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1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,750
[**]
2
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:12,760
[POLICE SIREN BLARES]
3
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,590
I don't believe this.
4
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,180
Why'd you pull over?
We coulda lost him.
5
00:00:18,220 --> 00:00:21,350
Dad, keep quiet and
let me handle this, okay?
6
00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:28,360
Hello, ma'am,
you know what you
did back there?
7
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,980
Look, I know you have to
do your little dance,
but here.
8
00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:32,490
Let's just
get this over with.
9
00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:35,360
We all have to share
the road. When you
drive like that--
10
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:39,160
Yeah, yeah. Not
just a risk to myself,
I'm a risk to others.
11
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:45,080
Listen, I work in a law
firm. I know my rights.
Just give me the ticket.
12
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,460
Okay.
13
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:47,630
Thanks.
14
00:00:47,670 --> 00:00:50,210
Excuse me, Officer?
15
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,090
You ever kill a man?
16
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,220
Huh?
Dad!
17
00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:58,260
You know, some lowlife
you got cornered
in an alley?
18
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,890
He's thrown down his gun.
He's beggin' for mercy.
19
00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:04,060
But you empty your clip
right into his chest
anyway.
20
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:05,890
You figure,
who's gonna know, right?
21
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,690
Oh, you make me sick!
22
00:01:07,730 --> 00:01:09,230
Look, sir,
I don't--
23
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,650
The faster you write,
the faster he stops talking.
24
00:01:15,490 --> 00:01:19,570
Guess who bought a token
from yours truly today?
25
00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:21,200
Who?
Guess.
26
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,740
I don't wanna guess.
Guess.
27
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:26,290
I don't wanna
play this game.
Just guess.
28
00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:29,170
Lou Ferrigno.
No.
29
00:01:29,630 --> 00:01:31,090
Sally Struthers.
30
00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:34,010
Ann Landers. Nice lady.
Took the L train.
31
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:36,420
That's a great story. Thanks.
32
00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:38,890
Hey, come on. The game
starts in two minutes.
Let's go.
33
00:01:38,930 --> 00:01:40,100
Why are you
in your uniform?
34
00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:41,600
I thought
you had off today.
35
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,560
I did, but I just came
from P.S. 679.
36
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,640
I was talkin' to some kids
about fire safety.
37
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,190
Until 6:30?
38
00:01:47,230 --> 00:01:49,350
Yeah, well, the teacher
kept me after school,
39
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,440
if you get my drift.
40
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,860
She has no control over you.
You're not a student.
41
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,910
You are like a boy
in a man's body.
42
00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:02,450
Hey.
Hey.
43
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,450
Who are you guys
supposed to be,
the Village People?
44
00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:08,830
Hey, fellas.
45
00:02:08,870 --> 00:02:11,750
Dougie, your wife and I
had a little run-in
with the law.
46
00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:14,090
I'm still all hopped up.
47
00:02:14,130 --> 00:02:16,300
I'm gonna
go do some Tae-Bo.
48
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,880
What happened?
49
00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:21,140
I got a ticket.
50
00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:22,890
Another one?
51
00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:25,310
Doug, I'm really
not in the mood for
a lecture right now!
52
00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:26,640
You got
another ticket?
53
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,430
That's what I said!
54
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,480
Well, how much?
$350.
55
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,480
Let me see the ticket.
Here. Enjoy.
56
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,900
"Wanton disregard
for public safety"?
57
00:02:34,940 --> 00:02:37,900
Honey, I warned you
not to be wanton.
What happened?
58
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,410
Nothing. I...
59
00:02:40,450 --> 00:02:42,410
cut off a school bus
to make a u-turn.
60
00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:44,240
You cut off
a school bus?
61
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:45,790
They were fifth-graders.
62
00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:47,660
It's not like they
were in kindergarten.
63
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,660
They know
how the world works!
64
00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:51,620
That's your fourth
ticket this year!
65
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:53,540
Doug, this one
was not my fault.
66
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,000
Not your fault?
Then whose fault
was it?
