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1
00:00:04,330 --> 00:00:07,170
*My back is gettin' tight*
2
00:00:07,210 --> 00:00:09,130
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
3
00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:11,760
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
4
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:17,510
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
5
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:21,350
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
6
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:24,690
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
7
00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:28,730
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
8
00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:38,240
DOUG: Follow the break.
Follow the break.
9
00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:43,580
Oh, good Lord,
I am gifted.
10
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:45,710
Hey, hey, hey,
come here. Come here.
11
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:46,960
-What?
-Come here, quick.
12
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,380
-Come over here.
-What? What? What?
13
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:49,750
Look.
14
00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:51,460
It's me bowling.
15
00:00:53,050 --> 00:00:57,220
Okay. Glad I swallowed
my gum for that.
16
00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:59,720
I had Deac videotape
my stroke, you know,
17
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,270
to help me get ready for
the tournament this weekend.
18
00:01:02,310 --> 00:01:03,810
You want to watch it
with frame advance?
19
00:01:03,850 --> 00:01:05,440
Do I!
20
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:07,940
Okay, ball back...
21
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,560
plant...
22
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:10,650
release...
23
00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:11,650
follow-through.
24
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:12,780
Whoa!
25
00:01:12,820 --> 00:01:13,940
What? What?
26
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,030
Looks like somebody needs
27
00:01:15,070 --> 00:01:17,780
to wear a belt
when they bowl.
28
00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:20,240
Oh, you're right.
29
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,240
Little too much alley
on display right there.
30
00:01:24,410 --> 00:01:26,080
It's weird.
I've never really...
31
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,330
seen myself
from that angle before.
32
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:32,630
Well, Ihavehad
the pleasure, so offy.
33
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,170
So, what's in the bag?
34
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,760
What's in the bag?
Oh, just our future.
35
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,140
Does our future include
any sort of chicken?
36
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,140
'Cause I'm
very, very hungry.
37
00:01:42,180 --> 00:01:44,850
Sorry. But get this.
Mr. Kaplan, as in,
38
00:01:44,890 --> 00:01:47,560
king of the whole friggin'
law firm Mr. Kaplan,
39
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,270
is getting ready to make me
his new secretary.
40
00:01:51,310 --> 00:01:53,530
Oh, come on. That guy's
been dangling that job
41
00:01:53,570 --> 00:01:55,150
in front of you
for 2 years.
42
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:58,780
But he hasn't
seen these.
43
00:02:01,490 --> 00:02:04,830
TOY DOG:
Please rub my tummy!
44
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:08,830
I think you would have had
a better shot with a hooker.
45
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,340
These are for his son.
46
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:15,840
He has a 4-year-old from
his second marriage.
47
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,090
His wife is out of town,
48
00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:18,430
so he asked me
if I would watch his son
49
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:19,630
in the office
for a couple days,
50
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,220
and I said
I would be delighted.
51
00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:23,300
But you hate kids.
52
00:02:23,350 --> 00:02:24,470
Not this one.
53
00:02:24,510 --> 00:02:25,810
I'm going to ride
this little putz
54
00:02:25,850 --> 00:02:28,310
all the way to the top.
55
00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:29,980
All right. We'll have fun.
I got to meet the guys
56
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:31,770
down at the bowling alley
to practice.
57
00:02:31,810 --> 00:02:32,980
-Ah-bup-bup-bup!
-What?
58
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,320
-Belt. Yeah.
-Right-o.
59
00:02:41,570 --> 00:02:43,950
Hey, you guys catch
the Knick game last night?
60
00:02:43,990 --> 00:02:45,330
Nah. Who won?
61
00:02:45,370 --> 00:02:46,750
Jeez, you believe they let
the freakin' Grizzlies
62
00:02:46,790 --> 00:02:47,830
take 'em
to overtime?
63
00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:49,410
DANNY: Hello? Who won?
64
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,670
The Knicks. Why didn't
you watch?
65
00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:53,460
Ah, I couldn't watch
anything last night.
66
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,840
Spence was hooking up
his new TiVo.
67
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,010
What's that?
68
00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:59,470
Ah, it's some new
fancy digital thing
69
00:02:59,510 --> 00:03:01,430
that records
television shows for you.
