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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,500 *My eyes are gettin' weary* 2 00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:07,130 *My back is gettin' tight* 3 00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:08,800 *I'm sittin' here in traffic* 4 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,840 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 5 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:17,390 *But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 6 00:00:17,430 --> 00:00:21,310 *Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 7 00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:24,690 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 8 00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:29,070 *I will be drivin' home to you* 9 00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:37,120 Bad news. 10 00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:38,450 Yeah, if it's about being out of mini donuts, 11 00:00:38,490 --> 00:00:40,830 I'm aware, and I'm not happy. 12 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:43,290 No, you know how I'm supposed to show 13 00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:44,790 those model homes today? 14 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:49,170 I've been talking about it for the last 2 weeks 15 00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:52,670 so I can finally prove myself to Mr. Kaufman. 16 00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:56,720 My boss? 17 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:57,720 Okay... 18 00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,180 Anyway, I totally forgot. 19 00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:00,350 We're supposed to meet with Steve, 20 00:01:00,390 --> 00:01:03,180 our financial advisor. 21 00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:05,520 Do you ever listen to me when I talk? 22 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,810 Do you? You're really boring, I gotta tell you. 23 00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:11,480 Doug, I really need you to listen to me right now. 24 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,650 All right, I'll give it a whirl. Go. 25 00:01:15,650 --> 00:01:19,280 I need you to take our tax refund check 26 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:23,500 and sit with Steve and talk about investments. 27 00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:25,410 Wouldn't I be more useful doing something I'm good at, 28 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:30,750 like soda shopping or lying down? 29 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,750 Come on. I need you to take an interest 30 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,090 in our finances. 31 00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,510 Now, there's a bunch of investments here. 32 00:01:35,550 --> 00:01:36,970 I'm sure you can find something you can 33 00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:38,300 get excited about, okay? 34 00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:40,140 Tell Steve I'm sorry I couldn't make it. 35 00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,470 -Who's Steve? -Our financial guy. 36 00:01:42,510 --> 00:01:45,140 I'm kidding. I'm joking around. 37 00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:46,560 You weren't joking, were you? 38 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,480 No, I wasn't. 39 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,360 [**] 40 00:01:55,610 --> 00:01:56,740 Oh, I'm sorry. 41 00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:58,570 I'm supposed to be showing a model home. 42 00:01:58,610 --> 00:02:00,370 No, this is it. Come on in. 43 00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:02,580 The kids and I are just watching The 40-year-old Virgin. 44 00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:04,910 -[BANDAGE RIPS; CHARACTER SCREAMS] -[KIDS LAUGH] 45 00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,790 It's raunchy, but doggone, 46 00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:08,960 it sure is funny. 47 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,750 Carrie, good, you're here. 48 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,670 Uh, Mr. Kaufman. 49 00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:15,130 Who are these people? 50 00:02:15,170 --> 00:02:18,380 They're professional actors pretending to be a family. 51 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,140 Oh, okay. 52 00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:23,180 Well, question answered. 53 00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:24,680 It's called home staging. 54 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,350 When potential buyers see a family living in the house, 55 00:02:27,390 --> 00:02:30,400 it helps them envision themselves living here. 56 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,810 I gotta tell you, this sounds like 57 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,900 a super weird idea. 58 00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:36,320 It was mine. 59 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,360 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 60 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,650 Oh, excuse me, Carrie. 61 00:02:40,530 --> 00:02:41,740 Hello. 62 00:02:41,780 --> 00:02:43,740 Oh, damn it! 63 00:02:44,660 --> 00:02:47,160 All right. I'll take care of it. 64 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,660 It's bad news. 65 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:52,040 Our mom isn't showing up. She just booked aC.S.I. 66 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,170 All right. Well, single dad. Nothing wrong with that. 67 00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:56,760 Nothing wrong with the breakdown 68 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,300 of the American family? 69 00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:03,010 You know, we are really not here today, are we? 70 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,930 Carrie... 71 00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:06,140 you've gotta be the mom. 72 00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:07,430 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 73 00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:08,520 I am much better at selling. 74 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,560 Besides, I am way too young 75 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,520 to be playing someone with kids that age. 76 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,780 I think you can get away with it. 77 00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:28,200 Wealth building annuities. 78 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,540 That's stupid. 79 00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:34,380 [ICE CREAM TRUCK CHIME MUSIC PLAYING] 80 00:03:46,470 --> 00:03:47,810 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. 81 00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:49,470 -What are you doing? -He's saving my place. 