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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,750 --> 00:00:06,170 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:06,210 --> 00:00:07,500 Hey, check it out. 3 00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,550 A snow cone machine. 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,130 A snow cone machine? 5 00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:13,220 No, you're sayin' it wrong. 6 00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:16,640 It's a snow conemachine. 7 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,510 When an undeliverable package goes 6 months 8 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,060 without being claimed by the sender or the sendee, 9 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:24,640 the driver gets to keep it. 10 00:00:24,690 --> 00:00:28,730 And you just happened to land a snow cone machine? 11 00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:30,860 I'm smellin' foul play. 12 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,150 Where can I put this bad boy? 13 00:00:32,190 --> 00:00:34,150 No, no, no! I don't have any counter space. 14 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,240 Come on, what is this thing? 15 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,950 That's the breadmaker. 16 00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:37,990 Bye-bye. 17 00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:39,990 Come on! You love bread! 18 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,040 Yeah, and if I was coming home 19 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,540 to fresh-baked bread every night, 20 00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,710 or even once, you'd have a point. 21 00:00:44,750 --> 00:00:47,790 Oh, like you're gonna make snow cones every day? 22 00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:48,880 Actually, you probably will. 23 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,170 Okay. Give it to me. 24 00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:53,720 I'll find room for it in the crap cabinet. 25 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,720 Hey, fella. 26 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,050 This is your new home. 27 00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:00,720 Welcome to Counterville. 28 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,520 This is Mayor McSink. 29 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:04,640 Uh, Doug? 30 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,900 I just found your old milk shake machine. 31 00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:09,900 Oh. 32 00:01:09,940 --> 00:01:11,780 We're gonna have to move the toaster. 33 00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:16,070 SINGER: *My eyes are gettin' weary* 34 00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,570 *My back is gettin' tight* 35 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,410 *I'm sittin' here in traffic* 36 00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:23,410 *On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 37 00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:28,120 *But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 38 00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:33,670 *Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 39 00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:36,420 *'Cause, baby, all my life* 40 00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:41,300 *I will be drivin' home to you* 41 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,150 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 42 00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,650 How great is blue? 43 00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,650 Hey, butch. You're the reason I'm doing this. 44 00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:55,280 You wanna get involved here? 45 00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:58,700 Do I look like I have a free hand? 46 00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,330 Douglas, I'd like to show you something... 47 00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:03,740 in private... 48 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,000 for men's eyes only. 49 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,830 This can't end well. 50 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,340 What do you think of this? 51 00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:15,550 It's a Randy cartoon 52 00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:18,220 I plan to submit toPlayboy. 53 00:02:19,510 --> 00:02:20,800 Okay. 54 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,510 It's a boss chasing his secretary around the desk, 55 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,680 and the caption reads, 56 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,270 "Why, Mr. Hinklemeyer, 57 00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:28,730 I thought you said dictation." 58 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,980 Dictation, Douglas. 59 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,530 Right. 60 00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:37,860 Which one's the woman? 61 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:41,410 Right here. You can tell by her ample bosom. 62 00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,580 That's bosom? I thought that was a lamp. 63 00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:46,330 Why's the guy have a tail? 64 00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:47,370 He doesn't. 65 00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:48,540 Those are lines of whooshing 66 00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:51,620 to indicate movement. 67 00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:53,630 I think you need to work on it a little bit more. 68 00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:55,340 And I think you need to work on being less 69 00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:57,170 of a fat lummox. 70 00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:02,050 Okay, then I guess we both got things to do. 71 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,560 Hey, I can't believe all the stuff 72 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,720 I'm finding in here! 73 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,890 Where did we get a menorah? 74 00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:10,640 DOUG: Oh, yeah. That's from work. 75 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,360 I drew Goldstein in the secret Santa. 76 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,020 And look at this. A gravy boat. 77 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:19,240 Oh. Actually, this was a wedding gift. 78 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,570 "From Ron and Moesha." 79 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:24,740 That's Ron and Marcia, my third cousins. 80 00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,030 Remember, you met them at the wedding? 