All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2006) - S08E17 - Present Tense_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian Download
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:11,340 Hey, honey. You ready? 2 00:00:11,380 --> 00:00:12,340 Yep. 3 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,220 Do me a favor. Take my license. 4 00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:16,430 What for? 5 00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:17,510 In case we want to get a beer 6 00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,140 and I have to show my I.D. 7 00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:20,560 Did they raise the drinking age to 36 8 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,350 and not tell me? 9 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,690 Just do it. 10 00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:24,770 And, oh... 11 00:00:24,810 --> 00:00:26,690 my lipstick. 12 00:00:26,730 --> 00:00:28,270 Can't you keep this stuff in your purse? 13 00:00:28,310 --> 00:00:29,520 It's a concert in the park. 14 00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:30,650 I don't want to carry a purse. 15 00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:31,740 I don't want to sit on the wet grass 16 00:00:31,780 --> 00:00:33,240 listening to an Abba tribute band, 17 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,650 but we all have our problems. 18 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,570 Can you just, please, thank you. 19 00:00:36,610 --> 00:00:38,700 Oh, and my hairspray. 20 00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:41,080 And gum. 21 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,540 I'm probably going to need this other lipstick. 22 00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,540 That's for sure and my brush. 23 00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:45,870 And an umbrella in case it rains. 24 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,080 I'm good, I'm good. All right. 25 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:51,420 -Let's go! -Okay. 26 00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:59,430 * My eyes are gettin' weary* 27 00:00:59,470 --> 00:01:01,770 * My back is gettin' tight* 28 00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:03,730 * I'm sittin' here in traffic* 29 00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:06,850 * On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 30 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:12,440 * But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 31 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,860 * Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 32 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,780 * 'Cause, baby, all my life* 33 00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:23,700 * I will be drivin' home to you* 34 00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:35,130 [BLENDER WHIRRING] 35 00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:37,840 Oh, guy, I'm trying to whip up a batch of mojitos, 36 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,640 but I'll need 30 sprigs of fresh mint. 37 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,310 Oh, sprigs of mint? 38 00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:45,180 They're out in the garden, next to my artichokes. 39 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,560 You know, when you ask someone to be a bartender 40 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:48,650 for your party, 41 00:01:48,690 --> 00:01:49,850 the least you could do 42 00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,980 is give them the proper supplies. 43 00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:55,070 I didn't ask you to be bartender. 44 00:01:55,110 --> 00:01:58,280 You know what-- I can't work like this! 45 00:02:00,070 --> 00:02:01,160 Happy anniversary. 46 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,660 Happy anniversary. 47 00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:05,080 -Thanks, man. -11 years. That is awesome! 48 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:06,750 Oh, yeah. 49 00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:09,210 Easy, Lou. I'm one pizza pocket away from blast-off. 50 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,340 I'm going to check on my mojito. 51 00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:13,840 Oh, okay. 52 00:02:15,090 --> 00:02:16,760 So, um... 53 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,920 where's Arthur? 54 00:02:17,970 --> 00:02:19,180 Oh, we caught a break. 55 00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:20,680 One of his old army buddies died, 56 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,050 so he's gone for the week. 57 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:24,680 Oh. 58 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,100 Why? What's the matter? 59 00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:28,350 Well, he borrowed $70 from me, 60 00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:30,940 and he said he'll pay me back today. 61 00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:33,360 Lou, Lou, Lou, that money. 62 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,900 She's gone. 63 00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:41,110 Forgot to put out the vegetable platter. 64 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,780 Oh, good save, 65 00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:44,990 'cause it ain't a party until we get some broccoli chunks. 66 00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,200 So you think everybody's having fun? 67 00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,790 Yeah... 68 00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,960 You know what, come here for a second. Hon, look. 69 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,210 What? 70 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,130 At our wedding we had about... 71 00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:57,210 125 guests. 72 00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:07,140 11 years later, we have 6 so... 73 00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:09,980 Might want to pull your attitude back a little. 74 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:11,730 Hey, you knew what you were getting into 75 00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:13,060 when you married me. 76 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,900 And I'll tell you something else, okay? 77 00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:17,610 That Carla Ferrigno's rubbing me the wrong way. 78 00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,910 Oh, can I have everyone's attention? 