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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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This House, at times,
can feel somewhat detached
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00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,079
from the outside world,
3
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:11,159
so let me remind you all that
Christmas is approaching.
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And you know, it struck me, as
I said goodbye to my wife yesterday
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to come here,
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that this proposed bill
and Christmas have a lot in common.
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They're both about
my three favourite words, actually,
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and those words are
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family, family, fa...
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Your wife's on the phone. My what?
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Your wife. My wife?
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Ugh... I spoke to her
just yesterday.
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Sorry, chaps, it's just
this woman from my wedding.
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Hello, dearest.
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God.
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Sorry, I can't hear a word
you're saying, darling.
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00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,000
It's a terrible line.
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Oh, that's the baby, is it? Ha.
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00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,119
- What?
- When will you be home?
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Oh, no, sorry, darling.
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I won't be coming home tonight,
I'm afraid.
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- I know...
- Tomorrow?
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Or tomorrow.
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- I know...
- I'm so upset!
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Well, I'm heartbroken too, darling.
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Yes, I know...
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...but the truth is, darling, er...
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...something's just come up.
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Oh, what's he doing now?
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Yes!
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He's doing spuds in beef dripping.
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Oh-ho! He knows his onions.
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Potatoes.
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Are you ready for this? Hell, yeah.
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Here she comes.
I should warn you, it's VERY sexy.
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Sexy?
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00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,199
Merry Christmas Eve.
Honk. Crrring.
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00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,319
Aw, Mike,
that's not very Christmassy.
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It's got a reindeer on it.
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I think you look wonderful, Alison.
You look like a firework.
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00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,719
Oh, thanks, guys. The ghosts are
here, are they? I get it.
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00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,719
Admiring the master at work, yeah?
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He's burnt the custard. Twice.
44
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And he's washed all the flavour
out of the turnips as well.
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I'm a kitchen wizard. Yeah, kind of.
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This Christmas is going
to be so perfect,
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it's going be like an advert
for Christmas.
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Look at my Christmas master plan.
It's amazing, right?
49
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,439
It's all planned out,
so Mum and Dad can relax.
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00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:47,559
You know what they're like -
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00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,679
always trying to do everything.
Not this time.
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00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,359
Excellent planning, Michael.
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00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,519
Oh, the things I could have done
with a whiteboard.
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Gah, humbug.
55
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,519
Not a fan of Christmas, Julian?
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00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,919
Hm? Oh, no, I'm just saying
there's a jar of humbugs here.
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Oh. Also, I'm not a fan of
Christmas.
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00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,799
Really? Well, it's just not
the same when you're dead.
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00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,079
Can't drink booze,
can't flirt with the fillies
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00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,599
at the office Christmas party.
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00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,719
If you can't do that,
what's the point? Going to my room.
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Wake me up when it's all over.
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I suppose he does have a point.
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I mean, don't get me wrong,
you know,
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00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,399
I still get a tingle in me dingle
on Christmas Eve,
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00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,439
but it is hard,
with the memories of what you had.
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00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,919
I can't recall the last time I heard
the King's... Queen's Speech.
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00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:30,039
I miss playing games with my boy
and the nephews -
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Buckaroo, Boggle, Yahtzee, KerPlunk.
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00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:32,919
Why are you talking gibberish?
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00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,239
I miss the mist-letoe.
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00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,279
Will these lips e'er
be kissed again?
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00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,759
I miss presents.
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00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,279
We used to open them in the morning
and then after lunch,
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00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,759
my sister would come into my room
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and pick the ones that she wanted.
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All this fuss, and for what?
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This whole Christmas thing
is just a fad.
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It's been 2,000 years, Robin.
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Exactly. And in mere 2,000 more,
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it'll be something else.
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The whole thing is just a...
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00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,759
What is phrase?
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00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,359
Oh! Flash in the pan.
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Passing obsession.
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Trust me, it'll never catch on.
Never.
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Well, hold on,
this year can be different.
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00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,999
I'm here. We can have
the best Christmas. Yes!
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00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,159
Ooh, which reminds me,
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00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,799
got to add something to the board.
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00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,559
Carole's coming?
Oh, no. No, Pat.
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00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,720
I... Not... not your wife.
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I meant a Christmas carol.
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I'd like to sing one.
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Maybe around the piano.
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00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,119
And your family can join in
if they want to.
