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00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,070
["Deck The Halls" instrumental]
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00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:07,040
[hip‐hop beats]
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00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:10,176
Ho to the ho‐ho! Ha‐ha!
4
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:11,778
For those of you just tuning in
5
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,615
this is the K‐JSB
Annual Christmas Auction.
6
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,416
Now, the next item up for bid
7
00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:18,652
are two floor‐seats
to the Los Angeles Lakers.
8
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,153
Let me hear somethin'.
9
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,354
[telephones ringing]
Alright!
10
00:00:21,387 --> 00:00:22,723
[telephones ringing]
11
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,124
Oh, I'm sorry.
12
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:26,192
The Los Angeles Clippers.
13
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,796
Ah! Oh, I'm sorry.
14
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:30,831
They're playing the Lakers.
15
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,633
[telephones ringing]
16
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,568
Alright, let's go
to our totals.
17
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:36,402
‐ Turtle!
‐ It's getting hot in here.
18
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,272
[chuckles]
And, uh, like I said, people
19
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,207
I'm not gonna be taking
my clothes off
20
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:44,410
so please stop bidding
on my elf suit, okay?
21
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,346
Right, hey,
our next item up for bid
22
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,314
is from someone
who insisted on donating.
23
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,482
Let's meet her.
24
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,151
Ms. Neesee James.
25
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:52,853
No relation.
26
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,189
On behalf of Exquisite Catering,
I'm proud to donate
27
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:59,660
a fully‐catered
seven‐course lunch for one.
28
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:02,195
What?
29
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:05,131
Come on, girl, dig deep.
This is for the children.
30
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,166
Dinner for two.
31
00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:08,334
[chuckles]
32
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:10,671
[clears throat]
33
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,640
Fine. One of the courses
will be shrimp.
34
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,209
[telephones ringing]
35
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:18,344
Good news.
36
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,680
Dinner sold.
37
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,648
[cheering]
38
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,585
For $35.
39
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,086
Oh, hell, no.
40
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,855
Well, folks, that's my time.
41
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,390
But for the next two hours
42
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,358
your host
will be sportscaster, Alan Miles
43
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:35,328
and I'm sure he will have
some unique items up for bid.
44
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:37,430
[chuckles]
Like, my dinner.
45
00:01:37,463 --> 00:01:40,366
Someone needs to call here
and re‐bid.
46
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:41,568
Alright, alright.
47
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,404
On behalf
of the K‐JSB news team
48
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,239
may the season bring much
49
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:49,375
peace to you.
50
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:50,744
(male #1)
'And we're out.'
51
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:51,912
'Station ID, people.'
52
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,446
[bell ringing]
53
00:01:53,479 --> 00:01:55,348
‐ Alright.
‐ Whoa, w‐where are you going?
54
00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:57,217
Alan's not here yet.
55
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,752
Tia's dad is coming into town
and I'm already late.
56
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,386
‐ Just stretch it, okay?
‐ Um..
57
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:01,822
'And we're back.'
58
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:04,791
[instrumental music]
59
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,337
[music continues]
60
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,817
♪ Often I wish that we ♪
61
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,286
♪ Could take the time to see ♪
62
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:37,924
♪ The need there is
to be a family yeah ♪
63
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,326
♪ 'Cause it's all of us ♪
64
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,729
♪ Sometimes it can be rough ♪
65
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,665
♪ Time and seasons change ♪
66
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,333
♪ But we will still remain ♪
67
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,970
♪ It's just all of us ♪
68
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,238
♪ It's just all of us ♪
69
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:54,941
♪ It's just all of us ♪
70
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:58,211
♪ It's just all of us ♪♪♪
71
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,751
["Joy To The World"
instrumental]
72
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,877
Hey, baby!
73
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,414
‐ Ta‐da!
‐ Wow.
74
00:03:34,447 --> 00:03:37,751
This is
a really white Christmas.
75
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,986
We gonna have to get you
a Negro‐derm patch.
76
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,257
Come on, baby, stop playin'.
77
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:45,425
Daddy's on his way.
78
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:46,827
‐ Unh‐unh, baby.
‐ What?
79
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,295
Your daddy's already here!
80
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,430
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
81
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,799
No, no, no! No, no, no!
82
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,701
Keep it on hold,
'cause I got to finish
83
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,836
making this look like Christmas.