79 00:03:23,950 --> 00:03:26,030 Look, it's been a great night, 80 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,410 and I think I speak for everyone when we say, 81 00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:32,370 Doug, Carrie, 82 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:33,420 we love you guys. 83 00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:35,920 Oh, thank you. 84 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,420 And because we do, 85 00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:39,760 Deacon and I decided to get you a little something. 86 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,420 No, we said no gifts! 87 00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:43,930 Hey, that was you, okay. If anybody's interested, 88 00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,050 I'm registered at the Jerky Hut. 89 00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:48,810 For our anniversary, 90 00:03:48,850 --> 00:03:51,940 you guys got us those incredible jazz statues, so... 91 00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:54,060 We hope you like it. 92 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,940 I told you we should have gotten them something. 93 00:03:57,980 --> 00:03:59,440 It said no gifts on the invite. 94 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,780 I know what it said. God, why do I listen to you? 95 00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:04,320 Can we not do this here? 96 00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:20,920 Hey... 97 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,180 -That's us. -Yeah. 98 00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:26,470 It's beautiful. 99 00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:28,890 What do you think, Carrie? 100 00:04:28,930 --> 00:04:31,350 What do I think? I think... 101 00:04:31,390 --> 00:04:33,180 wow! 102 00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:36,190 We found this great artist in Soho 103 00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:37,440 who can take any photograph 104 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,980 and make an oil painting out of it. 105 00:04:39,020 --> 00:04:40,900 Oh, that's terrific. 106 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:43,820 We were going to get you Omaha steaks, 107 00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:45,320 but we figured you eat that, it's gone, 108 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,950 but the painting, that's forever. 109 00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:51,120 Actually, I heard red meat 110 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,120 stays in your colon for years. 111 00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:55,500 Again, happy anniversary. 112 00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:58,420 And again, you shouldn't have. 113 00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:02,920 [**] 114 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:09,760 Would you just let it go? 115 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,850 We were in Williams-Sonoma, 116 00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,430 I had a Panini grill in my hand, 117 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,480 and you wouldn't let me buy it for them. 118 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,020 For the last time, they said no gifts. 119 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,190 Deacon and Kelly were the only ones who got them anything. 120 00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:22,360 Yes, because they know how to play the game, 121 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,740 and that's why they're Doug and Carrie's go-to couple. 122 00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:26,150 Go-to couple? 123 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,070 Yeah, that's the couple you call first 124 00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:29,450 when you want to go to a movie 125 00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:31,530 or on a cruise. 126 00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,540 There's no reason that can't be us. 127 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:36,250 Yeah, except we're not a couple. 128 00:05:36,290 --> 00:05:38,080 -You do know that, right? -Yeah. 129 00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:40,340 Of course I know that. 130 00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:41,960 I'm just saying, there are weekends 131 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:42,960 when we don't have dates. 132 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,050 It would be nice to do things 133 00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:45,380 with Doug and Carrie. 134 00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,800 Shouldn't we put efforts into getting girlfriends? 135 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:51,050 Have you heard one word I've said? 136 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,180 [**] 137 00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:56,390 Okay, now we know. 138 00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:57,890 Lou drinks a little tequila, 139 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,020 he starts lifting people over his head. 140 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,860 Maybe that's the way big boys blow off steam. 141 00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:03,940 I hope Spence is all right. 142 00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:05,490 That ceiling fan was on high. 143 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:11,070 Some surprise, huh? From Deacon and Kelly. 144 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,330 Yeah. They're great, great people. 145 00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:15,910 Yeah. 146 00:06:15,950 --> 00:06:17,580 Where do you want to put it? 147 00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:20,500 How about the Staten Island Landfill? 148 00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:22,790 Carrie, they're our friends. We got to put it somewhere. 149 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,420 Are you kidding me? Look at this. 150 00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:26,970 I got one tiny arm and one huge arm. 151 00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:31,140 I think it's just the angle. 152 00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:32,930 Look at my hands! 153 00:06:32,970 --> 00:06:34,310 That's a chicken foot and that's a catcher's mitt! 154 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:35,970 Are you serious? 