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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,040
[**]
2
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,390
[GRUNTS]
3
00:00:33,070 --> 00:00:34,240
What are you doin'?
4
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,360
I'm sittin'
over here today.
5
00:00:36,410 --> 00:00:37,740
Why?
6
00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,030
I don't know.
I never sit here.
7
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,950
It's a new perspective.
8
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,580
Whatever.
[CLEARS THROAT]
9
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,560
OK, enough. Could you
just come sit over here?
10
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,980
I want to stay here.
I like it.
11
00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:09,060
* Do-do-do-do-do-do-dai *
12
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:12,780
I got a new seat.
* Da-da-ba-da-ba-da *
13
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,240
OK, fine.
14
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,410
[CLEARS THROAT]
15
00:01:22,990 --> 00:01:25,370
Ah, this is nice.
16
00:01:27,460 --> 00:01:30,250
You can be so petty
sometimes.
17
00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:36,300
[**]
18
00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:51,820
Oh, my God,
could it be any hotter?
19
00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:54,860
Brutal. Come here, this
helps a little, come here.
20
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,200
[SIGHS]
21
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,530
So, how was your day?
22
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,330
It was good.
How was yours?
23
00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:06,370
It was good.
24
00:02:06,410 --> 00:02:08,870
Ooh, "zesty parmesan."
When did you get that?
25
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,080
Last time
I went shopping.
26
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:12,710
I also got those
vegetable potstickers.
27
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:14,050
Do you like those?
28
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:15,590
Mmm, not so much.
29
00:02:15,630 --> 00:02:17,220
Oh.
30
00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:19,840
OK, I think I'm getting
freezer burn.
31
00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:24,720
Honey, tell me,
32
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:28,230
do I have the word
"pushover" on my forehead?
33
00:02:28,270 --> 00:02:32,360
No. But you do have
some kind of sauce.
34
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,270
You're not gonna
believe this.
35
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,440
This afternoon, I was
at that cute little spot
36
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,400
where I like to throw
bread crumbs to the birds.
37
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,360
-Petland?
-Right.
38
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:43,910
So, right next door
at the thrift shop,
39
00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,740
I saw this
beautiful armoire,
40
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,330
which would be perfect
for my room, so I bought it.
41
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:50,170
Oh, good. Maybe now you
can unroll your suits
42
00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:52,250
-and hang 'em up.
-Not so fast.
43
00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:54,420
This is where the story
takes an ugly turn.
44
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,340
After we agreed
on the price,
45
00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:58,510
he drops a delivery
charge on me.
46
00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:01,430
15 bananas!
That's a lot of clams.
47
00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:04,010
Dad, that's nothing.
Just pay it.
48
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,720
Oh, I'm not
gonna do that.
49
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,640
The deal was made and
he reneged! I mean, what am I?
50
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,310
A sap, a sucker,
a butter-and-egg man?
51
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,270
Douglas, what are
the chances I could borrow
52
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,820
your delivery truck
tomorrow, huh?
53
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:21,200
Mmm, I'm thinking somewhere
in the zero range.
54
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:22,780
Uh-huh.
Wednesday, then?
55
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:24,620
Arthur, let me explain
something to you.
56
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:26,030
The truck doesn't
belong to me,
57
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,950
it belongs to the
International Parcel Service.
58
00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,790
That's why you couldn't borrow
it for your paper route,
59
00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:31,620
and that's why you
can't borrow it for this.
60
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:34,210
Dad, look,
here's $15.
61
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,750
Just have them
deliver it. Please.
62
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,170
Oh, that would be easy,
wouldn't it?
63
00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,970
Yes. Easy.
Easy is good.
64
00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:44,510
Sorry, sweetheart,
but if I took your money,
65
00:03:44,550 --> 00:03:47,850
I would never be able to
face the man in the mirror.
66
00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,270
The scary thing is,
67
00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:55,190
he's not talking
about himself.