70
00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:03,430
Except I'm not allowed
to touch it.
71
00:03:03,470 --> 00:03:04,850
But I'll tell you something.
72
00:03:04,890 --> 00:03:08,270
If he thinks he's getting
near my rice maker ever again,
73
00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:10,770
he's in for
a rude surprise.
74
00:03:10,810 --> 00:03:12,400
Mark my words!
75
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:15,770
All right.
76
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:16,900
Hey, guys.
77
00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:18,740
DOUG: Hey! Hey, Tanya!
What's going on?
78
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,650
Listen, I just wanted
to come over to say good-bye.
79
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,700
Today was my last day
at the shoe rental counter.
80
00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,070
[ALL GROAN]
81
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,410
Where are you off to
from there?
82
00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:27,540
Well, I got a job
at Payless in Almherst.
83
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:30,540
It's gonna be so nice to work
with new shoes for a change.
84
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:32,370
-Oh, I hear that, yeah.
-TANYA: Yeah.
85
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,080
But don't worry.
You're going to love
the new girl.
86
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,250
Her name's Denise.
She's very sweet.
87
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,050
ALL: Yeah. All right.
Great.
88
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,260
Well, good luck
in the tournament.
89
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,470
I'll see you guys.
90
00:03:45,510 --> 00:03:48,260
ALL: Take care.
See you. Bye-bye, T.
91
00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:50,430
Wow.
92
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,060
It's like we just went
from a Rolls-Royce
93
00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,060
to a Ford Fiesta.
94
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,360
From now on,
95
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,190
I'll be renting
my shoes over the phone.
96
00:03:57,230 --> 00:03:58,570
[ALL LAUGH]
97
00:03:58,610 --> 00:04:00,820
That snack bar waitress
with the glass eye
98
00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:02,490
just moved up the charts.
99
00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:04,450
Yeah, so did
the alley boy.
100
00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:05,740
-[LAUGHS]
-[LAUGHS]
101
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,240
You guys,
you're idiots, man.
102
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,580
Just give her a break.
103
00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:10,250
Not until she
gives me a break
104
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:12,330
and starts wearing
a paper bag.
105
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:14,830
[ALL LAUGH]
106
00:04:14,870 --> 00:04:16,330
Hey, where are
you going?
107
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:17,840
I'm going over there
to talk to her, man.
108
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,340
Think how she feels.
109
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:22,170
Usually there are guys lined up
like 3 deep to hit on Tanya.
110
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,130
But now look.
Nothing, right?
111
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,430
You know what
I'm going to do?
112
00:04:25,470 --> 00:04:27,010
I'm going to go over there
and make her day.
113
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,810
Oh, hi.
Can I help you?
114
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:37,980
So you must be this Denise
I keep hearing about.
115
00:04:39,190 --> 00:04:40,400
Yeah.
116
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:41,940
Well, Denise, I'm Doug,
and on behalf
117
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:46,490
of the entire Bowl-a-Rama
family of bowlers...welcome.
118
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,370
Um...
119
00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:49,450
[LAUGHS] Thanks.
120
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,040
Wow. Your eyes
are killer.
121
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,830
They're like the exact
same color as my ball.
122
00:05:05,510 --> 00:05:07,470
Hey, shoe question
for you.
123
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:09,930
Why do they make
the half sizes
124
00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:12,140
with the line under
the number, you know?
125
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:13,390
Why not use just
the old, like,
126
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:14,480
half symbol, you know?
127
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,440
What's the deal
with that?
128
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,270
Um, I--I really don't know.
129
00:05:18,310 --> 00:05:20,400
It's crazy, though,
isn't it?
130
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,860
Do you want
to rent shoes or not?
131
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,110
No, I, uh--
I have my own.
132
00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:29,030
Um, okay, well,
I'll see you.
133
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,910
Wow. She lit up like
a Christmas tree.
134
00:05:32,950 --> 00:05:35,250
Shut it.
135
00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:38,000
[**]
136
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,340
Hello, Carrie.
137
00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:47,680
Oh, hi, Mr. Kaplan.
And who is this?
138
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,470
Is this the new lawyer
I've been hearing about?
139
00:05:49,510 --> 00:05:53,010
[LAUGHS] No, no, he's
a few years away from that.
