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1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:05,830
DOUG:* My baby'sgoin' to Chicago *
2
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,590
[MAKES SOUND]
3
00:00:07,630 --> 00:00:10,510
* Goin' on a business tripwith her law firm *
4
00:00:10,550 --> 00:00:12,170
[MAKES SOUND]
5
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,970
* She's packin'a blue jacket *
6
00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:15,180
* Checkin' forsome matchin' pants *
7
00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:16,850
[MAKES SOUND]
8
00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:19,600
* Now she's puttin' the jacketback and I have no idea why *
9
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,140
Annoying.
10
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:23,640
Come on, I'm helping.
I'm turning the pain of packing
11
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,560
into the Carrie Heffernan
travelin' blues.
12
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:27,900
What do you do
with these lawyers
13
00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:29,230
for a whole week, anyway?
14
00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:31,610
Oh, we have a bunch of meetings,
depositions.
15
00:00:31,650 --> 00:00:33,570
And love affairs?
16
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,410
Hmm. Actually,
now that you mention it,
17
00:00:36,450 --> 00:00:39,240
toss me back those
black Lacy panties.
18
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,870
I can't believe you're goin'
away on the one week
19
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:43,330
my parents are comin' to visit.
They're gonna be so bummed.
20
00:00:43,370 --> 00:00:44,910
Honey, I'm sorry.
It's not my fault.
21
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,370
It's a last minute thing.
22
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,040
DOUG: Now I gotta take care
of them all by myself.
23
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,050
I mean, I--
I can't do that.
24
00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:53,170
What do you feed parents?
25
00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,630
It's not that hard.
You go to the grocery store,
26
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,220
you get something like chicken,
you expose it to heat,
27
00:00:58,260 --> 00:01:00,760
and then you serve it.
28
00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,600
Huh?
29
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,060
You'll be fine.
30
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:05,440
Whoa. What's this?
31
00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:06,940
That's a love note.
Don't read that now.
32
00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:09,270
You'll embarrass me.
33
00:01:09,310 --> 00:01:13,230
"Try to bring me home
a Chicago-style pizza.
34
00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:17,240
See, now I'm embarrassed.
35
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,330
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
36
00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:23,080
*My back is gettin' tight*
37
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,750
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
38
00:01:24,790 --> 00:01:27,750
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
39
00:01:27,790 --> 00:01:33,340
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
40
00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:39,090
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
41
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,720
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
42
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:45,230
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
43
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,020
Hey, guy, how's
my truck lookin'?
44
00:01:53,070 --> 00:01:54,110
Almost loaded.
45
00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:55,400
Hey--hey, what do
I do with this?
46
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,740
It's coded for our depot,
47
00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:58,910
but the address
is sector 7.
48
00:01:58,950 --> 00:02:01,490
Jimmy,
Jimmy, Jimmy...
49
00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:02,870
what's
my job here?
50
00:02:02,910 --> 00:02:03,740
You're a driver.
51
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,290
Yeah, and what
does he do?
52
00:02:05,330 --> 00:02:07,290
Well, he's wearing
the big black belt,
53
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:08,920
so I guess that
makes him a loader.
54
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:11,710
Now Danny, if your job
55
00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:13,170
was to mow
the White House lawn,
56
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:14,550
would you
ask the president
57
00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:15,590
what to do with
the clippings?
58
00:02:15,630 --> 00:02:17,760
-[BOTH LAUGH]
-No.
59
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,380
The unwritten
rules, my friend,
60
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:22,720
the unwritten rules.
All right.
61
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:23,560
What's up?
62
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,270
What's up,
bridesmaid?
63
00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:27,980
So your, uh, folks
roll into town yet?
64
00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:29,890
Nah, they're comin' in today.
Oh, but it turns out
65
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,560
Carrie's gotta go
on this business trip
66
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,230
so I gotta be their
Mr. Belvedere all week.
67
00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:35,730
You can't just
suck it up for a week?
68
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,400
I mean, they took care of you
for 18 years, right?
69
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,610
Actually, 27.
