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1
00:00:03,750 --> 00:00:06,170
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:06,210 --> 00:00:07,500
Hey, check it out.
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,550
A snow cone machine.
4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,130
A snow cone machine?
5
00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:13,220
No, you're
sayin' it wrong.
6
00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:16,640
It's a snow conemachine.
7
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,510
When an undeliverable
package goes 6 months
8
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,060
without being claimed
by the sender or the sendee,
9
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:24,640
the driver gets
to keep it.
10
00:00:24,690 --> 00:00:28,730
And you just happened
to land a snow cone machine?
11
00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:30,860
I'm smellin'
foul play.
12
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,150
Where can I put
this bad boy?
13
00:00:32,190 --> 00:00:34,150
No, no, no! I don't
have any counter space.
14
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,240
Come on, what
is this thing?
15
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,950
That's the breadmaker.
16
00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:37,990
Bye-bye.
17
00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:39,990
Come on!
You love bread!
18
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,040
Yeah, and if
I was coming home
19
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,540
to fresh-baked bread
every night,
20
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,710
or even once,
you'd have a point.
21
00:00:44,750 --> 00:00:47,790
Oh, like you're gonna
make snow cones every day?
22
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:48,880
Actually,
you probably will.
23
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,170
Okay. Give it to me.
24
00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:53,720
I'll find room for it
in the crap cabinet.
25
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,720
Hey, fella.
26
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,050
This is
your new home.
27
00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:00,720
Welcome
to Counterville.
28
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,520
This is
Mayor McSink.
29
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:04,640
Uh, Doug?
30
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,900
I just found your old
milk shake machine.
31
00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:09,900
Oh.
32
00:01:09,940 --> 00:01:11,780
We're gonna have
to move the toaster.
33
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:16,070
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
34
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,570
*My back is gettin' tight*
35
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,410
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
36
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:23,410
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
37
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:28,120
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
38
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:33,670
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
39
00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:36,420
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
40
00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:41,300
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
41
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,150
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
42
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,650
How great is blue?
43
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,650
Hey, butch. You're the
reason I'm doing this.
44
00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:55,280
You wanna get
involved here?
45
00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:58,700
Do I look like
I have a free hand?
46
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,330
Douglas, I'd like
to show you something...
47
00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:03,740
in private...
48
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,000
for men's eyes only.
49
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,830
This can't end well.
50
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,340
What do you
think of this?
51
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:15,550
It's a Randy cartoon
52
00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:18,220
I plan to submit
toPlayboy.
53
00:02:19,510 --> 00:02:20,800
Okay.
54
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,510
It's a boss chasing his
secretary around the desk,
55
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,680
and the caption reads,
56
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,270
"Why, Mr. Hinklemeyer,
57
00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:28,730
I thought you said
dictation."
58
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,980
Dictation, Douglas.
59
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,530
Right.
60
00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:37,860
Which one's
the woman?
61
00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:41,410
Right here. You can tell
by her ample bosom.
62
00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,580
That's bosom? I thought
that was a lamp.
63
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:46,330
Why's the guy
have a tail?
64
00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:47,370
He doesn't.
65
00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:48,540
Those are lines
of whooshing
66
00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:51,620
to indicate
movement.
67
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:53,630
I think you need to work
on it a little bit more.
68
00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:55,340
And I think you need
to work on being less
69
00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:57,170
of a fat lummox.
70
00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:02,050
Okay, then I guess we
both got things to do.
71
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,560
Hey, I can't believe
all the stuff
72
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,720
I'm finding in here!
73
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,890
Where did we get
a menorah?
74
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:10,640
DOUG: Oh, yeah.
That's from work.
75
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,360
I drew Goldstein
in the secret Santa.
76
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,020
And look at this.
A gravy boat.
77
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:19,240
Oh. Actually,
this was a wedding gift.
78
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,570
"From Ron and Moesha."
79
00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:24,740
That's Ron and Marcia,
my third cousins.
80
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,030
Remember, you met them
at the wedding?
81
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,740
She's always talkin'
about her kids,
82
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,290
and then it turns
out that her kids
83
00:03:29,330 --> 00:03:31,290
are actually cats.
84
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:34,210
Not ringin' a bell.
What's his deal?
