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1
00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,571
Greetings, TV audience.
I am --
2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,306
I-I'll take it from here.
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,374
Hi, there.
4
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:07,875
I'm Dr. William DiMeo,
5
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,478
San Diego's premier
cosmetic dentist.
6
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:11,845
Dad, Uncle Billy's
commercial's on.
7
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,048
Set chair to "brother."
8
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:16,650
I treat every smile
that walks through that door
9
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:17,885
like it's my own.
10
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:18,919
Scaler?
11
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,988
Here, Doctor.
12
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,256
I did her, too.
13
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,525
And I want to give you
the DiMeo smile.
14
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:27,861
Do we have to spend Thanksgiving
with that narcissist?
15
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,098
Well, we only see him
once a year.
16
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,899
But shouldn't you see him
every six months?
17
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,434
(chuckles)
Dentist joke.
18
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,935
Whatever you need,
I'm your dentist.
19
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,170
(whistles)
20
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,106
-Smile!
-Smile, smile, smile!
21
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,773
Hey, that's my line.
22
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,008
Smile.
23
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,009
(ding!)
24
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,277
Oh, make it stop.
25
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,214
And...off.
26
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:49,550
(sighs)
27
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,051
I don't care.
28
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:52,386
It's worth it.
29
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,228
I don't know if the sale rack
has anything
30
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,963
for Thanksgiving
at the country club.
31
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,065
Ooh, spoke too soon.
32
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,601
Da-da-da-da-da.
Put that back.
33
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,437
I'm the fancy bitch
in this family.
34
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:10,938
RAY:
Why are we going at all?
35
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,873
I hate Thanksgiving
with these guys.
36
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,808
There's always so much
family drama.
37
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,578
Remember when I said humidity
was my kryptonite?
38
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,247
I was wrong.
It's drama.
39
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:23,617
"So, in this,
you're Superman?"
40
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:24,785
Ray's right.
41
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,120
I mean,
Billy and his perfect family
42
00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:28,055
don't understand us,
and they don't even try.
43
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,225
We work bloody hard.
We deserve a fun Thanksgiving.
44
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:33,060
Billy is my brother.
It's family.
45
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,395
It matters.
46
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,930
What in the world
is more important?
47
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,432
(choir vocalizes)
48
00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:41,402
Hey, thank you, TV,
for answering that question.
49
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,103
We're gonna bail
and come buy this.
50
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,305
(clapping)
51
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:45,473
-Yes!
-Yes!
52
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:49,076
**
53
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,612
Kenneth! Jimmy and I
were just talking.
54
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,481
We've decided to stay home
for Thanksgiving.
55
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,082
As you're part
of the family now,
56
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,650
we'd love for you
to join.
57
00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,752
And since it's tomorrow,
you get to act generous
58
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,088
knowing I already have plans
and won't come.
59
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,690
No.
60
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,592
Great. I don't have plans.
I'd love to come.
61
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,994
You don't have plans?!
What is wrong with you?
62
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,829
Well, I didn't feel like
traveling this year,
63
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,498
and some lady's making me
work on Friday.
64
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:11,365
(laughs)
65
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,766
(sighs) Fine.
66
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,768
Bring your own plate.
We only have five.
67
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,370
Right, darling,
everything's set.
68
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:19,106
Black Friday plan,
friendless weirdo --
69
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,808
time to call your brother
and cancel.
70
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,610
You haven't told him
you're not coming yet?
71
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:23,777
That's rude.
72
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,479
Now, you see,
stuff like this --
73
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,281
this is why you have
nowhere to go.
74
00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:31,352
Okay, team.
What is our excuse?
75
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,153
I love a good family lie.
The house blew up?
76
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:35,689
Last-minute invitation
to Henry Winkler's.
77
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,558
I have taken a lover.
78
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,560
And JJ's sick it is.
79
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,029
Ah, man. We use that excuse
for everything.
80
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,797
I'm sorry,
you use your son's disability
81
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,666
as your own personal
get-out-of-jail-free card?