67
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,710
Okay, well,
for your information,
68
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,550
the bus had all
these stupid "keep kids
off drugs" stickers
69
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:03,760
on the back window.
It was very distracting.
70
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,640
Oh, right. Like last time
when you were blinded by
that guy's brake lights.
71
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,350
Oh, like you're
the perfect driver.
72
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,270
Yeah. I have
a perfect driving record!
73
00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:13,560
That doesn't
mean anything!
74
00:03:18,570 --> 00:03:19,900
Oh, here's some
delightful news.
75
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:21,490
I just got
off the phone with
our insurance agent,
76
00:03:21,530 --> 00:03:23,200
and if that ticket
goes through,
77
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,740
our rates
are gonna double.
78
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:27,370
Doub-ble...
79
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,750
Times two.
80
00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:34,210
Well, did you tell him
about the stickers
on the bus?
81
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,750
Are you listening to me?
82
00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:38,090
$4,500 a year
for car insurance.
83
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:41,380
We should
be buying a boat
for that kind of money!
84
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:43,890
I should be setting sail
every weekend!
85
00:03:43,930 --> 00:03:46,300
If I buy you a boat,
will you shut up?
86
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:50,100
You know what you are?
It's right here in
our insurance pamphlet.
87
00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:53,270
You are a
"persistent violator."
88
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:58,070
That means you
violate persistently.
89
00:03:58,110 --> 00:03:59,780
Honey, are these yours
or my dad's?
90
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,570
They're your dad's.
And I told you,
91
00:04:01,610 --> 00:04:04,030
don't let his underwear
touch my underwear.
92
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,990
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
93
00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:08,830
Hello?
94
00:04:08,870 --> 00:04:12,160
Yeah. This is Carrie.
95
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,120
Oh. Hi.
96
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:15,500
Uh-huh.
97
00:04:15,540 --> 00:04:18,920
Oh, you know what?
I'm really busy.
98
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,090
I don't think I can.
99
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,010
No. I can't.
100
00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:24,260
Okay, then.
101
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:27,260
Bye-bye.
Who was that?
102
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,270
That was the cop
who pulled me over today.
103
00:04:30,310 --> 00:04:32,890
Claims he's thinkin' about
applyin' to law school,
104
00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:35,440
and since he knows
I work in a law firm,
105
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,480
he wanted to
take me to dinner
to pick my brain.
106
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,440
Really?
Yeah. I mean,
107
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,230
it was so obvious
he was calling for a date.
108
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:44,110
Could you believe that?
He didn't see
your wedding ring?
109
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,860
No. I was wearing gloves.
110
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:50,700
Hey, I got asked out
on a date. Ha-ha.
111
00:04:50,740 --> 00:04:52,160
Ha-ha.
112
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,790
Right. Right.
113
00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:56,330
What's the matter?
114
00:04:56,370 --> 00:04:58,630
I was just thinkin'.
What?
115
00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:02,630
Don't kill me.
Maybe you should have
dinner with this guy.
116
00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:05,800
You want me
to go on a date?
117
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,470
No, not a date! As far
as you're concerned,
118
00:05:07,510 --> 00:05:09,470
it's just a dinner
to discuss law stuff.
119
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,310
But, then,
while you're eating,
120
00:05:11,350 --> 00:05:13,480
you guys talk,
you smile, you laugh.
121
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,810
I mean, the night
is just magic.
122
00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:19,940
Then, next week,
when you go to court
to contest the ticket,
123
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:23,440
he doesn't show up
to testify 'cause
he's sweet on you,
124
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,820
and, bam!
Bye-bye, ticket.
125
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:27,700
It's a perfect plan.
126
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,410
Wait a second.
Is this guy
good-lookin'?
127
00:05:30,450 --> 00:05:34,330
Not really.
It's a perfect plan.
128
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:36,410
So that's what I'm worth?
129
00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:41,340
You're willing
to pimp me out
to save $4,500?
130
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:43,960
No. $4,500 a year!
131
00:05:45,090 --> 00:05:47,340
It takes five years to get
a ticket off our record,
132
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,680
and that's if you
never get another one,
133
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,850
and, let's face it,
honey, you will.