85
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,090
Oh, he's worse.
You ask him a question,
86
00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:37,340
he takes a good minute
and a half
87
00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:38,760
starin' at you
before he answers.
88
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,220
You don't know
whether to jump in
89
00:03:40,260 --> 00:03:42,720
or go get a beer.
90
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,260
Wait a second.
There's something in here.
91
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,640
What?
92
00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:48,260
It's a check!
93
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:50,270
For $1,500!
94
00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:52,390
-For who?
-For us!
95
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,690
Ron and Marcia
must have stuck it
96
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,270
in the gravy boat.
We never saw it
97
00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:56,940
because we never
used it.
98
00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:58,440
$1,500?
99
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,240
Why would your
third cousins give us
100
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,320
such a huge gift?
101
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,820
I don't--
I don't know.
102
00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:04,410
I know he made a lot
of money real young,
103
00:04:04,450 --> 00:04:05,740
and he always
loved my parents.
104
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,160
He helped my dad get
back on his feet.
105
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,030
What do you mean?
106
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,290
-What happened?
-I don't know.
107
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:10,660
I guess at some point
my dad was off his feet,
108
00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:13,210
and Ron helped him back on.
109
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:14,080
So you have
no idea?
110
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,920
No, I don't.
When I was a kid,
111
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,290
that's all they'd
ever tell me,
112
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,000
that cousin Ron helped
dad get back on his feet,
113
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,340
and cousin Jeffrey
was a confirmed "bachelor."
114
00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:25,050
$1,500!
115
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,010
Oh, my God!
116
00:04:26,050 --> 00:04:27,220
What should we do
with the money?
117
00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:28,300
I don't know!
118
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,350
How much do
the Mets cost?
119
00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:33,520
I know!
120
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,860
Let's do that trip
to New Orleans!
121
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,020
Yes! Let's go
to New Orleans!
122
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,570
Or, as the locals
call it, Nawlins.
123
00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:41,820
Yeah, that's the way
you should say it.
124
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,070
-That's the cool way: Nawlins.
-Yeah!
125
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:45,200
-We're goin' to Nawlins.
-Yeah!
126
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,450
And this is the magic carpet
ride to take us there.
127
00:04:48,490 --> 00:04:50,330
-Wait a second...
-What?
128
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:52,620
-This check is from '95.
-So?
129
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,120
You think the bank
is gonna take it?
130
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,120
Yeah, of course. Just stick it
in with the other checks.
131
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,920
Make a joke or something.
They won't notice.
132
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,090
Yeah, that's true. I'm good
at charmin' the service people.
133
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:02,460
I like to get down
to their level.
134
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,130
Honey, you are
on their level.
135
00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:08,300
Not anymore, sister!
136
00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:10,970
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
137
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,890
WOMAN:
Now, first in line please.
138
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:15,690
How can I help you?
139
00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:17,770
Well, uh, LeeAnne,
140
00:05:17,810 --> 00:05:20,270
just, uh, got to deposit
a couple of checks,
141
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,520
paychecks, et cetera.
142
00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:24,190
Nothing unusual.
Boring.
143
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,070
Okay.
144
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,780
So, uh, LeeAnne,
that's a--that's a nice name.
145
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,160
You got a lot
for your money.
146
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,700
Looks like your parents said,
"Whoa, we like Lee,
147
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,750
we like Anne. What the hell.
Let's go with both."
148
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:38,790
I'll see you next time.
149
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,210
Um, sorry, we have
a little problem here.
150
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:41,840
Well, you know what?
You're good at your job,
151
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,710
I'm sure you can handle it.
Have a great weekend.
152
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,840
Sir, checks are only valid
for one year
153
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,050
and this is one
is dated 1995.
154
00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:51,350
Oh. Oh, no, that one
it's for my cousin.
155
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:53,770
So, it's fine, he's so cool
with it, good guy.
156
00:05:53,810 --> 00:05:55,390
Sorry, we can't accept it.
157
00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:58,690
But I was very nice
to you about your name.
158
00:05:58,730 --> 00:06:01,110
Sorry. There's nothing
I can do.
159
00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:04,440
This is why you're all being
replaced by ATMs.
160
00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:10,450
Mmm.
