All language subtitles for Dice s01e01 Pilot.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,222 --> 00:00:11,411 [Dice] I was doing 80,000 seats a week... 2 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:14,241 80,000 seats. 3 00:00:14,242 --> 00:00:18,221 When you reach that level of success, you know, it's... 4 00:00:18,222 --> 00:00:20,311 it's hard to stay there. 5 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:23,421 So when it got a little tough, I grabbed my girlfriend, Carmen, 6 00:00:23,422 --> 00:00:25,391 and my sons, and we moved to Vegas 7 00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,431 to make things a little easier. 8 00:00:27,432 --> 00:00:29,251 But the shows... well, you know, 9 00:00:29,252 --> 00:00:31,636 that's not really happening right now. 10 00:00:31,639 --> 00:00:32,479 You know what I mean? 11 00:00:32,572 --> 00:00:34,391 So my only real source of income 12 00:00:34,392 --> 00:00:36,401 has been coming from gambling. 13 00:00:36,402 --> 00:00:39,341 Long story short, 14 00:00:39,342 --> 00:00:43,281 I need new windows, 15 00:00:43,282 --> 00:00:47,431 and... and I just don't have money to pay for them. 16 00:00:47,432 --> 00:00:50,391 So you're saying you don't want to pay for the windows? 17 00:00:50,392 --> 00:00:52,421 I'm saying I can't pay for the windows. 18 00:00:52,422 --> 00:00:56,441 Because honestly, when you came through this door, 19 00:00:56,442 --> 00:00:58,441 I sort of felt like... 20 00:00:58,442 --> 00:01:00,291 like a friendship brewing between us, 21 00:01:00,292 --> 00:01:02,251 like immediately, just the way we said hello 22 00:01:02,252 --> 00:01:03,321 and I gave you that little hug. 23 00:01:03,322 --> 00:01:05,211 Yeah, yeah. 24 00:01:05,212 --> 00:01:06,251 You know, my... my friend here 25 00:01:06,252 --> 00:01:07,371 will vouch for me on that. 26 00:01:07,372 --> 00:01:07,992 Right, Shake? 27 00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:09,541 What he's trying to say is that sometimes 28 00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:13,361 people come here with celebrity prices on things like windows. 29 00:01:13,362 --> 00:01:15,371 And what I'm saying, you know, is that 30 00:01:15,372 --> 00:01:17,371 it doesn't have to be that way. 31 00:01:17,372 --> 00:01:19,341 Let's put all that aside, okay? 32 00:01:19,342 --> 00:01:22,281 Let's... Let's just get real for a minute, okay? 33 00:01:22,282 --> 00:01:26,291 Let's pretend I'm not Andrew Dice Clay. 34 00:01:26,292 --> 00:01:27,361 Who? 35 00:01:27,362 --> 00:01:29,352 Andrew Dice Clay. 36 00:01:32,382 --> 00:01:35,442 [Rock music plays] 37 00:01:44,262 --> 00:01:45,421 Oh! 38 00:01:45,422 --> 00:01:48,221 [Cheers and applause] 39 00:01:48,222 --> 00:01:51,321 [Crowd chanting "Dice!"] 40 00:01:51,322 --> 00:01:54,331 Top of the world, Ma. 41 00:01:54,332 --> 00:01:56,282 [Chanting continues] 42 00:01:57,988 --> 00:02:03,118 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com - 43 00:02:03,292 --> 00:02:07,212 [Drums playing] 44 00:02:18,432 --> 00:02:21,391 Babe, how's this sound? 45 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,381 I don't have time right now. 46 00:02:23,382 --> 00:02:25,341 Do you like this dress? 47 00:02:25,342 --> 00:02:27,271 Yeah, beautiful. 48 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,311 But do you like it better than this dress? 49 00:02:29,312 --> 00:02:31,371 Babe, we're trying to do a thing here. 50 00:02:31,372 --> 00:02:32,431 Stop with the drumming! 51 00:02:32,432 --> 00:02:34,441 Are you fucking kidding me right now?! 52 00:02:34,442 --> 00:02:36,361 All right. I stopped. 53 00:02:36,362 --> 00:02:39,251 I just came in here! I clearly have a question! 54 00:02:39,252 --> 00:02:40,291 - But I stopped! - You don't care at all! 55 00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:41,361 I'm not doing anything! 56 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,391 You want to know what's bothering me?! 57 00:02:42,392 --> 00:02:44,252 Am I hitting anything?! 58 00:02:46,222 --> 00:02:48,231 Sorry. We were just into it. 59 00:02:48,232 --> 00:02:50,321 You know what I mean? I-I care what's going on. 60 00:02:50,322 --> 00:02:52,241 What's... What's the matter? 61 00:02:52,242 --> 00:02:54,421 Okay, my brother's called me already five times today. 62 00:02:54,422 --> 00:02:57,271 He's really upset. His wedding's falling apart. 63 00:02:57,272 --> 00:02:59,241 Well, weddings can be very stressful. 64 00:02:59,242 --> 00:03:01,281 The bakery got the date wrong. He doesn't have a cake. 65 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,431 He is so stressed, he's making me stressed. 66 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:05,321 Well, you know, honestly, he did it to himself. 67 00:03:05,322 --> 00:03:07,261 - How? - Well, I offered my help. 68 00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:08,371 I mean, honestly, 69 00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:09,441 this wedding could have been one for the books, 70 00:03:09,442 --> 00:03:11,241 but he didn't want my help. 71 00:03:11,242 --> 00:03:12,241 Are you being serious right now? 72 00:03:12,242 --> 00:03:13,401 He's paying too much for the steak, 73 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,231 too much for everything. 74 00:03:15,232 --> 00:03:17,241 I could have got him a free deejay. 75 00:03:17,242 --> 00:03:18,241 He didn't want it. 76 00:03:18,242 --> 00:03:19,351 And on top of everything, 77 00:03:19,352 --> 00:03:21,281 look at the shit linen fabric. 78 00:03:21,282 --> 00:03:23,321 Oh, my God. Enough about the linen. 79 00:03:23,322 --> 00:03:24,431 What do you mean enough about the linen? 80 00:03:24,432 --> 00:03:26,401 It's coarse. It doesn't feel good on skin. 81 00:03:26,402 --> 00:03:29,301 I mean, I could live with it, but it's nothing that... 82 00:03:29,302 --> 00:03:30,401 Andrew, I don't give a shit 83 00:03:30,402 --> 00:03:32,321 about your feelings about linen, okay? 84 00:03:32,322 --> 00:03:34,301 My brother wanted to plan his own wedding. 85 00:03:34,302 --> 00:03:35,411 Get over it! 86 00:03:35,412 --> 00:03:38,241 I mean, since when do you like weddings so much? 87 00:03:38,242 --> 00:03:39,421 I thought you hated weddings. 88 00:03:39,422 --> 00:03:41,271 Yeah, I hate weddings. 89 00:03:41,272 --> 00:03:43,291 Marriage doesn't work. It's depressing. 90 00:03:43,292 --> 00:03:44,351 If marriage doesn't work, 91 00:03:44,352 --> 00:03:46,411 why are you so excited about this one? 92 00:03:46,412 --> 00:03:48,361 Because this is a gay marriage. 93 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,411 Okay, so marriage between men and women don't work? 94 00:03:50,412 --> 00:03:53,291 That's right. Think of all our friends, right? 95 00:03:53,292 --> 00:03:56,291 Everybody's sitting on the couch the minute they get married, 96 00:03:56,292 --> 00:03:58,331 eating pretzels, watching reality shows. 