68
00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:59,320
-["RESPECT" BY ARETHA
FRANKLIN PLAYING ON RADIO]
-DOUG:* R-E-S-P-E-C-T *
69
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,030
* Find out whatwe're gonna be *
70
00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:05,280
* R-E-S-B-B-B-B,everybody's in my tree *
71
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,990
-[SONG CONTINUES]
-[MUMBLING, INDISTINCT]
72
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:21,010
[CAR HORN HONKING]
73
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:24,090
[CARS HONKING]
74
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,430
Give us a break, will you?
75
00:04:25,470 --> 00:04:28,560
We only got one
good hip between us!
76
00:04:30,390 --> 00:04:31,600
Lift with your legs.
77
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,690
Oh, don't tell me
how to lift.
78
00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:35,810
[CARS CONTINUE HONKING]
79
00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:51,160
Well, it seems as though
fate took a hand, huh?
80
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,370
Yeah.
81
00:04:52,410 --> 00:04:54,210
It would've been simpler
if you agreed
82
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:55,830
to move my armoire
in the first place,
83
00:04:55,870 --> 00:04:58,710
but it's a good lesson
for next time.
84
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,460
Cookie?
85
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,710
Don't mind if I do.
86
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,050
Mickey, I told you to
stop opening packages.
87
00:05:04,090 --> 00:05:07,390
Oh, did ya?
This hearing aid is crap.
88
00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:11,220
I heard "stop
making sausages."
89
00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:12,890
And why would
I say that?
90
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:16,900
O'BOYLE [ON RADIO]:Heffernan!What the hell is going on?
91
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:18,730
I'm getting callsleft and right
92
00:05:18,770 --> 00:05:20,900
from customerswaiting for drop-offs.
93
00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:22,900
What's that?
That Howard Stern fella?
94
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:24,780
Yeah, it's Howard Stern.
He's talking directly to me.
95
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:26,650
I'm sorry,
Supervisor O'Boyle,
96
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,120
see, I got caught up in
a little unexpected delay.
97
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,240
O'BOYLE:
Delay?
98
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,580
Yeah, the thing
is I--I--
99
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:33,450
I--I--I--I don't givea flying crap.
100
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,500
Just unplug your headfrom your butt andget the route done.
101
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,920
Absolutely, sir.
I'm gonna be-- Arthur!
102
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,630
How dare you talk
to that man like that.
103
00:05:40,670 --> 00:05:42,420
-Arthur.
-Who is this?
104
00:05:42,460 --> 00:05:45,340
This is your worst
nightmare, friend.
105
00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:47,380
I was in the U.S. Army,
33rd Brigade,
106
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,550
and I'm telling you
to step off.
107
00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:52,350
Yeah? Well, I wasin the 42nd Brigade.
108
00:05:52,390 --> 00:05:55,680
42nd, huh?
Pretty tough bunch.
109
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,310
You're on your own here.
110
00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:59,440
Oh, what a wuss.
111
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,520
Shut up, old man.
112
00:06:08,070 --> 00:06:10,370
Oh, you are home.
What are you doing
in here?
113
00:06:10,410 --> 00:06:12,160
I--I can't go
in that house.
114
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,660
If I--if I'm in the same
building with him, I'll--
I'll do something,
115
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:17,120
something unholy involving
him and that armoire.
116
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,210
Doug, just relax.
What happened with
your boss today?
117
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:22,170
He reamed me out in front
of the entire office!
118
00:06:22,210 --> 00:06:25,170
And then he assigned me
to package-sorting duty
for a week.
119
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:27,510
Package sorting. He might as
well have thrown a wig on me
120
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,010
and called me Sally.
121
00:06:29,050 --> 00:06:30,800
All right, Doug, listen,
I will go downstairs,
122
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,600
and I will talk to my dad.
I'll just tell him he's gotta--
123
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,020
Gotta what? What? What?
Stop being a lunatic?
124
00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,730
I will start there, yes.
125
00:06:36,770 --> 00:06:39,810
Listen, honey, I'm gonna
ask you a question here,
126
00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:41,940
and I don't want you to
take this the wrong way.
127
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,860
Does anyone else
know he's here?