81 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,740 She's always talkin' about her kids, 82 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,290 and then it turns out that her kids 83 00:03:29,330 --> 00:03:31,290 are actually cats. 84 00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:34,210 Not ringin' a bell. What's his deal? 85 00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,090 Oh, he's worse. You ask him a question, 86 00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:37,340 he takes a good minute and a half 87 00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:38,760 starin' at you before he answers. 88 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,220 You don't know whether to jump in 89 00:03:40,260 --> 00:03:42,720 or go get a beer. 90 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,260 Wait a second. There's something in here. 91 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,640 What? 92 00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:48,260 It's a check! 93 00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:50,270 For $1,500! 94 00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:52,390 -For who? -For us! 95 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,690 Ron and Marcia must have stuck it 96 00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,270 in the gravy boat. We never saw it 97 00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:56,940 because we never used it. 98 00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:58,440 $1,500? 99 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,240 Why would your third cousins give us 100 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,320 such a huge gift? 101 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,820 I don't-- I don't know. 102 00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:04,410 I know he made a lot of money real young, 103 00:04:04,450 --> 00:04:05,740 and he always loved my parents. 104 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,160 He helped my dad get back on his feet. 105 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,030 What do you mean? 106 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,290 -What happened? -I don't know. 107 00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:10,660 I guess at some point my dad was off his feet, 108 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:13,210 and Ron helped him back on. 109 00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:14,080 So you have no idea? 110 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,920 No, I don't. When I was a kid, 111 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,290 that's all they'd ever tell me, 112 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,000 that cousin Ron helped dad get back on his feet, 113 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,340 and cousin Jeffrey was a confirmed "bachelor." 114 00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:25,050 $1,500! 115 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,010 Oh, my God! 116 00:04:26,050 --> 00:04:27,220 What should we do with the money? 117 00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:28,300 I don't know! 118 00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,350 How much do the Mets cost? 119 00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:33,520 I know! 120 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,860 Let's do that trip to New Orleans! 121 00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,020 Yes! Let's go to New Orleans! 122 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,570 Or, as the locals call it, Nawlins. 123 00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:41,820 Yeah, that's the way you should say it. 124 00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,070 -That's the cool way: Nawlins. -Yeah! 125 00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:45,200 -We're goin' to Nawlins. -Yeah! 126 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,450 And this is the magic carpet ride to take us there. 127 00:04:48,490 --> 00:04:50,330 -Wait a second... -What? 128 00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:52,620 -This check is from '95. -So? 129 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,120 You think the bank is gonna take it? 130 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,120 Yeah, of course. Just stick it in with the other checks. 131 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,920 Make a joke or something. They won't notice. 132 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,090 Yeah, that's true. I'm good at charmin' the service people. 133 00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:02,460 I like to get down to their level. 134 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,130 Honey, you are on their level. 135 00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:08,300 Not anymore, sister! 136 00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:10,970 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 137 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,890 WOMAN: Now, first in line please. 138 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:15,690 How can I help you? 139 00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:17,770 Well, uh, LeeAnne, 140 00:05:17,810 --> 00:05:20,270 just, uh, got to deposit a couple of checks, 141 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,520 paychecks, et cetera. 142 00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:24,190 Nothing unusual. Boring. 143 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,070 Okay. 144 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,780 So, uh, LeeAnne, that's a--that's a nice name. 145 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,160 You got a lot for your money. 146 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,700 Looks like your parents said, "Whoa, we like Lee, 147 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,750 we like Anne. What the hell. Let's go with both." 148 00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:38,790 I'll see you next time. 149 00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,210 Um, sorry, we have a little problem here. 150 00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:41,840 Well, you know what? You're good at your job, 151 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,710 I'm sure you can handle it. Have a great weekend. 152 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,840 Sir, checks are only valid for one year 153 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,050 and this is one is dated 1995. 154 00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:51,350 Oh. Oh, no, that one it's for my cousin. 155 00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:53,770 So, it's fine, he's so cool with it, good guy. 156 00:05:53,810 --> 00:05:55,390 Sorry, we can't accept it. 157 00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:58,690 But I was very nice to you about your name. 158 00:05:58,730 --> 00:06:01,110 Sorry. There's nothing I can do. 159 00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:04,440 This is why you're all being replaced by ATMs. 160 00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:10,450 Mmm. 161 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,790 [SLURPS] 162 00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:18,920 I suppose you're wondering 163 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,960 why I invited you over for snow cones. 