70
00:02:41,780 --> 00:02:44,030
O'BOYLE: Oh, okay,
don't all jump up at once.
71
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,080
I'm only the boss.
72
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,540
What do you got there,
Mr. O'Boyle?
73
00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:48,410
Safety manuals
for the test.
74
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,540
Wh--what test?
75
00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:50,790
All right, guys.
As all of you
76
00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:52,750
except for Heffernan
probably knows,
77
00:02:52,790 --> 00:02:54,750
the company's goin'
with another insurance carrier.
78
00:02:54,790 --> 00:02:56,250
So you're gonna need
these manuals
79
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:59,590
for the test on basic safety
practices on Wednesday.
80
00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:01,890
-[ALL GROAN]
-Well, grumble all you want,
81
00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:03,760
but you fail, you're off
the road for 3 months.
82
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,260
Speakin' of which,
why the hell aren't you
83
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,350
on the road right now?
84
00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:09,100
Let's go,
let's go, let's go!
85
00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:10,440
I can't believe
this crap.
86
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:11,810
Yeah, I've been drivin'
my truck for 8 years.
87
00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:14,110
Nowthey wanna see
if I know how to use it?
88
00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,270
I specifically
took this job
89
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,110
so I wouldn't
have to read.
90
00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:22,820
Does anybody wanna
form a study group?
91
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,120
Anybody wanna
wear a dress?
92
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:40,300
Wow, these legs
are really scuffed.
93
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:41,420
Do you happen
to know where my son
94
00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:42,630
keeps his varnish?
95
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,720
That would be in
the unventilated basement
96
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,060
where they make me sleep.
97
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:50,390
Okay, here's the problem.
No support screws.
98
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,020
No wonder the darn
thing's wobbly.
99
00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:54,850
Spooner, could you
pass me a screwdriver?
100
00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,560
I wasn't aware
I was your apprentice,
101
00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:58,270
but very well.
102
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,990
Actually, I need
a Phillips head.
103
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:04,070
You know what's funny?
104
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,780
For 25 years, I owned
a hardware store.
105
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,490
I could never figure out
why the heck we needed
106
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,120
2 types of screwdrivers.
107
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,830
You ran a successful
business. I get it.
108
00:04:13,870 --> 00:04:15,630
I mean, everybody would
get along just fine
109
00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:16,790
with one screwdriver,
110
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,090
and then this guy
Phillips comes along,
111
00:04:19,130 --> 00:04:21,970
convinces the world that we need
a second screwdriver.
112
00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:23,840
Maybe I should go
out there and invent
113
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,890
a "Joe's" head screwdriver--
114
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,850
make a million bucks
for myself.
115
00:04:27,890 --> 00:04:30,180
[LAUGHS]
116
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:31,560
Hmm.
117
00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:34,770
Oh, is it
6:00 already?
118
00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:37,400
Forgive me.
I have to run.
119
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,520
Where you goin'?
120
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,980
Uh, a meeting
at the senior center.
121
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,360
We're unhappy with
the pudding vendor.
122
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,280
We're thinkin'
of makin' a change.
123
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,490
Hey, hey, I'm home!
124
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:49,700
Oh, Dougie,
125
00:04:49,740 --> 00:04:51,490
great to see you!
Ha ha ha!
126
00:04:51,540 --> 00:04:53,460
Okay. Oh, sorry I'm late.
127
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:54,750
I had to stop
at a couple of stores.
128
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,500
When is Carrie
gettin' home?
129
00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:57,960
Oh, you're not gonna
believe this.
130
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,380
She had to go to Chicago
for the week with her law firm.
131
00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:01,590
She's totally gonna
miss your visit.
132
00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:03,840
Aw, fiddlesticks.
133
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,880
It's okay. It's okay.
I got some stuff.
134
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,720
You're gonna be all
taken care of here.
135
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:08,930
I got some vegetables,
136
00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:12,270
uh, soap, a chicken,
and some sheets.
137
00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:14,850
Carrie said
we had extra sheets,
138
00:05:14,890 --> 00:05:15,980
but I couldn't find 'em.