128
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,690
Stop. Come on, it just
seems worse than it is
129
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,950
because it's, like,
100 degrees in here
130
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,620
and you've been breathing in
a lot of paint thinner.
131
00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:57,160
Now, let's just
go inside and take
a nice cool shower.
132
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,660
Mmm, keep talkin'.
133
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:02,080
I'll let you
videotape it.
134
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:05,550
Oh, sorry, darling,
I didn't realize you were--
you were home.
135
00:07:05,590 --> 00:07:06,880
Hi, Daddy.
136
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,420
Heard you and Doug had
a little adventure today.
137
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,800
Indeed we did. And
on that note, Douglas,
138
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,060
there's something
that needs to be said.
139
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,430
I'm listening.
140
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,770
You put a nasty little
nick in my armoire.
141
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:23,770
That's what needs
to be said?
142
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,860
OK, you know what? Why don't
you come inside, Dad?
143
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,860
I'll make you a nice
baked apple. Come on.
144
00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:30,280
I realize you
were distracted
145
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,360
by your boss' hurtful
comments about your weight,
146
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,780
but you might be a little bit
more careful in the future.
147
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:39,370
Your customers may not
be as forgiving as I am.
148
00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:41,790
Baked apple,
right this way.
149
00:07:41,830 --> 00:07:43,830
Arthur, do--do you
understand at all
150
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,500
that you almost
got me canned?
151
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:46,800
You know,
it's bad enough
152
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,420
that you trounce
all over my home,
153
00:07:48,460 --> 00:07:49,960
do you have to trounce
on my job, too?
154
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:51,880
That's too much
trouncing!
155
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:54,720
Oh, you think this living
arrangement is easy for me?
156
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,010
You think I like walking
around here on eggshells?
157
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,430
Eggshells? Is that what
we've been getting here
for the past few--
158
00:07:59,470 --> 00:08:04,100
Eggsh-- You on eggshells?
Well, thank you
for holding back!
159
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,900
All right, enough.
The both of you.
160
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:08,610
Now, let's all
just go inside,
161
00:08:08,650 --> 00:08:10,570
I will make you
a baked apple,
162
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:11,860
I will take a shower--
163
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,990
Reverse that.
Let's just all go inside.
164
00:08:15,030 --> 00:08:18,160
Douglas, obviously my living
here is very unpleasant for you.
165
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,120
Perhaps I should make
some other arrangements.
166
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,910
-Dad, stop it.
-No, no, no, no.
I'm interested. Go on.
167
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,580
Where would you go? Where would
you go? Come on, come on.
168
00:08:24,620 --> 00:08:26,750
-Where would you go?
-I have options.
169
00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,130
Options? Oh, so
there are several
170
00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:30,380
mental institutions
wooing you?
171
00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:33,930
So, I'm just a crazy old man
who can't hack it on my own,
172
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:35,930
is that what you think?
173
00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:37,220
Yes.
174
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:39,760
That's not stopping.
175
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,770
Well, let me tell you
something, Douglas.
176
00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:44,390
I've been on my own
since I was 17.
177
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,850
I could take care
of myself then,
178
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,650
and I can take care
of myself now!
179
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,280
Where'd that door go?
180
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,240
It's over here, Dad.
181
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,950
Fine. I'm gonna
get my things.
182
00:08:55,990 --> 00:08:57,620
I'll be staying
at Mickey's
183
00:08:57,660 --> 00:09:00,410
until I can find a more
permanent situation!
184
00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:04,500
Oh, my God!
God!
185
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:07,330
Doug, was that
really necessary?
186
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,840
What are you
talkin' about?
187
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,300
Why did you have
to provoke him?
188
00:09:10,340 --> 00:09:12,460
Oh, yeah, I'm--
I'm the bad guy here, huh?
189
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:13,970
He gets to do
whatever he wants.
190
00:09:14,010 --> 00:09:15,300
I say one little comment
191
00:09:15,340 --> 00:09:16,970
about how he should be
in a mental institution,
192
00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:19,930
and I'm
the big provoker.
