All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2002) - S04E24 - Two Thirty_track3_[eng]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Doug?

Hey, you.
What are you doin' here?

Oh, I was just doin'
a little shopping.

What are you doin'?

Just out getting some new
batteries for the remote.

-Oh, were they dead?
-No, but you don't want

to be caught
with your pants down.

Oh, well, great.

It's funny.
Like, I never run into you

-out in the world like this.
-I know. I know.

You look good.

Thank you.

So do you.

-Well, I'll see you.
-All right. Take it easy.

SINGER:
*My eyes are gettin' weary*

*My back is gettin' tight*

*I'm sittin' here
in traffic*

*On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight*

*But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do*

*Is cash my check and
drive right home to you*

*'Cause, baby,
all my life *

*I will be drivin' home
to you*

Four 10s.

[LAUGHS]

-Whoa! Not so fast.
-What?

Nothin', you we're just
doin' it really fast.

[LAUGHS]

Okay, gentlemen.

The game is
San Diego Scooby Doo.

-Yes, sir.
-All right. Here we go.

-Fill 'em up
-1, 1, 1, 1, 1.

2, 2, 2, 2, 2.

-3, 3, 3...
-So how are the kids?

Uh, they're great.

Thinking of starting Kirby
on piano lessons.

Piano--
I hear good things.

ARTHUR: ...4, 5--

All right.
Let's bring it home here.

5, 5, 5, and 6, 6, 6.

All right.
Let's play some cards.

All right.
I'll open. 2 bucks.

-Outtie.
-I'm out.

-Ah! God!
-What's the matter?

Oh, this tooth back here
is just killing me.

-Chew on the other side.
-Nah, the other side's

been closed since August.

Look, I gave you
my dentist's number.

Why don't you just go?

What are you, my mother?
I don't need a dentist.

You can't chew on either
side of your mouth.

It's all right.
I got it covered.

I'll go right down the middle
like a bunny rabbit.

All right.

Anyway.

I'll raise it 3.

Oh, goo-bye.

And then there were 2.

I'll see your 3

and raise you 5.

You don't want
to do that.

Oh, indeed I do.

Arthur, look what I have
on board.

I got 3 wild cards.

Just save your money
and go out.

ARTHUR: Oh, someone's too eager
for me to fold.

Let's make that raise 100.

I gotta go light,

but I assure you
I'm good for it.

Arthur,
you can't raise me 100.

The maximum raise is 5.

Ooh, is the little baby scared?
Wah, wah, wah.

You know what? Here.

I'll call your 100,
and boom. 5 kings.

This is humbling.

All right. Night, man.
Thanks for the game.

All right.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Kudos, sir,
on a well-played game of poker.

Uh, thanks.

So here's the thing
vis-à-visthe 100 I owe you.

I don't have
that kind of money,

and I expect I never will.

Yeah, you know what?
I kinda figured

I wasn't gonna see it.

How dare you?!
I honor my debts!

You just told me
you didn't have any money.

Well, I was hoping
we might be able

to make some sort
of alternate arrangement.

Okay. Like what?

Maybe instead of paying,

I could do some kind
of good-natured stunt,

like eat a bug,
for example,

or parade naked through
a major public event.

What else you got?

Okay, you said you wanted
your son to learn piano.

Let's say
I give him 10 lessons,

and we're even.

Oh, I didn't know
you were a pianist.

[CHUCKLING]

What's so funny?

Sorry, but the word
"pianist" always tickles me.

Seriously, I played
with the U.S.O. for years

until I took
one too many liberties

with the Andrews Sisters.

You know what? What the hell.
Let's give it a try.

Marvelous!

Bring the lad by
on Saturday at 2:00.

All right. Cool.
See you then, Arthur.

Darling, 2 questions--

1--do you know
how to play the piano?

And 2--can you teach me
very quickly?

No to both.

Damn!

Hey, what happened?

I thought you were gonna
clean up after the game?

I know.

So what are you doing?
You psyching yourself up?

[GROANS]
My tooth hurts again.

All right, you know what?
I don't want to hear about it.

Little hint:

when you're
married to someone,

sometimes it's nice
to be a little sympathetic.

