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1
00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:20,520
It's breakfast and you're
eating a piece of candy?
2
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,560
It's dessert.
3
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,150
There is no dessert
with breakfast.
4
00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:28,480
Maybe not where you live.
5
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,820
Will you at least take
vitamin?
6
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:32,780
My God, you're a time bomb!
7
00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:50,630
What you got
goin' on there, bub?
8
00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:54,470
[SLURRED]
Trying to swallow
the vitamin
9
00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:56,760
with the Life Saver
in my mouth.
10
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,010
Wow, you're like
the Evil Knievel
11
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,510
of sucking candy.
12
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,100
Wish me luck.
13
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,610
[GAGS]
14
00:01:13,110 --> 00:01:14,360
I got it.
15
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,610
And welcome back,
butterscotch goodness.
16
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:26,580
* My eyesare gettin' weary *
17
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,040
* My back is gettin' tight *
18
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,750
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
19
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:33,670
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
20
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:39,430
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
21
00:01:39,470 --> 00:01:43,720
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
22
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:46,640
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
23
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:51,150
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
24
00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:00,070
Howdy.
25
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,450
Oh, hey. You're home.
26
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,160
Thought you were gonna
go pick up those patches
27
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,120
for the screen door.
28
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,500
Well, I was,
and then I thought
29
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,830
that sounded like
a good errand for you.
30
00:02:08,870 --> 00:02:11,170
Heh. Ooh. Orange Julius.
31
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,710
[SLURPING]
32
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:14,920
OK, honey,
I told you before,
33
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,720
if it's empty by the time
you get home,
34
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:17,970
leave the cup in the car.
35
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:20,260
Don't come in here
showboating with it.
36
00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:21,510
Sorry.
37
00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:22,760
So did you get me
anything?
38
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,020
As a matter of fact,
yes, I did.
39
00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:29,440
Oh! Look at this.
Hi, shirt.
40
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,100
You get to be draped
across my nipples.
41
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:32,520
Congrats!
42
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,690
OK, well, you two
get acquainted.
43
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,740
I'm gonna go
put this stuff away.
44
00:02:38,570 --> 00:02:39,610
Hey, Dad.
45
00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:40,700
Look at this.
46
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,910
4 more break-ins
on Casino Boulevard.
47
00:02:42,950 --> 00:02:45,700
It's getting so you can't
walk out the door anymore.
48
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:47,620
Well, you can
walk out the door.
49
00:02:47,660 --> 00:02:49,540
You just can't
go left.
50
00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:50,830
That's not the point.
51
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:52,830
A man should be able
to walk out his front door,
52
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,210
turn right, turn left,
53
00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:56,300
or walk right out into
the street if he wants to.
54
00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:59,970
Don't make me lock you
in the house, Dad, OK?
55
00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:02,010
Well, hello.
56
00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:02,840
Oooh.
57
00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:04,800
That shirt
looks sexy on you.
58
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:07,060
Does it?
I, uh, hadn't noticed.
59
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,600
Hi, I'm Doug. I'm a Pisces.
60
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,980
I like walks in the rain
and bags of pork rinds.
61
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,110
Work it, baby.
Work it.
62
00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:20,240
I got the trash, babe.
That'll be our deal.
63
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,110
Every time you buy me a shirt,
I take out the trash.
64
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,740
Oh, that's OK, honey.
I got it.
65
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:25,080
I got it.
No, really.
It's fine.
66
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,330
What--
What is this?
67
00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:29,080
Barry's Big and Tall Shop?
68
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:32,670
What?! Oh,
that's trash, baby.
69
00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:35,090
You got my shirt
at the big and tall shop?
70
00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:36,800
Did I?
71
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,630
No, I don't think so.
72
00:03:38,670 --> 00:03:40,510
Oh, I got myself
something there.
73
00:03:40,550 --> 00:03:42,760
What?
A barrette.
74
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,590
Oh, stop it, Carrie.
75
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:45,800
You got my shirt
at the big and tall shop
76
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,560
and you were hiding
the bag from me.
77
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,100
OK, fine. I'm sorry.
78
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:50,930
Oh, man,
I can't believe this.
79
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,270
At most
I thought I was, like,
80
00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:54,310
the biggest size
at Macy's.
81
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,780
When did I
make the crossover?
82
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,700
2 years ago, Christmas.
83
00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:04,070
Oh, my God.
Oh, God!
84
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,780
Come on, honey.
What's the big deal?