193
00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:22,970
Yes. Doug, come on,
you know him, you know
the way he is.
194
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:26,020
He's like a 75-year-old
2-year-old.
195
00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:28,310
You can't let him
pull you in.
196
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,110
You just gotta
nod and smile
197
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:31,860
and hang his drawings up
on the refrigerator.
198
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:34,940
Have you seen his
drawings, by the way?
Scary stuff.
199
00:09:34,990 --> 00:09:37,320
Come on, sweetie, could
you just go downstairs
200
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,320
and say you're sorry?
201
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:39,820
-No.
-Doug.
202
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,450
Carrie, no, I'm tired
of it, all right?
203
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:44,160
That basement was my T.V.
room, my fort, you know?
204
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,080
And I gave it up to him 'cause
he didn't have a place to live.
205
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,540
And if he can't
appreciate that,
206
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:49,170
well, you know what?
Let him move out.
207
00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:52,000
Doug, what do you
want me to say?
208
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,840
That he's crazy?
That he makes you crazy?
209
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,180
That he's a strain
on our marriage?
210
00:09:57,220 --> 00:09:58,840
I admit all of that.
211
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,890
Now go beg him to stay.
212
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,140
All right, that's it.
213
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,640
I've taken only
what I came here with,
214
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,730
and some hand towels.
215
00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:13,110
Uh, Arthur?
216
00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:14,400
Yes?
217
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:15,860
Look...
218
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:19,320
I'm sorry.
219
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,780
I like having you here,
220
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,160
and we want you to stay.
221
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:27,370
[SMACKS LIPS] Oh, I see
Dr. Jekyll has returned.
222
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:31,380
Frankly, Douglas,
your mood swings
are frightening.
223
00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:33,000
[EXCLAIMS VIOLENTLY]
224
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,460
Case in point.
Good-bye.
225
00:10:37,050 --> 00:10:39,180
I'll send
for my armoire!
226
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:49,940
Ahh.
227
00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:51,270
That's nice.
228
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:52,360
Sweet.
229
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,360
Comin' back
to Papa.
230
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:59,450
Oh, yeah,
feels good.
231
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:02,070
Sassy.
232
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,620
Bring it, baby.
233
00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:07,250
Uh, guys, why is the fan
stopping short of me?
234
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:10,370
'Cause we angled
it that way.
235
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,080
That's--that's
not fair.
236
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,500
Hey, there's only enough
oscillation for three guys.
237
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,000
Just have
another popsicle.
238
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,210
I've had six.
239
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,880
You know, y'all keep
treating me this way,
240
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,800
I could very well
leave the group.
241
00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:27,560
I'm not kidding. There
are some guys at work
242
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,270
that have shown some
serious interest in me.
243
00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:34,480
I'm gonna let
that sink in...
244
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,360
while I get
another popsicle.
245
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:38,900
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
246
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:39,940
[SIGHS]
247
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,400
Ahem.
248
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,740
Hello?
249
00:11:42,780 --> 00:11:44,700
Oh, hi, Arthur.
250
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:46,580
No, Carrie's not here.
251
00:11:46,620 --> 00:11:48,910
It's just me
and the guys.
252
00:11:50,370 --> 00:11:51,790
Fine. Hold on.
253
00:11:51,830 --> 00:11:53,500
He says he wants
to talk to anyone
254
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:57,300
whose name doesn't
rhyme with "uglas."
255
00:11:57,340 --> 00:12:00,090
I'll take it.
256
00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:02,380
Hello?
257
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,590
Hang on.
258
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,510
He wants me to ask you
how you're doing.
259
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:08,680
I'm fine.
260
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,180
He's fine.
261
00:12:11,140 --> 00:12:14,190
He says, "I don't care.
Ha, ha, ha."
262
00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:17,440
Is that it?
263
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:18,820
Oh, yeah?
264
00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:20,690
Oh, good for you.
265
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,240
Yeah, sure.
266
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,610
All right,
take it easy.
267
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,820
What?
268
00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:27,330
He moved into his own
apartment yesterday.
269
00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:28,790
-Are you kidding me?
