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[instrumental music]
2
00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:04,505
Good evening and welcome
3
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:07,641
to the Alzheimer's Fund
Bachelor Auction.
4
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,310
The first bachelor is...me.
5
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:14,715
Do I hear a billion dollars?
6
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,217
[chuckles]
How about a billion
kisses, baby?
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00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,520
Anyone else?
8
00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:23,189
I'm a lot of man!
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Come on, lot of man.
Mm, mwah.
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00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:30,396
‐ Here you go.
‐ Ah! Thank you, Clarence.
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00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,465
My pleasure.
12
00:00:32,498 --> 00:00:35,201
Look, um, I know you're busy
with the restaurant
13
00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:38,304
but, um, if you ever feel
like puttin' the spatula down
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00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:42,075
for tonight,
I'd love to take you out.
15
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:45,245
Oh, thank you, but I kinda
got my eye on someone else.
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[chuckles]
Uh‐uh. Shh!
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00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:52,152
Anybody can wear a suit.
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00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,354
But it takes a man..
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00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,322
...to wear some shorts.
20
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,694
Look here,
if your eye ever decides
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00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,862
to look somewhere else..
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‐ Okay. Yeah.
‐ Alright?
23
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:07,200
[both chuckle]
24
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:10,403
Neesee, why is my picture
on the cover of this program?
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00:01:10,436 --> 00:01:12,539
Oh, because some people think
you're a local celebrity
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00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,741
and you might actually
bring in some money.
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00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,877
Look, Neesee, if you need
a donation, I will give you one.
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00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,613
But I am not gonna auction
myself off to some stranger.
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But you already said yes.
30
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:22,683
Now if you think you're gonna
back out of this
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00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:25,385
you must be.. Hi! Hi.
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Dr. Bennett! Yes!
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You know, thank you again
for doin' this.
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00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,891
Anything for charity.
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00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,859
Oh! We'll see about that.
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00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:41,234
‐ What?
‐ "Hi, Dr. Bennett."
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00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:45,405
Need some wet wipes?
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Right! Where them dollars at?
Where them dollars at?
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‐ Where them dollars at?
‐ Ah, ah, ah. Hey, hey, hey.
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00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,514
Button up, okay?
I'm tryin' to make some money.
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00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,148
Please, I'm about
to bring in enough paper
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to kill Alzheimer's,
jungle fever
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and gingivitis.
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00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:02,856
Hey, look, Dirk. Good luck
with that. I'mma bow.
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Uh, okay, okay, okay, Robert.
Oh, bye, buh‐bye!
46
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:08,729
‐ What you up to, Neesee?
‐ Huh? Who me? Nothin'.
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‐ I'm serious.
‐ Yeah, I know.
48
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:21,341
Stop playin', Neesee.
49
00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:23,577
Ladies and gentlemen, our first
bachelor, Robert James!
50
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,879
[applause]
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00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,552
♪ Hey ♪
♪ And even though ♪
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00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,254
♪ We're stressed sometimes ♪
♪ It's all of us now ♪
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00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:38,725
♪ Here we go ♪
♪ Here we go ♪♪♪
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00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:43,830
Come on up, Robert.
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00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:47,233
‐ Let's get the bidding started.
‐ Alright, alright..
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00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,969
Hey! Excuse me.
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00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,738
Oh! Hey, dude.
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00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,373
Look, Neesee, if you want me
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00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:54,407
to do this,
you're gonna have to buy me.
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00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,942
Oh! No, honey.
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00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,844
I've had you for free
and you're not that exciting.
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00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,212
Alright, look.
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00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,847
I'll write the check.
Just buy me.
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00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,216
Let's start the bidding
at $500.
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00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,651
‐ Five hundred.
‐ One thousand.
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00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,986
‐ 'Yes, we have what? 2,000?'
‐ Two thousand.
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00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,654
Got to be fast, ladies.
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00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,726
‐ Uh, 2001.
‐ Two thousand and one.
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00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,629
Three thousand.
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Three thousand and one cent?