97 00:03:58,332 --> 00:04:02,211 All of a sudden, you forget why you even got together, 98 00:04:02,212 --> 00:04:03,371 and all the fucking stops. 99 00:04:03,372 --> 00:04:04,441 Not with gay marriage. 100 00:04:04,442 --> 00:04:06,271 They're always happy. 101 00:04:06,272 --> 00:04:08,211 They're always dressed to the nines. 102 00:04:08,212 --> 00:04:10,261 They're in top physical condition. 103 00:04:10,262 --> 00:04:13,301 They're in Palm Springs three times a year, 104 00:04:13,302 --> 00:04:16,421 doing push-ups and sit-ups like Navy fucking S.E.A.L.s. 105 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:20,421 And that's why the fucking and sucking continues. 106 00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:22,381 We have sex all the time. 107 00:04:22,382 --> 00:04:27,231 I know, but that's 'cause we're not married. 108 00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:28,391 [Dice] Why we got to be here so early? 109 00:04:28,392 --> 00:04:31,261 I mean, the wedding's not until 6:00. 110 00:04:31,262 --> 00:04:33,421 Well, I just want to help my brother set up, 111 00:04:33,422 --> 00:04:37,271 and then I want to get my hair done before the wedding. 112 00:04:37,272 --> 00:04:38,431 Have you been listening to anything 113 00:04:38,432 --> 00:04:40,281 I've been saying all day? 114 00:04:40,282 --> 00:04:42,221 Not the way you think. 115 00:04:42,222 --> 00:04:44,291 What's that supposed to mean? 116 00:04:44,292 --> 00:04:46,231 It means you're getting your hair done. 117 00:04:46,232 --> 00:04:47,291 How excited should I be? 118 00:04:47,292 --> 00:04:48,441 I don't need you to be excited. 119 00:04:48,442 --> 00:04:50,401 I just need you to know the schedule. 120 00:04:50,402 --> 00:04:52,311 Where's the gift? Did you bring a gift? 121 00:04:52,312 --> 00:04:54,311 Babe, I'm not gonna go traditional. 122 00:04:54,312 --> 00:04:56,371 What should I do, buy the guy a bowl? 123 00:04:56,372 --> 00:04:59,281 I'm going with cash, 124 00:04:59,282 --> 00:05:02,271 $1,000 in an envelope, the right way. 125 00:05:02,272 --> 00:05:03,361 We can't afford that. 126 00:05:03,362 --> 00:05:05,211 We can't afford not to. 127 00:05:05,212 --> 00:05:06,271 It's boomerang money. 128 00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:07,261 Boomerang money? 129 00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:09,211 Yeah. It comes back to us. 130 00:05:09,212 --> 00:05:10,351 Oh, okay. So, then, when we get married, 131 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,301 he's gonna give us 1,000 bucks? 132 00:05:12,302 --> 00:05:15,241 No. Like, uh... like, on a birthday or something. 133 00:05:15,242 --> 00:05:17,311 Relax. I'm just busting your fucking onions. 134 00:05:17,312 --> 00:05:19,211 [laughing] Yeah. 135 00:05:19,212 --> 00:05:22,251 Babe, I-I know you got to be here early. 136 00:05:22,252 --> 00:05:23,401 I get it. But why do I got to be here? 137 00:05:23,402 --> 00:05:25,291 You're here so I know you're here. 138 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,281 So you know I'm here? 139 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:27,291 That's why you're here. 140 00:05:27,292 --> 00:05:28,240 Carmen! 141 00:05:28,241 --> 00:05:30,391 Oh, FYI, uh, brother's fianc?... not a fan. 142 00:05:30,392 --> 00:05:32,351 - Not a fan? - Hey! 143 00:05:32,352 --> 00:05:34,241 Hey, Carmen! 144 00:05:34,242 --> 00:05:35,301 [laughs] Hi. 145 00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,401 Congratulations. 146 00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:37,431 - Oh, thank you. - Congratulations, yeah. 147 00:05:37,432 --> 00:05:39,231 Are you guys feeling better? 148 00:05:39,232 --> 00:05:40,371 - Here you go. - Thanks. 149 00:05:40,372 --> 00:05:42,391 Well, um, nothing has gone wrong in almost 20 minutes, 150 00:05:42,392 --> 00:05:43,818 - so I'm feeling optimistic. - Hey, you know what? 151 00:05:43,819 --> 00:05:46,441 Brides are always nervous on the day of. 152 00:05:46,442 --> 00:05:47,371 It's gonna be okay. 153 00:05:47,372 --> 00:05:49,241 Brides? 154 00:05:49,242 --> 00:05:51,241 Well, you know, grooms. Y-y... 155 00:05:51,242 --> 00:05:52,301 - Yeah, it's okay. - No, no. 156 00:05:52,302 --> 00:05:54,431 You... You may think it's okay, but this "bride" 157 00:05:54,432 --> 00:05:57,251 doesn't appreciate callous remarks like that 158 00:05:57,252 --> 00:05:59,711 from a man who refers to women by calling them "piglets." 159 00:05:59,712 --> 00:06:01,401 Yeah, in my act, my stage performance, 160 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,291 my comedy routine. 161 00:06:03,292 --> 00:06:05,381 There's a big difference between Andrew, 162 00:06:05,382 --> 00:06:07,301 who's in front of you right now, 163 00:06:07,302 --> 00:06:09,311 and the guy onstage when I'm performing. 164 00:06:09,312 --> 00:06:11,321 Oh, okay, well, if... if there is a difference, 165 00:06:11,322 --> 00:06:14,261 then why do you both dress in fingerless gloves? 166 00:06:14,262 --> 00:06:17,251 Well, maybe we both share the same fucking closet. 167 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,401 What's the bug up your ass? 168 00:06:18,402 --> 00:06:20,241 - What a coincidence. - Okay. 169 00:06:20,242 --> 00:06:21,351 Yeah, what a coincidence. 170 00:06:21,352 --> 00:06:23,401 I think... I think that everyone's on edge today. 171 00:06:23,402 --> 00:06:25,321 Yeah. We're gonna go talk to the florist, okay? 172 00:06:25,322 --> 00:06:27,211 - Okay. - See you guys later. 173 00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:28,251 [Dice] Everybody's stressed out. 174 00:06:28,252 --> 00:06:29,301 All right. We'll see you later. 175 00:06:29,302 --> 00:06:30,291 - Okay. - Yeah. 176 00:06:30,292 --> 00:06:32,291 Can you believe that guy? 177 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,331 You still want to give him 1,000 bucks? 178 00:06:34,332 --> 00:06:36,291 $1,000. We're gonna make it $2,000. 179 00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:37,361 We're gonna teach them. 180 00:06:37,362 --> 00:06:38,361 Okay. 181 00:06:38,362 --> 00:06:39,311 I'm a good guy. 182 00:06:39,312 --> 00:06:40,311 I know, honey. 183 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,241 Finally... 184 00:06:42,242 --> 00:06:45,291 a real human being I can talk to. 185 00:06:45,292 --> 00:06:47,221 Wait. Why is Milkshake here? 186 00:06:47,222 --> 00:06:48,311 He's my plus-one. 187 00:06:48,312 --> 00:06:51,221 You don't get a plus-one. You're my plus-one. 188 00:06:51,222 --> 00:06:53,371 You really don't know how weddings work, do you? 189 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,381 - What do you mean? - Okay, fine. 190 00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,221 You two get the gift. 191 00:06:57,222 --> 00:06:58,740 I'm gonna go get my hair done, okay? 192 00:06:58,741 --> 00:06:59,688 - Okay. - All right. 193 00:06:59,689 --> 00:07:01,261 I'll see you later. 194 00:07:01,262 --> 00:07:04,221 195 00:07:04,222 --> 00:07:05,281 Look at this... Vegas. 