All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2001) - S04E01 - Walk, Man_track3_[eng]

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[GASPS]

[PHONE RINGING
WITHIN]
Oh, crap.

[GASPS]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

OK.

[EFFORTS]

[RING]

All right.

Cake!

[RING]

Yah?

[PANTING]

Who is this?!

Hey, bud, that was my dog Allen.

[BABY VOICE]
He just wanted to say hello.

[DISGRUNTLED MUMBLE]

[NORMAL]
Here, it's for you, Arthur.

A. Spooner speaking.

[PANTING]

Lily?

* My eyes are gettin' weary *

* My back is gettin' tight *

* I'm sittin' here
in traffic *

* On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight *

* But I don't care
'cause all I want to do *

* Is cash my check
and drive right home to you *

* 'Cause, baby, all my life *

* I will be drivin' home
to you *

What's going on?

Usually in the morning
you're a little like...

[GRUFFLY] go away.

I know, but I just
feel good today.

I think that I am maybe

ready to start trying
to have a baby.

What?

Yeah. Well,
the miscarriage was, like,

4 months ago already,

and the doctor said
it would be safe, right?

So I guess I just
woke up this morning

feeling ready. Are you?

Not now,
not now, stupid!

You sure?
No. I meant tonight
or something.

Oh.

I'll have you knocked up

and on the subway
in, like, 10 minutes.

Come on. We'll
make a night of it.

We'll go to Fiorello's
for dinner,

get in the mood.
Food and sex.

Those are your
favorites, right?

Yeah. In that order, too.

I'm glad you're
feeling ready, Carrie.

Me, too.

Good morning.
OK.

Hey, Dad, what's
with the pajamas?

How come you're
not dressed?

Darling, if you can
think of a reason

why I should
get dressed,

I'd be delighted
to know what it is.

I got nothin'.

Oh, come on. At least walk
down to the senior center

and play chess with Mickey.

I'm afraid that's
out of the question.

He moved to Yonkers
to live with his daughter.

Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.

He was your last real
friend around here,

wasn't he?

Yeah. Afraid so.

Gonna miss
that crazy lug,

that silly laugh of his,

the way his teeth would
come part of the way out.

And that's gin. OK.
See you tonight.

Mm-hmm.
8:00, Fiorello's?

Actually, I'm
heading out, too.

Oh, OK. See you
later, Arthur.

Yeah, have
a good day, Dad.

Yeah.

You have a good day, too!

I'll mind the store!

So you've been wined
and dined, all that,

you, uh,
you good to go?

I am ready to get back
on the horse.

Or, in this case, have
the horse get back on you.

Give it your
best shot, Eddie.

All right, break it up.

We got big doings in here.

What's goin' on, Dad?

Come on in.
Hurry,

on the double,
chop-chop!

Ta-da!

What are you
ta-da-ing about?

W-what is that?

El Backo...

the new board game
you ordered for me

on the interstate.

Internet, Dad.

So, shall I set up
in here or in the liv--

Or in the living room?

Oh, Dad,
it's really late.

What are you
still doing up?

I napped for 6 hours.
I'm bursting with energy.

Come on, one quick game.

No, forget it, Arthur.
Not tonight.

Yeah, maybe
another time, Dad.
Good night.

Oh, that's just dandy,
isn't it?

I've been alone
in this house
since 8 a.m.,

and all I ask
is for a few moments

of human interaction
when you come home,

but apparently that's
more than you can spare.

Good night.

Ready to head up?
Come on.

7, 8, 9, and 10.

Back to start!

I have to go back
to start again?

You landed
on El Backo.

Now get goin',
missy. Mush.

ARTHUR: 8, 9, 10.

I've landed
on the Alamo,

which at the moment
you're defending,
Douglas.

So?

Don't kill
the messenger,
but I'm afraid

you're out of
the game!

Well, that was fun, Daddy.

All right, well,
rematch next month.

Don't try to duck us.

Wait! Wait, wait.
What?

Douglas is out...

only Douglas.

[TV TURNS OFF]

I won.

Ohh, good work.
All right, so, uh,

can we get this
sex thing goin' now?

It's late, so don't expect
the sports package.