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Three thousand and one cent.
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00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,537
‐ Four thousand.
‐ $4000.
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00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,639
‐ Oh!
‐ Do I have five?
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00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,808
Four thousand going once,
going twice‐‐
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00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,242
Oh, ah, ah,
wait, wait, wait.
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00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:30,777
I think the hostess
wants to bid.
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00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,013
‐ Oh, no, I'm good.
‐ Sold!
78
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,717
You just bought yourself
a date with Robert James.
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00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:40,020
[giggling]
Oh, my God, it's you, it's you,
Robert James.
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00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,655
You're so great on TV,
but that's just for half
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00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,524
an hour a day. Now I've got you
for the whole night.
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00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:44,825
I wanna know everything about
you, I'm so looking forward
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00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,326
to this day. Oh, my gosh!
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00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:48,361
This is gonna be
the best night of my life. Ah!
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‐ Hi.
‐ Shh..
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‐ I'm Amanda.
‐ Excuse me.
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00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,003
‐ What the hell was that?
‐ What?
88
00:03:57,037 --> 00:04:00,006
Four thousand dollars, Robert.
That was way too much.
89
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,943
Our next bachelor,
is Dr. Austin Bennett.
90
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,445
‐ Oh, 4000.
‐ One second.
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00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,882
The chief of surgery
at Westside Hospital
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00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,752
and a former swimsuit model.
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00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,520
We'll start the bidding
at 500.
94
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,522
Four thousand.
95
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,658
Miss Nicole.
96
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,561
Don't even think about it.
Going once, going twice..
97
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,863
Bang your thing. Next bachelor.
98
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,966
Sold! Four thousand, it is!
99
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,935
[applause]
100
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:32,773
Next, we have TV funny man,
Dirk Block?
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00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:36,009
‐ Black, man.
‐ Black, man.
102
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,744
Start the bidding at two..
103
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,046
‐ Thousand..
‐ Hundred dollars.
104
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,618
‐ Do I hear 200?
‐ Five dollars.
105
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:48,889
‐ Okay! We have $5.
‐ Now, you can't take his bid.
106
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:51,792
He's a kid. He's playin' around.
Tell him, Bobby.
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00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,327
‐ 'Five dollars going once.'
‐ Come on, ladies.
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00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,363
‐ Don't be intimidated.
‐ Five dollars going twice.
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Bobby!
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Five dollars it is.
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He doesn't even have $5.
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Sold.
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[applause]
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♪ We're deeper in love ♪
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00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,348
♪ And I feel it ♪♪♪
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[laughing]
117
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,853
One week,
and Courtney's out of town.
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00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,788
My hot date
is with your son.
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00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,826
Dude! Nobody bid on you, man.
120
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:31,632
Hey, Robert, which shoe
looks better with my cast?
121
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,667
This one or this one?
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00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,702
Whichever one will get you
out the door.
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00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,371
Let me put it another way,
which one
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00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:39,973
don't you wanna get hit with?
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00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,942
Neesee, who cares, alright?
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These are not even real dates.
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00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,145
Real dates don't start
with somebody
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00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,913
handin' over a credit card,
alright?
129
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,015
This may not be a real date,
but it could be.
130
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,851
I'm layin' the groundwork.
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00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,519
Layin' the groundwork
for what, Neesee?
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00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:53,854
You don't even know this guy.
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00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,589
I know enough.
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00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:58,692
He's educated, successful,
athletic..
135
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,661
You know what? I don't know
why I'm talkin' to you.
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00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,796
Read the program,
it's all in there.
137
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,766
Whatever, Neesee.
He ain't as fresh as I'm is.
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00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,135
[helicopter whirring]
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00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,171
What the hell is that?
140
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,540
Oh, Neesee,
that might be your date
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00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,008
pickin' you up in a helicopter.
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00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,777
[laughing]
143
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,745
[doorbell dings]
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00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,616
[laughing]
145
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,585
[helicopter whirring]
146
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,088
Good evening, Ms. James.
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00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,090
‐ You look incredible.
