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1
00:00:02,540 --> 00:00:03,710
[**]
2
00:00:03,750 --> 00:00:04,750
Come on, Stan.
That's enough sniffing.
3
00:00:04,790 --> 00:00:06,670
How about some action?
4
00:00:06,710 --> 00:00:10,170
Doug, fine-lookin' lady,
12:00.
5
00:00:13,550 --> 00:00:15,640
ARTHUR: Look at the walkin'
sticks on her.
6
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,510
She's the a-train,
and it's a lucky man
7
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:18,560
who's holdin' the token.
8
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,720
All aboard!
9
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,350
You know what
I'm sayin', huh?
10
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,150
Yeah, she's, uh...
she's pretty cute.
11
00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:27,520
What did you say?
12
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,360
I'm agreeing with you.
She's cute.
13
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,610
You're putting me
in a very uncomfortable
14
00:00:32,650 --> 00:00:34,150
position here, Douglas.
15
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,240
What?
16
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,740
You're married
to my daughter,
17
00:00:36,780 --> 00:00:37,780
and you're ogling
another woman
18
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,160
right in front of me?
19
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,080
How dare you!
20
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,500
I'm just trying
to walk my dog.
21
00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:44,790
Fine!
22
00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:47,790
Sweet charity.
23
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,250
That's a tasty
lookin' lamb chop.
24
00:00:50,380 --> 00:00:51,840
You with me?
25
00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:54,260
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
26
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,720
Hey-eh.
27
00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,720
MALE SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
28
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,350
*My back is gettin' tight*
29
00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:05,390
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
30
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,230
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
31
00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:13,400
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
32
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:17,610
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
33
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,160
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
34
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:25,870
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
35
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,800
[**]
36
00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:34,960
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
37
00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:36,930
-Hey, boy.
-Whoo-hoo!
38
00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:38,090
Thought you guys weren't
getting here till, like, 8:00.
39
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,510
Well, we could have
got here at 8:00,
40
00:01:39,550 --> 00:01:41,050
but then it would have been
too late to sit behind home
41
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,810
plate at the Met game!
42
00:01:42,850 --> 00:01:43,810
The Mets? Tonight?
43
00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:45,310
I could kiss you
on the mouth!
44
00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:46,640
Excuse me.
45
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,190
I'm the one who
bought the tickets.
46
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:50,900
-Gotta go, gents.
-Yeah, yeah.
47
00:01:50,940 --> 00:01:52,610
Let me just
leave a note for Carrie.
48
00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:55,150
Did you know beers
are 5.50 at Shea now?
49
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:57,700
Oh, yeah?
Well, they're free here.
50
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,910
[GROANS] Ohh!
51
00:02:05,950 --> 00:02:08,670
I had theworstday!
52
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,000
You did, huh?
53
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,220
Want to, uh, very quickly,
tell me about it?
54
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,850
My firm just won
that big airline case,
55
00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:24,560
which I worked
2,000 hours on,
56
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:25,890
and my boss walks
around the office
57
00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:27,810
and thanks everybody
personally by name.
58
00:02:27,850 --> 00:02:29,060
Did I get a thanks?
59
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:31,900
Um...I hope so.
60
00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:34,190
No-o-o!
61
00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:36,860
I got a
"Where's my bagel?"
62
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,190
I was so ticked off
63
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,320
that I stole a bottle
of White Out!
64
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,200
And it opened
in my purse.
65
00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,040
Hug, honey.
66
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,040
Uh...yeah.
Sure! Come here.
67
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,210
Aw! Mmm!
68
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,330
Yeah! There you go.
You feel better?
69
00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:53,750
That's good, huh?
Yeah!
70
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:55,880
Yeah.
71
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:56,960
Massage?
72
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,350
Okay, why am I the one
who has to smuggle beer in?
73
00:03:05,390 --> 00:03:07,720
'Cause you're
oddly-shaped as it is.
74
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,600
Suck in your stomach.
