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1
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,500
*My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:07,130
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:08,800
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,840
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:17,390
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,430 --> 00:00:21,310
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:24,690
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:29,070
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:37,120
Bad news.
10
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:38,450
Yeah, if it's about
being out of mini donuts,
11
00:00:38,490 --> 00:00:40,830
I'm aware,
and I'm not happy.
12
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:43,290
No, you know how
I'm supposed to show
13
00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:44,790
those model homes today?
14
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:49,170
I've been talking about it
for the last 2 weeks
15
00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:52,670
so I can finally prove
myself to Mr. Kaufman.
16
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:56,720
My boss?
17
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:57,720
Okay...
18
00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,180
Anyway,
I totally forgot.
19
00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:00,350
We're supposed
to meet with Steve,
20
00:01:00,390 --> 00:01:03,180
our financial advisor.
21
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:05,520
Do you ever listen
to me when I talk?
22
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,810
Do you? You're really boring,
I gotta tell you.
23
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:11,480
Doug, I really need you
to listen to me right now.
24
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,650
All right,
I'll give it a whirl. Go.
25
00:01:15,650 --> 00:01:19,280
I need you to take
our tax refund check
26
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:23,500
and sit with Steve
and talk about investments.
27
00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:25,410
Wouldn't I be more useful
doing something I'm good at,
28
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:30,750
like soda shopping
or lying down?
29
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,750
Come on. I need you
to take an interest
30
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,090
in our finances.
31
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,510
Now, there's a bunch
of investments here.
32
00:01:35,550 --> 00:01:36,970
I'm sure you can find
something you can
33
00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:38,300
get excited about, okay?
34
00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:40,140
Tell Steve I'm sorry
I couldn't make it.
35
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,470
-Who's Steve?
-Our financial guy.
36
00:01:42,510 --> 00:01:45,140
I'm kidding.
I'm joking around.
37
00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:46,560
You weren't joking,
were you?
38
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,480
No, I wasn't.
39
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,360
[**]
40
00:01:55,610 --> 00:01:56,740
Oh, I'm sorry.
41
00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:58,570
I'm supposed to be
showing a model home.
42
00:01:58,610 --> 00:02:00,370
No, this is it.
Come on in.
43
00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:02,580
The kids and I
are just watching
The 40-year-old Virgin.
44
00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:04,910
-[BANDAGE RIPS;
CHARACTER SCREAMS]
-[KIDS LAUGH]
45
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,790
It's raunchy,
but doggone,
46
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:08,960
it sure is funny.
47
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,750
Carrie, good, you're here.
48
00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,670
Uh, Mr. Kaufman.
49
00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:15,130
Who are these people?
50
00:02:15,170 --> 00:02:18,380
They're professional actors
pretending to be a family.
51
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,140
Oh, okay.
52
00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:23,180
Well, question answered.
53
00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:24,680
It's called home staging.
54
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,350
When potential buyers see
a family living in the house,
55
00:02:27,390 --> 00:02:30,400
it helps them envision
themselves living here.
56
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,810
I gotta tell you,
this sounds like
57
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,900
a super weird idea.
58
00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:36,320
It was mine.
59
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,360
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
60
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,650
Oh, excuse me, Carrie.
61
00:02:40,530 --> 00:02:41,740
Hello.
62
00:02:41,780 --> 00:02:43,740
Oh, damn it!
63
00:02:44,660 --> 00:02:47,160
All right.
I'll take care of it.
64
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,660
It's bad news.
65
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:52,040
Our mom isn't showing up.
She just booked aC.S.I.
66
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,170
All right. Well, single dad.
Nothing wrong with that.
67
00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:56,760
Nothing wrong
with the breakdown
68
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,300
of the American family?
69
00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:03,010
You know, we are really
not here today, are we?
70
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,930
Carrie...
71
00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:06,140
you've gotta be the mom.
72
00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:07,430
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
73
00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:08,520
I am much better at selling.
74
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,560
Besides, I am way too young
75
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,520
to be playing someone
with kids that age.
76
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,780
I think you can
get away with it.
77
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:28,200
Wealth building
annuities.
78
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,540
That's stupid.
79
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:34,380
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
CHIME MUSIC PLAYING]
80
00:03:46,470 --> 00:03:47,810
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
81
00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:49,470
-What are you doing?
-He's saving my place.