139
00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:18,150
Honey, they're
in the hall closet.
140
00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,560
I already made the bed.
141
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:23,990
Oh. All right. Well, okay,
but I am making dinner, okay?
142
00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:29,410
So let me just pop this thing
in the microwave...
143
00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:32,990
and we will
be good to go. Okay.
144
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,210
I don't see
a chicken button.
145
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,040
Dougie, come on.
Let me make the dinner.
146
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:40,460
No, Ma, you're a guest
in my house, okay?
147
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,630
-Let me host you.
-And you are very sweet,
148
00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:43,760
but I am the mother here,
149
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,130
and I'm pullin' rank on you.
150
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:48,890
Let me do what I do,
and you do what you do, okay?
151
00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:52,600
Oh, yeah, touchdown!
152
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,390
Oh, I stopped your ass!
153
00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:57,600
-Dougie.
-Sorry, Ma.
154
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:58,770
Is this all
the laundry,
155
00:05:58,810 --> 00:06:00,270
what was up
in the hamper?
156
00:06:00,310 --> 00:06:01,560
Ma, dinner was great.
157
00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:02,940
You don't have to do my laundry.
This is crazy.
158
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,820
Come on.
This is my joy.
159
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:08,200
Really? You think
your joy would mind
160
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,200
washing my uniform?
161
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,910
It's on the floor
in my bedroom.
162
00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:13,410
My son the slob.
163
00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:15,750
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
164
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,080
Hello? Hey, Spence,
what's up?
165
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,880
You know what? No, I can't.
My parents are here.
166
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,130
Nah, it's goin' great.
It's just like
167
00:06:24,170 --> 00:06:25,510
being back
in high school again
168
00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:26,800
except with less acne,
169
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,340
and now I've actually
seen a naked girl.
170
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:34,640
You know what?
I'll--I'll ask. Maaa!
171
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,140
Can Spence come over
for dinner tomorrow?
172
00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:39,640
Sure. Hey, you should
invite the whole gang
173
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:40,980
like you used to.
174
00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:42,770
Oh, Joe,
isn't this fun?
175
00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:46,030
Don't invite Spencer.
He's weird.
176
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:50,110
Let it go, Joe.
He was in junior high.
177
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,120
He was just curious
about his body.
178
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,370
Why did he have to be curious
in my bathroom...
179
00:06:57,410 --> 00:06:58,830
with the door unlocked?
180
00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:01,080
Ma, as long as you're doin'
dinner and laundry,
181
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,290
what are the odds I could
score some lemon squares?
182
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,750
Already in the oven.
183
00:07:04,790 --> 00:07:06,250
I love you!
184
00:07:07,050 --> 00:07:08,630
I love you, too, baby.
185
00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:10,050
[LAUGHS]
186
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:17,180
[BELL RINGS]
187
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:18,350
Hello?
188
00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:21,730
Anybody here?
189
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,940
Young man,
do you work here?
190
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,820
MAN: [COUGHS]
Yeah. Yeah, I'm comin'.
191
00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:38,910
Hey, what's up?
192
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,500
Catchin' a smoke
back there, huh?
193
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:44,670
Um, yeah.
194
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:46,380
I notice you roll
your own cigarettes.
195
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,250
Must save you a bundle.
196
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,260
Yeah.
197
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:53,180
A. Spooner.
198
00:07:53,220 --> 00:07:54,930
Owen.
199
00:07:54,970 --> 00:07:56,260
Let me ask you
this, Owen.
200
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:59,770
How many types of screwdrivers
do you carry here?
201
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:02,730
Uh, 2...
202
00:08:02,770 --> 00:08:05,770
the regular kind
and, uh...
203
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:07,690
the other kind.
204
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:09,400
I see. Now what
if I told you
205
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,740
there was a new product
206
00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:13,570
poised to set the screwdriver
world on its ears?
207
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:15,570
It's called
the "Arthur's" head.
208
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,280
Would you have room
on your shelves
209
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,870
for something like that?