75
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,230
Okay. Uh! Cold beer!
Cold!
76
00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:13,810
What's takin'
Doug so long?
77
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,360
Mmm...
78
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:21,070
Honey, that feels
so good.
79
00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:23,070
You're my official
rub boy
80
00:03:23,110 --> 00:03:24,240
for the rest of the night.
81
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,910
Okay, stop it! Stop it!
You're in the eye!
82
00:03:28,950 --> 00:03:31,370
Oh, hi, Carrie.
Hi!
83
00:03:31,410 --> 00:03:33,710
Uh, Doug,
it's a quarter of.
84
00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:38,710
-What's up?
-Ha.
85
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,880
Spence got us
Met tickets.
86
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,050
It's all here
in the note.
87
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,180
Why didn't you
just tell me?
88
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:47,060
Why'd you let me
keep babbling?
89
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,770
Because I care
about you.
90
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:51,390
I also care about the Mets,
so I was torn.
91
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,230
Go have fun! Go!
92
00:03:54,270 --> 00:03:56,360
-Really? Yeah?
-Yes! Yeah, go!
93
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,190
Okay. You know,
you should call a friend
94
00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:00,860
and go out, too,
you know, have a good time!
95
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,150
Yeah, maybe. I'll see.
96
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,950
We always said that Friday
night was friend night.
97
00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:05,160
Honey, would you just go?
I'll be fine.
98
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,240
-I lov--
-DEACON: Doug!
99
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,240
Comin' now!
See you later, okay?
100
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,410
CARRIE: Hey, Kel, it's me.
Listen,
101
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,000
wanna go grab
some dinner tonight?
102
00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:17,380
Oh, I don't mind going
with you and the kids.
103
00:04:18,710 --> 00:04:20,840
You promised them
Chuck E. Cheese, huh?
104
00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:24,970
Hey, Lynn. I know
we haven't talked for 3 years,
105
00:04:25,010 --> 00:04:26,800
but I gotta tell ya...
106
00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:31,350
I don't even remember
what our fight was about.
107
00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:34,940
Okay, Lynn?
108
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:36,440
Lynn. L-lynn?
109
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:37,730
Lynn!
110
00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:40,690
Okay, fine. You know what?
You're still a slut.
111
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,990
-Hey, you!
-Hey, how was the game?
112
00:04:48,030 --> 00:04:48,990
Oh, it was great!
113
00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:51,120
Extra innings.
Which means...
114
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,790
let's face it,
I ate more.
115
00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:56,330
Mmm...
116
00:04:56,370 --> 00:04:58,840
guessing you didn't
go out tonight.
117
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,500
Nah!
118
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,210
Oh. That's a...
lotta gumballs.
119
00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:07,760
It's pretty easy,
once you get the edges.
120
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:08,850
Still...
121
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,890
Thought you were gonna
call one of your friends.
122
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:13,350
I don't have
any friends.
123
00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:14,890
What are you talking about?
You have friends.
124
00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:16,350
Well, I did.
125
00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:18,150
Now they all have
babies
126
00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:20,940
or they hate me
or I hate them.
127
00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:24,320
You know, why don't
we just forget
128
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,740
this whole
friend night thing,
129
00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:29,870
and you and I just
hang out on Friday night?
130
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,080
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
131
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,410
That's...certainly
one way to go.
132
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,830
Or...we keep
friend night
133
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,920
and we find you
a friend, huh?
134
00:05:42,130 --> 00:05:43,510
Find me a friend.
135
00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:46,130
Okay, that doesn't make
me sound too pathetic.
136
00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,180
You know what?
I just remembered.
137
00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:49,510
There's a woman
about your age
138
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,550
who just moved in
down the street!
139
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,060
So?
140
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:54,140
It's fate!
Hi, fate.
141
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,400
Hey. Neighbors.
Just came by to say howdy.
142
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,150
JESSICA: What? Yes.
143
00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:05,990
Yes, thank you very much.