134
00:05:50,890 --> 00:05:53,350
So, actually,
I'm pimping you out
for a minimum of $20,000.
135
00:05:53,390 --> 00:05:55,680
That's minimum.
136
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,600
I don't know.
This is crazy.
137
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,440
What if he calls
after the date and wants
to go out again?
138
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,110
Just put him off
until after court.
139
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:04,440
You let him down easy.
You tell him you
met somebody,
140
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,070
a big fat guy.
141
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:08,860
Can we really do this?
142
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,410
Of course we can.
You're an attractive woman.
143
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:14,120
We knew we'd have
to use that sometime.
144
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:19,790
All right, but he's
not gettin' up my shirt.
145
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:21,250
Hey, hey, hey.
146
00:06:21,290 --> 00:06:23,090
Play it by ear.
147
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,390
So anyway, me and the teacher
are back in the classroom,
148
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:34,720
getting into it,
right on the desk.
149
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:38,100
I look up over the blackboard
and I see the alphabet.
150
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:41,270
You know, A is for "apple",
B is for "balloon"...
151
00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:43,360
You get what I'm saying, right?
152
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,230
Yes, I'm familiar
with the alphabet.
153
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:51,320
Right, so everything's
going fine until I get to M,
which is for "Mommy."
154
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:52,740
Oh, that was that, huh?
155
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,950
I pushed through to walrus.
156
00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:01,420
Okay, see you guys
later.
157
00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:03,670
Don't want to be late
for my date.
158
00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:06,090
Whoa, whoa, honey,
that's what you're wearing?
159
00:07:06,130 --> 00:07:07,840
Yes. Why?
160
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,760
You couldn't wear
something that at least
shows a little...
161
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,680
wrist?
162
00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:15,640
What do you suggest?
163
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,430
OK, we want something
that says, "I'm attractive,"
164
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:19,100
but doesn't look like
she's trying too hard.
165
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:21,440
Well,
what about overalls
and a tank top?
166
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:22,770
That's too casual.
167
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:25,440
Let's keep in mind--
this is a dinner.
168
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,730
I like this.
169
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,990
That is my nightgown.
170
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,820
How about like
a skirt and a top?
171
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,450
OK. What do you see?
What do you like?
172
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,450
Whoo, Moose!
High-heel boots.
173
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,620
We gotta get her
into these.
174
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,790
All right.
Good. Good.
175
00:07:41,830 --> 00:07:45,250
This sweater's nice,
but how do you feel
about navy, huh?
176
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,500
Mmm...
177
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:47,880
I'm not lovin' it.
178
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,840
You got
a Catholic school
uniform in there?
179
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,260
Okay, that's it.
Out! Out!
180
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:53,220
Get out! Get out!
I'll do it myself.
181
00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:55,010
Thank you very much.
Good-bye.
182
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,640
Thank you.
Thank you.
183
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,270
Make sure your bra
and panties match.
184
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,850
Get out!
185
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,980
Where you going, honey?
186
00:08:10,030 --> 00:08:11,610
Huh? Oh, that cop
who gave me the ticket
187
00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:14,490
asked me to have
dinner with him.
Really?
188
00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:16,870
Yeah. Good night,
Daddy.
189
00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:18,950
Oh, my God.
190
00:08:18,990 --> 00:08:21,080
All right.
Now we're
talkin'.
191
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,160
Much better,
huh? Huh?
192
00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:24,210
Very nice.
193
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,170
I would do her.
194
00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:28,840
Huh? Richie
would do ya.
195
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,760
Later on, remind me
to head-butt you.
196
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,930
Can I go now?
Yeah. You don't
wanna be late.
197
00:08:34,970 --> 00:08:38,510
Just remember,
be yourself and, also,
a little charming.
198
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,560
That didn't come out right.
199
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:42,520
Good-bye.
200
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,440
Whoa! Wait!
201
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,020
Ah... your wedding ring.
202
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,980
Right. Well,
I'm not takin' it off.