82
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,000
Don't judge us.
83
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,902
Having an excuse
to get out of stuff
84
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,339
is one of the, like,
three benefits of being
a special-needs family.
85
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:54,642
"There's skipping lines
at amusement parks."
86
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,709
Good parking spots.
87
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,077
And it's taught us lots
88
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,912
about human dignity,
patience, and compassion.
89
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,648
Blah, blah, blah.
90
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,516
Hey, buddy.
It's Jimmy.
91
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,653
We -- Yeah, we -- we saw
the new commercial.
92
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,655
(laughing) Funny.
93
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,723
Yeah, we got that they
were all you.
94
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:11,058
Listen, I hate to do this
at the last minute,
95
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,526
but we got
to cancel tomorrow.
96
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,061
Yeah, JJ's sick.
97
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,763
(gags)
98
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,765
Yeah, on top of
the cerebral palsy.
99
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,268
Yeah, that still
hasn't cleared up.
100
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:23,003
Yeah, all right.
Okay, bye.
101
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,772
Oh, well done, darling.
102
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,409
-They're coming here.
-No!
103
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,777
-Crap!
-No!
104
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,512
MAYA:
We were so bloody close
105
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,913
to having a fun
Thanksgiving.
106
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,448
That's all I want.
107
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:36,884
"Girls just want to have fun."
Lauper.
108
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:39,387
Seriously.
I'm not being rude.
109
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,689
Do you ever get invited
anywhere on purpose?
110
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,692
Come on. What is so bad
about Jimmy's relatives?
111
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,327
Oi! Everyone get in here.
112
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,563
Kenneth wants to know
113
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:52,032
what's so wrong
with Uncle Billy's family.
114
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,701
-Ugh.
-Let's start big picture.
115
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,236
You'd think Jimmy's family,
after years with JJ,
116
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,105
would have developed
some understanding,
117
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,308
some extra care,
compassion.
118
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,075
Instead what you get
is a lot of talking
119
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,278
to JJ like he's deaf!
120
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:07,948
Then there are these
individuals' specific quirks.
121
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,751
Like cousin Duncan.
Every year he has
a new catchphrase.
122
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,620
Dope!
123
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,755
Sick!
124
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,156
(balls clack)
125
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,292
Noish!
126
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:22,162
It will be the only thing
he says all day.
127
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:28,936
"Aunt Audrey's mom puts on
a show for one lucky hostage."
128
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:31,772
**
129
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,476
I'll assume that moving
is a standing ovation.
130
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,447
Then there's Dr. Billy,
who is crazy-rich
131
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,650
and will not go a sentence
without reminding me.
132
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:43,984
BILLY: 3:15?
133
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,353
Oh!
134
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,955
Still on Saint-Tropez time.
135
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,290
Hey, you know
how to set a Rolex
136
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:52,259
with diamonds
all around it?
137
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,161
Then there's his wife,
Audrey.
138
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,830
She apparently feels our pain
more than we do.
139
00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:02,102
Look at you all.
You're just so brave.
140
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,972
(sobbing)
141
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:07,375
Oh, I'm sorry, JJ.
I'm leaving you out.
142
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,043
(sobs)
143
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,645
You'll see.
Audrey's the worst.
144
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,280
No one is worse
than Duncan.
145
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,183
"Duncan doesn't give you
lap dances."
146
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:21,021
I promise I'll be stuck watching
Audrey cry 10 times tomorrow.
147
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,957
I bet you Billy humble-brags
more than Audrey cries.
148
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,626
-I'll take that action.
-I want in on this.
149
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,294
"Deal me in, suckas!"
150
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,529
Ooh, hold on!
151
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,564
I know how to make
Thanksgiving fun.
152
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:34,167
What if we turn
their annoyances into a game?
153
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,870
Dylan gets a point every time
Duncan says his word.
154
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:40,508
I get one when Audrey cries,
JJ when Joan dances,
155
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,511
Jimmy when Billy humble-brags,
and Ray --
156
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,678
Wants no part of this.