161
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,790
[SLURPS]
162
00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:18,920
I suppose
you're wondering
163
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,960
why I invited you
over for snow cones.
164
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,800
A little.
165
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,800
Draw me a parrot.
166
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:29,760
Why?
167
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,800
I got a cartoon idea
forplayboy,
168
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,680
but I'm weak in
the art department.
169
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,430
Word on the street
is you like to doodle.
170
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:37,060
Let's see
what you got.
171
00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:40,440
A parrot. Okay.
172
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,400
Hmm...
173
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:53,910
Sweet corn, I feel
like I'm in an aviary!
174
00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:57,540
You're hired.
175
00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:59,540
Well, uh,
what's your idea?
176
00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:01,540
Prepare to be
delighted.
177
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:05,380
Dictation.
178
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:06,920
Did you ever?
179
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:12,220
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
180
00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:15,430
Hey, I got us
a great fare to Nawlins
181
00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:16,640
on the internet,
182
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,520
and I got us a suite--
that's right, a suite--
183
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,890
at "LA French
something" hotel.
184
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,060
Yeah, we're
not goin'.
185
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:23,310
The bank wouldn't
take the check.
186
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,730
What? What are you
talkin' about?
187
00:07:24,770 --> 00:07:26,320
I thought you were
gonna charm the teller.
188
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:27,650
I--I tried. I did
a whole thing
189
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:28,990
with her name:
Lee-Anne...
190
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:32,030
Oh, my God, the two-names
-in-one thing again?
191
00:07:32,070 --> 00:07:33,910
-It's funny!
-No, it's not funny, honey.
192
00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:36,490
Okay, if it was funny,
we'd have $1,500
193
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:37,950
in cash right now.
194
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,960
And I was really
into this trip, too!
195
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,130
Why don't we just call
these Ron and Marcia people
196
00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:45,380
and just have them
write us another check?
197
00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:46,840
-No, no. I can't do that.
-Why not?
198
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,250
Because at
our wedding,
199
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,880
Ron made a big deal about
how we should call him
200
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,930
and get together
to hang out.
201
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,760
That was 6 years ago!
202
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,100
What am I supposed
to do, call him up: "Hey!
203
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:57,470
Cut me another check,
would you, freaky?"
204
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,520
You've done far worse
just for a sandwich.
205
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,020
Look, I'm sorry, but of all
the people in the world,
206
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:04,810
-I can't offend him.
-Sure you can!
207
00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,730
Carrie, he helped my dad
get back on his feet!
208
00:08:06,770 --> 00:08:08,730
Well, apparently
he was tryin' to get us
209
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,110
back on our feet, too!
210
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:11,990
We just didn't let him.
Give the man a chance!
211
00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:14,200
No, I--
I can't do it!
212
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,530
[SIGHS]
213
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,540
Okay. All right.
Okay, okay.
214
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:20,080
How about this?
215
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,330
We invite them
over for dinner
216
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:23,080
just to reestablish
credibility,
217
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,960
absolutely no mention
of the check.
218
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,290
-Mm-hmm.
-And then, like, a week later,
219
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:28,840
they'll reciprocate,
and then after that,
220
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,340
when we're all
good friends again,
221
00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:34,550
we have them over where
I cook something that needs...
222
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:38,050
What?
223
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,390
-Gravy, hon! Gravy!
-Oh!
224
00:08:39,430 --> 00:08:41,310
Okay, all right.
Anyway, anyway,
225
00:08:41,350 --> 00:08:44,020
we pull out the gravy
boat, where we...
226
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,190
accidentally
discover the check,
227
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:47,520
and they'll just
write us a new one.
228
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,650
What do you think?
229
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:50,070
Okay. That's good.
230
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:51,570
But no gravy
the first time.
231
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:52,820
No gravy. Gravy bad.
232
00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:55,110
Yeah, gravy bad.
233
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,080
What's the matter? Why do
you still look concerned?
234
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,950
I'm just tryin' to wrap
my head around this.
235
00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,580
Usually, gravy good.
236
00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:08,920
MARCIA: So, I've got
all 3 kids in the tub
237
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,670
at the same time, right?
238
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,760
Get this.
My youngest decides
239
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:17,340
it's time to learn
about splashing.
240
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,260
Forget about it!
241
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,510
I'm wearing silk,
like an idiot.