155 00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:39,440 Who am I kidding? Look at me. Look at my forehead. 156 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,150 I want to spray-paint graffiti on it. 157 00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,030 And what's with the beaver teeth? 158 00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:46,820 Look at those choppers. 159 00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:50,990 At least I can see where they got that from. 160 00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:53,580 What--? What is that supposed to mean? 161 00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:56,160 Nothing. Your teeth are perfect. 162 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,120 Anyway, the point is, we just got to figure out 163 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,120 what to do with this thing. 164 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,120 What we're going to do-- 165 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,630 we'll put a nail in the wall and hang the picture. 166 00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:04,840 All right, how about this-- we hang it when we know 167 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,460 Deacon and Kelly are going to come over. 168 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,340 Deacon's here every day. The man's obsessed with me. 169 00:07:09,380 --> 00:07:11,590 All right then, just stick it in the closet 170 00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,390 and if anybody asks, we just haven't found the right place 171 00:07:13,430 --> 00:07:14,930 to hang it yet. 172 00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:16,350 All right, fine. And you know what? 173 00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:17,600 You didn't hate my teeth so much 174 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,930 when I had to strip that speaker wire. 175 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,030 What's up, family? You ready to go? 176 00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,240 Hey! Uh, yeah, just finishing up. 177 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,490 So, where'd you put the painting? 178 00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:34,120 Uh, look at this-- 179 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,870 says one bowl has 100 percent 180 00:07:35,910 --> 00:07:38,540 of your daily requirement of riboflavin. 181 00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:41,870 I had three bowls. 182 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,500 So I'm good for the weekend. 183 00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:46,630 [LAUGHS] That's good, that's good. 184 00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:48,340 Where'd you put the painting? 185 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:52,550 Oh, the--oh, yeah-- here's the thing. 186 00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:56,510 Carrie and I--the picture's just so special to us-- 187 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:58,260 we're looking for the perfect place 188 00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,100 to hang it. 189 00:08:00,140 --> 00:08:03,190 She's got her favorites, I got my favorites. 190 00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:05,020 So, we're just kind of debating 191 00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:06,190 and going through the process. 192 00:08:06,230 --> 00:08:07,360 That's basically what it is, 193 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,530 until you find a perfect spot. 194 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:12,280 Problem solved. I know the perfect spot. 195 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,950 DOUG: Okay, a little bit more to the right. 196 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,370 Hey! 197 00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:24,040 Hey, Car. We got it up! 198 00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:27,000 You sure did! 199 00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:29,250 What's going on? 200 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,630 It got away from me. 201 00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:32,630 Left. A little more to the left. 202 00:08:32,670 --> 00:08:34,050 Ow! 203 00:08:34,090 --> 00:08:36,140 Hey, Deac, babe, you didn't have to do that. 204 00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:37,510 We were going to hire-- 205 00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:40,310 Hey, hey, hey, that is not how the Palmers roll. 206 00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:44,730 That's not how they roll. 207 00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:46,230 Doug had a great idea 208 00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:49,230 to put one of those art lights over it. 209 00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:51,150 Did he? 210 00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:53,650 Great idea, Doug! 211 00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:57,490 Same spot. 212 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,500 What's going on? 213 00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:11,050 CARRIE: Deacon came by and put the art light up. 214 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:16,010 He said that's how they roll. 215 00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:20,010 Are you crying? 216 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,640 CARRIE: No. 217 00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:24,770 -What's the matter? -Doug, I can't live 218 00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:26,440 with this painting. We got to get rid of it. 219 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,070 I am willing to lose them as friends over this. 220 00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:32,030 Would you forget about the stupid painting? 221 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:34,320 Doug, I can't. I see it in my sleep. 222 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,990 When I got to the kitchen, the eyes follow me! 223 00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:40,620 So, poke 'em out with your giant fingers. 224 00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,450 Come on, I'm being serious! 225 00:09:42,490 --> 00:09:44,370 Stop joking! 226 00:09:46,290 --> 00:09:47,620 Come on, Carrie. 227 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,290 I know the painting's horrible, 228 00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:51,590 but, you know, 229 00:09:51,630 --> 00:09:54,300 -you'll get used to it. -No, I won't! 230 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,340 Just like that purple vase that my mom got. 231 00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,390 -You hated that thing. -I still hate it. 232 00:09:58,430 --> 00:10:00,470 Yeah, but you don't think about it anymore. 