140
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,720
Jordan,
this is Carrie.
141
00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:57,060
She's going to be your friend
for the next few days.
142
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:59,310
-Hi.
-CARRIE: Hi, Jordan.
143
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,020
We're going to have
a lot of fun.
144
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,190
Oh, if we only
had some toys.
145
00:06:02,230 --> 00:06:04,860
Uh-oh, you found them.
Good work, buddy.
146
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:07,360
All these toys you bought.
My goodness.
147
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:08,610
Oh, I'm happy to do it.
148
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,410
Is this the kind of stuff
he usually likes?
149
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:12,410
To tell you the truth,
I have no idea.
150
00:06:12,450 --> 00:06:14,870
His mother handles
the day-to-day stuff.
151
00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:17,210
Anyway, Carrie,
thanks a lot.
152
00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:18,540
You're a lifesaver.
153
00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:21,130
My own secretary
wanted no part of this.
154
00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:24,460
Just one more reason for me
to give old Marge the heave-ho.
155
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,590
Oh. Well, that's none
of my affair.
156
00:06:26,630 --> 00:06:28,170
All I know is I love kids,
157
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:30,390
and I could have that desk
packed up in 5 minutes.
158
00:06:30,430 --> 00:06:31,720
[LAUGHS]
159
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,300
Well, Jordan,
just have fun.
160
00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:36,270
Daddy'll come
get you at lunchtime.
161
00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:38,600
Do you like Indian food?
162
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,230
We'll figure it out.
163
00:06:40,270 --> 00:06:41,400
See ya.
164
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,820
Okay. Bye-bye.
165
00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:48,450
Hey, what you got there?
166
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:52,200
A train? Choo choo!
167
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,950
Choo--
168
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,250
Oh, I...
169
00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,000
I didn't mean
for you to stop, I...
170
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,750
No, come on,
you got to get the train
going to the next station,
171
00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:03,920
or it's going to--whoa. Okay.
172
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,590
[LAUGHS] I don't think
that's the next station, buddy.
173
00:07:06,630 --> 00:07:09,670
Ha ha. No, it's right here
by Mr. Teddy Bear.
174
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,800
Choo--whoa. All right.
175
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,350
Um...
176
00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:14,640
Jordan, honey,
177
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,720
you see all these things
on the floor here?
178
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,180
Those are your toys. Yeah.
179
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:20,520
And these 2 things
on my body?
180
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,400
Those are not your toys.
181
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,400
No, no, no, no. Ha ha.
182
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,400
Hey, since you like
squeezing things,
183
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,860
why don't we play
with this stuff, huh?
184
00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:30,280
This is good.
185
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,160
It's fun. You can
make it into a ball,
186
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,160
or a snake--
187
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,790
Okay.
188
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:39,620
[**]
189
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,460
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
190
00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:44,040
Coming.
191
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,130
Oh, hey, Holly.
192
00:07:47,170 --> 00:07:48,300
Hey, Spence.
193
00:07:48,340 --> 00:07:49,670
Is my little guy
ready for his walk?
194
00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:51,260
Oh, more than ready.
195
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:52,470
He had some Snausages
last night
196
00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:54,300
that did not
agree with him.
197
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:57,470
Oh. Been there, done that.
198
00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,390
Hey, um, do you want
to see my new purchase?
199
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:01,980
Oh, your
Spider-Man suit?
200
00:08:02,020 --> 00:08:03,480
You modeled it
for me last week.
201
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:04,560
No, no, no, no, no.
202
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,480
It's--it's my TiVo.
203
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,730
See, it's this thing
that records TV shows,
204
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:11,740
but the cool part is,
it's intuitive.
205
00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:14,070
See, once you program in
some shows you like,
206
00:08:14,110 --> 00:08:16,490
it gets to know your taste
and then automatically
207
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:19,290
picks out and records
shows for you.
208
00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:20,790
Wow. See ya.
209
00:08:20,830 --> 00:08:22,290
No, no, no, no.
Come here.
210
00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:24,420
Just come sit.
211
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,080
Now, the other day,
212
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:30,380
I programmed inSex in the City,Six Feet Under,
213
00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:31,510
a few other favorites.
214
00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:34,090
And now...presto.