196 00:07:05,282 --> 00:07:07,301 Look at the life we get to lead, huh? 197 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,411 What's more exciting than hanging out here? 198 00:07:09,412 --> 00:07:12,281 What are you drinking? 199 00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:13,321 Gravy. 200 00:07:13,322 --> 00:07:14,421 - Gravy? - Gravy. 201 00:07:14,422 --> 00:07:16,211 Are you kidding me? 202 00:07:16,212 --> 00:07:17,321 I was hungry. I was at home. 203 00:07:17,322 --> 00:07:18,421 I wanted some gravy, 204 00:07:18,422 --> 00:07:20,431 so I-I didn't have anything to put the gravy on. 205 00:07:20,432 --> 00:07:23,231 I decided I'm gonna have a la carte gravy. 206 00:07:23,232 --> 00:07:24,311 Why don't you just eat horse shit? 207 00:07:24,312 --> 00:07:25,361 It's more chewy. 208 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,707 I like gravy. 209 00:07:26,811 --> 00:07:28,875 I, you know, people say you're not supposed to drink it. 210 00:07:28,876 --> 00:07:30,421 I'm like... fuck them, you know? 211 00:07:30,422 --> 00:07:32,371 I can't live by anybody else's rules. 212 00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:36,211 I'm the one who has to die when it's my turn to die, 213 00:07:36,212 --> 00:07:39,261 so let me live my life the way I want to. 214 00:07:39,262 --> 00:07:41,371 I'm gonna drink gravy. 215 00:07:41,372 --> 00:07:43,301 You want to know something? 216 00:07:43,302 --> 00:07:45,341 That's why you get my respect... 217 00:07:45,342 --> 00:07:47,341 because you are a guy that does things 218 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:50,221 the way he needs to do things with what he's got. 219 00:07:50,222 --> 00:07:51,331 You're good luck, my friend. 220 00:07:51,332 --> 00:07:52,391 I'm your good-luck charm. 221 00:07:52,392 --> 00:07:53,431 You're my good-luck charm. 222 00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,291 - Ohh. - Oh! 223 00:07:55,292 --> 00:07:56,431 Man, harsh. He spilled on me. 224 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:59,211 Uh, actually, you bumped into me. 225 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,261 You got a hunk of burning gravy on me. 226 00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:03,231 Why you drink gravy for, anyway? 227 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,211 What's the difference? You spilled it on the guy. 228 00:08:05,212 --> 00:08:07,311 Don't you apologize? Don't you know how to do that? 229 00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:08,341 I just mean he shouldn't be drinking gravy. 230 00:08:08,342 --> 00:08:09,371 He shouldn't be drinking gravy? 231 00:08:09,372 --> 00:08:11,221 Enough talk. Do me a favor. 232 00:08:11,222 --> 00:08:12,311 - Get out of here. - All right. 233 00:08:12,312 --> 00:08:13,351 Yeah, right what? Right what? 234 00:08:13,352 --> 00:08:14,411 I just... I don't get the gravy. Why do you... 235 00:08:14,412 --> 00:08:15,431 Get out of here. 236 00:08:15,432 --> 00:08:17,391 Why are you drinking gravy anyway? 237 00:08:17,392 --> 00:08:20,221 He drinks what he drinks when he wants to drink it! 238 00:08:20,222 --> 00:08:21,321 Hey, forget this guy. 239 00:08:21,322 --> 00:08:22,361 Forget him. It's all right. 240 00:08:22,362 --> 00:08:23,600 Don't worry about it, all right? 241 00:08:23,601 --> 00:08:25,311 - We got a wedding to go to. - You're right. 242 00:08:25,312 --> 00:08:27,221 When you're right, you're right. 243 00:08:27,222 --> 00:08:28,351 Fuck that guy. 244 00:08:28,352 --> 00:08:30,371 [Beep] 245 00:08:30,372 --> 00:08:32,271 Fuck this. 246 00:08:32,272 --> 00:08:33,371 The ATM is charging a $5 fee. 247 00:08:33,372 --> 00:08:34,431 Since when? 248 00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:36,221 I don't know. 249 00:08:36,222 --> 00:08:37,281 I ain't paying it. 250 00:08:37,282 --> 00:08:38,401 It's like I'm tipping the machine. 251 00:08:38,402 --> 00:08:40,311 You know, Dice, I was really hoping 252 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:41,401 we could get something to eat... 253 00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:43,361 You know what, Milkshake? You're drinking gravy. 254 00:08:43,362 --> 00:08:45,231 You're drinking your "something to eat." 255 00:08:45,232 --> 00:08:46,321 No, don't take the fee out on me. 256 00:08:46,322 --> 00:08:47,321 I'm not taking it out on you. 257 00:08:47,322 --> 00:08:49,341 We don't pay that fee. We're local. 258 00:08:49,342 --> 00:08:51,411 Guys like this over here, this guy... 259 00:08:51,412 --> 00:08:53,301 Hey, how you doing? 260 00:08:53,302 --> 00:08:55,441 Guys like that pay the fee, not us. 261 00:08:55,442 --> 00:08:57,271 You understand? 262 00:08:57,272 --> 00:08:58,241 Let's go take care of this shit. 263 00:08:58,242 --> 00:08:59,351 Yeah, you're right, yeah. 264 00:08:59,352 --> 00:09:01,231 When you put it that way, I get it. Fuck the fee. 265 00:09:01,232 --> 00:09:02,321 Come on. Let's go see Brione. 266 00:09:02,322 --> 00:09:04,331 New casino policy on all the ATMs. 267 00:09:04,332 --> 00:09:06,291 I get it. You didn't know about it. 268 00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,291 - That's annoying. - Annoying? 269 00:09:07,292 --> 00:09:08,441 It's out and out disrespectful. 270 00:09:08,442 --> 00:09:10,291 Disrespectful? 271 00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:11,301 I mean, it's... it's a new policy. 272 00:09:11,302 --> 00:09:13,211 You know, it's a processing fee. 273 00:09:13,212 --> 00:09:14,361 I don't know what you want me to say about it. 274 00:09:14,362 --> 00:09:15,411 I want you to say, "Forget about the fee." 275 00:09:15,412 --> 00:09:17,291 You know I'm supposed to be out there, 276 00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:18,371 running this place, right? 277 00:09:18,372 --> 00:09:20,381 Except I'm in here talking to you about an ATM fee. 278 00:09:20,382 --> 00:09:22,221 Running the place? 279 00:09:22,222 --> 00:09:23,281 I thought you were the floor manager. 280 00:09:23,282 --> 00:09:24,331 All right, all right. Relax. 281 00:09:24,332 --> 00:09:25,331 Brione took his time to talk to us, 282 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,421 and we really appreciate that. 283 00:09:26,422 --> 00:09:28,341 You know, I'm... I'm saying, you know, 284 00:09:28,342 --> 00:09:29,441 my time is as valuable as his time. 285 00:09:29,442 --> 00:09:31,251 That's all I'm saying. 286 00:09:31,252 --> 00:09:32,341 Look, I think we can all agree 287 00:09:32,342 --> 00:09:34,221 this is a waste of all our time, right? 288 00:09:34,222 --> 00:09:35,421 Yeah, look, Brione, this is the bottom line. 289 00:09:35,422 --> 00:09:38,241 You don't charge Dice a $5 fee. 290 00:09:38,242 --> 00:09:39,371 That's for out-of-towners. 