210
00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:23,670
I guess so.
211
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:26,960
That's the answer
I was lookin' for.
212
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:30,420
DOUG:
So long story short,
213
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,420
we gotta go in a half hour
early tomorrow
214
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:33,590
to take a test
215
00:08:33,630 --> 00:08:34,720
just so the company
can save,
216
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,470
like,
7 million bucks.
217
00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:39,760
And you think we're gonna see
any of that in our paychecks?
218
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,270
Don't think so.
219
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,560
That is some
nice hand lotion
220
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,400
you have in the bathroom.
221
00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:48,900
Oh, jeez.
222
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,110
Mrs. Heffernan,
dinner was amazing.
223
00:08:54,150 --> 00:08:56,360
-Oh, please. It's my pleasure.
-I'll second that, Janet.
224
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,280
You guys wanna hit Coopers,
play some pool?
225
00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,280
Oh, yeah, I'm in.
226
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,790
Let's hurry up
and grab a table.
227
00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:02,910
Let's get goin'.
228
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,580
-Dougie?
-Yeah?
229
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:07,000
Shouldn't you
be studyin'?
230
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,630
-For what?
-For your test. It's tomorrow.
231
00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:10,840
I'll study later.
232
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,420
You know, you're not
a great test taker.
233
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:14,800
It's a test
about driving.
234
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,220
I'm a driver.
235
00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:17,930
Douglas, I feel
very strongly
236
00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:19,550
that you should not
go play pool
237
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,390
with your friends right now.
238
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:22,970
Tough. I'm goin'.
239
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,270
Joe, would you
say something?
240
00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:26,690
What do you
want from me?
241
00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:28,650
I want you to put down
your G.D. Newspaper
242
00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:29,860
and tell
your son to study.
243
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:32,820
Your mother
wants you to study.
244
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:34,280
Would you guys
get off my case?
245
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,030
I'm 34 1/2. God.
246
00:09:39,990 --> 00:09:41,910
O'BOYLE: All right.
You got 30 minutes.
247
00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:44,580
After that, pencils down.
248
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:47,670
No talking.
No belching.
249
00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:49,460
This is serious
business, people.
250
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,500
All right. Begin.
251
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:05,060
[TICKS]
252
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:10,960
Heffernan!
253
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,460
Yeah. Okay.
Almost done.
254
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,050
Oh, hi, Dougie.
How was work?
255
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:22,010
Uh, it was good. I'm gonna go
upstairs and shower.
256
00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:23,970
Wait. How did
your test go?
257
00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,930
Uh, well, uh...
258
00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:27,680
they, uh,
cancelled it.
259
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,060
Really? Why?
260
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,770
I don't know why.
They didn't tell us.
261
00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:33,270
I mean, why are
our trucks green?
262
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:36,230
They didn't tell us that,
either. Okay, I gotta go.
263
00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:48,330
Oh, good morning,
Joseph.
264
00:11:48,370 --> 00:11:51,330
I see your chair's
holding up well.
265
00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:53,960
Kudos on your
craftsmanship.
266
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,170
Thanks.
267
00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:56,460
Anyway, remember
the other day
268
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,670
we were kicking
around an idea
269
00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:02,340
about an alternate
screwdriver?
270
00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,220
-What?
-I think you may have called it
271
00:12:04,260 --> 00:12:06,390
the "Joe's" head.
272
00:12:06,430 --> 00:12:08,810
That? I was joking.
273
00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:11,520
Well, then, if someone
were to develop
274
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,350
a "Joe's" head
or let's say
275
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,480
an "Ar--nold's" head
screwdriver,
276
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,070
uh, you'd have no problem
with that, huh?
277
00:12:19,110 --> 00:12:21,360
Not really. No.
278
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,950
Would you sign this document
to that effect?
279
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:26,570
-What's this?
-It's a standard release form.
280
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:27,700
I'm not signin' this.
281
00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:29,040
Oh, really?