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00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,039
Oh, ah, I don't reckon they will.
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00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,479
They're not really carol-y.
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00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,239
Well, we can ask.
They won't want to.
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00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,399
Ah, yeah, we can ask.
Yeah, they won't want to.
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Ah, they're here.
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Great, let's ask them.
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Yeah, they won't want to.
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Hi, Mum.
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There he is. My little prince.
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Ooh, oh, Mum.
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00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,239
Alison, may I say,
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00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,759
you've made a wonderful start
to the decorations this year.
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00:04:58,760 --> 00:04:59,919
Oh, thank you.
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It will look even better once
the tree goes up.
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What? We've...
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We've had this up
for, like, two weeks.
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That? Yeah. No, no, no,
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that is a bush.
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I mean a real tree.
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So strong, crushing my bones.
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Leila.
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Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas.
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Oh, Alison, merry Christmas.
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Mum, I can't breathe.
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Hi, Alison.
Angela! Oh, look! Hiya!
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Hello, Nancy.
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Oh, a baby!
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00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,639
Oh! It looked at me!
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00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,879
Oh, yes, yes, babies do sees us
sometimes,
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till they be walkers usually.
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00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,839
Oh, this one has the sight, yeah.
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I'm going a bit crazy.
She just won't sleep.
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Oh, poor you. Come here.
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Mum, what's Dad doing?
I told him not to bring anything.
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Oh, it's just a few side dishes,
sweetie.
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Beef? I've got beef.
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Beef isn't a side.
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A side of beef is.
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Thought we'd put you in here.
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Hello! Nobody told me I was hosting.
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Argh, baby!
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Hey, now!
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00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,119
Oh, my God, you could get lost
in this place.
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00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,719
Why's she bringing that in here?
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00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,199
Yeah, Mike actually still does.
142
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,439
No, no. Room rules. No babies.
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No way, Jose.
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This is a non-baby enclave. This is
the perfect room for the baby
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because it's the warmest room
in the house. I know it's warm!
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00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,799
I wear no trousers. I'm sorry.
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00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,399
Thanks, Aly, you're a star.
This is a baby-free...
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Shut up. Hmm?
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00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,519
Oh, shut up, I'm not a star!
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00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,399
I'm just doing what anyone
else would do.
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00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,159
I just really hope
you get some rest.
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We've tried everything
to help her sleep.
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I'm doing self-soothing now.
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00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,759
You just have to leave them
to cry for a bit. What?
155
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,519
Must be extra hard without Steve.
156
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,799
Well, I'm used to it.
He's got to work.
157
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,879
Oh, yeah, working on
his hangover more like.
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00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,719
Been there, seen that,
got a T-shirt, love.
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00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,040
You know what it's like for
paramedics this time of year.
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00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,160
But you... You've left the baby!
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What, now? I told you,
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00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,600
I'm in Brussels, darling.
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00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,839
Baby's still in the
crying phase, is it?
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00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:11,680
I'm just, er, you know,
at a restaurant.
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00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,439
Well, I'm having some
delicious moules-frites.
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00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,639
What are you drinking?
A crisp Sancerre.
167
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,079
What is this? Question Time?
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Look, I know, darling.
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00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,439
I'm sorry to be missing
Christmas again too,
170
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,999
but I promise you,
once I've signed this treaty,
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00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,599
you'll never have to hear the words
"European Union" ever again.
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00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,559
Sorry, darling, I can't hear
you over that baby crying.
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00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,880
What did you say?
The crying baby!
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00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:37,520
Help!
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00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,880
Somebody help me!
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00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,839
You brought your own sponges?
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00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,199
Since when did you clean up
after yourself?
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Since I became a grown man.
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00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,879
What is it? Oh, my... Dad.
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00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,759
How are you washing cups?
There were no dirty cups.
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00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,319
There were in the cupboard.
Mike. Have you got a pen?
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00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,199
I just need to put
"Mike loses his temper"
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00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,759
in between lunch and pudding.
Nah, nah, nah, move, man.
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00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,519
The bullet board is for me only,
nobody else to... Mum!
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00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,119
The sprouts are peeled. Stop.
Just a few more layers, darling.
186
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,919
Right, everyone... out.
187
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,679
Come, let's go! You first,
out of the kitchen.
188
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,399
Please, Mum, apron.