82 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,140 Hey, no back cutsies. Everybody knows that. 83 00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:54,230 Believe this guy? 84 00:03:54,270 --> 00:03:55,270 Unbelievable. 85 00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:56,400 Yeah. 86 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,150 Yeah, can I get an Eskimo Pie 87 00:03:58,190 --> 00:04:00,360 and an Orange Push Pop? 88 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,110 I like the Push Pop. 89 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:04,570 You gotta work to get it. 90 00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:05,910 A lot of people don't want to put in the time, 91 00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:07,120 but not this guy. 92 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,620 Hurray for you. That's 2.50. 93 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:13,250 You really, uh, you really selling this truck? 94 00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:16,840 Sure am. My name's Cal. 95 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,710 Would you, uh... 96 00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:21,630 Would you say this is a, uh... 97 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,590 a good investment? 98 00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:27,850 Good enough to buy me a condo in Florida. 99 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:29,930 Huh. 100 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,480 [ENGINE REVVING] 101 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:39,520 [ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING] 102 00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,530 Come on. I had a really hard day. 103 00:04:41,570 --> 00:04:43,860 Just keep your eyes closed. Come on. 104 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,660 All right, get ready. 105 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:46,870 Okay. 106 00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:50,660 And open 'em. Ta-da! 107 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,460 Please tell me there's an ice cream man 108 00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:59,210 using our bathroom. 109 00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:00,460 Oh, there's an ice cream man, 110 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,460 but he's not using our bathroom. 111 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,220 He's standing right here. 112 00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,430 Where I am. What I'm saying, 113 00:05:07,470 --> 00:05:09,890 I'm the ice cream man. I am. 114 00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:11,350 What? 115 00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:14,310 I took our refund check and I bought this truck. 116 00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:16,640 Doug, you threw away $3,000. 117 00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:18,150 You told me to invest in something 118 00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,230 I'd be excited about. 119 00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:20,690 Well, guess what? I'm excited! 120 00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:22,690 Yeah, I bet you are excited. 121 00:05:22,730 --> 00:05:25,360 How much of it did you eat already? 122 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,820 None, okay? 123 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,370 That's rule one in the ice cream game. 124 00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,740 You don't get high on your own supply. 125 00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,830 Oh, my God. I think it's really gonna happen. 126 00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,790 I'm actually gonna kill you this time. 127 00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:39,790 Would you stop? 128 00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:41,420 I thought this out, believe me. 129 00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:43,510 I get done with my I.P.S. route at 4:00, 130 00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:46,170 and then I hit the streets in this bad boy. 131 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,930 You don't know anything about the ice cream business. 132 00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:51,100 I'm on top of it. I looked at his books. 133 00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:54,390 I saw his profit margin. Huh? 134 00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:55,930 I got a list of all his suppliers. 135 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,140 It's gonna work. 136 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,600 -Really? -Yes. 137 00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,980 Carrie, I'm telling you, you're gonna be proud of me. 138 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,770 I swear. 139 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,070 I don't know, maybe... maybe this could be your thing. 140 00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,440 This is definitely my thing. 141 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,570 Now, come on. Let's ride this truck 142 00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:10,570 to an early retirement, huh? 143 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,280 Ha ha ha ha ha! 144 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,410 And you wanted to marry a doctor. 145 00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:16,120 [BELLS JINGLE] 146 00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:26,590 Hey, who wants to play a board game? 147 00:06:26,630 --> 00:06:27,590 I do, Daddy. 148 00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:29,720 Sounds great. 149 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,470 How about you, honey? 150 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,260 I'm okay. Thanks. 151 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,060 All right. You guys pick out a game. 152 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:39,020 I'm gonna make us some popcorn. 153 00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:40,850 Okay. 154 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,440 Uh, you know, Carrie, 155 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,690 we were hired to act like a family here. 156 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:52,370 And Mom is reading a magazine, 157 00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:56,080 and then she's gonna go outside and have a cigarette. 158 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,160 CHARLOTTE: Oh, let's play Monopoly. 159 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,910 KENNY: Nah. I want Outburst. 160 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,040 I don't wanna play Outburst. 161 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,630 Because you suck at it, dumbass. 162 00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:04,710 Hey, the casting director said you weren't allowed to curse. 