-No.
270
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:30,580
He' s having a
housewarming party tomorrow
271
00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:33,210
and Carrie's invited,
plus a guest.
272
00:12:34,870 --> 00:12:37,710
I c-can't believe it.
He's actually doing this.
273
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:40,210
We figured he'd be back
here in a couple days,
274
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,260
but he actually moved out.
275
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:42,420
He's really gone!
276
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,720
I owe you one, big guy!
277
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,800
All right, careful.
Careful...
278
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,470
My finger's
getting crushed.
279
00:12:49,510 --> 00:12:50,930
Hey. It's just
a finger, OK?
280
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,020
This is an entire
entertainment system,
281
00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:54,520
so suck it up.
282
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,060
Can we get some
room over here?
283
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,810
You're not even
holding any of it.
284
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,190
I'm guiding it.
285
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:01,150
Hey. You ladies wanna
settle that, huh?
286
00:13:01,190 --> 00:13:02,570
Spence's nose is
starting to bleed.
287
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:04,070
Thank you.
288
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,410
Doug?
289
00:13:06,450 --> 00:13:07,620
-Hi, honey.
-Hi, Carr'.
290
00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:10,660
-My finger.
-What's going on?
291
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:12,620
Why are you moving
the T.V. back downstairs?
292
00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,960
Oh, get ready for
some great news.
293
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,670
Your dad found
his own apartment.
294
00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:17,880
What?
295
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,380
Yeah, he called
about a half hour ago.
296
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:21,630
Boy, the old fella sure
showed us a thing or two, huh?
297
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,470
OK, next two steps,
let's go.
298
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,050
-Wait a minute.
-What?
299
00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:27,180
I don't know what stupid
thing my father's up to,
300
00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:29,100
but he can't live
on his own!
301
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:31,260
-You said that yourself!
-Yeah, but I was wrong.
302
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,810
Give the guy some credit.
303
00:13:32,850 --> 00:13:34,730
OK, this is
wreaking havoc
304
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:37,310
with my one descended
testicle here.
305
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:42,190
God, he's probably
sitting in a tiny room
306
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,940
all by himself,
with roaches,
307
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,610
cooking on
a hot plate,
308
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:48,530
listening to his
crappy little radio...
309
00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:50,240
Hey, it's a nice radio, hon'.
310
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:53,410
How could I even
let him leave?
311
00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:54,700
I'm his daughter.
312
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,790
I'm supposed to be
taking care of him.
313
00:13:56,830 --> 00:13:59,380
C-come on, honey,
he's gonna be fine.
314
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,040
I love you.
315
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:04,550
What are we doing here?
Up or down?
316
00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:06,090
I don't know.
317
00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:08,300
Deak, go see what
she's doing in the kitchen, huh?
318
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:11,260
[SPENCE GROANS]
Oh, sorry.
319
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,770
How you doin'?
320
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,440
-She's sittin' at the table.
-Yeah, and...?
321
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,820
Crying. But not hard.
322
00:14:24,650 --> 00:14:25,650
Back up.
323
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:26,740
[ALL GROANING]
324
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:28,320
OK, come on!
325
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,660
DOUG: Honey,
it's a housewarming.
326
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,160
I still say we should've
brought something.
327
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,910
If not a plant,
at least a pie.
328
00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:38,460
Doug, we are not going
for a housewarming.
329
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:41,080
We are going there to
tell him, without fighting,
330
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,630
that he can't
live like this
331
00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:44,300
and he has to come home.
332
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:45,800
Fine.
333
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,880
I can't see
how a pie would hurt.
334
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:52,300
Welcome!
335
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:55,640
Hey, Arthur.
336
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,690
So, darling,
what do you think?
337
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:02,610
-[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Dad, I--I want you
to come home.
338
00:15:02,650 --> 00:15:06,110
You can't live
like this.
339
00:15:06,150 --> 00:15:09,110
Honey, come on,
there's an omelet bar.
340
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,580
I gotta tell you,
341
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:15,490
the man throws
a great party.
342
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,830
I had no idea he could
play the piano like that.