291 00:09:39,372 --> 00:09:42,291 That's for Sam and June Snapfuck 292 00:09:42,292 --> 00:09:44,231 from dipshit fucking Iowa, 293 00:09:44,232 --> 00:09:46,261 never been off the farm their whole fucking life. 294 00:09:46,262 --> 00:09:47,421 They come to town. 295 00:09:47,422 --> 00:09:50,221 They walk the Strip with the giant glass with the beer, 296 00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:52,261 looking, "Oh, look. There's Paris. 297 00:09:52,262 --> 00:09:53,421 There's New York," right? 298 00:09:53,422 --> 00:09:57,281 Next thing you know, he's dipping his balls in her mouth. 299 00:09:57,282 --> 00:09:59,411 She never even makes it to the head of his cock 300 00:09:59,412 --> 00:10:02,301 before she falls asleep, but Sam don't care. 301 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,341 Sam don't give a fuck. You know why? 302 00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:08,361 Because he's been married to this broken-down valise 303 00:10:08,362 --> 00:10:10,311 for the last 27 years, 304 00:10:10,312 --> 00:10:12,341 and he'd pay that $5 fee 305 00:10:12,342 --> 00:10:16,241 every day to get his sack wet like that. 306 00:10:16,242 --> 00:10:17,441 And that's who should pay the fee. 307 00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:20,231 Not Dice. 308 00:10:20,232 --> 00:10:21,311 Not Dice. 309 00:10:21,312 --> 00:10:24,983 Counselor... 310 00:10:26,382 --> 00:10:27,431 [Dice laughs] 311 00:10:27,432 --> 00:10:29,431 That's a very compelling case. 312 00:10:29,432 --> 00:10:31,271 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? 313 00:10:31,272 --> 00:10:32,271 Giving you the 5 bucks so... 314 00:10:32,272 --> 00:10:33,381 What, give me charity? 315 00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,261 Give it to the out-of-towners. 316 00:10:35,262 --> 00:10:36,301 Just don't charge me. 317 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,391 It's all connected to the banks. 318 00:10:37,392 --> 00:10:38,351 I mean, you know what I mean? It's like... 319 00:10:38,352 --> 00:10:39,421 Let me say this again. 320 00:10:39,422 --> 00:10:41,391 I'm Dice. I'm a living fucking legend. 321 00:10:41,392 --> 00:10:43,361 Yeah, Brione. He's a living legend. 322 00:10:43,362 --> 00:10:44,411 He's Dice, all right? 323 00:10:44,412 --> 00:10:46,331 Dice is up here. 324 00:10:46,332 --> 00:10:48,311 The fee is, like, down here... way down here, with the rats. 325 00:10:48,312 --> 00:10:49,341 We don't have rats in here. 326 00:10:49,342 --> 00:10:51,231 [Dice] You know something, Brione? 327 00:10:51,232 --> 00:10:52,311 You disappoint me, 328 00:10:52,312 --> 00:10:54,271 'cause we're supposed to be friends. 329 00:10:54,272 --> 00:10:55,341 Let's go, Shake. 330 00:10:55,342 --> 00:10:57,301 Guys, I'm sorry about this, you know? 331 00:10:57,302 --> 00:10:59,291 - I mean... - It's never happening. 332 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:02,271 I'm never, ever paying that fee. 333 00:11:02,272 --> 00:11:03,391 You'll see. 334 00:11:03,392 --> 00:11:06,251 335 00:11:06,252 --> 00:11:08,261 The world's changing, Dice, you know? 336 00:11:08,262 --> 00:11:09,371 Vegas is changing. 337 00:11:09,372 --> 00:11:11,291 It started when they put up those... 338 00:11:11,292 --> 00:11:13,271 those roller coasters, right? 339 00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:14,361 You know, and then they invented 340 00:11:14,362 --> 00:11:16,261 that fantasy football bullshit, 341 00:11:16,262 --> 00:11:18,301 and then they started selling those oxygen shots. 342 00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:20,291 I don't think Sinatra back in the day 343 00:11:20,292 --> 00:11:22,241 was doing oxygen shots, you know? 344 00:11:22,242 --> 00:11:23,321 [laughs] 345 00:11:23,322 --> 00:11:24,391 I'm almost glad that they blew up the Riv. 346 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,261 You know, they put the Riv out of its misery. 347 00:11:26,262 --> 00:11:27,371 You know what? 348 00:11:27,372 --> 00:11:29,401 All I know is I'm not paying that fucking fee. 349 00:11:29,402 --> 00:11:30,421 How are you gonna do that? 350 00:11:30,422 --> 00:11:31,761 How am I gonna do that? 351 00:11:31,762 --> 00:11:32,949 What, are you kidding me? It's easy. 352 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:34,466 You know, take a little markup, 353 00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:36,511 play a little blackjack, win the 2 grand, 354 00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:41,301 cash out, boom, casino pays the $5 fee, not Dice. 355 00:11:41,302 --> 00:11:43,241 All right, you sure we got time for this? 356 00:11:43,242 --> 00:11:43,729 What time's the wedding? 357 00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:45,271 6:00. 358 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,321 But I ain't gonna lose. 359 00:11:46,322 --> 00:11:48,251 We're talking about 2 grand here. 360 00:11:48,252 --> 00:11:48,861 You understand? 361 00:11:48,862 --> 00:11:51,251 When I play cards, it's like a fucking art form. 362 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,221 People say split 8s. I say, "Fuck you. 363 00:11:53,222 --> 00:11:54,351 Not if my gut don't feel it." 364 00:11:54,352 --> 00:11:57,321 You got a goddamn beautiful way of playing. 365 00:11:57,322 --> 00:11:59,412 Thank you, my friend. 366 00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:03,301 All right. Here we go, here we go. 367 00:12:03,302 --> 00:12:04,371 Let's do it. 368 00:12:04,372 --> 00:12:07,252 369 00:12:16,282 --> 00:12:18,311 [Sighs] Fuck. 370 00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:20,371 I don't know what's going on here. 371 00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:21,421 Maybe we should call it quits. 372 00:12:21,422 --> 00:12:23,281 I can't quit. I'm down. 373 00:12:23,282 --> 00:12:25,251 You're down $100,000. 374 00:12:25,252 --> 00:12:27,291 Like I don't fucking know that. 375 00:12:27,292 --> 00:12:28,421 Something's off. 376 00:12:28,422 --> 00:12:30,431 Why am I getting fucked so hard right now? 377 00:12:30,432 --> 00:12:32,331 Maybe it's... Maybe... Maybe I let you down. 378 00:12:32,332 --> 00:12:33,421 Maybe I'm not your good-luck charm after all. 379 00:12:33,422 --> 00:12:35,281 - I don't know. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 380 00:12:35,282 --> 00:12:37,221 It's not you. We're buddies. 381 00:12:37,222 --> 00:12:38,622 It's something else. I can feel it. 382 00:12:43,312 --> 00:12:47,261 It's him, it's him... the fucking Elvis. 383 00:12:47,262 --> 00:12:49,341 [Sighs] 384 00:12:49,342 --> 00:12:51,251 Excuse me, buddy? 385 00:12:51,252 --> 00:12:53,211 Hey, you again. 386 00:12:53,212 --> 00:12:54,351 Shouldn't you be looking for some mashed potatoes? 387 00:12:54,352 --> 00:12:56,221 - [Chuckles] - Yeah. 388 00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:58,241 Listen, uh, you got to do me a little favor. 389 00:12:58,242 --> 00:13:00,371 You got to, uh, take your business across the street. 390 00:13:00,372 --> 00:13:02,261 What are you talking about? I'm playing. 