157
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,414
You're gonna try
and draw out
158
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,582
more of the behavior
that drives you crazy.
159
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,150
That's maximum drama.
160
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,985
Good, 'cause we didn't
have anyone for you anyway.
161
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,855
I'm actually looking forward
to Thanksgiving.
162
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,024
Not since
"A Spoonful of Sugar"
163
00:05:57,057 --> 00:06:00,093
has a British lady made
something so crappy fun.
164
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,194
Mwah.
165
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,731
"Does the game
have stakes?"
166
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:08,068
You know how every year
Uncle Billy always slips Dad
167
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,770
a wad of pity cash?
168
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,338
Winner takes all.
169
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,174
Now that's something
to be thankful for.
170
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,876
Noish!
171
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,178
Happy Thanksgiving, Ray.
172
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,613
Why did you
come here?
173
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,449
It's your day off.
Run.
174
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,016
You keep stressing
like that,
175
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,418
you're gonna give yourself
an ulcer.
176
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:27,421
At least then my acid reflux
would have a friend.
177
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:29,389
Listen,
I hate drama, too.
178
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,559
Last year, I was the victim
of identity theft.
179
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,193
Just let the guy
keep my name.
180
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,895
You need to fix that.
181
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,396
Eh. Actually improved
my credit.
182
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,967
Look, if you really
want to avoid drama
183
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,236
at a family event,
there's only one play.
184
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,938
Hide out in the kitchen.
185
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,607
But my mom's in there.
186
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,642
It's the epicenter
of drama.
187
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:52,212
Which is why you and I will be
taking over the cooking.
188
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,781
Oh. Likey.
189
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,382
Don't do that.
190
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,784
(doorbell rings)
191
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,285
They're here!
192
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,121
Okay, contestants,
on your marks, get set...
193
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,255
go.
194
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,424
-Hello, everyone.
-There she is!
195
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,326
Hi. Thank you.
196
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,394
So good to see you.
197
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,396
Oh, hey, Jimbo.
198
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,665
Are you doing
a house-flip thing here?
199
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:14,234
Smart. Huh? This is quite
the "before" pic.
200
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,769
(chuckles) Judges?
201
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,472
Douchey, not a brag.
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
202
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,741
Who wants to see
my newest satisfied customer?
203
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,342
(snaps)
Open up. Huh?
204
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:23,777
Ah!
205
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,112
-Wow.
-He'll grow into those.
206
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,947
-Hey, Duncan.
-Hm.
207
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,416
Denied.
208
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,119
There he is.
209
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,589
I have something
"muy caliente" prepared.
210
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,625
My biggest fan...
211
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,827
meet my newest fan.
212
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,361
(chuckles)
213
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,596
You want me
to dance already?
214
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,431
No, "pathienthia."
215
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,634
Oh, good,
he's feeling better.
216
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:50,103
Hi, JJ!
Gobble, gobble!
217
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,939
His hearing
is actually perfect.
218
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,941
He just can't speak.
219
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,843
Oh, well,
not yet he can't.
220
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,945
(voice breaking) But you
never give up hope, do you?
221
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:01,281
(crying)
Oh, I'm sorry, I --
222
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,652
Aw. Yes.
223
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,253
(ding!)
-Suck it.
224
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,859
There we go.
Your mom gave us the kitchen,
225
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,828
and I've created
a drama force field.
226
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:15,996
(chuckles)
227
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,398
Now, let's get down
to business.
228
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:19,667
(cellphone chimes)
229
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,301
How do you cook?
230
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,136
You've never
done this before?
231
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,005
How hard could it be?
232
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,140
We just got to get this turkey
out of here.
233
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,142
It's taking up all the space
in the one oven that works.
234
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,712
Mom said two more hours
at 325.
235
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,848
Sounds like one more hour
at 650 to me.
236
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,718
Or 39,000 degrees
for one minute.
237
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,987
Did you just do that
in your head?
238
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,689
Damn, you're a good chef!
239
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,424
**
240
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,326
And here's
the bathroom.