164 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,800 A little. 165 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,800 Draw me a parrot. 166 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:29,760 Why? 167 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,800 I got a cartoon idea forplayboy, 168 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,680 but I'm weak in the art department. 169 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,430 Word on the street is you like to doodle. 170 00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:37,060 Let's see what you got. 171 00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:40,440 A parrot. Okay. 172 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,400 Hmm... 173 00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:53,910 Sweet corn, I feel like I'm in an aviary! 174 00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:57,540 You're hired. 175 00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:59,540 Well, uh, what's your idea? 176 00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:01,540 Prepare to be delighted. 177 00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:05,380 Dictation. 178 00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:06,920 Did you ever? 179 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:12,220 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 180 00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:15,430 Hey, I got us a great fare to Nawlins 181 00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:16,640 on the internet, 182 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,520 and I got us a suite-- that's right, a suite-- 183 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,890 at "LA French something" hotel. 184 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,060 Yeah, we're not goin'. 185 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:23,310 The bank wouldn't take the check. 186 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,730 What? What are you talkin' about? 187 00:07:24,770 --> 00:07:26,320 I thought you were gonna charm the teller. 188 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:27,650 I--I tried. I did a whole thing 189 00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:28,990 with her name: Lee-Anne... 190 00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:32,030 Oh, my God, the two-names -in-one thing again? 191 00:07:32,070 --> 00:07:33,910 -It's funny! -No, it's not funny, honey. 192 00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:36,490 Okay, if it was funny, we'd have $1,500 193 00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:37,950 in cash right now. 194 00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,960 And I was really into this trip, too! 195 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,130 Why don't we just call these Ron and Marcia people 196 00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:45,380 and just have them write us another check? 197 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:46,840 -No, no. I can't do that. -Why not? 198 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,250 Because at our wedding, 199 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,880 Ron made a big deal about how we should call him 200 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,930 and get together to hang out. 201 00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,760 That was 6 years ago! 202 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,100 What am I supposed to do, call him up: "Hey! 203 00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:57,470 Cut me another check, would you, freaky?" 204 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,520 You've done far worse just for a sandwich. 205 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,020 Look, I'm sorry, but of all the people in the world, 206 00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:04,810 -I can't offend him. -Sure you can! 207 00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,730 Carrie, he helped my dad get back on his feet! 208 00:08:06,770 --> 00:08:08,730 Well, apparently he was tryin' to get us 209 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,110 back on our feet, too! 210 00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:11,990 We just didn't let him. Give the man a chance! 211 00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:14,200 No, I-- I can't do it! 212 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,530 [SIGHS] 213 00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,540 Okay. All right. Okay, okay. 214 00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:20,080 How about this? 215 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,330 We invite them over for dinner 216 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:23,080 just to reestablish credibility, 217 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,960 absolutely no mention of the check. 218 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,290 -Mm-hmm. -And then, like, a week later, 219 00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:28,840 they'll reciprocate, and then after that, 220 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,340 when we're all good friends again, 221 00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:34,550 we have them over where I cook something that needs... 222 00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:38,050 What? 223 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,390 -Gravy, hon! Gravy! -Oh! 224 00:08:39,430 --> 00:08:41,310 Okay, all right. Anyway, anyway, 225 00:08:41,350 --> 00:08:44,020 we pull out the gravy boat, where we... 226 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,190 accidentally discover the check, 227 00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:47,520 and they'll just write us a new one. 228 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,650 What do you think? 229 00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:50,070 Okay. That's good. 230 00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:51,570 But no gravy the first time. 231 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:52,820 No gravy. Gravy bad. 232 00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:55,110 Yeah, gravy bad. 233 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,080 What's the matter? Why do you still look concerned? 234 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,950 I'm just tryin' to wrap my head around this. 235 00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,580 Usually, gravy good. 236 00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:08,920 MARCIA: So, I've got all 3 kids in the tub 237 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,670 at the same time, right? 238 00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,760 Get this. My youngest decides 239 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:17,340 it's time to learn about splashing. 