85
00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:07,780
It's just
a big and tall store.
86
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,700
Oh, yeah? Well,
let me break it down
for you.
87
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:11,710
I'm certainly not tall.
88
00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:16,290
You're tall.
Sure, you're tall.
89
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:17,290
What are you, 6'2"?
90
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,800
I'm 5'9".
91
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,630
That's pretty damn tall.
92
00:04:21,670 --> 00:04:22,840
Oh, would you come on?!
93
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,640
All right.
Maybe you're
a little bit...
94
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,010
big.
95
00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:29,180
Why is this
even a discussion?
96
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:31,140
The man is gargantuan.
97
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,480
OK, what else came from
the big and tall shop?
98
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,810
Tell me.
What--this belt?
99
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:40,150
My jeans?
My cowboy shirt? What?!
100
00:04:40,190 --> 00:04:43,820
A few things might have
come from there. I don't know.
101
00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:45,740
OK, then let's go
the other way
with it, OK?
102
00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:47,820
What didn't come from
the big and tall shop?
103
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:51,120
OK. I will show you.
104
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,380
The thing is they use
very good fabric.
105
00:05:02,130 --> 00:05:04,130
There's nothing
in there, is there?
106
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:06,180
Yes, there is.
107
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:08,760
This.
108
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:09,720
OK, fine.
109
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,060
Great.
Well, you know what?
110
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:12,810
This is what I'm gonna be
wearing from now on,
111
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:17,020
so you better
get used to it, missy, OK?
112
00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:23,150
I can't feel my hands.
113
00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:32,330
Hi, babe.
What are you doing?
114
00:05:32,370 --> 00:05:35,830
Looking at myself
in various stages of fatness.
115
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,040
Look at this. Come here.
Watch this.
116
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,460
You can actually
see me gaining weight.
117
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,380
Hey.
118
00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:45,300
Watch this.
119
00:05:45,340 --> 00:05:47,760
And there goes my neck.
120
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,720
OK, would you
stop this now?
121
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:51,890
Here.
Just watch some TV.
122
00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:53,560
* The tiny ship was tossed *
123
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,980
* If not for the courageof the fearless crew *
124
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,230
* The minnow would be lost *
125
00:05:58,270 --> 00:06:00,060
* The minnowwould be lost *
126
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,110
Oh, my God.
I'm fatter than the Skipper.
127
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:03,900
OK. Enough.
128
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,190
This is brutal.
129
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,610
I knew I wasn't slim
or even normal size,
130
00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:10,030
but seeing that bag,
you know?
131
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,830
Honey, you are really
overreacting to this.
132
00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:15,450
I mean, you are
totally attractive.
133
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,580
So you--You still love me?
134
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:20,540
Of course
I still love you.
135
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,880
I love you
no matter what.
136
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:27,220
What does that mean,
"no matter what"?
137
00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:28,930
Nothing.
Just that I love you.
138
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,430
No, "no matter what"
means you love me
139
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,100
even though I have
some sort of problem,
140
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:33,890
like no job
or no money
141
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:36,560
or Biggie can't fit
through doorway!
142
00:06:38,350 --> 00:06:39,940
OK. I take it back.
143
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,110
I love you.
That's it. Period.
144
00:06:42,150 --> 00:06:43,730
No, come on, Carrie.
I'm being serious here.
145
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,440
Let's go.
You're telling me
right now
146
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:49,110
you have no problem
with that area in here?
147
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:51,990
Nothing?
148
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,910
Well, you know,
for health reasons--
149
00:06:55,950 --> 00:06:57,040
No, no, no, no.
150
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,250
I'm not talking
about health here, OK?
151
00:06:58,290 --> 00:06:59,790
Let's assume
I'm in perfect health
152
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:01,830
and I don't have
that flutter.
153
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,380
I want to know
right now:
154
00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:06,300
Am I as sexy
and attractive
to you as ever?
155
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:08,920
Huh? Is this it for you?
Am I perfect?
156
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,590
Well...
[CLEARS THROAT]
157
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,640
I guess
it wouldn't kill me
158
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,470
if you lost
a little weight.
159
00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:18,100
Ah-ha! OK,
160
00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:20,980
and how much weight
would it not kill you
for me to lose?
161
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:23,400
I don't know.
50 pounds?
162
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,570
50?!
All right! Less!
163
00:07:25,610 --> 00:07:27,820
Whatever.
You made me say it.