‐ Thank you.
148
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,625
My apology for the noise.
149
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,927
My quieter helicopter
is in the shop, fellas.
150
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,732
[chuckles]
I thought we were goin'
for Chinese?
151
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:42,536
We are! My favorite spot
is in San Francisco.
152
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,638
[laughs]
153
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:45,939
Don't wait up.
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00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,010
Damn! Dude got a helicopter.
155
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,679
What're you doin'
with Mary Poppins?
156
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,648
I don't know, man. I think
we should go and catch a movie.
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00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:57,083
You mean to tell me
the best Robert James can do
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00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,886
is a movie,
a stale‐ass box of popcorn
159
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,723
and a hot dog
at the Magic Johnson Theater?
160
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,860
You know what? You're right.
161
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,530
I c‐can't let Nip‐Tuck
show me up.
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00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:11,932
I need to bring the heat!
163
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,467
‐ The fire!
‐ The James flame!
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00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,936
That's what I'm talkin' about.
165
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,539
My phone's in the car, man.
I'll be right back.
166
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:21,074
Dirk, you know you just
want to see the chopper.
167
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,578
Please!
Like I care about the chopper.
168
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,881
Look, it's takin' off!
Come here, it's takin' off!
169
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:31,718
♪ Something about you
makes me smile ♪♪♪
170
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,019
[knock on door]
171
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,857
Who are you?
172
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,224
It's my bodyguard. Ha‐ha‐ha.
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00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,760
Wassup? Wassup? Wassup?
174
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,261
‐ You ready to do this or what?
‐ I'm ready.
175
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,663
Oh, my God, I thought tonight
would never come.
176
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,264
But of course, it has.
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00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,932
And I didn't know what to wear,
'cause everything in my wardrobe
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00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,100
is just so bleh,
for a date Robert James‐‐
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00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,736
Shh..
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00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,705
Look, anybody could take you
out on a date.
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00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,741
I'm about to take you out
on an experience, alright?
182
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:58,044
‐ Give me your wrist.
‐ What is it?
183
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,013
Okay, this is to get you
in the VIP section
184
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,816
of Jamie Foxx's
listenin' party. What?
185
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,686
Where's yours?
186
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,153
[chuckles]
187
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,524
[laughs]
188
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,926
‐ Alright! Let's go.
‐ Actually, uh..
189
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,895
I was thinking
we could hang out first.
190
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,830
‐ Have a spot of tea.
‐ Oh, you know what?
191
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:18,932
Check this out. Alright?
192
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,802
Why don't
we have a spot of tea
193
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,805
bumpin' to new Nelly
in the heli, alright?
194
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,773
Twinkles.
195
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:35,716
♪ Oh oh ooh yeah ♪
♪ Ooh‐ooh ooh‐ooh ooh‐ooh ♪
196
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,751
♪ Oh oh ♪♪♪
197
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:41,087
Okay, here is the plan,
whacking gators, shooting games
198
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,056
driving games, fried stuff
199
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,158
and then we finish
with the ball pit.
200
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,160
Is this gonna be great or what?
201
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,029
Yeah, yeah, good call.
202
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,296
I love spendin' my Saturday
nights in a place
203
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,799
that smells like
diapers and cheese.
204
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,203
‐ Although..
‐ Come on, Uncle Dirk.
205
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,706
Let's go whack some gators
and win some prizes.
206
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,742
Oh, my eye is on a prize,
brother.
207
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,913
[automated message]
'I'm gonna get you.
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!'
208
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,315
'Ouch! Ouch!'
209
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,119
'You missed me! Ouch!'
210
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:16,923
‐ We can't let them bite us.
‐ Not unless you like that.
211
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,760
[automated message]
'Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!'
212
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,995
(Dirk)
Bro, let's get out of here
and play some real games.
213
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,299
‐ Dirk, you weren't even trying.
‐ Huh?
214
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,134
Forget it.
215
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,036
Bobby, what?
216
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,238
You didn't whack one gator!
217
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,808
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ Here's some quarters.