84
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,403
Oh, I got you. I got you.
85
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,438
What you got?
86
00:03:58,471 --> 00:03:59,806
Bam!
87
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:02,976
Take that, take that, take that
88
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,512
take that, take that, take that.
89
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,880
You know, that's just great.
90
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,515
Now this Christmas tree's
gonna have
91
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,683
that new cab smell.
92
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,451
[chuckles]
93
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:14,755
Come on, baby, this is the first
Christmas since my mom passed.
94
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,890
I just want everything
to be perfect for my dad.
95
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,726
Oh, it's gonna be fine.
Your dad is gonna have fun.
96
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,427
You know, we'll, we'll show him
97
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,597
we'll show him what we do up
in here. You know what I mean?
98
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:26,533
And you know what? He's bringing
his family friend, Marcia.
99
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,735
Our families used to spend
Christmases together.
100
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,904
When she used to baby‐sit me
101
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,406
she used to let me have
sips of her coffee.
102
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,747
[whispering]
Are you crazy?
103
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,448
You should not say that loud.
104
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:45,018
[doorbell rings]
Oh! Ooh‐ooh‐ooh‐ooh‐ooh‐ooh!
105
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,989
‐ Booyah!
‐ Ah, daddy!
106
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,592
‐ Mwah!
‐ Oh, baby.
107
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:52,893
‐ Hey, baby.
‐ Hey.
108
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,662
Oh. Oh. Professor Jewel.
109
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,064
Oh, please, Santa.
110
00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,566
Call me Lucas.
111
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,334
With all due respect
112
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:04,004
Lucas is the guy
who delivers the concrete.
113
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,907
You've been to school
for 47 years.
114
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,810
I'mma call you doctor, professor
115
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,344
neurologist, genius..
116
00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:12,679
I'mma call you somebody, huh?
117
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:13,814
[laughs]
118
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,582
Hey, Marcia
119
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,584
this is my fiance, Robert.
120
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,554
Ooh, he is a big upgrade
from that old light‐skinned Ivan
121
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:21,688
you used to sniff around.
122
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,424
[laughing]
123
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:25,826
Well, so how are you doin', dad?
124
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:26,860
I'm doin' okay.
125
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:29,796
(Marcia)
Tia, this place!
126
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,532
You are your mother's child.
127
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,033
Uh, Bobby, come on in here.
128
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,401
There's someone I want you
to meet who just flew in.
129
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,906
Wow, Santa!
130
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,844
Actually,
I was talking about my dad
131
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,078
and his friend, Marcia.
132
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:48,549
‐ Sorry. Hi.
‐ Hi.
133
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,816
[whispering]
Santa.
134
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,022
What are you doing here?
135
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,827
Uh, er, uh..
136
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,967
Well, I always have
a practice run before Christmas
137
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,402
to make sure
I have the fastest route.
138
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,838
Ho‐ho‐ho‐ho!
139
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,541
Let me show y'all
the fastest route to your rooms.
140
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,176
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Okay.
141
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,744
Dad, you're in this room
142
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:18,879
right off the kitchen
to the left.
143
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:19,913
‐ You can't miss it.
‐ Okay.
144
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:22,015
And, Marcia, you're upstairs.
145
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,049
You know what,
I'm just gonna show you.
146
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,851
‐ Okay, come on.
‐ Okay.
147
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,188
Santa, is that really you?
148
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,824
Of course, it's me, Bobby!
Ha‐ha‐ha!
149
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,926
Wow, you know my name!
150
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:35,696
Of course, I know your name.
I'm Santa Claus.
151
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,898
[laughs]
152
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:40,801
Where are your reindeer?
153
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,169
Um, on the roof.
154
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:47,508
You know, Rudolph, Prancer..
155
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,475
...Bernice.
156
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:52,145
There's no Bernice.
157
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:55,015
Oh, uh, Bernice is new.
158
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,884
Rudolph met her
at a Christmas party last year
159
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,853
and she hasn't left since.
160
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,523
Wow.
161
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,124
What's Bobby short for?
162
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,491
Robert.
163
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,561
[gasps]
164
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,095
Humphrey James Jr.
165
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,531
[gasps]
166
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,501
I'll go get you some cookies.
167
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,937
[chuckles]
You hurry up.
168
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,104
[chuckles]
169
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,576
That is too cute.
He really thinks you're Santa.