233 00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:03,350 It just blends in with all our other crap. 234 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,390 Oh, my God! This arm is bigger. I'm a freak! 235 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:12,320 Would you stop it? Your arms are perfect, okay. 236 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,650 -They are? -Yes. Come on. 237 00:10:14,690 --> 00:10:17,150 You know what, it was our anniversary, 238 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,030 and I didn't even give you my present yet. 239 00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:20,320 Ooh, what'd you get me? 240 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,780 It's upstairs... 241 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,540 in the bedroom. 242 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:27,500 Oh, yeah. You know what? 243 00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:29,460 I have a gift for you, too, that's upstairs. 244 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,630 A little somethin'. 245 00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,420 Come on, baby. 246 00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:45,430 Actually, I got to go to the garage for a second. 247 00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,310 Yeah, take your time, baby. 248 00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:56,570 CARRIE: Okay, what's the big secret 249 00:10:56,610 --> 00:10:58,780 that you couldn't tell us over the phone? 250 00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,820 Should I, or do you want to? 251 00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:02,950 -Either way. -I could. 252 00:11:02,990 --> 00:11:05,620 Hey, Chip and Dale. Spit it out. 253 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,750 Uh, we've decided what we want to give you guys 254 00:11:09,790 --> 00:11:11,500 for your anniversary. 255 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:14,630 Your chef, moi,will prepare a veritable feast 256 00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:15,960 in the comfort of your own home, 257 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,960 while your maƮtre d'-- 258 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,470 [FRENCH ACCENT] Danny-- 259 00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:21,930 will make sure your every need is attended to. 260 00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:26,140 -We're going to pass. -But thank you. 261 00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:28,060 Oh, funny. 262 00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:29,850 You didn't have any problem taking Deacon and Kelly's gift. 263 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,230 You like them better than us. Just admit it. 264 00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:34,940 All righty. 265 00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:37,570 -I told you this was lame. -It's not lame! Listen, guys, 266 00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:38,940 you got to let us get you something. 267 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,740 Something great, something that will top 268 00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,490 Deacon and Kelly's gift. 269 00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:45,160 Oh, okay well, why don't you push us down some stairs? 270 00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:48,750 What? 271 00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:50,290 You don't like the painting? 272 00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,290 We hate that thing. 273 00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:54,790 That's too bad! 274 00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:56,800 You want to get us something. 275 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,960 I've got the perfect gift. 276 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,300 Will you hurry up? 277 00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:02,590 Should have robbed this house 45 minutes ago. 278 00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:05,100 I had to get my allergy shot. 279 00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,260 We're not stealing a cat! 280 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,520 All right, so, how do you want to do this? 281 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,810 You steal, I ransack? 282 00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:15,150 I really had my heart set on ransacking. 283 00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:17,650 -Fine, you ransack, I'll steal. -Okay. 284 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:20,190 Wait, wait. Carrie gave us a list of Doug's stuff 285 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,070 she wants us to take. 286 00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:27,530 Gray sweatpants, torn in the back. 287 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,120 Everything in his underwear drawer. 288 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,040 And his Mr. French Fry machine. 289 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,040 All right, fine. Okay. 290 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,830 What are you doing? They know it's us. 291 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,000 I want to set the mood. 292 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,710 How does wearing a ski mask-- 293 00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,550 I want to wear the mask! 294 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,840 I'm wearing the mask! 295 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,970 Okay... 296 00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:47,680 Look, I'm sorry, all right? 297 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:48,970 It's... 298 00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:51,100 -It's just my process. -All right, fine. 299 00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,190 Great, they're back! What? 300 00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:59,110 Just hurry up. Take the painting! 301 00:13:00,190 --> 00:13:02,070 -Hurry! -It's stuck! 302 00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,240 We're never going to be their go-to couple! 