163 00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:05,960 KENNY: Well, if you weren't a dumbass, 164 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,460 -I wouldn't have to. -Okay, quit it. 165 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,590 -You quit it, brace-face. -CHARLOTTE: Cut it out! 166 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,380 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 167 00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,430 I just read the same sentence 5 times, 168 00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:14,930 and I still don't know how Heidi Klum 169 00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:15,970 lost the baby weight. 170 00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:18,140 Now quit the yapping! 171 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,810 But he cursed at me. 172 00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:22,850 Okay, listen... 173 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,480 -Charlotte, yes. -Charlotte. 174 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,150 He's only doing that to push your buttons, 175 00:07:26,190 --> 00:07:28,740 so stop letting it bother you, and... 176 00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:30,530 boy... 177 00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:31,740 Kenny. 178 00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:33,320 Kenny will stop doing it, all right? 179 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,200 Now here's how it's gonna go down. 180 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,790 -You're gonna play Monopoly-- -But-- 181 00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:39,330 You're gonna play Monopoly. 182 00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:42,290 Yeah, that's right. That's for the dumbass comment. 183 00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:44,330 Hey! And if you want to roll your eyes, 184 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,040 you can roll 'em right up those stairs, 185 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,510 'cause I ain't having that down here, buddy. 186 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,890 Okay, you come with the house? 187 00:07:53,930 --> 00:07:54,840 I'm sorry. What? 188 00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:55,970 If you can handle my kids 189 00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:57,350 the way you handled those two, 190 00:07:57,390 --> 00:07:59,310 I'd come in at over asking price. 191 00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:02,520 -Ah, thank you. -You're welcome. 192 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:19,160 Oh, all right. I'll play. 193 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,290 Yeah. 194 00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:22,370 DOUG: All right. You got a Fudgesicle, 195 00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:24,210 some Gummy Rolls, and a Bomb Pop. 196 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,170 Now, you're not driving, are you? 197 00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:29,630 Ice cream and comedy. Tell your friends. 198 00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:30,960 All right, man, step up. 199 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,300 I'll have a vanilla Drumstick, please. 200 00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:34,550 [ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING NEARBY] 201 00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:36,470 BOY: Excuse me. 202 00:08:36,510 --> 00:08:38,050 Drumstick? 203 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:42,850 Oh, yeah. That's the guy that usually has this spot. 204 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,270 Oh? 205 00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:48,610 Yeah, well, you know, you snooze, you lose, right? 206 00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:54,490 Hey, it's me. You're probably not home yet. 207 00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:56,070 Just wanted to let you know I reeled in 208 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:58,160 about $500 today 209 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,120 and a Hello Kitty notebook. 210 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,580 Susie was a little low on cash. 211 00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:04,960 All right. See you later. 212 00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:10,630 [ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING] 213 00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:23,640 Oh, you wanna go? 214 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:24,930 Let's go. 215 00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:26,480 [ENGINE REVVING] 216 00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,330 Damn it! 217 00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:48,000 What's happening?! 218 00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:56,510 [ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING] 219 00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:03,100 [**] 220 00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,480 Fresh baked cookies. 221 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:08,810 Wow. 222 00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:11,360 Those smell great. 223 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,650 Hey, how'd you do on that science test? 224 00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:15,650 85. 225 00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:16,820 70. 226 00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:20,070 All right. Go hit the books, buddy. 227 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,490 When you get those grades up, 228 00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:25,040 we'll talk about getting you that dirt bike. 229 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,210 Hey, Char-Char. You want some cookies, babe? 230 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,040 Okay. Sure. 231 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,840 Hey, you. 232 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,670 Is everything okay? 233 00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:36,970 I don't know. 234 00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:38,680 There's this really cute boy in school. 235 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,840 Michael? 236 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,430 Yeah. 237 00:10:42,390 --> 00:10:44,010 But he likes Donna Pisani. 238 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,720 Well, just make him like you instead. 239 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:46,890 How? 240 00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:47,980 Well, you just start a nasty rumor 241 00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:50,190 about the other girl. 242 00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:54,270 You know, she's a skank or she's poor. 243 00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:59,030 Could be anything really. 244 00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,200 And before you know it, you'll be wearing 245 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,570 his varsity jacket. 246 00:11:01,610 --> 00:11:02,660 Really? 247 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,830 Yeah. How do you think I landed your dad? 248 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,410 Hey. Bob. 249 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,210 I think it's time to take somebody bra shopping. 