343
00:15:20,790 --> 00:15:22,330
Mm-hmm.
344
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,920
Come on, honey, cheer up. This
is a great situation for him.
345
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,300
He was living
in a basement,
346
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:28,840
now he's got a
deluxe apartment in the...
347
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,630
* Sky *
348
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,510
I don't understand why
you're not happy for him.
349
00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:38,220
I am. I just--
I feel guilty.
350
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:39,730
About what?
351
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:41,440
Well, he was
with us for a year,
352
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,650
and I had a real chance to get
closer to him and I didn't.
353
00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:47,070
-I just blew him off.
-No.
354
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:49,360
Doug, there are some days
355
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,280
that all I said to him
was, "Good morning."
356
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:53,780
And not even
a full "Good morning."
357
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,030
It was more like
a "G'morning."
358
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,160
I couldn't even
give him the "ood."
359
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,210
Do you know that there
was one day last week
360
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,880
that I actually
hid from him?
361
00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:08,550
Hey, who hasn't?
362
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,720
Now, come on,
this is good, right?
363
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,840
I mean, we got
our life back.
364
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,100
Oh, I know.
365
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,010
It's good, I guess.
366
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,180
Hey, I know what'll put
a smile on your face.
367
00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:21,600
How about I go splash those
people at that bus stop.
368
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,400
Well, if you're gonna do it,
you're gonna have to speed up.
369
00:16:30,150 --> 00:16:31,990
SPENCE:
All I'm saying is,
370
00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:34,780
in Europe, women's breasts
are no big deal.
371
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:37,160
They lie topless
on the beach all day,
372
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,990
and men
don't even care.
373
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,870
You ever stop to think
that European guys just
pretend not to care
374
00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:44,750
so the women will
take their tops off?
375
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:47,130
Yeah. This way
they get to sip coffee
376
00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:50,260
and stare at boobies
all day long.
377
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,840
Boobies?
378
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,220
That's interesting. You think
that would work on women here?
379
00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:55,970
Nah, it would take
too many years to fool women
380
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:57,930
into thinking
that we don't care.
381
00:16:57,970 --> 00:17:01,060
Although, it would be
something nice to do
for future generations.
382
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:05,440
Yeah. I'd like
my son to grow up
in that kind of world.
383
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:07,980
Well, I'm out of here.
384
00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:09,820
I gotta go back
to the firehouse.
385
00:17:09,860 --> 00:17:11,230
Yeah, I gotta roll, too.
386
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,240
Oh, uh, one of you
give me a ride?
387
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,160
Yeah, sure, you can
hop in the trunk.
388
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:17,820
Remember Friday night,
389
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,450
uh, Mets-Braves,
right here, OK?
390
00:17:19,490 --> 00:17:21,870
Oh, hey, and we're breaking
in the George Foreman
healthy grill,
391
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,000
so bring your chopped meat.
392
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:35,880
Douglas?
393
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,930
Hey, Arthur.
What brings you by?
394
00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:39,220
Uh, in my haste to pack,
395
00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:41,970
I inadvertently took
a 3-pronged adapter.
396
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,640
I believe this is yours.
397
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,230
We were worried.
Thank you.
398
00:17:45,270 --> 00:17:46,810
Hey, can I get you
a beer?
399
00:17:46,850 --> 00:17:50,020
Sure. That's what
the air bags are for.
400
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:55,740
By the way, I'm glad
you could make it over
401
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:57,450
to my soiree
the other night.
402
00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:59,490
Well, thanks for the invite.
I had a great time.
403
00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:02,080
Ah, you really knocked 'em
dead with the charades.
404
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,450
Of course,
you, uh, lucked out
405
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:06,290
with the
"Jake and the Fatman."
406
00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:08,250
Yeah, I really
caught a break, huh?
407
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:09,960
Yeah.
408
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,750
[BOTH GROAN]
409
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,590
Yeah.
410
00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,920
The old room.
411
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:18,010
This really
takes me back. Heh.
412
00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:22,220
So, how are you and Carrie
doing since I left?