391 00:13:02,262 --> 00:13:04,221 This is gonna sound a little crazy, 392 00:13:04,222 --> 00:13:07,341 but, um, you're just bad luck in a jumpsuit. 393 00:13:07,342 --> 00:13:09,341 I need you to leave. 394 00:13:09,342 --> 00:13:10,411 You're crazy. You know that? 395 00:13:10,412 --> 00:13:15,291 Crazy. I've lost $100,000. 396 00:13:15,292 --> 00:13:16,441 There is no other explanation. 397 00:13:16,442 --> 00:13:17,431 It's you. 398 00:13:17,432 --> 00:13:19,381 100 grand? [laughs] 399 00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:21,311 Maybe you're the one who should leave. 400 00:13:21,312 --> 00:13:24,231 All right, look, look. Listen to me, listen to me. 401 00:13:24,232 --> 00:13:29,211 You need to leave this establishment now. 402 00:13:29,212 --> 00:13:32,381 Fine. Fine. 403 00:13:32,382 --> 00:13:34,431 You know, but, uh, for the record, 404 00:13:34,432 --> 00:13:36,361 you're out of your mind. You really are. 405 00:13:36,362 --> 00:13:38,271 I'm out of my mind? 406 00:13:38,272 --> 00:13:40,361 I'm nuts, right? I'm nuts. 407 00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:43,311 You're the one in a jumpsuit, but I'm the crazy one. 408 00:13:43,312 --> 00:13:46,391 409 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:50,361 Brione, I got to talk to you. 410 00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:53,271 [Sighs] 411 00:13:53,272 --> 00:13:56,231 You're gonna have to give me another marker. 412 00:13:56,232 --> 00:13:57,421 I gave you one for 100k. 413 00:13:57,422 --> 00:13:59,241 I know it, you d... 414 00:13:59,242 --> 00:14:02,261 Number one, this is your fault. 415 00:14:02,262 --> 00:14:04,271 Do you understand? This is your fault. 416 00:14:04,272 --> 00:14:05,391 If you would have waived that fee, 417 00:14:05,392 --> 00:14:06,361 there wouldn't be a problem. 418 00:14:06,362 --> 00:14:07,321 This is your fault. 419 00:14:07,322 --> 00:14:08,441 My fault? What? 420 00:14:08,442 --> 00:14:10,391 Listen, Dice, listen to Milkshake, okay? 421 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,371 Go to the wedding. It's in less than an hour. 422 00:14:12,372 --> 00:14:13,371 Listen to me. 423 00:14:13,372 --> 00:14:16,261 Elvis is gone, okay? 424 00:14:16,262 --> 00:14:17,401 The bad luck is gone. 425 00:14:17,402 --> 00:14:19,271 I'm gonna win the money in a minute. 426 00:14:19,272 --> 00:14:20,361 You know the rules. 427 00:14:20,362 --> 00:14:21,381 Please don't put me in this position. 428 00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:23,401 Put you in that position? 429 00:14:23,402 --> 00:14:24,441 Yeah! 430 00:14:24,442 --> 00:14:26,271 One minute, you're my friend. 431 00:14:26,272 --> 00:14:27,311 The next minute, fuck you? 432 00:14:27,312 --> 00:14:28,351 You know what I'm gonna do? 433 00:14:28,352 --> 00:14:29,431 I'm gonna go home now, 434 00:14:29,432 --> 00:14:31,431 I'm gonna get my personal checkbook, 435 00:14:31,432 --> 00:14:33,321 I'm gonna write you a check for $100,000, 436 00:14:33,322 --> 00:14:34,401 put it in your hand. 437 00:14:34,402 --> 00:14:35,391 And you know how you're gonna feel? 438 00:14:35,392 --> 00:14:36,441 How? 439 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,371 You're gonna feel just like 440 00:14:38,372 --> 00:14:41,431 a real, like, stupid idiot. 441 00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:43,221 Like a stupid idiot? 442 00:14:43,222 --> 00:14:44,301 Yeah, that's right. 443 00:14:44,302 --> 00:14:45,391 I already feel like a stupid idiot. 444 00:14:45,392 --> 00:14:46,227 - You know why you're an idiot? - Why? 445 00:14:46,228 --> 00:14:49,321 Who gives me $100,000? This is your fault. 446 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,371 - What? - Milkshake, let's go. 447 00:14:50,372 --> 00:14:51,331 - I don't even... - Come on. 448 00:14:51,332 --> 00:14:52,401 I am so fucked! 449 00:14:52,402 --> 00:14:53,351 Where are we going? 450 00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:54,371 Across the street. 451 00:14:54,372 --> 00:14:55,686 You want to keep gambling? 452 00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,401 You're down 100 grand. 453 00:14:57,402 --> 00:14:59,281 Shake, just come on, please! 454 00:14:59,282 --> 00:15:01,291 455 00:15:01,292 --> 00:15:03,311 [Horn honking] 456 00:15:03,312 --> 00:15:05,432 - Oh, fuck. - Shh! 457 00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:13,431 Come on! 458 00:15:13,432 --> 00:15:15,291 [Groans] 459 00:15:15,292 --> 00:15:17,331 [Horn honks] 460 00:15:17,332 --> 00:15:19,411 Motherfucker. 461 00:15:19,412 --> 00:15:21,421 All right, now, when we get in there, 462 00:15:21,422 --> 00:15:23,341 you've got to steal Eddie's phone. 463 00:15:23,342 --> 00:15:24,381 You understand? 464 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,381 The floor manager? 465 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:26,468 Yeah, the floor manager, 466 00:15:26,469 --> 00:15:28,321 because Brione's gonna call me, cut me off. 467 00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:30,301 But we got to get in there, get him to stake me 468 00:15:30,302 --> 00:15:32,251 so we can climb out of this fucking hole. 469 00:15:32,252 --> 00:15:34,012 - This way. Come on. - All right, you got it. 470 00:15:35,422 --> 00:15:38,271 Hey, Eddie. How are you? 471 00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:39,321 Hey. There he is. 472 00:15:39,322 --> 00:15:40,421 How's it going? How you doing? 473 00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:41,421 Milkshake, how are you, buddy? 474 00:15:41,422 --> 00:15:43,241 Good to see you. 475 00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,301 So, uh, you got a show later? 476 00:15:45,302 --> 00:15:46,351 Uh, not tonight. 477 00:15:46,352 --> 00:15:48,271 My girl's brother's getting married. 478 00:15:48,272 --> 00:15:50,241 Thought I'd come over, play some cards. 479 00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:51,371 I thought you usually play across the street. 480 00:15:51,372 --> 00:15:53,261 Yeah, well, uh, we do, 481 00:15:53,262 --> 00:15:55,311 but Shake says the girls are better-looking over here. 482 00:15:55,312 --> 00:15:56,411 [laughs] Yeah, I wish. 483 00:15:56,412 --> 00:15:59,231 [laughs] So, uh, you need a marker? 484 00:15:59,232 --> 00:16:00,331 Uh, yeah. 485 00:16:00,332 --> 00:16:03,211 Let's not go crazy. Uh, give me 25k. 486 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,281 25? 487 00:16:04,282 --> 00:16:05,391 I guess you got a lot of time to kill 488 00:16:05,392 --> 00:16:06,441 before that wedding, huh? 489 00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:08,271 You let me worry about that. 490 00:16:08,272 --> 00:16:09,311 You got it. Go ahead, hook him up. 491 00:16:09,312 --> 00:16:10,411 $25,000. 492 00:16:10,412 --> 00:16:12,381 Hey, Eddie, can I talk to you for a second? 493 00:16:12,382 --> 00:16:14,361 Yeah, yeah. Sure. 494 00:16:14,362 --> 00:16:15,401 Uh... 495 00:16:15,402 --> 00:16:18,212 496 00:16:21,392 --> 00:16:23,362 Dealer has 20. 