tricky with regard to Europe.

The directives won't change,
just like that.

We'll consult and see how it goes.

Anyway, we don't write it up.

We consult first,
with our colleagues,

because there's...
How many of us?

There must be more or less
four of us.

The consultation period and the...

Anyhow, we don't care,

we don't write it up.

It's not our department.

Honey, we're going to have to leave.

Come on!

Sorry, honey.

I can't wait.

Come on.

I'm so embarrassed.

I don't know what came over me.

Forget it, honey.

I am so ashamed.

Really ashamed.

So ashamed!

It felt as if I were possessed.

It wasn't at all unpleasant, Béné.

In fact, it was

very

nice.

Very, very nice.

That's reassuring.

You won't leave me?

'Course not.

Hi, mom.

No, everything's fine.
Say, I need to know,

the spice in that dish last night.
What was it?

Cardamom? Really?

You're not answering?

I'm finishing an article.

You think you're up to speed?

Can we do some work here?

Look, Yann,

we got in some training

and I thank you for your help.

Thank you, seriously.
It really helped.

- Now I need to work solo.
- You're disheartened.

- No, I'm not.
- You are.

You're losing it.

You're drained.

From now on, leave it all to me.

I'll be fine on my own.

If you end it, I swear
I'll tell everyone everything.

Everything!

See you Thursday.

If you could give me some advice,
I'd appreciate it.

You have my card?
Call me after your internship.

Okay. See you soon, then.

- Don't you despise free newspapers?
- Me? Not at all.

Know what I did at college?

I edited a home base catalogue.

So you haven't always been
the acclaimed, campaigning radical?

How about dinner on my expenses?

Sure.

I guess,

relationships, projects, mortgages,

all that stuff that blows up
in your face just isn't for me.

No commitment, then?

I didn't say that.

What's commitment?

An all-inclusive, 20-year plan.

No, I prefer...

scattered fragments,

random little nuggets,

not a special deal for suckers,
all packaging, no content.

You can hold your drink, for a slug.

But watch out, after one bottle,

I take no responsibility.

Our moment of intimacy
was nice, though.

Yeah, right.

You seemed unimpressed.

What did I say?

You implied
I was not right up there.

Hold on,
you didn't think we slept together?

We didn't?

Absolutely not. I'd rather die.

Thanks a lot.

I mean, taking advantage of a woman
who blacks out is not my style.

I just bought what you said.

What?

It could've happened.

Technically, yes, but no.

We should be going.

Hold on a second.

What the hell!

Shit!

Tonight, doggie and helicopter.
Your king of sex.

Keep calm!

Arch your back.

It's all on there.

All what?

Your assessment.

SEX ASSESSMENT

I told you about it.

Everybody's on their way.
We'll do this later.

I can post it in the elevator.

Okay,

here we go.

In terms of overall performance,
there's a positive trend.

Great.

Relax, we're coming
to your return on objectives.

Move it.

Hold on. The highly anticipated
conclusion is next.

So,

in terms of post-coital reassurance
of your partner...

What's wrong?

Already hard at it. Good job!

Don't forget the article
on Finders.com.

I'll call Gaillard and we'll talk.

Right.

Yann? Can we talk
long-term funeral loans?

AFTERGLOW BLOWJOBS

Fascinating.

So, you're leaving us?

It's a shame.

I had a great subject for you.

The housewife lobby.

Funding, cooptation,
the black market...

Not forgetting addiction
to household products.

See?
You key into the editorial line.

And you key in?

What do you think?

Excuse me.

- The body shop, sir.
- I'll take it.

Yes, sir.

I couldn't not tell him
we'd been eating it all week.

He said I'd OD'd.

If it's not that,
what possessed you?

Okay, the context was
dinner at mom's in memory of dad.

What do you call people who...

I'm so hot.

That's it, Béné! Dad's death.

You're a necrophile!

Can we talk about it later?

You're a necrophile!

There's Peter. I invited him
to join us for coffee.

He works in the financial press.
Maybe he can help you switch jobs.

I'm training her up.
She's very keen.

I thought
you could teach her a few tricks.

She's very open-minded.

If it makes you happy.

Excuse me.

What were you doing in there?

Peter, this is Emma,
whom I was telling you about.

Emma, Peter is my favorite.

Insatiable and inexhaustible.

Nice to meet you.

Sorry, I have to run.
I forgot we had friends for dinner.

Goodbye.

That's a pity.

I told him I was training you up
and you were totally into it.

Hi, my name is Jules.

Yann Damimo
told me you were in training

to become the best lay in Paris.

I'm interested.

You can reach me on...

This is Thierry from work.

Yann told us everything.

If you need to talk about it,
I'm here for you.

You have my number.
Lots of love.

Don't think twice.

It wasn't bad.

Not bad at all.

Hurry, we'll miss the 11 o'clock
at Père Lachaise.

It sounded awful.

You said that yesterday,
but it was great.

What are you guys doing here?

A loss in the family?

- No, a friend of mine.
- Who?

What was his name again?

Raymond Mullard.

Sorry, we have to go.

Bob Clark called for you.

He said you were welcome on the set
of The Plumber Leaks.

Apparently, you asked...

- He misunderstood.
- I don't know.

You're coming
to Nicole's leaving party?

Hello?

- Miss Dorian?
- Speaking.

Dr. Gipch's secretary.

I have great news.
You're in the semi-finals.

The competition Dr. Gipch mentioned.

Three-way with Peter?
You'll love it!

You seem embarrassed.

There's no problem, no consequences.
Nothing happened.

- Nothing.
- Nothing at all.

Dear friends,
can I have your attention, please?

My dear Nicole...

It's the big day. You're leaving us.

I can say
without fear of contradiction

that we'll miss you.

Yann, who spent

some considerable time
as your intern,

insisted on saying a few words.

So, over to Yann.

Testing, testing.

When I joined the company as intern,

you looked me in the eye and said,

Look beyond the Xerox machine...

Proud of your man?

It's not what you think.

So it's not you banging
the owner's son to get on?

Banging who?

The owner's son.

The great romantic poet
who sexts you.

Yeah, right.

And Nicole's Lady Gaga.
She's just warming up for her show.

For a brilliant journalist,
you're badly informed.

See, you can't control everything.

Shit happens,
there are little glitches...

We all have moments of weakness,
even you.

Nicole, keep on rocking!

I'll take this opportunity

to announce two other departures...

Tristan

is joining one of our competitors,

which equates more with his...

How can I put it?

He's leaving us.

And Yann...

is moving to another
of the group's titles,

where, as Executive Intern
and insurance expert,

he will supervise the junior intern.

Finally, I'm pleased to announce

that Emma will become chief editor
of Futures,

a fine and well deserved promotion.

Enjoy your day.

The bar is open.

I'm afraid I can't.

I don't want more training,
I don't want anything.

Exactly, I'll vegetate.

Take your electronic perineum
and shove it up your ass!

What?

The stalker in the Goldorak robe
can shove it, too.

Same goes
for the has-been's contacts.

Above all,
I'm giving up locking-off.

I'm tired.

Can't you understand that?

If a guy wants to hit on me,
he can start by getting up to speed.

And if I suck at fellatio,

I don't give a damn!

I'm resigning, too.

Yes, Peter, I'm gone.

Your gnomes and wrinkly hookers...

Say hi from me.

Friends, help yourselves.

I'm afraid...

I'm gonna have a sluggy moment.

Sorry, yeah...

What's the forecast for an upswing?

Good.
After a quick pick-me-up.

Subtitles: Simon John

Subtitling: C.M.C.