218
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,777
Call someone who cares.
219
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,854
♪ So many but then
I've got you in mind ♪♪♪
220
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:51,992
So, chief surgeon
at Westside Hospital. Hmm.
221
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,860
‐ Must be fun.
‐ Yeah.
222
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:55,228
The only tough part
is we keep gettin'
223
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,230
into rumbles
with the Eastside Hospital.
224
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,766
[laughs]
225
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,770
Ah, it's pretty cool.
Helpin' people, savin' lives.
226
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,972
But why talk about me when
I have such a beautiful woman
227
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,674
sittin' right across the table?
228
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,843
Oh, well, I'm always
gonna look like this
229
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,377
so you might as well
keep on talking.
230
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,046
Hm. Hm.
231
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,817
To us, Neesee.
232
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,819
Mm. I like that.
233
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,328
So, why hasn't anyone
snatched you up yet?
234
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,997
Well, it sounds a little
traditional, but I'm waitin'
235
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,066
to get married
and start a family.
236
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:36,102
I feel like that is the greatest
accomplishment a man can have.
237
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:39,706
Oh.. I think family
is the most important thing.
238
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,307
‐ Yes, it is!
‐ Yes.
239
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,443
I mean, of course, my work
keeps me pretty busy.
240
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,012
But luckily, kids, you know,
they don't need a father
241
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,114
until they're at least six.
242
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,951
By then, I'll be retired,
and I can be around full‐time.
243
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,855
[laughing]
244
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,792
Are you serious?
245
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:04,064
Absolutely! I mean, it is all
about bein' a good dad.
246
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,267
Cheers.
247
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,435
[chuckles]
248
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,409
[instrumental music]
249
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,984
♪ I will hold you down
yeah yeah ♪♪♪
250
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,852
Do you really think a baby
doesn't need his daddy
251
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,453
until he is six years old?
252
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,723
There have been plenty
of studies that show that
253
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,925
generic parental affection
can come from anywhere.
254
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,295
The real bonding doesn't occur
255
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,397
until the child
reaches pre‐latency.
256
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:41,167
[chuckles]
Wouldn't you wanna be there
for the birthdays?
257
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,938
Hmm. Well, that's a good point.
258
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,240
Yeah, I should be around
for birthdays.
259
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,711
That's an easy adjustment.
260
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,280
[cell phone ringing]
261
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,950
I'm in the middle
of a really important dinner.
262
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,419
Oh, really?
263
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:04,024
[indistinct chatter]
264
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:20,106
Nice shoes. I'm a shoe fan, too.
265
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,908
They were a gift
from my husband.
266
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,510
Oh, he has great taste.
267
00:12:23,544 --> 00:12:26,980
I'm sure his assistant
picked them out.
268
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:30,416
She knows I hate it when he's
stuck in the office all week.
269
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:33,887
‐ Well, that must be tough.
‐ C'est la vie.
270
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,422
That's what happens when
your husband's an attorney..
271
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:41,461
...or a ball player
or architect or..
272
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,429
I've been married a few times.
273
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:47,333
But I do have
a lot of nice shoes. Ha‐ha.
274
00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:53,473
Sorry about that. I promise,
no more interruptions.
275
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:57,310
‐ Now, where were we?
‐ Don't worry about it.
276
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,315
Sorry about that, Neesee.
277
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,552
I promise that is
the last interruption.
278
00:13:05,586 --> 00:13:07,053
Don't worry about it.
279
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,091
♪ Oh oh ♪♪♪
280
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,226
Bobby, don't make me
come in there.
281
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,963
Fine! I'm comin' in there.
282
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,338
I guess we know where that
diaper smell is coming from now.
283
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,042
So you paid
all that money into auction
284
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,310
just sitting here all night?
285
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,045
I thought you wanted
to play games.
286
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:35,215
I did. But I wanted
to play them with you.
287
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,118
‐ That's what we were doin'.
‐ No, it's not!
288
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,920
I was playing games
and you were looking
289
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,255
at the lady
in the cheetah pants.