All right, all right.
189
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,959
Dad, put the sponge down.
Let's go. Come on. OK. Thank you.
190
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,199
All right. See you later. Bye. Just
trying to help my little prince.
191
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,400
Oh, my days.
192
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,159
That's better. Oh!
I hope you don't mind, Alison.
193
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,880
Just in case you're hiding
any handsome men in the house.
194
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,519
You'd be lucky.
195
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,159
The sauce of it!
196
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,399
Come along, Patrick.
197
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,360
Right, what do you reckon,
Christmas pudding or yule log?
198
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,399
Where's Mike?
Oh, he's trying not to burn stuff.
199
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,359
Is he doing the Incredible Sulk yet?
200
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,959
No, but I reckon he's going to go
early this year.
201
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,879
You still got that one
from last year?
202
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,679
Are you kidding? I made a remix.
Look, check it out.
203
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,919
I don't want to wear
a stupid elf costume!
204
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,080
I look like a lime!
205
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,279
I'm not going to wear it, no.
206
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,599
Mike's stupid, isn't he?
207
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,359
Guys, I told you to relax.
Dad, I was going to do the fire.
208
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,679
Here he comes, girls.
Silly lime man.
209
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,240
OK. Thank you.
210
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,999
Sorry, still gets me.
211
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,359
Hey, Mike. I was thinking,
212
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,799
wouldn't it be nice to get a bigger
Christmas tree up in the house?
213
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,479
It was tradition in Button House...
214
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,919
...to chop a tree down
from the grounds
215
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:29,959
and bring it in...
216
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,160
...on Christmas Eve.
217
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,280
Right.
218
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:37,959
Oh. Yeah.
219
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,879
Sure, I could do with
some fresh air.
220
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,479
Oh, I could do that for you.
No... No, you sit.
221
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:43,520
Sit.
222
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,200
Stay.
223
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,839
Me good boy.
224
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,999
Why can't they relax?
225
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,839
And I seem to remember we planted
at least 50 saplings,
226
00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,920
so they should have matured
quite nicely by now...
227
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,119
You've got to be kidding me!
228
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,319
Well, it has been quite some time.
229
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,759
Better get cracking, mate.
It's not going to chop itself down.
230
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,360
Now, Michael, with a shaft of this
girth, the trick is firm blows.
231
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,079
Oh, good Lord! Who goes there?
Show yourself!
232
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,639
A dragon!
233
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,280
Everybody, get behind Michael.
234
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,800
Don't let it eat me!
235
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,359
Don't mind, do you?
I thought it'd be quicker.
236
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,959
Where'd you get that?
237
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,160
The car.
238
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,319
I've got something to cheer you up.
239
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,599
Coochie, coochie, coo.
240
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,199
Peekaboo!
Stop crying. Shush now.
241
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,639
This is supposed to be fun.
242
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,519
I'm here. Oh!
243
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,119
Mary, there you are.
I need your help.
244
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,919
You're a nanny, or you look
like a nanny,
245
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,119
or you're a woman.
I don't know. Er, do something.
246
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,439
Oh, you just want your nyilkies.
247
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,399
Her what now? His nyilkies.
248
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,159
Oh, good God. Oh, good God, no.
249
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,279
C'mon on then, it's only mil...
250
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,999
A false teat? Oh, she be a quack.
251
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,919
No, Mary. Come back.
252
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,280
Mary, don't leave me!
253
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,399
Ow, it's on my foot, Dad.
Leave some of that work to me.
254
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,519
Yes, all right, let go, let go.
Got it.
255
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:16,479
Oh, yeah, tree in living room.
Oh, that make sense.
256
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,519
Looks good? Oh, no, that won't do.
257
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,559
It could do with
a bit of cheering up.
258
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,519
There should be some decorations
in the attic.
259
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,559
I think there might be some
traditional decorations
260
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,319
up in the attic. I can do that.
No, Dad. Please.
261
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,839
It's no problem.
It's fine. I'll do it.
262
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,200
Just please go and relax
with Mum by the fire...
263
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,639
Where's Mum?
264
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,959
She said she should be doing
something useful,
265
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,599
so I said Mike's got tonnes
of ironing that needs doing.
266
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,439
Oh, not again! My tracksuits.
267
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,559
Right, that is it,
I need everyone to...