170
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,978
Nah, he knows I'm not Santa.
We're just playin'.
171
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:27,648
Oh. Ooh.
172
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,550
‐ Santa.
‐ What?
173
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,585
You look kinda sexy
in that suit.
174
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,820
‐ Word. See my butt?
‐ Alright!
175
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,690
[laughing]
176
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,059
So, won't you, uh, sit
on Santa's lap
177
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,127
so he could tell you
what he wants for Christmas?
178
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,565
Uh‐uh, my daddy's around.
No reindeer games.
179
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,166
He knows we're engaged.
180
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,268
And your daddy know
you're decking my halls.
181
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,170
[chuckles]
182
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,706
Santa, I brought you some..
183
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:53,774
[gasps]
184
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:58,845
Stop it, Santa!
185
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,881
That's my dad's fiance.
186
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:04,184
Oh, ho‐ho‐ho, ho‐ho‐ho,
hold on, Bobby.
187
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,053
You're gonna get in trouble
when my dad gets home.
188
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:10,090
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Bobby,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
189
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,725
It's‐it's just me.
190
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,695
Daddy?
191
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,963
You're Santa Claus?
192
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,733
You're the one who brings me
presents every year?
193
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:20,834
Uh‐oh.
194
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,541
So who delivered your presents
when you were little?
195
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:28,909
Oh, um..
196
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,944
Well, my‐my father
197
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:34,715
he would, but..
198
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:37,784
So if grandpa was Santa
199
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,219
and you're Santa
200
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:42,088
does that mean
I'll be Santa someday, too?
201
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:45,158
No. No, see, Santa is..
202
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:47,628
Yes.
203
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,663
Yay! I'm gonna be Santa!
204
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,698
I don't have
to go to school anymore!
205
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,936
Oh, ho, whoa‐ho‐ho,
wait up, uh, Bobby.
206
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,804
Uh, Santa can read, though.
207
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,274
(Bobby)
Yay, no more school!
208
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:05,211
[hip‐hop beats]
209
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,048
Alex, calm down.
210
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,315
How could Bobby possibly affect
211
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,084
what Reggie's getting
for Christmas?
212
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,253
[doorbell rings]
213
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,288
He said he was who?
214
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,026
Oh, girl, I‐I'll talk to him.
215
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,996
What's up?
216
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:25,065
A cold wind
just blew through the door.
217
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,301
I gotta go.
218
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,936
‐ Neesee, I need your help.
‐ Oh, no.
219
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,271
If you want me to cook
your Christmas dinner
220
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,674
the answer is no!
221
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:34,941
I'll be too busy
trying to figure out
222
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,743
how to feed two people
seven courses
223
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,712
for $35.
224
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,213
And when I said shrimp
225
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,248
I meant popcorn shrimp.
226
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,750
Look, actually, I wanted you
227
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,619
to hide Bobby's presents
until Christmas.
228
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:47,888
Speaking of Bobby,
I just got an angry phone call
229
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,956
from Alex
saying that Reggie's upset.
230
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,291
Apparently, Bobby told Reggie
231
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,659
that he's not getting any
232
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,160
Christmas presents ever again.
233
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,662
What?
234
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:58,298
The boy is half Jewish,
half Muslim.
235
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,001
Christmas should offend him.
236
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,069
Well, why would Bobby
say something like that?
237
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,638
I don't know.
238
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,010
Well..
239
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,914
maybe I accidentally told Bobby
240
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,649
something unusual about Santa.
241
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:16,950
I know you didn't tell our son
242
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:18,318
that there's
no such thing as Santa.
243
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:20,386
Of course not.
244
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,989
I told him I was Santa.
245
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,225
Why would you do something
that stupid?
246
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:28,795
Because he caught me slobbin'
down Tia in a Santa suit.
247
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:31,932
[sighs]
Robert, you gotta fix this.
248
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,234
See, I'm going caroling with
the Chocolate Singles, baby.
249
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:37,203
I ain't got time
for this right now.
250
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,039
Neesee,
we have to do this together.
251
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,107
And I'm sure they could do
without your baritone
252
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,910
for a couple of Fa‐La‐La's.
253
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,879
Well, I can't do anything
about it tonight.
254
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,781
So I'm comin'
to pick the baby up tomorrow.
255
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:50,150
‐ Can we deal with it then?
‐ Alright.