144
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,070
I'm sorry, I'll be with you
in two seconds.
145
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:11,530
I just need to find my...
146
00:06:12,950 --> 00:06:14,240
I'm sorry, what?
You're neighbors?
147
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,080
Yes, indeed.
Doug and Carrie Heffernan.
148
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,330
Just came by to welcome you
to the 'hood.
149
00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:22,090
Hi, I'm Carrie.
Hi. Hi, hi.
150
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,920
You got a name there?
151
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,420
Yeah, heh, oh, sorry.
152
00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:28,340
Yeah, Jessica Wicks.
I'm sorry, I'm so frazzled,
153
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:29,720
it's just...
154
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,930
I've spent the last two days
moving out of my loft,
155
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:33,220
which I had every right
to keep,
156
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,890
but you know what?
My ex-husband can have it,
157
00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:36,270
he can enjoy it.
With any luck,
158
00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:37,520
he'll trip
and split his head open
159
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,060
on the coffee table.
160
00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:42,980
This is nice.
161
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:44,270
Oh, there they are.
162
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,280
Oh, hey, smoker,
honey, huh?
163
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:47,610
Carrie here used
to be a big smoker.
164
00:06:47,650 --> 00:06:49,110
Still would be, too,
but she started
165
00:06:49,150 --> 00:06:50,110
to cough up black stuff.
166
00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:53,580
Ah, but she loved it.
167
00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:54,870
So what house
you in?
168
00:06:54,910 --> 00:06:56,950
Uh, 8013,
just down the block.
169
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,580
Oh, wait a minute.
There's a really cute guy
170
00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:00,040
who came out of 8017.
171
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,920
-Mmm. Freak.
-Really?
172
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:02,960
Mm-hmm.
He has a rabbit.
173
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,050
He walks it.
174
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,130
You'll see him.
175
00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:07,920
Shoot! I was hoping
for a piece of that.
176
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,510
Me, too!
177
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:11,930
Oh.
178
00:07:11,970 --> 00:07:13,510
Kidding, honey.
179
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:15,220
Ha ha.
Hey, look at this!
180
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,970
You both want to sleep
with the same guy.
181
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,560
Hey, I'll watch
the rabbit.
182
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:30,360
Douglas.
183
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,650
Arthur.
184
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:34,280
Thank God
it's dinner time.
185
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,080
T.G.I.D., right?
186
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,330
What?
187
00:07:41,710 --> 00:07:43,380
Never mind.
Never mind.
188
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,140
So, you have a good day?
189
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:56,050
Oh yeah, very busy.
190
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:59,060
Long story short,
all the shag carpet
is now the same length.
191
00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:15,030
Hey, w-where's the food?
192
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:16,990
I don't know.
193
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:20,080
It's usually...
just right here.
194
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,040
-What do we do?
-I don't know. I don't know.
195
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,120
[LOUDER]
What do we do?
196
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,460
I know about as much
as you do right now!
197
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:29,460
Carrie!
198
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,460
-Sweetheart?
-Carrie!
199
00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:37,100
Douglas, is there a plan B?
200
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,180
-Are you kidding me?
-They're huge,
201
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:42,480
and she still
says they're real!
202
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,400
Oh, stop they still have
the price tag on 'em.
203
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,020
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Dad.
204
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,020
Hiya, Doug.
Hi, Mr. Spooner.
205
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,360
Please,
call me Dutch.
206
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,110
Sorry we're late.
We were shopping,
207
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:54,240
and we picked up
some Greek food
208
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,570
from this place
Jess knows.
209
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,620
So you guys were together
again today, huh?
210
00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:59,370
Hey, I did a pretty good job.
211
00:08:59,410 --> 00:09:01,450
I got a natural ability
for this, don't I?
212
00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:03,290
It's a gift. It's a gift.
It really is.
213
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:05,460
God gave me the gift.
I got the pow-ah!
214
00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:09,540
So this morning,
I'm scanning bar codes
215
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,250
with the new 826 for--
216
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,630
it's gotta be like half
the morning, right?