268
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:46,160
Christmas has come early,
the Incredible Sulk is here.
269
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,639
No... No. No...
270
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,920
No, he's not, actually,
cos he's not coming this year, so...
271
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,919
I was just thinking, that, uh,
it's a busy day tomorrow,
272
00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,559
so if everyone would like
to go to bed,
273
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:02,079
I think that would be a good idea.
274
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,199
Please.
275
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,039
We're going to bed, aren't we,
Alison? Oh, yeah, OK.
276
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,039
Yeah? Oh, OK, yeah. Mm. Yeah.
277
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,959
Going to bed. Yeah.
278
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,359
Ah... Kitty's going to bed too.
279
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,719
Might grab an early night.
Excellent.
280
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,279
I might just stay here.
281
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,720
What about the tree?
What about the tree?
282
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,199
Twas the night before Christmas,
283
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,679
when all through the house...
284
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,079
Goodnight, guys.
Sleep well. See you in the morning.
285
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,519
...not a creature was stirring,
286
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,399
not even a mouse.
287
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,919
Where is my bedroom?
288
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,119
The stockings were hung
by the chimney with care
289
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,599
in the hopes that Saint N...
I think... That's lovely, Thomas,
290
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,839
but I think I'm going
to get some sleep now. OK.
291
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,439
I'll see you tomorrow.
292
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:45,520
You certainly will.
293
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,439
Tomorrow.
294
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,239
Yes, I will.
295
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,120
Tomorrow. Oh, you will.
296
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,480
Tomorrow.
297
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,079
OK.
298
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,159
Is it Christmas yet?
299
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,599
No... Is it Christmas yet?
Kitty, go to sleep.
300
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,840
Somewhere else or there won't be
a present tomorrow.
301
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,159
Ghost stuff? Yep.
302
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,479
Coping though. How are you doing?
303
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,839
They are unbelievable.
304
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,359
I'm a grown man but they still treat
me like I'm nine for no reason.
305
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,439
What's that? Oh, that'll be my mum
306
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,679
with my pillowcase full of pants
and deodorant.
307
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,039
She's not coming in here, is she?
308
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,879
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pretend to be asleep.
309
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,080
Oh, my God,
she's actually coming in.
310
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,719
Wow.
311
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:43,479
Yes! Get in. Love these. That's
where you get your horrible pants.
312
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,040
What? Autumn Blast?
They know I'm an Arctic Forest guy.
313
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,320
Is it Christmas yet? No. Oh...
314
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,799
I can't cope any more.
315
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:02,199
You can't cope?! It's all right
for you. You wanted this... room.
316
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,159
I didn't ask for any of this.
I had this thrust upon me.
317
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:06,840
I know, darling, I know.
318
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,360
She's stopped.
319
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,520
Put her down.
320
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:21,999
Gently.
321
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,599
That's it.
322
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,880
Gently...
323
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,600
Back away, yeah.
324
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,039
That's it. I'm done.
325
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,080
I'm taking the Jag for a drive.
326
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,160
Well, a happy Christmas to me.
327
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,319
I am literally in the fridge.
328
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,959
How can I still hear it?
329
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,520
Argh!
330
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,639
No, I won't be there,
I'm afraid, darling,
331
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,759
far too busy in Brussels.
332
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,919
Shut up!
333
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,159
I know it's Christmas, darling,
334
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:59,959
but these oil deals don't do
themselves, you know?
335
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,799
Do you think I want to spend
Christmas
336
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,000
at Colonel Gaddafi's palace?
337
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,280
Family! Family! Family!
338
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,119
It's Christmaaaaaaas!
339
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,239
Like that? Yeah! Just like that.
340
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,759
It was amazing.
341
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,039
Happy Christmas, everyone.
Happy Christmas.
342
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,999
Oh, champagne! Lord of the manor,
yeah? Nice creases.
343
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,999
Don't. Come on, darling.
344
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,199
Merry Kissmas, everyone.
Christmas!
345
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,440
Happy Christmas.
346
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,119
Ooh, carols.
347
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,239
I was going to say actually.
Oh, I know right, boring.
348
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,879
That's better.
Carols are so mournful, aren't they?
349
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,199
Yeah.
350
00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,719
Merry Christmas, everyone.
351
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,599
Merry Christmas. Did you sleep?
352
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,759
Ha! Who needs sleep? It's Christmas.