241
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,829
Just one to service
the whole family.
242
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,163
Very sad.
243
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,166
Note the lack of door.
244
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,869
Maybe Santa
will bring us one.
245
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,171
And yet,
still you rise.
246
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,940
(crying)
I don't know how you do it.
247
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,541
(ding!)
-Sorry.
248
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:04,344
When I'm pregnant,
I get so much more emotional.
249
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,313
Oh, I didn't even
think of that.
250
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,951
Check out
these video games.
251
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,419
Pretty sick, huh?
252
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,322
Or whatever word really cool
people are using.
253
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:17,891
Come on, dude,
what's it gonna take?
254
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,628
I've got comic books.
255
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,596
Bag of Ray's
baby teeth.
256
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,765
Lite-Brite?
257
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,299
Yaaass!
258
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,968
(ding!)
-Yes!
259
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,738
Yaaass!
260
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:31,839
(ding!)
261
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,910
(flamenco music playing)
262
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,046
(castanets clacking)
263
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:42,315
JJ is loving this
more than usual.
264
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,617
It must be the dress.
265
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:44,718
(ding!)
266
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,053
You're wasting time,
darling.
267
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,221
Everyone else
is racking up the points.
268
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,958
Oh, yeah,
hope I can catch up.
269
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,559
Yeah.
270
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,161
Thanks, bro.
271
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,796
(clears throat)
272
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:58,431
So...
You saw the new Tesla,
right?
273
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,167
Everyone wants
to look inside it.
274
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,235
Like they've never seen a rich
guy save the planet before.
275
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,403
(ding!)
276
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,639
Took it to Vegas,
lost 15 grand...
277
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:08,408
in taxes that I paid
on my winnings.
278
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,610
(ding!)
Oh, God,
my last commercial,
279
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,113
it was so huge,
it's like, how do I top it?
280
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,181
You know?
281
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,783
I was gonna shoot it
on my yacht,
282
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,118
but apparently,
"You need permits, sir."
283
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,687
(chuckles)
I don't know.
284
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,656
I should just run for mayor.
Everyone's asking me to.
285
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,491
I'll finally get 'em
off my ass, you know?
286
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,325
(laughs)
287
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,760
(ding ding ding!)
288
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,228
So, things are good.
289
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,968
Okay, outside is burnt,
290
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,870
but inside is, uh...
291
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,839
75 degrees!
292
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:42,843
Okay, so what we need to do
is take some of this cook
293
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,377
and put it in here.
294
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:47,280
So much for avoiding drama.
We've ruined Thanksgiving.
295
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,883
Ruined? Hey, have you ever been
to the supermarket?
296
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,619
They have a whole case
full of cooked baby turkeys.
297
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,154
Those are
rotisserie chickens.
298
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:57,124
Well, you know that
because you are a chef.
299
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:01,028
No, I'm sorry, darling.
That only counts as one dance.
300
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,697
"She changed --" S-T-Y--
"styles five times."
301
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:06,900
It's a medley, JJ.
What can I say?
My hands are tied.
302
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:10,470
(sighs) Mark me down
for two more yaaasses.
303
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,338
He is on fire.
304
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,706
That's good, darling,
305
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,341
but we're all playing
for second place.
306
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,543
Your dad's cleaning up,
and he's not even trying.
307
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,246
I'm done playing the market.
Who needs the stress?
308
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,814
One day I lose 10K,
309
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,249
-then I make 100K...
(ding!)
310
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,718
...then I lose 5K,
then I make 200K.
311
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,419
(ding!)
-Get me off this ride!
312
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,821
You and me both, buddy.
313
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,489
**
314
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,691
See? I told you
this plan was perfect.
315
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,261
You think they'll notice that
our turkey has 16 tiny legs?
316
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,897
Nah, with the amount of hormones
they pump into these birds,
317
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,867
there's no right number of legs
a turkey has anymore.
318
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,902
Okay, drama averted.
319
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,270
(cellphone rings)
320
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:46,439
Excuse me.