217
00:09:12,670 --> 00:09:15,340
I mean, I scan, send
it out, scan, send it out.
218
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:16,590
Then I check down
finally--
219
00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:18,430
What sauce goes on
these lumpy balls?
220
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:20,260
Lumpy balls...
white stuff.
221
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,600
Ah, thank you.
222
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:24,600
Anyway, I look down
at the databank,
223
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,100
and there's nothing!
There's no data.
224
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,270
And the packages,
they're out there,
225
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,560
-they're gone--
-Oh, my God!
226
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:30,770
This is
awesome!
227
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:31,980
I know,
I know.
228
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,070
Can you even believe
there is a place this good
229
00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:35,450
in that skeevy
little mini-mall?
230
00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:36,650
I know!
You know what?
231
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,200
This goes to show you,
maybe we should try
232
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,030
that gynecologist
on the second floor.
233
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,790
-You first.
-You first, lady!
234
00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:42,790
Oh, ha ha ha!
235
00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:46,620
[LAUGHTER]
236
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,750
Oh! I'm sorry,
honey.
237
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:50,960
What were you
saying?
238
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,630
Okay. So the packages,
they're gone, right?
239
00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:55,130
Without a shred of data.
240
00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:56,760
Oh, and by the way,
this all happening
241
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,590
on a day when we're a man
short. So what I do is--
242
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,300
[RING]
243
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,430
Oh, that's me.
244
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:02,890
-[RING]
-Do you mind?
245
00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:06,060
No, no, no. Just remember--
scanner broken. Man short.
246
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,730
Hello?
247
00:10:07,770 --> 00:10:08,690
Oh, hi!
248
00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,110
Uh-huh.
249
00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:11,480
It's Steve.
250
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:12,440
Yeah.
251
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,190
-Who's Steve?
-Shh, shh, shh!
252
00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:15,780
Who did she say
Steve was?
253
00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:17,200
She didn't say.
254
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:18,490
Steve Allen?
255
00:10:20,070 --> 00:10:21,660
Shh! It's her ex-husband.
256
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:24,290
No, I do not have
your precious DVD player.
257
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,120
I don't even know
what a DVD player is.
258
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,160
I have it.
259
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,500
Good, good.
260
00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:29,670
JESSICA: So, listen,
261
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,330
I'm pulling into a parking
garage right now,
262
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:32,590
so if I lose you, I'll--
263
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:35,380
CARRIE:
Ho ho! Ooh!
264
00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:37,170
Parking garage.
I like that.
265
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,470
You know,
I usually use tunnel,
266
00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:40,510
but I think people are
catching on to that one.
267
00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:48,100
So, um, anyway,
268
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:48,810
you were saying
about work--
269
00:10:48,850 --> 00:10:50,100
the scale at work?
270
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,230
It's a scanner.
271
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:52,230
Mm! Right.
The scanner.
272
00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:53,440
Okay, so what
happened?
273
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:56,070
Okay...uh...
274
00:10:56,110 --> 00:10:57,400
scanner broken.
A man down.
275
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,360
Packages gone,
right?
276
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,870
And then, turns out
one of the packages
277
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:03,700
on the truck
278
00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:05,620
was full of
scanners.
279
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:14,750
That's funny,
baby.
280
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,210
It is funny!
281
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:17,170
Oh, sure, it's funny.
282
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,470
Barrel of laughs!
283
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:20,550
Until little Jimmy
doesn't get his new bike!
284
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,390
Y-you don't understand
the point of the story.
285
00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:26,470
You see, it's ironic
that our scanner went down
286
00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:27,640
and we sent out a perfectly
287
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,770
good box of scanners
without scanning it!
288
00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:31,140
That's not ironic.
289
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,310
Yes, it is!
290
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,230
Forget it!
I'm getting a beer!
291
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:38,570
CARRIE: So what else did you
get besides the DVD player?