215
00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:36,140
A whole list of shows
TiVo recorded just for me.
216
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,760
Oh.Priscilla,Queen of the Desert.
217
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:42,060
Never heard of it,
but TiVo knows I like it.
218
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:45,520
Judy Garland:Live at Carnegie Hall.
219
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:46,480
Uh, okay, I--
220
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,570
Decorating with Style.
221
00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:49,730
I--I--don't know why--
222
00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:52,400
Queer as Folk.
223
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,780
Oh, my God!
TiVo thinks I'm gay!
224
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:02,620
[**]
225
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,670
All right, boys, it's time
to get serious here.
226
00:09:06,710 --> 00:09:08,710
This is our last practice
before the big dance.
227
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:10,250
Tomorrow
the world learns
228
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,760
what the men of I.P.S.
Are made of.
229
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,920
[LAUGHS]
Let's do it!
230
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,130
Hey, who's
our first match against?
231
00:09:14,170 --> 00:09:16,590
Uh, Mailboxes Etc.
232
00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:19,140
Damn post office wannabes.
233
00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:21,100
Ah, crap.
234
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:22,520
Anybody got
an extra lace?
235
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,100
Uh, no, I don't
have one, but, um,
236
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,730
why don't you go get one
from your girlfriend?
237
00:09:28,810 --> 00:09:29,860
Yeah, go ahead.
238
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,150
Make her night. [LAUGHS]
239
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:32,690
"Make her night."
240
00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:34,400
That is so great!
[LAUGHING]
241
00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:37,610
Oh, my,
you're good! Oh!
242
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,870
Come on, man, look,
243
00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:40,410
she did dust you off
pretty good.
244
00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:42,240
All right, look,
she's new around here, okay?
245
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,950
Maybe she's just nervous
in front of the customers.
246
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,960
Sure, that's it.
247
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,670
[LAUGHS]
248
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,710
Hi.
249
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:55,970
Can I help you?
250
00:09:56,010 --> 00:09:58,470
Yeah, I need a pack
of laces. How much?
251
00:09:58,510 --> 00:09:59,840
Um, I'm not sure.
252
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,100
Let me ask myboyfriend.
253
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,890
Trevor!
254
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,140
Yeah?
255
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,980
Um, sorry to bother
you,sweetie,
256
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:11,310
but, um, this guy
says he broke a lace.
257
00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:17,200
Broke a shoelace?
258
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:18,660
Yeah, they break.
259
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,160
They're not made
of steel.
260
00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:24,490
That's a buck.
261
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,040
Thank you.
262
00:10:27,790 --> 00:10:29,000
Babe, you look
hot tonight.
263
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,170
[CHUCKLES]
Come on, stop.
264
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,750
We're at work.
265
00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:38,430
Anything else?
266
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:40,550
No, that's all.
Thanks.
267
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:49,850
Unbelievable.
268
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:52,020
-What happened?
-She must've thought I was
hittin' on her last night,
269
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:55,280
'cause she made a big show
of trotting out her boyfriend
in front of me.
270
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,780
"Hey, sweetie, I love you.
271
00:10:56,820 --> 00:11:00,530
Please help me sell
this sweaty horrible man
a shoelace."
272
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,700
Well, who's
her boyfriend?
273
00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:03,990
That guy right there.
274
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,540
That guy?
275
00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:09,330
-That's her brother!
-[ALL LAUGHING]
276
00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:12,210
Her brother?
277
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:13,380
She had to get
her brother
278
00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:14,540
to pretend
to be her boyfriend?
279
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,210
I'm that much
of a sleazeball?
280
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:18,720
[ALL LAUGHING]
281
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,880
I guess so!
282
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,630
Hey, I was
doing her a favor!
283
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:22,890
It was a mercy flirt!
284
00:11:22,930 --> 00:11:24,510
[ALL LAUGHING]
285
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,230
CARRIE: See, Jordan,
those are Chinese handcuffs.
286
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:34,060
Uh-oh! Now your hands
are stuck.
287
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,320
It's fun being stuck,
isn't it?
288
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,900
Let's be stuck all day.
289
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:40,400
But I will read you
a little book,
290
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,450
Okay,
while you are--ohh!
291
00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,070
No! No!
292
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,530
-What a pair!