164
00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:29,570
I can't believe
you said 50!
165
00:07:29,610 --> 00:07:32,570
Doug, come on! You know
I love you no matter--Ah.
166
00:07:32,610 --> 00:07:34,370
This is--
This is unbelievable.
167
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,160
You know, here I am
walking around thinking
everything's great.
168
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,990
Meanwhile, you're
smuggling in my clothes
169
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,660
and hating
the way I look!
170
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,420
No, I don't hate
the way you look, OK?
171
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,330
But, yes, I admit it.
172
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,170
You could lose
a little weight,
173
00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:48,800
but, Doug, come on.
I'm sure there are
things about me
174
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,260
you wish were different
that you hold back on.
175
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,550
You? No, you're--
You're perfect.
176
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:52,970
Yeah, right.
Hey, look,
177
00:07:53,010 --> 00:07:54,140
when you start getting
the old lady whiskers
178
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:57,430
I'll let you know,
but for now...
179
00:07:57,470 --> 00:07:58,930
you're fine.
180
00:07:58,970 --> 00:08:01,100
Doug, come on.
This could be really good
for our marriage.
181
00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:03,730
I mean, if there
are things bothering us
about each other,
182
00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:04,940
we should just get 'em
out there, you know?
183
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:06,440
It's healthy.
184
00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:09,690
I guess.
185
00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:10,690
All right, so come on.
186
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,490
Hit me, baby.
187
00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:15,910
Uh...
188
00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:18,660
I guess maybe
sometimes...
189
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:23,250
you wear a little
too much makeup.
190
00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:30,340
What do you mean?
191
00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:33,760
Well, just, you know,
all that goop
over there--
192
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,760
sometimes I think
you could just...
193
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,470
back her down a notch.
194
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:43,890
OK, this is stinging
more than I thought it would.
195
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,270
So you really think
I wear too much makeup?
196
00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,400
No. I just--
Like if we're going out
for burgers,
197
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,190
you know, and I throw on
a pair of sweatpants
and a baseball hat,
198
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:54,110
you look like you're
going to the opera...
199
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,530
or you're in the opera.
200
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,410
OK. OK.
201
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:08,250
I will try
to wear less makeup.
202
00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:09,420
Well, this is great.
All right.
203
00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:10,920
But we're gonna
do this together, OK?
204
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,800
And I'm gonna join a gym
and start to diet.
205
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,380
I'm gonna whip
this body into shape,
206
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:17,930
'cause nobody's calling me
Fatty McButterpants anymore.
207
00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:22,350
Somebody called you
Fatty McButterpants?
208
00:09:22,390 --> 00:09:25,390
On line at the bank
yesterday, yeah.
209
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,270
And it took seeing
the big and tall bag
210
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,320
to push you over the edge?
211
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,990
Mm-hmm.
212
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:45,000
OK. I dieted
for the last 8 hours.
213
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,540
Granted, I was asleep,
but I can feel it.
214
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:49,130
Something's happening.
215
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:53,670
And I have
almost no makeup on.
216
00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:55,920
Take a good look around, fat.
217
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,340
Look at this house,
218
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:01,180
'cause you ain't
comin' back here no more.
219
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:02,640
By the way, uh,
220
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,470
I'm joining the gym
on the Deacon's
family plan,
221
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,890
so if anybody calls,
222
00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:09,020
he's the man
I share my life with.
223
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,610
Carrie...
224
00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:16,490
I'm not putting it on!
I'm just looking at it.
225
00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:18,700
It's sparkly.
226
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:22,330
OK.
227
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,450
Darling,
228
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,670
let me introduce you
to Frank,
229
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:31,540
a.k.a. Mr. Safety.
230
00:10:31,580 --> 00:10:33,550
Mr. Safety?
231
00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:35,210
Reading about
this recent crime wave
232
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,420
made me concerned
for your well-being.
233
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,720
Just sit him on
the passenger seat in your car
234
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,180
when you're going to work,
235
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:45,350
and the carjackers will
move on to easier prey.
236
00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:49,020
Dad, I take
the subway to work.
237
00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:52,860
Well, then, take him
on the subway with you.
238
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:56,110
He has no legs.
239
00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:58,490
Pretend he's an amputee.
240
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,280
Dad, how is
a legless doll
241
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,740
gonna protect me
on the subway?
242
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,080
Why are you being
so difficult?!
243
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,040
I'm trying
to save your life!
244
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,250
Oh, forget it!