413
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:23,930
Great.
We're doing fine.
414
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,770
You sure? 'Cause sometimes
someone moves out,
415
00:18:26,810 --> 00:18:28,140
and everything
gets out of whack.
416
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,520
[CHUCKLES] Trust me,
everything's in whack.
417
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:32,820
Good.
418
00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:36,030
'Cause if my leaving
caused any problems,
419
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:37,570
I'd move right back in.
420
00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:39,490
[BOTH LAUGH]
421
00:18:40,530 --> 00:18:43,540
Hey, you'd have
to kill me first.
422
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,000
Ah, no, seriously,
Arthur,
423
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,830
I'm, you know,
I'm really happy for you.
424
00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:50,130
You found
your own apartment
425
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:52,670
and, uh, I hope
you enjoy it.
426
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:54,630
Speaking of the apartment,
427
00:18:54,670 --> 00:18:58,720
any chance you could lend me
$1,700 a month indefinitely?
428
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,180
What?
429
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:03,510
I may have over-leveraged
myself a bit
430
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,100
in getting that place.
431
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:07,020
What are you saying?
You can't afford it?
432
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:10,560
Mmm, not at
the present time, no.
433
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,360
Although, I have
an idea for something
that could make millions,
434
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,440
if a lot of left-handed
people are willing
435
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,280
to give me a weekend
of their time.
436
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,030
What is wrong with you?
437
00:19:21,070 --> 00:19:22,740
Why did you take a place
that you can't pay for?
438
00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:25,700
I wanted to prove
that you were wrong.
That I could live on my own.
439
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:27,160
But you couldn't.
440
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,080
Only because I didn't
have the money.
441
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:32,420
Well, that's a big part
of the "living
on your own" package.
442
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:35,380
Fair enough.
Now that we agree on that,
443
00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:37,380
let's talk about
my moving back in.
444
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:40,300
When will your truck
be available?
445
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,560
Douglas?
446
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,190
So, you want to move
back in, huh?
447
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:53,610
That would be real convenient
for you, wouldn't it?
You leave for a few days,
448
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,610
you bounce around the
outside world for a while
449
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:58,820
like that bird who's
"cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,"
450
00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:01,360
and then you just
waltz back in.
451
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,160
Well, you know what,
Arthur?
452
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,620
Take my basement back.
453
00:20:04,660 --> 00:20:06,530
It's yours. You know what?
Fine, take it.
454
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:09,250
And while you're at it,
why don't you take
the T.V., too?
455
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:11,750
And--and the
foosball table,
456
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:13,080
and, uh, hey, the couch.
457
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,670
It yours.
It's all yours.
458
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:18,590
Hey, take my mustard-stained
Jets blanket, huh?
459
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:21,380
Oh, and--and my
baseball encyclopedia,
460
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,550
oh, and my X-rated video
with the label,
461
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,260
"Bad News Bears
Go To Japan,"
462
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,470
so Carrie won't
notice it.
463
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,850
Take it all, Arthur!
Hey, what else can
I get for you?
464
00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:33,140
Hey, do you want
the flooring?
465
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,440
'Cause I could rip up
the carpet.
466
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,110
Come on, what else
can I give you?
467
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:37,520
How 'bout my kidneys?
Come on, I have two.
468
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,530
What the hell,
take 'em both, Arthur!
469
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:42,990
God, why should I
have anything, right?
470
00:20:43,030 --> 00:20:44,820
All I do is
go to work every day
471
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,740
and pay my mortgage
on time!
472
00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:48,080
And when it's not
on time,
473
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:51,410
it's certainly within
the grace period!
474
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:55,500
But I guess that means
nothing. Nothing!
475
00:20:55,540 --> 00:20:57,040
And you know what?
That's fine.
476
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,300
I'll just be a guy
going through life
477
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,130
with no basement
478
00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:02,920
and no kidneys!
479
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,300
All right,
shimmy it up, will you?
480
00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:48,930
For God's sake,
lift with your legs!
481
00:21:52,220 --> 00:21:56,100
[**]
35074
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