240 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,260 Forget about it! 241 00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,510 I'm wearing silk, like an idiot. 242 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,930 It was such a crazy mess, 243 00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:24,310 I'm thinking of getting them all declawed. 244 00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,320 Don't cats bathe themselves? 245 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:31,270 Huh? 246 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,150 Cats--don't they bathe themselves? 247 00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:35,150 I thought that was their big selling point. 248 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,160 Oh, but bath time is so good for bonding, Carrie. 249 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,200 Believe me, when you have kids, you'll know. 250 00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,660 Oh, Ron, how are you doing? 251 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,960 I'm good, Doug. I'm good. I'm good. 252 00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:57,130 Great. Great. Uh, Ron's a big jet fan. 253 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,680 He has season tickets and everything. 254 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,470 You still a jet fan, Ron? 255 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,140 [WHISPERING] Pass the salt. 256 00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,140 -Okay, here. -Okay, thank you. 257 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,600 Yes, I am. I am, Doug. 258 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,730 But I wish he'd give up those season tickets. 259 00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,480 He's never home! 260 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:16,490 The kids barely know him anymore. 261 00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:18,360 They're in bed with us every night, Marcia. 262 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,950 I think they know me better than any cat 263 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,490 should know a man. 264 00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:22,620 Oh! 265 00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:23,540 Trust me. 266 00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:26,450 He loves it when they touch him. 267 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,130 -Who wants gravy? -Uh... 268 00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:31,380 we don't need gravy now. 269 00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:33,090 -Oh, sure we do. Sure we do! -No. Really, 270 00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:35,210 everything's very moist and succulent, right, Ron? 271 00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:40,090 Okay, I'm goin'. Be back in a jiff. 272 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,010 Yeah, Carrie. She, uh, she loves gravy-- 273 00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:43,050 You know what? 274 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,470 We're gonna use the gravy boat 275 00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:46,060 that you guys gave us for our wedding. 276 00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,350 Oh, look at that. 277 00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:49,190 Yeah, we haven't even used it yet, actually. 278 00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:51,100 We were waiting for a special occasion. 279 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:55,690 Let me just, uh, pop the top off, here, and, uh... 280 00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:57,030 what the-- 281 00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:59,030 What's this?! 282 00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,070 What is it, honey? 283 00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:01,610 The instructions? 284 00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:10,000 It's a check from you guys. 285 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,290 For $1,500! 286 00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:14,000 -What? -MARCIA: But, wait, you mean... 287 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,500 you two never saw that? 288 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,210 I put the check in the gravy boat to be cute, like... 289 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,880 like, the check is the gravy. 290 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,890 Oh, my God! 291 00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:23,720 I just... 292 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,730 this is the nicest gift... 293 00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:32,400 anyone's ever given us ever. 294 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,900 I... 295 00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:36,780 I... 296 00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,280 I'm sorry. 297 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,910 She thought the only thing that we gave her for her wedding 298 00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:48,080 was that chintzy little gravy boat. 299 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,960 That's why you didn't call us all these years. 300 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,580 Uh, well, we were a little hurt, 301 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,250 but... 302 00:11:55,290 --> 00:11:58,250 you can't put a price on friendship. 303 00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,460 You know, you're not gonna be able to cash that. 304 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,880 Honey, write them another check. 305 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:01,970 Absolutely. 306 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:04,010 Uh, remember, it's 2002. 307 00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:05,140 Yeah. 308 00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:06,720 Now, you use this for something fun. 309 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,760 No paying bills with this. 310 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:08,890 No, no, no, no, no! 311 00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:10,230 Actually, we were, uh... 312 00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:12,060 planning a trip to New Orleans. 313 00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:14,940 New Orleans! That's our town! 314 00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:17,230 We go all the time! 315 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,360 Hey, here's a crazy thought. 316 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,780 Now that this mess is all cleared up, 317 00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:20,940 why don't we go together? 318 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,400 Uh, well, you know what, um, 319 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,120 we'd actually slow you down because we don't drink. 