256
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,752
Have fun howling.
257
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,723
Ebe‐Neesee Scrooge. Heh.
258
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,091
Robert, do you hear what I hear?
259
00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:00,226
‐ What?
‐ The sound of my front door.
260
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,862
Closing.
261
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,831
[hip‐hop beats]
262
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:10,470
Oh, Robert, there you are.
I need your help.
263
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,073
Lucas hurt himself,
and h‐he can't get out of bed.
264
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,275
‐ Oh, my God.
‐ No.
265
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,779
My bed.
266
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:19,780
Oh.
267
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:22,716
Oh.
268
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:26,887
Oh!
269
00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:33,158
[instrumental music]
270
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:35,093
(Robert)
What the hell?
271
00:11:36,161 --> 00:11:37,896
Now..
272
00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:40,266
...this is not
what it looks like.
273
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:42,801
It looks like y'all were
having sex and you got hurt.
274
00:11:42,834 --> 00:11:45,737
Okay, then it's exactly
what it looks like.
275
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,205
[laughing]
276
00:11:47,238 --> 00:11:48,774
Hey, what's so funny?
277
00:11:48,807 --> 00:11:50,509
Come on now,
I‐I threw my back out
278
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,811
and I pinched a nerve
in my neck, now I'm stuck here.
279
00:11:52,844 --> 00:11:55,080
You fall and then
you can't get it up, professor.
280
00:11:55,113 --> 00:11:57,082
[laughing]
281
00:11:57,115 --> 00:11:58,950
Would you stop laughing
and help me on
282
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:00,886
with my underwear?
283
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,222
Oh.
284
00:12:04,255 --> 00:12:07,092
Not so funny now, huh?
285
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:08,627
Hey, look,
I got bigger problems.
286
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,529
My son thinks I'm Santa Claus.
287
00:12:10,562 --> 00:12:12,531
My daughter's gonna see
my jingle bells
288
00:12:12,564 --> 00:12:15,033
if you don't help me
put on my personals.
289
00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:16,268
Alright, fine.
290
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:18,737
Oh.
291
00:12:19,971 --> 00:12:21,673
These are yours?
292
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:23,675
I didn't know you got down
like that, professor.
293
00:12:24,976 --> 00:12:26,111
Oh.
294
00:12:31,216 --> 00:12:33,585
Maybe we should call
the ambulance.
295
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:35,887
Would you just help me
put on my clothes
296
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,122
before my daughter gets here?
297
00:12:37,155 --> 00:12:38,890
Alright, okay, oh, yes, sir.
298
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:41,026
Pull the sheets. Oh, my God.
299
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:44,996
Alright, okay.
300
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:48,133
One, uh, two..
301
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:50,902
Can you turn the lights off,
please?
302
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,070
Okay.
303
00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:57,843
Alright. Three.
304
00:12:57,876 --> 00:13:00,812
[both screaming]
305
00:13:03,014 --> 00:13:04,182
Ah..
306
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:06,985
Ah. Okay, there.
307
00:13:07,018 --> 00:13:09,788
Uh, not quite.
308
00:13:09,821 --> 00:13:11,290
Oh, don't‐don't
turn the light back on.
309
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:14,360
Okay, okay. Uh..
310
00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:16,328
‐ I'm going back in.
‐ Oh, God.
311
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:18,897
[screaming]
312
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,701
Okay, turn the light on.
313
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:24,336
(Tia)
'Hey, everybody, I'm home!'
314
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,137
‐ Oh, she's..
‐ Oh, I‐I gotta go help Tia.
315
00:13:26,171 --> 00:13:27,973
No, no, no, no.
T‐the pants, the pants.
316
00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:30,241
Don't forget the pants.
317
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:32,210
‐ Alright.
‐ Ow! My back!
318
00:13:32,243 --> 00:13:34,680
‐ Oh, my eyes.
‐ Ah, my back!
319
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,047
‐ Come on. Ah!
‐ Ah..
320
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,149
‐ Ah! My arm!
‐ My God!
321
00:13:38,183 --> 00:13:39,885
My God!
322
00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:43,355
Hey, baby.
323
00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:47,893
It must have been
really crazy at the mall, huh?
324
00:13:47,926 --> 00:13:49,295
That's why I do
my Christmas shoppin'
325
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:50,796
in September to avoid the rush.