303 00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:08,240 DANNY: Wait, wait, wait! Mr. French Fry machine, grab it. 304 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,120 Oh, yeah. 305 00:13:14,370 --> 00:13:17,000 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 306 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,130 What? 307 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,300 What? 308 00:13:24,340 --> 00:13:25,970 We've been robbed! 309 00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:28,720 What makes you say that? 310 00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:31,850 The couch pillow! 311 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:34,230 It's on the floor! 312 00:13:34,270 --> 00:13:37,060 They were probably looking for loose change. 313 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:39,060 Oh, God...oh, God! 314 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,230 They probably just wrecked the place. 315 00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:41,780 They didn't take anything. 316 00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,610 Guys, look. 317 00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:45,950 Not the painting. 318 00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:48,070 Damn it to hell! 319 00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:50,080 Damn! 320 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,700 What kind of animal would do that? 321 00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,790 An animal with great taste. 322 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,960 I guess you guys should call the police or something? 323 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,260 Oh, what's the difference? 324 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,340 It's probably halfway to Mexico by now. 325 00:14:07,970 --> 00:14:10,970 You know what? We will. We just need a little time. 326 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:19,100 -Alone. -Oh, sure. I'm sorry okay. 327 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,690 Call us if you need anything 328 00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:22,900 -or hear anything. -We will, we will. 329 00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:23,940 Take care, guys. 330 00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:26,070 -DOUG: Yeah. -CARRIE: Okay. 331 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:34,120 -It's gone! What a relief! -Awesome. 332 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,790 We should celebrate. 333 00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:37,960 Good idea. You break open a bottle of wine, 334 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,710 I'll whip us up some French fries. 335 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,710 Oh, my God! 336 00:14:46,130 --> 00:14:48,090 [**] 337 00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,180 KELLY: You said this would work! 338 00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,680 I thought it would. 339 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,140 I didn't know they'd stage a fake robbery. 340 00:14:52,180 --> 00:14:54,220 Well, they did. 341 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,350 God, I've been living a nightmare 342 00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:57,730 ever since our anniversary. 343 00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:04,190 Happy anniversary! 344 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,070 We knew you guys liked jazz, so... 345 00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:09,150 what do you think? 346 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,450 I think... 347 00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:12,950 wow. 348 00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:14,910 We got 'em in Harlem. 349 00:15:14,950 --> 00:15:17,160 Really? 350 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,870 So, where you going to put it? 351 00:15:18,910 --> 00:15:20,420 Oh, I don't know. 352 00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:21,500 I don't want to put them anywhere 353 00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:23,000 until we find the right place. 354 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,420 Yeah, just right. 355 00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:26,170 I got the exact right place. 356 00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:27,170 How about right here, huh? 357 00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:29,220 -Bang! -Ha! 358 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,060 You said, let's get them a really bad gift. 359 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,390 They'll say they hate it, we can say we hate the jazz figurine, 360 00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:39,310 everyone has a good laugh and goes home happy. 361 00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:40,850 -That's what you said. -I know what I said. 362 00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:42,850 I'm the one who said it. 363 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,360 Wouldn't it have been easier to say, we hate your jazz guys? 364 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,150 Doug and Carrie are our best friends. 365 00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:48,990 They went to a lot of trouble to get us those. 366 00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:50,320 Those things are racist! 367 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,110 They're not racist. They're just... 368 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,950 bad. 369 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,370 So, what's next, genius? 370 00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:00,790 [**] 371 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,040 CARRIE: So, this girl at work walks in 372 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,380 wearing the same shoes I bought the day before. 373 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,130 I can key her car, right? 374 00:16:08,170 --> 00:16:11,260 Mmm, shoes, no. Same haircut, yeah. 375 00:16:13,090 --> 00:16:15,140 Oh...note to self-- next time I go to Supercuts, 376 00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:18,010 don't get the Kelly. 377 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:21,230 So, uh, any news on the robbery? 378 00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:23,480 What? No. 379 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,810 No... 380 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,190 -No. -Come on, honey. Don't go there. 