82
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,140
Hey, no back cutsies.
Everybody knows that.
83
00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:54,230
Believe this guy?
84
00:03:54,270 --> 00:03:55,270
Unbelievable.
85
00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:56,400
Yeah.
86
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,150
Yeah, can I get
an Eskimo Pie
87
00:03:58,190 --> 00:04:00,360
and an Orange Push Pop?
88
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,110
I like the Push Pop.
89
00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:04,570
You gotta work to get it.
90
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:05,910
A lot of people don't want
to put in the time,
91
00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:07,120
but not this guy.
92
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,620
Hurray for you.
That's 2.50.
93
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:13,250
You really, uh,
you really selling this truck?
94
00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:16,840
Sure am.
My name's Cal.
95
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,710
Would you, uh...
96
00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:21,630
Would you say
this is a, uh...
97
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,590
a good investment?
98
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:27,850
Good enough to buy me
a condo in Florida.
99
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:29,930
Huh.
100
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,480
[ENGINE REVVING]
101
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:39,520
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING]
102
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,530
Come on.
I had a really hard day.
103
00:04:41,570 --> 00:04:43,860
Just keep your
eyes closed. Come on.
104
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,660
All right, get ready.
105
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:46,870
Okay.
106
00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:50,660
And open 'em.
Ta-da!
107
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,460
Please tell me
there's an ice cream man
108
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:59,210
using our bathroom.
109
00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:00,460
Oh, there's
an ice cream man,
110
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,460
but he's not using
our bathroom.
111
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,220
He's standing
right here.
112
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,430
Where I am.
What I'm saying,
113
00:05:07,470 --> 00:05:09,890
I'm the ice cream man.
I am.
114
00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:11,350
What?
115
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:14,310
I took our refund check
and I bought this truck.
116
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:16,640
Doug, you threw away $3,000.
117
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:18,150
You told me
to invest in something
118
00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,230
I'd be excited about.
119
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:20,690
Well, guess what?
I'm excited!
120
00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:22,690
Yeah, I bet
you are excited.
121
00:05:22,730 --> 00:05:25,360
How much of it
did you eat already?
122
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,820
None, okay?
123
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,370
That's rule one
in the ice cream game.
124
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,740
You don't get high
on your own supply.
125
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,830
Oh, my God. I think
it's really gonna happen.
126
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,790
I'm actually gonna
kill you this time.
127
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:39,790
Would you stop?
128
00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:41,420
I thought this out,
believe me.
129
00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:43,510
I get done with
my I.P.S. route at 4:00,
130
00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:46,170
and then I hit the streets
in this bad boy.
131
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,930
You don't know anything
about the ice cream business.
132
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:51,100
I'm on top of it.
I looked at his books.
133
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:54,390
I saw his
profit margin. Huh?
134
00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:55,930
I got a list
of all his suppliers.
135
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,140
It's gonna work.
136
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,600
-Really?
-Yes.
137
00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,980
Carrie, I'm telling you,
you're gonna be proud of me.
138
00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,770
I swear.
139
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,070
I don't know, maybe...
maybe this could be your thing.
140
00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,440
This is definitely
my thing.
141
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:06,570
Now, come on.
Let's ride this truck
142
00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:10,570
to an early
retirement, huh?
143
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,280
Ha ha ha ha ha!
144
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,410
And you wanted
to marry a doctor.
145
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:16,120
[BELLS JINGLE]
146
00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:26,590
Hey, who wants to play
a board game?
147
00:06:26,630 --> 00:06:27,590
I do, Daddy.
148
00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:29,720
Sounds great.
149
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,470
How about you, honey?
150
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,260
I'm okay. Thanks.
151
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,060
All right.
You guys pick out a game.
152
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:39,020
I'm gonna make us
some popcorn.
153
00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:40,850
Okay.
154
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,440
Uh, you know, Carrie,
155
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,690
we were hired to act
like a family here.
156
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:52,370
And Mom is reading
a magazine,
157
00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:56,080
and then she's gonna go outside
and have a cigarette.
158
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,160
CHARLOTTE:
Oh, let's play Monopoly.
159
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,910
KENNY: Nah.
I want Outburst.
160
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,040
I don't wanna play
Outburst.
161
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,630
Because you suck
at it, dumbass.
162
00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:04,710
Hey, the casting director said
you weren't allowed to curse.