321
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,177
(cellphone beeps)
322
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,578
Take a hint!
323
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:53,346
When it rings once
and it goes to voicemail,
324
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,714
I'm ignoring you!
325
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,516
Stop calling me, woman!
326
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:57,417
(cellphone beeps)
327
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,724
We're gonna need some bowls
for this stuff.
328
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:09,596
You know, Ray, uh, I wonder
if you noticed back there,
329
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,563
I took a call.
330
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:11,865
I caught that, yeah.
331
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,133
It's just a little
family stuff.
332
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,802
It's why I chose
to be here today.
333
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:18,405
And now I feel like I ruined
our peaceful vibe.
334
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,974
No, nothing's ruined.
We still got a nice mellow --
335
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:24,044
It's just that my sister Kendall
comes into town,
336
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,445
and she gets with my mom,
337
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,781
and it's just
Crap on Kenneth Day.
338
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,549
So, back to the food --
339
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,051
And then my dad joins in,
340
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,420
and God forbid say anything
against the colonel.
341
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,722
This is starting
to feel like drama.
342
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,759
You're gonna attack me
now, too, NC?
343
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,061
That's for "New Colonel."
344
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,662
I don't want to be
the new colonel.
345
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,232
And I don't want to be the
Clements family disappointment.
346
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,734
Okay, four seconds ago,
I didn't know your last name.
347
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,903
Let's go back to that.
348
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:53,006
So what are you driving
these days?
Same wheelchair-accessible van
349
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,307
we've had for a decade.
350
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,775
Good for you,
because honestly --
351
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:56,977
Oh, let me guess.
352
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,778
I'm lucky
I drive a crappy car.
353
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,280
Owning great things
is the worst.
354
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,448
Being rich sucks?
355
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:02,482
Easy.
356
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,783
I'm just saying it's stressful
357
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:04,985
having all that horsepower.
358
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,453
Oh, shut up.
359
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:07,988
What is this constant need
360
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,189
to prove that you're better
than me?
361
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,524
We're not 13.
I'm a 13 handicap.
362
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:14,261
Ugh, enough about
the golf and the yacht.
363
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,596
You forgot the car,
which I'm very, very proud of.
364
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,865
Well, guess what.
365
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,699
I could outrace you
in your Tesla
366
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,435
with my old junker any day.
367
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,837
Oh, it's on.
368
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,505
It's on.
No.
369
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,041
Now it's on.
370
00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:30,043
-The car?
-Turned it on with my phone.
371
00:13:30,077 --> 00:13:32,545
Well, that actually
is pretty cool.
Yep.
372
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,381
You see what you do to me, Ray?
373
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,717
You find my insecurities,
and you poke.
374
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,987
And you poke,
and you poke!
375
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,488
I don't think I poked,
376
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,490
but if there was
any unintentional poking --
377
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:44,724
(laughing)
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
378
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,626
You'd fit just fine
in my family.
379
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,996
(chuckles)
Just fine.
380
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,631
Look, the holidays
are a tricky time.
381
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,566
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Play it cool.
382
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,735
Make me out to be
the crazy one.
383
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,804
Crazy Kenneth!
384
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,807
Oh, hell no!
385
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,809
You did not just walk away
from me.
386
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,711
Mom!
387
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,746
(engine revving)
388
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,319
What is going on here?
389
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,686
What does it look like,
dear?
390
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,822
It's a driving-skills
competition.
391
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,358
Is that my granny's urn?
392
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,829
(imitates engine revving)
It's electric car.
393
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,431
It doesn't rev.
(imitates engine revving)
394
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,233
Honey,
is this a good idea?
395
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:27,935
Honey, stay out of it.
396
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,236
I've stayed out of it.
397
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,437
That's what got us
into this mess.
398
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,939
I'm doing it.
399
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,306
Jimmy, you ready?
400
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,509
-Three, two...
-No!
401
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,179
Don't wreck the car!
It's a rental.
402
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,547
(sighs)
403
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,449
It's true.
We're broke.