203
00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:50,860
Carrie,
you can't go on a date
wearing your wedding ring.
204
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:53,070
It's kind of a turnoff.
205
00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:56,240
Well, then, fine.
I'm not goin'.
206
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,620
What?
207
00:08:57,660 --> 00:09:00,410
Doug, look,
I got a ticket.
I endangered lives.
208
00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:02,040
Blah, blah, blah.
209
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,120
So I've been trying
to be a good sport
about this,
210
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,420
but this ring is
the most precious thing
in the world to me,
211
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:08,750
and I'm not
gonna take it off
212
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:10,550
to get out of some
stupid traffic ticket.
213
00:09:10,590 --> 00:09:12,090
I'm tell you something
else, little Dougie.
214
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:14,880
I'm a little aggravated
that you even want me to.
215
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,600
You're right. I'm sorry,
and I love you.
216
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,720
So how'd you
break your finger?
217
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:25,690
Playin' some hoop,
just throwin' down.
218
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:28,270
Oh. Ha-ha.
That's gotta hurt.
219
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:29,650
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
220
00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:31,360
Carrie, thanks a lot
for coming out tonight.
221
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:35,490
Oh, oh. Happy to
talk about law firms,
anytime, anywhere.
222
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:37,530
So I have a confession
to make.
223
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,240
That wasn't the only
reason I called.
224
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:43,200
I, um... I sort of
wanted to see you again.
225
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,580
Well, that's nice.
226
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:47,000
Do you think
they have blintzes here?
227
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,210
I've never actually
asked out a woman
I've pulled over before.
228
00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:52,550
I was really nervous
when I called you. Heh.
229
00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:55,420
You didn't just
say yes to get out
of the ticket, did ya?
230
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:58,340
[BOTH LAUGHING]
231
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:02,140
No. I didn't just say yes
to get out of the ticket.
232
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,560
But, hey,
my insurance rates
are gonna double,
233
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,060
so if you're offerin',
buddy!
234
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,730
Whoo... eh...
235
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,450
So are you involved
with anyone?
236
00:10:18,490 --> 00:10:20,320
You have
a boyfriend?
237
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,080
I'm sorry. What?
238
00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:26,200
Do you have a boyfriend?
239
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,120
Uh...
240
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,330
N-no.
241
00:10:29,370 --> 00:10:31,290
No boyfriend.
242
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:32,960
Great.
243
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:40,340
Hey, Arthur.
244
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,850
What?
245
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,900
Oh, my...
246
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:58,150
Don't give her up
without a fight, son.
247
00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:05,120
Get out!
No, seriously.
248
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,040
I didn't even read
the guy his Miranda rights.
249
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,000
Luckily, he didn't even
know what they were.
250
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,880
Oh, my God.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
251
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:18,670
Well, this--
this is me.
252
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,260
Don't forget your ravioli.
253
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,590
Thanks.
254
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:24,260
Uh, Carrie, you know,
this was great.
255
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,970
You know what I'll do?
256
00:11:26,010 --> 00:11:28,180
Why don't I call you
tomorrow, and maybe
we can do this again?
257
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,770
Uh...
258
00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:32,190
Yeah... n-- Okay.
259
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,150
So...
260
00:11:36,190 --> 00:11:37,780
So...
261
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:41,030
Hey, good date.
262
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:42,240
Good date.
263
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,700
Good night.
264
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:46,870
I had a great time.
265
00:11:46,910 --> 00:11:48,620
Thank you, Jeffrey.
266
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:50,080
Good night.
267
00:11:50,870 --> 00:11:52,370
Hey. Hey.
268
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,380
Drive carefully.
269
00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:54,830
Oh--
270
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,510
I'm back.
271
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:08,680
So, so,
tell me everything.
272
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,270
What did he say?
What did you say back?
273
00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:14,400
We had a good time.
274
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:15,480
Yes!
275
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,560
And here-- leftovers.
276
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,400
Yes!
277
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:22,150
So what
about the ticket?
278
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,610
Did he mention it
at all?
279
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,910
Yeah. I was trying to
feel him out,
280
00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:28,410
but he just laughed.