250 00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:14,000 -Oh, my God! -Aw, come on. 251 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,420 [CHUCKLES] 252 00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:17,420 [**] 253 00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:18,670 Yahtzee! 254 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,680 *La la la la la la la la* 255 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,680 *La la la la la la la la la* 256 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,850 *La la la la la la la la* 257 00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:31,390 *Our house* 258 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,020 *Is a very, very, very, fine house* 259 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,400 *Very fine house* 260 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,490 *With 2 cats in the yard* 261 00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:41,570 *Life used to be so hard* 262 00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:47,790 *Now everything is easy 'cause of you* 263 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,960 *And* 264 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,000 *Our* 265 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,090 *I'll light the fire* 266 00:11:56,130 --> 00:12:00,010 *While you place the flowers* 267 00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:02,010 *In the vase* 268 00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:04,890 *That you bought* 269 00:12:04,930 --> 00:12:10,600 *Today* 270 00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:15,230 [**] 271 00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:24,530 Here you go. Candy necklace, huh? 272 00:12:24,570 --> 00:12:26,320 Who's that for, your girlfriend? 273 00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,530 No, it's for me. 274 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,740 Hey, that's okay, too. 275 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,500 All right, I gotta take a little bathroom break, 276 00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,790 so who wants to watch the truck? 277 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,670 Yeah, ain't gonna happen. 278 00:12:38,710 --> 00:12:41,590 Lomis, you. Get up there. 279 00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:49,100 [ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING] 280 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,270 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 281 00:12:52,310 --> 00:12:55,060 Sheesh! 282 00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,730 [ENGINE REVVING] 283 00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,660 [**] 284 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,330 Oh, good. You're home. 285 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,130 Hey, what do we have weapon-wise? 286 00:13:21,710 --> 00:13:23,630 I don't know. Listen, I want to talk to you. 287 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,920 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 288 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,220 You know how I've been working 289 00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:28,050 at this model home the last couple days? 290 00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:29,260 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 291 00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,600 Well...Oh, my God. 292 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,560 I'm kind of embarrassed to even say it out loud. 293 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:34,600 Baseball bat. What the hell 294 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,850 am I gonna do with that? 295 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,820 But, look, I know it's not real and I'm just pretending, 296 00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:43,690 but I'm actually starting to enjoy it. 297 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,780 I like being a mom. I like having a husband 298 00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:48,280 who tucks his shirt in, you know? 299 00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:52,410 I like having a skylight over the sink. 300 00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:55,160 Doing dishes... 301 00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,330 It's a joy. 302 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,000 I know I'm not crazy. I'm not. 303 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,750 But it's just that it's getting harder and harder 304 00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:03,460 not to fall into this fantasy and-- 305 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,630 What are you doing? 306 00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,880 I'm kicking ass and taking names. 307 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,890 Doug, I am trying to talk to you here. 308 00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:12,810 I'm happy in the model home, 309 00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,640 happier than I am here. 310 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,600 I'm falling in love with my fake family. 311 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,100 [ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING] 312 00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:19,980 Quick, get down! 313 00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:25,860 What is going on? 314 00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:29,030 I'm being stalked by Mr. Soft Serve. 315 00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,570 -What? -Don't worry. 316 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,780 He's got the upper hand now, 317 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,080 but I'm thinking on it, 318 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,960 and soon the hunter's gonna become the hunted. 319 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,330 Yeah. 320 00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:42,920 Doug? 321 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,050 I need you to give me a reason to stay. 322 00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:51,430 I gotta pee again. 323 00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:53,180 Keep low. 324 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,390 [**] 325 00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:22,790 Okay. 326 00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:25,800 Next time, check for the big open door. 327 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,980 [DOOR OPENS] 328 00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:44,250 [SLIDES OPEN DOOR] 329 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,590 [ENGINE STRUGGLING] 330 00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:54,550 [ENGINE SPUTTERS AND DIES] 331 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,680 [RESTARTS ENGINE] 332 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,100 [ENGINE RUNS SMOOTHLY] 333 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,400 There they are. 334 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,450 Oh. 335 00:17:14,490 --> 00:17:15,610 Hey, Carrie. 