-What?!
293
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,240
The two of you.
You look great together.
294
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,330
-Oh!
-How's it going?
295
00:11:48,370 --> 00:11:51,670
Um, well,
actually, uh...
296
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,210
it's going great.
It really is.
297
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,340
-Fantastic.
-Yeah...
298
00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:59,130
You really
are a lifesaver.
299
00:11:59,170 --> 00:12:00,220
You have fun, kiddo.
300
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:01,800
[CHUCKLES]
301
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,480
[**]
302
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,030
Hey, sweetie, you wanna
grab some dinner?
303
00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:22,400
Anything
but Chinese, though,
304
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,570
'cause I had
Chinese for lunch.
305
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,870
Unless you really
want Chinese.
306
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:30,870
Let's get Chinese!
307
00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:33,290
Anybody home?
308
00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,250
Uh, I'm not hungry.
309
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,130
What? What's wrong?
310
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:40,130
Oh, it's this thing
with Kaplan's kid.
311
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:41,590
What's the matter?
312
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,340
You got a little Dennis
the Menace on your hands, huh?
313
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,140
What, he put
a frog in your desk?
314
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,970
Give you
a little hotfoot?
315
00:12:47,010 --> 00:12:49,720
He feels me up constantly.
316
00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:52,060
Huh?
317
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:55,600
Yeah. He grabs my breasts
every chance he gets.
318
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,650
Come on, he's a kid!
That's what kids do.
319
00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:59,610
And besides, I remember
you laughin' pretty hard
320
00:12:59,650 --> 00:13:03,530
when Deacon's baby used
my dealie as a speed bag.
321
00:13:03,570 --> 00:13:05,740
Doug, this is
totally different!
322
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:07,240
I mean, this kid--
he--he's old enough
323
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,580
to know exactly
what he's doing!
324
00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:12,120
I'm being
sexually harassed!
325
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:13,160
You are not.
326
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,580
I am!
Think about it. Okay?
327
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,960
The kid gropes me.
I can't complain
about it,
328
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,500
or I won't get
my promotion.
329
00:13:19,540 --> 00:13:22,010
That's
sexual harassment 101.
330
00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:24,010
He's no better
than any other sleazeball
331
00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:26,720
who thinks all women
are fair game.
332
00:13:28,430 --> 00:13:31,600
Oh, so you just assume
he's a sleazeball.
333
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:32,890
Yeah, I do.
334
00:13:32,930 --> 00:13:34,520
Really? Did you ever stop
to think that maybe
335
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,850
he's just throwing
you a mercy flirt?
336
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,980
Huh? Yeah.
337
00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:42,530
Yeah, maybe that he's
just feeling you up
338
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:46,030
as a favor to you?
Huh?
339
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,490
What?!
340
00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:49,120
Yeah, you women
are all the same,
341
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,490
you know that?
342
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,040
You think that every
guy's after you
343
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,580
'cause you're
soirresistible!
344
00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:56,540
Hey, here's an idea--why
don't you get your brother
345
00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:58,210
to pretend to be
your boyfriend?
346
00:13:58,250 --> 00:13:59,540
That'll show him!
347
00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:01,040
What are you talking--
I don't even--
348
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,130
I don't have
a brother!
349
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,340
Oh, please!
350
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:05,800
Doug, what are you
sticking up for him for?
351
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,470
I mean, you should be
going down to my office
352
00:14:07,510 --> 00:14:09,300
and beatin' the crap
out of him!
353
00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:11,390
OK, first of all,
I haven't beaten the crap
354
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,770
out of a 4-year-old
since I was 8.
355
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,190
And second of all,
I'm with the boy
on this one.
356
00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:20,730
Sorry if that's a kick
in the Corn Flakes,
357
00:14:20,770 --> 00:14:23,360
but that's the way
it is, sister!
358
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,820
-You're crazy!
-Oh, here we go!
359
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:27,900
-All men are crazy!
-No, not all men! Just you.
360
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,360
Oh, really? I'm crazy?
Well, you know what?
361
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,530
Crazy man go bye-bye.
362
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,910
-Bye-bye!
-Bye-bye! Yeah!
363
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,500
What do you want
from Chinese?
364
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,590
Mmm!