320 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,830 -Neither do we! -Neither do we! 321 00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:29,160 It's perfect! 322 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:34,170 Don't you dare go to New Orleans without us. 323 00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,380 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 324 00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:45,550 This was great! 325 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:47,180 Yeah, let's do it again real soon. 326 00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:50,180 MARCIA: I'll call you with the number of my cat guy. 327 00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,980 All right. 328 00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:55,190 That was rough. 329 00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:56,690 Yeah, it was. 330 00:12:56,730 --> 00:12:58,860 Listen, I'm sorry I jumped in early on the gravy thing, 331 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:02,440 but it was either that or open fire on them. 332 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,570 I hear that. 333 00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:05,200 But at least we got the check, 334 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,320 and we are goin' to Nawlins! 335 00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:10,290 -What? We can't go. -Why not? 336 00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:12,000 Because they just said don't you dare go without us! 337 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,620 So, unless you wanna go with them and their cats, 338 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:15,670 we can't go. 339 00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:17,540 -Are you insane? -I'm not insane. 340 00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:19,250 Carrie, if we go and they find out, 341 00:13:19,290 --> 00:13:20,590 they'll call my parents. 342 00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:23,300 Then my parents will call me, and I'll hear, 343 00:13:23,340 --> 00:13:26,050 "Where did we go wrong?" 344 00:13:26,090 --> 00:13:27,800 So, what you're saying is we can't go 345 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:31,350 on our trip to New Orleans because Ron and Marcia 346 00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:34,020 might tell your mommy on you? 347 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,810 Thank you for understanding. 348 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:41,650 I understand that Ron got your dad "back on his feet." 349 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,610 Nobody knows what that means but I respect it. 350 00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:47,490 But are you really telling me because of that, 351 00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:51,160 a whole city is off-limits to us forever? 352 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,240 Not forever, 353 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,210 just till my folks die. 354 00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,250 Doug! 355 00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:58,500 We can't live like this! 356 00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:00,000 I mean, what if your Uncle Stu says 357 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,000 we can't go to Brooklyn without him? 358 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:05,130 Do I have to take him to my gynecologist with me? 359 00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:06,340 Look, we got the money. 360 00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:08,050 Can't we go someplace instead of New Orleans? 361 00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:09,970 I mean, there's gotta be plenty of other fun places we can go. 362 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:11,600 -Oh, yeah? Okay, name one. -All right-- 363 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,970 And it can't be Cooperstown or Hershey Park. 364 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,140 -Oh. -Yeah. 365 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,400 And it's gotta be a place where I can 366 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,770 flash my boobs legally, 367 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,740 because I will flash my boobs. 368 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,780 Well, that rule's not fair! 369 00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:29,860 I mean, there's only one place you can 370 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:30,910 flash your boobs legally. 371 00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:32,530 That's right, honey... 372 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,330 and isn't that the place you wanna be? 373 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,170 Yes! 374 00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:47,090 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 375 00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:52,300 Nawlins. 376 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,510 It's nice here, right? 377 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,600 What? 378 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:55,720 Yeah. 379 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,060 I think I see Marcia across the street. 380 00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,060 Okay. That's the third Marcia you've seen today. 381 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,400 Although it is the first black one. 382 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,020 It looks like her. 383 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,440 Ron and Marcia are not here. 384 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,610 They could be here. 385 00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:08,820 It's their town. 386 00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:09,900 When you have a town, you go to it a lot. 387 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:10,990 That's how it becomes your town! 388 00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:12,240 Okay, you need to chill out. 389 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,580 -What? -Yeah, you do. 390 00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:15,160 Okay, you know what? Let's have a little fun. 391 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,450 Come on, baby. Smile pretty for me. 392 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,660 What, are you crazy?! 393 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,330 Uh... 394 00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:22,670 I don't think I am, no. 395 00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:23,750 You can't be takin' a picture! 396 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:24,790 A picture's evidence! 