Well, Doug, I am sorry.

It's hard to be
sympathetic

when you're acting
like an idiot!

Much better.

I told you to go
to the dentist 50 times!

Once again,
my dentist died 6 years ago!

Just because
your dentist dies,

doesn't mean you're free
from ever going to one again.

Can't a guy
take some time to grieve?

Okay, let me bottom line
this for you, okay?

If you lose your teeth,

the beautiful thing
we have together?

It's over!

All right.
Deacon's got a guy.

-I'll go to him.
-Thank you.

[PIANO KEYS PLUNKING]

Excuse me.
Did that sound anything

likeChariots of Fire?

So...you work
with Deacon, huh?

-Mm-hmm.
-Great guy.

You know,
I switched him over

to the tape floss last time.

How's that
working out for him?

Uh, not sure.

He's kind of
a private person.

Aah! What's that?!
Whoa!

Once again,
this is just a little mirror.

Okay, but that pointy thing's
not coming back, is it?

Well, I could tell you no,
but I'd be lying.

Okay, just relax, Doug.
You're in good hands.

Hey, do you know
who was in this chair

not 2 hours ago?

-Who?
-Stephen Baldwin.

Who?

He's one
of the Baldwin Brothers.

Which one?

Stephen.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, it looks like you have
very advanced abscesses

in 2 of your pre-molars,

and substantial inflammation
in the surrounding area.

All right, well,
what I'm getting is

"lay off the sweets."
got it.

Actually,
I'm afraid you're gonna need

a couple of root canals.

It's gonna take 4 sessions.

I'm gonna level
with you.

I'm devastated.

I know. It's no picnic,

but I will try to make it
as comfortable as possible.

All right. Thanks.

Now, we're going to have
to make an impression

of your mouth.
Oh! Oh!

I've got
a little treat for you.

Robin, bring in
Stephen Baldwin's mold

for Doug to look at.

Open wide.

All right, now, bite down.

[GAGGING]

Breathe through your nose.

Just breathe
through your nose.

Don't panic.

Doug?

I'm in the waiting room when
you're done, honey, okay?

Dr. Farber?

-Carrie?
-Well, hi!

I saw the name
on the door,

but I
didn't connect it.

Wait a minute,
is this your wife?

Come here, you!

Oh, hi!

Doug, Dr. Farber
and his family

used to live up the street
from me when I was a kid.

I used to babysit
for his son.

How's your family?

Oh, Mary and I split up
a while back.

-Oh, my God.
-No, no, no!

Believe me,
it was for the best.

How's Elliott?

Oh, he's in college now.

Uh, very interested in dance.

Oh, yeah.

That makes sense.
Yeah.

Well, looks like your practice
is going well, huh?

Hey, as long as people
let their teeth

go to hell like this guy,

I make a nice living.

Well, it's good
to see you again.

You, too.
You, too!

I can't believe Dr. Farber
is your dentist.

That is so funny.

Was he known to be
a good one?

'cause he's about to drill
into my face.

Yes. Very good.

You know,
when I was 16,

I had such
a crush on him.

You know what I used to do
after I put his kid to bed?

I would put on one
of his shirts

and wear
it around the house.

Smelled like
mennen speed stick.

Wow, I gotta tell you, Car,

I don't think I should be
getting dental work

from a man you used to stalk.

What?

Seriously. You know?

I don't know.
Maybe I should just

take my time on this.

You know, lay low
for a couple of years.

I hear they're very close
to a root canal pill.

Okay, as far as B.S. goes,
not your best work. Okay, hon?

Yeah. I felt it.

And that's how I learned

you should always use
extra strong rope

when lowering a piano
out a window.

So, any questions?

When do we play piano?

Play piano.
Ha ha ha.

I think you're getting a little
ahead of yourself there.

First we need to be
around the instrument

to absorb its essence

without ever actually
touching it.

My friend's teacher let him
play on the first day.

Yes. But could your friend's
teacher do this?

[ALTERED VOICE]
Hello.

[BENCH VOICE]
Heylo.

You all right?

[BENCH VOICE]
It's all right!

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

-Hey.
-Greetings.

You guys done?
Uh, how was the lesson?

Fun.

Yeah? Great!