242
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,930
It was such a crazy mess,
243
00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:24,310
I'm thinking of getting
them all declawed.
244
00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,320
Don't cats bathe
themselves?
245
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:31,270
Huh?
246
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,150
Cats--don't they
bathe themselves?
247
00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:35,150
I thought that was
their big selling point.
248
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,160
Oh, but bath time is so good
for bonding, Carrie.
249
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,200
Believe me, when you have
kids, you'll know.
250
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,660
Oh, Ron, how are you doing?
251
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,960
I'm good, Doug. I'm good.
I'm good.
252
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:57,130
Great. Great.
Uh, Ron's a big jet fan.
253
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,680
He has season tickets
and everything.
254
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,470
You still
a jet fan, Ron?
255
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,140
[WHISPERING]
Pass the salt.
256
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,140
-Okay, here.
-Okay, thank you.
257
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,600
Yes, I am.
I am, Doug.
258
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,730
But I wish he'd give up
those season tickets.
259
00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,480
He's never home!
260
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:16,490
The kids barely
know him anymore.
261
00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:18,360
They're in bed with us
every night, Marcia.
262
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,950
I think they know me
better than any cat
263
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,490
should know a man.
264
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:22,620
Oh!
265
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:23,540
Trust me.
266
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:26,450
He loves it when
they touch him.
267
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,130
-Who wants gravy?
-Uh...
268
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:31,380
we don't need
gravy now.
269
00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:33,090
-Oh, sure we do. Sure we do!
-No. Really,
270
00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:35,210
everything's very moist
and succulent, right, Ron?
271
00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:40,090
Okay, I'm goin'.
Be back in a jiff.
272
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,010
Yeah, Carrie. She, uh,
she loves gravy--
273
00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:43,050
You know what?
274
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,470
We're gonna use
the gravy boat
275
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:46,060
that you guys gave
us for our wedding.
276
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,350
Oh, look at that.
277
00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:49,190
Yeah, we haven't even
used it yet, actually.
278
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:51,100
We were waiting for
a special occasion.
279
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:55,690
Let me just, uh, pop the top
off, here, and, uh...
280
00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:57,030
what the--
281
00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:59,030
What's this?!
282
00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,070
What is it, honey?
283
00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:01,610
The instructions?
284
00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:10,000
It's a check
from you guys.
285
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,290
For $1,500!
286
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:14,000
-What?
-MARCIA: But, wait, you mean...
287
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,500
you two never
saw that?
288
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,210
I put the check in the gravy
boat to be cute, like...
289
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,880
like, the check
is the gravy.
290
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,890
Oh, my God!
291
00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:23,720
I just...
292
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,730
this is
the nicest gift...
293
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:32,400
anyone's ever
given us ever.
294
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,900
I...
295
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:36,780
I...
296
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,280
I'm sorry.
297
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,910
She thought the only thing
that we gave her for her wedding
298
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:48,080
was that chintzy
little gravy boat.
299
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,960
That's why you didn't
call us all these years.
300
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,580
Uh, well, we were
a little hurt,
301
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,250
but...
302
00:11:55,290 --> 00:11:58,250
you can't put
a price on friendship.
303
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,460
You know, you're not gonna
be able to cash that.
304
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,880
Honey, write them
another check.
305
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:01,970
Absolutely.
306
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:04,010
Uh, remember,
it's 2002.
307
00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:05,140
Yeah.
308
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:06,720
Now, you use this
for something fun.
309
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,760
No paying bills
with this.
310
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:08,890
No, no, no,
no, no!
311
00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:10,230
Actually,
we were, uh...
312
00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:12,060
planning a trip
to New Orleans.
313
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:14,940
New Orleans!
That's our town!
314
00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:17,230
We go all the time!
315
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,360
Hey, here's
a crazy thought.
316
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,780
Now that this mess
is all cleared up,
317
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:20,940
why don't we go
together?
318
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,400
Uh, well,
you know what, um,
319
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,120
we'd actually slow you down
because we don't drink.
320
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,830
-Neither do we!
-Neither do we!
321
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:29,160
It's perfect!
322
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:34,170
Don't you dare go
to New Orleans without us.
323
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,380
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
324
00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:45,550
This was great!
