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1
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:08,750
[HICCUP]
2
00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:13,300
[HICCUP]
3
00:00:13,340 --> 00:00:15,590
You got the hiccups.
4
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,050
What gave me away?
5
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,100
The hiccups?
6
00:00:20,140 --> 00:00:21,730
How about
I scare you?
7
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:23,850
Guaranteed to
get rid of them.
8
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:25,810
It's all right, Arthur.
I'm fine, thanks.
9
00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:28,190
Okay.
Suit yourself.
10
00:00:28,230 --> 00:00:30,110
I just thought--
boo!
11
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:34,360
Okay, still have the hiccups
12
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,530
and now there's tuna
on me.
13
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,070
Actually it's chicken salad
with--boo!
14
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,160
Stop!
15
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,200
-Boo!
-Stop it!
16
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,790
-Boo!
-Stop!
17
00:00:41,830 --> 00:00:43,120
I'm trying to help!
18
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:44,250
I don't need your help,
all right?
19
00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:45,330
So knock it off!
20
00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:46,460
I'm sorry, Douglas.
21
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:47,790
I was merely trying
to repay you
22
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:51,210
for all the kindness
you've shown me.
23
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:54,720
But I clearly
overstepped my bounds.
24
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,090
Believe me,
it won't happen again.
25
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,100
[HICCUP]
26
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,110
Arthur, look,
I just wanted to--
27
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:12,360
[AIR HORN BLAST]
28
00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:16,700
You're welcome.
29
00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:19,740
SINGER: * My eyesare gettin' weary*
30
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,410
* My back is gettin' tight*
31
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,410
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
32
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:27,580
* On the QueensboroBridge tonight*
33
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:32,840
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
34
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,840
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
35
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,140
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
36
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:43,720
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
37
00:01:52,190 --> 00:01:53,980
DOUG: There you go.
38
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,190
You drink it in,
39
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,610
my little meaty-weaty
steakie-weakies.
40
00:01:58,660 --> 00:01:59,910
Yes.
41
00:01:59,950 --> 00:02:01,990
Daddy's gonna give you
a nice little bath,
42
00:02:02,030 --> 00:02:04,330
and after your bath
he's gonna cook you
43
00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:06,960
and eat you.
Yes, he is. Yes, he is.
44
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,000
Hey, honey.
45
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,080
Hey, there she is.
All right,
46
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,290
let's fire up
the grill.
47
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,960
-Doug--
-Okay, now I'm in charge
48
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,170
of steak and potatoes,
49
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:15,630
so if you want
anything green,
50
00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:16,630
uh, that's all you.
51
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,170
-Doug, stop.
-What?
52
00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:19,720
I can't do this tonight.
53
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:20,840
What do you mean?
54
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:21,890
I got stuck with this report
55
00:02:21,930 --> 00:02:22,970
and it's due in the morning.
56
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,100
Ah, but we're
supposed to have
57
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:25,180
meat and movie night.
58
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:26,640
It was your idea.
59
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,850
Only the movie.
60
00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:29,140
Your idea was just
to have meat night,
61
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,900
and that was after
I bargained you down
62
00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:32,980
from meat week.
63
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,190
Carrie, this is
Kobe steak from Japan.
64
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:36,690
I've been looking
forward to this.
65
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,740
I've rehearsed
every chew. I'm ready.
66
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:40,200
I don't know, honey.
What do you want me to do?
67
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,740
I have to work.
68
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:45,290
Why are you bringing
work home with you anyway?
69
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,000
It just happened.
We were in a meeting
70
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,620
and Ms. Boone asked
if anyone had any suggestions
71
00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:52,040
on how to lower
acquisition fees.
72
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,840
Don't tell me
you said something.
73
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,130
I just said maybe
we should research
74
00:02:57,170 --> 00:02:59,670
out-of-state
escrow companies.
75
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,380
And then she said,
"Great idea, Carrie.
76
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,220
Why don't you take
the ball on this one?"
77
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,180
And you took it?
78
00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:06,640
You never
take the ball!
79
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,890
The ball's trouble,
it's always trouble.
80
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:11,310
I know! But
I had an idea.
81
00:03:11,350 --> 00:03:12,850
You--you had an idea?
82
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,730
Do you know how many times
I've had ideas at work?
83
00:03:14,770 --> 00:03:16,820
Ways to improve service,
improve safety,
84
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:20,780
prevent accidents,
but I keep my mouth shut.