You know, uh, if you want
to make a little money,

one of our neighbors wants to
get lessons for his kid, too.

Really?
Well, send him over.

And, uh,
while you're at it,

tell everyone you know.

You got it, my man.
Come on, Kirb.

-Eh, what do you say?
-Thank you.

[BENCH VOICE]
It's all right.

DR. FARBER: Okay, I got
the temporary crown off.

You doing okay there, huh?

You know,
I still can't get over

you are married to Carrie.
That's unbelievable.

Yeah. It's a little
weird for me at first, too.

You know, my dentist
being the guy

my wife had the hots
for when she was 16.

What?

Yeah. She was
just telling me

how she would put on
your shirt

just so she could
smell you all night.

Creepy.

That's funny.
I didn't think Carrie

even knew I was alive.

Guess I was just too busy

trying to keep my dead-end
marriage afloat.

Yeah. Marriage can be
tough sometimes.

Yeah. And then there
was my second marriage.

Of course I got tricked
into that one.

[IMITATING WIFE]
Oh, I forgot to take my pill.

[AS HIMSELF]
Yeah, right.

[LAUGHS]

Wow! If I'd just waited
a couple of extra years,

I could've ended up
with Carrie.

You could've, yeah.

You're a lucky guy, Doug.

Lucky, lucky guy.

Owww!

DOUG:I'm not going back
to that guy.

I am not listening
to this again.

He's a lunatic, and he's
hurting me on purpose!

Why would he be
hurting you on purpose?

Because he's punishing me
for getting you.

-What?
-Yeah.

He told me back when you
used to babysit for him,

that he had a crush
on you, too.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Well, what exactly
did he say?

I don't know. Some stuff
about how you were great

and he wished he
would've waited to marry you.

Shut up!

What else did he say?

I'm not sure.
I was a little distracted

by the smoke coming out
of my jaw.

Doug, listen to me.

I know going to
the dentist is scary,

but I promise you

Dr. Farber
is a professional.

He's not doing anything
bad to you on purpose.

Is too.

Honey,
it's a root canal.

It's an unpleasant
procedure.

That's why you hear
people say,

"Crap,
I need a root canal,"

and not, "Yippee!
I need a root canal."

Well, he's still hurting me.

I know,
but not on purpose.

I'll tell you one thing--

just in case seeing you
riles him all up,

I'm gonna have someone else
take me there next Saturday.

Whatever helps you, hon.

Great. Now the novocaine
kicks in!

Hello, Benchy.

Why did the boy
throw the clock

out the window?

[BENCH VOICE]
I don't know why.

To see time fly.

[CHILDREN LAUGH]

[BENCH VOICE LAUGHS]

ARTHUR: Yes.

Are we ever gonna play
the piano?

We'll get to that, darling.

First we limber up.

But I really want
to play it now.

Okay, you're outta here.

What?

I got a waiting list
a mile long,

so take your Hello Kitty bag
and hit the bricks.

So, anyone else wanna
"play the piano"?

I didn't think so.

Okay, kids, now it's time
to stare at the piano

and imagine yourself playing
at Carnegie Hall.

I'll see you in 15 minutes.

Thanks for the lift.

Oh, sure.
No problem.

Sorry about the smell
on my car.

Spaniel barf is
really hard to get out.

As opposed to other breeds?

Actually, yeah.

All right, Doug.
Oh--

that's not Carrie.

No, no, no. She's, uh,

she's taking a class
on Saturdays.

It's a whole quilting...
sculpture thing.

-May I ask you a question?
-Sure.

Where did you get your
One Tough Copposter?

I--I love that movie.

Oh, actually,
I got it from the star.

Stephen Baldwin
is a patient of mine.

No!

Gosh, you know,
you never think

he's gotta go
to the dentist

just like everyone else.

Look what he wrote.

"To one tough dentist,

all the best,
Stephen Baldwin."

Oh, that's so cool!

So are you
my next patient?

Oh, no, no.
I just drove Doug.

Oh, what a shame.
With a smile like that,

it would be a very
easy appointment.

Thanks.

Hey, are you free
for lunch sometime?

Well, I'd have to move
some dogs around, but sure.