163
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:05,960
KENNY: Well, if you
weren't a dumbass,
164
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,460
-I wouldn't have to.
-Okay, quit it.
165
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,590
-You quit it, brace-face.
-CHARLOTTE: Cut it out!
166
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,380
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
167
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,430
I just read
the same sentence 5 times,
168
00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:14,930
and I still don't know
how Heidi Klum
169
00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:15,970
lost the baby weight.
170
00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:18,140
Now quit the yapping!
171
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,810
But he cursed at me.
172
00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:22,850
Okay, listen...
173
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,480
-Charlotte, yes.
-Charlotte.
174
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,150
He's only doing that
to push your buttons,
175
00:07:26,190 --> 00:07:28,740
so stop letting it
bother you, and...
176
00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:30,530
boy...
177
00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:31,740
Kenny.
178
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:33,320
Kenny will stop
doing it, all right?
179
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,200
Now here's how
it's gonna go down.
180
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,790
-You're gonna play Monopoly--
-But--
181
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:39,330
You're gonna play Monopoly.
182
00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:42,290
Yeah, that's right.
That's for the dumbass comment.
183
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:44,330
Hey! And if you
want to roll your eyes,
184
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,040
you can roll 'em
right up those stairs,
185
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,510
'cause I ain't having
that down here, buddy.
186
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,890
Okay, you come
with the house?
187
00:07:53,930 --> 00:07:54,840
I'm sorry. What?
188
00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:55,970
If you can handle
my kids
189
00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:57,350
the way you handled
those two,
190
00:07:57,390 --> 00:07:59,310
I'd come in at over
asking price.
191
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:02,520
-Ah, thank you.
-You're welcome.
192
00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:19,160
Oh, all right.
I'll play.
193
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,290
Yeah.
194
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:22,370
DOUG: All right.
You got a Fudgesicle,
195
00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:24,210
some Gummy Rolls,
and a Bomb Pop.
196
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,170
Now, you're not
driving, are you?
197
00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:29,630
Ice cream and comedy.
Tell your friends.
198
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:30,960
All right, man, step up.
199
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,300
I'll have a vanilla
Drumstick, please.
200
00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:34,550
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING NEARBY]
201
00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:36,470
BOY: Excuse me.
202
00:08:36,510 --> 00:08:38,050
Drumstick?
203
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:42,850
Oh, yeah. That's the guy
that usually has this spot.
204
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,270
Oh?
205
00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:48,610
Yeah, well, you know,
you snooze, you lose, right?
206
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:54,490
Hey, it's me.
You're probably not home yet.
207
00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:56,070
Just wanted to let
you know I reeled in
208
00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:58,160
about $500 today
209
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,120
and a Hello Kitty
notebook.
210
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,580
Susie was a little low
on cash.
211
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:04,960
All right.
See you later.
212
00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:10,630
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING]
213
00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:23,640
Oh, you wanna go?
214
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:24,930
Let's go.
215
00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:26,480
[ENGINE REVVING]
216
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,330
Damn it!
217
00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:48,000
What's happening?!
218
00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:56,510
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING]
219
00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:03,100
[**]
220
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,480
Fresh baked cookies.
221
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:08,810
Wow.
222
00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:11,360
Those smell great.
223
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,650
Hey, how'd you do
on that science test?
224
00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:15,650
85.
225
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:16,820
70.
226
00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:20,070
All right.
Go hit the books, buddy.
227
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,490
When you get
those grades up,
228
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:25,040
we'll talk about
getting you that dirt bike.
229
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,210
Hey, Char-Char.
You want some cookies, babe?
230
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,040
Okay. Sure.
231
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,840
Hey, you.
232
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,670
Is everything okay?
233
00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:36,970
I don't know.
234
00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:38,680
There's this really
cute boy in school.
235
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,840
Michael?
236
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,430
Yeah.
237
00:10:42,390 --> 00:10:44,010
But he likes
Donna Pisani.
238
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,720
Well, just make him
like you instead.
239
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:46,890
How?
240
00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:47,980
Well, you just
start a nasty rumor
241
00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:50,190
about the other girl.
242
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:54,270
You know, she's a skank
or she's poor.
243
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:59,030
Could be anything really.
244
00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,200
And before you know it,
you'll be wearing
245
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,570
his varsity jacket.