353
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,719
Oh, it made it till morning.
354
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,239
That's nice, most surprising
is that.
355
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,559
Right then. Presents.
356
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,679
Oh! Now, what could this be?
357
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,199
I bet it's socks.
358
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,919
I bet it sucks.
359
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,039
Hey-hey! Ah, well done, Patrick.
360
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,159
I love them.
He not love them. He hate them.
361
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,279
Mike, I'm just going to... You know.
362
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,399
Oh, sure, go. I got this.
363
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,320
Oh, it's the gifts! The gifts!
364
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,199
No, no, no, please, wait.
365
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,639
Alison... Stand aside, Thorne!
366
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,319
Alison.
367
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,039
It's all right, I can wait.
368
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,320
Mike. Your big one from us.
369
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,439
You're kidding.
370
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,879
Merry Christmas, Kitty.
371
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,839
I love it!
372
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,799
I thought it looked like
Button House. It does.
373
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,679
It's lovely, thank you.
374
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,359
Now, I know that you can't touch it,
but basically...
375
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,280
Oh, my God...
376
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,479
It's Twister.Yeah.
377
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,839
It's Twister!
378
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,519
Oh, it's amazing, Alison, thank you.
379
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,119
Oh, you guys are going to love this.
380
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,439
It's SO funny!
381
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,559
Now lay it out flat, else
you're going to break your ankles.
382
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,839
Hi, Thomas. Oh, Alison.
383
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,719
Gah, damnation.
384
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,359
Oh, Aly, look - do you like
what we got Mike?
385
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,079
So good.
386
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,199
You look great.
387
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,359
I look ridiculous. I hate it.
388
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,399
Finally, someone tell the truth.
389
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,480
He look like a dumb animal.
390
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,519
Well done, Kitty. Now...
391
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,319
...Mary...
392
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,560
...left foot green.
393
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,999
Captain, do you want to join in?
394
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,959
No, no, I couldn't possibly.
395
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,559
It's Christmas. No, no, no, no, no.
396
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,999
Oh, come on, Cap! No, no,
397
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,519
oh, OK, all right, I will.
Where do we go?
398
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,599
Left hand... Right. ...red.
399
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,879
Right. Coming in.
400
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,239
Look at that,
supple as the day I died.
401
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,719
How about you, Thomas?
402
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,279
I'm occupied, thank you.
403
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,999
No, he doesn't have the physical
discipline for Twist-it.
404
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,519
He's afraid he'll lose.
405
00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,679
Balderdash!
406
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:03,639
I'd thrash you all at Twist-it
then run a mile. Oh! You will?
407
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,839
Fine, fine, fine. I'll prove it.
408
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,919
Yay! Ha-ha ha!
409
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,480
Pass the sprouts, darling.
Beef's nearly done.
410
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,479
Where's Mum and Dad now? Kitchen.
411
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,239
Oh, what are they doing?
412
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,759
Let's try to put you down.
413
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,639
Wish me luck, everyone.
Good luck.
414
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:29,399
Ah, Alison. Did you see if the
decorations were in the attic?
415
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,360
Oh, sorry, I forgot.
416
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,839
Let me just see to that.
417
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,800
Right. No, no, that's fine.
418
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,079
What's all this racket, guys?
You're supposed to be having fun.
419
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,599
That's what I said.
420
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,479
Alison! They're taking it
too seriously, Alison.
421
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,119
They're not even letting the girls
play. Come off it, Pat.
422
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,319
No, you come off it!
It's not bloody on.
423
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,799
Pat? No, I've had enough.
424
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,719
Alison... I'm going to the shed
to drink a Watney's.
425
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,399
I'm not.
Twister's going well then?
426
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,959
Yes, I've got him on the run. It's
nearly time for the King's speech.
427
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,319
THOMAS, MUFFLED: Alison!
428
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,119
I've just got to get some
decorations. No!
429
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,679
I'll meet you up there.
Roger that. No.
430
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,319
Victory this day.
431
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,719
Alison... Completely razzled.
432
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:12,840
Too late.
433
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:22,679
Oh, you've got to be joking.
I'd just dropped off.
434
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,599
This baby just will not sleep.
435
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,319
That's it. You're driving us both
bloody batty, do you know that?
436
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,599
I mean, what a business!
Are you hungry?