So I go out
282
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,250
and do all
the heavy lifting
283
00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:31,330
to get this thing
to work,
284
00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:32,500
then you come in
at the end
285
00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:35,210
and claim all the profits.
Is that it?
286
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,670
You're out of your mind.
287
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:40,920
I've never been
more in my mind.
288
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,720
You want me to sign this?
All right.
289
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,510
Buy me out.
10 bucks.
290
00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:46,890
-5.
-10.
291
00:12:46,930 --> 00:12:48,010
Deal.
292
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,400
So you got all those,
uh, packages sorted
293
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,400
-by priority code?
-Yeah.
294
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,520
All right.
295
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,230
I'll make a belt guy
out of you yet.
296
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,610
Hey, I'm not
a belt guy, okay?
297
00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:04,950
I'm a driver who's wearin'
a belt for 3 months.
298
00:13:04,990 --> 00:13:07,280
Ha ha. Okay, okay.
299
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,780
Hey, belty!
300
00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:12,750
DEACON: Hey, so how's
my truck lookin'?
301
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:14,210
I need, like,
10 more minutes.
302
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:16,580
Let me know when it's done.
I'm gonna grab some coffee.
303
00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:18,630
All right. Go have
your precious coffee.
304
00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:20,380
Yo, what's up
with you, man?
305
00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:22,090
I--I didn't make you
fail the test.
306
00:13:22,130 --> 00:13:23,800
No, but you know what?
You're the one who said
307
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,720
this whole thing was B.S.
And that we should go play pool.
308
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,140
Now all of a sudden,
you're drivin', and I'm loadin'.
309
00:13:28,180 --> 00:13:29,930
I guess I'm just wonderin'
how that all happened?
310
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:31,850
I guess it happened
because I'm not a moron.
311
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:35,100
So I took 5 minutes
to look at the manual.
312
00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:37,230
"Oh, Mr. O'Boyle,
I love you--
313
00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:41,150
especially that part."
Yeah. Yeah.
314
00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:44,990
I'm gonna assume that's just
the belt talkin', man.
315
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,620
Look at that, Heffernan.
316
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,780
You finally got
a bra for your belly.
317
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,750
Give him a break, huh?
It's not easy for him...
318
00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:56,410
when I'm drivin' his truck!
Heh heh heh!
319
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,670
You guys are pretty
funny, you know that?
320
00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,080
You talk pretty tough,
but you know what?
321
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,960
I don't hear anybody
talkin' crap up here
322
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,750
on the loadin' dock.
323
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,100
I don't see you
up here, applebow.
324
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,440
-[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-JANET:Doug?
325
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,110
Shouldn't yoube gettin' to work?
326
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,490
Honey, why aren't
you up yet?
327
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:27,860
I don't feel good.
328
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,160
-What's wrong?
-[COUGHS]
329
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,410
I got a little cough,
and I got chills,
330
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:35,790
and I threw up
in my throat a little.
331
00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:39,500
You know, you feel
a little warm.
332
00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:42,340
Maybe you should
stay home from work.
333
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:43,800
Okay.
334
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,710
Good. I'll make you
some tea with honey.
335
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,550
It'll help settle
your stomach.
336
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:53,510
Say "aah."
337
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,270
-Aah.
-There you go.
338
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,450
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
339
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,110
Hello?
340
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,070
Oh, hi, Mr. O'Boyle.
341
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,990
Uh, this is Doug's
mother. Uh-huh.
342
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,950
Okay. Um, he should
call you
343
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,290
and tell you where
last month's T-11's are.
344
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:23,710
Got it. Oh, he's fine.
345
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:27,380
He should be back
behind the wheel in a day or 2.
346
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:28,760
What?
347
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:33,010
No, I was not
aware of that.
348
00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:35,430
MAN [OVER TELEVISION] :
Don't go away.
349
00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:36,890
We'll be right backwith more
350
00:15:36,930 --> 00:15:40,770
of ourFlintstones
marathon after this.
351
00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:44,310
Yabba-dabba-delightful.
352
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,740
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
353
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:50,950
Uh, come in.