He laughed?
281
00:12:28,450 --> 00:12:30,580
Was it like
a I'm-not-gonna-
show-up-in-court laugh,
282
00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:33,870
or more of a nice-try-
but-you're-not-getting-
off laugh?
283
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,750
I don't know.
I was too busy with
284
00:12:35,790 --> 00:12:39,550
my gee-I-hope-this-guy-
doesn't-try-to-sleep-
with-me chuckle.
285
00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:43,840
I'm just trying to
get a gauge of where
he's at. That's all.
286
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,890
So, uh,
what did he think
of your outfit?
287
00:12:46,930 --> 00:12:48,010
I don't know.
288
00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:49,810
Come on. It's important.
289
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,390
He said
I looked beautiful, okay?
290
00:12:51,430 --> 00:12:53,310
Yeah! Up top!
291
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:58,400
Need to be careful
with my broken finger.
292
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,440
Got to admit, that was
a great idea I had, huh?
293
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,860
It was Richie's idea.
294
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:06,320
No. Richie suggested
we break your finger.
295
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,660
That was my jumping-off
point.
296
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:12,790
So, sounds like things
are going pretty good,
huh?
297
00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:14,210
Yeah. Really good, Doug.
298
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:18,790
I tricked a sweet,
unsuspecting guy
into liking me.
299
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,300
You know what?
When he calls tomorrow,
300
00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:22,170
I'm just gonna
tell him the truth.
301
00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:23,670
What? No.
302
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,720
Doug, he's
a really nice guy.
303
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,300
He's not a nice guy.
He's a copper, the fuzz.
304
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,430
He'd throw you in jail
as soon as look at ya.
305
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,310
Stop it.
306
00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:36,310
Carrie, come on, please,
you're killing me here.
307
00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:37,310
We're so close.
308
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,060
The court date
is next week.
309
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,690
Just avoid his calls
until then.
310
00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:44,240
I don't know.
$4,500 a year, and it
wasn't even your fault.
311
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,860
That school bus with all
the distracting stickers--
312
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:50,490
I mean, I'm against drugs,
but at what cost, really?
313
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:53,500
All right,
I'll string him along.
314
00:13:53,540 --> 00:13:55,660
Attagirl!
315
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:59,330
I just hate playing
with this guy's feelings
like this.
316
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,130
I hear ya.
317
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,880
Here I am eatin' ravioli
he paid for.
318
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,550
You think that's easy for me?
319
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,350
Hey, Dad.
320
00:14:16,390 --> 00:14:18,020
Hi, sweetheart.
321
00:14:18,060 --> 00:14:19,440
[MACHINE BEEPS]
322
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,560
MALE AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have no new messages.
323
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,200
Anybody call?
324
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,200
No.
325
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:29,530
Why, you expecting a call
326
00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:31,530
from someone in particular?
327
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,660
Hmm? Oh, yeah.
328
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,870
The cop said he'd call me.
329
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:37,370
Carrie, sit down,
we need to talk.
330
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:40,420
Okay.
331
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:41,580
What's up?
332
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:45,420
Honey, I know Doug
has his shortcomings.
333
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:46,880
I've assumed for a while
334
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,720
that he wasn't satisfying
335
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,390
all your needs.
336
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,100
What?
337
00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:55,770
Look, I never talked to you
very much about sex
338
00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:57,060
and that's my fault.
339
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,890
That's gonna change,
I promise.
340
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,650
Carrie, Doug is a good man.
341
00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:03,150
He is!
342
00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:05,360
Oh, you think
the cop and I are...?
343
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,320
No, Dad, that's not for real.
344
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,740
I just went to dinner with him
to get out of that ticket.
345
00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:13,070
You don't have to shield me
from this, I'm a big boy.
346
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,580
I'm telling the truth.
347
00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:15,740
You're shutting me out!
348
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,620
For God sakes,
take a look at yourself!
349
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:19,160
You're pale, you're gaunt,
350
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,920
you sleep the whole day!
351
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,130
You're hurting yourself!