Yeah.

OK, get ready.

This is gonna be hot.
Come on, baby.

-Ow, ow, ow, ow.
-What? What is it?

Nothin'. I just got
a peso from the game
in my pocket.

In your pocket.
Did you cheat?

Well, I'm here now,
aren't I?

You know what, honey?

Would you mind if
we didn't do this tonight?

3 hours as the El Backo
banker has pretty much

shut me down for the night.

Oh, come on,
keep the bank open,

one more angry customer.

Honey, look,
if it was just sex,

I would push through, OK?

But we're trying
to make a baby.

I want it to be special
and wonderful and right.

You wanna sneak one in
in the morning?

No, I don't wanna
sneak one in.

Our kid is gonna
ask me one day

how he or she
came to be,

and I don't wanna say,
well, your Dad had at me

while I was
brushin' my teeth.

We need to set aside,
you know, special time,
without distractions,

without my father
clawing at us
for attention.

When the hell is that
ever gonna happen?!

I mean, ever since
Mickey moved,

your Dad spends
all day napping.

By the time we come home,
he's cocked and loaded.

I know. I hate this.
What are we gonna do?

Hey, why don't
we hire a nurse

to come by during the day,
spend time with him?

You know how expensive
a private nurse is?

Maybe your insurance
from work will cover it.

No. They'll only cover it
if he's disabled.

So I'll disable him.

Ohh, maybe we're just
not meant to have a baby.

Or actually, maybe we are
meant to have a baby,

and my dad is our baby.

The only difference is
we don't change him...

yet.

So, sex-wise,

I'm definitely
on my own tonight, or...

DEACON: Yo, Spence!

Sandwiches.

Hey, who wants
a little side salad?

Show of hands.

OK, more for me.

Oh, this thing with Arthur
is driving me nuts.

Mm. It's rough, huh?

It's brutal.

I'm gonna have to drive him
out to the woods

if I'm ever gonna get
any more... schnick schnack.

[KEY JINGLING AT DOOR]

Yo, Spence.
Someone's here.

Oh.

Fellas, prepare to meet
the new lady in my life.

W-what? You got
a girlfriend?

Dog walker...

but things are brewing.

Hey, Holly.

Oh, hey. I didn't
know you were home.

Oh, yeah. Just rolled in
a few minutes ago.

And grabbed some, uh--
Uh, yeah.

Cupcake, no.
Cupcake, no, Cupcake, no.

Got in a few minutes ago...
No, sit!

...from work.

So, uh, how was
my little Allen's
walk today?

Oh, it was great.
It's weird, though.

Both the male
and female dogs
like to hump him.

Kind of like you,
Spence.

It's a couple of
blue-collar guys
I hang out with.

You know, just
keepin' it real.

Uh, I was wonderin'
some night if maybe
you're free...

Cupcake, Cupcake!
Sit! Sit! Sit!

Listen, you know,
I better get this one home.

He just had a long day.
Oh, OK.

I will see you
Thursday, Allen.

Mmm, I love you.
Hey.

I love you, Allen.

I miss you.
I'll see you soon.

Oh, hey.

Yeah, um,
Thursday it is.

Yeah, she's
way into you.

So, uh, when did you
hire a dog walker
anyway?

About a week ago.

Allen was going crazy

being cooped up
while I was at work,

and now he's so tired out
from the walk,

he just sleeps
straight through to morning.

Hey.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Come on, sweetie.
I'm tryin' to work here.

I was thinking maybe
you'd knock off.

I was thinking maybe
you and I head upstairs.

I think my boys are
in the mood for a little...

egg hunt.

I can't. My dad's home,

and I promised him that
El Backo grudge match
at high noon.

Oh, I wouldn't worry
too much about that.

Arthur!

What's going on?

You just
sit back, relax,
and enjoy the show.

Yes, Douglas.

[DOORBELL RINGING]
Come here, come here.

There's someone who
wants to meet you.

Hey, Holly.
Hello.

Arthur, this is,
uh, Holly.

She's a friend
of Spence's.

How do you do?

Uh, Holly's writing
a paper on World War II,

and she wanted to speak
to someone who was there.