290
00:13:43,624 --> 00:13:46,893
‐ That's what I do.
‐ But this was my night.
291
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,395
You weren't supposed to do that.
292
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,565
Deuce, for real,
what's goin' on?
293
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,301
Ever since Courtney
came into town
294
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,203
you don't wanna hangout
with me anymore.
295
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,573
‐ Sure, I do.
‐ No, you don't.
296
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,142
But I understand.
You're a dad now.
297
00:14:03,644 --> 00:14:05,478
Bobby, listen..
298
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,447
...I may have just become a dad
299
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,482
but I've always been
your godfather.
300
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:13,186
And your godfather
will always have time for you.
301
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:15,956
But what if you get
another daughter next week?
302
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,393
‐ I won't.
‐ Huh. You don't know that.
303
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,498
But even if I did,
you don't ever
304
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,668
have to spend $5
to hangout with me.
305
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:31,137
You just say, "Uncle Dirk,
I need some Dirky Dirk time!"
306
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,472
Say it!
307
00:14:32,506 --> 00:14:35,375
Uncle Dirk, I need some
Dirky Dirk time.
308
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,577
You got it!
309
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:38,211
Now, the word around the bayou
310
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:39,546
is there are some gators
over there
311
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:42,583
that need some whackin'.
What do you say to that?
312
00:14:42,616 --> 00:14:44,985
I say, it's time to turn
those gators into shoes!
313
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,452
That's right, let's go!
314
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:50,156
Since when do you hug?
315
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,291
I don't.
316
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:53,527
Let's go.
317
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:59,633
♪ We're living together
forever ♪
318
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,235
[laughing]
What did I tell you?
319
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,404
Was that Jamie Foxx party
hot or what?
320
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,107
Yeah, and crowded.
321
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,943
Nah! It was packed up
in that joint.
322
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,113
‐ That was lovely.
‐ You're welcome.
323
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,582
And you know what?
There's more. Okay?
324
00:15:15,616 --> 00:15:17,283
What kind of music do you like?
325
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,953
‐ Well, classical is nice!
‐ Bizz!
326
00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:23,123
‐ I'm right here, baby.
‐ Hit me with some.
327
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:27,127
Ah! Um!
That's classic, too.
328
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,428
[laughing]
329
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,997
‐ Whoo! You havin' fun now?
‐ What?
330
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,667
‐ Are you havin' fun now?
‐ Oh.
331
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,502
No, not really.
332
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,606
Yo! What's with you?
333
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,575
I mean, nights like this
are hard to come by.
334
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,143
This night wasn't about me.
335
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:46,246
It was about you
and your ego showing off.
336
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,114
The whole reason
I wanted this date
337
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,349
was to get to know you.
338
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:50,383
And you would know that
if you'd taken
339
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:51,618
the time to listen to me.
340
00:15:51,652 --> 00:15:53,987
‐ I listened!
‐ No! You didn't.
341
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:57,223
I said I wanted tea,
and you took me to some party.
342
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,025
I told you my wrist band
was too tight
343
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:02,228
and now I can hardly
feel my fingers.
344
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,598
You haven't listened
to a thing I said all night.
345
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,535
Sometimes a woman
just wants to be heard.
346
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,305
Goodnight, Robert.
347
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,781
I'm still gettin' paid, right?
348
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,649
Oh, yo, yo, yo, Bizz!
349
00:16:22,683 --> 00:16:26,286
‐ You like Dom P?
‐ No, I like cash.
350
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:30,256
Yeah, well, keep on spinning
351
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,658
'cause I got you
for another hour.
352
00:16:31,692 --> 00:16:32,993
Alright.
353
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,396
[upbeat music]
354
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:41,234
♪ Oh you and me ♪♪♪
355
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,203
[laughing]
356
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,708
It's not that funny, man.
357
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,178
Oh, hell! Yes, it is.
358
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,247
She paid $4000
to go out with you.
359
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,517
You paid six
trying to impress her.
360
00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:58,318
Don't tell me that's not funny.
361
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,257
Yo! I didn't hear
the helicopter.