404
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,217
We've lost everything.
405
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,652
-What?
-Really?
406
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,425
I gambled it all away.
407
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,594
And then I tried to claw
my way back
408
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,263
by selling
unnecessary procedures --
409
00:14:56,296 --> 00:15:00,133
braces for babies,
everybody got a night guard.
410
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:03,303
And then Channel 10 blew the lid
off the whole damn thing.
411
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,573
But, hey, hey, hey.
We're gonna get it all back.
412
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,576
Look what I built
with just a dental degree
413
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,711
and 800 grand
from your dad.
414
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,413
What's going on?
415
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:16,383
We were having a really nice day
until it all got ruined
416
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,418
because of this
stupid competition.
417
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,254
What did I tell you?
So, they bug you.
418
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,555
Deal with it.
419
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,656
Instead you turned them
into pawns
420
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,659
in your stupid
mocking game.
421
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:27,627
Game?
422
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,096
What game?
423
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,964
They didn't know
about that part, son.
424
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,565
Drama, drama, drama.
425
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:36,669
Damn you
and your drama, NC!
426
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,671
I don't want to be
the new colonel.
427
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:44,844
So, that's all we are to you?
The butt of some cruel joke?
428
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,446
AUDREY:
What were you betting on?
429
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:47,680
(voice breaking)
I mean, what do I do
430
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,082
that's so ridiculous
anyway?
431
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,950
Nothing, we --
we didn't have one for you.
432
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:54,988
Okay. You want to play a game
about people's annoying stuff?
433
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,924
Because we can play a game
about people's annoying stuff.
434
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,493
Like, I don't know,
a sister-in-law that goes on
435
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,462
like a British
Erin Brockovich.
436
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:05,432
(cockney accent) I took on
the system, I did, I did.
437
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,200
Yeah, tell her, honey.
Meh, meh.
438
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,702
Witty wisecrack.
Meh, meh, meh.
439
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,704
That's pretty good.
MAYA: No, no, it's good,
it's good, it's good.
440
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,440
Get it out, get it out,
whether it's accurate or not.
441
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,807
Oh, and don't forget
about JJ.
442
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,809
He's got that sick
"Harold and Maude" thing
443
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:17,877
going on with Joan.
444
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:21,614
"I do.
Sorry, society."
445
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,151
But you guys can mock us
all you want
446
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,453
because you've
got problems.
447
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,687
No, no, no, you're right.
448
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,722
We -- We're so focused
on the fact
449
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,324
that you don't understand
our problems.
450
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:34,161
We didn't even consider
that you might actually
451
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,362
have problems
of your own.
452
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:36,863
This is good, you know,
453
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,865
'cause we're actually talking
about something.
454
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,667
Yeah, like a family.
455
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,702
You annoy us,
we annoy you.
456
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:46,005
I'm glad the game
came out.
What game?
457
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:49,376
And you see, Ray, that is how
you enter a conversation.
458
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:52,079
It really seemed like you
were talking about the game.
459
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,546
Maybe this can be
a fresh start.
460
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,082
Maybe our Thanksgiving
461
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:56,649
can be
something different.
462
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,486
And maybe we don't even
have any turkey or sides.
463
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,354
I love that idea, Maya.
464
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,424
Billy...
465
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,226
let's take a walk.
466
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,397
(door opens)
467
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,332
Ray. Hey, man.
468
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,033
In the harsh
light of day,
469
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,035
I may have been working
through some stuff
470
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:20,207
and unfairly transferred
some things onto you.
471
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,608
It's okay.
Could you have handled it
472
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,576
a little bit better
than you did?
473
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:27,714
Doesn't matter.
Happy Thanksgiving.
474
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,049
This is nice,
just you and me.
475
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:31,218
We never do this.
476
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,219
No.
477
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,387
Kid wasn't sick, was he?
478
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,588
You just didn't
want to come.
479
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,257
Ah.
480
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,058
How much honesty
were you looking for today?