85
00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:24,030
Look,
how about this--
86
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,660
we let the meat
keep marinating
87
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,040
and we'll have it
tomorrow.
88
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,080
Tomorrow? That seems
like a million years away.
89
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,920
And tomorrow it'll be meat,
movie, and menight.
90
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,920
Hmm?
91
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,920
I still get the big steak?
92
00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:40,720
Yes, honey.
93
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,760
Okay. Well, what time
will you be home?
94
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,640
I'm not sure,
but I will call
95
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,100
as soon as
I'm on my way,
96
00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:48,350
and that will be your signal
to fire up the grill.
97
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:49,770
Okay.
98
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,020
Wh-what's
the signal again?
99
00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:52,440
When I call, baby.
When I call, okay?
100
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,310
-Okay, all right.
-I got it, I got it. Yeah.
101
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:00,070
Hey! You get off of there,
get off of there!
102
00:04:00,110 --> 00:04:01,440
Let that go!
You let that go!
103
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:02,780
Relax, Douglas.
104
00:04:02,820 --> 00:04:03,990
I was just admiring
105
00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:07,030
these 2 wonderful
Kobe steaks.
106
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,280
Where's mine?
107
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:11,370
Well, if you have one,
it's still in Japan.
108
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:12,750
Always with the quips.
109
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:13,960
Seriously, is it
in the fridge?
110
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,830
No, it's just these
2 steaks, Arthur.
111
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,840
Okay, Carrie and I were gonna
have a special dinner tonight.
112
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,800
I see. What was I supposed
to eat? Dog food?
113
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,760
No. Lasagna
from last night.
114
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,800
Okay, I see how it works
around here.
115
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:28,100
Shove some leftovers
down the old man's throat,
116
00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:29,850
then as soon as
his back is turned
117
00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:32,020
out comes the champagne
and caviar!
118
00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:33,140
Okay, you know what,
Arthur?
119
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:34,310
It's one dinner.
Just relax.
120
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:37,110
I will not relax!
121
00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,820
What other luxuries
do you and Carrie
122
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,030
keep hidden from me?
123
00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,900
Nothing!
124
00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:43,280
Aha!
125
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,030
Why don't I have
any of this downstairs?
126
00:04:46,990 --> 00:04:48,160
'Cause that's
dishwashing liquid
127
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,830
and you don't have
a dishwasher.
128
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:53,250
Exactly.
Check and mate!
129
00:04:58,210 --> 00:04:59,710
-Hey.
-Hey.
130
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:01,840
Ms. Boone said anything
about your report yet?
131
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,800
No, and she's had it
all day.
132
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,180
Well, that's not
necessarily bad.
133
00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:07,260
Of course it's bad.
134
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:08,850
I know. I tried.
135
00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:10,720
My husband told me
not to take the ball.
136
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,020
I should've listened to him.
137
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:14,430
He's a very wise man.
138
00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:22,030
Well, I'm going
to head out.
139
00:05:22,070 --> 00:05:23,280
I'm meeting
some of the girls
140
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,990
at T.G.I. Friday's
for shrimp fest.
141
00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:26,110
Ok, I'll walk out
with you.
142
00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:27,360
I just gotta call
my husband
143
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,410
-and tell him I'm on my way.
-Okay.
144
00:05:36,410 --> 00:05:38,040
Actually, you know what?
You go ahead.
145
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,210
I--I gotta find out
what she thought of my report.
146
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:41,540
It's gonna drive me nuts.
147
00:05:41,590 --> 00:05:44,010
-Okay. Good luck.
-Thanks.
148
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,840
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
149
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,850
Come in.
150
00:05:50,890 --> 00:05:53,100
Uh, I was just, um,
headed out.
151
00:05:53,140 --> 00:05:55,930
Oh, you're joining
the girls for shrimp fest?
152
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,310
Uh...no.
153
00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:59,310
Actually, I just
wanted to, uh,
154
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,230
talk to you
about my report.
155
00:06:01,270 --> 00:06:03,020
Oh, yes, your report.
156
00:06:03,070 --> 00:06:04,900
Yeah, listen, I just
think you should know
157
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,360
that reports are really
not my thing, okay?
158
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,240
But I'm still
a heck of a typist
159
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,320
and I can, uh,
file like the wind,
160
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:12,950
and your personal
errands,
161
00:06:12,990 --> 00:06:15,330
mypersonal errands.