Well, great.

Well, great.

Hey! How was
your appointment?

Delightful and pain-free.

You see? I told you,
big baby,

he wasn't trying
to hurt you on purpose.

No, no, no, no.

He was definitely
trying to hurt me

back when he was
obsessed with you.

But guess what, sister.

Dr. Farber's got
a love jones

for somebody else.

And suddenly,
he doesn't feel the need

to diddle
my nerve endings.

What? Who--who's
this other person?

I'll give you a hint.

She's blond,
she's sweet,

and she smells
like poodle.

Holly? Dr. Farber
has a thing for Holly?

Big thing.
Hello, yesterday's news.

Well, that just proves
my point,

that he wasn't trying to hurt
you on purpose,

because if he was,
there would be no way

that he would stop doing it
for somebody like Holly.

She is so not his type.

Rawr!

DR. FARBER:
What do you want from me?

Do you want me
to cry like a baby

and say I'm sorry?
Well, I won't.

HOLLY:Why don't you act
like a man for once?

Why don't you
just shut up for once?

All you do is drone on
and on,

blah blah-blah
blah-blah.

Sorry I can't be more like
your precious Carrie.

-Forgive me.
-Why don't you just go

have another 6-pack, drunk?

Screw you!

All right, Doug.

Open up.

DOUG:Aaaah!

So Kirby's been taking
piano lessons.

Hey, Kirb, come here.

Why don't you show
Aunt Helen and everyone

what you've been
learning?

Hello, Benchy.

[BENCH VOICE]
Hello, Kirby.

Heh heh.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Arthur Spooner Piano Academy.
Let music fill your life.

How can I help you?

Let me check.

Lucky you,
we had a cancellation.

Saturdays at 2:00.
Cash only please. Bye-bye.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Play something
on the piano.

-What?
-No, no. Play something.

Anything.

Oh, sure.

First I need
to limber up.

-This may take a while.
-Now.

Fine.

If I cramp up,
it's on your head.

[**]

Is that it?

No. Of course not.

[**]

That's it.

I can't believe you, Arthur.
You took all these kids' money,

-and you taught them nothing.
-Not true.

I taught them confidence.
I taught them self-respect.

You taught them that
the pedals are there

because pianos used to be
a type of vehicle.

-Weren't they?
-Oh, you know, what.

It's over, Arthur.
I'm calling all the parents

and telling them exactly
what's been going on.

Could you just leave me
the Huang twins?

They're cash cows.

What's going on?
This isn't carvel.

No. That's the back entrance
to Dr. Farber's office.

What?

Doug, you've got
one session left.

You've gotta finish
this thing.

So, Doug seems to have
gotten this crazy idea

that you've been kinda
hurting him on purpose

because you have a thing
for me. Hah!

Doug, do you really
think that?

I was told I wouldn't
have to speak.

Wow! I don't know
what to say.

I mean, I'm a little
stunned by this,

but I guess I have to admit

seeing you again
did bring up some feelings.

-I know that sounds horrible.
-CARRIE: No! No, I mean,

I know Doug told you
I had a crush on you.

-I couldn't believe it.
-Oh, I did. You know what I used

to do sometimes?
I used to go downstairs

in the basement,
behind the wetbar,

and pretend we were hosting
a party together.

Ha ha ha!
What, like a dinner party?

Okay, all right.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Look, I-I'm a very
emotional person.

And maybe subconsciously

I was taking out
some resentment on you.

That is completely unacceptable,
and I'm so sorry.

And I assure you
it will not happen again.

Thank you.

Everything okay, Doug?
Any pain at all?

-Uh-uh.
-All right,

we're heading for home
so just hang in there

a couple more minutes.

[INTERCOM BEEPS]

Excuse me a second.

Hello.

Yeah. I'll take it.

Hey, how you doing?

What?

Oh, wow. Wh--
all right, yeah.

Thanks for calling.
Bye.

That was your friend Deacon.

Turns out this guy Spooner,

who was giving my daughter
piano lessons,

was just a scam artist.
What a dirtbag.

Wait a minute.

Spooner.

Carrie Spooner.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Oh. Hello,
Mr. Huang.

Hello, boys.

Play something.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]