336 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:16,950 Hey, fun idea. 337 00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:20,330 Today at lunch, let's all get matching shirts. 338 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,040 Actually, I already have lunch plans. 339 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,960 Oh. Well, change 'em, baby. Come on. 340 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,790 We have to spend time as a family. 341 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,460 Before you know it, you guys are gonna be 342 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,460 out of the house and... 343 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:35,180 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 344 00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:37,840 Hey, save some room, 345 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:41,850 'cause I'm making blueberry muffins. 346 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,600 Bob... 347 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,980 who's that woman? 348 00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:51,150 Uh, this is Cheryl. 349 00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:55,070 Casting sent her over, so you're off the hook. 350 00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:56,950 What? 351 00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:57,990 Hey, Carrie. 352 00:17:58,030 --> 00:17:59,870 Oh, Mr. Kaufman. 353 00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:01,580 I guess they sent over another mom, 354 00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:03,500 but you know what? Actually, I'm fine doing it. 355 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:04,830 That's all right, Carrie. 356 00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:07,870 I came to take you back to the office. 357 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,000 Mr. Kaufman, I'm not a quitter. 358 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,670 Hon, why don't you give me back the apron. 359 00:18:12,710 --> 00:18:13,670 Oh, that's okay. 360 00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:14,920 No. Give it back to me 361 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,010 or I'm gonna take you down. 362 00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:20,390 -Yes? -Carrie, I really think... 363 00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:23,140 No. Mr. Kaufman, this is not fair to Bob, 364 00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:25,140 especially Charlotte and Kenny, 365 00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:26,640 to change moms like this. 366 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:27,770 I mean, you don't have to be Oprah 367 00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:29,900 to know that's gonna mess 'em up. 368 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,360 The truth is... 369 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,570 you're being replaced because 370 00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:38,910 they complained about you. 371 00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:40,780 What? 372 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,240 I'll wait for you in the car. 373 00:18:46,370 --> 00:18:47,620 So you did this? 374 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,210 It's just... 375 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:52,710 you made us feel a little uncomfortable, 376 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,550 you know, with the kisses 377 00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:57,260 and the family naps. 378 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,430 And you guys are okay with this? 379 00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:02,850 I mean, you want her to be the mom 380 00:19:02,890 --> 00:19:04,220 and not me? 381 00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:06,310 Uh-huh. 382 00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:09,440 You were cool until you kind of went all nutbar. 383 00:19:10,270 --> 00:19:11,480 Did I go nutbar, Kenny? Really? 384 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,980 Because you didn't think I went nutbar 385 00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,770 when I got that splinter out for you. 386 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,360 And you had no problem with the nutbar 387 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,570 when I was doing your math homework. 388 00:19:18,610 --> 00:19:21,660 I got a check minus minus. 389 00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:24,160 That is not the point, okay? 390 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,620 The point is everything I did I did with love. 391 00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:28,910 And this is the thanks I get? Well, that's fine, okay? 392 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,290 If this is what you want, then forget it, okay? 393 00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:31,920 No more cookies, no more advice, 394 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,840 and no more of this. 395 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,050 Yeah, Bob, you didn't think I caught you 396 00:19:36,090 --> 00:19:37,380 enjoying that view? 397 00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:39,050 Because I did. 398 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,340 Carrie... 399 00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:43,300 I'm gay. 400 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,520 How much more am I supposed to take? 401 00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,980 I can only give you $1,200. 402 00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:00,280 But I paid you 3,000. 403 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,450 Fine. 404 00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,290 CAL: Hey, kid. 405 00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:09,450 Yeah? 406 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,160 Catch. 407 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,460 Thanks. 408 00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:21,510 Hey, this truck really for sale? 409 00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:22,590 Sure is. 410 00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:24,970 My name is Cal. Pleased to meet you. 411 00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:27,260 You know, it's a great little investment. 412 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,970 If bought me a condo in Florida. 413 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,730 A condo? Nice. 414 00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,320 Fresh baked cookies! 415 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,950 Oh, so sweet. Mmm. 416 00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:49,410 Still wanna play Monopoly? 417 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,910 I'm gonna go have a cigarette. 418 00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:58,420 [**] 28375

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