497 00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:28,321 Everything's taken care of. 498 00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:30,391 How's it going? 499 00:16:30,392 --> 00:16:33,321 Not good. I'm down nearly $25,000. 500 00:16:33,322 --> 00:16:34,431 $25,000? 501 00:16:34,432 --> 00:16:35,431 You only been playing two minutes. 502 00:16:35,432 --> 00:16:37,857 You know what it is? I'm still off. 503 00:16:37,858 --> 00:16:39,381 I can't figure this shit out. 504 00:16:39,382 --> 00:16:41,231 What the fuck is this? 505 00:16:41,232 --> 00:16:44,281 Oh, wait. I know... I know what's wrong. 506 00:16:44,282 --> 00:16:45,842 What do you mean you know what's wrong? 507 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,361 [Sighs] 508 00:16:54,362 --> 00:16:57,321 Again?! 509 00:16:57,322 --> 00:16:59,371 Out of here. 510 00:16:59,372 --> 00:17:01,251 Walk across the street. 511 00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:03,311 No way. You told me to walk across the street already, 512 00:17:03,312 --> 00:17:05,322 and I did. I'm staying! 513 00:17:10,442 --> 00:17:15,211 Get up, take your chips, your rhinestones, 514 00:17:15,212 --> 00:17:17,441 and your fucking pompadour, and get the fuck... 515 00:17:17,442 --> 00:17:20,271 I'll get them for you. Don't worry about it. 516 00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:21,301 Get the fuck out of here. 517 00:17:21,302 --> 00:17:22,401 Fucking harass me now, huh? 518 00:17:22,402 --> 00:17:25,331 You bad luck-bringing jackass! 519 00:17:25,332 --> 00:17:26,421 You're lucky I got to go to work. 520 00:17:26,422 --> 00:17:28,332 You need help! 521 00:17:30,212 --> 00:17:32,221 All right. Okay, let's get into it. 522 00:17:32,222 --> 00:17:33,251 I can focus now. 523 00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:34,321 Come on. 524 00:17:34,322 --> 00:17:36,311 Oh, fuck. 525 00:17:36,312 --> 00:17:37,371 Fuck. Wait a minute. 526 00:17:37,372 --> 00:17:38,441 Really, really? 527 00:17:38,442 --> 00:17:40,251 This is what's happening right now? 528 00:17:40,252 --> 00:17:41,341 What the hell are you doing? 529 00:17:41,342 --> 00:17:42,042 - Well, uh... - You know what? 530 00:17:42,043 --> 00:17:42,748 Don't even say it. 531 00:17:42,749 --> 00:17:43,998 I don't care what the fuck is happening. 532 00:17:43,999 --> 00:17:45,646 I can tell it's bad from the way 533 00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,391 you're sweating through your velvet. 534 00:17:47,392 --> 00:17:49,231 - Everything's fine. - You know what? 535 00:17:49,232 --> 00:17:52,281 I don't care if you're down $100,000 right now. 536 00:17:52,282 --> 00:17:53,411 $100,000? That's crazy. 537 00:17:53,412 --> 00:17:55,241 We're having a little fun. 538 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:56,421 I got news for you, Andrew. 539 00:17:56,422 --> 00:17:58,341 My brother is getting married 540 00:17:58,342 --> 00:18:00,351 across the street in 20 minutes... 541 00:18:00,352 --> 00:18:01,381 my only brother. 542 00:18:01,382 --> 00:18:02,618 I know. 543 00:18:02,619 --> 00:18:04,752 And he's already convinced the whole thing's a disaster. 544 00:18:04,753 --> 00:18:06,421 He thinks this wedding's been cursed. 545 00:18:06,422 --> 00:18:07,252 And I'm telling you, 546 00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:10,225 if you make it any more of a mess than it already is, 547 00:18:10,343 --> 00:18:12,086 if you are not by my side 548 00:18:12,223 --> 00:18:15,341 with a gift at the wedding in 20 minutes, 549 00:18:15,342 --> 00:18:18,271 you and I... we're done. 550 00:18:18,272 --> 00:18:19,381 I mean it. 551 00:18:19,382 --> 00:18:20,421 I'll be there! 552 00:18:20,422 --> 00:18:22,271 You're a degenerate. 553 00:18:22,272 --> 00:18:24,381 You too, Milkshake, you motherfucker. 554 00:18:24,382 --> 00:18:25,371 20 minutes. 555 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,221 20 minutes. 556 00:18:27,222 --> 00:18:29,371 God. She's... She's right. 557 00:18:29,372 --> 00:18:31,301 We're... We're degenerates. 558 00:18:31,302 --> 00:18:34,291 - Well, we got 20 minutes. - That's not a lot of time. 559 00:18:34,292 --> 00:18:36,381 Well, you are the master of the fucking obvious. 560 00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:39,371 Another $25,000 going out. 561 00:18:39,372 --> 00:18:41,241 Good luck. 562 00:18:41,242 --> 00:18:42,341 You know what, Shake? 563 00:18:42,342 --> 00:18:43,421 Sometimes you got to take your balls out, 564 00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,361 put them on the butcher block, 565 00:18:45,362 --> 00:18:47,252 or else what's the fucking point? 566 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:49,351 Let's play. 567 00:18:49,352 --> 00:18:52,212 568 00:18:53,442 --> 00:18:55,272 Nice. Good. 569 00:18:57,362 --> 00:18:59,401 Pay me. Pay me. 570 00:18:59,402 --> 00:19:02,221 571 00:19:02,222 --> 00:19:04,231 Let it all go. Come on. 572 00:19:04,232 --> 00:19:06,402 [Speaks indistinctly] 573 00:19:13,671 --> 00:19:14,712 Let it ride. 574 00:19:15,432 --> 00:19:18,321 - Yes! - God damn. 575 00:19:18,322 --> 00:19:20,421 Yes! Milkshake, you motherfucker! 576 00:19:20,422 --> 00:19:22,361 Get the fuck over here. 577 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,391 Look at you, man. You're back. 578 00:19:23,392 --> 00:19:26,411 579 00:19:26,412 --> 00:19:28,422 $50,000 going out. 580 00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:35,281 All right, Shake. You want to talk about balls? 581 00:19:35,497 --> 00:19:37,341 You always tell me what big balls I got. 582 00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,291 All right? 583 00:19:39,292 --> 00:19:42,401 All right, everybody, let's do this. 584 00:19:42,402 --> 00:19:44,411 $100,000 on one hand? 585 00:19:44,412 --> 00:19:47,381 $100,000 for... what do you mean no? 586 00:19:47,382 --> 00:19:49,281 That's a lot of money for one hand, Dice. 587 00:19:49,282 --> 00:19:50,441 I mean, you're kind of over the limit. 588 00:19:50,442 --> 00:19:52,321 You're gonna take this fucking bet. 589 00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:54,331 You like to take the chips away quick enough, 590 00:19:54,332 --> 00:19:56,271 but you don't like to pay it out? 591 00:19:56,272 --> 00:19:58,252 Take the fucking bet. Deal the cards. 592 00:20:00,397 --> 00:20:02,361 All right. Come on. 593 00:20:02,362 --> 00:20:04,422 594 00:20:08,732 --> 00:20:11,272 All right, all right. 595 00:20:13,252 --> 00:20:14,262 Give me a hit. 596 00:20:17,362 --> 00:20:19,412 I'm good. 597 00:20:22,252 --> 00:20:24,432 [clears throat] 598 00:20:26,252 --> 00:20:30,211 Yes! Yes, yes! 599 00:20:30,212 --> 00:20:32,261 I told you, you motherfucker! 