292
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,280
JESSICA: His Soloflex
and his insulin.
293
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:41,740
CARRIE: You got
the insulin?!
294
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:43,240
JESSICA: Yes, I did.
I hid it.
295
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,410
CARRIE: Oh!
296
00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:46,120
[LAUGHTER]
297
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,250
[ARTHUR LAUGHING]
298
00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:51,460
Ow! Not a twist-off!
299
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,880
No, Jess,
you were totally right.
300
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:03,890
Hey!
301
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,760
No! If they screwed it up,
302
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,640
you shouldn't have
to pay for it.
303
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:10,850
I'm home.
304
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:13,560
No, I've done that.
About...
305
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,770
like, a year ago,
306
00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:15,940
they made my nails
look like crap,
307
00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:17,190
and I just walked out.
308
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:22,860
Uh-huh. And then
what'd she say?
309
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:26,280
Really?
310
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,870
So what happened?
311
00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:45,890
She still talking
to Jessica?
312
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:49,180
Uh, yeah.
313
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,270
Oh, that young lady
is a breath of fresh air.
314
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,850
Such passion,
suchjoie de vivre,
315
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,270
something we could
use a little more
316
00:12:55,310 --> 00:12:56,730
of around here.
317
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,230
What are you
trying to say?
318
00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:00,820
That was not your
best package story
319
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:01,900
last night.
320
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,820
I was interrupted.
321
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,740
Whatever helps you
sleep at night.
322
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:11,240
Honey, you're going
out with your friends
323
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,830
-Friday night, right?
-No, well, we didn't talk yet,
324
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:14,870
-but I don't even--
-Yeah, I can go.
325
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,880
Yeah. That sounds
great.
326
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,250
Yeah, I can go.
Yeah, that sounds great. Yeah.
327
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,180
DOUG:Friday night.Out with the boys.
328
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,140
Me and the boys...
329
00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:37,150
are out.
330
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:41,520
What are we gonna do?
331
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,980
There's gotta be one movie
that isn't sold out.
332
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:45,240
I said we should've bought
tickets over the phone.
333
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,780
That's gay.
334
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,990
What is gay about buying
tickets over the phone?
335
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,330
It just is.
336
00:13:54,370 --> 00:13:56,000
You know where Carrie
and Jessica went tonight?
337
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,250
They went to a jazz club.
You believe that crap?
338
00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:02,630
I like jazz.
339
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,800
Hey, Dougie!
340
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:13,970
Well, somebody's
in a good mood.
341
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,690
I guess you really
likejazz,huh?
342
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,690
Nah. We left after 10
minutes. We went bowling.
343
00:14:18,730 --> 00:14:20,400
Bowling?
You hate bowling.
344
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,900
I don't think you can
call what we did bowling.
345
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:24,690
I think combined
we bowled, like, a 20.
346
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,780
And, oh, by the way,
347
00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:28,410
I got hit on by
the shoe rental guy,
348
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,370
so treat me right,
baby.
349
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:34,160
Yeah, could you, uh...
350
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,000
-could you come here for a sec?
-Huh?
351
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,120
I think we, uh,
need to have a little talk.
352
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,870
Oh, sure.
353
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,880
What's up?
354
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:43,880
If you could think of
one thing missing
355
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:44,960
from our marriage,
356
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,260
what would that be?
357
00:14:47,260 --> 00:14:49,010
A commitment
to dieting?
358
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,680
Fair enough. But that's
really just me. I meant...
359
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,140
from us together,
like as a couple.
360
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:58,230
Foreplay?
361
00:14:58,270 --> 00:14:59,810
Again, more me.
362
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,060
I'm gonna stop
the bleeding here
363
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,440
and just tell you
what's on my mind.
364
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,820
There ya go.
365
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:09,240
I just think that if
you and I don't, you know,
366
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,370
make an effort to spend
more quality time together,
367
00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:15,040
potentially
we could...
368
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,040
veer.
369
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,120
-Veer.