354
00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:54,570
Hello, dear.
How was your toast?
355
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,040
I got--I got it down.
356
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,330
I just had a very
interesting conversation
357
00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,960
with Mr. O'Boyle.
358
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,380
Oh, God.
359
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:06,800
I want you to know
I am very disappointed in you...
360
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,590
not that you
failed the test,
361
00:16:08,630 --> 00:16:10,050
but that you lied to me.
362
00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:12,760
I'm--I'm sorry I lied,
but it's your fault.
363
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,090
How is it my fault?
364
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,760
You got in my head,
tellin' me all that stuff
365
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,260
about how
I'm a bad test taker.
366
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,930
Did I tell you to go
play pool with your buddies?
367
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,350
No.
368
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:23,560
What's goin' on
in here?
369
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,980
Joe, can I talk
to you in private?
370
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,570
JOE: Why don't you
leave him alone?
371
00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:29,940
-He's sick. He doesn't--
-JANET: He's not sick.
372
00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:31,320
JOE: What do you mean,
he's not sick?
373
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,900
JANET: He failed that test.
He was fakin' it.
374
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,110
JOE: Oh, for cryin' out loud!
375
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,740
How does a driver
fail a driving test?
376
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,530
JANET: Shh! Don't yell at him.
377
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,450
We're only gonna
push him further away.
378
00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:40,700
JOE: What is wrong
with that kid?
379
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:41,910
JANET: We had him tested.
380
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,250
He's got a short
attention span.
381
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:44,870
JOE: Nah, that's just
a fancy way of sayin'
382
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,250
that he's stupid.
383
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,840
Hearing you!
384
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,140
[BELL RINGS]
385
00:16:57,180 --> 00:17:00,350
Ah, just the man
I wanted to see.
386
00:17:00,390 --> 00:17:02,810
Hey, what's up?
387
00:17:02,850 --> 00:17:04,140
I have something
to show you,
388
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,600
vis-a-visour conversation
the other day.
389
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,020
What?
390
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,820
Meet the future.
391
00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:14,650
The prototype of
the "Arthur's" head screwdriver.
392
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,030
Oh--oh, yeah.
393
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,950
I fashioned it from
an old typewriter key.
394
00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:24,330
You see, the letter
"A" on the screwdriver
395
00:17:24,370 --> 00:17:27,790
will fit into
the corresponding "A" hole
396
00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:30,710
in the "Arthur's" head
screw.
397
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,300
Cool.
398
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:34,590
So, uh, how many units
399
00:17:34,630 --> 00:17:35,880
would be an appropriate
first order
400
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:38,050
for an item
of this magnitude?
401
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:38,800
I don't know.
402
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,140
-Ballpark.
-10,000.
403
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:43,810
Really? My heart's
beatin' like a rabbit.
404
00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:47,150
We'll be in touch.
405
00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:53,320
Ya-ha!
406
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,070
One other thing.
407
00:17:58,110 --> 00:17:59,910
You guys gotta get
your paperwork straight.
408
00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:01,080
If you wanna get paid
your overtime,
409
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:02,700
you gotta fill out
all 3 forms--
410
00:18:02,740 --> 00:18:04,870
the pink, the blue,
and the green.
411
00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:07,170
The pink goes in my box,
the blue goes upstairs,
412
00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:08,540
the green
is for your files--
413
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:11,040
for those of you
with filing cabinets...
414
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,760
which I'm guessing
is not too many. Hello.
415
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:16,930
Can I help you?
416
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,890
I'm just here
to see Douglas.
417
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:20,300
I'm his mother.
418
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,140
[MEN CHUCKLE]
419
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:25,100
Well, I'm done here.
Back to work.
420
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:29,600
Ma, what are you
doing here?
421
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,190
You forgot your lunch.
422
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,190
I gotta run, okay?
423
00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:33,570
Okay, fine.
See you for dinner.
424
00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:35,360
No!
425
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,280
Fine. Good-bye.
426
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:51,420
DOUG: Mom, no!