600 00:20:32,262 --> 00:20:34,221 - You motherfucker! - [crowd chanting "Dice!"] 601 00:20:34,222 --> 00:20:35,291 $203,000, sir. 602 00:20:35,292 --> 00:20:37,211 All right, listen to me. 603 00:20:37,212 --> 00:20:39,331 Take your $100,000 marker, 604 00:20:39,332 --> 00:20:42,291 make a $100,000 check out to the Tangiers, 605 00:20:42,292 --> 00:20:45,211 and give me $2,000 in the fanciest envelope 606 00:20:45,212 --> 00:20:46,301 you got in this hotel, okay? 607 00:20:46,302 --> 00:20:48,291 Milkshake, no $5 fee. 608 00:20:48,292 --> 00:20:50,321 - No $5. - Come on. 609 00:20:50,322 --> 00:20:51,371 Come on, come on! 610 00:20:51,372 --> 00:20:53,341 [Horn honks] 611 00:20:53,342 --> 00:20:57,282 612 00:20:59,242 --> 00:21:01,402 Oh! 613 00:21:04,342 --> 00:21:06,421 [Sighs] 614 00:21:06,422 --> 00:21:07,441 See? I made it. 615 00:21:07,442 --> 00:21:09,331 - Barely. - Yeah. 616 00:21:09,332 --> 00:21:11,411 Okay, you got to move over. I got my plus-one. 617 00:21:11,412 --> 00:21:14,261 - You're my plus-one. - Take this, take this. 618 00:21:14,262 --> 00:21:16,261 [Sighs] Why is this sweaty? 619 00:21:16,262 --> 00:21:19,251 [Stammers] Moisturizer. 620 00:21:19,252 --> 00:21:21,421 - Would you hold my gloves? - Yes. 621 00:21:21,422 --> 00:21:23,211 [Organ plays] 622 00:21:23,212 --> 00:21:24,421 - You're here. - Yeah, I'm here. 623 00:21:24,422 --> 00:21:26,431 Of course I'm here. 624 00:21:26,432 --> 00:21:28,381 [Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" plays] 625 00:21:28,382 --> 00:21:30,342 [laughs] 626 00:21:41,352 --> 00:21:44,381 Friends, we are gathered here today 627 00:21:44,382 --> 00:21:46,291 to share this momentous event, 628 00:21:46,292 --> 00:21:48,301 'cause Brandon here 629 00:21:48,302 --> 00:21:50,351 couldn't help falling in love with David. 630 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,321 You're gonna love him tender. 631 00:21:52,322 --> 00:21:55,371 - No, no, no. - Andrew, shut up. 632 00:21:55,372 --> 00:21:57,391 - This is no good. - Quiet! 633 00:21:57,392 --> 00:22:00,361 Now, if you two lovely gentlemen join hands, 634 00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:02,211 look in each other's eyes. 635 00:22:02,212 --> 00:22:03,381 S-Stop this wedding! 636 00:22:03,382 --> 00:22:04,431 Just stop! 637 00:22:04,432 --> 00:22:06,421 Stop, stop. Time-out. 638 00:22:06,422 --> 00:22:08,221 Andrew! 639 00:22:08,222 --> 00:22:09,291 What are you doing? Sit down! 640 00:22:09,292 --> 00:22:10,411 - Time-out! - What the hell is going on? 641 00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,341 Time-out. I know what I'm talking about. 642 00:22:12,342 --> 00:22:13,381 Again? 643 00:22:13,382 --> 00:22:15,231 Get out of here, Dice! 644 00:22:15,232 --> 00:22:16,371 No, I can't get out of here. 645 00:22:16,372 --> 00:22:18,321 I'm trying to help you guys, okay? 646 00:22:18,322 --> 00:22:20,401 This is a bad-luck Elvis wearing sneakers. 647 00:22:20,402 --> 00:22:21,441 I-I'm wearing Skechers. 648 00:22:21,442 --> 00:22:23,361 Skechers? 649 00:22:23,362 --> 00:22:25,401 No, no, no, I got... okay, I got patellar tendonitis. 650 00:22:25,402 --> 00:22:27,361 - It's not a big deal. - I'm telling you something. 651 00:22:27,362 --> 00:22:29,281 You really want to get gay-married 652 00:22:29,282 --> 00:22:31,271 from an Elvis that's wearing Skechers? 653 00:22:31,272 --> 00:22:33,401 It's not gay-married. It's just married. 654 00:22:33,402 --> 00:22:35,281 Whatever! 655 00:22:35,282 --> 00:22:37,281 I think Dice might have a point. 656 00:22:37,282 --> 00:22:38,411 Maybe this guy is bad luck. 657 00:22:38,412 --> 00:22:40,401 Oh, God. Come on! 658 00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:42,311 I mean, we hired him three weeks ago. 659 00:22:42,312 --> 00:22:44,291 That's when all the bad stuff started happening. 660 00:22:44,292 --> 00:22:45,371 Let me handle it. Let me handle this. 661 00:22:45,372 --> 00:22:47,361 What I do? You, come here, come here. 662 00:22:47,362 --> 00:22:49,281 Come on, come on, come on. 663 00:22:49,282 --> 00:22:51,271 The minute I saw you, I knew. 664 00:22:51,272 --> 00:22:52,301 Get your fucking paws off me! 665 00:22:52,302 --> 00:22:53,441 You know what? You... You people are just 666 00:22:53,442 --> 00:22:56,211 taking all your bad shit, and you're dumping it on me! 667 00:22:56,212 --> 00:22:57,291 You know what? You're bad luck, Elvis! 668 00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:58,381 Just go across the street. 669 00:22:58,382 --> 00:23:00,431 I suppose your shit career is my fault, too, huh? 670 00:23:00,432 --> 00:23:02,331 Oh, really? Come here? You want to talk about that? 671 00:23:02,332 --> 00:23:04,291 You know what? You know what? Till next time. 672 00:23:04,292 --> 00:23:06,301 Yeah, next time, you see me, then you see the floor. 673 00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:08,211 Go fuck yourself! 674 00:23:08,212 --> 00:23:09,291 675 00:23:09,292 --> 00:23:12,321 Brione, Brione, it's an emergency. 676 00:23:12,322 --> 00:23:14,331 You got to get me another Elvis. 677 00:23:14,332 --> 00:23:16,221 What? 678 00:23:16,222 --> 00:23:17,211 Just get me an Elvis. 679 00:23:17,212 --> 00:23:18,281 All right. 680 00:23:18,282 --> 00:23:21,311 Welcome, friends and family 681 00:23:21,312 --> 00:23:25,321 of these two fabulous grooms, David and Brandon. 682 00:23:25,322 --> 00:23:27,291 I can't believe you run an entire casino 683 00:23:27,292 --> 00:23:29,281 and you couldn't get me another Elvis. 684 00:23:29,282 --> 00:23:31,311 You gave me six minutes to produce someone 685 00:23:31,312 --> 00:23:33,331 to officiate a wedding. You get who you get. 686 00:23:33,332 --> 00:23:35,241 Besides, Jimmy's a great Liza. 687 00:23:35,242 --> 00:23:36,421 To go on that journey together. 688 00:23:36,422 --> 00:23:38,221 Yeah, amazing. 689 00:23:38,222 --> 00:23:39,341 I mean, come on. 690 00:23:39,342 --> 00:23:40,421 Two guys getting gay-married by Liza Minnelli? 691 00:23:40,422 --> 00:23:42,311 It's perfect. 692 00:23:42,312 --> 00:23:45,211 It's not gay-married. It's just married. 693 00:23:45,212 --> 00:23:46,341 - Sorry. - fabulous grooms. 694 00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:48,231 Ladies and gentlemen, 695 00:23:48,232 --> 00:23:50,301 I'd like to present to you David and Brandon, 696 00:23:50,302 --> 00:23:52,421 husband and husband! [laughs] 697 00:23:52,422 --> 00:23:54,421 [Cheers and applause] 698 00:23:54,422 --> 00:23:58,352 699 00:24:08,362 --> 00:24:10,261 [Microphone feedback] 700 00:24:10,262 --> 00:24:11,341 Uh, excuse me, everybody, 701 00:24:11,342 --> 00:24:12,441 if we could have a moment of your time. 702 00:24:12,442 --> 00:24:15,291 Uh, David and I would just like to take a moment 703 00:24:15,292 --> 00:24:17,261 to say thank you to everybody for coming, 704 00:24:17,262 --> 00:24:20,231 and we especially want to thank my sister's boyfriend, Andrew, 705 00:24:20,232 --> 00:24:22,231 for ridding our wedding of all its bad luck. 706 00:24:22,232 --> 00:24:23,331 Thank you so much. 707 00:24:23,332 --> 00:24:24,361 [applause] 708 00:24:24,362 --> 00:24:26,251 - See? That is... - You did it. 709 00:24:26,252 --> 00:24:28,421 I-I think they want me to say something. 