437
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,319
Oh, she doesn't know what she wants,
Angela. She's a moaning Minnie.
438
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,719
That's what she is.
439
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,039
"Oh, I done a poo.
Oh, I need my nappy changing.
440
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,839
"Oh, I can't do it myself."
Oh, really?
441
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,839
Oh, how very convenient.
442
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,599
You know, you're acting like a
complete baby, do you know that?
443
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,120
I mean, well, you are a baby,
but that's not the point.
444
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,199
You've stopped crying. Um...
445
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,319
OK.
446
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:56,519
What was it?
Was it the parliament point?
447
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,879
No? Um...
448
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,319
Was it the Newsnight thumbs?
449
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,320
It was? Do you like the Newsnight
thumbs, little one?
450
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,239
Well, I never. Angela...
451
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,159
No, no. Shh!
452
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,519
Let Mummy sleep.
453
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:11,999
She needs her rest.
454
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,679
Here's the thumbs again.
455
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,920
"Hello, my name's Thumby."
456
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:20,399
"Hello, my name's... Er...
457
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,879
"..Bummy."
458
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,519
It's the Thumby And Bummy Show.
459
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,199
Let's tell you a story.
460
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,759
The story of the politician
461
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,960
who cared too much.
462
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,479
Once upon a time, little one,
463
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,839
there was a man who wasn't afraid
to speak his mind,
464
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,759
even when the PC brigade
came marching in...
465
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,199
Oh, I can't believe
I found the decorations. Ah!
466
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,359
I appreciate this, Alison.
467
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:50,319
The monarch is our bellwether,
the nation's barometer, if you will.
468
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,399
It is vital we listen to what
they have to say at Christmas.
469
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,199
Hello, what's... What's going on?
470
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,199
I thought you were going
to turn on the wireless.
471
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,679
Oh, no, it's all televised now.
472
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,479
If you had said to me...
473
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,039
Good Lord! No, no, wait, wait, wait.
474
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,119
No, it's like I'm in her
actual drawing room.
475
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,839
I thought this was what you wanted.
476
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,319
Well, yes. But no!
I mean, this is unseemly.
477
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:11,839
I can see her posy.
478
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,279
No, no, no, this is very
inappropriate, Alison.
479
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,239
An officer and a gentleman should
not be privy to the colour
480
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,239
and thickness of the
Queen's curtains.
481
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,440
I can't look.
482
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,999
Alison, at last.
483
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,279
Is it time?
484
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,160
Yes. It is time.
485
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,559
I just hope it lives up
to expectations.
486
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:35,840
I'm sure it will.
487
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,919
What? No!
488
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,760
Take it down. Take it down!
489
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,319
OK, everyone, Christmas dinner
is served.
490
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:52,959
Ah, she's up.
491
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,359
Oh, my God,
that's what sleep feels like.
492
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:56,879
Are you bringing Nancy down?
493
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,439
Well, now she starts to cry if I try
and take her OUT of the room.
494
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,799
Babies - nuts. Who's for beef?
495
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,639
Dad, I'm carving.
496
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,199
All right, serve yourselves,
everyone.
497
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,279
This looks great, Mum.
498
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,919
Thanks, Mum.
This looks great, thank you.
499
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:12,959
These sprouts look good, Mike.
500
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,599
Nothing to do with me.
Yeah, that was Mum as well.
501
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,400
Did you do any of this, Mike?
502
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,439
OK...
503
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,319
You know what?
I won't bother ever again. OK?
504
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,079
Yeah, film it, film it.
OK, film it, yeah.
505
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,679
You treat me like a kid,
I'll act like one.
506
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,000
Why is that...?
507
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,919
I just wanted to be
in charge for once, OK,
508
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,599
so that you guys can relax. Yeah?
509
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,279
Oh, good luck, Mike, cos Dad's
in the woods chopping trees down.
510
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:47,359
Your mum's ironing your tracksuits,
carving the beef that you brought.
511
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,679
That's not a side dish!
It's not a side.
512
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,119
Whoa, this year's a classic.
513
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,479
Yeah, make the most of it.
Yeah, make the most of it,
514
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:57,799
because this is the last time I try
and do anything for you ever again.
515
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,319
OK? Yeah?
516
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,279
It's just that it might not...
517
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,119
Michael!
518
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:04,719
Great, yeah, I'll be in my room.