245
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:17,090
Nope.
246
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,510
What's up, ladies?
247
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,730
All right.
Let's light this candle.
248
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,250
* My blood runs cold *
249
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:55,130
* My memoryhas just been sold *
250
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:57,130
* Angel is a centerfold *
251
00:11:57,170 --> 00:12:00,130
* Angel is a centerfold *
252
00:12:00,510 --> 00:12:01,720
Argh!
253
00:12:03,970 --> 00:12:05,550
Argh!
254
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,970
[HUMMING
"ANGEL IS A CENTERFOLD"]
255
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,730
[SLOWLY STOPS HUMMING]
256
00:12:13,810 --> 00:12:16,150
Argh!
257
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,490
DOUG: Little help?
258
00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:33,750
Hello, Douglas.
259
00:12:33,790 --> 00:12:36,380
So...
260
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:37,960
you, uh...
261
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,010
You got your guy
at the table now, huh?
262
00:12:41,050 --> 00:12:44,970
That's right. Ne'er-do-wells
could be casing our house
as we speak.
263
00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:47,800
Yeah, then why are you playing
pinochle with him?
264
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,470
Because, moron, if I don't treat
Mr. Safety like a real person,
265
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,850
they'll know he's a fake.
266
00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:55,230
Yeah, well,
I gotta tell you,
still weird.
267
00:12:57,770 --> 00:13:00,980
What's up with the walk,
Frankenstein? Heh.
268
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,440
[CHUCKLES]
I just joined the gym,
269
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,030
and I might have
overdone it.
270
00:13:04,070 --> 00:13:04,900
Gym, huh?
271
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:05,990
Throwing your money
away.
272
00:13:06,030 --> 00:13:07,370
I got 2 words for you,
friend:
273
00:13:07,410 --> 00:13:08,700
dynamic tension.
274
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:09,870
Give me a bag of rice,
275
00:13:09,910 --> 00:13:11,700
gallon of milk,
and a rubber band,
276
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:15,040
and I'll give you a workout
you won't soon forget.
277
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,840
Don't work out
with my milk, OK?
278
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,210
I'm telling you,
it works.
279
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:23,340
Look at the shape
I'm in.
280
00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:24,420
I weigh exactly
what I weighed
281
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,720
when I was
12 years old.
282
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:33,020
[GROANING]
283
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,070
[GROANING]
284
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:46,450
* She's a superfreak,superfreak *
285
00:13:46,490 --> 00:13:48,240
* She's superfreaky *
286
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,490
* Yeow *
287
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,580
What was that?
288
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:53,200
You are not
gonna believe this.
289
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,750
At work I got
all these compliments
about the no-makeup thing.
290
00:13:56,790 --> 00:13:58,540
I mean, people telling me
I looked great,
291
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,920
and, like, younger.
Really?
292
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,420
Yes! And I actually
got carded at lunch,
293
00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,220
and then I went
to 2 other places,
294
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:06,420
got carded again.
295
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,470
I'm not gonna
lie to you, honey,
296
00:14:07,510 --> 00:14:09,890
I'm a little looped. Heh.
297
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:12,310
Well, that's great.
Well, great for you.
298
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:13,720
It is great, isn't it?
299
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,770
I mean, we decided
to be more honest
with each other,
300
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,310
you know, set some goals,
301
00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:18,310
work on some stuff,
302
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:21,150
and we did it!
Unh.
303
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:22,480
Yeah, we--we did it.
304
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,150
Yeah.
305
00:14:24,190 --> 00:14:25,820
You're done.
306
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,410
Wow.
307
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:31,950
It's like without my makeup
308
00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:35,370
my eyes stand out
in this really great way,
309
00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:38,000
and my mouth
is so naturally pouty.
310
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,620
I tell you,
311
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:40,920
this telling
each other stuff
312
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,130
was the best thing
we ever did, babe.
313
00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:47,220
You know,
there is other stuff.
314
00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:49,630
Huh?
315
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:50,890
There's more things
that you could work on
316
00:14:50,930 --> 00:14:53,300
about yourself,
you know.
317
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,140
There are?
318
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:56,520
A couple, yeah.
319
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,980
Well, how come
you didn't mention it
the other night?
320
00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,270
I don't know.
I guess I didn't want
321
00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:00,690
to dump everything
on you all at once.
322
00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:01,940
Like, I thought
this makeup thing
323
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,570
was gonna be hard enough
for you, but now--
324
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:05,900
OK. Like what?