325
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:47,180
Yeah, let's do it
again real soon.
326
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:50,180
MARCIA: I'll call you with
the number of my cat guy.
327
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,980
All right.
328
00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:55,190
That was rough.
329
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:56,690
Yeah, it was.
330
00:12:56,730 --> 00:12:58,860
Listen, I'm sorry I jumped in
early on the gravy thing,
331
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:02,440
but it was either that
or open fire on them.
332
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,570
I hear that.
333
00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:05,200
But at least we got
the check,
334
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,320
and we are goin'
to Nawlins!
335
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:10,290
-What? We can't go.
-Why not?
336
00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:12,000
Because they just said don't
you dare go without us!
337
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,620
So, unless you wanna go
with them and their cats,
338
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:15,670
we can't go.
339
00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:17,540
-Are you insane?
-I'm not insane.
340
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:19,250
Carrie, if we go
and they find out,
341
00:13:19,290 --> 00:13:20,590
they'll call
my parents.
342
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:23,300
Then my parents will
call me, and I'll hear,
343
00:13:23,340 --> 00:13:26,050
"Where did
we go wrong?"
344
00:13:26,090 --> 00:13:27,800
So, what you're
saying is we can't go
345
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:31,350
on our trip to New Orleans
because Ron and Marcia
346
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:34,020
might tell your mommy
on you?
347
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,810
Thank you
for understanding.
348
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:41,650
I understand that Ron got your
dad "back on his feet."
349
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:44,610
Nobody knows what that
means but I respect it.
350
00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:47,490
But are you really
telling me because of that,
351
00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:51,160
a whole city is off-limits
to us forever?
352
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,240
Not forever,
353
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,210
just till
my folks die.
354
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,250
Doug!
355
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:58,500
We can't live
like this!
356
00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:00,000
I mean, what if
your Uncle Stu says
357
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,000
we can't go to
Brooklyn without him?
358
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:05,130
Do I have to take him
to my gynecologist with me?
359
00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:06,340
Look, we got the money.
360
00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:08,050
Can't we go someplace
instead of New Orleans?
361
00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:09,970
I mean, there's gotta be plenty
of other fun places we can go.
362
00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:11,600
-Oh, yeah? Okay, name one.
-All right--
363
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,970
And it can't be Cooperstown
or Hershey Park.
364
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,140
-Oh.
-Yeah.
365
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,400
And it's gotta be
a place where I can
366
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,770
flash my boobs legally,
367
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,740
because I will
flash my boobs.
368
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,780
Well, that rule's
not fair!
369
00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:29,860
I mean, there's
only one place you can
370
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:30,910
flash your boobs legally.
371
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:32,530
That's right,
honey...
372
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,330
and isn't that the
place you wanna be?
373
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,170
Yes!
374
00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:47,090
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
375
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:52,300
Nawlins.
376
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,510
It's nice here,
right?
377
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,600
What?
378
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:55,720
Yeah.
379
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,060
I think I see Marcia
across the street.
380
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,060
Okay. That's the third Marcia
you've seen today.
381
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,400
Although it is
the first black one.
382
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,020
It looks like her.
383
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,440
Ron and Marcia
are not here.
384
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,610
They could be here.
385
00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:08,820
It's their town.
386
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:09,900
When you have a town,
you go to it a lot.
387
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:10,990
That's how it
becomes your town!
388
00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:12,240
Okay, you need
to chill out.
389
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,580
-What?
-Yeah, you do.
390
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:15,160
Okay, you know what?
Let's have a little fun.
391
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,450
Come on, baby.
Smile pretty for me.
392
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,660
What, are
you crazy?!
393
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,330
Uh...
394
00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:22,670
I don't think
I am, no.
395
00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:23,750
You can't be
takin' a picture!
396
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:24,790
A picture's evidence!
397
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,500
Doug, you need
to stop it.
398
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,470
Stop it right now!
399
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,680
Tell me that's not Ron
at the lobster tank!
400
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:32,840
Doug!
401
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,600
I'm sorry, but I'm
all stressed out, okay?
402
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:35,680
I lied to my mother.
I told her we went
403
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:36,890
to the Alamo.
404
00:15:36,930 --> 00:15:39,390
Now I gotta bring her
back a coonskin hat.