326
00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,030
I'm an Internet girl myself.
327
00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:55,834
What in the name of Christmas
328
00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:57,903
is goin' on in here?
329
00:14:01,273 --> 00:14:02,641
You two?
330
00:14:03,942 --> 00:14:07,045
Dad, mom's only been
gone a year.
331
00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:08,380
Oh, I can't even..
332
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,316
‐ 'Well, wait a minute, Tia.'
‐ No, no!
333
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,817
(Marcia)
'We can explain..'
334
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:14,320
[hip‐hop beats]
335
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,187
Baby.
336
00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:19,291
I finally managed
to get your dad's pants on.
337
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:20,726
You probably wasted your time.
338
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,260
I'm sure
Marcia has 'em off again.
339
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:25,263
Uh, look, baby.
340
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:28,033
Your dad
seems to be really happy.
341
00:14:28,066 --> 00:14:29,735
I think Marcia's good for him.
342
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,069
Well, I'm not saying
that she isn't.
343
00:14:31,102 --> 00:14:33,071
I just think it's too soon.
344
00:14:33,104 --> 00:14:36,007
Maybe, maybe not.
345
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,677
I know this guy
who lost his wife
346
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,279
and met someone right away
347
00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:42,314
and they fell madly in love.
348
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:45,250
Well, what kinda jackass
would do that?
349
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,719
And what kinda hussy
would go along with it?
350
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:49,254
[scoffs]
351
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,255
Baby.
352
00:14:51,723 --> 00:14:53,224
I was talking about us.
353
00:14:54,926 --> 00:14:57,763
It's not the same thing.
Neesee didn't die.
354
00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,698
That's true,
but when she left me
355
00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:02,100
I was just as devastated.
356
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:03,969
Financially.
357
00:15:04,002 --> 00:15:06,137
[chuckles]
358
00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:10,108
Hey, if I died
359
00:15:10,141 --> 00:15:12,744
how long would it be
before you found somebody else?
360
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:16,114
Tia, that is
a terrible question.
361
00:15:16,147 --> 00:15:17,349
What would that
someone look like?
362
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:18,717
‐ Robert!
‐ I‐I'm just kidding.
363
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,387
‐ Come on. Halle Berry.
‐ Like that.
364
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,290
[chuckles]
Baby, I think
you know the answer to that.
365
00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:28,159
Yeah.
366
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:30,195
Give me the nutcracker.
367
00:15:30,228 --> 00:15:32,230
‐ For what?
‐ I got nuts to crack.
368
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:39,738
‐ Hey.
‐ What? What?
369
00:15:39,771 --> 00:15:42,708
[hip‐hop beats]
370
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,314
He's still at it.
371
00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:49,748
Well, if he's gonna quit school
372
00:15:49,781 --> 00:15:51,783
at least
he'll know his geography.
373
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,018
He's not quitting anything
374
00:15:53,051 --> 00:15:55,253
except this notion
that he's Santa Junior.
375
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,956
Look, why don't you just tell
him the truth about Santa Claus?
376
00:15:57,989 --> 00:15:59,458
And while you're at it,
throw in the Easter Bunny
377
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:02,494
the Tooth Fairy and
the future of Social Security.
378
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,930
Look, it was an innocent game,
it just got outta control.
379
00:16:04,963 --> 00:16:07,966
No, don't try to sugar‐coat
what you did, Robert.
380
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:09,901
You lied to our son.
381
00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:12,070
Now, you need to go in there
and tell him the truth
382
00:16:12,103 --> 00:16:13,939
that Santa Claus
is a jolly old man
383
00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,240
who lives in the North Pole
384
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:16,875
who delivers toys
to all the kids
385
00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:18,143
around the world in one night
386
00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:20,979
with his flying reindeers.
387
00:16:21,012 --> 00:16:23,081
Damn that,
you gonna work hard all year
388
00:16:23,114 --> 00:16:24,350
to buy presents for your son
389
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,784
so some bloated,
white guy in a suit
390
00:16:25,817 --> 00:16:27,853
takes all the credit?
391
00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:29,421
Well, maybe I should
just tell him the truth.
392
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:31,089
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
393
00:16:31,122 --> 00:16:32,991
There's a difference
between the truth
394
00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:34,225
and Christmas truth.
395
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:36,161
You can't destroy
a kid's fantasy.