325
00:15:05,940 --> 00:15:07,780
Um...
326
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:09,200
your accent.
327
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,280
My accent?!
328
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,780
It's a little thick,
honey.
329
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:14,370
OK, well, what the hell
am I supposed to do?
330
00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:15,490
It's the way I talk.
331
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,750
Tawlk. See? That
right there, tawlk.
332
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,330
All right,
so what are you saying?
333
00:15:18,370 --> 00:15:19,910
After 7 years
all of a sudden
my accent bothers you?!
334
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,670
It's not a question
of it botheringme.
335
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,960
I mean, look,
are you smart? Sure.
336
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,460
Do you sound smart?
337
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,380
[GROANS]
338
00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:32,340
Oh, OK.
339
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,510
Um, so what else?
340
00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:36,010
Your laugh.
My laugh?
341
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,730
Yeah. Ha!
342
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:41,020
Well, I thought
people think my laugh
is fun.
343
00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:43,980
Yes, if you think loud,
scary noises are fun.
344
00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:48,440
Oh, OK. So what else?
What else?
345
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,150
Nothing else.
Come on. Tell me!
346
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,530
There's nothing else!
Is it my forehead?
347
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:53,200
What?
Last week I told you
348
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,530
my hairdresser said
I had a big forehead.
You said it was fine,
349
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:58,160
but you were lying,
weren't you?
350
00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,500
To protect you, yes.
351
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:10,470
[PROGRAM PLAYING
ON TV INDISTINCTLY]
352
00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:17,060
Hey, fellas...
353
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,390
Could I speak to Arthur
in private?
354
00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:24,690
He's for safety!
That's all.
355
00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:26,440
Watch this part.
356
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,240
Carrie, come on.
Let's go!
357
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,490
I'm comin'!
358
00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:36,320
Coming.
359
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:39,040
I'm coming.
360
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,130
MALE MOVIE ANNOUNCER:
From Columbia Pictures,
361
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:52,510
comes a comedy abouta happy-go-lucky polygamist
362
00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:55,550
and his 5 very different wives.It's your classic
363
00:16:55,590 --> 00:17:03,020
boy-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl-meets-girl story.
364
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:05,560
MAN [IN MOVIE]:
Honeys! I'm home!
365
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:09,270
[CHUCKLES]
366
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,070
What's up with her?
367
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,860
MAN [IN MOVIE]:
How can 5 women have a headache
368
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:15,490
on the same night?!
369
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,370
Oh, my.
370
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,040
Hey, Deac,
question for you.
371
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,750
Yeah.
372
00:17:28,790 --> 00:17:30,800
You ever feel bad
about yourself
373
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,470
so you tell Kelly
there are things
wrong with her
374
00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:38,090
just to, you know...
hurt her?
375
00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:43,640
You're asking me
if I mentally abuse my wife?
376
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,310
Yeah.
377
00:17:45,350 --> 00:17:46,730
No, I don't.
378
00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:48,440
Me neither.
379
00:17:49,690 --> 00:17:50,980
Wait. Does this
have anything to do
380
00:17:51,020 --> 00:17:54,030
with why Carrie
was acting so freaky
last night?
381
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:56,530
It might.
I don't know.
382
00:17:56,570 --> 00:17:58,110
What did you do?
383
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,240
First, she told me
that I could stand
to lose a little weight,
384
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,750
so I told her
to wear less makeup,
385
00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:07,080
to work on her accent,
her laugh,
386
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,000
and her huge forehead.
387
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,250
I'm sorry.
Her huge forehead?
388
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:14,170
All right, maybe it's not
freakshow material,
389
00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:16,130
but she draws some looks.
390
00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:18,130
Step aside, bro.
[CHUCKLES]
391
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,470
You are messed up.
How am I messed up?
392
00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:22,680
Carrie tells you
you have to lose weight,
393
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,310
which is like--Come on.
394
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:27,060
And you tell her
she has to work
on her forehead?!
395
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:28,600
How the hell
do you work on a forehead?
396
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:32,110
Hey, I had to eat
baby carrots at the movies.
397
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:33,780
Yes, all right. Nice work
on your relationship.
398
00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,240
Sounds real healthy.
399
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,530
Hey, don't judge me, "Mr. Black
Dr. Joyce Brothers", OK?
400
00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:41,120
You're tall and thin.
You don't understand my issues.
401
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,700
And I don't want
to understand 'em.