-Veer. Yeah. Veer.
370
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:24,170
Like, we started here, okay,
371
00:15:24,210 --> 00:15:26,250
but lately, we've kinda gone
like this.
372
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,840
What we need to do
is go back to here.
373
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,930
Okay, because when we're here,
374
00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:35,220
I want to be a part of this,
375
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:37,020
but I'm over here.
376
00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:39,850
So I can't.
377
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:45,270
So what you're saying is...
378
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,860
You hate Jessica.
379
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,860
No, no, no!
380
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,860
No, she's fine. She's fine.
It's just that...
381
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,320
I think maybe it's not
such a good idea
382
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,030
that you spend
so much time with her.
383
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,200
Excuse me!
384
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,410
You're the one who
dragged me down the block
385
00:15:57,450 --> 00:15:58,620
so I could have a friend.
386
00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:00,370
I did want you to have
a friend. I just...
387
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:02,210
didn't think you'd
be this good at it.
388
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:05,460
Well, yeah, it turns out
that I'm lovable.
389
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,050
Who knew?
390
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:08,210
Come on.
All I'm saying is
391
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:10,380
I wanna spend some
more time with you.
392
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:11,510
Okay, when?
393
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:13,390
-Tomorrow.
-Can't do it.
394
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:14,760
Come on!
395
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,470
Honey, I have
to go buy a dress
396
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:18,010
for my work party.
397
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,350
You don't want to come
shopping with me, do you?
398
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,850
Uh, very much so.
Yeah.
399
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,400
Listen, if you and I
don't reconnect,
400
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,980
-I feel a veer coming, which--
-OK, don't do the hand
thing again.
401
00:16:31,530 --> 00:16:33,820
Okay, what do you
think of this one?
402
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,070
The bows are kinda
stupid, right?
403
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,790
Well, I wouldn't call
them stupid, no.
404
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:41,500
Whimsical, yes,
unexpected, yes.
405
00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:43,420
Are you sure you
want to be here?
406
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:44,960
Yes!
407
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,420
Because you could go
down to the food court
408
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:47,340
you know, get a Cinnabon.
409
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:48,840
No, no, no, no.
410
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,510
I mean, later, yes.
411
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:53,220
But together,
as a couple.
412
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:55,840
Right now, I'm here to
help you pick out a dress.
413
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,850
Okay. I'm gonna go try
a few of these on.
414
00:16:58,890 --> 00:16:59,970
Hey, wow me.
415
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,810
Well?
416
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:07,860
Mm-hmm,
that's nice.
417
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:14,990
Nice, too.
418
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,160
Also nice.
419
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:29,920
Oh, yes!
Yep, there it is.
420
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,550
Really? You
like this, really?
421
00:17:31,590 --> 00:17:33,510
I--I love it.
It's orange and blue...
422
00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:34,880
Mets' colors.
423
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:37,590
I'll try another one.
424
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:44,140
[SIGHS]
425
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:52,480
Carrie, Doug.
Ha ha.
426
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:53,400
Jessica?
427
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,490
-Hi.
-Hi.
428
00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:57,570
This is so funny.
JESSICA: I know!
429
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,280
Isn't this funny?
This is so funny!
430
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:01,660
I know. What are you
doing here?
431
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,200
Oh, we're just looking
for dresses
432
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,910
for my office party.
433
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:07,210
These--these dresses
over here...
434
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:10,250
this, this, this,
and this.
435
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,710
JESSICA: Uh-huh.
436
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:14,260
Well, for what it's worth,
I really love that flowered one.
437
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,050
This one, yeah?
438
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:17,380
Yeah, it's fabulous.
Wrap it up.
439
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,010
DOUG: Mmm, not sure
440
00:18:19,050 --> 00:18:20,600
we're agreeing with you
there, Jessica.
441
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:23,930
No? Well, whatever.
442
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,350
Okay, well, they don't
have what I need.
443
00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:27,020
So, gotta go.