397 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,500 Doug, you need to stop it. 398 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,470 Stop it right now! 399 00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,680 Tell me that's not Ron at the lobster tank! 400 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:32,840 Doug! 401 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,600 I'm sorry, but I'm all stressed out, okay? 402 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:35,680 I lied to my mother. I told her we went 403 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:36,890 to the Alamo. 404 00:15:36,930 --> 00:15:39,390 Now I gotta bring her back a coonskin hat. 405 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,060 Doug, you need to calm down. 406 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,360 Just take a deep breath, look at your menu, 407 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,110 and try to relax. 408 00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:50,070 I don't know why they call this place The Big Easy. 409 00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:51,240 It's hard. 410 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,740 It's very hard. 411 00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,210 SPENCE: Okay, Arthur. I got your cartoon all ready. 412 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,790 What do you think? 413 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,540 Where's the boss chasing his secretary 414 00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:04,540 around the desk? 415 00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:06,250 Well, I updated it a little. 416 00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:08,630 See, I made it a computer repair guy 417 00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,220 and a female executive, 418 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,720 and he's saying to her here, he's goin': 419 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,470 "Hey, how about now we fixmyhard drive?" 420 00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:19,270 [LAUGHS] 421 00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:21,890 What the hell have you done? 422 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,480 I just--I just improved your idea a little bit. 423 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:28,270 I mean, no one chases their secretary around a desk anymore. 424 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,360 Sure they do. 425 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,570 No, they don't, okay? 426 00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,530 I'm out in the working world every day. I know. 427 00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:34,700 You work in a subway token booth. 428 00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,030 You have neither a secretary nor a desk. 429 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,160 You are totally ignorant in this area! 430 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,410 I... 431 00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:41,410 I'm ignorant? 432 00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:42,790 Arthur, you're out of the loop, okay? 433 00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:44,370 Your--your idea is retro. 434 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,880 Mine's fresh. It's hip! 435 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,250 A little too hip. 436 00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,630 John Q. Public doesn't know what a hard drive is! 437 00:16:49,670 --> 00:16:51,300 Okay, anyone who owns a computer knows 438 00:16:51,340 --> 00:16:53,130 -what a hard drive is! -Oh, sure! 439 00:16:53,170 --> 00:16:54,510 Mr. Bill Gates and his buddies 440 00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:57,010 are in for a hearty chuckle. 441 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,260 What about the rest of us poor schmucks? 442 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,430 Okay... 443 00:17:00,470 --> 00:17:02,310 you know what? I don't wanna do this anymore. 444 00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:03,140 I gotta go. 445 00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:04,810 Fine! You just lost yourself 446 00:17:04,850 --> 00:17:07,810 the best damn caption man in this business! 447 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,320 DOUG:I gotta tell you, 448 00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:12,570 I really had a great time tonight. 449 00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:13,610 Me, too. 450 00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:15,360 Sorry I got so crazy before. 451 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:16,780 It's okay. 452 00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:19,620 You're positive that wasn't Ron steering that riverboat? 453 00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:21,160 I'm positive! 454 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,330 Okay. 455 00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:27,290 -Oh, my God! -What? 456 00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,920 The message light! 457 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,210 It's Ron and Marcia! 458 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,050 It's not them. 459 00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,460 -It's them! -It's not them! 460 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,510 -It's them! -It's not them! 461 00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:34,630 It's them! 462 00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:35,970 You know what, we can resolve this 463 00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:38,260 by doing a simple message check. 464 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:39,430 Okay. 465 00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:47,480 Yes, hi. I'm, uh, calling in for my message. 466 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:52,320 Yes, this is Mr. Mellencamp. 467 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,070 Oh. 468 00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:57,160 No. No, that's okay. Thank you. 469 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,160 Okay. Bye. 470 00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,530 Oh, it was just housekeeping 471 00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:01,410 wanting to know if we needed some more towels. 472 00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:03,450 You see? I told you. Everything's fine. 473 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,460 DOUG: Whoo! 474 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:06,410 What are you doin'? 475 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:09,170 I'm checkin' our messages at home. 476 00:18:09,210 --> 00:18:10,380 Oh, man! 477 00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:13,250 My jambalaya just went down a floor. 478 00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:16,510 Huh. 479 00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,680 What? What is it? 480 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,640 Okay, nothing's wrong, but Marcia called. 