381 00:16:26,230 --> 00:16:28,230 It's just been hard. It's hard. 382 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,570 It's very hard. 383 00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:33,320 We figured that. 384 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,530 Which is why we made another trip 385 00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:37,870 back to Soho! 386 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,250 You did not get us another one! 387 00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,790 I think we did! 388 00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:44,080 -No! -You didn't! 389 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,080 Happy anniversary! 390 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,050 Whoa! Whoa...look at it. 391 00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:51,260 We should probably check on the boys. 392 00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:54,130 You four talk amongst yourselves, all right? 393 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,390 I can't believe it! 394 00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:00,930 I kind of like it. 395 00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:02,230 What are you talking, my big arm is bigger, 396 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:04,270 my eyes look like raisins! 397 00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:05,940 You like raisins. 398 00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:07,440 Oh, you know what? You just like it 399 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,900 because the painter did something 400 00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,030 to make you look handsome. 401 00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:13,360 What, you mean like this? 402 00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:16,320 Doug, I am telling you right now, 403 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:18,320 you better tell Deacon and Kelly we don't like this 404 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,370 or I swear, I am calling a divorce lawyer tomorrow. 405 00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:23,000 11 years. We had a good run, didn't we? 406 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,330 -Not that good. -Yeah, I was being polite! 407 00:17:25,370 --> 00:17:27,000 See, I told you. 408 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,340 We just had to turn them against each other. 409 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,130 That's will work for the first time. 410 00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:31,300 It seems to be working. 411 00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:33,590 Let's bring this baby home. 412 00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:35,300 So, who's ready for pie? 413 00:17:35,340 --> 00:17:37,300 You know what, I actually, we're gonna to get going. 414 00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:40,100 Uh, but you know what? 415 00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:43,430 Doug does have something to say to you guys. 416 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,440 Uh, yeah, thank you for dinner. 417 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,940 And the picture is awesome. 418 00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,900 That's it. I'm out of bullets. 419 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,320 We hate the jazz statues. 420 00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:55,490 What? 421 00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:56,990 It's true. We hate 'em. 422 00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:58,910 Are you serious? 423 00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:01,200 -We got them in Harlem. -DEACON: I know. 424 00:18:02,950 --> 00:18:04,870 You tell us every time you come over here. 425 00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:06,330 Oh, wait a minute. 426 00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:09,670 So, the painting was some kind of payback? 427 00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,090 No. No, no-- 428 00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:12,630 We were just trying to find a nice way 429 00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:15,510 to bring up the topic of crappy gifts. 430 00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:20,350 Nice? I had nightmares about this painting! 431 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:22,350 Well, these scare our kids. 432 00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:25,520 Oh, do they? Boo-hoo. 433 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,350 I'll tell you what, girl, okay. 434 00:18:27,390 --> 00:18:28,560 You hate them so much, 435 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,110 they are out of your life. 436 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,940 -Thank you. -You're very welcome, miss. 437 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,190 'Cause I'll tell you something, 438 00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:35,030 we have plenty of other black friends 439 00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:37,070 that would love this. 440 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,250 Let's go tell the kids the good news. 441 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,450 [LAUGHS] 442 00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:54,130 Okay... 443 00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:55,510 Which one is it, truth or dare? 444 00:18:55,550 --> 00:18:58,220 -Truth. -Okay, here we go. 445 00:18:58,260 --> 00:19:01,390 What was your most embarrassing kiss? 446 00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:03,300 Um... 447 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,060 -This stays here, right? -Uh-huh. 448 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,930 Okay, um... 449 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:10,150 There was this counselor at math camp... 450 00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,400 [WHISPERING] Now can I call Deacon and Kelly? 451 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,980 -Run, baby, run. -Yeah. 452 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,740 Come on, one more time. 453 00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:22,870 Honey, come on, please. I have to start dinner. 454 00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:25,410 I really think I can take you this time. 455 00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:26,660 Okay. 456 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,420 -Ready? -Yeah. 457 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,000 -Go. -Go! 458 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:37,800 Son of a mother. 459 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,470 I tried to go over the top on you. 460 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,680 [**] 32099

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.