362
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,425
What happened? It caught a flag?
363
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:07,728
[laughing]
364
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:11,397
Oh, I know, you not laughin'
Mr. Five‐Dollar Man.
365
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,167
Ahh!
366
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,269
Whoa, whoa, wait, Neesee,
Neesee, aren't you gonna tell us
367
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:18,404
how your date went?
368
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,074
No, I'm good. 'Cause y'all not
gonna listen anyway.
369
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,043
No, seriously. Come on.
370
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:32,686
Well, it was complicated.
He just seemed to be‐‐
371
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,655
[snoring]
372
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,624
Look, Neesee, forget about him.
373
00:17:37,658 --> 00:17:39,826
I'm listening, alright?
Go ahead.
374
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:42,228
Robert, if you start snorin',
I'm gonna sock you.
375
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,430
I know.
376
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,369
Well, what I was saying was..
377
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:51,672
I was..
378
00:17:51,705 --> 00:17:53,339
I don't know what I was saying.
379
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,342
You was saying
that he's complicated but he..
380
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,512
Yeah, right, right, right.
Right. Right.
381
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,180
He just seemed to be..
382
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,683
I don't know.
383
00:18:02,716 --> 00:18:05,185
This.. This wasn't
what I expected.
384
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,525
You know, why do I keep
gettin' this wrong?
385
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:14,160
I pick 'em right. Ugh!
386
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,796
That's easy.
387
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:18,364
You've been datin'
the same guy since college.
388
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,333
Go back to sleep, Dirk.
389
00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:23,870
The editor of the newspaper
390
00:18:23,904 --> 00:18:25,639
the captain
of the basketball team.
391
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,774
Now, it's just the doctor,
the lawyer..
392
00:18:28,709 --> 00:18:30,744
...TV guy.
393
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,747
Hey! Don't be
bringin' me in this.
394
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,881
You in this, man.
395
00:18:34,915 --> 00:18:36,382
You keep goin' from Robert
396
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,351
to Robert to Robert.
397
00:18:39,753 --> 00:18:41,688
That's deep, son.
398
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,630
I keep having nightmares
about alligators.
399
00:18:49,663 --> 00:18:52,332
Can someone come up
and read to me?
400
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,868
‐ I'll be up in a minute, son.
‐ No offence, dad.
401
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,704
But I kinda need
some Dirky Dirk time.
402
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,441
My man! You got it!
403
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,547
‐ I'm goin' to bed.
‐ Hey, look, Neesee, um..
404
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,682
I'm not sayin'
that Dirk had a point.
405
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,551
But if he did,
and I'm not saying that he did.
406
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:11,785
But let's just say he did.
407
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,555
Spill it out, Robert.
My foot is hurtin'.
408
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:18,525
Okay, Neese, you keep
drafting guys like me.
409
00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:20,894
We're Ball hawks. Okay?
410
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,829
Maybe you should start to draft
411
00:19:22,863 --> 00:19:25,365
other kinda players like..
412
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,200
...team players.
413
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,670
Guys that will be happy
playin' for Team Neesee.
414
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,574
Because..
415
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:36,910
...as hard as this is
for me to admit to you..
416
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,580
...you can't win a championship
with a guy like me.
417
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,289
But, hey..
418
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,824
...we made it deep
in the playoffs.
419
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,359
[chuckles]
Yeah.
420
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,328
But we got sweat.
421
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:02,669
‐ Thanks for listenin', Robert.
‐ Huh?
422
00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:05,639
I'mma choke you.
Can you hear me now? Huh?
423
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:06,773
Huh?
424
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,645
Bobby is so soft,
he keeps havin' nightmares
425
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:12,946
about alligators.
426
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,581
I told him it's just a game.
427
00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:15,716
Neesee?
428
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:17,918
[screaming]
429
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:19,820
[snarling]
430
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:21,321
Bobby!
431
00:20:24,825 --> 00:20:27,728
♪ You are just
not in my family ♪♪♪
432
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,333
[theme music]
31603
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