481 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:20,890 I can't breathe! 482 00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:22,140 Look, I don't think-- 483 00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,680 I don't think it's a problem, but just listen 484 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,770 and tell me what you think. 485 00:18:24,810 --> 00:18:26,020 [ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS] 486 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:27,850 MARCIA:Doug, Carrie, it's Marcia. 487 00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:30,900 Could you give me a call when you get back? 488 00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,900 [ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS] 489 00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:35,570 She knows we're here! 490 00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:38,030 -I don't think she does. -Did you hear what she said? 491 00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,530 She said give us a call when you get back! 492 00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:41,030 If we were at the drugstore, she'd say call us 493 00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,530 when you get home, but she said back! 494 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:43,990 Back can only mean one thing: 495 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,200 back from New Orleans! 496 00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,870 But nobody knows we're here. 497 00:18:47,910 --> 00:18:49,330 I mean, how would she find out? 498 00:18:49,370 --> 00:18:50,880 What, do you think they have spies here? 499 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,960 They might. They come here all the time! 500 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,800 Ron probably helped half this town get 501 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:55,960 back on their feet. 502 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,340 They owe him! 503 00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:58,930 All right, you know what? I bet she was calling 504 00:18:58,970 --> 00:19:00,090 about something totally different, 505 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,970 but I will just call to make sure. 506 00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:06,060 Okay, okay. 507 00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,690 Caller I.D.! 508 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,440 They're gonna see the New Orleans area code! 509 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,820 Are you sure they have caller I.D.? 510 00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:17,440 Carrie, they gave us $1,500. 511 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,530 They have luxuries we can't begin to imagine! 512 00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:25,080 Fine. I will call from my cell phone. 513 00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:27,580 Oh... 514 00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:29,290 no signal. 515 00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:31,830 Hi, Marcia. It's Carrie Heffernan. 516 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,170 Yeah, I just walked in my house. 517 00:19:33,210 --> 00:19:36,420 Whoops! Almost tripped over one of Doug's socks. 518 00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:38,760 Anyway, you called? 519 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,010 Oh. 520 00:19:40,050 --> 00:19:41,180 [WHISPERING] What? What is it? 521 00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:42,550 She just wanted to give me the number 522 00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:43,600 to her cat guy. 523 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:44,930 Okay. 524 00:19:44,970 --> 00:19:46,100 Yeah, actually, you know what? I don't need to take 525 00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,270 that number down. It's okay. 526 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,730 Don't be snotty! Take that number down! 527 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,520 You know what, Marcia? I will take the number down. 528 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:51,770 Let me just get a pen. 529 00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:52,940 Okay, got one. Go ahead. 530 00:19:52,980 --> 00:19:53,940 Get a real pen! 531 00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:55,820 -She's gonna know! -Go away! 532 00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:56,860 Yeah... 533 00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,280 Mm-hmm... 534 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,120 Mommy! 535 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:10,500 [BAND MUSIC PLAYING] 536 00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:28,100 Yeah, we, uh, we had a pretty good weekend overall, huh? 537 00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:29,430 Well, I know I did. 538 00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:33,140 'course, I wasn't the one with the nervous bowel. 539 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,810 Sure everything's okay with Ron and Marcia? 540 00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,150 All right, for the tenth time, 541 00:20:36,190 --> 00:20:38,020 I had already hung up my cell phone 542 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,940 when you hurled it into the mighty Mississippi. 543 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,900 Okay, just checkin'. 544 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,660 Hey, I always forget. Are you supposed 545 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:45,780 to tip the maid, or-- 546 00:20:45,820 --> 00:20:47,330 Yes, honey. Do you have enough money? 547 00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:48,870 Plenty. I just cashed Ron and Marcia's check 548 00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:50,620 this morning. 549 00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:51,750 Wait a minute. 550 00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:53,540 You cashed it here? 551 00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:05,140 This check to Doug and Carrie... 552 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,640 does this say bank of New Orleans? 553 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,310 I'm calling his mother. 554 00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,620 [DOORBELL RINGS] 555 00:21:34,790 --> 00:21:36,290 Hello. Here is your order. 556 00:21:36,330 --> 00:21:39,250 It's, uh, $14.89. 557 00:21:39,290 --> 00:21:42,050 Oh, this, uh, little smiley face doodle, 558 00:21:42,090 --> 00:21:44,130 is--is this your work? 559 00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:46,130 Uh, yes. 560 00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:48,970 Draw me a parrot. 561 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:55,140 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 39085

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