405
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,060
Doug, you need
to calm down.
406
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,360
Just take a deep breath,
look at your menu,
407
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,110
and try to relax.
408
00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:50,070
I don't know why they call
this place The Big Easy.
409
00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:51,240
It's hard.
410
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,740
It's very hard.
411
00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,210
SPENCE: Okay, Arthur.
I got your cartoon all ready.
412
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,790
What do you think?
413
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,540
Where's the boss
chasing his secretary
414
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:04,540
around the desk?
415
00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:06,250
Well, I updated it
a little.
416
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:08,630
See, I made it
a computer repair guy
417
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,220
and a female executive,
418
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,720
and he's saying to her
here, he's goin':
419
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,470
"Hey, how about now
we fixmyhard drive?"
420
00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:19,270
[LAUGHS]
421
00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:21,890
What the hell
have you done?
422
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,480
I just--I just improved
your idea a little bit.
423
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:28,270
I mean, no one chases their
secretary around a desk anymore.
424
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,360
Sure they do.
425
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,570
No, they don't, okay?
426
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,530
I'm out in the working world
every day. I know.
427
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:34,700
You work in a subway
token booth.
428
00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,030
You have neither
a secretary nor a desk.
429
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,160
You are totally
ignorant in this area!
430
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,410
I...
431
00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:41,410
I'm ignorant?
432
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:42,790
Arthur, you're
out of the loop, okay?
433
00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:44,370
Your--your idea
is retro.
434
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,880
Mine's fresh.
It's hip!
435
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,250
A little too hip.
436
00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,630
John Q. Public doesn't know
what a hard drive is!
437
00:16:49,670 --> 00:16:51,300
Okay, anyone who owns
a computer knows
438
00:16:51,340 --> 00:16:53,130
-what a hard drive is!
-Oh, sure!
439
00:16:53,170 --> 00:16:54,510
Mr. Bill Gates
and his buddies
440
00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:57,010
are in for a hearty
chuckle.
441
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,260
What about the rest
of us poor schmucks?
442
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,430
Okay...
443
00:17:00,470 --> 00:17:02,310
you know what?
I don't wanna do this anymore.
444
00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:03,140
I gotta go.
445
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:04,810
Fine! You just
lost yourself
446
00:17:04,850 --> 00:17:07,810
the best damn caption
man in this business!
447
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,320
DOUG:I gotta tell you,
448
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:12,570
I really had
a great time tonight.
449
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:13,610
Me, too.
450
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:15,360
Sorry I got
so crazy before.
451
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:16,780
It's okay.
452
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:19,620
You're positive that wasn't
Ron steering that riverboat?
453
00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:21,160
I'm positive!
454
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,330
Okay.
455
00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:27,290
-Oh, my God!
-What?
456
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,920
The message light!
457
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,210
It's Ron and Marcia!
458
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,050
It's not them.
459
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,460
-It's them!
-It's not them!
460
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,510
-It's them!
-It's not them!
461
00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:34,630
It's them!
462
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:35,970
You know what,
we can resolve this
463
00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:38,260
by doing a simple
message check.
464
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:39,430
Okay.
465
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:47,480
Yes, hi. I'm, uh,
calling in for my message.
466
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:52,320
Yes, this is
Mr. Mellencamp.
467
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,070
Oh.
468
00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:57,160
No. No, that's okay.
Thank you.
469
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,160
Okay. Bye.
470
00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,530
Oh, it was
just housekeeping
471
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:01,410
wanting to know if we needed
some more towels.
472
00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:03,450
You see? I told you.
Everything's fine.
473
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,460
DOUG: Whoo!
474
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:06,410
What are you doin'?
475
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:09,170
I'm checkin'
our messages at home.
476
00:18:09,210 --> 00:18:10,380
Oh, man!
477
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:13,250
My jambalaya just
went down a floor.
478
00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:16,510
Huh.
479
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,680
What? What is it?
480
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,640
Okay, nothing's wrong,
but Marcia called.
481
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:20,890
I can't breathe!
482
00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:22,140
Look, I don't think--
483
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,680
I don't think it's
a problem, but just listen
484
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:24,770
and tell me
what you think.
485
00:18:24,810 --> 00:18:26,020
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
486
00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:27,850
MARCIA:Doug,Carrie, it's Marcia.