519
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,799
Ladies and gentlemen,
520
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,119
that was the Incredible Sulk.
521
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,879
Um, I'll just get... It's OK.
522
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,200
I better go.
523
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,399
You two are so awful to him.
524
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,880
What?! Honestly,
he brings it on himself.
525
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,439
I could see absolutely everything.
526
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,799
It was an intrusion.
I mean, what's next?
527
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,079
Taking pictures of them on holiday,
I should imagine.
528
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,119
The world's gone mad. Well, at least
you got your Christmas wishes.
529
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,079
Yes, I don't even know why
I bothered asking.
530
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,399
It was never going to be the same.
531
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,759
I actually quite liked my present,
532
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,039
but I suppose it's a shame that
I can't really do anything with it.
533
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,559
It's all holly-tinted spectacles,
Kitty.
534
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,559
You think it's fun but it's not.
535
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,759
The games always ended up
with the boys arguing
536
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,479
and me drinking Watney's
in the shed.
537
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,999
Oh, let's face it,
family Christmases suck eggs.
538
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,240
It's supposed to suck eggs, Pat.
539
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,039
I had a daughter, you know.
540
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,639
She was only four years old
when I died,
541
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,480
yet I managed to miss every single
Christmas with her.
542
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,999
I missed them all.
543
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:14,319
Missed the crying, the screaming,
the sleepless nights.
544
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,759
I thought I was so clever
avoiding all that,
545
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,159
but now I realise...
546
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,279
...it's all part of it.
547
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,239
Your family are supposed to drive
you bonkers at Christmas.
548
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,559
The tree's never straight.
549
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,279
The parlour games are never
as hilarious as they were last year.
550
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,199
Someone always gives you
a duff present.
551
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,599
You always end up kissing the wrong
person under the mistletoe.
552
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,279
Ha! Been there a few times,
I can tell you.
553
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,479
But that's the point.
554
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,119
Christmas isn't supposed
to be perfect.
555
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:42,640
That's what makes the whole thing
so bloody Christmassy, isn't it?
556
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:49,080
So let's not get too down on the
old family Christmas just yet, eh?
557
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,919
Maybe we should just feel grateful
558
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,400
that we're having one at all.
559
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,560
I never even knew
what I was missing.
560
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:04,840
Family, family, family.
561
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,039
Hello, my baby.
562
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,439
You've been so good.
563
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,959
Thank you, my darling.
564
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,679
You're welcome, my darling.
She's done a poo, I think.
565
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,399
And she'll be needing her nyilkies
round about now.
566
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:20,800
No, thank you, Mary.
567
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:37,960
There you are.
568
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,200
Can I let you into
a little secret, son?
569
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:53,039
The reason why old mums and dads
like us want to do everything
570
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,600
is because we like it.
571
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,760
And maybe it's a bit because,
I don't know...
572
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,200
...we're scared.
573
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,439
Scared of what?
574
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,440
For the day we can't do it any more.
575
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,479
You know what?
576
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,360
There is one thing
you can do for me.
577
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:31,519
♪ In the bleak midwinter
578
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:37,119
♪ Frosty wind made moan
579
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:42,599
♪ Earth stood hard as iron
580
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:47,959
♪ Water like a stone
581
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:53,679
♪ Snow had fallen Snow on snow
582
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,920
♪ Snow on snow
583
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:04,839
♪ In the bleak midwinter
584
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,920
♪ Long ago
585
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:15,719
♪ In the bleak midwinter
586
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:20,840
♪ Long ago. ♪
587
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,359
Wow.
588
00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,040
She really loves carols.
589
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:45,439
I'm not sure about this, Pat.
590
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,919
What if my daughter
was so traumatised by my death
591
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,719
she became something dreadful
like a drug addict
592
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,200
or an alternative comedian?
593
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,279
It's better to know, mate.
594
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,120
Trust me. OK.
595
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,639
Oh, she became an MP!
596
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,199
Pat, look.
597
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,239
She followed
in her old man's footsteps.
598
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,839
Ho-ho, and she looks like
she means business.
599
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,399
Yeah.
600
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,960
What's the Green Party?
601
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,039
Ah, well.
602
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,400
Nobody's perfect.
603
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,960
Oh, I didn't know it did that!
604
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:38,840
Christmas, eh?
605
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,600
Suppose it might catch on.
44172
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