352
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:27,090
Wait. That's my drug speech.
353
00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:29,050
Give me 10 minutes.
354
00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:43,230
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
355
00:15:43,730 --> 00:15:45,690
Hello?!
356
00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:48,860
No. There's no Brenda here.
357
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,530
Yeah. That's okay. Bye.
358
00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:54,030
Hey, hon.
359
00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:55,330
Hey, Carrie.
360
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:56,700
Hi.
361
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,500
She okay?
362
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:05,250
No, Richie, I am not okay
because all men are pigs.
363
00:16:07,170 --> 00:16:09,670
You mind if I
make a sandwich?
364
00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:11,420
Fine.
365
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,680
So he still hasn't called?
366
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,390
No, and it's
been 3 days.
367
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:17,560
Yikes. I hope
he's just been busy.
368
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,430
Why did he say
he was gonna call
if he's not gonna call?
369
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,060
I mean, what
is it with you guys?
370
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:23,310
You didn't have a good
time, that's fine.
371
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,400
Just don't say
you're gonna call.
372
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,110
I hate that!
373
00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:32,700
I shoulda let him
order the wine.
374
00:16:32,740 --> 00:16:35,120
What do you care?
It was a fake date.
375
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,410
He didn't know that.
376
00:16:37,450 --> 00:16:41,200
I just keep going
over it again and again
in my head.
377
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,370
I mean, we
had a really good time.
378
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:47,130
I was funny.
I was on, ya know?
379
00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:48,960
I even told him
my Uncle Frank story.
380
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,760
You told him
the Uncle Frank story?
381
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,970
No wonder
he's not calling.
382
00:16:53,010 --> 00:16:55,300
What? It's a funny story!
383
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:58,180
He burns his lips
on the pizza tray,
that's not funny?
384
00:16:58,220 --> 00:17:01,310
Yeah. An old man
with burnt lips.
Very funny.
385
00:17:01,350 --> 00:17:03,480
Well, you laughed
when I told it to you.
386
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,440
Yeah, it
was our fifth date.
387
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,270
I was trying to,
you know,
get a go at ya.
388
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,110
So why isn't he?
389
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:13,610
You should've
worn the nightgown.
390
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:14,860
Oh, shut up!
391
00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:21,450
I guess I'm just boring
and ugly and destined
to end up alone.
392
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,670
You know, with you.
393
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,670
All right, where
does that leave us?
394
00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:30,960
He dropped 50 bucks,
395
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,260
and he had to
suffer through
your stories.
396
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,130
He's gonna show up
in court tomorrow
397
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,930
and probably not
in a good mood.
398
00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:38,600
Doug.
What?
399
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,350
I'm feeling rejected
and insecure,
400
00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:42,640
and you don't even care.
No, no. I do. I do.
401
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,640
I do. Come here.
You're great and...
402
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,940
it's his loss.
403
00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,270
Moose, I don't know
what you're worried about.
404
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:50,820
If this cop ain't into her,
405
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:53,150
there ain't no way that
he's gonna show up for court.
406
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:54,820
What do you mean?
407
00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,660
I mean that if you go out
on a date with a girl
408
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,530
and you blow her off
after one date,
409
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,830
you definitely don't
want to run into her.
It's awkward.
410
00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:06,080
You're right. You're right.
He's right. You're right.
411
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,370
He's never gonna
show up in court.
412
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,670
He doesn't like you.
He's blowin' you off!
413
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,460
Yeah! Up, buddy!
414
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,340
CARRIE: Can we just go?
415
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,470
We're gonna be late.
416
00:18:18,510 --> 00:18:21,470
Let's just review
one more time.
417
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:26,270
I was behind
the school bus driving
10 to 12 miles an hour,
418
00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:32,440
reading and agreeing with
an anti-drug message
on the back windows...
419
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,610
when, suddenly,
the sunlight reflected
off the stickers
420
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:38,490
and momentarily blinded me.
421
00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:41,160
Fearing the bus
may stop suddenly,
422
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,370
I thought it best to swerve.
423
00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:44,080
No, no, not swerve.