487
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:30,900
Could you give me a callwhen you get back?
488
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,900
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
489
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:35,570
She knows we're here!
490
00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:38,030
-I don't think she does.
-Did you hear what she said?
491
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,530
She said give us a call
when you get back!
492
00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:41,030
If we were at the drugstore,
she'd say call us
493
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,530
when you get home,
but she said back!
494
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:43,990
Back can only mean
one thing:
495
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,200
back from New Orleans!
496
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,870
But nobody knows
we're here.
497
00:18:47,910 --> 00:18:49,330
I mean, how would
she find out?
498
00:18:49,370 --> 00:18:50,880
What, do you think
they have spies here?
499
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,960
They might. They come
here all the time!
500
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,800
Ron probably helped
half this town get
501
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:55,960
back on their feet.
502
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,340
They owe him!
503
00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:58,930
All right, you know what?
I bet she was calling
504
00:18:58,970 --> 00:19:00,090
about something
totally different,
505
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,970
but I will just call
to make sure.
506
00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:06,060
Okay, okay.
507
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,690
Caller I.D.!
508
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,440
They're gonna see the
New Orleans area code!
509
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,820
Are you sure they
have caller I.D.?
510
00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:17,440
Carrie, they gave
us $1,500.
511
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,530
They have luxuries we
can't begin to imagine!
512
00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:25,080
Fine. I will call
from my cell phone.
513
00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:27,580
Oh...
514
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:29,290
no signal.
515
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:31,830
Hi, Marcia.
It's Carrie Heffernan.
516
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,170
Yeah, I just walked
in my house.
517
00:19:33,210 --> 00:19:36,420
Whoops! Almost tripped
over one of Doug's socks.
518
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:38,760
Anyway, you called?
519
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,010
Oh.
520
00:19:40,050 --> 00:19:41,180
[WHISPERING]
What? What is it?
521
00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:42,550
She just wanted
to give me the number
522
00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:43,600
to her cat guy.
523
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:44,930
Okay.
524
00:19:44,970 --> 00:19:46,100
Yeah, actually, you know what?
I don't need to take
525
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,270
that number down.
It's okay.
526
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,730
Don't be snotty!
Take that number down!
527
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,520
You know what, Marcia?
I will take the number down.
528
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:51,770
Let me just get a pen.
529
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:52,940
Okay, got one.
Go ahead.
530
00:19:52,980 --> 00:19:53,940
Get a real pen!
531
00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:55,820
-She's gonna know!
-Go away!
532
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:56,860
Yeah...
533
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,280
Mm-hmm...
534
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,120
Mommy!
535
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:10,500
[BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
536
00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:28,100
Yeah, we, uh, we had a pretty
good weekend overall, huh?
537
00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:29,430
Well, I know I did.
538
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:33,140
'course, I wasn't the one
with the nervous bowel.
539
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,810
Sure everything's okay
with Ron and Marcia?
540
00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,150
All right,
for the tenth time,
541
00:20:36,190 --> 00:20:38,020
I had already hung up
my cell phone
542
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,940
when you hurled it into
the mighty Mississippi.
543
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,900
Okay, just checkin'.
544
00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,660
Hey, I always forget.
Are you supposed
545
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:45,780
to tip the maid, or--
546
00:20:45,820 --> 00:20:47,330
Yes, honey. Do you
have enough money?
547
00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:48,870
Plenty. I just cashed
Ron and Marcia's check
548
00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:50,620
this morning.
549
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:51,750
Wait a minute.
550
00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:53,540
You cashed it here?
551
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:05,140
This check to Doug
and Carrie...
552
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,640
does this say bank
of New Orleans?
553
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,310
I'm calling his mother.
554
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,620
[DOORBELL RINGS]
555
00:21:34,790 --> 00:21:36,290
Hello.
Here is your order.
556
00:21:36,330 --> 00:21:39,250
It's, uh, $14.89.
557
00:21:39,290 --> 00:21:42,050
Oh, this, uh,
little smiley face doodle,
558
00:21:42,090 --> 00:21:44,130
is--is this your work?
559
00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:46,130
Uh, yes.
560
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:48,970
Draw me a parrot.
561
00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:55,140
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
39085
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