162
00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:17,580
Carrie, your report
was excellent.
163
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:19,080
-Really?
-Yes.
164
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,420
You know, I had
a good feeling about it.
165
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,130
Good work, kiddo.
166
00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:25,050
And, you know, any time
you have an idea,
167
00:06:25,090 --> 00:06:26,090
I want to hear it.
168
00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:28,510
I really value
your input.
169
00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:30,840
-Wow.
-What?
170
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:31,970
No, it's just that
I've never had
171
00:06:32,010 --> 00:06:35,140
my input valued before.
172
00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:36,390
I'm surprised,
173
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,100
because you're
obviously talented
174
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:40,270
and you've got
a lot of potential.
175
00:06:40,310 --> 00:06:41,440
You know...
176
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,020
some of the partners
are coming down
177
00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:45,480
for a conference call
with our Chicago branch
178
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:46,940
in about 20 minutes.
179
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,610
We get a deli spread
180
00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:50,570
and kind of make it
a working dinner.
181
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,910
You're welcome
to sit in if you like.
182
00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:55,120
-Really?
-Unless you have to get home.
183
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,120
Home?
184
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,870
Um...no. No.
No, no.
185
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,340
Call, damn it.
186
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:05,960
[RING]
187
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,590
Thank you.
Thank you.
188
00:07:07,630 --> 00:07:09,010
Hello? Carrie?
189
00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:10,880
CARRIE: Yeah,listen, honey--
190
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,140
You're going to sleep now.
191
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:24,150
And when you wake up,
you're gonna be in my tummy.
192
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:27,190
And so will some of you.
193
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:30,610
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
194
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,950
-What?
-CARRIE: Look, don't hang up.
195
00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:34,320
Is this part
of the signal?
196
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,370
CARRIE: No. Listen,
I just found out
197
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:39,160
that I have to work late
again tonight.
198
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,120
DOUG: No!
199
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:46,090
Honey, I'm sorry,
but my boss wants me to stay
200
00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:47,960
for an important
conference call.
201
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,510
Carrie, you promised
we'd do this tonight together.
202
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:53,680
Can't you just
get out of it?
203
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,180
I wish I could,
but I can't.
204
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:58,350
What can I say?
205
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,270
I've got another
nightmare job, you know?
206
00:08:00,310 --> 00:08:04,020
DOUG: [SIGHS]
All right. See you later.
207
00:08:06,270 --> 00:08:09,530
Mine, one-ply.
Yours, 2-ply.
208
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,660
Where's my second ply?
209
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:16,160
Arthur, you can have
a steak now. Okay, you happy?
210
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,660
I'll be happy when
I have a roach motel
211
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,160
under mysink, too.
212
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,960
All right, well,
I already pulled all the comps
213
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,340
for all the properties
in the area.
214
00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:31,300
I just need you to, um,
get the tax records, okay?
215
00:08:31,340 --> 00:08:32,380
Oh, you already got 'em?
216
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:33,720
Oh, you're the best.
Thank you.
217
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,220
Listen, I'm sorry
I'm so hyper.
218
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:38,260
It's just my first time
as team leader.
219
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,270
Okay, bye-bye.
220
00:08:41,140 --> 00:08:43,310
Team leader.
221
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,610
Yay! Honey's home!
Honey!
222
00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:50,690
-Hi, big guy. Come here.
-Hey.
223
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,150
-Ohh, that's the good stuff.
-Okay.
224
00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:54,400
Sorry I'm late
again tonight.
225
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,570
Yeah, it's, like,
every night this week.
226
00:08:56,610 --> 00:08:57,570
Yeah, I know.
227
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,410
That boss of mine
is killing me.
228
00:08:59,450 --> 00:09:00,490
[CHUCKLES]
229
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,700
I heard you
on the phone there
230
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,960
talking about being
team leader.
231
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,420
Huh? Oh, yeah. That.
232
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,210
Well, you know,
you know what they say
233
00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:08,420
crap runs downhill?
234
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:12,210
Well, meet the bottom
of the hill.
235
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,510
Very unhappy about this.
236
00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:16,760
Yeah. I gotta tell you,
on the phone there,
237
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,260
you didn't seem
that unhappy.
238
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,060
Oh, well, that's just me
putting a good front,
239
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:22,350
you know,
for those idiots.
240
00:09:22,390 --> 00:09:23,640
If I wanna keep my job,
you know what I mean?