Right?

Right. Yes,
yes, I--I do.

Well, uh,
are you interested
in the real story

or just the patriotic
crap they want you
to believe?

Um, the first one?
Mm-hmm.

Oh, a fellow skeptic.

Well, let me just take
my kettle off the stove,

and we'll get to it.

OK, Spence says
you get 10 bucks
a day, right?

What?
No, it's fine.
It's fine.

Hi. Listen, can we
talk about something
for a second.

Here is $30 in advance
for the first week,

and you'll come by
this time

every Tuesday,
Thursday, and Saturday,

and, if you could,
do me a favor

really wear him out.

What?!
No, it's fine.

It's fine.

OK, so are we
all set here?

Well, it's just--

What's the matter?

I just don't usually
do this with people.

Hey, look,
you do it with dogs,

you can do it
with people.

It's fine.

I'm all set. Shall
we talk in here

or in the kitchen?

Would--would you like
to go for a walk?

A walk?!
Fabulous idea.
See you later, kids.

All right.

Well, you guys
have a good time.

What is she doing
to my father
for $10?

She's walkin' him.
She's a dog walker.

A dog walker?!
A dog walker?!

Yeah.
You hired
a dog walker

to walk my father?

I thought you'd be happy.

My father is not a dog.

I know he's not a dog.
He's a human being...

who needs walking.

And who possibly has fleas.

You are talking like
this is a normal thing to do.

I know it seems weird,
but think about it.

This solves
all our problems.

I mean, he's out
getting exercise

and getting companionship.

I mean, it's like
we hired a nurse

without all
the book learnin's.

And take a look around.
He's gone.

He's gone.

The entire war effort,
every dollar spent
and every life lost

was orchestrated
by the international
canned goods industry.

That's a fact.

Yeah, I think
I heard that.

Oh, hey, Holly.

Day off, today?

Um, not exactly.

Holly, hello.
Good to see you.

Hi, Arthur. Ready
to go for a walk?

You bet.

Hey.

Douglas,
see you in 2 hours.

Holly and I
are off for a walk.

Wow. Are you?
That's so nice.

Here you go. OK?

How's everything
goin' with him?

Oh, it's great.
It was a little
weird at first,

but I gotta say,

Arthur is such
a pleasure to walk.

I think he and a Ranger
are my favorites. Heh.

ARTHUR: Holly,
are you comin'?

I'm comin'. Bye.

All right. Bye-bye.

Carrie! Hey, Carrie.
He's gone.

He's gone.

Great. Bye.

Wha-wha--hey,
where you goin'?

Spinning class.

But your father's
out gettin' walked.

I know, that's why
I'm going now.

Yeah, but last time
he was out

you went to that
book club thing.

Yes, and I asked you
to come with me to that,

but you said
you didn't feel like
putting shoes on.

What's all this
going out stuff
about anyway?

I thought you wanted
to have a baby.

I do,
and we've tried.

It's just that
I'm not ovulating
this week.

You aren't, or you won't?

Hey...

Yeah, Doug.
You caught me.

I'm holding my eggs in.

Can I get
to spinning now?

If I'm late, all the good
bikes will be taken.

Wha-what?
You spin on bikes?

Yeah. What'd you think--
we just stand
on the floor

and just spin around?

As a matter of fact,
I did, yeah. OK?

Look, the point is, I paid
for this no-Arthur time. OK?

I don't think you should
be cashin' in on it
for other things.

Doug, I finally have
some free time,

and I am just trying
to enjoy it.

I mean, I'm reading again.
I'm exercising.

I don't read or exercise.
Where does that leave me?!

Here. Have a party.

I paid for the time!

Oh, hey, Spence.
Sorry, I'm late.

I ran long with Arthur.

What a shock.

Oh, did Allen make
on the rug again?

Yeah. Yeah.

It kind of forms
a pattern from the other day.

It looks like Florida.

If Florida
were made out of urine.

Hey, Spence,
can I talk to you
about something?

[SIGHS]
Yeah, what?

Well, it's just that
I've been tryin' to walk

Allen and Arthur
on the same day,

and it just hasn't
really been working out,

and I feel like I need
to make a choice.