402
00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:43,870
Yeah, all right. Yeah.
403
00:18:43,910 --> 00:18:45,450
Walk away.
That's right, Tall-ee.
404
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:46,500
Whoo-hoo, I'm big.
405
00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:48,040
Yeah, have fun
ducking under doorways.
406
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:49,670
I'm on this now!
407
00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:52,500
[SCREAMING] I hate me!
408
00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:57,670
[GROWLS]
409
00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:01,140
Argh!
410
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:03,300
Yeah! Oh, you like this?!
411
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,930
Yeah! Yeah!
You want some?!
412
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,530
What's going on?
413
00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:19,400
I lied!
What?
414
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:22,570
I lied, OK.
I'm not Fatty McButterpants.
415
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,580
I'm Fatty McLiarpants.
416
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:25,910
What did you lie about?
417
00:19:25,950 --> 00:19:27,870
About all that stuff
I told you is wrong about you.
418
00:19:27,910 --> 00:19:29,580
You know,
I made it all up...
419
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:30,750
because I was suffering,
420
00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:32,210
and I wanted
to drag you down with me.
421
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:35,090
Man, I'm not even
Fatty McLiarpants.
422
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,880
I'm Fatty McEvilpants.
423
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,380
All right, could you
stop saying what you are
424
00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:40,430
with the words "fatty"
and "pants" around it,
425
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,930
and just let me
process this for a minute?
426
00:19:42,970 --> 00:19:45,060
So you have no problem
with my accent?
427
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,560
No! It's regional.
It has character.
428
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,100
And my laugh?
429
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:51,310
A burst of energy.
430
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:53,270
And this, uh,
football field up here?
431
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,270
I love your forehead,
OK?
432
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,360
I'd carry it around
in my wallet
433
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,110
if that was any way...
workable.
434
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:00,200
I can't believe this!
435
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,820
I know.
I was so out of line.
436
00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:04,370
It's just that
you came in so happy,
437
00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:06,790
and I couldn't
get my shoes off.
438
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,240
So I flailed at you.
439
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,710
I'm sorry.
Do you forgive me?
440
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,960
No!
I don't forgive you.
441
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,460
I mean, you had me
walking around
442
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,710
acting
like an idiot.
443
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:19,300
You made me feel really
bad about myself, Doug.
444
00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:22,130
I know!
I didn't mean to.
445
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,430
You did mean to.
446
00:20:23,470 --> 00:20:25,550
That was
the whole point,
right?
447
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,560
I guess it was, yes.
448
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:29,850
I'm sorry.
449
00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:32,890
No. No.
I don't forgive you.
450
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:33,810
You don't?!
451
00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:34,850
No.
Never?!
452
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,020
No!
453
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:38,070
I mean, what you did
was--was horrible.
454
00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:39,480
I mean, "Oh,
I'm sorry, Carrie."
455
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,320
"Oh, OK." That's not
gonna cut it, buddy.
456
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,320
Hey, how about this?
How about this, huh?
457
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:46,450
How about you
think of another thing
458
00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:47,830
that you don't like
about me,
459
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:49,240
something
really hard to fix.
460
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,660
All right?
Then I'll have the weight
461
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:52,370
and the new hard thing.
That's 2 hard things.
462
00:20:52,410 --> 00:20:54,040
And you'll have nothing.
Huh?
463
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,830
What do you say there,
sugar?
464
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,540
Hmm?
465
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,460
Well, that's not bad.
466
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:00,800
OK.
467
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,680
So come on.
Hit me. Gloves off.
468
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,680
Your hair.
469
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,260
My hair?
470
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,100
Thinning.
471
00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:13,390
In the front
a little?
472
00:21:14,230 --> 00:21:16,270
In the front, yes...
473
00:21:16,310 --> 00:21:19,570
and in the back...
474
00:21:21,570 --> 00:21:23,530
and on the sides.
475
00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:25,860
You're really starting
to enjoy this, aren't you?
476
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,200
Little bit.
477
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,490
ARTHUR: Carrie!
478
00:21:29,530 --> 00:21:31,240
They got to him!
479
00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:35,790
I'll kill you,
you vicious thugs!
480
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,540
Ironic, isn't it?
481
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:41,590
The only one Mr. Safety
couldn't protect
was himself.
482
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:03,740
Hey.
483
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,030
Give me
your wallet.
484
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:12,620
All right.
485
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,090
Idiot.
486
00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:30,180
[**]
33841
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