710 00:24:28,422 --> 00:24:30,241 No, I don't think so. 711 00:24:30,242 --> 00:24:31,351 Babe, I give speeches for a living. 712 00:24:31,352 --> 00:24:33,211 But they're giving a speech. 713 00:24:33,212 --> 00:24:34,231 I go all over the world. 714 00:24:34,232 --> 00:24:35,261 This... This isn't a show. 715 00:24:35,262 --> 00:24:36,311 Babe, they're waiting for me. 716 00:24:36,312 --> 00:24:37,311 No one's waiting for... 717 00:24:37,312 --> 00:24:38,391 No, I got this. 718 00:24:38,392 --> 00:24:41,221 - I got this, I got this. - Andrew. 719 00:24:41,222 --> 00:24:42,281 Sit down, sit down. 720 00:24:42,282 --> 00:24:44,341 Come here. Let me say something. 721 00:24:44,342 --> 00:24:47,311 Let me... I-I-I just need to say this, 722 00:24:47,312 --> 00:24:52,311 because this was just an incredible, wonderful day, 723 00:24:52,312 --> 00:24:55,231 a day that started out as a disaster, 724 00:24:55,232 --> 00:24:58,311 a day where there was more bad luck at a wedding 725 00:24:58,312 --> 00:25:00,221 than I've ever seen. 726 00:25:00,222 --> 00:25:01,401 Well done. 727 00:25:01,402 --> 00:25:05,261 You guys persevered, and now you're married. 728 00:25:05,262 --> 00:25:07,361 How does that feel, Brandon? You're married. 729 00:25:07,362 --> 00:25:10,311 You found the one cock in this world 730 00:25:10,312 --> 00:25:13,381 that you want to suck for the rest of your life, 731 00:25:13,382 --> 00:25:15,281 the cock you love, 732 00:25:15,282 --> 00:25:17,411 the cock you can hang out with, 733 00:25:17,412 --> 00:25:18,441 go shopping with, 734 00:25:18,442 --> 00:25:20,341 walk the dog with, 735 00:25:20,342 --> 00:25:22,321 the one cock that... 736 00:25:22,322 --> 00:25:26,321 that makes you feel like you want to reach the goals in life 737 00:25:26,322 --> 00:25:28,231 that you want to reach. 738 00:25:28,232 --> 00:25:29,431 That's the cock you found. 739 00:25:29,432 --> 00:25:32,431 Now, I-I know maybe you guys have some kind of arrangement, 740 00:25:32,432 --> 00:25:35,271 you know, like a lot of my gay friends do. 741 00:25:35,272 --> 00:25:37,351 And if... if that's the situation, 742 00:25:37,352 --> 00:25:39,311 well, you know, good for you. 743 00:25:39,312 --> 00:25:43,311 But his is your number-one cock. 744 00:25:43,312 --> 00:25:46,351 This is your husband's cock. 745 00:25:46,352 --> 00:25:51,281 You know, Shakespeare once said, "A horse, a horse. 746 00:25:51,282 --> 00:25:53,311 My kingdom for a horse." 747 00:25:53,312 --> 00:25:56,281 They say that's the most beautiful phrase 748 00:25:56,282 --> 00:25:58,231 in the English language. 749 00:25:58,232 --> 00:26:02,321 But I say, "A cock, a cock. 750 00:26:02,322 --> 00:26:05,341 My kingdom for a cock" 751 00:26:05,342 --> 00:26:09,251 is the most beautiful phrase 752 00:26:09,252 --> 00:26:11,291 in the English language. 753 00:26:11,292 --> 00:26:13,401 So I say to you, Brandon, David, 754 00:26:13,402 --> 00:26:16,281 I wish you all the health, the happiness. 755 00:26:16,282 --> 00:26:18,231 And mazel tov! 756 00:26:18,232 --> 00:26:20,291 - Mazel tov. - Mazel tov. 757 00:26:20,292 --> 00:26:21,361 [Brandon laughs] 758 00:26:21,362 --> 00:26:24,411 Can I get a gin and tonic from somebody? 759 00:26:24,412 --> 00:26:26,381 [Cheers and applause] 760 00:26:26,382 --> 00:26:28,341 And the beat won't stop 761 00:26:28,342 --> 00:26:30,381 Hey, you guys having fun? 762 00:26:30,382 --> 00:26:32,261 Oh, it's such a beautiful wedding. 763 00:26:32,262 --> 00:26:33,301 - Are you kidding? - Oh, thank you. 764 00:26:33,302 --> 00:26:35,301 Congratulations, really, really. 765 00:26:35,302 --> 00:26:36,351 - Thanks. - Congratulations. 766 00:26:36,352 --> 00:26:38,441 And look, I got a little something for you... 767 00:26:38,442 --> 00:26:40,211 we do. 768 00:26:40,212 --> 00:26:41,341 - Oh. - There you go. 769 00:26:41,342 --> 00:26:43,361 Thanks for that. Thank you, both. 770 00:26:43,362 --> 00:26:45,211 No problem. 771 00:26:45,212 --> 00:26:46,221 And thank you for everything, Dice. 772 00:26:46,222 --> 00:26:47,301 No, you know what it is? 773 00:26:47,302 --> 00:26:48,421 I felt you guys really wanted me 774 00:26:48,422 --> 00:26:50,361 to say a little something, you know? 775 00:26:50,362 --> 00:26:53,211 - No. - No, not at all. 776 00:26:53,212 --> 00:26:54,301 She told me. It's all right. 777 00:26:54,302 --> 00:26:56,211 [David] Hey, listen, Dice, um, 778 00:26:56,212 --> 00:26:57,351 I think I was a little hard on you because of your act. 779 00:26:57,352 --> 00:26:59,251 You know what? Forget it. 780 00:26:59,252 --> 00:27:00,381 Didn't you see me on "The View," 781 00:27:00,382 --> 00:27:02,351 where Barbara Walters hugged me? 782 00:27:02,352 --> 00:27:04,341 She knows I'm misunderstood. 783 00:27:04,342 --> 00:27:06,311 I mean, I love those broads. 784 00:27:06,312 --> 00:27:08,391 Forget all that. It's a wedding. 785 00:27:08,392 --> 00:27:10,381 What are we doing? Group hug. Get over here. 786 00:27:10,382 --> 00:27:11,411 [laughs] 787 00:27:11,412 --> 00:27:13,321 Come on, come on. Let's dance. 788 00:27:13,322 --> 00:27:14,351 What are we doing? 789 00:27:14,352 --> 00:27:16,361 [laughing] 790 00:27:16,362 --> 00:27:18,431 And the beat won't stop 791 00:27:18,432 --> 00:27:20,352 792 00:27:24,857 --> 00:27:26,351 [Dice] That was so much fun. 793 00:27:26,352 --> 00:27:28,341 Get in the car. Come on. 794 00:27:28,342 --> 00:27:30,301 Stop playing around. Here you go, buddy. 795 00:27:30,302 --> 00:27:32,291 - Thanks a lot. - Thanks. 796 00:27:32,292 --> 00:27:33,361 Thank you. You have good night. 797 00:27:33,362 --> 00:27:35,321 Dice, I-I should let you know, 798 00:27:35,322 --> 00:27:37,391 it's, uh... it's another $5 to park valet now. 799 00:27:37,392 --> 00:27:38,411 But, uh, I'll take it out of this. 800 00:27:38,412 --> 00:27:40,351 - It's okay. - No, no, no, no. 801 00:27:40,352 --> 00:27:42,311 Don't insult me by saying you're gonna take it out. 802 00:27:42,312 --> 00:27:43,431 - When did they start this? - Eh, last month. 803 00:27:43,432 --> 00:27:45,431 Private events... they... they charge for valet now. 804 00:27:45,432 --> 00:27:47,391 Do you believe that? They want to charge a fee? 805 00:27:47,392 --> 00:27:49,281 Really, it's okay. It's no problem. 806 00:27:49,282 --> 00:27:51,211 No, it's the principle of the whole thing. 807 00:27:51,212 --> 00:27:52,381 No, I have $5 in my purse. It's fine. 808 00:27:52,382 --> 00:27:54,351 No, no, no, no. No, babe, it's the principle. 809 00:27:54,352 --> 00:27:56,441 I will be right back. I'll handle this. 810 00:27:56,442 --> 00:28:00,231 No, Andrew! Okay, can you just re-park the car, please? 811 00:28:00,232 --> 00:28:01,251 Sure. 812 00:28:01,252 --> 00:28:02,362 813 00:28:02,624 --> 00:28:07,796 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com - 814 00:28:07,846 --> 00:28:12,396 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 57392

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.