See ya.
444
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:30,520
Um, well,
I'm all set, honey.
445
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,440
Next stop...
Cinnabon.
446
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,940
You--you
called her, huh?
447
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,070
Called who, honey?
448
00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:37,450
You called Jessica
from the dressing room.
449
00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:38,610
You know, this was
supposed to be our day,
450
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,200
but you just had to
bring her into it, huh?
451
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,450
Yeah, that's what
I did, Doug.
452
00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:44,080
I called her from the
dressing room, right.
453
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,910
Then fine. Then I'll just press
redial on your phone,
454
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,580
and we'll see what happens.
We'll see who called who.
455
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,040
-Give it to me.
-No, no, no.
456
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,670
-Stop it.
-No.
457
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,210
-Give it to me.
-Whoa!
458
00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:54,630
Redial!
459
00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:00,090
Okay, it says
I have to "roam."
460
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,010
Okay, don't roam.
I called her, all right?
461
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:04,350
Fine. You know what?
Then call her back, you know,
462
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:06,060
and you guys have
a great day together.
463
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,600
Go shopping for dresses,
go to jazz clubs,
464
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,060
date shoe rental guys.
465
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,600
Whatever. I don't care,
you know.
466
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:12,940
And if you need me,
sorry.
467
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:14,520
I'm taking a bus home,
468
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,230
after a brief stop
at Cinnabon.
469
00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:33,460
Oh, my God.
What have you done?
470
00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:41,630
Still working on that.
471
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:44,640
Sorry.
472
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,140
So how many
did you have here?
473
00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:49,640
Ahem. 4.
474
00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:54,270
I would have had 5,
but I dropped one
475
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:55,440
in front of Foot Locker.
476
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,490
So--so be
honest with me.
477
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,780
Okay. What?
478
00:20:01,820 --> 00:20:03,660
You like Jessica better
than me, don't you?
479
00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:04,990
Oy...
480
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,700
Well, you do.
481
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,120
You light up
when she calls.
482
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,210
When she stops by,
483
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:14,000
you run over to her
like a puppy.
484
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,040
You laugh at her stories,
which aren't half as funny
485
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,380
as my scanner story.
486
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,130
You know, I told it
at Cooper's, and by the way,
487
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:21,760
I got a very nice response.
488
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,390
Doug, I don't like her
better than you.
489
00:20:26,430 --> 00:20:28,310
That's ridiculous.
490
00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:30,100
Prove it.
491
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:31,100
Kill her.
492
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:39,780
Look, I--I haven't had
a friend in a while.
493
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:41,650
I admit I went
a little nuts,
494
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,490
but you shouldn't be
threatened by my friends.
495
00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:46,490
I'm not threatened
by your friends.
496
00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:50,450
Well, what about if I get
to keep my friends...
497
00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:54,500
and you
don't get any ever?
498
00:20:58,710 --> 00:21:00,340
All right,
I threw it out there.
499
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:02,800
I love you.
500
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,680
I love you, too.
501
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,430
So which, uh, which
dress did you pick?
502
00:21:06,470 --> 00:21:08,220
Did you pick mine
or Jessica's, huh?
503
00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:10,810
Neither. I got...
504
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,390
this one.
505
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,690
Oh, very nice.
506
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:19,230
Celtics.
507
00:21:34,290 --> 00:21:35,460
Douglas?
508
00:21:36,620 --> 00:21:37,920
-Douglas?
-What?
509
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,050
Arthur, what's--
510
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,090
What's the matter?
511
00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,090
Nothing. I just
wanted to tell you
512
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:44,840
I looked it up
in the dictionary,
513
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,760
and you were right.
514
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,050
That scanner story
was ironic.
515
00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:54,480
I thought ironic meant
"Made entirely of iron."
516
00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:01,690
Good night, Arthur.
517
00:22:01,730 --> 00:22:02,820
Sleep tight.
518
00:22:06,990 --> 00:22:10,830
[**]
35130
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