246
00:11:01,610 --> 00:11:02,660
Really?
247
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,830
Yeah. How do you think
I landed your dad?
248
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,410
Hey. Bob.
249
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,210
I think it's time
to take somebody bra shopping.
250
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:14,000
-Oh, my God!
-Aw, come on.
251
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,420
[CHUCKLES]
252
00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:17,420
[**]
253
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:18,670
Yahtzee!
254
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,680
*La la lala la la la la*
255
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,680
*La la la la lala la la la*
256
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,850
*La la la la lala la la*
257
00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:31,390
*Our house*
258
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,020
*Is a very, very, very,fine house*
259
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,400
*Very fine house*
260
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,490
*With 2 catsin the yard*
261
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:41,570
*Life used to be so hard*
262
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:47,790
*Now everything is easy'cause of you*
263
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,960
*And*
264
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,000
*Our*
265
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,090
*I'll light the fire*
266
00:11:56,130 --> 00:12:00,010
*While you placethe flowers*
267
00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:02,010
*In the vase*
268
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:04,890
*That you bought*
269
00:12:04,930 --> 00:12:10,600
*Today*
270
00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:15,230
[**]
271
00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:24,530
Here you go.
Candy necklace, huh?
272
00:12:24,570 --> 00:12:26,320
Who's that for,
your girlfriend?
273
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,530
No, it's for me.
274
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,740
Hey, that's okay, too.
275
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,500
All right, I gotta take
a little bathroom break,
276
00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,790
so who wants to watch
the truck?
277
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,670
Yeah, ain't gonna
happen.
278
00:12:38,710 --> 00:12:41,590
Lomis, you.
Get up there.
279
00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:49,100
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING]
280
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,270
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
281
00:12:52,310 --> 00:12:55,060
Sheesh!
282
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,730
[ENGINE REVVING]
283
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,660
[**]
284
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,330
Oh, good.
You're home.
285
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,130
Hey, what do we have
weapon-wise?
286
00:13:21,710 --> 00:13:23,630
I don't know. Listen,
I want to talk to you.
287
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,920
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
288
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,220
You know how
I've been working
289
00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:28,050
at this model home
the last couple days?
290
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:29,260
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
291
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,600
Well...Oh, my God.
292
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,560
I'm kind of embarrassed
to even say it out loud.
293
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:34,600
Baseball bat.
What the hell
294
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,850
am I gonna do
with that?
295
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,820
But, look, I know it's not real
and I'm just pretending,
296
00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:43,690
but I'm actually
starting to enjoy it.
297
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,780
I like being a mom.
I like having a husband
298
00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:48,280
who tucks his shirt in,
you know?
299
00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:52,410
I like having a skylight
over the sink.
300
00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:55,160
Doing dishes...
301
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,330
It's a joy.
302
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,000
I know I'm not crazy.
I'm not.
303
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,750
But it's just that it's
getting harder and harder
304
00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:03,460
not to fall into
this fantasy and--
305
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,630
What are you doing?
306
00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,880
I'm kicking ass
and taking names.
307
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,890
Doug, I am trying
to talk to you here.
308
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:12,810
I'm happy in the model home,
309
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,640
happier than I am here.
310
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,600
I'm falling in love
with my fake family.
311
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,100
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING]
312
00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:19,980
Quick, get down!
313
00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:25,860
What is going on?
314
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:29,030
I'm being stalked
by Mr. Soft Serve.
315
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,570
-What?
-Don't worry.
316
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,780
He's got
the upper hand now,
317
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,080
but I'm thinking on it,
318
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,960
and soon the hunter's
gonna become the hunted.
319
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,330
Yeah.
320
00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:42,920
Doug?
321
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,050
I need you to give me
a reason to stay.
322
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:51,430
I gotta pee again.
323
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:53,180
Keep low.
324
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,390
[**]
325
00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:22,790
Okay.
326
00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:25,800
Next time,
check for the big open door.
327
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,980
[DOOR OPENS]
328
00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:44,250
[SLIDES OPEN DOOR]
329
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,590
[ENGINE STRUGGLING]
330
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:54,550
[ENGINE SPUTTERS AND DIES]
331
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,680
[RESTARTS ENGINE]
332
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,100
[ENGINE RUNS SMOOTHLY]
333
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,400
There they are.
334
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,450
Oh.
335
00:17:14,490 --> 00:17:15,610
Hey, Carrie.