241
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,230
'Cause if we didn't
have bills to pay--
242
00:09:25,270 --> 00:09:27,400
pop-pop-pop-pop!
You know what I'm sayin'?
243
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,520
All right.
Good night, baby.
244
00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:37,610
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
245
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,410
Aah!
246
00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:42,370
Whoa.
247
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:45,460
Ooh!
248
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,000
Whoa!
249
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,790
Ooh! Yeah!
250
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:51,630
-Ohh!
-You know what?
251
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:53,550
This game
really blows, Spence.
252
00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:54,800
SPENCE: No, it doesn't.
253
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,090
Danny and I were playing
in the apartment.
254
00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:57,720
We had a lot of fun, right?
255
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,800
Nah, it blew there too.
256
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,390
Guys, look,
257
00:10:02,430 --> 00:10:03,810
you just gotta give it
a chance, get into it.
258
00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:06,560
Ready? Look,
high pop fly! Whoo!
259
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,610
If you guys never want
to try anything new.
260
00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:14,480
You didn't even give
Nerf bowling a chance.
261
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,940
Yeah. Sorry if I didn't
want to roll a sponge
262
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,490
into 10 other sponges.
263
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:19,780
Why are you in such
a bad mood?
264
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,530
I don't want to talk
about it, all right?
265
00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:22,990
You want one
of my neck rubs?
266
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,870
You want me
to leave?
267
00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:29,790
It's not you guys,
all right? It's Carrie.
268
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,880
I mean, she's working
late every night.
269
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,130
Acting weird.
Sneaking phone calls.
270
00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:35,710
You don't think she's cheating
on you, do you?
271
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,880
No, I don't think
she's cheating.
272
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:40,510
I think she...
likes her job.
273
00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:42,720
And what's wrong
with that?
274
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,220
It's just not natural.
I mean, who likes their job?
275
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,520
I do.
276
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,730
Really?
277
00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:48,980
You like working in
a subway token booth?
278
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:50,100
-Yes, I do.
-Okay, didn't you tell me
279
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,520
someone peed under your door?
280
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,440
Yeah, but
it was a girl.
281
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,650
I had a job
I loved once.
282
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,820
I was a DJ
at a strip club.
283
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:01,870
Yeah, if you
loved it so much
284
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:03,120
why aren't you
still there?
285
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,040
Ah, apparently
some of the strippers
286
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,080
said I was making them
feel uncomfortable.
287
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,250
Oh, hey, guys.
288
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:11,620
Hey.
Where are you going?
289
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:13,080
Uh, I'm just going
to spinning class.
290
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,750
I thought you guys were going
to the Mets game.
291
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,250
Uh, it doesn't start
till 1:30.
292
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,090
Yeah. There's a ceremony
for a peanut vendor
293
00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:19,800
who fell out of
the upper deck.
294
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,510
Pretty tough guy, though.
He actually finished his shift.
295
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:24,930
All right, well,
I'm just gonna go to the gym
296
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:26,770
and then maybe a little
shop till you drop.
297
00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:29,060
Charge it!
Okay, I'll see you later.
298
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,940
-DOUG: Carrie?
-Yeah?
299
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:32,190
You look a little
lumpy there.
300
00:11:32,230 --> 00:11:34,810
Yeah. That's why
I'm going to the gym.
301
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,900
No. What do you got
going on under there?
302
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:38,110
-What are you wearing?
-Stop it.
303
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:40,150
Would you let me
see what you're--
304
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,910
Oh, my God, you've got
work clothes on.
305
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:45,990
You're sneaking to work,
on a Saturday!
306
00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:47,290
I can't believe you!
307
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:49,000
Well, I wouldn't have
had to sneak around
308
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,290
if you had the decency
309
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,250
to go to that stupid
peanut vendor's tribute.
310
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:55,960
And after all the peanuts
you've eaten.
311
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,670
Look, Doug, the only reason
I was doing that
312
00:11:57,710 --> 00:11:58,800
is because you've
been so upset
313
00:11:58,840 --> 00:11:59,960
that I had to work
so much.
314
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,090
I didn't want
to upset you more.
315
00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:02,630
-Oh, is that right?
-Yeah.
316
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,800
But if my boss says
I have to go to work
317
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,100
on a Saturday
I have to go.
318
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:06,550
Okay, you didn't have
to work.
319
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,100
You wanted to work.
Admit it!
320
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:10,770
You love your job.