427
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:52,840
The thing is,
I don't think
428
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,250
Doug's performance
on a test
429
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,340
is really indicative
of what he's capable of.
430
00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:58,760
I hope not.
431
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,930
He got the lowest score
in the borough.
432
00:19:02,390 --> 00:19:04,680
Is there any way
that Doug could take
433
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,770
-that test again?
-I don't know.
434
00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:09,730
He's really supposed
to wait 3 months.
435
00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:11,940
Mr. O'Boyle,
do you have children?
436
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:15,400
A couple of boys,
17 and 2.
437
00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:18,150
Well, then,
you must understand
438
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,780
as a parent
what this is like.
439
00:19:20,820 --> 00:19:23,280
Sometimes children
lose their way,
440
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,330
and they need a helping
hand, you know?
441
00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:27,620
And I'm sure that
you would want someone
442
00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:29,290
to do it for your boys.
443
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:32,250
Yeah, well, maybe I can
work something out,
444
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:34,840
but if he fails
the test again,
445
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,300
I'm screwed to the wall.
446
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:38,420
Believe me, Doug
will not take the test
447
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,800
so lightly this time,
will you, Doug?
448
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,180
I won't.
449
00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:45,850
You won't what?
450
00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:48,930
I won't take the test
so lightly this time.
451
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:55,190
JANET: What is the minimum
tread depth for tires?
452
00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:58,280
4/32 of an inch
for the front tires.
453
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,320
2/32 of an inch
for the rear.
454
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:03,280
Very good!
You're gettin' there, kiddo!
455
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,820
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
456
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,790
Hey, we're gonna go
shoot some hoops.
457
00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:10,750
Doug.
458
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:12,790
I gotta study.
459
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:14,710
All right.
Later, man.
460
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:15,920
Yeah. Oh, hey, uh,
461
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,170
could I use
your bathroom real quick?
462
00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:18,880
Oh, here we go again.
463
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,670
You know--
okay, that's it.
464
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,930
You know what?
I--I didn't know
465
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,340
you were home that day,
all right?
466
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,350
Victoria Principal
was on the cover ofTV Guide.
467
00:20:26,390 --> 00:20:28,720
Don't define me
by one moment of weakness.
468
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,940
Let me live!
469
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,440
I'm sorry.
You're right, son.
470
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,230
I apologize.
471
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:37,610
Thank you.
472
00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:40,530
Um, well, is it cool
if I use the bathroom?
473
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:42,490
I'd rather you didn't.
474
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,830
DANNY: Loser buys the wings.
475
00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:50,870
DEACON: Gonna be you, sucker.
476
00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:53,080
SPENCE: Shotgun!
477
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,210
JANET: Come on.
We got more to do.
478
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,710
Okay, where were we?
Ah, chapter 4.
479
00:20:57,750 --> 00:20:58,800
"Load management".
480
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,590
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
481
00:21:00,630 --> 00:21:02,220
Hello?
482
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,380
I'm sorry.
Doug can't talk on the phone.
483
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,970
Because he can't
socialize
484
00:21:07,010 --> 00:21:08,640
until he's finished
studying for his test.
485
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,680
You'll have
to call back.
486
00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:13,890
All right.
Where were we? Chapter 4.
487
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,650
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
488
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:16,810
Hello?
489
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:20,690
Can I speak
to my husband, please?
490
00:21:22,940 --> 00:21:26,740
All right. It's Carrie.
Make it quick.
491
00:21:26,780 --> 00:21:29,580
-Hey.
-You can't socialize?
492
00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:31,830
She's just mad at me
'cause I failed my IPS test
493
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,250
and she had
to go in there
494
00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:35,500
and get O'Boyle
to give me another shot,
495
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:37,710
and now she won't let me play
basketball with the guys
496
00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:39,420
'cause I gotta study.
497
00:21:39,460 --> 00:21:41,300
It sucks.
498
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,470
What the hell
is going on over there?
499
00:21:46,510 --> 00:21:48,220
Please come home.
500
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:02,030
That's 3.
501
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:09,780
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
35338
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