336
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:16,950
Hey, fun idea.
337
00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:20,330
Today at lunch, let's all
get matching shirts.
338
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,040
Actually, I already
have lunch plans.
339
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,960
Oh. Well, change 'em, baby.
Come on.
340
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,790
We have to spend time
as a family.
341
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,460
Before you know it,
you guys are gonna be
342
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,460
out of the house and...
343
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:35,180
Stop, stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop.
344
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:37,840
Hey, save some room,
345
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:41,850
'cause I'm making
blueberry muffins.
346
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,600
Bob...
347
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,980
who's that woman?
348
00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:51,150
Uh, this is Cheryl.
349
00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:55,070
Casting sent her over,
so you're off the hook.
350
00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:56,950
What?
351
00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:57,990
Hey, Carrie.
352
00:17:58,030 --> 00:17:59,870
Oh, Mr. Kaufman.
353
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:01,580
I guess they sent over
another mom,
354
00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:03,500
but you know what?
Actually, I'm fine doing it.
355
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:04,830
That's all right,
Carrie.
356
00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:07,870
I came to take you
back to the office.
357
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,000
Mr. Kaufman,
I'm not a quitter.
358
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,670
Hon, why don't you
give me back the apron.
359
00:18:12,710 --> 00:18:13,670
Oh, that's okay.
360
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:14,920
No. Give it back to me
361
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,010
or I'm gonna
take you down.
362
00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:20,390
-Yes?
-Carrie, I really think...
363
00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:23,140
No. Mr. Kaufman,
this is not fair to Bob,
364
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:25,140
especially
Charlotte and Kenny,
365
00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:26,640
to change moms like this.
366
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:27,770
I mean, you don't
have to be Oprah
367
00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:29,900
to know that's
gonna mess 'em up.
368
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,360
The truth is...
369
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,570
you're being replaced
because
370
00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:38,910
they complained
about you.
371
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:40,780
What?
372
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,240
I'll wait for you
in the car.
373
00:18:46,370 --> 00:18:47,620
So you did this?
374
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,210
It's just...
375
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:52,710
you made us feel
a little uncomfortable,
376
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,550
you know,
with the kisses
377
00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:57,260
and the family naps.
378
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,430
And you guys
are okay with this?
379
00:19:01,470 --> 00:19:02,850
I mean, you want her
to be the mom
380
00:19:02,890 --> 00:19:04,220
and not me?
381
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:06,310
Uh-huh.
382
00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:09,440
You were cool until you kind
of went all nutbar.
383
00:19:10,270 --> 00:19:11,480
Did I go nutbar,
Kenny? Really?
384
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,980
Because you didn't think
I went nutbar
385
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,770
when I got that
splinter out for you.
386
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,360
And you had no problem
with the nutbar
387
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,570
when I was doing
your math homework.
388
00:19:18,610 --> 00:19:21,660
I got
a check minus minus.
389
00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:24,160
That is not the point, okay?
390
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,620
The point is everything
I did I did with love.
391
00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:28,910
And this is the thanks I get?
Well, that's fine, okay?
392
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,290
If this is what you want,
then forget it, okay?
393
00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:31,920
No more cookies,
no more advice,
394
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,840
and no more of this.
395
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,050
Yeah, Bob, you didn't
think I caught you
396
00:19:36,090 --> 00:19:37,380
enjoying that view?
397
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:39,050
Because I did.
398
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,340
Carrie...
399
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:43,300
I'm gay.
400
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,520
How much more
am I supposed to take?
401
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,980
I can only give you $1,200.
402
00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:00,280
But I paid you 3,000.
403
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,450
Fine.
404
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,290
CAL: Hey, kid.
405
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:09,450
Yeah?
406
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,160
Catch.
407
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,460
Thanks.
408
00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:21,510
Hey, this truck
really for sale?
409
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:22,590
Sure is.
410
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:24,970
My name is Cal.
Pleased to meet you.
411
00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:27,260
You know, it's a great
little investment.
412
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,970
If bought me
a condo in Florida.
413
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,730
A condo? Nice.
414
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,320
Fresh baked cookies!
415
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,950
Oh, so sweet. Mmm.
416
00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:49,410
Still wanna play Monopoly?
417
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,910
I'm gonna go have a cigarette.
418
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:58,420
[**]
28375
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