321
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:14,150
Okay, yes, yes,
I love my job!
322
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:15,650
I knew it!
323
00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:17,860
I love the people,
I love how I'm treated,
324
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:19,650
I love that I'm on
the coffee list.
325
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:22,030
I love everything
about it.
326
00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:23,820
I don't even know you.
327
00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:25,700
Why do I have to
defend myself?
328
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:26,990
I mean,
I should apologize
329
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:28,160
for being happy
at work?
330
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,620
Yes, 'cause while
you're happy at work
331
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,120
I'm stuck home here
with your father,
332
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,960
who by the way is now
demanding a diaphragm
333
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,040
for hisnightstand!
334
00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:38,710
Look, I know I've been
neglecting you,
335
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:39,960
and I feel bad,
336
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,130
but we're talking
about my career here.
337
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:44,260
Career? Ooh!
338
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,010
Somebody's got
a career now.
339
00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:49,640
Oh, her Majesty the Queen
has a career!
340
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,060
Queens don't have
careers, moron.
341
00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,350
And you know what?
It would be nice
342
00:12:54,390 --> 00:12:55,940
if you could just stop
for one second
343
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:57,810
and think about me here.
344
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,030
But I guess that's just
not a Doug Heffernan thing,
345
00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,900
is it?
346
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,360
So apparently
my tartar
347
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,740
doesn't need
to be controlled.
348
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:14,210
For your information,
I was thinking of you.
349
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:16,330
Oh, really?
How ya figure?
350
00:13:16,370 --> 00:13:17,670
I just didn't want you
to get hurt.
351
00:13:17,710 --> 00:13:18,790
You know what they say,
352
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,300
goals plus time
equals heartbreak.
353
00:13:21,340 --> 00:13:22,920
And how would you know
anything about goals?
354
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,340
Well, I do, okay?
Look, you--
355
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:26,090
you don't think I could've
had a career? I could've.
356
00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:27,050
I decided not to
357
00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:28,600
-and you know why?
-Why?
358
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,060
Because I thought
it was more important
359
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,890
to work on this.
360
00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:34,890
Getting fatter?
361
00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:38,310
No.
Our relationship.
362
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,690
Well, you've clearly
done a bang-up job on that.
363
00:13:41,730 --> 00:13:42,860
Oh, okay. You know what?
That's it.
364
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:43,940
All bets are off.
365
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,200
What is that
supposed to mean?
366
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,320
I'll tell you
what it means, okay?
367
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,740
Maybe I'll stop
working on this
368
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:48,910
and start working
on my career.
369
00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:50,830
That's right, mycareer.
370
00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:52,870
Getting that big promotion,
moving up in the company,
371
00:13:52,910 --> 00:13:55,410
making the big bucks.
How'd you like that, huh?
372
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,210
I would love that.
373
00:13:58,290 --> 00:14:00,880
Oh, it's on, baby!
374
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,630
It's on!
375
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:10,850
Sir, you got
a moment?
376
00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:11,890
Yeah, I know, Heffernan.
377
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:12,970
The machine's
out of milk duds.
378
00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:13,970
The guy's coming tomorrow.
379
00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:18,230
No, that's, uh,
it's actually not about that.
380
00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:20,770
It's not?
What is it, then?
381
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:22,070
[CLEARS THROAT]
382
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:28,280
DOUG: Where is
Doug Heffernan...
383
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,160
going?
384
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:32,950
You're going to, uh...
385
00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:34,790
Brooklyn.
386
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,290
No, I meant
in my career.
387
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:37,870
You know,
I've been here, like,
388
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,170
10 years and I just--
389
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:41,130
I think I deserve
the chance
390
00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:42,380
to move up.
391
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:44,130
Heffernan,
last week I asked
392
00:14:44,170 --> 00:14:47,130
if anybody wanted to apply
for assistant supervisor,
393
00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:50,180
I believe that
your response was, uh...
394
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:52,180
[MUFFLED HAND-FART SOUND]
395
00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:54,140
You gotta--you gotta
relax your lower lip.
396
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:57,310
It's, uh--
[HAND-FART SOUND]
397
00:14:57,350 --> 00:14:59,980
Doug, just--just go get
on your route, huh?
398
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,730
Look, sir, I'm gonna
level with you.
399
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:03,270
I'm gonna need you
to give me
400
00:15:03,310 --> 00:15:04,820
some kind
of promotion here.
401
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:05,900
Why?