365
00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:46,920
Yeah!
366
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:50,800
Oh, hey, Spence,
you're home.
367
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:51,970
Just now. Um...
368
00:14:52,010 --> 00:14:53,350
Do you have a second?
369
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:54,720
Oh, actually,
one of my clients
370
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,680
is getting neutered,
and I should be there.
371
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,230
Well, just--
just for a second.
372
00:14:58,270 --> 00:14:59,890
Just sit.
For a second.
373
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,980
-Okay.
-Okay.
374
00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:02,980
Um...
375
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,900
Remember,
for some reason,
376
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:06,150
TiVo thought
I was gay?
377
00:15:06,190 --> 00:15:07,940
I mean, how crazy
was that?
378
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:10,030
Phew...
it was crazy.
379
00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:12,030
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, well...
380
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:13,700
I have a feeling
381
00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:15,990
TiVo won't be making
any more dumb mistakes.
382
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,080
See, I let it know
383
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,330
what a big
sports fan I am.
384
00:15:18,370 --> 00:15:19,540
-Oh...
-Yeah.
385
00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:21,830
Had it record my football,
my hoops,
386
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,130
that NASCAR race
I've been wantin' to see.
387
00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:25,250
So...
388
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,510
let's see what shows
TiVo recorded
389
00:15:27,550 --> 00:15:30,510
now that it knows
I'm a sports junkie.
390
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:33,890
Men's ice dancing.
391
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,470
-Okay...
-What--what the--
392
00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:39,600
Breaking the Surface:The Greg Louganis Story.
393
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:40,690
-Oh...
-This is wrong!
394
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:42,190
No, you said TiVo
was intuitive...
395
00:15:42,230 --> 00:15:44,400
No, no! I--I--
I'm not gay, okay?
396
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,480
I love women.
I've stalked them!
397
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,900
I'll--I'll have sex with you
right now if you want!
398
00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:50,240
Um...
399
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,160
I'm good. Listen...
400
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,490
Uh, I should go.
Hey, um,
401
00:15:53,530 --> 00:15:54,780
good luck with
that whole...
402
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,040
-not gay thing. I--I--
-[STUTTERING]
403
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,540
TiVo's wrong!
This is wrong!
404
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:01,580
Oh, how dare you label me!
405
00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:03,880
"Oh, I record shows digitally."
406
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,540
You're gay!
407
00:16:13,590 --> 00:16:16,050
-[PINS CRASH]
-MAN: Yes!
408
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,390
Whoo!
409
00:16:17,430 --> 00:16:19,270
So, how's it goin'?
410
00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:20,600
Not so good.
411
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:21,980
What's the matter?
412
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:24,350
I'm being
sexually harassed.
413
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,440
Really?
414
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,520
Me, too!
Who's harassing you?
415
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,110
A 4-year-old.
416
00:16:30,150 --> 00:16:31,530
You?
417
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:33,320
TiVo.
418
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,160
MAN [OVER P.A.]:Attention,tournament bowlers,
419
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,030
please make sure your lineupcards are filled out.
420
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,280
Denise will be coming around
421
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,950
in a few minutesto collect them.
422
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,870
Will you forget about
that girl and focus here?
423
00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:43,460
Yeah, yeah.
424
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,210
[PINS CLATTER]
425
00:16:47,250 --> 00:16:49,170
Yeah!
426
00:17:06,770 --> 00:17:07,940
Got your
lineup card?
427
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:09,440
Oh, yeah,
right here.
428
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:10,610
Mmm.
Good luck!
429
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:12,150
Thanks.
430
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:15,360
What the hell
was that?
431
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,570
Nothing. She was
getting our lineup card.
432
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,030
Did you see her
trying to avoid me?
433
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,790
I'm surprised she didn't
burrow under the alley
434
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:22,790
like a ferret.
435
00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:24,620
Okay, listen to me.
436
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:26,460
Last year
in this tournament,
437
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:27,830
we lost
to Pottery Barn.
438
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,130
We got
our asses kicked
439
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,630
by people who sell
decorative candles.
440
00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:32,960
Now, I need you
to play your game
441
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,930
and stop worrying about
the damn shoe girl.
442
00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:37,890
You're right.
She's just a shoe girl.