396
00:16:36,194 --> 00:16:38,430
Yes, you can.
397
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:39,865
When I was three,
my brothers told me
398
00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:41,967
Santa Claus
died of a heart attack
399
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,469
and then, that some road kill
we drove over
400
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:46,505
was the Easter Bunny.
And look at me.
401
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,239
I turned out fine.
402
00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:53,912
(Marcia)
Thanks for driving, Tia.
403
00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:56,815
‐ Yeah, sure.
‐ I want you to know something.
404
00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:59,318
I really loved your mother.
405
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,486
I know.
406
00:17:04,222 --> 00:17:05,891
Tia, we need to talk.
407
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:18,537
Look, I married your mother
when I was 18 years old
408
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,272
and for the next 35 years
409
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:23,241
we never spent a night apart.
410
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:25,277
When she died
411
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:26,978
a part of me died, too.
412
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:28,980
It must've been the part
above the waist, you know?
413
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,116
Tia Wanda Jewel, how dare you!
414
00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:33,485
You have no idea how I feel.
415
00:17:35,186 --> 00:17:37,923
What do you want me to do,
curl up and die?
416
00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:40,158
Just let me know
'cause I just paid a premium
417
00:17:40,191 --> 00:17:42,394
on my AAA card
and I can get it back.
418
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:43,862
Dad. Come on.
419
00:17:43,895 --> 00:17:45,331
You know that's not what I want
420
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,098
alright?
421
00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,500
It's just that..
422
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:51,169
I just miss mommy.
423
00:17:52,904 --> 00:17:54,172
I miss her, too.
424
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,543
I love you, dad.
425
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,378
I love you, baby.
426
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,647
‐ Come here.
‐ Ow!
427
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,049
Oh, no..
Oh, the hell with that.
428
00:18:04,082 --> 00:18:06,251
You just keep huggin' me.
429
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:08,086
Oh, God.
430
00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:09,321
But when you let go..
431
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:11,022
Mm‐hmm.
432
00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:12,591
...do it gently.
433
00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:14,125
Okay.
434
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:19,465
Well, uh, I'm gonna go
435
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:21,099
check on Marcia.
436
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:23,068
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
437
00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:25,103
Don't even think about it.
438
00:18:25,136 --> 00:18:26,905
Doctor told me
it's gonna take me two weeks
439
00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:30,175
before I can
embarrass myself again.
440
00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:32,210
Good.
441
00:18:32,243 --> 00:18:34,380
Hey, baby, you back.
You seen Bobby?
442
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,147
No, no.
443
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:39,351
‐ Hey, Bobby, come downstairs!
‐ 'No.'
444
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:42,187
‐ Why not?
‐ Because I'm stuck!
445
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:46,992
Oh..
446
00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:48,527
Oh, my God. Bobby.
447
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:56,935
(Neesee)
Bobby, are you okay?
448
00:18:56,968 --> 00:18:59,104
I was just doing what dad does.
449
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:00,439
How do you do it?
450
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,408
[chuckling]
451
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:05,644
Look, Bobby,
parents are not always
452
00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:08,079
honest with their kids.
453
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:10,282
But when you see their legs
dangling from the chimney
454
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,352
you get real honest real fast.
455
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:16,087
Now, although I know
this is gonna be hard for you
456
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:17,188
I'm gonna tell you the truth.
457
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,557
I get it, dad.
458
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,225
You're not Santa Claus.
459
00:19:20,258 --> 00:19:21,527
‐ I'm not?
‐ Nope.
460
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,295
I got stuck in the chimney
461
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,331
and you're way fatter than me.
462
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,232
[chuckles]
463
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,935
Well, that's on your mom.
I'm working with what I got.
464
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:33,572
Look, Bobby,
I'm sorry if I misled you.
465
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:34,640
It's okay.
466
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,141
I know you're just keeping
467
00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:37,609
Santa Claus' secret.
468
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,345
[chuckles]
You're right.
469
00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:43,081
Hey, that's a secret
that you're gonna
470
00:19:43,114 --> 00:19:45,584
have to figure out for yourself
when you grow up.
471
00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:48,554
[instrumental music]
472
00:19:54,931 --> 00:19:57,533
[instrumental music]
473
00:20:21,557 --> 00:20:24,494
[music continues]
474
00:20:31,835 --> 00:20:34,771
[theme music]
32169
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