402
00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:07,150
[SIGHS]
403
00:15:07,190 --> 00:15:08,450
I had a big fight
with my wife
404
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,820
about her moving up
in her job
405
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:11,410
and I told her
that I could, too.
406
00:15:11,450 --> 00:15:14,990
Oh, you really painted yourself
into a corner on that one.
407
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,410
Look, it doesn't even have
to be anything big.
408
00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:18,000
It's just something
I could take home
409
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:21,370
and, you know, use to
make her feel like crap.
410
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,500
Well, let me see.
411
00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:26,380
Oh, well, you know...
412
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,340
the union says
413
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:29,840
gotta get somebody
to organize
414
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,340
the C.P.R.
and the safety program.
415
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:34,140
See? That would be great.
416
00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:36,010
Can it have a title?
417
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:39,520
Oh, God.
How about safety monitor?
418
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,810
How about safety chief?
419
00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:43,440
How about you get
your ass in your truck
420
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,440
'cause I'm sick
of your face?
421
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,070
[SOFTLY]
Safety chief.
422
00:15:53,910 --> 00:15:55,830
Okay, tilt head back
423
00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:59,750
and begin
chest compressions.
424
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:03,920
Damn it, Alvarez,
don't you die on me.
425
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:10,760
Oh, sure, there's no sex doll
for me, is there?
426
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,300
Okay, Arthur,
it's a CPR dummy.
427
00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:13,890
You don't fool me.
428
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:17,260
Look at that lifelike skin,
those full, pouting lips.
429
00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:22,270
Look, uh, Carrie's not home yet,
so I sent out for Chinese.
430
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:23,480
Don't need it.
431
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:27,320
I'll be enjoying
a delicious Kobe steak,
432
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,570
one that you're not
getting a bite of.
433
00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:32,490
Okay, you know what?
That's not Kobe steak.
434
00:16:32,530 --> 00:16:35,410
Read the label,
you illiterate baboon.
435
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:39,080
One hundred percent Kobe beef.
436
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,870
Okay, you wrote that
with a ballpoint pen.
437
00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:44,460
And you misspelled "beef."
438
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,210
You're still not getting any.
439
00:16:51,340 --> 00:16:53,550
Hey. Did I come home
a little early?
440
00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:54,930
No, I was just
getting up to speed
441
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,890
on my new I.P.S.
Position--
442
00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:57,930
safety chief.
443
00:16:57,970 --> 00:17:00,890
That's right.
Safety chief.
444
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:02,060
-Really?
-Yep.
445
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,180
I'm in charge of
everything safety
446
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:04,440
and first-aid
related.
447
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,440
All urine testing
goes through me.
448
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,860
All? Wow.
449
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:10,110
Wow is right.
You know,
450
00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,480
I've only been
trying to get ahead
451
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:12,940
for, like, a day
and already I got this.
452
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,360
I better slow down
or I'm gonna leave you
453
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,110
in the dust.
454
00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:19,280
Look, Doug, I know
you only did this
455
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,450
out of spite toward me,
456
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:22,200
but whatever the reason
I'm really happy
457
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,460
that you're trying
to better yourself
458
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,920
and I just hope
you keep it up.
459
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,290
Rowrr!
460
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,300
Kids, I was cutting the gristle
from my Kobe steak
461
00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:35,010
and I seem to have
cut my thumb quite badly.
462
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,130
CARRIE: Oh, Dad, let me
take a look--
463
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,300
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I will handle it.
464
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:38,930
I'm safety chief.
Come on, Arthur.
465
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,180
-Come on, Doug--
-Dadadada!
466
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:42,020
Fine.
467
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,480
Okay. Work this right out
right now.
468
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:46,940
Let me see here.
469
00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,150
"Burns, choking...
470
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:51,940
lacerations--"
where's cuts?
471
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:53,530
Lacerations is cuts.
472
00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:56,990
Hey, handling it.
473
00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:58,570
Got it.
474
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,910
Okay. Here we go.
475
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,130
What are you planning
on doing, Douglas?
476
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,300
Okay. Uh, let's see here.
477
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:16,010
It just says to
apply bandage as shown.
478
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,340
Doug, you have to
disinfect it
479
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,890
-before you put the bandage on.
-Okay. Hey,
480
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,350
don't you have
a team to lead somewhere?
481
00:18:21,390 --> 00:18:22,390
Ow!
482
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:23,470
You're making it
bigger.