And you're
choosing Arthur.

Well, it's
a lot of things.

I mean, he lives
closer to my house.

Uh, he's a person.

He's also
an unwitting pawn

in Doug and Carrie's
sick little charade.

Yeah. Anyway, um...

Here's a number
of another dog walker.

Chuck.

Yeah. He's great.
He's really cute, too.

I don't know
if you're gay,

but if you are,
he is super.

Bye, Allen!

Hey. How was...

spinning?

Great. I feel happy,
healthy, and more alive.

How was sitting
on the couch rotting?

I'll let you know when I'm done.

Hey, Dad, how was
your walk with Holly?

Not so good.

I got a little
problem on my hands.

What?

I think I may have to
tell her not to come by
here any more.

What? Why?

Because she's falling
for me, that's why.

Holly? No. No.
Dad, no.

Of course, she is.
Why else would she
insist on seeing me

every single Tuesday,
Thursday, and Saturday?

She's obsessed.

She's working
on that paper.

It's that paper.

Oh, please,
there's no paper.

Of course,
there's a paper.

There is no paper.

Her questions
about the war
are ludicrous.

The other day,
she actually
asked me who won.

She's learning.

Oh, how did I let
things get so far?

I'm 50 years older
than that girl.

It could
never work out...

or could it?

I'm so confused.

OK, Dad, look, I don't
know what's going on,

but I don't think you
should do anything hasty

like tell her not
to come by here any more.

Definitely
don't do that.

Well, I don't know
about that, Car'.

You know, maybe he
should end it with her.

I don't think
this arrangement's

doing anyone
any good here.

What is going on?

Why are you telling him
to end this?

Well, maybe if
this whole deal
were working out

more the way
I hoped it would,

my advice would be
a little different.

Fine. What do you want?

You can keep
the spinning,
but lose the book club

and replace it with
more sex and TV with me.

OK, but I'm spinning
Tuesday and Saturday,

and for the sex thing
to work out,

there are a few pair
of underwear

I'm gonna need you
to get rid of.

Done. Now,
was that so hard? Hmm?

[SIGHS] OK. All right.

What are we gonna
tell my dad

to get him back
on board with this?

I just want you
to know, Holly,

that I'm honored
that you regard me

as the father
you never had.

But I have a father.

They told me
you'd say that.

Oh, hello.

Hello, Spence.

Hi, Spence.
What are you
doing here?

Oh, I'm just, uh,
walking my dog myself.

So, you two have struck up
quite a friendship,
haven't you?

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

It's a bit odd, though,
isn't it?

It's just a bit odd.

Spence, don't.

I'm a father figure
to this girl,
that's all.

Oh, I see.

And I suppose she needs
a father figure

at exactly 2 P.M.

every Tuesday, Thursday,
and Saturday,

right here in this park.
Is that it?

What are you
driving at, son?

Oh, for--Arthur--

Don't you see
what's going on?

I mean, for God's sake,
look around you.

I still don't know
what your point is.

What are you, blind?
This is a dog park.

She's been walking you
for money.

She's a pro.

Arthur,
can I explain?

No!

No!
Arthur.

Arthur!
Rascal!

Arthur!
Rascal!

Arthur!
Rascal!

Dad, you're late.
Dinner's on the table.

Why's my food here?

What do you mean?

Why isn't it there?

That's where you
want me to eat.

Isn't it?

Isn't it?!

[DOOR SLAMS]

[SIGHS]

Oh, well, we
had a nice ride.

How long do you think
he'll stay mad at us?

3, 4 hours.

Ooh, I can spin.

Hi, Arthur.

Hello.
You're looking well.

So are you.

Listen, I'm--I'm really
sorry about everything.

Oh, no need to apologize,
my dear.

We all have to make a living,
I suppose,

not me personally,
but most people.

I--I--I swear that it wasn't
just about the money.

I mean, I really enjoyed
talking with you,

learning about
buzz bombs and trench foot.

Trench foot, yes.

The scourge of
the European battlefield.

That was quite a time.

Hey, listen, um, would you
wanna take a walk with me?

Are you throwing me a freebie?

Of course.

Then I'd like that.

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