424
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,700
Navigate.
425
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:51,630
...to navigate around it
so as to not cause injury
426
00:18:51,670 --> 00:18:54,460
to the precious cargo
onboard: the children.
427
00:18:54,500 --> 00:19:00,840
Yeah. Just don't forget
to take that pause before
you say, "the children."
428
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,220
Let's go.
429
00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:04,970
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
430
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,730
Hello.
431
00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:09,770
Uh, who's calling?
432
00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:11,600
It's him!
433
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:14,400
Who's this?
434
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,190
Uh, this is Carrie's
brother, Doug.
435
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,400
Hey, Doug, is she there?
436
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,780
Sure she is, just a second.
437
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:27,330
Oh. Tell him, uh... I'll call
him back when I get a chance.
438
00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:28,500
Come on, Carrie!
439
00:19:28,540 --> 00:19:30,000
There's a lot of
money involved here.
440
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,000
Try to get a feel whether
he's coming to court or not.
441
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,750
Still trying to find her.
442
00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:37,130
Hey, uh, Doug,
just tell her, please,
443
00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:38,590
that I'm sorry
that I haven't called.
444
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:40,880
I had to go undercover
on a drug stakeout.
445
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,300
Oh, oh. Okay.
446
00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:44,640
He hasn't called 'cause
he's been on a stakeout.
447
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:49,020
And I suppose there are
no phones on this stakeout?
448
00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,980
No. They're not allowed
to make personal calls.
449
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:54,060
I saw it on a... show.
450
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,940
Come on. Take it.
451
00:19:56,980 --> 00:19:59,030
[IMITATES SNORING]
452
00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:00,780
Hello.
453
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:02,570
Hey, you!
454
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:05,330
Uh, I was just tellin',
uh, your brother there
455
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,620
that the reason
I haven't called
456
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:08,790
is because
I was on a stakeout.
457
00:20:08,830 --> 00:20:10,790
A stakeout, huh?
458
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:12,460
How was that?
459
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:16,090
Not so good, actually.
I almost got shot.
460
00:20:16,130 --> 00:20:18,050
Mm-hmm.
461
00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:19,670
Come on.
Give him something.
462
00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:20,880
Come on.
463
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,430
[GRUDGINGLY]
I'm glad you
didn't get shot.
464
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,680
Thanks. I was, um...
465
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,720
Carrie, I waswondering if, uh...
466
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,140
maybe you'd want togo out again sometime.
467
00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:33,650
He wants to
go out again.
468
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,230
Set a date
for this weekend,
469
00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:36,900
then, after court,
you'll cancel.
470
00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:38,400
Uh... ahem.
471
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,240
I think I could
do something on, uh...
472
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,900
[SOUNDS OF DIALING]
ARTHUR:Hello?
473
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,240
Hello?!
474
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,700
Dad? Dad,
what are you doin'?
475
00:20:45,740 --> 00:20:50,330
I hit the auto-dial button.
I can't stop it.
476
00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:54,170
Okay. Hang up.
I'm on an important call.
477
00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:56,040
Is it that guy?
478
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,210
That home wrecker?
479
00:20:58,250 --> 00:21:02,130
Leave her alone, bub!
She's married!
480
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,340
You're married?
481
00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:07,850
[CLICKS TONGUE]
482
00:21:07,890 --> 00:21:09,890
Yeah.
483
00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:12,020
But no boyfriend.
484
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:20,030
Wow, he really made
a point of showing up,
didn't he?
485
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,700
I think he got
his uniform pressed.
486
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:26,360
That speech he gave
on the witness stand.
487
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,280
It was so passionate.
488
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,540
I mean, I was against
you by the end of it.
489
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:34,370
But you know what?
I mean, it's just money.
490
00:21:34,410 --> 00:21:38,840
The important thing is
that we get to sleep in
each other's arms every night,
491
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:43,800
and, in a certain way,
that makes us the richest
people on earth.
492
00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:46,630
You suck at driving.
493
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,450
Go. Go.
494
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:08,110
Love each other.
495
00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:16,040
[**]
35259
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