483
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,140
Would you--
relax, okay?
484
00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:27,980
I'm just gonna get my tape.
Just hold that right there.
485
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,230
If I don't make it,
486
00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:31,360
the box under my bed
belongs to a friend.
487
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,440
I swear.
488
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,940
All right,
enough of this.
489
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,240
DOUG: No, I got it.
490
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,360
I will handle it--
aah! Crap!
491
00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:41,570
That's the wrong
stuff, okay?
492
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,030
It's
the right stuff.
493
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,580
Okay, if it's the right stuff
give me some,
494
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:46,580
'cause I need
a little bit here.
495
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,960
CARRIE: Hey.
496
00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:56,970
Look, I'm sorry
I stepped in down there,
497
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,050
but it's just
I didn't want my dad
498
00:18:58,090 --> 00:19:02,390
to, you know,
bleed to death.
499
00:19:02,430 --> 00:19:05,600
But that doesn't mean
you're not still safety chief.
500
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,270
I'm no safety chief.
501
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:09,390
Oh, come on. They wouldn't
have given you that badge
502
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,060
if you weren't up
to the job.
503
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,230
They didn't give it
to me, all right?
504
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:14,440
I had it made
at a Kinko's.
505
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,650
All right,
what can I do
506
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:19,610
to get things back
to the way they were?
507
00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:21,110
Hate your job.
508
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,740
Honey, I want to,
but I just don't.
509
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:26,200
Why does this
bother you so much?
510
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,500
It's just--
we've always been people
511
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:29,580
who work
'cause we had to work.
512
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:32,080
You know, we gave
40 hours a week to "the man"
513
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,670
so we could spend
the other 40 hours here,
514
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:35,550
home, together.
515
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:39,760
Doug, a week
has more than...
516
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,130
never mind.
517
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,760
Doug, just because
I love my job
518
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,510
doesn't mean I don't love
my time here with you.
519
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,060
[SCOFFS] Yeah, but--
520
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,100
when you come home
from a job you hate,
521
00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:50,390
being with me is like
a step up, you know?
522
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,770
Now when you come home
you're like,
523
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:53,310
"Hey, honey, I'm home--
oh, that's right,
524
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,480
this place sucks."
525
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,440
Come on, that's crazy.
526
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,070
Look, whatever.
It's not your problem, you know.
527
00:19:58,110 --> 00:19:59,490
I'll just have to get used
to you coming home
528
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,400
all happy and fulfilled
529
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:04,120
and on the coffee list.
530
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,120
Doug, you're
overreacting.
531
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,450
I'll always love
coming home to you.
532
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,000
And besides,
being on the coffee list
533
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,210
is no treat.
They go to
534
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:12,580
this really fancy
Italian restaurant
535
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:14,460
where the coffee's
really bitter.
536
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:17,090
Really?
I mean, the coffee's bad?
537
00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:18,250
Yeah, really bad.
538
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,590
Wow.
539
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,220
I mean, coffee's, like,
the first thing you have
540
00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:23,640
in the morning,
so if that's bad,
541
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,720
that gets your day off
to a crappy start, huh?
542
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,770
Yes, yes,
a really crappy start.
543
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:33,650
-That is too bad.
-Yeah, it's the worst.
544
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:34,810
What else you got?
545
00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:37,270
Um...
546
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,440
Oh, one of the drawers
on my desk sticks,
547
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:41,610
so I gotta yank on it
548
00:20:41,650 --> 00:20:42,780
and then the whole thing
comes out.
549
00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:46,490
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
-Yeah, yeah.
550
00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:48,330
Oh, and then they hired
this new guy
551
00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:50,160
who's really sleazy.
He's always rubbing
552
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,830
up against me
in the copy room.
553
00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:54,040
-That's awesome.
-Yeah.
554
00:20:56,210 --> 00:20:57,540
Listen, you're not
just saying this
555
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,090
to make me feel better,
are you?
556
00:20:59,130 --> 00:21:02,130
No, no. I mean, the guy
is--is a total perv.
557
00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:03,470
His hands
are all over me.
558
00:21:03,510 --> 00:21:07,430
Makes me feel dirty
and cheap and violated.
559
00:21:07,470 --> 00:21:09,470
I love you.
560
00:21:25,110 --> 00:21:28,450
[HICCUPS]
561
00:21:33,790 --> 00:21:35,870
Ahh!
562
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,790
Works every time.
563
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:45,630
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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