481
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,194
(sighs)
482
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:43,430
Look, I get that you guys
have stuff going on,
483
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:47,867
but people have problems
and brothers at the same time.
484
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:51,070
That's the first thing
you've said in 10 years
485
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:52,772
that isn't about how much
stuff you've got.
486
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,975
Yeah, well, I'm poor now.
I got to mix it up.
487
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,645
For the record,
we didn't just cancel
488
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,947
because we didn't
want to hang out with you.
489
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,283
Oh, no?
What, you got big plans?
490
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,252
Huge.
491
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,220
60 inches.
492
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:10,223
**
493
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:11,624
AUDREY: Wow, long line.
494
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:14,327
I'm not sure
you're gonna get your TV.
495
00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:15,495
Ooh, where you going?
496
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,765
"I know a guy."
497
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,004
Excuse me.
Excuse me. There you go.
498
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:27,174
Is this okay?
Yeah, just go with it.
499
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,575
Thank you.
500
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,410
Oh, whoa, whoa.
What the hell?
501
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,145
I've been sitting here
for 36 hours.
502
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:36,616
"I've been sitting here
for 16 years."
503
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,024
Yaaass!
504
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:48,495
What is yaaass?
505
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:50,197
I guess it's my way
of compensating for the fact
506
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,131
that sometimes
I feel I have nothing of value
507
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,366
to contribute
to a conversation.
508
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,302
It's -- It's like
verbal armor.
509
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,704
No, I just meant,
what is it?
510
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:58,805
Oh, it's like "yes."
511
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,544
(crying) I just --
I don't have any words.
512
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,847
It's just so good.
513
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,849
Oh, God.
514
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:13,019
So, I shouldn't be insulted
that you cried about me at all.
515
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,522
You're just nuts.
So nuts.
516
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:18,325
(sobbing)
517
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,760
Damn it, Kendall!
Let your brother get a word in!
518
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,666
I'm calling because...
519
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,601
I was inspired
to make things right.
520
00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:32,138
No, no, don't put
the colonel on.
521
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,674
I'll -- I ain't gonna
talk to him 'cause...
522
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,175
Hello, sir!
523
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,411
Okay, let's load
this sucker up.
524
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:40,347
(crowd groans)
-Wow.
525
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,015
Actually,
change of plans.
526
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,684
Excuse me.
527
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:49,556
Hi. I just bought the last
60-inch super-high-def TV.
528
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:53,192
It lists at $1,000.
529
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,761
The bidding
starts at $200.
530
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:55,762
Are you kidding me?
531
00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:57,196
-$200!
-$250!
532
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,201
Enjoy.
533
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,573
No. What?
534
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:09,075
I can't.
No way.
Please.
535
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,110
How many times have you helped
my family out over the years?
536
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,012
13.
Okay.
537
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,081
Well, that wasn't
just for you.
538
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,417
I really like stuff
being all about me.
539
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:18,751
Sure.
540
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:21,854
Here.
Here you go.
541
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,022
Buy yourself
something nice, kid.
542
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,257
Okay.
543
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,562
Well, that was lovely.
Hm.
544
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,264
We really do host
a very nice Thanksgiving.
545
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,399
Yeah.
546
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,435
Except we didn't
feed them.
547
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,103
Let's go home
and have some turkey.
548
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,806
Sorry, no can do.
JJ's sick.
549
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,114
Hi, I'm Dr. William DiMeo.
Just one of me this time.
550
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:51,784
In dentistry, like in life,
there are ups and downs.
551
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:55,655
But you know what's constant?
Family.
552
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,391
Like JJ, my real-life nephew.
553
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,893
If he likes me,
I can't be all bad, huh?
554
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,563
Are we okay with him using JJ
to get his patients back?
555
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,164
Shh!
556
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,767
So take it from loveable,
trustworthy JJ,
557
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,671
and come on back and let me
give you the DiMeo smile.
558
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,139
Special holiday offer --
559
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:14,641
two teeth whitenings
for the price of one.
560
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:16,175
(ding ding!)
561
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:19,278
-- Captions by VITA --
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