443
00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:39,510
I mean, who the hell
does she think she is,
444
00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:40,680
copping an attitude
with me?!
445
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,060
I mean, if I was
goin' after a girl,
446
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,850
I could get somebody
much better than her,
447
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,390
much better!
448
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,900
Wait a second. I did.
449
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,650
And she's here right now.
450
00:17:50,690 --> 00:17:53,530
You know what? I'm gonna
go show Denise what's what.
451
00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:57,280
-Hey!
-Hey.
452
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,990
How about a kiss
from my lucky charm?
453
00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:00,620
-Hmm?
-All right.
454
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:03,160
-There you go.
-Good luck.
455
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,200
Come on, now,
you can do better than that.
456
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,580
Lay one on me.
Just give me
457
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:06,750
a nice little
kiss here, huh?
458
00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:07,960
Honey, I don't feel
like it, okay?
459
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,420
I've been clawed at
by that kid all day.
460
00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:11,210
All right, well, just give
me a little sugar.
461
00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:12,300
I'm really not
in the mood.
462
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:13,760
Can you just let--
get off of me!
463
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,010
-What is wro--
-Give me one little kiss!
464
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:19,090
CARRIE: Will you please stop?
465
00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:24,310
Stop it!
466
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:29,600
I'm telling you,
this thing
467
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,400
with Jordan
is driving me crazy!
468
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,650
Carrie, I know you
feel violated,
469
00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:34,940
but hang in there.
470
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,950
In 2 days, he'll be
back in preschool.
471
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,910
I can't take
another 2 days
of this, all right?
472
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:41,530
Every time I blink,
I see a pair
473
00:18:41,570 --> 00:18:44,950
of grubby little hands
and a Garanimals shirt.
474
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,370
[SIGHS]
475
00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:48,710
You know what?
476
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:49,830
I'm just
gonna tell Kaplan
477
00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:51,290
that I can't
do it anymore.
478
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,550
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
479
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,010
Hi, Mr. Kaplan.
480
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:02,390
-Oh, good morning, Carrie.
-Hi.
481
00:19:02,430 --> 00:19:03,680
C-can I talk to you
for a second
482
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,060
about
my watching Jordan?
483
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,520
Well, actually, I'm glad
you brought that up.
484
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,900
Seems the young fellow
wants to make a change.
485
00:19:10,940 --> 00:19:12,810
What kind of change?
486
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,820
Well...
to be honest with you,
487
00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:19,450
he's kind of taken
a shine to Amanda.
488
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,410
Thanks for all
your help Carrie.
489
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:31,250
Sure.
490
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,340
Hey, Jordan.
491
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:46,100
I heard about your decision.
I guess I understand.
492
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,640
I just hope you
tell your father
493
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,680
that I treated
you well.
494
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,230
Although I clearly,
495
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:54,110
couldn't be all that
you wanted me to be.
496
00:19:57,820 --> 00:20:00,990
Just say you know,
those are fake.
497
00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:05,120
[**]
498
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,000
[SIGHS]
499
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:13,960
Sorry, man. I, uh--
500
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,960
I really let
the team down.
501
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,840
Yeah.
502
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,420
Okay, you didn't
have to agree with me.
503
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,760
Well, what the hell
am I supposed to say?
504
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,470
You bowled a 94.
505
00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:28,560
It's all her fault.
506
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,640
Hey, you know what?
507
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,190
I should end this
right now!
508
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:33,440
Just tell her once and for all
that I'm not into her,
509
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,690
I was just being nice.
What do you think?
510
00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:39,280
Do you understand we got
beat by Lamps Plus?
511
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,740
Hey!
512
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,410
Hey!
513
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:49,620
Hold up a sec!
514
00:20:53,330 --> 00:20:54,790
Hey!
515
00:20:58,420 --> 00:20:59,710
Wait up!
516
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:06,090
Aah!
517
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:12,730
Oh, God!
518
00:21:12,770 --> 00:21:13,810
[TIRES SCREECH]
519
00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:16,190
Aah!
520
00:21:16,230 --> 00:21:20,070
It was a mercy flirt!
521
00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:27,820
[CHANGING CHANNELS]
522
00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:32,500
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Tonight onQueer as Folk...
523
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:46,130
[**]
35910
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